Ok, so last week I made this shirt for cats to wear.
I made it for cats who don’t want to wear your damn shirts.
But they didn’t have any cat models at my online store so instead I used a baby but then I photo-shopped my cats face on it for my blog because I was like “Who is going to find this shirt without first going through my blog? No one, obviously.” But turns out that “Shirley from Florida” found it and was not amused and went to the trouble to look me up, which honestly is probably not that much trouble considering that my store has my picture and name all over it. She was actually quite nice and explained that this shirt was terribly inappropriate and I was all “Okay, technically you’re right because it’s labeled as G-rated even though it clearly has lots of profanity on it, but the target audience for the shirt can’t read anyway so I’m not too worried. Plus, it’s less of an ad for a shirt, and more of an ad about why you shouldn’t buy that shirt” and then she explained that she was more concerned with the fact that I was selling a shirt for babies that told people to undress them and also said “Please steal me” on the back and that’s when I realized that she had no idea this shirt was for cats (even though it CLEARLY says it’s for cats in the title). Still, she had a point and I don’t want to be responsible for someone accidentally buying a shirt for their baby that promotes them getting kidnapped so I went back to the drawing board and found out that zazzle totally does have pet clothes. Which would be awesome except they don’t have any cat models and they only let you write stuff on one side of the shirt so I can’t even get my whole message across because dog bellies are too small to write t-shirt slogans on, apparently. Also, the item description written by zazzle goes on and on about the stitching on the “leg holes” and it’s a shirt. I’m pretty sure shirts don’t have leg-holes, zazzle. Now we’re all confused.
PS. Victor says they probably wrote “leg-holes” because “dogs don’t have arms”. And this is exactly why Victor isn’t allowed to pick out pets without me. Because he’d come home with an armless dog and think that was totally normal. I don’t have time to take care of an armless dog, you guys. I can barely take care of myself.
PPS. It is possible that zazzle doesn’t offer cat models simply because they agree with my initial idea that cats shouldn’t wear t-shirts. So, I guess, touche, Zazzle. Also, I want to point out that Zazzle does not pay me for all this advertising because I’m not a whore. Except that Zazzle is a company I’m using to sell merchandise. So I guess I am a whore. One that isn’t very good with business deals.
PPPS. Dear Zazzle: You owe me like a billion dollars in advertising.