WOLVERINES!

This morning I wrote a post for the Chronicle about Wolverine blow-jobs and then right after that I twittered:

You know what would be awesome? If for no reason at all we all just randomly screamed “WOLVERINES!” once today. That would be awesome.”

And then suddenly eleventy billion people tweeted back “WOLVERINES!!!!!”  And it was awesome.  So awesome, in fact, that within an hour “WOLVERINES!” had become a top trend on twitter and people were vowing to shout it on the subway.  Then Victor woke up and was all “This house looks like shit.  What have you been doing all morning?” and I’m all “I’ve orchestrated a mass Red Dawn awakening before most of America has had coffee, that’s-what-I’ve-been-doing“.  Then he gave me this look of disgust and said, “I don’t get it” and I’m all “That’s why it’s so funny.  No one gets it. It’s like when you’re at the grocery store and you suddenly yell out ‘SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!’ and everyone stops and looks at you weird, but then one person over in the cereal aisle starts laughing and yells back “KHAAAAAAN!”, and then you laugh and go back to shopping.  That’s what life is all about.”  And Victor’s all, “Yeah.  I just don’t think it’s funny” and I yelled “YOU DON’T THINK THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD RANDOMLY SCREAMING ‘WOLVERINES!’ IS FUNNY?!”  Then I thought about leaving him.  Then Hailey started screaming “WOLFAREEMS!” and I’m like “Even four year olds think this shit is funny“.  Then we went to this sandwich shop for lunch where you write down your name and order and then they call out your name when it’s ready, so I filled mine out and gave it to Victor so he could pay for it.

Then the sandwich guy was all “Uh…I’ve got a BLT here.  Uh…wolverines?” and then I laughed so hard coke shot out of my nose.  And Victor was like “What is wrong with you?”  And I’m all “WOLVERINES!!!” It was awesome.  Then we went back home and Victor left to do some work, but like 10 seconds later he stepped back inside and screamed “WOOOOOLVERIIIIIINES!!!!!” Like, so hard he was panting afterward.  And I’m all “Exactly.”

And that’s how Red Dawn saved my marriage.

Comment of the day: Speaking of Wolverine blowjobs, here is how I got introduced to the concept of furries: this friend of mine in college told me that he (my friend) was e-chatting with some dude about some innocuous, non-furry-sex thing and then said dude typed something completely insane and filthy and perverted and then followed up with “Oh, sorry, I’m getting a blowjob from a raccoon in the other chat window.” And my friend said (to me) “And the weirdest thing is that raccoons don’t even have saliva, so why would you even want a blowjob from a raccoon?”   That was more than 15 years ago, and every time I see a raccoon I still think of this. Every. Time. ~ jfruh

188 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I am proud to be the first to raise a fist in silent solidarity….LMAO. WOLVERINES!!!!!

    BethBot’s last blog post..How Drinking + Recycling = Happy Kids

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  2. Wolverines forever!

    Yay for your husband getting ti at last, or trying to…I actually yelled “WOLVERINES!” in the middle of the quad at my college. It was epic.

    Like

  3. LOL glad to see you are having a great day ;)

    You are sure easy to please — or maybe you are just easy? I haven’t read any blogs about you being easy though and since you blog everything surely it means you are not easy, just easy to please.

    Like

  4. It’s probably FAR too cliche to do this right now, but there’s no other comment even worth putting…

    WOLVE-FRICKIN-RINESSSSSSS!!!

    Jamie’s last blog post..5 ways sex is like social media.

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  5. you’re my hero right now. I am curled up in your arms bleeding on that swing set in the snow, and you are my hero.

    Ryan’s last blog post..And then There Was Yesterday

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  6. You are just begging for comment hijaWOLVERINEScking again aren’t you?

    Dawn – Room 704’s last blog post..The Importance of a Properly Fitting Bra

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  7. Rock on Sister! Although I think that I will just shout “WOLFAREEMS” because it is cuter. Of course people will probably think that I am slow or something and then jsut disregard me anyway.

    Like

  8. OMG I laughed so hard I cried

    Like

  9. When are you running for president? And can I be your running mate?

    Like

  10. I totally yelled Wolverines! at the park today, and then one kid yelled it back and that’s all it took to get a park full of kids running around yelling WOLVERINES! I’m going to try it with “MOIST” tomorrow…

    Amy Rossi’s last blog post..Half-Assed Vegetarian

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  11. God you crack me up….

    Like

  12. WOLVERINES!!!
    That felt good.

    Like

  13. Your husband needs to find you as amusing as we all do. Immediately. Kudos to him for finally submitting to the epic wolverine cult though.

    Like

  14. OMG, I missed the Red Dawn awakening!!! Damn me and my sleep needing ways. That is hi-frickin-larious!

    Like

  15. Oh my god. This shit IS funny.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..The map

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  16. SO FUNNY!

    Like

  17. I am on the bandwagon! WOLVERINES!!! Boy, that felt empowering.

    Kat’s last blog post..Youngest of 9

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  18. A tear came to my eye when I read the Soylent Green is people line.

    I so get you.

    Wolverines.

    Nena’s last blog post..Haiku

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  19. Oh my GOD, dude. I’d scream “WOLVERINES!!” right now too, but I am busy laughing too damn hard to articulate anything. Which means I’m probably going to pass out. Which actually works out fairly nicely, because then someone can revive me by screaming, “WOLVERINES!!!” in my face.

    Like

  20. KHAAAAAAN!

    juliejulie’s last blog post..Six year Old Chubby Girl Fashion Mishap

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  21. 21
    I can't read my nametag

    Okay. That’s it. Dump the current book project and get to work on your NEW book: Zombies, Xanax and WOLVERINES!!!, The Bloggess’ Guide to a Happy Marriage (Or At Least Not Killing Your Husband, Victor, Which Might Be Fun Anyway Just So You Could Enjoy the Irony of Seeing His Name Written in Blood Dripping from the Katana You Stole from His Office).

    I’d buy it just for the Soylent Green reference.

    Like

  22. If I hear anyone yell Wolverines tonight at work, I will howl.

    I would love to be a fly on the wall, er, skull, of your odd little brain. I bet it’s interesting as hell in there.

    Like

  23. Yer husband’s pretty awesome.

    Like

  24. Speaking of Wolverine blowjobs, here is how I got introduced to the concept of furries: this friend of mine in college told me that he (my friend) was e-chatting with some dude about some innocuous, non-furry-sex thing and then said dude typed something completely insane and filthy and perverted and then followed up with “Oh, sorry, I’m getting a blowjob from a raccoon in the other chat window.” And my friend said (to me) “And the weirdest thing is that raccoons don’t even have saliva, so why would you even want a blowjob from a raccoon?”

    That was more than 15 years ago, and every time I see a raccoon I still think of this. Every. Time.

    Like

  25. my husband and I will never leave each other because no one else gets us. We could hate each others guts..but we need each other to nod or laugh at our lame assness

    Like

  26. Ya know, I did the Soylent Green Is People thing the other day at work, and nobody got it. Nobody. And I work exclusively with people who have better relationships with their TVs than they do with other people. I think I need a new job. Could someone tell me which companies have people shouting “Wolverines” these days?

    a’s last blog post..

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  27. Haha.

    You know that “soylent green” thing in grocery store is true. It’s all true.

    KHAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!

    Stacey’s last blog post..tease

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  28. Yet again I think you made my day. Well, you and Victor. Victor: out of nowhere with the last-minute happy ending! Woohoo!

    fredwich’s last blog post..A chart of lowered expectations, with FREE BONUS a companion song!

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  29. Hey.
    Listen.
    When Victor’s ready to finally come to terms that you need like a HAREM of men,
    Please consider me as a contestant.

    Please?!!!

    Like

  30. And it all started with the thought of giving a toy a blow job….

    I think this is how the women’s movement started.

    Grey Street Girl’s last blog post..Five Dollar Friday & The Elfins’ Revenge

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  31. WOLVERINES!!!!!!!

    Like

  32. I believe this is what Encyclopedia Dramaticat would call “winning at Internet.” Just just won The Internets.

    And we’re going at the ballet tonight, so I’m TOTALLY going to call up and reserve two tickets under “Wolverines” at will-call. I can’t pass up a chance to yell “WOLVERINES!” in the lobby at the Wortham.

    MButterfly’s last blog post..New from Upstage Left: Blogger of the Weekend

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  33. And I spelled “Dramatica” wrong. I fail at Internet.

    MButterfly’s last blog post..New from Upstage Left: Blogger of the Weekend

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  34. its too late to save my marriage, but i yelled out wolverines just for the heck of it. i wish i had known sooner, cause i was at a church breakfast this am, and yelling out WOLVERINES!!!!!!!! would definitely have gotten some attention…

    and the soylent green ref…priceless!! i said that at work a couple of weeks ago and everyone looked at me like i had two heads.

    ne hows…as usual, i lmao. appreciate you, jen. my day is sunnier when you post.

    Like

  35. This was awesome. I yelled wolverines. The kids didn’t get it, but my husband will when he gets home. He’s also a soylent green fan.

    As for the sandwich shop? Brilliant. May I suggest that you sign your name Wolverines in the signature box when you charge something next? Heh

    Scout’s Honor’s last blog post..Heavy Topics For 1st Graders

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  36. I’m going out later, and I’m going to get on 1st Av (that’s the main road here in ol’ Cedar Rapis) roll down the window and scream “Wolfareems!!!” as loud as I possibly can. Loud enough to test my bladder’s holding threshold.
    CommentLuv hates me and won’t put my last post. Commie bastard.

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  37. Awesome. I am so going to answer the phone at work like that. Wolverines!!!

    MayB’s last blog post..Belie the belly

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  38. The end of this story is very romantic. Your husband is a great guy.

    memoirgirl’s last blog post..Family: Can’t Live With ‘Em, And Killing Them’s Illegal

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  39. I’m very down with this movement and anyone who is against it pretty much hates Patrick Swayze and is pro-cancer and those motherfuckers suck. WOLVERINES!!!

    Kurt’s last blog post..Reader Spotlight: Steam Me Up,Kid

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  40. I’m bringing Wolverines to Western KY, baby. It’s happening.

    Like

  41. And this is why the Internet is quite possibly the greatest thing ever.

    Erik’s last blog post..I mean it this time!

    Like

  42. I suddenly have the urge to print up a bunch of Soylent Green labels and put them on random products at the grocery store. Except now I’ve posted that here so if I did it, I’d be so busted. But maybe this’ll inspire someone else…

    Like

  43. I always put Mrs. Wonderful or Mrs. President on the name line.

    derfina’s last blog post..I’b Sig

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  44. Jesus, Christ. I love you.

    flutter’s last blog post..Pet peeves (alternately titled: Hormones, I haz them)

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  45. Haha, awesome. WOLVERINES!!

    Like

  46. I am at a loss for words. Well, not really. I just stuck my head outside and yelled Wolverines. Amazingly enough, with all that is going on, I feel much better.

    Gretchen’s last blog post..The hits just keep coming

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  47. Best. Idea. Ever. You fucking rock!

    One Love.

    Eddie Lynn’s last blog post..John Mayer – The Sell Out

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  48. My husband looked at me all crazy when I brought home Red Dawn last year. Awesome to know I am in good company. Alas, I was woefully unaware of Soylent Green, which I have now added to our movie queue (it took me like 5 minutes to spell that right).

    Judy’s last blog post..Judy Needs Google

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  49. THIS! IS! SPARTA! Oh, wait…Damn, I’m always one step behind the trends.

    Like

  50. 1) Which Wich is awesome.
    2) I think that wolverines are even more hilarious now that I read this post.
    3) WOLVERINESSSSS

    Melanie’s last blog post..sounds cool though

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  51. I think I’ve lost the ability to talk. I thought about yelling “death to smoochy!” next time I’m in a crowded area, then I blacked out. I think the awesomeness was too much for my simple brain to handle…

    …or the unseasonably warm weather threw me off. Seriously, it’s a bit warm today for some reason.

    C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Unfair censorship rears it’s easily offended head.

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  52. YOu got a BLT on white bread??

    That’s just wrong!

    Oh, and wolverines exclamation point and stuff.

    Like

  53. I went out side and yelled wolverine, but it now just makes me part of the neighborhood. Like the guy across the street that stabbed himself 7 times, or the robin egg blue house where the guy stole the propane tanks that heat the icehouse and when the cops came to get him, they found out his son was making and selling meth out of the basement.

    Like

  54. I’m obviously not spending enough time on the internet, otherwise I would have heard about the Wolverines! revolution before now. I’d go yell it out the front door but I’m afraid someone would shout back, “Oh, Wolverines! is so passe. We’re all about making self-portraits out of condiments now…”.

    Lynn (Walking With Scissors)’s last blog post..25 Random Things

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  55. I went on a walk with my boyfriend and dogs and shouted WOLVERINES at a couple that was walking by but they didn’t look up so I think that they were either ignoring me (BASTARDS) or they think that I was yelling at my dog named Wolverine (which would be AWESOME… but I don’t think either of them will answer to it… I’ll try, though, for you). Then one of my dogs was eating goose poop so I yelled at her and then I yelled wolverines so that she would know that all is cool and I don’t hate her (wolverines is our new “I love you”). Then we walked up a hill and turned to a lake with a bunch of ducks and shit and my boyfriend and I both held hands and screamed WOLVERINES! The ducks didn’t give a shit… I don’t think they speak English… damn migrant birds. So, all in all, you have completely changed the course of my day as I woke up with little-to-no plans involving shouting wolverines… good day.

    Ally B’s last blog post..Lumpy McGee is NOT Gwen Stefani

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  56. I am so giving “wolverines!” as my name at Panera when we go for breakfast tomorrow! And when we go out for dinner or any thing else for the next few weeks, until I grow tired of that as well.

    michelle’s last blog post..Slobber, Flying Socks, Lasts and Heavy Kids.

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  57. If I wasn’t having a sleepover at my house with Laura and Laurie tonight that I totally wish you were here for, I would rent Red Dawn tonight. Oh maybe I will anyway, while Laura is finishing reading Twilight!

    Like

  58. I hate wolverines, like with a passion, because I live in Buckeye country and that’s just what we do. But, I just ordered pizza and gave the name “Wolverines” and hung up before realizing they would totally spit on my pizza, because it’s a pizza place IN BUCKEYE COUNTRY, so then I had to call back and say, “I’m sending in my 10 year old to pick up that pizza and wolverines are her school mascot (lie), so please don’t hock on her pineapple pizza.

    Momo Fali’s last blog post..Picky

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  59. “How would you like your wich werked?”

    Where do you eat, Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory?

    Tell them, this is America.

    And to yell WOLVERINES with more authority.

    (Soylent green is people? People like Guy Kawasaki, I hope.)

    Like

  60. You. Are. Awesome.

    Like

  61. New banner = pure genius

    Kat’s last blog post..Youngest of 9

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  62. WOLVERINES!

    Like

  63. Sharp toothed animals!

    magpie’s last blog post..Grace #6 = Tea and Cubans

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  64. oh that’s fantastic!!

    (@mariadkins @ twitter)

    Like

  65. This may be my most favorite post of yours. Ever.

    Like

  66. Ahahaha! I love it. I feel the need to leave the house to freak people out now. WOLVERINES!

    Like

  67. Man, if I could just get people in Orlando to do stuff like that…it would be great…but people here have very little personality.

    Alexis’s last blog post..Go Ahead and Listen

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  68. I didn’t know what to write that could possibly be an appropriate response to Wolverines! But then, as I sat here and thought (as much as is possible while picturing Hugh Jackman naked), I realized this was comment #69. And *that* is enough for me.

    Zoeyjane’s last blog post..On Juggling

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  69. !SENIREVLOW!

    I’m pretty sure that’s how you say “WOLVERINES!” in Spanish…or Russian…or maybe in Bizarro World language.

    Just doing my part to support Red Dawn weekend in a multi-cultural kinda way.
    ;)

    AJ in Nashville’s last blog post..Three Things That Guys Want for Valentine’s Day (…that don’t necessarily involve sex)

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  70. Thats great…. I can’t laugh any harder

    Karen’s last blog post..In my car

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  71. The banner edit is awesome.

    Also, did you know that if you rearrange the letters in “WOLVERINES!” you can spell out
    “WINOS REVEL!” ….

    Like

  72. Wolverines is my safe word.

    abby’s last blog post..I Worry About Maya (Disturbing Images Part 2)

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  73. Apparently I get to go and see a rheumatologist guy. And I am pretty sure you have seen one of those.

    So in solidarity sister, when he gives me the big needle, I will scream Wolverines!

    Like

  74. Your sandwich order was for a BLT on white bread? White bread? Really?

    (Seriously . . . yay for Victor.)

    Like

  75. Not only that, you went to a “Which ‘wich” when I’m pretty sure there was a Potbelly next door. I’m not sure how many “Which ‘wiches” there are in this town, but Potbelly is vastly superior. In fact in case you were wondering, regarding sandwich chains in Houston:

    1. Jimmy Johns
    2. Earl of Sandwich
    3. Brown Bag Deli
    4. Potbelly
    5. Central Market

    You’re welcome.

    Like

  76. I think that “how would you like your wich worked?” sounds incredibly dirty.

    Like

  77. I’m so making this happen tonight. My fiance’s band has a show tonight, so there will be plenty of room for sporadic “wolverines” moments. If I’m lucky we’ll get all of downtown hooked.

    Like

  78. I asked DD (turning 4 this month) and she said that everyone yelling wolverines at one time would be “craziness.” And she then said “it would be funny” and told me “I have a bag. It’s like a bag and I can put stuff in it.”

    BTW, I had to spellcheck wolverines because the first time I spelled it wolvareens.

    @ElizabethPW’s last blog post..ElizabethPW: @totaldelights great to connect w/ you!

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  79. You either get it or you don’t. Kudos to Vincent for finally getting it, and in a big way!

    Hilarious post – thanks!

    AnnRan’s last blog post..AnnRan5: Where have I been? Hadn’t even heard about Kepler until I saw numerous tweets about it. Now I feel all edumacated! Thanks Twitter :)

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  80. Uh, yeah, that should’ve been “Victor”. . .

    Like

  81. I’m embarassed to say this entire post has gone way over my head. Clearly I’m the only person here who has no clue what the hell you’re talking about. I sense a Google search in my immediate future. I hate being so out of the loop.

    Lisa Walsh’s last blog post..1…100…Who’s Counting?

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  82. Um… why didn’t you capitalize “coke”?

    You can’t take that stuff to the grocery store with you, you know.

    The Cotton Wife’s last blog post..Time Marches On

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  83. 84
    Sari Everna

    This made me laugh so very hard!

    I emailed it to may dad. All the email says is “Wolverines!!!”. I plan to call in a couple of minutes, yell “Wolverines!!!” at him (or my mom, whoever happens to pick up) and hang up.

    They’ll think I’m crazy, but that’s nothing new. After all, where do you think I got it from?

    Like

  84. This post made my day, until I got to the “WOLFAREEMS!” part. Then it made my life.

    Like

  85. It must be wonderful to have such simple needs.

    annie’s last blog post..Which Superhero are You?

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  86. I didn’t have a clue what any of you were talking about but then I googled it and then I Netflixed it so in a few days I’ll be caught up with all of you! Please don’t leave me behind again. I so want to be in the in crowd.

    Enchanted’s last blog post..Cakes!

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  87. i love it. fucking LOVE it. that was hilarious and awesome. hahahaa. i didn’t hear anyone in my ‘hood yelling, though. i only tweeted it :D

    little jenny, bloggess. taking over the world before coffee.

    Ms. Changes Pants While Driving’s last blog post..so small

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  88. … You just can’t make this shit up.

    Thanks for the laugh, ma’am.?

    Liv’s last blog post..no subject.

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  89. Usually we scream………”Don’t Bite your friends”……..and then only the people who are forced to watch Yo Gabba Gabba laugh………but hey, apparently thats quite a few people, so it makes for a good day…………

    WOLVERINES……..Don’t bite yo’ friends!

    Like

  90. I think it’s hilarious. My husband would SO not. And wouldn’t try it out either like Victor did.

    amy @ milk breath and margaritas’s last blog post..Help Me Not Look Stupid

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  91. So this is weird but just today I was running with a friend and we were seriously talking about Red Dawn and Wolverines. That is freakin’ weird!

    Jen’s last blog post..Conquering Another Marathon

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  92. I laughed, and then I fell down and made snow angels in your “line in the sand” all
    while maniacally yelling Wolverine!

    Go Blue!

    Elfini’s last blog post..Lidsville – Street Punk Edition

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  93. I too like to make up names for people at delis to yell at me. One time though they asked me to spell my name. I was like “I don’t know how you spell that! It’s not even my REAL name!”

    Maddie’s last blog post..Guess what day it is?

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  94. I always like to yell “It’s a Cookbook!!!” but from now it’s gonna be WOLVERINES!!!!

    Like

  95. This is the most romantic story I’ve ever read. For real.

    Kyla’s last blog post..The Speech, Remix Edition

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  96. I screamed WOLVERINES! And neither my husband or daughter(16) even turned to look at me..I mean come on…I was IN the same room!
    I no longer have any shock value…that’s how fucked up they think I am, like it’s totally normal for me to just scream random shit for no reason….

    Like

  97. WOLVERINES ARE PEOPLE, KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

    Natalie’s last blog post..Porn Name, Anyone?

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  98. I knew I read this blog for a reason. Maybe you and Wolverines can help save my marriage.

    Rhea’s last blog post..Parts of a Whole

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  99. How do you even think of this stuff? I am in awe. I’m taking Wolverines to church tomorrow!

    Donna’s last blog post..UPDATE: The Top 10 Things That My Kids Think Make Me a Bad Mom

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  100. One time, when I was a little kid, my dad rented Nightmare on Elm Street and I was way too little to watch it and be all, I’m badass, I can totally sleep tonight.

    Well he had rented Red Dawn too, so I stayed up and watched Red Dawn and then I totally forgot about Freddy, right?

    But I was scared shitless of Russians for the rest of my fucking life.

    And I think Russia has tons and I mean tons of Wolverines! The sexiest X-Men.

    The End.

    Fucking Russians.

    Betsey’s last blog post..Updated: Me Or Dooce, You Choose…

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  101. Oh and PS – I was kind of nominated for best humor blog and I have like a fifth of the votes that you do.

    Now we are mortal enemies but you are more powerful than me.

    But someday I’ll turn to the dark side and you’ll regret never knowing who I was.

    Yeah. Take that!

    Betsey’s last blog post..Updated: Me Or Dooce, You Choose…

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  102. I just changed my Facebook status to WOLVERINES!!!!!

    Like

  103. Tom suddenly no longer thinks I’m funny either. And, like you, I was pretty sure I’d have to leave him, because I’m hilarious, including my posts about anarchists and SWAT teams converging on my house due to the research I’m doing for the book, AND my “lighthearted” take on Facebook.

    But I totally get the Wolverines reference, and I’m pissed I wasn’t home yesterday to get it, because we went to a casino, and I absolutely would have yelled WOLVERINES in the casino and given about 415 old people with rolling oxygen containers heart attacks, which wouldn’t really have been funny, except it would. Come to think of it, an ambulance was rolling up to the hotel entrance as we left, so maybe someone had mobile Twitter and saw your call to action.

    I always miss all the fun.

    Lori’s last blog post..About Facebook

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  104. I’m partial to ferrets, myself.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Hell’s Kitchen: Please Kill Me Now…

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  105. […] This woman is hilarious. And that has earned her a place on our Blogroll, which is going to be expanded and update one day […]

    Like

  106. Behold the power of the Bloggess. I live in Michigan. People have been yelling Wolverines! here for a hundred years. Maybe they knew you would come along someday…like some crazy Peabody and Sherman WABAC machine thing.

    Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..A Very Special Night at the Opry

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  107. 110
    Cranberrie

    WOLVERINES!!!!!

    Like

  108. That’s the most beautiful story about shouting “Wolverines” I’ve ever read.

    michael5000’s last blog post..The Reading List: Perdido Street Station

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  109. The Screaming Wolverines would be a great name for an all-female rock band.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..URGENT REPLY NEEDED

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  110. I’ve decided to join your cult! I shall take the message of our leader far and wide. I’m going to share it with everyone. I’m going to Facebook about it! I’m going to rename my dogs Wolverine 1 and Wolverine 2.

    Or not…I’m not really sure yet but I like the cut of your jib woman!

    Jenni’s last blog post..WOLVERINES!!!!

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  111. I read this to my mom and brother yesterday because I thought it was hilarious, but they just stared at me blankly. I think this just shows that the internet (and the bloggess) understand me better than my own family.

    Sass Pizzazz’s last blog post..The Power of the MIND

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  112. Victor is truly a Good Egg. I think maybe Victor and my Beloved were Separated at Birth, because The Beloved would be soooo “That is not even a little bit funny” as I was trying to catch my breath. I will make him read this and Shame him into Shaping Up.

    Jenni’s last blog post..So Now I’m Mad at Mrs. Paul

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  113. Oh my god, you are my heroine. I can’t believe you managed to combine Soylent Green and wolverines in one post.

    Mari’s last blog post..Almost True

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  114. {licks}

    you tastes like

    WOLVERINES!

    Like

  115. But I think it’s kind of racist towards the other wild dogs. Like Coyotes. How do you think they feel about all of this?

    Georgette’s last blog post..Let’s be honest here.

    Like

  116. That post brought tears to my eyes and it made me so happy I think it should be made into a movie-of-the-week.

    Like

  117. When you scream “wolverines” in Walmart, you should totally make sure that you don’t do it too close to the greeter. They are usually old, handicapped, or mentally challenged. It would scare them A LOT if you did that. But that’s just a guess…’cause I’d seem pretty thoughtless otherwise.

    Andy’s last blog post..finding kindness and fucks

    Like

  118. “(Soylent green is people? People like Guy Kawasaki, I hope.)”

    ditto that.

    FERRREEEEEEEEEEETTS!

    Would you believe I’m 37 and have never seen Red Dawn? True fact.

    curiouslyrandom’s last blog post..so tired

    Like

  119. Places I have screamed “Wolverines” in the past 24 hours or so:

    -Wal-mart
    -Movie theatre
    -Parking lots
    -Dairy Queen

    …except, I keep getting confused and starting with “WEREWOOOOOLVES!” then remembering that I’m an idiot and I have to retract that and go, “WOLVERINNNNNEEEESSS, I MEAN!”

    Like

  120. That right there is what marriage is all about – you might not always get the other person’s thing, but you should at least try to support it.

    Can I assume, too, that you have a thing for Hugh Jackman?

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Funny Bun-ny

    Like

  121. Holy crap. I was going to start a facebook page for Wolverines and post the link to this. But there are like a zillion Wolverines fan groups already. And some of them are a little scary…

    Fantastic Forrest’s last blog post..Salacious Scenes Sing Along: Sperm Test

    Like

  122. 126
    ctina1973

    SERENITY NOW!!!

    Like

  123. 127
    ctina1973

    Sorry.. I got confused.

    Like

  124. 128
    Deuce Cherie

    “I laughed so hard coke shot out of my nose.”

    Hints from Heloise: If you smoked it that wouldn’t happen.

    Like

  125. WOLVERINES!!!

    Wow, I needed that.

    Musing’s last blog post..Omg, she’s opened comments!

    Like

  126. I just had to check back to see if you had changed Wolverines to Seagulling, because I’ve had people piling onto my blog this morning by googling “seagulling.” So I looked it up. And now I wish I hadn’t.
    Ew. Do wolverines have weird sex practices, too?

    Estefonia Translucent’s last blog post..discoveries

    Like

  127. Wolverines!!!!!

    That is hilarious! I am glad that your husband finally jumped on board!

    WickedStepMom’s last blog post..True Tales of the Easter Bunny

    Like

  128. this is the best post ive read so far.
    wolverines are badass

    Like

  129. Ya’ know you have to see the picture of the toy.

    Wolverines!

    Like

  130. Absolutely brilliant! I have got to find myself in a situation today where this will be absolutely inappropriate, then take full advantage of said situation! :)

    Like

  131. “I em afred…”

    “…we are out…”

    “…we are out…”

    “…of badgers.”

    “…of badjurs.”

    “Would you accept…”

    “Would you accept…”

    “…a wolverine…”

    “…a wolver-eene…”

    “…in it’s place?”

    “…een es place.”

    WOLVERINES!!!!!

    Like

  132. Jenny, you are so awesome!

    avonlea’s last blog post..The cranky saga continues

    Like

  133. I Loved the movie Soylent Green! Chuck Heston and Edward G Robinson totally rock!

    Go Wolverines.

    Like

  134. 138
    BurkeInTheOzarks

    It has already spread to Congress:

    Wolverines!

    That was quick.

    Like

  135. Awe, you took down the super-cool wolverine banner! lol, that was hilarious. I think it may be time for more wolverine-filled fun today on campus :)

    Ruth’s last blog post..Girls Night!

    Like

  136. i just yelled out SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE in my tech call center. not one person turned around or even blinked. wtf is wrong w/this place?

    KKKKHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!

    Gillian’s last blog post..Facing the Giants

    Like

  137. WOLVERINES!!!!

    Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com’s last blog post..H&M sundress.

    Like

  138. 142
    Anglophile Football Fanatic

    I often say, “Soylent Green is people.” and somehow not even Kirk Douglas would notice. I’m so glad you would stand up and take notice. But, I loathe & despise Univ of Michigan – so the only wolverine I like is a humiliated and defeated one.

    Like

  139. Ohh we have that same sandwich shop. I should totally take advantage of being able to write in whatever name I want there.

    Also, I just got Chipotle for lunch and I thought of you. Is that sweet or creepy??

    Kel’s last blog post..Assigned! Sort of…

    Like

  140. Bummer. If only I had read this before I took my stress test today. Imagine screaming “Wolverine” in the middle of a group of doctors and nurses while they have you hooked up to machines.
    Timing is everything.

    Like

  141. Ps I’m asking you because you are the authority here.

    Can you keister stash wolverines to sneak them into prison?

    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..How To Feel Like The Walking Dead In Two Easy Steps, And Not The Awesome Zombie Dead, Just The Dead Dead

    Like

  142. My Ohio State fan husband will be annoyed with me for this but…. WOLVERINES!!!

    WineWonkette’s last blog post..Another Wine Byte #7: You Say Meritage…

    Like

  143. Russia and Cuba!!

    Oh… those were the bad guys.

    WOLVERINES!!

    groovehouse’s last blog post..Saturday March 7

    Like

  144. 148
    *star.mama*

    What is wrong with you? I want to e-mail this post to my teenage daughter, who by the bye totally likes to shout random crap and you have no little e-mail this shit button. Ugh, Jenny! You disappoint me on soo many levels sometimes….

    Like

  145. I agree with the poster above that Wolfareems is even better, and I think the person who thought to shout it at a bunch of kids at a playground was a stroke of genius in getting this virus spread fast.

    After some kid at my son’s daycare called someone a pancake, he spent at least two years calling people pancakes for absolutely no reason.

    I might start eating out more often, just for the opportunity to make other people say whatever strange thing I want them to.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..A conversation with M-: The wipe that shakes the barley

    Like

  146. OMG I laughed so hard I cried. At work. And people looked at me funny.

    And I totally get the Soylent Green thing. More people should see that.

    MissAnthropy’s last blog post..Progress

    Like

  147. Ewwwww. I would never blow one of those dudes.

    Stacy Quarty’s last blog post..Hard Truth Capicity

    Like

  148. I was totally gonna yell out “WOLVERINES!!!” at work when I read this, but then I thought my albanian colleague might think there was some kind of Wolf attack imminent, so then I thought about yelling “Wolverines, which aren’t anything to do with wolves, even though they sound like they should be because of the name and all, but anyway there’s no attack or anything, and there’s nothing to be scared of, it’s just a random thing I shouted without thinking about it and for no reason other than I saw it on the internet.” but by the time I’d written it all out and rehearsed it a couple times in the bathroom, everyone else had gone home, the burglar alarms were all switched on and the doors locked.

    Slippy
    X

    PS: Also, Help, I’m locked in the bathroom at work and everyone’s gone home and I really need the toilet.

    PPS: It’s okay, I don’t need the toilet after all.

    Like

  149. 153
    skinny malinky

    More information on raccoon saliva can be found on the internet. Specifically, information saying that they do, in fact, produce saliva.

    I did not google anything about their talents for oral sex. For many, many reasons.

    So, as I was saying, WOLVERINES!!!!!!

    Like

  150. Of course a four year old gets it, they are programmed that way. It was nice that your husband tried to understand what all the fuss was about but I’m pretty sure he was just trying to be supportive. Which is not a bad thing at all. I spit Diet Coke on my keyboard while reading this. Just so you know.

    Jen’s last blog post..Yucatan Guacamole so good the French even eat it.

    Like

  151. 155
    Lottifish

    Wolverines!!! (I had to scroll up to see how to spell that, lol) You crack me up!

    Like

  152. I am still having trouble believing that Cheez Whiz is actually a cheese option at this sandwich shop. That is just wrong on so many levels.

    Like

  153. Wolverines. Mascot, University of Michigan. Largest living group of alumni in the US. We salute you. WOLVERINES and GO BLUE!

    Like

  154. Please know that tomorrow, somewhere in Austin, a 30-somethingish white male will be screaming “Wolverines!” at his coworkers. Those who have seen “Red Dawn” will feel something primal stir within them. The rest will just have to deal.

    Holmes’s last blog post..Failure to pinpoint

    Like

  155. i just saw the actual details of the sandwich you created and OMFG. i wants it. for breakfast tomorrow. i will even pick up.

    Ms. Changes Pants While Driving’s last blog post..Earth Hour 2009

    Like

  156. and all this time I thought wolverines were like some branch of marines, but with fangs …

    Kimberlee’s last blog post..bonjour …

    Like

  157. Found this via Maggie Dammit’s shared links… a classic Internet-phenom post. Will be laughing about it all day. Thanks!

    JES’s last blog post..A Hrooom of One’s Own

    Like

  158. Sorry to have missed out on Wolverine Day… HILARIOUS!

    Like

  159. If I screamed “WOLVERINES!!!!!” in public I would be killed by a pack of rabid Ohio State football fans because that’s the mascot of their bigggest rival and OSU football is the state religion. Even little old ladies will cut you and run over your dead carcuss with their walkers if you yell “WOLVERINES!!!!!” anywhere within the Columbus city limits. Apparently no one here has even watched Red Dawn, just Dirty Dancing.

    Condo Blues’s last blog post..I’m Going to BlogHer ’09!

    Like

  160. OMG. Somehow I stumbled onto your website and this post is so hysterical I’ve got tears streaming down my face! WOLVERINES! It’s totally funny.

    Like

  161. […] Observations Increased traffic due to web searches from folks who can’t spell. Thanks, Jenny! If this describes you, welcome and stay a while before you google it. […]

    Like

  162. I totally yelled out ‘soylent green is people!!!’ in the car today and my boyfriend yelled ‘wolverines!’ and then we talked about how Americans are too prescription happy. Thank goodness.

    Like

  163. On the ski lift this weekend we could hear a group 15-20 below us constantly howling, like they were coyotes. My brother and I started making other animal noises back at them: “Cock-a-doodle-dooo!!!! Meow!! etc.” Then I thought of your post and yelled “WOLVERINE!” It was fun.

    Swedish Skier’s last blog post..Wednesdays’ Weirdos: Kindergarten Krazy

    Like

  164. That is just too fucking funny!!!!!!

    TMWW’s last blog post..My New Camera Arrived!

    Like

  165. Crap, I missed national ‘Wolverines!’ day?! I will so make up for it tomorrow at work. Patrick Swayze and Charle Sheen have nothin’ on me. Well okay, they’re hotter. And richer. And more popular. But aside from that I can totally revel in their legacy!

    RebTurtle’s last blog post..Redneck pride

    Like

  166. I can’t believe I missed this! I even know what you’re talking about and everything! Wah.

    Nanner’s last blog post..And So It Goes

    Like

  167. […] Bloggess took it into her head to rally the world via Twitter to cry, “Wolverines!” here and such is her charismatic leadership that it was a top trend on Twitter in an […]

    Like

  168. Fuck, Jenny, you make me laugh so hard and with such sincere abandon.

    I’d yell “Wolverines” for you anywhere, anytime.

    Love,
    Tits McGee Has The Day Off

    Like

  169. […] write even without direction or topic. Hell, you know of The Bloggess? She wrote a whole post about wolverines and people ate it […]

    Like

  170. […] And EVERYONE knows that scarecrows are pretty much the 4 year old equivalent to Wolverines. […]

    Like

  171. Oh I am so glad Victor redeemed himself at the end there because seriously… How could he not find that shit funny?
    I once started all of Twitter yelling SHAMWOW! Best day of my twittering life.

    Jessica (at It’s my life…)’s last blog post..Weekly Winners – Summer is around the corner

    Like

  172. […] 6. Shout “WOLVERINES!” at least once a day. (That tip courtesy of @TheBloggess) […]

    Like

  173. After I put a link & reference to this post in my blog 1 or 2 random & slightly odd (in a good way), mostly British, people have taken to shouting “WOLVERINES!” on twitter every now & then.

    Thanks for the (half) comment by the way: truly “Awesome”.

    I’ve only just from this realised it’s a film reference. Have I mentioned I do film reviews on my blog? Like I’m some kind of expert.I give up

    Can I click a button somewhere to nominate this as genius blog of the decade or something? I like buttons.

    Greg (aka Drolgerg)’s last blog post..20 Ways to Annoy People on Twitter

    Like

  174. […] B-Movies isn’t as cool as shouting WOLVERINES!! but for today it’ll have to […]

    Like

  175. […] power for ridiculously frivilous purposes, like making sure that our votes are counted and shouting “WOLVERINES!” in crowded subways just to celebrate the joy of chaos and inanity.  Because we can.  Yes.  We. […]

    Like

  176. […] Bloggess, right?  The one and only, often imitated but never duplicated, confidence wig wearing, Wolverines screaming, warthog loving, interesting psycho creative visionary who writes that funny column for […]

    Like

  177. […] lie. But, who wouldn’t want to be a sister wife with The Bloggess, especially after screaming WOLVERINE at the top of your lungs? Seriously! We went against the urge to introduce her to the missionaries […]

    Like

  178. […] wait. Hmm. I think this post by the Bloggess might be pretty applicable, too. Wouldn’t it be hawesome if all the citizens of Newcastle stopped […]

    Like

  179. […] A post on someone else’s blog that you wish you’d written: http://thebloggess.com/?p=1749 […]

    Like

  180. And now whichwich needs to start an ad campaign about wolverines loving whichwich. Way better than quiznos singing critters.

    Like

    Jax recently posted The Will of the Force (or lack thereof).

  181. oh my god! were you ever in carbondale, illinois? cause a few years ago when i was in college i was in the grocery store and somebody yelled wolverines and i totally yelled back khaaan! weird.

    Like

  182. I have just watched the new “Phineas and Ferb Across the Second Dimension” movie. Near the end, a kid stands up and yells “WOLVERINES”. (It was Irving played by Jack McBrayer.) I couldn’t believe it. My husband and I agree this is totally a tribute to you. We both love your blog. Thank you for sharing your wonderful mind with us all.

    Like

  183. 188
    Lady Penelope

    I tried to explain this to my ‘S.O’ who stared blankly at me.
    So I pulled out the big guns and sat him down in front of the computer to read the post.
    He didn’t laugh. Not. Once.
    He closed the lap top gently, stood up and asked when I started writing a blog.
    He also asked to stop referring to him as ‘Victor’.
    He’s convinced I am The Bloggess.
    BEST. COMPLIMENT. EVER!

    Like

13 trackbacks

  1. The Bloggess | Eden Cafe February 15, 2010

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