I kind of wrote about this on twitter already so technically this is a re-run but you probably still need a refresher

Remember when I wrote about how hysterical it was that ziploc was marketing Scooby-Doo “Funbags and then like half of you were all “What are funbags?” and I had to explain that funbags = boobies?  That’s pretty much exactly what happened when I put a link to this video on twitter:

Then like 28 people emailed me and were all “What’s fisting?”   So then I was all “Honestly people, buy a dictionary” but then I looked it up in my dictionary AND IT WASN’T EVEN IN THERE.  But my dictionary was published in 1988 so I can only assume people didn’t fist before then.  So instead I linked to the urban dictionary so that people who aren’t as well-informed as me about fisting would know why the Fox interview made me fall out of my chair:

Even more awesome, the Urban Dictionary randomly rotates t-shirt ads next to all of their definitions.  This was yesterdays ad:

Awesome.

PS.  In case you’re still confused, I’m pretty sure the “Love Doctor” being interview was referring to how Barack and Michelle Fist-BUMP in public.

Also, I’m pretty sure the “Love Doctor” is a total fraud because what kind of Love Doctor doesn’t know about fisting?  Shenanigans!

Comment of the day: My grandmother broke her wrist about three weeks ago. When I took her to her bone doctor to get x-rays and stuff done on Wednesday, he told her to practice fisting before her next appointment. Yes, he meant putting her fingers into a fist to build strength back up in them, but he kept saying fisting. It took everything in me to not either laugh or kill him for talking like that to my grandmother. ~ Justin

163 thoughts on “I kind of wrote about this on twitter already so technically this is a re-run but you probably still need a refresher

Read comments below or add one.

  1. If you don’t know about fisting, you really haven’t lived.

    Also – I was laughing just last night about those GIANT ziploc bags. They show some poor kid toting one of those to school filled with crap. Can you imagine the amount of ridicule she’ll be subjected to?

    Lotta’s last blog post..Character, Culture, Citizenship Guides

  2. I dunno. It’s probably valid that the Love Doctor doesn’t know about fisting because anything that requires “huge amounts of lubricant” isn’t necessarily an act of love. Now if she were calling herself the Painful Sexual Practices Doctor? Totally different story.

    janet’s last blog post..Hips Don’t Lie

  3. ROFL omg what a fantastic start to the day. Let’s query who knows what felching is and see what else happens =P

    hmog’s last blog post..

  4. Great. Thank you for removing my hope for change. Now, I will not be able to look at our new President without seeing him and his wife fisting. What were you saying, Mr. President? I couldn’t pay attention, because you seem like very skinny people with kind of large hands. Never mind the bombing in Gaza, what kind of lubricant are you using?

  5. Wow, I’m still surprised that people didn’t know what fisting was. I’m mean, really, we’re in 2009 people! LOL

    Thanks for the laughs Jenny, as usual.

    Greis’s last blog post..2 weeks down…

  6. Ouch! I know babies come outta vaggies, so it’s meant to be all stretchy and shit, and I assume the person’s fist isn’t really balled up like they’re about to box, but it’s probably more like getting the whole hand scrunched in there with the fingers close together in a tight salute, but the anal cavity is tight as hell, so how in the hell do you get a flippin’ hand in there? You wouldn’t shit right or sit right for a month!

    (Was that too much?) 😉

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Work It Girl!

  7. Kind of reminds me of when I was trying to name my blog and I was all “Hey, I’ll call it Extra Gravy” because what is better than extra gravy? I love gravy, and extra gravy would be awesome, but then my friend said, “Look it up in the urban dictionary.” And then I had to go throw up.

  8. Hey…Glamorous Life…you’re a “faithful reader” and you found THIS offensive? bahahahaha.

  9. oops sorry..I misquoted. “Loyal reader”, I meant “loyal reader”.

    Still laughing…..

  10. OMG! This post is hilarious! Also? The comments? Pushed me over the edge! “anything that requires “huge amounts of lubricant” isn’t necessarily an act of love.” and “not only during kissing, but me and my lady always make eye contact during fisting as well” Great Stuff!

  11. Any good love doctor knows about fisting.

    I mean, I’ve known about fisting since I was 19 and my gay roommate called our gay neighbors the “fisting daddies”.

    They lived across the hall and during Sunday football games you’d hear them yelling “Ooooh Yeah, Get that ball” and it would be normal football yelling at first and then by half-time it would be a little more “oooooh yeah” and then it’d get really quiet.

    They were pretty good neighbors except that they’d get in a fight like once a week and one would throw the other’s stuff out the balcony door and then when I got home from whatever rave I was at, I’d have swerve around the clothes strewn around the parking lot.

    And trust me? That is hard when you’re tripping. But if you pretend like you’re playing Pole Position it gets easier and more entertaining.

    So yeah, fisting.

    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..Confronting Mr. Big Butt

  12. In response to:

    “Lucky you!
    You just lost a loyal reader with post.
    Offensive.”

    Not to like, stir anything up. This is just an observation. But, I find it odd that a loyal reader (that means someone who has been reading a long time, right?) would choose today to be offended. I mean, if this was offensive, shouldn’t you have stopped at dismembered babies or sea men or mittens for various private parts? Again, this is just an observation. Everyone has a right to be as offended as they want at anything they want. And everyone else has a right to think it it’s odd.

  13. I’m sorry I just saw that Marcia already made this observation. Glad I’m not the only one confused.

  14. Maybe that reporter had the inside scoop. We’ll have to see if the national debt increases due to the purchase of lube to be sure though.

    Jim’s last blog post..100th post

  15. Kristin, I’d totally give you a fist-bump for that, but I’m just not that into the kinky stuff. 🙂

  16. You provide a massive public service because you don’t want the uninformed googling this on their own. But I blame the schools today for our illiterate public. No child left behind, my ass.

    Thankfully the urban dictionary scribe equates evolved with queer and kinky. There IS hope for our future after all.

    deb on the rocks’s last blog post..Obam-chica-bow-wow: Let’s Get It On!

  17. The incident is funny (my dh told me about it yesterday). The post is funny. But funniest is that anyone could claim they follow this blog and then say they are offended at a post like this 😀 Methinks they might not be following that closely 😉

  18. My grandmother broke her wrist about three weeks ago. When I took her to her bone doctor to get x-rays and stuff done on Wednesday, he told her to practice fisting before her next appointment. Yes, he meant putting her fingers into a fist to build strength back up in them, but he kept saying fisting. It was everything in me to not either laugh or kill him for talking like that to my grandmother.

  19. The Obama ad next to the definition is hilarious, but my favorite part is where it says “requires great care”. Seems to imply that “fisting” is a very gentle and loving act. Who knew!?

    P.S. Firefox thinks I spelled fisting wrong. I guess it really isn’t in the dictionary.

  20. That’s hilarious! That poor dumb white chick has NO idea what she even said and that makes it all the better! HEE HEE!

  21. Oh lord. How is it possible that Fox continues to get the stupidest people in the world to say shit like this as “experts”.

    Thank you for this post, I’m laughing so damn hard.

    followthatdog’s last blog post..Transformation!

  22. For a brief moment your post about ‘fisting’ was right next to an add for the United Negro College Fund. Which is all kinds of fucked up. You know, like, “You’re black! Go to college like our black president! Learn about history, physics and fisting!”

    Heather B.’s last blog post..Grace in Small Things: Three

  23. Oh my god, this is hysterical.

    Y’know, I’m already having inappropriate thoughts about our new Commander in Chief. This just adds a whole new and interesting layer to those thoughts. I think I’m going to have to bleach my brain.

  24. Holy crap that’s funny. I especially like the ad they ran next to the definition. Still giggling with tears running down my face and can’t tell my co-workers why. Forwarded this to EVERYONE. NSFW of course. Thank you Jenny for starting my Friday out right.

    Karen’s last blog post..Max’s Trip to the Fair Continued

  25. I feel so smart because I know what funbags are and what fisting is. I’m totally going to put that on my resume.

    And I wouldn’t worry about one Debby Downer being offended. In fact if at least one person didn’t get offended occassionaly by what I write, then I would worry.

  26. The best part is that you KNOW that people our parents’ age watched this and will be arguing in a diner somewhere in middle America yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, he does that Terrorist FISTING! THAT’S why he can’t be trusted to run our country!” or in a supermarket somewhere in Queens, “I just don’t understand kids these days with the texting and the FISTING. When I was a girl, we never fisted anyone!”

  27. Fisting. Fist-BUMPING. Yeah, I can see how the people at FoxNews could mix that up. There are so similar (rolling eyes).

    I think we have to let it go. They are grieving still and grief-stricken people just don’t think clearly and even less so when they were idiots to begin with.

    annie’s last blog post..Friday Updating

  28. I am supposedly a professional geographer (don’t ask what that means, because I have no f’in idea) and I occasionally go to professional type conferences. So one year I tootle on over to Denver, and lo’ and behold, there is a session on “Sexual Geographies”, and the first section is entitled “The Geography of Fisting.” I was so there. So my roomie and I get up extra early to be there on time, which was hard because it was the very first paper of the very first session of the day, but it was sure to be worth it, and besides, all the rest of the session was on lesbos, and my roomie was one, so we were hoping to pick her up a date. So we get there and five feet away from the door is one of our old professors, who is so excited that we came to support her in her panel discussion on feminism or something boring like that which was about to start next door. So we ended up getting roped into that instead, and we ended up ticking off all the feminists, and I never got to find out about the geographies of fisting. I go to the conferences almost every year now, hoping that there will be fisting, but there never is.

    Well, at least it’s good to know that it’s a time honored tradition in the White House. Maybe they’ll give a paper on it instead.

  29. Marcia—I completely understand where you’re coming from. But if you WERE into that kind of stuff it would be sweeeeeeet! Now excuse me, I have to show this post to my grandmother. I think she would appreciate it WITHOUT being offended.

  30. AT LAST, a president who is just like the rest of us! or, well, um some of us. Not me, I certainly never do anything that’s not completely sanctioned by the Church.

    Although, maybe the Church sanctions fisting? Myabe I should call a priest and asked him if someone sticking a fist in someone elses bits in considered acceptable martial relations, you know, strictly hypothetically speaking…

  31. This is EXACTLY what I need to know about our president and his wife. Thank you, Jenny. You are my new Walter Cronkite.

  32. Holy crap, that lady is so going to get fired! I can’t believe that. And, yes, I know what fisting is. If you hadn’t warned me that word was involved in that clip, I would have choked when I heard it.

    Insanity.

  33. “We will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.”
    — Barack Obama, January 20, 2009

    “Or you can cram your fist up my chute and call me ‘Hussein.’ Either one.”
    — Me, just now

  34. Maybe if you’d posted about Cosby Sweater then people would have reason to be offended.

    I still haven’t forgiven the friend who sent me that link on Urban Dictionary.

  35. You have gained a new reader from me as well. I can’t believe folks are offended by this. Get over yourselves. Sex (love?) acts are just sex acts — who cares what someone does, as long as it’s consensual. Disgusted by it? Perhaps you have some introspection to do.

  36. I am enjoying the outrage and thinly-veiled sexual superiority of the pearl-clutching contingent.
    I only scanned, so I could be wrong, but at least the comments haven’t devolved to thinking about the children. Perhaps because many commenters are too busy being scandalized and titillated.
    I mean, I could say a bunch of snarky things about the way that they fuck, but that would be rude, don’t you think?

  37. So does it make me normal or abnormal that I know what fisting is? Actually I was surprised that people didn’t know what it was. But then again, they were probably people like my mother who I had to explain where BFE is.

  38. This is why I read your blog. Seriously, you write the shit me and my girlfriends sit around talking about while drinking vodka. Or while having sunday brunch with the kids. Yeah, you’re cool like that.

  39. fantasy life: yup, blue velvet works, or chasing amy, in which amy totally explains fisting, complete with how-to gestures, for the dumb straight white guy. while sitting on a swing, which is NOT okay.

  40. Yeah, my husband called me up yesterday just about cracking up over this. The radio station he listens to in the morning was replaying the audio clip about fisting randomly… fking hilarious!

  41. my sister just told me about your blog and I’ve been reading it non-stop. Never in my wildest dreams did I think there would be one place where I could read about mini sasquatch, dead hobo fingers and ninjas

    you’re like my own inappropriate story pinata

    go you!

  42. Bahahaha. I can’t even see the video at work… but no matter.

    I do not want to think about the Obamas fisting. Or anyone else, for that matter.

    I once new a girl who could shove her entire fist into her mouth. She was strangely popular. Coincidence?

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Dear Younger, Dumber Me:

  43. I saw this video yesterday too and thought it was so funny that I emailed it to basically everyone I know. And then when I saw my mom later she was like “what’s fisting?” so then I had to explain what fisting was to my 54-year-old mother, which, when you’re 24, is a little awkward and involved a lot of “ummm”s and “vagina”s, and I don’t know what it is about fisting, but I just don’t like talking about entire fists inside vaginas or assholes to my mom.

    Bridget’s last blog post..This is pretty much the most messed up thing I’ve ever seen

  44. I got the same reaction when I tried to share the link with someone in my office.

    She goes “what’s fisting?”. FYI It’s so much more awkward in real life than on twitter.

  45. Seriously, there are only so many rocks in the world for people to hide under. Who doesn’t know what that means?

    Or maybe I should stop reading those catalogs that come in the mail.

    I saw this video yesterday and have been laughing ever since (and emailing it).

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Stones

  46. Highway @ 64:

    Do yopu knopw hopw top fix a kleyboard after sopmeopne has spit copffee all over it? It’s yopur fault that my kleyboard is acting all funny…

    [howling with laughter]

  47. Back when I was in college, the term came up in a conversation somehow and a professor wanted to know what it was. For some reason I was delegated to do the dirty work (no pun intended) and had to tell her what it was. She put her rounded fist into the air and said “but fists are so big!” which of course just make us laugh even harder. But then one of my classmates, a lesbian, stuck her small, narrow hand up in the air, giving sort of a queenly wave, and said “not all of them.”

  48. Do the thumbs up and thumbs down refer to variations of the traditional fist method?? Is that some sort of poll to see how many do it each way? Hmm.

  49. Wow, yeah. I spit my water out when I heard fisting. It’s sad that the reason I know what it is, is because my husband finds it hilarious to bring it up in every day conversation.

    Oh yeah, I talked to my boss…Grumpy Munchkin…And he said it was fine.

    Seriously? Seriously.

    JachiCue’s last blog post..Just amazing love year

  50. My boyfriend’s cafeteria at work has something every Wednesday called “Toss Your Own Salad”. They have a banner and everything. Apparently he’s the only one who gets it. Sometimes he’ll ask the person next to him in line if they’ll toss his salad for him.

  51. So you are either psychotic or psychic…. I think you are right on target then with your earlier quote. I just think he is going to delay it a bit…

    “UPDATE 12:56pm – The CW is here now. I just got my first interview and I mentioned how awesome it would be if tomorrow Obama was all “And I’m also GAY, bitches” and then he’s the first gay President and then he get’s a sex change and he’s the first transgendered president.”

    Jenny the all seeing goddess bloggess – we your fans are truly not worthy of your insight and intellect!

  52. Holy Shit… I honestly just lost my breath from laughing so hard at that video. Who the hell is that woman? I want to smack her in the forehead and high five her all at the same time(Which is going to take some serious coordination)! It’s called “Pounding”… which doesn’t sound MUCH better now that I’ve gone and said it.

  53. OH! after your done looking up fisting, you can go to your local sex store, (or almost any sex store) and get the ART BOOK that they have on fisting in the gay section, and then go and look up ‘califlower blossom’ afterwards…..and see what happens after too much fisting.

    heh. i love this blog.

  54. Oh, my God. I cannot stop laughing.

    I don’t know which is funnier, the post or the comments. Or maybe the one wet blanket who had to primly inform you that they were “cancelling their subscription”, as it were? More room for me on the comment queue!

    Also, I totally already knew what fisting and funbags were. Because I’m evolved!

    Coco’s last blog post..What Are You Reading?

  55. So, I finish up my blog post about accidental pole dancing, and then I come over here to find you’ve been posting about accidental fisting! We are, like, twins or something. I knew there was a reason I liked you.

    Mikki’s last blog post..I’m a Hater

  56. Fisting is not meant for people over 40…a hand cramp during this activity can cause severe damage on so many levels.

  57. I love the news anchor’s awkward (anxious) laughter when the so called “love expert” brings up “fisting”.

    Your twitter updates on this yesterday completely made my day. I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

    Ally B’s last blog post..Female Perspective: The Gym

  58. Highway totally beat me to it. Not only are they into fisting, but once inside, they unclench their fists?

    Or is that an instruction? “Okay, okay, if this is going to work, you have to unclench my fist. Stop seizing up like that.”

    I’m just totally thrilled at the idea that loyal viewers of this Fox morning program are thinking, “Hmm…well if that’s how the First Family keep the home fires burning, maybe I’ll just google fisting and see what we need to try.”

    Then fifteen seconds later:

    “Oooohhh my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwd!!!”

    Oh to be a fly on every wall.

    The Critic’s last blog post..Sucks

  59. Damn it. Am soo screwed. Just played that Fox video with kid present in kitchen. He thinks “sex” is grown-ups kissing and caused a major scandal at school last week trying to have sex with his fruit roll-up. Now I’ve just reinforced this ugly behavior. CPS is no doubt on the way.

    The Lawyer Mom’s last blog post..The Witty JP

  60. Forgive me St. Bloggess, for I have sinned by not visiting for several weeks. .. because I’m laid off n’ stuff, so no time for frivolous pursuits like fisting and web surfing much. .. but thanks. My day has been made.

    Tonight I’ll be all: “Honey, we need to try something new. I mean, the Obamas do it and everything, so you KNOW it’s all the rage!”

  61. OMG – I haven’t laughed so hard in *ages*! The post was funny and the comments are hilarious! I seriously have a side cramp from laughing so hard. I may have exploded a cancer pinata.

    Jenny – no need to worry about one ‘see ya later.’ She can wipe the santorum off of her face and get back to her Glamorous Life. I think you ROCK!

  62. I am fairly certain that Fisting is going to be a sport in the 2012 Olympics and that it might be combined with PoleSitting for the most intense competitors.

    I am fairly certain I made this up.
    Otherwise we are all in deeper than we want to be. Wait!—that didn’t come out right either.
    Fuck. At least I’m a loyal reader.
    Or fister. Or something. . . .

  63. Didn’t see your tweet, but when I watched that video, before I read any further, I was like OH NO SHE DI-NT JUST SAY THAT! It gives me the greatest pleasure in life watching nerdy whites do crap like that. Especially since I am a nerdy white myself.

    Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..January Greeblepix Winner!

  64. I can’t believe you had to put the definition of fisting up! Hilarious. I’m not sure what it says about me that I know what fisting is, but didn’t know my boobs are called funbags. Of course mine are more like deflated-bags post baby. Not much fun there.

    Judy’s last blog post..Sandra Boynton free song download

  65. Oh holy shit I never saw that video. I can’t believe she said that they enjoyed fisting with a straight face. It’s like it had to be a mistake, but somehow that was actually what she meant to say.

    I heard that earlier drafts of that newscast reported that they enjoyed the Dirty Sanchez, Cleveland Steamers, Glass-Bottom Boats, Felching, and a good old Donkey Punch now and again.

    Johnny Truant’s last blog post..Unfortunately, pants

  66. HAHAHA…that’s hilarious!!!! Why was this offensive to anyone????? Come on people, this is The Bloggess…you have to expect things like this from her 😉

  67. Okay.. I’m advanced enough to know about fisting, dirty sanchez, and felching, but I totally had to look up bagpipe, Cosby sweater, Glass bottom boat, smurfing, and donkey punch. It’s totally wrong of me that I absolutely cracked up at donkey punch! LOL!!!

    By the way. Not offended either.. try again Bloggess!!

  68. OMG! I did not know this existed until tonight! This is so funny I almost peed my pants! And the comments on top of it…they even had my “I don’t care about your damn blog” husband rolling and that takes some doing!

    As for losing followers…joke ’em if they can’t take a fuck!

    And yes, I knew what fisting was…in college we had a counselor come in to our orientation class to talk to us about safe sex (AIDS was still rather a new disease then in ’89-90). Fisting was one of the unsafe methods.

    As for all the other…ahem…terms…I had to look them up and ask my husband. Sad, I know, but I am a Mom of a 3 year old, I don’t get out much anymore. LOL But I did already know what filching & tossing salad meant (don’t ask).

    I normally stalk you from my Google Reader, but I had to comment on this one. And I will be emailing this to certain friends with sick & twisted senses of humor. Which, coincidentally is ALL my friends (we’re a strange bunch)

    Shan’s last blog post..I Just Got Hit With A Bloggy Love Stick!

  69. Somehow I am comforted by the notion that there is gonna be hot, blasphemous sex going on in the White House over the next four years.

  70. Isn’t that an FCC violation?

    Even Doctor Ruth knows what “fisting” is. That “love Doctor” is clearly a rank amateur.

    Gigi’s last blog post..

  71. Moments like these make it so rewarding to have a dirty mind. Seriously, I haven’t laughed like that since… um, since the last time I read your blog.

    Also, bonus points for me for getting the Fun Bag reference! I miss mine, they’re just Mommy Bags now.

  72. Huh. Now I have to wonder if I’m just a completely dirty-minded person because I didn’t know there was a non-penetration definition of fisting…

  73. Somewhat easily persuaded, I decided to take the bait and look up extra gravy on Urban Dictionary, because I already knew fisting. (so 70’s) Regardless, that inquiry led me to click on the word (or acronym) fupa. All I can say is Bloggess has led me to learn things I didn’t even know I wanted to know. I don’t think we have any fupas fisting in the White House and for that, I am thankful. Beyond that I appreciate the Fox faux pas…lmao.

  74. What makes this even more funny for me is that for Christmas my husband bought my Republican Brother- in- law an “Obama Survial Kit” which is basically 3 huge tubs of vaseline! I can’t wait to make my hubby read this blog entry! He is gonna fall off his chair!

  75. Oh man if I was the interviewer I would have led that lady around in circles making her say it again and again in different ways.

    The trick would have been not cracking up every time– I don’t know that I could have made it.

    Wait till Obama reveals that in order to be a true supporter, you must fist every fellow supporter you meet. “Yes, We Did!”

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..My ridiculous rhinestone bow ’tis of thee

  76. hahahahaha this is so hilarious! I even know what fisting is and I could be reasonably called a sheltered person. I love when people think they’re using the right slang term and it comes off so so so much worse.

    When I was in college (Bible college, no less) a friend told us at dinner that one of our guy friends had just “Fingered” her in line for dinner. We all were howling laughing while she grew more confused. Eventually we figured out she meant he gave her the finger as she waited in line for dinner. Not the other thing…

  77. Urbandictionary.com is one of the many things I do at work all day along with read your blog…

    p.s. look up what “gorilla woman” means on urban dictionary-

    yeah my whole office is still laughing about that one…

  78. How are you so relevant to my life at all times? I just went looking for a copy of the original Willy Wonka because some asshole stole mine in college. It is by far my favorite movie on earth. (However I waited 4 years to go looking for another one.)
    AND
    I just had a conversation about “fisting” yesterday and it has now become an inside joke with my co-workers. Congrats. You’re on the inside.
    Wait! Ew. I didn’t mean like that. Crap. I guess any convo about fisting can never really end well.
    I apologize.
    P.s. kittens suck. Get back to all the offensive and random crap we love.

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