My cat has a bad-ass paw claw.
Comment of the day: Whoever played that cat in that video did not do a very convincing job. I knew the cat was fake. ~Neil
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This month’s book club picks are fire. For @fantasticstrangelings we have Lucky Red by @claudia.cravens and for @nightmaresfromnowhere we’re sending you Dead Eleven by @jimmyjulianobooks
Advice from Dorothy Barker: Go outside and find the sunset. Touch the grass. Bark at squirrels. Pee aggressively while staring at the neighbors. Eat a bug. The usual.
Instagram makes suggested reels based on old content and I assume most people have beautiful vacation photos or wedding compilations, but this is what they suggested for me.
Sitting in ihop after graduation and “who’s gonna drive you home” comes over the sound system and now I’m lightly weeping into my pancakes but I’M FINE.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
Yer a nutbar. I like that in a person.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Remorseful Perverse Parenting
You are stooping to new lows in an effort to gain readers {don’t you already have all the readers in the blog-o-sphere??}. Love it.
allison’s last blog post..shade clothing.
Wow! There’s no way my dog would do that for me! You are so lucky!!
Traceytreasure’s last blog post..Got Coffee?
You are like totally famous and stuff.
Jeff’s last blog post..Why I Should Still Be in Middle School
This took me far too long to figure out.
I need a drink.
Victoria’s last blog post..Ahh Hah Hah Hah Hah!
I’m such a simpleton. Thoughts that immediately ran through my head – “She let them put THAT picture up.” “Wha…? Her cat did wha….?”
I’ll take that ocean front property now.
Alice’s last blog post..Ghoulies and Ghosties and Long-Leggedy Beasties
That’s okay, Alice. Someone sent it to me and for a minute I thought it was real too.
Bwahahahahafwordingha…
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..Hell’s Kitchen: School days, school daze
Your cat fucking rules.
flutter’s last blog post..Body betrayal- the dirty little corner of my mind
Awww your nice pussy saved you! Werd.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..This Post Is Disgusting. You’ve Been Warned.
My husband is disturbed by how funny I thought this was…
HRH’s last blog post..Trials of motherhood…
Dear Jenny,
I hope you’re not drinking swill like Mike’s Hard Fill-in-the-blank. But good exploitative use of resources.
PS: I found the most awesome photo of me talking to your hair at the Caroline Collective party: http://www.flickr.com/photos/83887317@N00/2570449762/
(at least my bling looks nice)
Jessica’s last blog post..The latest adventures of Snaptacular Photos
Ugh. Someone should talk to my hair. It’s been insufferable lately. I prefer this photo of me drunk at 7pm.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/83887317@N00/2569614591/?addedcomment=1#comment72157605579841622
Awesome.
Awe. Constantly increasing awe.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
todd’s last blog post..CARNIVAL UPDATE
You are a magical sorceress. Your cat’s not bad, either.
Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..storms and sunsets
Big deal. My cat is a neurosurgeon.
Mary’s last blog post..Old Enough to Wear Purple
Opposable thumbs are for losers.
janet’s last blog post..I Saw the Strangest Thing
Jesus. I was worried. Glad you’re “feline fine” now.
mayberry’s last blog post..Aww, baby’s first pun!
You are hilarious. It took me about 3 seconds to realize this was not for real. Doesn’t sound that long, but honestly I still felt like a dolt.
texantiff’s last blog post..Garden Tiff
You know your cat has herpes, right? Makes that whole mouth-to-mouth thing a little awkward.
Heather’s last blog post..All My Beeyotches
I hate cats.
Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Revenge
Lulz!
anne nahm’s last blog post..I Put on My Wizard Hat and Pig Kicker…
Wow, coincidentally, I was on that same news channel…..Oddly enough I was stuck on a carnival ride that wouldn’t stop for 48 hours. I’m still not over the dizziness.
Greisie’s last blog post..Doggie Update and my vacation countdown…
For a second I was trying to figure out if Houston got a new news channel. Shows you what a gullible prick I am.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..HF: My Little Ambassador
That’s hysterical.
Walking With Scissors’s last blog post..This Is My Brain On No Sleep
Bubba the shaved half-paralyzed tub cat would be so proud.
Damselfly’s last blog post..A perfect read
Hilarious. Glad to know you’re feline fine!
I may have just peed myself but I will never admit it.
motherbumper’s last blog post..Contests are always fun
Your cat is my hero.
That video might possibly have been funnier if they replaced the word cat with pussy. But even so, it is hilarious.
Kyla’s last blog post..This is Peanut Butter.
Now would be a good time to have sound on my laptop.
The Introvert’s last blog post..shock and awe
my cat can walk thru walls and will crap on the beds of people you dislike without even you having to tell him. he just KNOWS.
and totally off point:
bunpersticker of the day:
“my other ride is a cowboy.”
always, buddy’s last blog post..why we try not to miss our medications
didn’t your mother warn you about walking around all day in CURLERS? now look, it happened. caught in an ambulance with CURLERS! I hope at least you had on clean underpants.
Kimberlee’s last blog post..courage. adventure. endurance.
If you had gotten him started earlier with “Hooked on Phonics” he could have articulated his distress into the phone better. Or better yet, a damned license so he could drive you to the ER, rather than wait for the ambulance. I guess he deserves praise for what he did. He’s probably wanting a parade and if he doesn’t get one, I’m sure he’ll show his displeasure by crapping in your shoe.
apathy lounge’s last blog post..And So The Slander Begins!
Oh god, even pets need to know CPR these days.
😉
Lady M’s last blog post..Inordinately Proud
That is awesome.
(No one better tell my sister about this. I am so going to freak her out when I make one for her.)
Jennifer H’s last blog post..The one where Mr. H steps in something
Whoever played that cat in that video did not do a very convincing job. I knew the cat was fake.
Neil’s last blog post..Case: Clothes
am I the only tragic one who thought it could be real? (also, do not give the cat the number for the fashion police…black does NOT go with everything) 😛
Aimee’s last blog post..The Minnie Chronicles
All my cat does is pee on EVERYTHING.
I really don’t think she would save my life even if she could.
And you are a very, very strange person. But hysterically funny because of that!
Kylie’s last blog post..I think it’s called Hyperactivity disorder…
I
Can’t
Breathe.
The
Laughing…
Damn. Now I need a cat.
Headless Mom’s last blog post..The Kindergarten Question- Part 5 (or 5 Questions About Readiness)
How sad is it that it took me almost the whole segment to realize it was fake. Cool!
katrin’s last blog post..Up and Running
Mine would be a completely different story. The cat would be all ‘die bitch’ and call all its friends around to watch my death throes and feast on my pancreas with a nice Chianti.
And that is why I hate cats.
Kelley’s last blog post..So what is His url?
Someone told me that if you die your cat would start eating you within minutes. I’m not sure if that’s true or not but she said it with conviction.
You’re the one that’s fucking awesome. Shit, I am totally turning into a spineless groupie.
amanda’s last blog post..Pygmy windows and pudgy tummies
That was one of the most f’ing funny things I have seen in ages. Totally. Thank you for saving my husbands life…I dropped the pillow to watch that news clip.
you know you have violated the 5th principle of LAITGOED (Living As In The Glory Of Evan Dando)…
thou shalt not snort coke off of mirror’s with faces on them (not including your own, which you usually see right before you snort… it’s a mirror)
wait, not that one… maybe it was the 7th one…
furiousball’s last blog post..name withheld to protect the ferret
Hmmmmm. I guess paws are in the ether today:
http://meandyouandellie.blogspot.com/2008/06/shabby-chic.html
Ellie’s last blog post..Shabby Chic
My favorite part was the transcript of the cat meowing. Is that a real job? Cause I could totatlly do that for a living.
Jenn’s last blog post..It’ll Be Our Little Secret
The best ever! You’re a riot–I love it.
Christy’s last blog post..Why My House Is Always A Mess (Reason #2)
i so want to be like you when i grow up….although i think i’m older so i’m not sure how that works…..so what the heck is this caroline collective (now i’m going to spend another hour googling it)…..i so need to get off the computer and start contributing….i so said so way too much in this comment…..so anyway…..
The Caroline Collective is like a kick-ass cult. You should join. Instead of kool-aid we drink booze and sometimes actual work gets done. I’ve heard. I don’t know. I just go to the booze functions.
Scientists should totally clone your pussy. You know. Because we need more Bloggess pussies in the world.
Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Harry Potter Prequel
what does so mean anyway? i think it means “like way a lot”
OMG, that is so awesome!! I love the 911 call recording the best.
I second Becky Mochaface’s cloning idea. Bloggess pussies for everyone.
Robin’s last blog post..How to not get a discount on your insurance
you are freaking hilarious. thanks for starting out my day with a laugh!!
shell’s last blog post..manners.
Is that like a line from The Jungle Book? In the part where Baloo sings his song? I swear it is. . . something about a pawclaw.
Captain Steve’s last blog post..Flood of 08!
Holy fucking hell! My cat won’t even shit in the box half of the time and yours can claw out your cell phone! Glad you’re feline fine.
How Gullible I Am: I thought this was real ’til I looked up at the url for the “news site.” That took just about until they showed the cat sitting in the window. Yeah. I’m smrt.
ali’s last blog post..Thongs: Why?
Priceless!
My damn cats only use the phone to order pizza and invite their friends over for parties when I’m not there.
What a great concept, creating victim videos!
we_be_toys’s last blog post..Birthday Bash
I just tried it out, there are two “man” videos and only one “woman”. That blows.
You are fucking awesome.
~JJ!’s last blog post..Haiku Strength
It’s the new rick roll.
Greta’s last blog post..Friday the Thirteenth
You’re so lucky to have a cat that cares.
If that were me, my dog would just stand over my twitching body and say,”can do you me a favor and feed me one last time before you kick it??
Condo Blues’s last blog post..Six Strange Things You Can and Cannot Compost
I’m hanging my head in shame for actually thinking this was legit for a few seconds. And my head is bobbing up and down as my shoulders shake with laughter.
That was great!
Nosaby’s last blog post..Fish Tacos with Chipotle Cream
hahahahahahahahaha
Karmyn R’s last blog post..No wonder he screamed for the first 10 minutes of life.
How sad is it that I didn’t realize this was a gag until it was halfway over?
“When did Houston get a Channel 19? WHERE IS BILL BALLEZA?!”
Jennifer’s last blog post..Mood? Lifting.
Hey, we have the same anchorman!!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..She’ll Be Back In A Few Days
I’m laughing so hard I got the hiccups. Thanks for that.
Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..Peonies
Fuckin’ street sweeper got me again:
http://www.mikeshard.com/weekend/newsStory.php?id=NDE2NQ==
Spamboy’s last blog post..Oh, and One More Thing…
I would have gone to sex and the city with you.
And I would have made out with you too.
But I’d like you to leave your astronaut dildo at home.
Kathy’s last blog post..My Dad
This was awesome. You are funny. Get squeezin’ that book out.
Amy’s last blog post..Ciao Bella
Aw, I love you for cursing while pregnant.
I was pregnant in a business meeting and said “Look, I’m not blowing smoke up your ass.”
That went over well.
Mom101’s last blog post..Misunderstood
That has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. She’s said to be “feline fine” Bwah ha ha…
You’re weird…and I’m TOTALLY doing that.
And, the fact that the website is “Mike’s Hard” is even better.
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Myself Say
THAT was awesome.
Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..Eventful Day
My husband totally copied you…like a month later: My Fifteen Minutes… So Sad.
He did use a totally awesome photo though.
Jessica’s last blog post..My Fifteen Minutes… So Sad.
=] my cat is awesome too!!!
So it’s late here and I’m trying to be all concerned about other people’s need for quiet while sleeping. I opened the video on silent first more out of curiousity about the paw than anything. And promptly snorted coke out of my nose when your pic popped up next to the silently chatty newsanchor. Awesome.
Please Note: “Snorted coke out of my nose” = the soda, not the powder. We call it coke down here in the south. Like band-aids and kleenex.
I swear.
Saskia’s last blog post..Shoe Size/Penis Size Theory. Denied.
You will understand because you have the crazy too, but my OCD dictates that I start everything from the absolute beginning. This link no longer works, and my curiosity is driving me insane…
I so love your blog by the way! You have these things in your head that you can just put on to the computer and it makes people happy…. You rock 😀
but seriously… What can I google to see this???
So Blaze, That’s just OCD that we both have? Cause I thought it was from all the times my mom dropped me on my head when I was little…..dang, you and me, we ‘re like simpatico…..and without the post we so desperately need to fulfill our mission here on earth. I’ll be more lost than I already am. I NEED that cat post now people!!!
Ok Blaze H and Gigi, OCD engaged.
Link is: http://www.mikeshard.com/weekend/newsStory.php?id=MjI5OA==
However, page fails to open.
I tried http://www.mikeshard.com/weekend/newsStory.php in a Google search with no real luck.
So, I tried http://www.mikeshard.com and got a page wanting you to enter proof of age.
I did that but now it says ‘failed to open page’ and that the server where the page is located is not responding.
Can’t find a damn reference for it on YouTube either…
Dearest Bloggess, puh-lease help us!
We of the OCD scourge will not be able to sleep without completing our mission to read all previous blog posts, associated comments and various links.
You will be responsible for the zombie plague.