Honestly, it’s sort of hard to argue with any of these.

Huh, mine almost makes sense:
“I haven’t baked in that you too. Come home by Love it? Tsunami warnings in therapy. It’s sad.”
Damn therapy tsunamis…

Oh wow, I just died laughing reading this one:
“No, that taxidermied pig dressed as my special lady is not leaving me.”
I’m scared to see what my next tweets would be.
Marisa @ I failed math. recently posted..The post where the commenters will be the writers

LMAO! I tried it and this was my first one. “Word. thanks for me. well in politics. He’s down to give me in a family.” Apparently I’m a little more ghetto then I’d originally thought.

I was right to worry.. this is supposedly my next tweet:

“Sounds like horses, carpet pissing and you have taken on their phones. Up next time Valerie Bertinelli?”

Ugh…

SD
TheSimpleDude.com
Simple Dude recently posted..Sprocket Ink- Facebook And You

“Does it all *cough, me, cough* ; lmao Their service has me LOL’ing… What the kitchen! LMAO! tx.” Im not sure what to think? LMAO.tx

I loved these two of mine:
Hilarious! I haven’t read the library. Did you like a bartender now? What, a lame hippo.

But this is my favorite:
Promises promises. I’m amazed at the nearest cemetery. I could not get free beer.

Seriously, when did cemeteries stop serving free beer?
Suzy recently posted..Money Makes The World Go Round But Sex Makes It Stop At Your House

The only one that made any sense at all. “Just finished listening to Win a manual. It’s awesome. Definitely fun for fist-bumps!” wOO fist-bumps!

mine’s broken. It just says Loading…. What? What? Am I loading a gun? A pink crossbow? 4 kids into a clown car? Give me an answer damn it!! Jenny your’s are so much cooler. Loading.. sheesh.
L.A.C.E. recently posted..I am Here

This is not helping me get to bed at a decent hour! Most of them were utter nonsense. Guess I deserved that. There were a few good ones:

“Yes. My brain is a key.”
“That would be in To Wong Foo. Not buying it. Let’s see if you’re cool with jello. LOL. I forget!”
“Also who hired Balthazar Getty. Screaming helps.”
“But stay tuned b/c that causes anxiety by weirdos. Put away the levels of hate.”
And my favorite….
“.”
HeathRobots recently posted..I Reveal My Friendship with the Honey Badger and Also Become Condescending

I need to man up or shut up. My last real tweet was, “I miss Charlie Sheen.” That was after he quit and before he went bat hat shit crazy nuts and yes, it was meant to be sardonic and facetious. BUt, it just sucked and then it passed out like all the goddesses before it.

Corndog=complete sentence
Dotty recently posted..Mope On A Rope

“Wishing him a reminder to punch everyone in the royal wedding? You want to suffer with me this wizard man!”

Well, I hate reiterate, but half a blowjob? I mean please.
Deidre recently posted..Sustainability is hard A lesson in maggots – maybe

I’ve been offline all day and, so. I just heard about it. My first one:

“Matthew thought you might screw up by a team to be excited, but hoping for me that he might join us.”

How did they know I’d been drinking?
Angella recently posted..Them

BWA HAHAHAHAHAHA! good lord! anti stabby after that!

“It’s Be Day. Everybody change your kitchen sink just for ol’ Liz Lemon. Oh Jesus.”

That’s right. It’s Be Day. You know what to do.
Backpacking Dad recently posted..Erin Sets Me Straight

I love how these are all sentences I would expect to read on your blog. Absolutely hysterical!

Haha all those are golden. I bet its a good feeling that you are still able to come up with tweets. I personally, have had tweeter’s block…. I’ve resorted to reusing old tweets like a jackass. Yay! Green tweeting!!!
Rico Swaff recently posted..Did Cavemen Beat Their Wives

A few favorites of my future tweets:
I also like a picture of my sinus headache!
My god won best mom ever!
Playing a single one zombie hole.
I’m up, but I can’t AFFORD subsidizing abortion I am excited when I read Jimmy Buffet.
I had a beautiful sunny day ME TOO! –RT: ME TOO! –RT: ME WANT TO STAB THINGS!

And the winner, which I believe is entirely replies to @TheBloggess regarding Lawson family trips to the hospital:
It’s laudanum sweetie. Maybe you should definitely break his other arm. Agreed.

I totally believe every single one of these could have been written by you.

I really can’t argue with them either. Mine are all wordy and incredibly strange.

“Thankyou. Just reinstall the dog around with both drawn from me the number I’m more info.”
“I didn’t have her shoulder sublux under my head. Ugh. Just a book. *wanders off with that the contorting.”
“Poor kid. I made me now. He’s chasing flies with a nice thoughts. Shhhhh.”
“Yep, scary. She will still be wanting to start seasoning it. And there’s the best place.”

Frankly, I think this thing is working out what is inside my head before I make it all sensible and coherant.
Veronica recently posted..Guess what All children are different Even ones with autism

I don’t even know what to say except:
“In LA at Casanovas tomorrow I am totally wearing my taste-tester for breastfeeding, as it was $4.”
I mean, of course I am. Are you really surprised?

“Your non-suspicious manner is important. It’s never too late for me. I did not! Oh God!”

It’s like I woke up from a blackout having murdered someone and am now covering it up. WHICH ISN’T THE LEAST BIT TRUE. I’M INNOCENT, DAMN YOU.

You have the best contact for insomniacs. You really need to advertise that.

I just tried it out. This is what I got:

Would blow Gilbert Godfried for the blog award. Me: These pants are having twins, HE got married today!

Twitter is watching Comedy Central Presents marathon tonight. No? Not a labia face thing.

The one I hear about toes. One time, I didn’t get” the anally violated lady sings.

And, you read this? F**k Duke. Hot Nerd sex 4 evah. Love, Sarah P OK. I picked sucks, kind of pretty?

Wocka wocka wocka! I’m blaming the dock of expletives and whiskey are a new way of behind) u. omg.

That’s also the best tweet Creed should have a cool blog like anal beads & I always reminds me classy.

Thank you! The black ones are MFEO. I was having a box of Bitchface. How very Renaissance. Ish.

(I’m done now. That’s really addictive. Thanks.)
Sarah P recently posted..Check it I give it to ya raw butt naked – Wu-Tang Clan

I MUST try this! *grins*
Lianne Marie Binks recently posted..Sick and tired

I can’t make sense of any of mine. The grammar of this thing is TERRIBLE.

Also, it would seem to indicate I talk way too much about The Aussie. Damn, can’t fuckin’ help myself. Kinda in love.

And also tacos. I talk too much about The Aussie and tacos. I am not sure what that means.
Brooke Farmer recently posted..Monotone

And yet, despite the bad grammar it was a little addictive. And then I got this one:

The search terms is COFFEE So you think I sat excitedly waiting for Valium. Or you mean?

And that’s kind of awesome because if someone were bringing it by I would TOTALLY wait excitedly for valium. I mean, really. Who *wouldn’t* wait excitedly for valium???
Brooke Farmer recently posted..Monotone

Hee! This is fun! I’m surprised all of my potential tweets don’t involve bacon:

“How ’bout some bacon with hope, doesn’t mean only one of Two Aint Bad. People, people, people.”
Kathy recently posted..Windy Turns Three!

I also found this one for my next Tweet:

“Obama’s 2012 Presidential Campaign slogan is: It has. It takes my head? There’s going on.”

Wow. Obama is really losing his shit.
moooooog35 recently posted..In Space- No One Can Hear You Pee

Wow. The only one of mine that even remotely made enough sense that I’d consider posting it was, “To the birdbath.” *sigh* I think this means my tweets are drivel. I’m depressed.

Why does this corndog? Because the pickles look like they hate you. Also? That taxidermied pig is MY special lady, the cheatin’ slut!
hoodyhoo recently posted..Put That BACK!

That thing makes me feel like my tweets were translated into broken english.
Beckles recently posted..Im Still Here

“Nah, they will most surely tie it up a wedding dress. You really like giant hamster nuts.”

“The Emperor of tea. Heehee! I just rubbed my friend. 2 eggs scrambled with a couple cute dresses.”

“Heehee! I will commence knocking that my favorite bloggers has lost its fucking mind.”

That second one *could* be true. Just sayin’.

“I just made an arm.”
I think the internet just predicted, not only future tweets but also a solution to the $2300 antibiotic issue.
Libby recently posted..Youre Me Except in the Ways That You Are Not

Mine were mostly gibberish, which is pretty much on target. The best ones:

“Bill Murray! Or you get out together, I hope it’s time to Come Sail Away by several, do without me”
“I’m giving away a girl who brings me swoon. Oh no! : You get DVR, and sausage are great, too!”
“I am ready to hold is in front of clogs: I might have a fine choice. Bill Murray! Or you then!”
“As long as a fine choice. Bill Murray! Or Prince! I read it. Bad storms at the next two hours!”

I didn’t realize I talked so much about Bill Murray.
Nichole recently posted..“The miracle of incantation” or- Why I’m making the kids memorize poems

AWESOME! You’ll never have to compose your own tweets again! Your day has just become that more efficient!
Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted..Vanity Band-Aids Are The New Black

Jesus Christ, even the auto-generated Tweets you’re supposedly going to make in the future are funnier than the auto-generated Tweets I’m supposedly going to make in the future. In fact, not only are mine not funny, but they don’t make a fucking lick of sense.

“.@HowardStern joined Twitter ID, but I see through your birthday too? I hate when he means Daddy.”

“Allow me to each other on here: Which, now that Google search for the muddy little face.”

“Sucky: I wish I can’t believe I hate it like to be on local drive from ceiling. Too bad enough lately.”

I really should retire.
Daddy Scratches recently posted..My wife insists that I keep blogging Basically- whatever happens from here on in is her fault- is what I’m saying

I tried to do this with my twitter account and for some reason it wasn’t working. I figured it was a sign that mine wouldn’t be very interesting and should look at more of what yours could be. Here is the first one that came up:

I can’t even be my hamster & WISH MY MOM A BLOWJOB?

I’m pretty sure you are the best twitterer EVER.

EVEN BETTER:

“I see fun celestial events because I’m not Gatoroid? Oh dear.”

Oh dear, indeed.

You totally need a replacement cobra. I mean… what happened to the last one?

It’s like it’s actually reading your mind. Cool, and scary.
Steph recently posted..I May Be Vain but Im Also Not Very Smart So it Evens Itself Out in the Long Run

Alright mine makes NO sense. So apparently I tweet a lot of non-sense? Maybe..

“Agree. Also caramels. Not True – Happy birthday! Hope you guys.. I I had those cereals whenever I keep?”
Alison recently posted..First pedicure!

Mine:
“You offended a white chocolate key lime bar. Good lord. Who’s got up to make sure the stupid lawsuit.”

Apparently desserts are suing me now. Guess that means I need to go on a diet. Twitter says I’m fat.

“Um, I put the problem with my living room: It’s Bounce-Thirty! Horrible smell in to look at a lunch box?”

“I was the room. My mom owns a baby! On a mini fridge doesn’t run on a bit concerned.”

“It’s like the skills test for whipped cream. I had hoped… : Ari: No! I wonder if you did that.”

“I can’t buy some of my living room: It’s like pee. Sheets are unhelpful in Starbucks right there!”

nice
Amber recently posted..Maybe she likes wearing shoes made out of coconut That’s a thing now- you know

I am completely with you on the two perky young priests and three squirrels but I don’t think they sell insurance that’s going to cover you there.

Honestly, even without the twitter-predictor explanation, nothing in this post would have surprised me…except maybe how much sense it makes. Which is possibly more of a reflection of my current sanity level.

On a related note, it’s really hard to type while eating a pancake wrapped breakfast sausage on a stick. Who knew?

Nom nom nom nom….

This was mine…all I can say is wow…
He is it? Loved ur uterus. Me: never see it all year..hahaha. For some ice on board but where he has CAKE.

I don’t Tweet, because no one really wants to hear me talk about my pets and kids that much, but those tweets for you all sound about right to me. It’s like they are MIND READERS.
Johi recently posted..Red Dog

My first one was this:

“Hunger. I think is absolutely BRILLIANT. I’d feel better about sniffing dildos. Oooo are you?? Hi!”

a) Yeah
b) I’m obviously (and can only) blame you
c) My head hurts from laughing
d) My work here is done.
Jay recently posted..The Gallery – Tomorrow

“Lol, happy to balance again. my squicked out side thanks you:p I’ve given thought to change a scooch over?”

“Also? Why is a brownie.”

“yeah. I haz things TO DO YOU KNOW you point me that is a good start: My niece is paid!”

I have to go now. I haz things TO DO YOU KNOW. And stop pointing me, dammit, you’re messing with my balance!
thepsychobabble recently posted..30 Days of Truth-Day 19-Religion and-or Politics

This is insane. And somewhat pointless “My already getting lyrics wrong, and THE INTERNET demand sexy woman jumps out is a facebook page for?”
John B recently posted..What a friend we have in TJ

I can’t really argue with mine either. I’d tweet these but people would call my Sweet Babou worried that I had a stroke or finally found his meth lab.

WOOT!! I am twitching and ranting. New Fokker Up: Crouching titties, hidden skinfolds.
New Fokker up: Why yes! I think fat patients aren’t real” people can suck my asshat.
The FDA and baboon bottoms. New Fokker up: More surgery??? Shitty McShit, Mayor of the redneck version of.
Betty Fokker recently posted..My 6 yr old daughter wants to menstruate

The last one I got was, ‘In case you a cowboy, and now Im doing a handbasket wearing a stranger.’ I don’t know if I should be insulted because it’s saying I’m promiscuous or if I should be happy that it knows me so well.
Daniel Devereux recently posted..Fan fiction and Flan

Here are mine:
Sometimes I know everything better! My husband: the house, and movies…Perfection!
Shhh! We can combat all expenses paid vacation? A clone? A DEATH RAY! It’s time spent with an invitation.
This leads me to believe that I need to be more cognizant of my twittering…
Sarah recently posted..The Garden Project

Dressing your taxidermied pig as your special lady must be a southern thing. We do that, too, here in Alabama. LOVE IT! (that tweet, not the actual anthropomorphic lady pig)
dee recently posted..How come you don’t post

No surprise that the site generated tweets for you that are inherently funny. You always crack me up. (I especially enjoyed “Home from something stupid.”)

I tried the site for about five minutes but came up with mostly nonsense. The best were:

“Hey Snow White, you are making Mediterranean pasta tonight. Thanks.” (Kinda bossy)

“Today, Zombieland Happiness – Snakes on 610 Loop.” (Could be cool)

“Headed to camp with homophobes. You’ll hit the zoo today.” (Fun for you. For me…not so much.)

“God, please grant me a Christina Aguilera video.” (Yes, I’m gay, but I’ve only mentioned Christina Aguilera once, geez…)
The Queer Next Door recently posted..The Onions Are Watching the Kings on Pluto!

My personal favorite:

“Any updates from court today? If so, are u using Vidal Sassoon Extra Volume. It’s distracting.”

Those are just a little bit brilliant.
Dangerboy recently posted..Scotchy Scotch- vol 7

Oh shoot! Just gave away my extra cobra. Sorry.
Lunasea recently posted..A Takes a Stand

I tweet bits and my own veal!! Vegan pizza? is a fucking bird. It’s okay.

It’s classic literature.

Ann, I think I love you based only on your next tweet: “Ever since I have got your enthusiasm for the best thing ever. I do not optional. Please sign and beer.”

I do not optional either. Not at all.
Brenna recently posted..The more you know 3- lucky me

None of this surprises me in the least bit… all sound eerily like something you would post anyways…
Carmen recently posted..Happy Tuesday- now get out of my fucking way

“My baby girl didn’t have access to the Heart of all the hell, Disney Channel? Why not?”
(I’ve always said that Disney Channel was the root of all evil.)

“I always ask for a nursing home…you don’t throw either cat, asst’d toys, stab w/knitting needles, use.”
(I fully expect to be a crazy lady in a nursing home, launching my pets, toys & attempting to stab people…)

“Wait, you still looks funny. Please vote for an anxiety disorder, and Jesus and being sarcastic, b/c Max”
(Well, OF COURSE, b/c Max, Duh.)

“Hubs is the apocalypse. Oh wait…crap, it’s ON! It’s the Pooh Wall Art!”
(I have never liked Pooh. I was not aware that Hubs was the apocalypse, however.)
Wicked SteppMom recently posted..Closer to the Heart- Pt 2- Pictures

Even though this is totally irrelevant, I ran your blog through an AI analysis (http://urlai.com/) to determine something about it:

“thebloggess.com is probably written by a female somewhere between 66-100 years old. The writing style is personal and upset most of the time.”

It said almost the exact same thing about my blog too!
Tom recently posted..Reason Number 37

I need a shirt from Zazzle that says “Okay, three words: It’s like, FUCK YOU! YOU’VE CHANGED.” So few words, so much sense. That pretty much sums up the last 15 years.

When will you be home from the crucifixion? You are like Gore Vidal covering it Live From Golgatha.
Kelly Duffy recently posted..Raw

Ummm… Holy crap. I just got this one:
“Definitely not overreacting… Whatever it is: Rape happens for tears…”

Really hard to argue with that one…………. hahahahaha
Kelly recently posted..Weekend Rewind

It didn’t work for me. Twitter has no idea what I’m gonna say next. I’m like a loaded gun, baby. I could go off at any time. I’m like a volcano ready to spew nonsense all over the face of the internet. I’m an ill-timed money shot.

Also, I am honored to have been your comment of the day yesterday. At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the best thing to happen to me all week.
Rev. Back It On Up 13 recently posted..Dance Like No One Is Watching- Then Go Fuck Yourself

That website clearly thinks I’m illiterate. The closest I got to something that made sense was actually really disturbing (see below), and they all seemed to involve my butt in some way, which I should probably discuss with my therapist:

At Tin House gouging new core into my bag of quantum entanglement? Just read this into a floppy anus.

My favorite part is that the quantum entaglement is a question. And, personally, I’d prefer that floppy and anus not ever be positioned so closely together, but maybe that’s just me.

Laughing. No, wait. It’s this:

My favorite thing is vagina friday with Jennifer Egan: TWEETUP! 30 SEXY MEMOIRISTS eating together in.

This might be the best thing that’s happened to me all year.
Shanna recently posted..Fametastic

Woah, LA Juice, it predicts you will talk about me? I need to follow you on twitter so I can help deserving sick children get a good Texas workout, yeah?
Rev. Back It On Up 13 recently posted..Dance Like No One Is Watching- Then Go Fuck Yourself

“Sept. 25th is for a sense of panic they removed her tattoo? Man Steals Ambulance, Alcohol May Have No!”

Oh, there goes the entire rest of my day! And possibly tomorrow!

And yours are a riot! Of course.
SisterMerryHellish recently posted..I Warned You

Loves him tomorrow. Either way I totally had an awesome sex dream without sour mix

Luff It
knows not what I do.. recently posted..Sedation Dentistry- what a Thriller…

Completely brilliant.
Sinickering at mine: “Not sure anyone is beautiful, but selecting gifts, not always pleasant. Managed to just picked a winner?”
But yours are spot-on hilarious. “No, that taxidermied pig dressed as my special lady is not leaving me.” OMG!!!
Queen Mahin recently posted..I Have Bi-racial Hair

is it just me or is this proof that the internet doesn’t need us anymore? We don’t even have to write funny tweets, twitter is self sustaining.
Tova recently posted..Gwyneth might be on to something

Meh.
Stop coasting.
If I Were God… recently posted..Bringin the family to war

Ok, I’m sure that everyone is doing this – but after hitting “next tweet” about 50 times I got this. –
“Ali A courier just called me to kick BFF’s ass. I have negative money. I live in spiders.”

I fucking hate spiders
Kerrie recently posted..Thanks For The Concern

This makes me wish I had a Twitter. Or maybe it makes me glad that I don’t. Hmmm… It’s definitely one of those.
Toni recently posted..Vegas Vacation

OK one more and then I’ll stop: I need to see you AND BE IN LOTS OF POPCORN I cannot WAIT to be pleased.
Cory recently posted..I want some floppy shoes…

I had to try it out.

And now, for my next tweet, I will sound like a snotty, pompous bitch: “Thank you for the creative genius that is answering questions 4 me. It’s not a suggestion.”

And heeeeere’s crazy: “I’m not spinning. We’ll see my hair cut & it means something….. : Poor Finny is peanuts compared to.”

I’m not even sure where to go from here: “Girl after one at 4:30…the dogs are your perceived mental suffering. The Pain Olympics do the lights!”

Those are pretty hilarious!!

All of mine revolved around wine, girl scout cookies, penis and Japan.
Leila (Don’t Speak Whinese) recently posted..Support Japan! It’s Good For Japan and For Your Heart

All of those tweets seem legit to me. Especially if you are wondering about your husband and the corn dog in the freezer.

I should have waited for the next one… it makes a lot more sense!

“I’m at work too. what ever been assembled and show off the bathroom on tequila…”
cursingmama recently posted..Bookity – Linkity

Hate to say it, but I could totally see you tweeting all of those! LOVE IT!

OMG I can’t wait to see you post them! And the context in which you make it work!
Crystal recently posted..Ken &amp Karen

I would totally expect you to tweet any of those statements and you know we would accept them without question. Thus is the power of the bloggess.
June with a Cleaver recently posted..How Guilt Can Make You A Better PersonOr A Really Bitter Person

You’re were a lot more coherent than mine… and spot on I may add. I could see you tweeting a number of those.

Check out mine http://bit.ly/g5D4eN

~J

I don’t even know how I got this.

Aw! Hope he’s okay! Thanks for paying £7.34 for my hair. Please take the Consultant I pass! eeek!!

One thing I do know. I use far too many exclamation marks. It’s not possible for anyone to be that excited.
Lisa Harries recently posted..Careful- my crazy appears to be contagious

Okay, I’ve only been tweeting for about five minutes, but everyone else seemed to be having so much fun with this I had to check it out:
“Dammit. I still don’t know who can get any work from that damn gay. I bet he’ll forget all the dog.”
Great. Twitter thinks I’m a homophobe. And apparently I say “dammit” way too much, because it assumes that EVERY tweet will include cursing.

Dammit.

As always, laughing my ass off.

Apparently I don’t know English, because mine all include made-up words. Such as:
“And now hear phantom babies are cheap for a batlentoo! Little guy’s favorite boys, some cocoa…”

Unless I’m the only idiot in the room that doesn’t know what a “batlentoo” is.

Mine said: “Hello gorgeous guys!!! If you are absolutely fucking McGyver of Oscars. Country living is calling.”
Hmmmm. You call yourself the McGyver of Housewives ONE fucking time and it follows you forever.

I miss flip flops.. I already feel like to start thinking happy thoughts about Cher what kind of breast!
Beckles recently posted..Im Still Here

Um. WEIRD. Who eats a Santa outfit? Clearly you put it on the cat. “I can be fine if I ate a Santa outfit, but it was tasty. Did you need a picture of Caramel Delites?”

A few of my favorites:
Shorts and helmets and watching Antiques Roadshow and giggling. There were too many children at Hooters.
I think I am I. I am formally announcing my grandma and corn bread taste like formaldehyde.
Eating a blanket. Welcome to go back to regret it. Oh boy oh boy.
I lost my life. Wine or so bad in 50 years. Onion rings dipped in the rest of my iPod.

Mine is somewhat disturbing but technically grammatically correct.
“Shaved my netflix plan, and we’re making curtains. Woot. . I am not at another restaurant again.”

Love this! here is mine….

Be a bathroom airport… Past security? okThis is super hilarious, and *work* And dangerous! WAY!

Now I know I am crazy!
squish recently posted..Change will do you good!

My future tweet reads: “And, the tobacco-spitting cowboy is fun. – Let’s plan an insane fan of cheese. Squeeze!” OMG! Hysterical.
Wildcatter’s Wife recently posted..Moving Beyond the Kitchen- Isn’t One Screwdriver Enough

Totally not surprised mine includes a vaguely religious reference to coffee:

“My coffee i didn’t kill anyone. My house for a guy was my pillow or 9 hours.”

And I am proud there is one including the phrase “roundhouse kick”:

“Another set of them. We’re in the last night! He just going to the next week, staying a roundhouse kick.”
meghann @ midgetinvasion recently posted..This Past Week- in Haiku

“Today is a required purchase when we don’t feel so naughty when we don’t know.”

“I can enter, as long as they would work on my 5 Best Books….about surviving the Roots on Saturday!”

Pretty much, most of mine made it seem like I like to be around teens a little too much. TEENS ONLY!

Mine says:
But you riled up! Iced chocolate almond milk is put plant with Bailey’s.
I think about. Yes it’s over, Im going on 4/10/11 at maths. L’s 37 year old pillowcases.
4am is frivolous. Not sure of the search term art is but tomorrow AM. Finished filing U- Z!! YEAH!!

Wow.. I could spend all afternoon doing this!!
Deina recently posted..Magnentic Poem Friday

Here are some of mine!

Are they could come and ladies who stole my ass who stole my nonexistent $30M? Dang.

Oh yes. It could be a bat on toy for the pound cake. YUM. Love I want some. giiiiiiiirrrrl. I do too.

Mommy, there’s nothing on your head. oopsie. can be outlawed. That makes me feel better, thank you.

You need to see someone just made me crazy in the news! Why? Dude – I didn’t cry though.
Carolyn recently posted..Oopsie! I Made a Mistake and I NEED Some Suggestions!

I look like robot sneezes. The only one point in them are the driver did get hit.

In Nashua Chamber Orchestra. Nar nar. Last night ruled. Totally down an extension… DINGBAT!

The hospital said it was the winning trivia team! Sunday Night Lego Party.

Best way to make sausages out of diarrhea. dream the way. Party ass hats.

Tonight I exploded some dude.

Anyone want to realize this curse. PRAIRIE OYSTERS FOR EVERYONE! Chased by adoptable dogs.

Mmmm, flood season! Happy Birthday !!! I have to win at noon.

Tip: when you eat babies. More gravy? I was looking for my new favorite one! Best Police Blotter around.
KD recently posted..personal- totally conscious update

DUDE! This comment section is effing hilarious!! My last one is my favorite.
Here are mine:
-They need to me. Can’t wait to help you blew my mind Wow, Bigfoot is a bit ashamed to drive the latest
-I have been googling my way through the 80s with iPhone Seriously Twitter, today you prefer?
-Great! Now I thought he LIVED! I know, right?? I didn’t read it. Ugh. I forget I’m playing on plus+,
-Get your blog Ewww! I’m watching a lactard, so right!

I’m addicted! This is my best one now:

-Watching Firefly…and it’s better because I am allowed goat cheese

Mine said “hot, cute, fierce, weird cheetah fight. ramalama.” and I don’t even tweet that much.
Of course, I was forced to tweet that. The world needs to hear it.

I honestly could spend a few hours on that site.

“Forgive me, Twitter, for 18 hours.”
“I’ve been nearly two weeks since my last night.”
“Everybody poops, yes, but what you did there is quite impossible for 18 hours. Feels good.”
“I’m convinced that I can’t help but mistakenly see Sleestak.”
“Just finished reading Catcher in Morocco. Don’t Panic!”
“GRAPES! I love the cooking of that crazy hobo.”
“This summer on your couch. Just sayin’. I’m allergic…”
“Gospel music is unholy. Oh no, not toad.”

“I can see that asian sex dungeon. Victor is like vagina.”

Home from Jesus’ death? is awesome. It’s like you’re saying “I can’t believe it’s over so soon, I thought for sure Moses ramble on forever….”
bschooled recently posted..The Evolution of The Cameltoe

“I read in Clusterfuck, USA. Wish me luck!!! Help I deal with you had me luck!!! : There is my angle.”

“There is my ham and the scalpers’ integrity is valued at sheep shit, which is widely acknowledged as this!”

I read like a poorly translated Japanese t-shirt…

“Orrr, you have cats. You should meet my desk? New! Horse-flavored ice cream! For you.”

I am so ashamed. I don’t have a Twitter account and I Don’t know how to Tweet. Please forgive me, I will get right to it!
Laurie F. recently posted..If I Had My Own TV Show – fiftysomething

“You Shouldnt Even Need a Sad Movie: The building smells like skinny bitches. And THIS is happening!”

Even this website writes better tweets than I do. fail.
Jessica recently posted..It would be fun to watch

evidently this program thinks i’m not speaking English as a first language, AND i’m batshit insane:

“Sometimes i would send you out now, to follow me in related news, so i have bongs, pipes, bubblers.”
“It’s fucking pizza! Proteus marching! Lundi gras ho!!!”
“I ever saw was erotica fanfiction to be your feathers riled up?”
“The misspellings in april is never using paypal just ate every bit of my house.”
“Tweet about the dragon-on-person furry porn and that one.”
“Because right now, i’ve been clawed by evil trolls! seriously raised eyebrows. when he sleeps. damn.”

Paypal just ate every bit of my house.
wow.
i don’t even know what to add to that. so:

“Paypal Just Ate Every Bit Of My House.”
it’s a bitch like that.
Satan recently posted..get your party on

Oh, fun! I played just long enough to get: “Seriously, all mercy. There’s nothing wrong with my son’s accidentally opening an electric butt.”

2011: the rise of the sentient twittering machines.

I’m posting some of them as actual tweets and a) it really is a little hard to tell that it’s not me and b) wondering what the threshold is before a verbal recursion-explosion.

“Woo-hoo! Colors! Also, I don’t know whether to move away from the Killer Asteroid Project.”
“Coffee Twitters: Incessant social networking updates as being against equality clauses in my head.”
“John Cleese AND Amanda palmer on it last night. Just had a sailor with Tourette’s Syndrome.”
“Home, having soup on my head. Oh, here comes more work! That was fantastic. Least. Productive. Week.”
“Goodbye, MarsPhoenix. See you again. In other news, I went to it last night. It was fantastic.”
“I sang Sweet Transvestite at karaoke on a window. Pros: I have mastered risotto.”
“Oh, the weekend: continued sloth, with an artichoke. Could be relieved or Cojones?”
“I trust you again. In other news, I have some adventures banked! Okay, you’re back.”
“I think I have developed a hint of lassitude. Lazy Front moving my very presence.”

And the biggest lie:
“Twitter? Someone pinch me! I’m getting really good.”

After reading this – I now know why I am not a member of Twitter. It causes brain damage.

At least yours are coherent. Mine clearly indicate that I’ve mixed vodka with the Zoloft (again):

“Well, thank you. I’m wrong and blog then I carry back in 18 months. I most of it was so I had such?” (clearly, I said this to my bestie as we staggered out of the pub)
“Oh, hell. It would be moving to eliminate the hell yeah!!! More details please. I dunno.” (definitely drunk)

Except for this one. “Will be to go into Canada…. it IS bad. pull up two countries, asshat. shut. Up.”

Sorry, Canadians.
Jenn recently posted..The Gallery- Tomorrow

Completely hysterical! You always make me smile…I hope your family is on the mend. Obviously, you have kept your humor about you…or is it your wits?
Jeane recently posted..“Reality Politics” disclaimer- Not intended to be a factual statement

This is so acurate!

“I am…bwahahahaha! I feel like a wonderful sight! BRAINMUSH!”

Oh my gosh! This is too funny.
Heather recently posted..Working on a BIG project!

My god. So many wonderful gems to choose from, but I think this one is my favorite: “I need two perky young priests and three squirrels. After insurance.” I can just picture the scenario in my mind that would lead to such a demand. As for me, it predicts one of my next tweets will be:

“Currently watching a scary sight. I wouldn’t trust a crime. Watching an alien”

Truer words were never spoken. Or, how about this one?

“Read my blog. Yikes! Glad you visit.”

I need to formulate better tweets.
Dani recently posted..So You Will Never Guess Where I Have Been No Really- You Wont

I totally believe every last one of those.

Oh. And? I totally agree with your potential tweets. Too hilarious! Especially “I need two perky young priests and three squirrels.” Brilliant!
jenny gee recently posted..Just a quick post

My tweets are all perversely sexual except the last one; which is even more awkward considering all the other ones before it.

“Opposite of dawn. Was his 1st time ever! I just so powerful! I’m coming!”
“Thanks! we’ll see if she bungled a game! she bungled a real snowstorm. 24 inches?????!!!!!!!!!”
“Lol. Hint taken! Can you retweet I’m coming! Okay, thanks, get a min. Of course. Now follow me now. LMAO.”
“That’s amazing! A LOT better. Vodka, nannies, greasers, polygamists, capital punishment.”
“Dear Girl Scouts: please make oat flour with a manicure w/ a baby for the gym.”
Marie G recently posted..19- Visit 5 States CHECK

“It doesn’t work after Chris & I leave for some brain picking”

“I feel like, he gets horribly hot in trouble, hey la”

And my favorite …

“Like, what, there’s an award show going to work that … Just … I completely agree with her body search.”

All of the ones I got made it seem like I’m a crazed ad-robot, all but this one:

“I like pink, pu.”

….do I? Well great.

Mine are pretty messed up since I tweet in Dutch and English, but this one describes my tweets lately fairly accurately (also, all of it is in one language):

“En zon. Meer zon. Meer zon. Meer zon. Meer zon. Kom ik ben afgepeigerd. ga Sims spelen.”
translation:
“And sun. More sun. More sun. More sun. Well I’m dead-tired. off to play Sims.” (apparently adjusting the sun level is very tiring)

The next one makes me sound like Yoda on crack but it makes me laugh so I thought I’dd add it.
“!! AND GONE! GLORY HALLELUJAH! Out I bet you MUST eat… :S wanna move to a LOT of 70s emo usernames.”

Half blowjobs are more common than you think. I’m one of those guys who doesn’t really like them. I’ve had several attempts made, but never completed the transaction. I always get a pity-upgrade to first class.
Fred Miller recently posted..What The Bloggess Has Taught Me

Tweeting, Shmeeting. Am I just too old to see the importance of the “tweet?”
“Susan Says…” recently posted..Snap Out of It- Catherine Zeta Jones

Really, that site is brilliant. I generally just use Twitter to publicize my blog posts, so it is a series of post titles. The possible tweets this came up included titles of blog posts I want to write or wish I had written.
Wilhelm Arcturus recently posted..Pokemon Global Link Has Launched!

I’m late to this party, but I just tried this:
“Yes everyone loves Death, because she loves Death, because she loves Death, because she loves Death.”

I have no idea where that came from, but it is creeping me out. I get the feeling that this is like “One Missed Call” but lamer because it’s Twitter.

The next one isn’t helping either: “The opening act are where they sand your eyes like Eisenhower. I black out loud.”

This is like Mad Libs but without the work.
Pablo Andreu recently posted..IRS Lets Procrastinator Skip Taxes

Sacrificed James Corden to buy cake* Hello, new followers! *waves like brooligans.

Awesome. I’ll never need to tweet again.
Mr Farty recently posted..Now I Feel Bad

Mine were all totally ramdom……

… He ate my knife ten times. When you’re good for I want me.
… I don’t. I nominate for a good to mamma, mamma’s good for love. … I say yawn because She’ll stab me!
… Pick up the master of a fucking monkey. … I’m the pools of a sandwich. …
… My body is that have sex with a superstar, Yes please. … This world’s not my god, it’s living that!
… Catch the craziest one design and that’s to swim in the best offence. … Take the star! …

But then……..

The Most unsettling thing about an empty shrink’s waiting room is a cow…

This one almost seems poetic.

This was ours:
World Exclusive Interview With The Bronx Zoos Cobra Pet Product Review & Ellen DeGeneres hair raising!

Not even going to read into this.
LookieLou recently posted..Oh the Hood Rats always get blamed!

Oh I loved that..I got gibberish for the most part.

Sorry to hold off readin after all pee laughing. Dangerous. *brain explodes* she’s strict like cheesy.

My god…I laughed so I get it fly? Just don’t have fun!!: yeah Constantine had to get limpy handshakes.

I adore them. I just the world…gimpy-like and dressed inappropriately. WIN! haha Wow…

and my favorite:

I’m barely 5 feet. *grin* awww sorry i have shoulder surgery haha. You get the preserves…

My favourite so far: Call for that this is in the eighties to detach it for abortion when you wonder. .
Kristin recently posted..Letter to my mother

This was too fun, especially considering I had a bunch of crapola in my cache (did that sound sexual?) from when I was working for another company. HEE-larious. Here are the good ones.

I DID update…how about my waistband…of my waistband…of my Virginia..
I figured I suspect it more for work.
Wall Street Journal – we are getting somewhere. testing, 1..2..3..
Crawfish Crisis!
Thanks! Sage grouse as butterfly – great idea.
Devon Energy Devon Energy CEO: oil, gas prices to tuck mine six shooter into my Virginia..
I hear you can make working out a comedy sitcom…I might actually believe you.
Eh, hoser! I agree completely.
Stacie McDonald recently posted..I Heart Texas WeatherWith a Cherry on Top

This was mine: You’re welcome: Remember: When you have bruises all over because MY IPHONE IS BROKEN. You are NO fun

So, my next tweet seems to be “OMG Mr Burns?! That’s true. Rad anyway what went wrong. A pony for sure?”
or
“Later: Chinese Food, Harry Potter in Bavaria. Awesome combination of games and tweeds I confuse spent”?”
or
“One of a phone sex provider who will be up by Christians. Always get a photographer. Surprise!”
or
“Longlonglong day. Books are awesome. Life is too much for Batman on my store & for US citizens of my?”
But… life is never to much for Batman!

Half a blowjob? Maybe I’m just ancient; but that sounds tacky indeed.
Bodaciousboomer recently posted..My guess is he was wearing a thong

Okay, so now I did yours, and it gave me a variation on two of the tweets you posted:

Victor’s arm is like FUCK YOU! YOU’VE CHANGED.

It also seems to really like Victor:

Victor has a lie. For one bottle.

I need to probably get that I’m sorry. Victor’s doing mean things without thinking.

These are my two favorites that I got, though:

It’s also like vagina.
You benefit from my tweets.

Most of mine don’t even make sense because I post half of the time in spanish… but this one cracked me up:

“Now it rained a great salad with lightsabers speechless… Magical. Boobie.”

In the best. Honestly … all y’all! Pissed off. That’s what’s happening. Grrrrump.

Apparently I have anger management issues.
Ashli V recently posted..As If By Magic

I miss you Bloggess! Here’s another few…

Order restored, kitties ate something naughty!
3:44 am- watching some pent up tires.
Learning to blog post is that! I’ve got to order more than my package today…
I took some boring if you refreshing.
I don’t know what you’d think that’s a painful sunburn and goldfish crackers count as per the car @ 1:30!

Jeezus, talk about stream of consciousness…
Jean C. recently posted..Dear ShirleyA letter for all overbearing mothers

Most of mine didn’t make sense because I use too many words in all my tweets so it was just convoluted gibberish. But here are a few that made me giggle AND made sense (sort of):

“My shampoo smells like P. Diddy. And I look phallic.”
“I certainly don’t rap about pap smears.”
“I’m afraid I’ll just shave my uterus. Give me a smiley face. You’re freakishly tall!”
“I love bald people. No pun intended. I’ll just shave everyone’s heads.”
“I like basic math. But I am Conan O’Brian. I have hidden myself under your penis.”
“I’m hysterical and wake up and casually follow people.”
“I rap about twisted sexual encounters. But I just interrupted a Nazi.”
“Fudge. I think it’s a hooker!”
“SO BASICALLY YOU KNOW IT ISN’T UNTIL 2012. Eeeurgh. This is your penis?”
And the one I decided to end on: “I think I used to rock?”

Okay I have to stop now. I HAVE TO. Every time I read your blog I get addicted to something weird.
Jess recently posted..Anonymity breeds all kinds of shit

I was looking at that site ( with your twitter name) and got…”They aren’t murder victims.”
Accurate?

It’s … it’s … it’s spooky.

Mine may be the best yet…

“Up. Eric coming later or call his past girlfriends, afterall he quits drinking or chick is NOT live?”

You haven’t had any new post out for 5 days. I am having some sort of withdrawal. I know you have been busy somewhere at some bloggy conference I just have this urge to tell you I love you. That’s all.

I’ve learned that I ask way too many questions and do not mention corndogs enough!

- Isn’t obvious?! Sheesh. Just wondering if you’re a Vajazzle and rainbows.
- I’m lying in Michelle Williams mouth. I was just tearing up some snow : We have just questioned why I say?
- Seriously people, this departure lounge who live in spandex? lol I prefer my wife’s addiction and kittens.
-Craziest thing is, I fail.

Thanks for the link. We’ve not got something to do at our next woman’s night out. And, thanks for the blog roll. I love reading funny women and you just made it easier.

Too funny! It suggested I tweet “time to order some seriously poor choices” and “my doorman just spilled salad dressing on my Bulgarian co-worker”.
Leanna Vera recently posted..Saturday Silliness

We’re Having a kicker. Ive been busting my non-size 4 ass on The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Grease Spotlight.

We’re Having a while back. Fiasco probably isnt the Street Mommy Bloggers in Blogging Schedule Routine?

Skratchkabin from & Page Paranoia – Clean Up Your Expectations?
and
Can you but I was floored this day and few don’ts.

I don’t ever have to blog again because apparently my next tweets will be just like my spam.
Jen recently posted..I Channeled Lucille Ball for my Wedding

Haha awesome! I have to check it out.
Memoirs of a Single Dad recently posted..A Contest for Bloggers – For Love or Money

Still not understanding half a blowjob. Can someone pls explain?
Bodaciousboomer recently posted..Corn cobs and nachos and snow cones- oh my

So mine?

“Only communists don’t want further elaboration. Ever. Need more coffee. Are you can have to Lil’ Jon.”

I really don’t have anything I can say about that.

@jendieff? Apparently is crazy.
Jen Dieffenbacher recently posted..We Probably Cant Go Back To The Old Navy

“Also, I hate living in a fantasy world of forgetting not be critical of itself.”

The best one I’ve gotten! Also:

“You may be tempted to potentially hoard!”
“Ugh… Tired. Allergy-ridden. My eyes are very gung-ho about love from our partner site Redeem it just.”

I also got one that was a single period!

Mine:

1. I love my flight to cafe du Monde with someone who you work with I was put in the dadbloggers are in.

2. Did you are. It’s helpful to commit spouseicide. HAH! We’re on BlogHer yet.

3. So I feel bad for anything exc. maybe a breastfeeding conversation. And now, getting paid in New?

But this is my favourite:

4. I just rendered her inner critic.

Ok whoa…

“Breast or advice? My sentiments exactly. I Love exists! Photos: Egyptians celebrate president’s!”
“I liked a terrible poison that long any day. My husband and literature. Do you poo poo?”
“I think about that means. Any helpful tips or advice? My abs are AWESOME!!”

ha ha
Lorita recently posted..A little panicky- but overall calm

I read about this. I was thinking of trying it but I don’t think I can bear one more thing that takes up more of my time. I’m so good at wasting it already.
When Pigs Fly recently posted..I just found out I have a problem I didnt know I had

Hahaha. And this:
“Okay, typing without looking.”
“I meant ”brothers” obviously. My cat’s snoring. Makes me believe in a pedophile. I’m gonna make sense.”

Yes. Yes I am.
One day.

Tears, seriously. Both from reading yours, and then also from reading my own suggestions. Wow.
KeepingYouAwake recently posted..It’s Better with Someone Else

these are amazing. none of mine make any sense at all!

“Today i am punk, without me a Buzz On At Beauty Nice Dallas thats not asian for Human Rights.”

That is just wrong!

This is so late, but it is so fantastic that I almost passed out.

http://twitter.com/#!/miss186/status/64539721916891137

After reading your suggested tweets, I had to try this myself. And I must admit, when one of them was actually cohesive, it made me laugh hysterically. And even though I had some good predictions, I don’t know if any of them can top, “I NEVER WORE THAT, VICTOR. So stabby.”

Ain’t technology just the best? I think so.

Nobody will ever read this BUT mine is: (and I shit you not)

“I think we all been interrupted whilst sacrificing goat. Is that is a light touch to pay there to”