The 10th Annual James Garfield Miracle!

December 6, 2019in James Garfield for Sainthood

Hello and welcome to year 10 (TEN?!) of the James Garfield Miracle!

As you probably know, last year got gross when we had a few scammers show up and I considered just stopping the whole thing. Many of you offered to help this year but frankly there are already organizations who do this shit way better than us so instead of just chucking the whole thing I decided to do one more year of the miracle but instead we’d go back to the simple, small way that this started.

So, if you are struggling this year and you need help getting your child a present for Hannukau/Christmas/whateveryoucelebrate then I am ready to Santa Claus it up and drop one lovely toy at your doorstep.

To make it fair and easy for everyone I’ve selected about 100 different gifts that I’ll link to and if you need help this holiday then you can pick one gift for each of your children from that list to put on your wishlist. They’re all around $20-35 each and there’s stuff for babies to teens…art kits, book sets, dolls, science kits.

I always use the profits I make on affiliate links to buy toys for kids so that means that if you’ve clicked on one this year then you are the reason why I’m going to be able to buy toys for at least 100 kids this year. That is amazing and I’m so grateful. Thank you!

The wishlists will be posted in the comments so (as always) if you want to buy a present for a stranger you totally can. Or you can donate to Project Night Night, an amazing organization that provides a tote bag, book, stuffed animal and security blanket to homeless or displaced kids throughout the year. I just started today off with a $500 Project Night Night donation in you honor.

SO…if you want in on this you have to read all the directions and stick to the rules or otherwise you will be set on fire and pushed out a moving plane. Or just banned. Or maybe I’ll just delete you comment and look at you with that disappointed look your mom gives you when she knows you’re trying but are still fucking up. One of those. Here are the rules:

IF YOU WANT TO GIVE:

Okay, how do I do this?

You are my special angel. Just look in the comments and find someone who has an unfilled Wishlist. (If there’s nothing on their list it means their toy was already bought- yay!) Buy their present and make sure when you check out that you select their shipping address. (It won’t give you their full address but it’ll tell you the town you’re shipping it to.) If you try to fill a wishlist but it doesn’t give you a shipping address that means the person didn’t assign a shipping address to the list so delete their present out of your cart and go to the next wishlist. If it says “these are duplicates. Someone else may have already bought this” when you try to check out then someone else already bought the stuff so delete it and try another one.

But what if I want to give more?

Then find another list and fill it. Or donate to Project Night Night. But don’t fill lists that aren’t following the rules or are asking for more because then it gets nuts. After Xmas we’ll open up a post where people can ask for food or clothes or whatever but for this Jame Garfield Miracle it’s just one simple gift per child. 🙂

IF YOU NEED HELP:

You are my special angel. Here are the things you have to know: You have to make a BRAND NEW wishlist, you can only choose one gift per child to put on your wishlist, and it has to be a gift chosen from this list. In your comment you need to say the city and State you’re in (it has to match what you have on your wishlist), how many kids you have, and a link to your wishlist. (Add your country to the comment you’re outside of the US so people in your area can find you.) Do not make multiple wish lists. Just make one. One of the most important things (people do this wrong every year so PLEASE do this part right) is that you have to assign a shipping address for this specific wishlist. I’ll give you the details on setting up the wishlist below.

But what if I want something that isn’t on the list?

Sorry! Next month we might do an open post where you can ask for clothes or food or specific stuff but for this it’s just one simple present from the list. 🙂

What if I want to make wish lists to surprise other people who I think need help?

Nope. But you can totally tell them to come here and make their own.

I’ve never done this before. How do I make a wishlist?

It’s pretty easy if you follow the formula. I’ll walk you through:

On Amazon, click on Accounts & Lists and then “Create a list”.

Choose “wishlist”. Name it “James Garfield 2020“, make it public, then choose “create list”.

On the right you’ll see something that says “…More”. Click on that and choose “Manage list”. Click on the drop-down for the shipping address and add yours. Make sure that “keep purchased items on your list” and “don’t spoil my surprises” are NOT selected. Save changes.

Now go to this list and pick out one present for your child. When you have the one you want click on the “Add to list” drop down on the right (next to where the price is) and then select your “James Garfield 2020” list. Click “view your list” to make sure it’s there.

If you have another kid just go back to the list and pick a present for them and add it to the same list.

Now you go to the comments below and leave a comment saying how many kids you have, what city and state you are, in and a link to your wishlist. That’s it!

So for example, I would say, “Hi. I live in San Antonio Texas, and I chose the art kit for my daughter. Here’s my wishlist:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/2ZVDARK2A03K3/ref=cm_wl_huc_view Thanks!”

(A quick note: The list to choose from is an influencer list which isn’t affected by wishlist buys but if you happen to buy something directly from it I’ll be using any profits to buy more toys. The list was created by lots of amazing people who came up with diverse toys and books and I’m so grateful to everyone who gave suggestions!)

Now…to go shopping. Happy James Garfield Day!

(UPDATED: Some of the stuff on the amazon list gets sold out so if it doesn’t give you the product with prime shipping pick something else. I’ll try to keep the list updated to remove stuff that gets sold out and replace with similar choices.)

PS. Please please please double check before you hit the submit button that you have assigned a shipping address to your wishlist, that your comment has a link to your wishlist, the city and state you live it and the number of kids you have.

UPDATED: As always, 99% of the people here are amazing and I love you. Unfortunately there is one person here already pretending to be many different people so it is with a heavy heart that I suggest you donate to Project Night Night or Toys for Tots. There are still people here who are amazing and need help and want to give help and I’ll still be giving more here and there but sadly you do have to be really, really cautious even with the new rules. Maybe next year we can find a way to run this through my bookstore so that I can actually see the exact addresses things are going to. Who knows. But to everyone who helped and to everyone who opened up about needs and let us have some magic I cannot thank you enough. The sadness I feel at the one or two scammers does not dampen the happiness I feel at being able to part of the holiday celebrations for so many. I super crazy love you.

UPDATED: A little present for you

December 3, 2019in Random Crap

UPDATED AGAIN (Wednesday afternoon): Alright…I think this one will work. Click here for what feels like the 11,000th version of the 2020 calendar:

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UPDATED (Wednesday morning): OKAY, STOP ORDERING. Zazzle is pulling all calendars because of “content.” At first I thought that my drawing for June was too risqué:

But turns out they say the police box on the cover is a Doctor Who copyright. I’m a little irked that all police boxes are not TARDISes but also a little happy that all police boxes are TARDISes and also just really tired of redoing calendars. But I’m going to fix this one and I’ll let you know when it’s fixed.

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Original posting (Tuesday night):

It took a few days and several false starts and some weird errors where it seemed like it sold out in literally 2 minutes but now it’s fixed… (I think.)

…so if you want one, just click right here.

(I was going to wait to post this until tomorrow but it’s half off tonight and I’m not sure it’ll still be on sale Wednesday.)

I’ve been working on drawings in the last month when I was dealing with some mental stuff and I’ve included several of those in the calendar. But if you don’t want the calendar or money is tight then I’m going to just put a few sketches here and you can just print them out yourself and color them or use them to cover holes in the wall or whatever. (Click them to embiggen.)

The one above I did when I was feeling a bit angsty. The one below I did when I was feeling…well…not as optimistic.

I don’t have an ending for this post because my head is made of pudding at the moment and I’m out of ADD meds. Sorry.

Love.

Lovely free gifts from Nowhere!

November 29, 2019in nowhere bookshop, Random Crap

Five bits of news from Nowhere!

ONE

This week the contractors started working on Nowhere Bookshop.

View this post on Instagram

Today we’re meeting with contractors to start demolition and rebuilding of @nowherebookshop. Taking pictures of the before. (We’re keeping the tile. I wanted wood floors but that was one of many things I had to say goodbye to when estimates came in. But the tile is growing on me.)

A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess) on Nov 27, 2019 at 9:48am PST

It’s more expensive and will take longer to finish than I imagined but we’ll find a way to make it work and I’m getting slightly more excited than terrified and that feels like a good change.

TWO

Not long ago I said that I really wanted postcards for Nowhere Bookshop and then I immediately got overwhelmed and never thought about it again until Victor surprised me with this:

View this post on Instagram

Wish you were here. (And I wish I was there too bc it would mean it was open. Patience is a virtue I do not have.)

A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess) on Nov 20, 2019 at 4:01pm PST

Want one? Of course you do. And if you spend $30 (pre-shipping/tax) at Nowhere we’ll slip one in your package for free!

THREE

And (from now until Monday) if you spend $50 (pre shipping/tax) you get a Nowhere sticker and if you spend $100 (pre shipping/tax) you get a nowhere enamel pin. Click here for details.

FOUR

We were going to try to stock a hoodie but they were all either super expensive or not size inclusive so instead we’re offering a limited raglan shirt with the dreamy Nowhere label:

View this post on Instagram

New shirt available now!! Place your order by midnight Monday night (so, midnight Tuesday morning?) to guarantee delivery by Christmas for all orders shipping within the US. Bonus! If you order this weekend, you get a free gift with qualifying purchase! Details on our site.

A post shared by Nowhere Bookshop (@nowherebookshop) on Nov 29, 2019 at 8:00am PST

FIVE

Yes, there will be a 2020 Bloggess Calendar! Still working on it though. But for now, head over to Nowhere. I’ll see you there.

A little pre-James Garfield Miracle post

November 26, 2019in James Garfield for Sainthood, Random Crap

So. If you’ve been here long enough you know that every year we do The James Garfield Miracle, a strange but lovely event where people who might not otherwise be able to give their kids a present during Christmas/Hanukkah/whateveryoucelebrate post their small wishlist and then strangers randomly fill their lists. It is wonderful. And terrible.

Wonderful because…honestly, I don’t have enough room to put all the stories here and we’ve been doing it long enough that kids who were gifted once are now gifting other families. Some of these stories absolutely melt me and I’m so lucky to have been able to witness them or be a part of them.

And it’s terrible because of all the reasons you might expect. Mostly because after a decade of giving, the few scammers have found us and even though there aren’t many it can feel so disheartening and exhausting to deal with.

So many of you offered to help and I cannot thank you enough for all that you do and all that you offer but that is a giant responsibility with lots of potential issues and I never want to be in a position where I (or anyone on my behalf) has to decide who needs help and who doesn’t or who has to handle money or confidential information. And honestly there are already organizations out there who do this incredibly, like Toys for Tots and Elf Louise and a bunch of wonderful local groups and I totally encourage you to check them out right now if you need help or if you want to help.

So…will we still have The James Garfield Miracle this year?

Yes. But in a smaller and simpler way.

In the last ten years (ten years!) the miracle grew to include clothes and food and gift certificates and tech and shoes and it got nuts. And frankly, I understand the temptation some people had to ask for a lot because it’s scary to be without. But this year we’re going back to the simple way this started. Just one simple, but lovely present for each child. Does your kid need a present? Awesome. Because I really want to give them one.

So this year I’m going to come up with a few different choices that I think are great presents and if you need one you can choose one of those toys to put on your list. Or if you have two children you can pick two from the list. You get the idea. The main thing that I want to do is to make it to where the few scammers realize it’s not worth pretending to be people just so they can get extra play-doh. Plus, this is simpler and less overwhelming for parents and hopefully it will be much easier for everyone. And who knows…maybe in the future we’ll get big again. But for now, this seems good.

It’s totally okay if you decide not to help out this year and as always we’ll also be supporting Project Night Night (which sends wonderful care packages to displaced kids throughout the year). I have a few thousand dollars saved up to help buy toys but you should know that all of that money came from ads or affiliate links or book sales so even if you don’t spend anything know that you are helping people just by being here.

We won’t start this until next month but I do need some help now. The first thing that I need is any suggestions for what the gifts should be. I’m looking for substantial gifts that Prime eligible, are between $20-35 each, and that span from baby to teen but that an adult wouldn’t really be tempted to have. (Things I’m look at are: a magnetic building block set, a fancy art set for teens, a kids art set, a lego set, exploding kittens (the game, not actual kittens), a fluffy stuffed animal, the hardcover set of Curious George, etc.) Any suggestions?

The second thing I need is for you to share any suggestions you might have for people who are struggling this year. I suspect almost all of us have been there and if you are struggling please know that you are not alone. Just being with your children is a wonderful thing and it is not a lie to say that your kids favorite toy is you. Personally one of my favorite xmas memories was when my mom made a giant kettle of popcorn and we used a needle and thread to make giant strings of it to hang all over the house (And each other) and then my mom read us a million library books. To this day it is one of my favorite memories.

Thank you all for listening and for supporting and for just being altogether awesome. More on this in a week or two.

The terrible things we love

November 21, 2019in Random Crap

So earlier this week we looked at the things that we hate that everyone else loves and as I was looking through your comments I was like, “You people are crazy” but then every 10th thing or so I’d be like, “OMG, YES, COFFEE IS DISGUSTING!” or something similar.

So today let’s go the opposite way. What are things that everyone else hates (or at least is confused about) that you love. No judgement. Probably.

I’ll start. Things I love that most people give me the side-eye about but that I still love anyway:

The taste of envelopes and stamps. Double spacing after periods. Zima. Taylor Swift. Picnics in graveyards. Hanging empty cicada exoskeletons all over my clothes like jewelry made of skin. Pineapple on pizza. Syrup on eggs. French fries inside milkshakes. Pokemon Go. Taylor Swift. Love After Lockup. Pimento Cheese. The Twilight books. Mindless busy work. Super sour cherry pie. Creepy dolls. The taste of baby aspirin.

Your turn.

Things I hate that everyone else loves.

November 18, 2019in Random Crap

A new writer asked me yesterday how I deal with negative reviews and the answer is that I don’t deal with them. I let other people I love check that shit out and they tell me if it’s something I should take to heart or not. Sometimes feedback can be really helpful but often it just fucks with your head so it’s good to have someone who isn’t you look at it objectively so you don’t have that shit in your head forever. The thing I’ve learned that is the most helpful is this:

I’M NOT FOR EVERYONE.

And that’s actually great because if I was for everyone then I’d be so bland and pointless that no one ever would say, “OMG ME TOO! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY WEIRDO.”

You are totally not the only weirdo. Welcome home.

Whenever I start to doubt that someone rejecting me isn’t necessarily a reflection on me as a person I remind myself that there are amazing, brilliant things that are so important that people base their lives around them but that I personally do not get the appeal of at all. It’s not that I’m better than those people and honestly I wish I loved a lot of stuff that I don’t because I know I’m missing out, but we are all unique and that is what makes it so magical when we find the things make our hearts sing.

So, right now, I want you to share at least one thing that everyone else in the world seems to love but that you could totally do without for the rest of your life. And remember that even though you don’t like it, it doesn’t mean those things aren’t important. That goes for you too. Not everyone is going to like you. But so many people are going to love you.

I’ll go first.

Things I could live without forever that the rest of the world loves:

Tolkien. Oreos. Steely Dan. Cherry popsicles. Sweaters.

Your turn.

PS. Later this week we’ll look at things you love that no one else seems to appreciate so start thinking about that too.