Squirrels love sperm, hate America:
I posted this on twitter and got only two responses (one of which was simply ”Huh?”) so I thought I’d post it over here to increase the number of people who think I’m not funny.
Comment of the day: “Huh? ” ~ Jane
UPDATED: Apparently the squirrels are working for Obama in order to destroy all the old American flags to make way for the new ones. Awesome.
{ 81 comments… read them below or add one }
Huh?
Jane’s last blog post..All the flip-flops in all the world
I’ve heard that you have to touch the ground if a squirrel burns the flag.
Or something like that.
Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.
Prior to this post: thought you were fucking hysterical.
Post-post: still think it.
Ur plan. Iz not werkin.
WaltzInExile’s last blog post..Pass/Fail
Oh, those squirrels, you really want to watch them. They gather in special squirrel bars in the forests to decide whose handbag to snatch next. And they ride mobylettes (which is the French for small girly scooters).
My French man has been telling me to watch out for them for fifteen years. It does not surprise me at all to hear they are burning your flag now. They are insatiable.
Jaywalker’s last blog post..Welcome to my beautiful home where moths flit gaily through the dirty socks
Perhaps they’re recreating the flag in their little sperm den.
“and I promise if you elect me, there will be nuts for all the squirrels AND the chipmunks!”
derfina’s last blog post..Pieces of me: Redux
How many are you up to?
:}
Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Simple
What’s with the full frontal nudity?
Marinka’s last blog post..Super Secret Topics That I Will Never Blog About, Ever
Sorta makes those seven or eight Marines at Iwo Jima look like pussies.
Hello again.
I hear the French are eating squirrel in all their fine restaurants.
Looks like a pole dance to me.
Wanda’s last blog post..The View…
It’s not just the French, Wanda.
My little boy is two and calls them “squirds”
Cracks me up every time!
The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know’s last blog post..hope, estelle…
Squirrels taste like chicken.
Just sayin.
Makes absolute perfect sense to me.
tattooedminivanmom’s last blog post..That Sh!t Kicked My Ass
so, I saw this on twitter and clicked on the link and saw the squirrel and thought, “huh?”.
kristin’s last blog post..Sorry.
hiks… and i am not even worth mentioning.
i feel neglected.
hiks… mellow now.
treespotter’s last blog post..on Windmills of Your Mind
what a cute, patriotic little sweetie! where’d i leave my gun…
Ecureil we call it. (Eck ooh roy, prononciation fiends). Delicieux. Watch out for your handbag though.
Jaywalker’s last blog post..Welcome to my beautiful home where moths flit gaily through the dirty socks
Just like a typical jingoistic squirrel. Always wrapping himself in the flag when he’s really going for your nuts.
If it’s any consolation, when I saw you post this on twitter I said, “Heh.”
Also, maybe if we bring Sarah Palin back, she can find where the real ground squirrels live, not all these anti-American spermophile asshole ones.
Kim’s last blog post…Women Rule (in New Hampshire)
HUH?
Just Kidding!
I think you’re funny! And that damn squirrel is Hi-larious.
I like the way his eyes follow you WHEREVER YOU GO.
sweatpantsmom’s last blog post..I Was Wrong About The Election
But I love that you constantly dumbfound me. Seriously, dude.
Naomi’s last blog post..Who’s Your Daddy?
I heard 62.7% of squirrels voted for Barack Obama.
blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..This Post Sucks. Unless You Like Grey’s Anatomy. If You Like Grey’s Anatomy, Then You Should Like This Post. Or, Maybe Not. It Really All Depends.
glad this is not a real post.
i used to eat these critters, until i realized they’re an intro drug or sorts, leading to an insatiable appetite for chipmunks, mice, and then rats.
muskrat’s last blog post..on elimination
I never trusted squirrels. They have beady eyes.
Neil’s last blog post..It’s Coming…
Typical Nebraskan–they’re so Un-American.
gingela5′s last blog post..Mr. Sandman Please Just Knock Me Out…
Squirrels definitely don’t have bodypillows.
PAPA’s last blog post..Pillow rhymes with Just Chill, Yo!
They totally rigged the voting too. I think I saw the same squirrel twice at the voting station.
Jim’s last blog post..The Smackdown (+ an award)
When I read the caption I thought I saw “Obama, Neb.” which triggered the conspiracy theory lobe in my brain–a whole city is sucking up to him already? What are they up to??
I now see my error, but keep your eye on Nebraska, because sometimes my conspiracy theories are psychic.
Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..Somebody wins, somebody loses
You are clearly racist against squirrels. I don’t know what your beef is but I’ve known some very nice squirrels and I can personally vouch that they’re not all terrorists.
Just last week I was trapped in a dungeon while my stepmother and two stepsisters went to a ball, and if it wasn’t for my little squirrel friends who helped break me out and also sewed a lovely ball gown for me, who knows where I’d be right now.
It’s just not right. I think you owe them a big apology.
bejewell’s last blog post..Black Hockey Jesus Made Me Sign the Bloggess Up for the Gary Busey Fan Club, Part Two
It was the Omaha anti-American squirrels that were responsible for this: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/11/07/make_that_365_obama_on_track_t.html?hpid=topnews
I KNEW it! The squirrels are not only trying to take over my yard, make my dog crazier then she is, and drive me insane, but they are in cahoots to take over the country. I knew it…
kd@abitsquirrelly’s last blog post..I almost forgot my head, but luckily it’s attached.
No way, dude. Squirrels totally love America: http://www.sugarbushsquirrel.com/642343.html
(Be entertained, or horrified. Or both!)
who knew the dyslexic, satanic squirrels were unpatriotic, too? me, that’s who!
plus absolutely no one here will ever possibly get that joke.
kerry’s last blog post..no real reason…
Sweet Sparkly Jesus, people. It’s like this: every time an American flag touches the ground, a squirrel gets its wings.
jane’s last blog post..Milestone
I think it’s really Sarah Palin in one of her new suits.
Vodkamom’s last blog post..Powerful Words
I wish these squirrels were in my neighborhood. The ones we have here just eat the pumpkins that are still out from Halloween. Hungry bastards.
I had to follow the bread crumbs and then I had to look it up.
Definitions of spermophile on the Web:
* ground squirrel: any of various terrestrial burrowing rodents of Old and New Worlds; often destroy crops
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Mike Goad’s last blog post..“That Obama scares me.”
I didn’t get it because I thought that squirrel was posting the flag outside his house because he was so proud of the American humans…
my cat was raised on squirrel. and grackles and small, slow moving college freshmen.
always buddy’s last blog post..Bleurgh
who doesn’t love sperm.
farted
furiousball’s last blog post..Eye of the Tiger in handfarts.
Before everyone gets too carried away badmouthing squirrels here, you have to realize that if you Photoshopped a fat teardrop on the squirrel’s cheek, this picture would undoubtedly begin to appear on mudflaps across the deep South and Appalachia.
LiteralDan’s last blog post..Copout: America’s Worst-Named Cities
Anti-American spermophiles, that means that California Prop-8 thing was against them too huh? Dammit! I just had wedding ceremonies for all my squirrels!
When I was in college in St. Paul, Minn., there was a black squirrel who lived on campus. He was the only black squirrel I’d ever seen, but evidently they are more common down south. He was the talk of campus in those days.
Somehow that random story seemed relevant to this post.
Raging Dad’s last blog post..P is for Porkins
Well, I DO think you’re funny, but obviously just too intelligent for me to follow on this particular joke…
Feel better?
tracey’s last blog post..If you could detach it, what, exactly, would you do with it?
i used to work at the fendi boutique and one season we had some purses that were made of some kind of russian squirrel. but, since no one in texas likes those little fuckers we lied and said it was sable. because no one knows the difference and texans won’t pay four grand for squirrel.
http://scitech.blogs.cnn.com/2008/11/07/one-campuss-solution-for-squirrels-gone-wild/
always, buddy’s last blog post..Bleurgh
Can’t trust a spermophile.
Kyla’s last blog post..More of the same…
It’s time to let go of the squirrel thing. Seriously, let go and step away. Far away.
Annie’s last blog post..Running in Place
Oh Jenny… lol
veep veep’s last blog post..Unwelcome Visitor
Does this mean our new President likes sperm? We have something in common.
Georgette’s last blog post..Snap back to reality.
Maybe it’s the two sips I’ve had of my awesome cosmo speaking, but I’m a little weirded out that I SAW THE OSCAR MEYER WEINERMOBILE today. Too random a coincidence, I tell you what.
Fucking squirrels.
mrtl’s last blog post..Filler
Here in Tennessee, Squirrel hunting season opened August 23rd 2008 and continues through February 28 2009. Maybe Mr. Squirrel is thumbing his nose at it? Maybe celebrating prematurely his survival?
TennLady’s last blog post..On the Prowl
I know what to get you for Christmas:
http://craftastrophe.net/2008/11/nothing-says-i-love-you-like-dead-tree-rat/
Suebob’s last blog post..Helpless
hmmmm. perhaps you should seek some treatment for the new found squirrel obsession.
amyz5′s last blog post..So You Want to be in the Secret Service?
you didn’t know that the American flag increases the potency of sperm? seriously though, you should know that by now
OMFG I live in Omaha and I think that squirrel is from our neighborhood (bastard). My thoughts and prayers will only go out for him if he is a vereran of the pestside wars.
the comment of the day made me laugh as hard as the squirrel
flutter’s last blog post..The least sexy post about sex, ever.
Patriotism is the last refuge of a squoundrel.
phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..prickly pear picking, part II
omfg, i just read my last commment (drunk) so I didn’t realize (spell check please) that the squirrel in question wasn’t black. didn’t notice it when i voted for the president either. Obama was the clear choice (pun intended)!!!!!
Thought provoking. The symbolism of the squirrel’s position on American Patriotism and Squirrel rights is deep and meaningful. Although when I showed the post to my loving appendage the response I got was WTF?
Jenn’s last blog post..The Sky Is Falling
Don’t mess with the squirrels.
http://www.forwardeverforward.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/jedi_squirrel.jpg
Musing’s last blog post..500th Blogtation and It seems PMS is good for something!
How come it’s not a black squirrel?!
Are you racist, Jenny?!
Rhea’s last blog post..Enriched and Enchanted
That looks like one of those aggressive squirrels from the UH Main campus!
Shoegirl1970′s last blog post..The Latest & Weird Stuff I Notice
Rhea, we hardly have any black squirrels in Houston. I’ve only seen black squirrels in NYC. What’s up with that?
Shoegirl1970′s last blog post..The Latest & Weird Stuff I Notice
The magic of Obama has changed the mindset of even the most disgusting of earth’s critters. Don’t be surprised when you start shitting sparkles. Yes we can. Yes we can…
JFletch’s last blog post..I’m F*cking Sarah Palin
Don’t even get me started on the motherfuckin’ squirrels, those cross-dressing furry freaks.
katie ~ motherbumper’s last blog post..gigli
i saw an odd reddish longer haired squirrel on campus last week. very weird. never seen one like that.
on a totally different point, no 11 year old should have to face this. very poignant http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/11/09/jaffey.wa.last.wish.komo
always, buddy’s last blog post..the draw today
my server at work blocked the link to “the new one”, so i can only assume is was funny.
isnt there some sort of perfect medium between illegal to view at work – and squirrel holding a flag?
thx
katie’s last blog post..twenty months
If squirrels love sperm, where the hell are they getting it from? Unless they stick to their own. Or some guys get their rocks off to squirrels.
Which is a strange thought.
Chris Wood’s last blog post..100 Ways To Get Your Cock Sucked At Work While Reading Blogs
God bless squirrel America.
goodfather’s last blog post..Deadline
Tacy, reading over my shoulder: Is that real? Tell me that’s true.
mothergoosemouse’s last blog post..The irreplaceable, inimitable mother
He looks to me like a member of a tiny rodent colorguard, in mid twirl. I can just see him sashaying across a football field. But he needs a spandex bodysuit. Oh if only I had photoshop here at work…
Foxy’s last blog post..Tofurkey and my Imaginary Friend
Is it me, or have you become the laziest blogger in America? Resting on your laurels, huh? Can a blogger collect welfare? Pretty soon it will be just photos with no caption and you’ll be expecting us to just continue commenting away. I guess it’s working. I feel used and I like it.
My husband had his pre-vasectomy tee that he now wears as a warning to other men, the Threadless Protect Your Nuts squirrel shirt.
http://toddlywinks.blogspot.com/2008/10/answer.html
amanda’s last blog post..Pfft, maybe a post a month
I just thought you should be warned. Definitely not safe for work.
Cherry’s last blog post..The Plague
I took a squirrel to all 50 states once. Until someone proves me otherwise i’m claiming him to be the first squirrel to travel to all 50 states.
Rice the Squirrel
This is the best picture in the history of the AP photo wire.
The squee factor, she is high.
Jennifer’s last blog post..The Hunnerd
OMG How did I miss this? And squirrels are living bacteria anyway.
Mona N.’s last blog post..Statute of Limitations, Macaroni, Twitter, and My Disclaimer
Just the mention of squirrels makes me violent. I have flashbacks of when I was living with my parents and those f#!-*!s stormed the attic like it was the beaches of Normandy. We did battle all winter long. No matter how many I shot, they STILL seemed to multiply like roaches.
Article Writer’s last blog post..It’s NaNoWriMo Time Again!
I freaking love this picture!! I copied this onto my desktop wallpaper picture and I agree, squirrels are destroying America.