Two totally random and unexpected gifts I got yesterday that are so completely fucked up and awesome at the same time that I almost cannot breathe:
1. A box of 31 used Star Wars novels that no one ordered.
Apparently my friend Andy Sernovitz (who I met on the aircraft carrier a few weeks ago) decided I needed them. Which is kind of weird. And what’s even weirder is that when I first opened it I thought it was the exact same box of Star Wars novels that we’d just sold on ebay and that someone was just fucking with me but those were the Star Wars bounty hunter series and this was a different set and I probably won’t read all of them because the Star Wars novels are kind of crap except the one where Chewbacca dies and I totally cried a little when I read that one. Also *spoiler alert* Chewbacca dies, y’all. I don’t really think that’s a “spoiler” though because it’s not like Wookies are immortal. Eventually he was gonna die anyway. Except now I can’t really remember how he died. I think he got hit by a car. Also, I thought it was weird that Andy sent me these because on the carrier I really only talked about Battlestar Gallactica with him and I wondered how he knew I was also a Star Wars girl but then I remembered that we got this mass email telling us that Captain Nasty had just been promoted to Admiral after we left the ship and several of the career bloggers on the trip emailed back and said how happy they were for him because they’d given him a little career advice and that probably helped and I wrote back:
"I don't want to brag but right before we left I was all "You know who's higher ranked than you? Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars. And that guy's part octopus." Pretty sure that's what pushed him to murder the old Admiral. I mean, I assume that's how you get the title. It's like Highlander, right? There can be only one."
No one responded to me.
2. On the way to my aunt’s funeral my father ran out to his taxidermy shop and gave me this:
And he’s all “You know…for Christmas.”
***
That space there was the sound of me not breathing because I couldn’t even make up something more fucked-up to say when you hand someone a bobcat skull tied to some kinda bear trap with candy cane antlers. And then I guess he took my silence for awe because he was all ”Yeah. That is a *real* bobcat tongue” the same way that other people say “That’s solid gold”. And then he told me to make sure Hailey didn’t try to eat the candy canes and I’m all “I don’t think it will be a problem” but turns out when I brought it in and told her that her Papa made it for us to hang up at Christmas she was all “Yum! But where did he get the candy canes?” like that was the weird part. And then she patted its head and said “Hello, bobcat” and I’m all “How did you even know that was a bobcat?” and she’s all “Oh, I know bobcats” in this foreboding way like she’d had some sort of long, dramatic history with bobcats except that she’s fucking four. And then I told Victor I was going to hang it on our door this year instead of a Christmas wreath and Victor gave me this look like I was insane, probably because he realizes that it’s so fucking awesome that someone will probably try to steal it, but I’ll only put it out when I’m home and also if people steal at Christmas it’s usually because they are really poor and in need so I try not to be judgey. Unlike Victor, who is kind of an asshole about poor people apparently.
"You know...for Christmas."
PS. Victor just read this and said that Chewbacca was murdered and was not hit by a car and that I was probably thinking of this pomeranian we used to have. So, spoiler alert: My pomeranian was murdered by a car.
PPS. Victor says it’s not “murder” if you run over a dog, so fine. My dog was “involuntary manslaughtered” by a car.
Comment of the day: My question about Star Wars novels: Do we get to hear Chewbacca’s thoughts? I want access to Chewbacca’s inner life. The whole time I watch Star Wars I’m wondering: ‘What’s Chewbacca thinking?’ I’ll bet it’s good, whatever it is. ~ ozma
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I once got a ten foot bull whip from mexico mysteriously.
Miss Destructo’s last blog post..Filthy and Gorgeous
Dude. That might be the awesomest thing I’ve ever seen, and if I was a poor person in your neighborhood on Christmas, I’d steal the hell out of it.
The tinsel hair makes it. That and the pompom eyeballs. Festive!
karen’s last blog post..Baby Steps
omg, that’s the most bizarre object ever… with authentic bobcat tongue – lmfao – and to get it on the way to a funeral… well – words fail me
Sheila’s last blog post..Zen and the Art of Enforced Inactivity
My question about Star Wars novels: Do we get to hear Chewbacca’s thoughts? I want access to Chewbacca’s inner life. The whole time I watch Star Wars I’m wondering: ‘What’s Chewbacca thinking?’ I’ll bet it’s good, whatever it is.
ozma’s last blog post..Crazy Dictator Month: Depressing Edition
I don’t even know what a Bobcat is, but I bet Gwyneth calls it a William Feline.
Cause she is a tool like that.
Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo’s last blog post..Kumbaya my Lord, kumbaya…
things are becoming more clear now. Plus, I’d totally hang that on my door.
momranscreaming’s last blog post..nope, no one here is high maintenance
Waitaminute. How did all the flesh come off of the bobcat skull but the tongue remains? Are you sure that isn’t a piece of beef jerky in his mouth? Oh wait–don’t try it to find out.
Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..Vacation, All I Ever Wanted. . .
Yikes! Make sure you keep Barnaby Jones inside. I have a skull collection, but no bobcat skull. None of my skulls have candy canes or tinsel OR a real tongue. Wanna trade?
ChimaeraLaurie’s last blog post..Poppies and lupins and a bridge?
Okay. That is the weirdest thing I have seen in a long time. Is your father taking meds? I think he needs to if he isn’t. Maybe ditch the candy canes and drape spider webs around for Halloween. Yuck.
I hate that chewbacca died. He was my favorite character. Waaahhhh Can’t quite spell a wookie sound.
Sorry about your dog. That has to be tough. Don’t let your father near him though. Ewww. He might make something for Easter with him.
Coco’s last blog post..AND THE NOMINEES ARE
So I suck about getting your random gift to you (so sorry) but I’ll get it out this week. It’ll be good for me to focus on something else for a bit.
perksofbeingme’s last blog post..A weekend at Cindy’s
I won’t steal it. Even though I totally want to.
Rikki’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday. I’m serious this time.
Them’s swell gifts and all, but a Chewbacca skull would have been even awesomer.
Um, wow. I got nothin’.
blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..If this post seems familiar it’s because I wrote one almost exactly like it two weeks ago. Feel free to skip this one. You won’t hurt my feelings. Much.
My five year old niece keeps telling people that her father killed a coyote and they buried in the yard. No one knows why she is saying this, least of all her father. So maybe Hailey really does have a past with bobcats. Or, maybe, my sister needs to have a look around her yard, sometimes a dead hooker can look like a coyote. In certain light.
The hell with stealing it, you’d find me kneeling in supplication before it. I’d do my best to start a Bobcat Christmas Cult, which has a totally bitchin’ sound to it.
It has come to my attention that apparently Bob is short for Robert and not William and I am all ‘whatever’ cause I still say that Gwyneth would totally call that skull William, because she is a tool.
Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo’s last blog post..Kumbaya my Lord, kumbaya…
Awww, how cute!!! Hailey is gonna be just like her grandpa!
All knowing and shit at 4! Thats awesome. =0
peedee’s last blog post..Somethings Wrong
You better keep that indoors because really, who wouldn’t want to steal that? Its awesome!
That gift from your dad totally explains SO much!
gurukarm (@karma_musings)’s last blog post..Prop 8, Gay Marriage, and Sikhs
As usual, you have almost killed me from not being able to breathe due to laughing too hard.
Hey bloggy, have you considered buying a kindle? I wish I had one, maybe one of the new DX models. You can run of of room eventually if you read a lot, and the kindle books are a lot cheaper then buying the book itself. hey if you got lots of bucks, buy one for me while your at it. lol
Take care Bloggy. love your tweets
I have to be honest, I would totally steal that Thing off your door. I don’t care what the holidays tell me about being good, just *look* at it.
I want to know how your daughter knew that was a bobcat skull. Actually, no I don’t. I really, really don’t.
Steve’s last blog post..Mall
That Christmas bobcat skull totally kicks the ass of the skull of Satan my husband insists we keep next to my glow-the-dark Blessed Virgin Mary statue!
Misha’s last blog post..Broken
DUDE! The bobcat! Holy Co–BOBCAT! I love it. I want one! He should sell those on Ebay. But I would probably scream and burn it but now that I think about it, can you burn bones? I’m gonna go try that out. Now I’ll I need is some bones. Humm. This all could have been the Ambien talking.
AmberMc’s last blog post..I’m going going, back back, to A Z… a z…
I was wanting to make everyone’s xmas gifts this year. Some magnets, scarves, etc. But what else? I was stressing about what to make for the men. This is great! I hope the neighbors don’t miss their cats.
LizzB’s last blog post..That Big Silver Screen In The Sky
The bobcat thing is totally awesome and totally disgusting at the same time.
Dijea’s last blog post..I should never participate in a drug trial.
That’s funny that Hailey said that cuz while I was reading this I was all, “Where the hell did he get Candy Canes in June?” Because the rest of the entry didn’t faze me in the least. I know what blog I’m reading.
I know you’re busy killing off Chewbacca with a 4×4 and all but do you know that your site still doesn’t work in Firefox? It’s unnerving. Like when Obi Wan Kennobi died. Except, when he died, I was sad.
C.J.’s last blog post..Grace in Small Things Part 25 of 365
Are you sure? Because I’m looking at it in firefox and it looks fine for me. Is it possible that you just have really high and unrealistic expectations about what this site is supposed looks like when it’s working properly?
The gifts that your father gives you explain so very many things. I mean deeply traumatic gothic things. In a loving family way of course.
Carolyn Online’s last blog post..Deep South primer.
Jenny, you need to explain to LizzB that a bobcat isn’t the same as a cat named Bob. Her neighbors are really going to be pissed.
LizzB ~ DO NOT MURDER THE NEIGHBORHOOD CATS. Go to the pound instead.
To get already dead animals I mean. Not to adopt cats so you can boil the flesh off their heads. That probably goes without saying but thought I should clarify just in case.
Yes. I am on board with this entire post. Also, drunk.
Just think of the poor bastard that could have gotten an authentic bobcat tongue in a skull with candy cane ears attached in an unfortunate drunk e-bay incident. Now THAT is a Christmas story if ever I heard one.
Mocha’s last blog post..Thank You For Understanding
“bobcat tongue” i think you could prob cure something with that, something like malfunctioning peni, i think.
mylittlebecky’s last blog post..the voices are getting stronger
Um, i just had a hysterectomy and am not supposed to drive, lift shit, or have sex for weeks. My discharge orders should have listed not reading your fucking blog either. I laughed so hard I think I am now bleeding in places that weren’t cut. Thanks Bloggess. Love you too. I’m going to have “Hello Bobcat” stuck in my head all night. More meds please.
Amy Shields’s last blog post..Sunday Farting – Type P
That’s not at all how I pictured your aunt.
I’m on a new timesaving blog skimming schedule. It’s working out well, I think.
Nothing says “I love you” quite like skulls from Dad (or a husband/daughter team that accepts decorated bones into the house with glee – well, maybe not actual glee from Victor, more like a resigned sigh). Maybe Hailey could put curlers in the tinsel hair so it looks like you?!
I’m kind of jealous that your dad makes you really awesome stuff like that. Mine called me yesterday and was all, “You know that surround sound system I gave you last year? Are you using it? Because I kind of want it back.” And I was like, “You never gave me a surround-sound system, and besides, my TV is 800 years old so it wouldn’t even work if you did.” And he’s all, “You lost it, didn’t you?” And I was all, “YOU NEVER GAVE ME ONE.” And then he sighed and hung up on me, and then called me back 20 minutes later to say that he found it in the garage, and never mind. And I yelled at him “It’s your fault I’m a fucking flake!” And he told me that my tone was unwarranted. He works for the post office. He never brings me skulls.
emvandee’s last blog post..Today was also the best day ever, and I know that you’re going to stop believing me when I say that. Here, have some strawberry shortcake.
Also, I did an ebay search for “Professor Happycat” one time when I was drunk because I kind of love LOLcats, which is embarrassing BUT YOU KNOW YOU DO TOO. I ended up with like $60 worth of cat crap. So I totally get it.
emvandee’s last blog post..Today was also the best day ever, and I know that you’re going to stop believing me when I say that. Here, have some strawberry shortcake.
I got an unexpected wok once.
Tracy Lynn’s last blog post..You Know It’s A Good Party When Someone Is On Their Knees In Front Of The Couch
Can’t.Fucking.Breathe!!!!!! OMG. I want one…. Do you think if I asked nicely that your Dad would make me one? Cuz, I wanna be one of the cool kids with a bobcat skull that has *real* bobcat tongue in it on my front door!!!
Asha’s last blog post..Of Course I’m the Problem…
Wow- you should totally drop a hint where you dad got the bobcat head. i know too many people i would love to get one for!!
P.S. Sorry about the involuntary dogslaughter….
viemoira’s last blog post..Rewarded with Training
You should get your Dad to decorate a skull for every holiday. A rabbit would be cool for Easter but might make the neighborhood children cry. Then you’d be like Boo Radley’s house on your block.
Yellow Trash Diaries’s last blog post..If I Didn’t Have A Vagina I Wouldn’t Believe I Was A Woman Sometimes
Seriously, this is the creepiest, most festive thing I have ever seen. I love it.
Gabriel Gadfly’s last blog post..Commandments
Okay, your branch did not fall far from that tree did it? Hmmm, but I would totally put that ornament on a tree if I had one at Christmas, I would make it one of those theme trees. The Christmas Tree of Death!
I’m going to have nightmares. Serious nightmares that involve bobcat tongues and disturbing Christmas decorations.
Note to self, do not read blogs right before bed, you just never know what you’ll come across
Stacy’s last blog post..MWW
I really miss your crazy. How many days to BlogHer?
Oh, and of course Hailey knows bobats. Didn’t the ninja’s tell her about them?
Headless Mom’s last blog post..The Headless Guide To BlogHer ‘09- The Rest
Your dad is the shit! Though something about the tongue makes it quite unsettling… Anycreepyway. Does he have an Etsy shop?
Hey! You know how you lick frog backs and can see in the future? What woud tongue kissing rigor mortis bobcat tongue do to you? Let me know how it goes.
Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..I Killed Tweety
That is wicked. I’d love to receive a box full of star wars book, problem is, I think I have them all in boxes under my house. The only series I haven’t read are the Xwing/clone wars ones… not enough interest for me in those. Great post, +1 subscriber.
Insanity540’s last blog post..Terminator Salvation Review
MAN! The only surprise gift I ever got was an oversized T-shirt and some pirate stickers (but pirates are awesome, so that actually worked out pretty well).
Also: this is seriously the funniest post I have ever read. Thank you. You are invited for Christmas… but bring the bobcat.
Random’s last blog post..Mail!
that is awesome! would much rather have that then the lands end catalog i got in the mail.
Jen, it wasn’t really “manslaughter”…it was “dogslaughter”!
Jean’s last blog post..Cupcake Friday!!!
In 1997 I mysteriously received the entire MTV Party To Go series. It was my first year of college and I think I was drunkenly entering contests online.
Wow. That is the best thing I think I’ve ever seen. I don’t even know where to begin. My spleen hurts from laughing.
strangely i saw this and thought of a friend of mine who would think it was the coolest thing ever…of course this is a friend I also gave a baby orange cone to, swaddled in a blanket because she killed it’s father, and she loved that, so….
mountainmomma18’s last blog post..I may have been banned from Panera, or how I almost beat someone to death with their laptop
Well, call Victor what you will but I would define murder as being crushed between a planet and it’s nearest moon while saving Hans and his son. Sounds like bravery and courage to me. I imagine that’s how your dog died, saving a neighborhood puppy from being crushed between the pavement and a car. Also, I pictured Admiral Akbar yelling “It’s a trap!” as he murdered the previous Admiral so he could make it appear as if he was trying to save his mark’s life. You gotta watch out for those octopoda.
Jeremy’s last blog post..Episode 1 – Thunderheart Inc.
I’m not sure if I’d hang the festive skull on the door so much as I would put it on the end of a broom stick and drive it into the middle of my backyard. Then I’d wrap myself up and a bed sheet (I don’t have a white one I’d consider dressing up in, so it would probably have to be the Bambi set for the single bed, vintage 1982), light one of those anti-mosquito torches on fire, and dance around until the old biddy next door finally decides to shut her damn curtains and leave us alone already! That would totally teach her for snooping. I bet the cops wouldn’t laugh as hard as I’d like them to. They’re notoriously humourless.
Tea’s last blog post..Don’t Make Me Beg
So have you rigged the mouth yet to open and close so that you can make it sing “If I Could Turn Back Time”?
Steam me up, kid’s last blog post..Please, Prosy. There are girls in Africa who don’t even HAVE a clit. Ever think of that? No. I didn’t think so.
Do you think your dad and your daughter would agree to meet me for coffee one of these days? Because I’d like to sit down with them and be all, “Okay, you two. Explain the universe.” I’d totally base the rest of my life on whatever they said.
Evn’s last blog post..Transamerican Idol
So have you rigged the mouth yet to open and close so that you can make it sing “If I Could Turn Back Time”?
Please pick this as your Comment of the Day. Because let’s face it: the bobcat skull has Cher hair.
Evn’s last blog post..Transamerican Idol
your blog makes almost pee my pants practically every time i read it. I MEAN THIS TOTALLY IN A GOOD WAY.
also? not going to lie, the bobcat decoration made me speechless, too. but the first thought that came to my head about it was, “oh, damn. i wish i had one, too.”
This post totally resonated with me because of two really odd and…wrong elements. Long ago, my friend Sondee and I used to go out to the grandmothers ranch in East Texas and collect cow skulls. I’m not sure why we found so many cow skulls on her grandmothers ranch. I’m guessing that grandma wasn’t much of a rancher. Anyway, we would spray paint the skulls gold, hang random decorations on their horns and give them as gifts. No one really got it but us.Not long after this, Sondee slept with my husband, so I pretty much stopped having anything to do with her. But about 2 years ago, Sondee and I reconnected because we were both completely obsessed with Battlestar Galactica. Did that guy ever tell you how many Cylons were on board? Eerie.
Gretchen’s last blog post..Camp Mama Week Two: Bookie Boy
that’s like when my dad drank an entire bottle of peach schnapps and puked on our christmas tree. you know, for christmas.
flutter’s last blog post..The sound of no silence
I resisted every urge to write the following. And I failed. Sorry.
Chewebacca died in the evacuation of a planet called Serpindal. He and Han Solo’s son were loading evacuees onto the Millenium Falcon, and it got to be too late to save anyone else, so Chewy gave up his spot on the Falcon’s last trip out to save one more person. Serpindal’s moon, altered from it’s natural orbit by the then-unknown Yuuzvan Vong invasion, crashed into the planet, destroying both. Chewebacca met the incoming moon/planet collision with a defiant roar, and was atomized upon impact. That, my friends, is hardcore. End geekmission.
Red Delicious’s last blog post..One Tug Means Pull Me Up, Two Tugs Means I’m Out of Air
My Christmas decorations suddenly became meaningless. It being June, I suppose that’s okay…
Miss Grace’s last blog post..Must Love Gingers
How very witchdoctor of him. That beats the breadmaker my dad gave me by a thousand miles. How did you get such a cool family? Sigh…sometimes I wonder what I did wrong in a past life.
melistress’s last blog post..I like your eyes….
I laughed extra hard at this post. A++, would read again. ?
Liv’s last blog post..the daily/weekly/whenever review: glee
“Involuntarily manslaughtered.” You’re awesome.
Love,
Bic
bic’s last blog post.."If You’re Not Sick We’re Not Doing Our Job"
I had to actually *think* about this comment because at first there were no words. But honestly…your dad giving you this gift, on the way to a funeral, “for christmas”, in June…now that i’ve read this I completely *get* you.
You just don’t see enough REAL bobcat tongue these days.
Also? I think you are a chip off the old block, and I mean that in the best possible way. HO HO HO!
MommyTime’s last blog post..Not Sorrow but Tribute
I am thinking the skull is a shrunken Wookie head and maybe your dad killed Chewie
William’s last blog post..Kid Libs
Now I know what to put on my Christmas List for this year. I won’t get it because people never get me the stuff I really want. Last year I wanted a fedora made of prosciutto, but all I got was a lot of useful crap like shirts and underwear and stuff. Christmas blows at my house.
IB’s last blog post..A friend has a need; let’s rally, people!
Well, today is father’s day…would it be completely inappropriate to regift both items to Victor? A couple of changes to the bobcat skull (maybe add a tie around the bear trap) and whoa…it has dad written all over it.
Fuck. I was going to send you a bobcat head too, but I sent those lame books instead. That’s OK, my in-laws in Tyler probably need a new one.
“My pomeranian was murdered by a car.”
Not true. After all, cars don’t murder pomeranians…Giant Squid-riding ninjas murder Pomeranians!
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..Jon & K8: 2 Little, 2 L8?
Why are the creepy dolls always in your pictures? Actually, if you could have placed one peeking over the edge of the box of books, that would have been awesome…
So, what are Victor’s plans for showing what a good Father he is on this lovely Father’s Day?
Does your Dad sell these? I really want one x
blueskies2day’s last blog post..A Haiku
“Oh, I know bobcats.” Hailey is awesome.
Kyla’s last blog post..Sick kids.
That is so awesome, and should be your totem animal because it is just like you: not afraid to look at anything, no matter now scary, celebrating life in all its complexity (the candy canes!) and also the confidence wig. I love it and now I love your dad too.
Just when I think I know all the ways the Bloggess can fuck with my head…bobcat happens. And a manslaughtered pomeranian. If you are looking for somewhere to unload those books, my 6th graders would totally dig them. Except I couldn’t really tell them where they came from because they don’t know bobcats like Hailey does, you know? I’m just sayin.’
Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..No More
I am profoundly disturbed by that object…PROFOUNDLY. Does your father walk among us? Are we safe?
If you hang that on your front door i will so steal it. i love it that much. not that i live in the same country or anything. I’m just sayin’…
And how pre-funeral appropriate is that of your dad? Cool.
Do you think Hailey might take after Grampa and become a taxidermist?! I’m reading the Soul’s Code right now, and it keeps referring to little *signs* showing up in our childhood referring to what our calling is in life. *Bobcat skull* Need I say more? Or I could be wrong. Maybe ask her! Lemme know. I’m interested now, yo.
Have a great day & LOVE your blog(s)!
Leel
leel’s last blog post..this post is not a post, or an update
This all explains so much…
My step-daughter would be all over the bobcat skull and I would reluctantly not arm wrestle her for it because as awesome as my hubby is – he wouldn’t be as thrilled with it and it would probably give the wee daughter nightmares. It’s very Nightmare Before Christmas which means its awesome. Halloween should be integrated into ALL the holidays because … just because, there really is no other reason.
annie’s last blog post..couple things got me thinking
So… yeah, I’ll take either gift off your hands…
Am I the only dork that didn’t know Chewie dies?
daniel’s last blog post..More Stuff About Bodily Fluids
Your entire life was explained in one post…
I hope your daughter can somehow skim the system, or marries well and gets the help she is bound to need later in life
that’s just messed up, in a very awesome way.
If I had a nickel for every creepy bobcat skull with pom pom hair and candy cane antlers that was given to me by a crazy relative on Christmas, I would never have any change on me and this article would not have been as funny.
HA Guy’s last blog post..First Dates, Friends With Bad Taste and Subsequent Apologies
I’m trying to decide which is the worse of the two. Both of them could induce nightmares. lol
Heather’s last blog post..Happy Father’s Day!
We have a cow skull and a squirrel skull and a deer skull and now I know what to do with them besides stick them in planters with a cactus. Thanks, Jenny’s dad!
Shander’s last blog post..Fear and Loathing in Libraries
Sorry about your dog and Chewbacca. I’d LOVE to come to your house and just look around. Really.
Jules’s last blog post..An Award with a Cuss Word!!!
Thanks for the laugh. I needed that today.
Jill’s last blog post..Happy Father’s Day
You need to market that last picture as a Christmas card. Also? Someone just blew something up in my neighborhood. Weird.
Rosie’s last blog post..The warmth of celebrity
Holy Christ, you Christmas Bobcat head may be the scariest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I think I may actually need to step away from the internet for a while to recuperate. I may never be the same again.
Jennifer’s last blog post..What Family Means to Me
that thing from your dad explains SO much.
Ericka’s last blog post..Happy Birthday, Tattoo!
That bobcat-deer thing is .. the coolest mussed up thing I have ever laid eyes on.
I kind of want one. And by “kind of” I mean that’s all I’m asking for, for christmas this year. 8D
That looks just like the bobcat skull that was stolen off of my front door last Xmas! Is this like being flamongoed but in reverse?
I think your Dad is awesome. I aspire to his level of awesomeness. I found a wallaby skull on our recent trip to Kangaroo Island and I think I will make something special for my son…
A Free Man’s last blog post..Song for my father
Everything about that bobcat screams “TREE TOPPER”!!!!!!!!!!
Amy B.’s last blog post..When Chaos is the New Normal
Your parents fucking rock. That’s all I have to say.
MonsteRawr’s last blog post..The Neapolitan Wars
Okay, I’ll admit it – I’m the biggest nerd ever and would have totally wept with joy to have received those books.
karmyn r’s last blog post..Mail Call Sunday Post #9
Chewbacca dies??! wtf.
Would your dad make one of those for me? I need something to liven up the neighborhood holiday decorations; too many Nativity scenes and lighted reindeer. Maybe I will put the bobcat skull IN someone’s Nativity scene manger.
Julie @ The Mom Slant’s last blog post..The Daddy Track
I think it kinda looks like the frontman for a deathmetal band, but thats just me, I see beauty in everything ya know
Becca’s last blog post..Samples keep filling up my mailbox because I’m addicted to signing up for free crap that I don’t really need
omg. this is quite possibly the funniest post ive ever read.
alissa’s last blog post..smash
The Spirit of Christmas moved through your father recently, in the beginning of Summer, and this is
the result . . . . . .??!??
How is the dude with lesser holidays, say President’s Day or Martin Luther King’s Holiday?
I am guessing that Valentine’s Day is where he really shines.. . . .. .. though I am wary of defining “shines.”
Wait ’til the people at Macy’s window design catch wind of this——they’ll be all over pop.
Great skull decoration. If he were to break other candy canes and then glue them on the two he has, he could even get more intricate antlers:
“Hyperbole is the essence of dead animal ornamentation.” (R.Buckminster Fuller)
Are those bobcat prosthetic teeth or do bobcats just have fantastic oral hygiene?
Fuck waiting for Christmas, just hang it up now!
Harna’s last blog post..Deep *SIGH*
I love you. thanks for making me laugh. :]
Re bobcat skull — mixed emotions because the bobcat is my high school mascot and I’m back living in my home town.
All your sites look fine in Firefox to me.
I would LOVE to see hidden camera videos of people’s reactions to your stuff when you have yardsales — unless, of course, you keep everything your dad gives you on account of the whole heirloom angle.
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Do you know what I want for Christmas? A Victor …
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Dudette — what’s he got for a Jew in Kentucky???
I think your dad needs to make these in miniature for keychains. He could just use little mouse skulls and smaller candy canes.
Also, Hailey is awesome.
hey jenny! could you possibly send/link me to a good image of the skull for square croppies? as soon as I laid eyes on it it hissed at me “I AM YOUR NEW TWITTER AVATARRRR” and, well… I don’t want to anger it.
I’ll trade you for my synthetic cheetah tongue and a glass eye of newt.
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WOLVERINES!!!
oh, sorry I meant…
BOBCATS!!!
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That will make an excellent Halloween decoration. Maybe if you rig the authentic bobcat tongue to unfurl and offer halloween candy to all the little trick or treaters and then you can laugh your ass-off when then fall all over themselves trying to GET THE FUCK AWAY from the crazy house.
Otherwise, that thing is just the most freakish item I’ve seen in quite some time.
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I laughed so hard when I read this I seriously almost threw up all over my computer. AND my daughter (age 3) saw the picture was excited about the bobcat. What the fuck is wrong with kids these days?!
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Okay, I am so glad I work in a separate office from everyone else, because I was laughing so hard I started snorting. That is amazing!!!
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Actually I think your father is very thoughtful to get/make you a Christmas decoration so far in advance. That way you have around 5 months to figure out the *perfect* place to display it. I love thoughtful dads.
“Bells on bobcats ring”…pretty sure that’s in one of those Christmas songs.
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Your Dad is cool for getting you that gift, very thoughtful. Our son and one of our daughter’s would appreciate a gift like that from me.
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Do you think the bobcat was involuntarily manslaughtered?
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I own all those books. The Timothy Zahn ones are the best.
Hello, Bobcat.
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You know what that needs?
More cowbell.
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OHHHHH MYYYY GODDDD I’M CHOKING FROM LAUGHING SO MUCH! ALL CAPS ARE ENTIRELY NECESSARY!
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Yeah, I’ve had a few pets that were “involuntary manslaughtered” by cars. I’m still calling it MURDER!
I love that he specifies that it’s REAL bobcat tongue. Maybe I’m entirely too back-woods, but I do know that you can buy faux animal tongue, LOL… And have the nice people make it into whatever shape you want in your dead animal head.
Jenny, should you ever need additional Christmas decoration ideas…. My grandmother makes little crocheted circles in red to put on the stuffed deer heads at their house. So it kinda looks like 15 Rudolphs are stuffed and on the walls during the holidays.
It would totally go with your Taxidermy-Filled-Christmas theme…
I totally wasn’t planning on commenting since you already have 131 comments but then I read post. Brilliant shit. Seriously. I could probably be convicted of involuntary manslaughter of a cat because of that one time i ran the little fucker over.
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I can’t stop laughing at the bobcat.
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This is the best post EVER. I giggled constantly through it and forgot to breathe and ended up lightheaded and my children kept asking me what was wrong and I couldn’t explain it to them without sounding like an idiot. If you don’t want the bobcat, I’ll take it!
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I ……….. ………….. CANT ………………………. STOP ……………………………… LAUGHING.
that is to funny , your family would get along great with my twisted family.
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That is the most fucked up thing to be reading before bedtime.
Yes, I’m going to bed at 9:45.
You have a real bobcat tongue, don’t judge.
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coincidentally, my dog makes wookie noises. i love him. but not the bobcat skull, that’s really gross.
K so I was reading this in a room with the rest of my family and I started laughing and then I kind of stopped breathing for a while and they just looked at me like “What is HER problem” rather than actually worrying about me (whatever, breathing is for the weak). Anyways, I tried to explain but it just kind of came out as “Oh… my god… *laughter*… there’s… there’s a bobcat… with candy canes… and a tongue… and her kid… KNOWS bobcats… oh my god.”
So now thanks to you my family thinks I’m deranged and might lock me up. Thanks.
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This is the best thing I’ve seen in weeks (and I’m terribly sorry about your aunt). I’m definitely adding you to my google reader!
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I’m going to ignore the spoiler b/c seriously? Chewbacca dies? About 25 years ago, I would have cried, now it just seems, well – of course he did.
As for the bobcat – have to confess – missed the ‘that’s a real bobcat tongue’ portion of the program b/c, I couldn’t get over the tinsel hair. And, I may or may not be slightly disturbed that your 4 year old recognized it incognito for heaven’s sake.
glad the novel doctor sent me here. I don’t generally laugh on Tuesdays. It’s this sorta quasi-religious fast I have that is more born out of a boring life than anything. Today I broke the fast. Must be Mardi Gras. Thanks for the laughs.
Dear God, I’ve only known you for 2 days and I think I’m in love with you.
Dear God, woman. I’ve only known you 2 days and I’m in love with you.
I think your family may be slightly more insane than mine, which should scare you.
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I will die saying that this is the best blog post of all time, ever – amen.
I find this doubly amusing because even though I’m no Star Wars fanatic, I have also wondered idly what Chewbacca was thinking at various points. My wife absolutely hates the sight or thought of him (that noise is thus made even more tempting to do whenever I yawn), so I spend more time thinking of Wookiees than I otherwise would.
And that bobcat skull is the kind of thing poor people would be more likely than others to decorate with, after they got done eating the bobcat roadkill. They’d probably have sticks for antlers, though, because what kind of horrible poor people would they be if they used perfectly good foodstuffs as decorations?
On an unnecessary side note that ties this all together, I’m pretty sure a Wookiee would eat that, whether poor or not.
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So officially, what kind of drugs are you smoking? Are you smokin’ the AIDs drug?
I want a bobcat like that! With the tongue and all! TOO FUNNY! You couldn’t make up better stuff Jenny!
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I have no words, but I couldn’t just leave this post without leaving a comment.
Melinda
*laughing too hard to speak*
hysterical.
i once randomly received a case of pepsi (and i’m a coke girl) in the mail and a note attached said, “you’re one in million,” their marketing thing back then… one in a million who drink pepsi. which i thought was really funny, given that i don’t drink pepsi.
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I hope you are happy- you are now soley responsbile for us getting kicked out of the public library. And that’s saying a lot because they let the homeless in here and I think I saw one of them peeing in the corner.
My kid had a take a break from his research to see why his mom was rolling on the floor laughing so fucking hard and then he saw the picture and now we are banned for life.
Thanks Blogggess-THANKS.
P.S. I want one!
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Acorn…tree. Just sayin’. And it’s sort of awesome.
I was just going to write “I love your bobcat”, but then I thought it maybe sounded dirty, but then I thought “Dirty’s good.”
I love your bobcat.
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OMG That’s creepy man! xD Can I have one!?
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Why not trying writing in English instead of Valley Girl, you fucking dumb Ameritard.
i think you’re missing the point, you fucking dumb Ameritard.
Fuck you, moron!
OK, my gameplan – to read the last four posts that I had missed, starting with this one.
The reality – I laughed so hard, I cried – CRIED! Like REAL TEARS! – about that xmas bobcat. In part, because it reminds me of something my dad would do, sans the dead thing. Unfortunately, my husband started worrying that all the laughing would make me go into labor. Cause I’m eight months pregnant. And he’s a Nervous Nelly. So I got to finish reading this one, at least, but I’m not allowed to read anymore. Although it would be interesting to see if you could laugh me into making my water break cause that would be, like, the BEST bloggy award EVER! But let’s wait till I’m in my ninth month. Alright, be back tomorrow. After hubby leaves for work! I’ll keep 911 on speed dial, just in case…
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I’ve been having an “episode” lately and while I’m on hold with my shrink, I cruise around your blog for a bit, get to this post and laugh until I weep, which made the receptionist at the therapists office question whether my self-diagnosed “Depression” is accurate.
When I told my Star Wars nerd of a friend about this post he looked at me like I stabbed Jesus. All he had to say was, “She’s dumb. Chewbacca got hit by a planet.”
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