If you don’t twitter just skip this. Or if you do. Either way really.

Random things I twittered last week after being insulted:

Then today I opened up my mail and discovered that BrentO had made me my very own twitter shirt:


It’s soft, fuzzy, immediately outdated and is so dorky that it’s infinitely cool it’s slightly awesome it looks like there’s a rainbow coming from my left boob.

PS. Twitter is like the DVD commentary to my blog.  If you don’t read it you are missing such gems as:

WhiteI’d wish you all a Happy Presidents Day but I don’t know where the apostrophe goes.

WhiteDoes the day *belong* to the President? Is it possessive? Plural? Plural possessive?

WhiteIf I was Obama I’d be all “Bow down, assholes. This is MY day. Free ice cream for the President. Who is me.”

But he probably already gets free ice cream. If I was the president I’d ask everyone to send me Jewish greeting cards.

Not because I’m Jewish but because the Jewish card market is largely unsupported and it would help stimulate the economy.

I’m always thinking.

Am I the only one that has a special ring tone for Chase’s credit card collections department? They call me more than anyone I know.

WhiteIf MLK told me “I have a dream…” I’d have been “Was it that one where all your clothes have turned into ferrets and you’re late for work?”

And then he’d get all distracted and forget what his dream really was. It’s probably a good thing I was never part of his posse.

If Jesus cared what you were going to do with semen he would have mentioned it in the Constitution.

So my coworker is all “I don’t even know where to begin on correcting you on that last twitter”

Apparently I said Jesus wrote “the Constitution” when I meant that he wrote “the Commandments”

And then it turns out Jesus didn’t even write the Commandments?!

And I’m all “The hell he didn’t!”

My coworker :Why don’t you look it up? It’s all probably all outlined in the Bill of Rights.

He’s kind of an asshole.

No! Jesus is not an asshole. Jesus is awesome. I love his wine trick. Fuck.

In other words, you should block me immediately if you haven’t already.

Comment of the day: I have a coworker whose boyfriend signed his cat up to twitter. The cat is so popular that soon he will have more followers than our company’s product has users. ~ Susan

157 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I think you’re the Twitter bomb.

    Gretchen’s last blog post..Intervention

  2. I’m not funny or even interesting, if I am going to be honest here, enough to write my own twitters, but I might just join up so I can read yours.

    clickmom’s last blog post..shame on who

  3. So every time you lose or gain a follower, you need to get a new t-shirt? Hello, new wardrobe!

    Marinka’s last blog post..Pork: A Cautionary Tale

  4. You rock my twitter socks. Even though I don’t wear socks.

    Danielle-Lee’s last blog post..We could all use a little dose of hope

  5. As I’ve said before, it takes a lot more than that to get rid of me. Just ask my husband.

    Jennifer A’s last blog post..Ugh its only Monday and she’s only in First Grade

  6. And FYI, I favorited this series of tweets. Not right now…but at the time. For reasons I do not even need to explain, because hello? Awesome.

    Lesley’s last blog post..The Most Boring Post You Will Ever Read – Despite The Gigantic Puppet Spiders And The Fact That Someone Took Out My Eyeball

  7. The web is on your boob. Awesome.

    Grey Street Girl’s last blog post..The LOL Posse Strikes Again!

  8. Bloggess tweets are basically the highlight of my timeline.

  9. That’s a hot shirt you got on top of those boobs.

    I’ll take one. You pick which I’m talking about.

    Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]’s last blog post..Devoured for a Rose

  10. You’re on permanent follow for the Jesus and Constitution tweet. You’re brilliant even in accidents, like my wife, who said “There are too many people writing autobiographies about people they don’t even *know.*”

  11. Hilarious! Love the shirt, and I love following you on Twitter!

    Michael Faris’s last blog post..Our Undemocratic Constitution

  12. I think you need one of those computer shirts so you can update it daily, or hourly, whatever.

    Heather’s last blog post..Questioning Haikus

  13. @TheBloggess I quite enjoy yr tweets. T shirt was relevant 4 1.7 seconds–now u can look back and be all: ‘member when I had x followers?

    Jenni’s last blog post..Witness The Spectacle As I Send Two of King Arthur’s Knights Away in Shame

  14. I suppose you can just hand down your shirts as you gain and lose followers. I think wearing it to a job interview is way better than putting it on your resume. No one really reads resumes anyway

    Mariah’s last blog post..Excuse Me While I Assume A New Identity

  15. Marinka makes an excellent point about fluctuating numbers of followers. Perhaps you really need a shirt with digital screen inserts that could be constantly updated? Sort of like those tacky holiday sweaters that actually light up, crossed with a 1980s McDonald’s restaurant sign that offered a digital tally of burgers served.

    MommyTime’s last blog post..The Agony of Defeat

  16. Following you on Twitter was the single greatest thing I have done on the internets… besides my homemade porno…

    (I kid.)


    Your t-shirt is so fucking cool it hurts my eyes.

    Ally B’s last blog post..Regression

  17. Gah, I feel like I’ve read almost this entire post before.

    The fuck?

    Betsey’s last blog post..I’m back… Mostly

  18. 18
    I can't read my nametag

    New brilliant idea: Twitter fortune cookies, featuring the best tweets of The Bloggess. (For those of us who don’t twitter but like Chinese food.)

  19. I got your tweet right here, pal!

    Spamboy’s last blog post..WordPress for iPhone: Test Post #1

  20. you’re awesome.

    kerry’s last blog post..isn’t that typical?

  21. Dude. I’m on that shirt. I’m, like, follower #6,992 or something.

    Kick ass.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Girl Scout "Crack"ies

  22. “rainbow coming from my right boob.”

    Not to be overly familiar, but isn’t that your left boob, and wasn’t that the side that Bullet McCoy was on in the picture in my mind, and aren’t you not supposed to post pictures like that to my mind, ’cause doesn’t that make you my imaginary stalker.

  23. You would think it was my left boob but technically I had to flip the picture so it wouldn’t look backward since I took it in the mirror so actually it’s my right boob. It’s like a trick question involving my boob.

  24. Jesus is totally going to give you points for telling everyone about the no pancake thing. It TOTALLY balances, I swear.

    Kyla’s last blog post..My kid is normal.

  25. Ha, ha! I just added you on Twitter. Now you need to update your shirt!

  26. Centaurs freaking ROCK. Bring back the centaurs!!!

    AmyAnne’s last blog post..Leftovers

  27. Your tweets are some of my favorites. I often find myself laughing after reading something you wrote and when somebody asks me what I’m laughing at, I try to explain but then just give up. Fuck. YOU try and explain The Bloggess to someone.

    Is the centaur raising the angry fist?!?

    Ryan’s last blog post..The internet is fun but I like people more

  28. Well, I really feel like my 30 whole followers deems me a highly qualified communicator, so your thousands makes me think you should be giving the State of the Union or in the very fucking least president of that company you were applying for a job with.
    Rockin’ Shirt!

    Shonda Little’s last blog post..Hellbent on Lent

  29. I think Jesus dictated the Commandments to Charlton Heston, who had them engraved in stone at the mall.

    Steam me up, kid’s last blog post..The Irish Grudge

  30. You make me wanna be a better twitterer or twatter or whatever.

    I am leaning towards twatter cause it sounds classier like.

  31. The centaur is really awesome, maybe he could be wrestling with a liger. Or have rainbows shooting out his ass. Or something.

    moonfly’s last blog post..All mortals must pay homage

  32. My boob has never, ever produced a rainbow. I feel so inadequate now. Stupid nonperforming boobs.

    H.E.Eigler’s last blog post..Musical Dreams by Jessica Rosenberg – Flash Fiction

  33. “You would think it was my left boob”

    Sorry, I am sort of new here, so I don’t know the proper title for a bloggess, so I am just going to go with Your Binaryness,

    But unless Your Binaryness owns a shirt with mirror image writing on it, then that is indeed your left boob. Trust me on this, I have spent 30 year staring at these things, not yours in particular (I don’t think your boobs look a day over 25) but just boobs in general.

    You see when you took the picture in the mirror, the image had the wrong orientation, but you then went on photo-shop (or maybe bloggesses have magic computer powers) and reflected it in a vertical line. Thus the net effect is of someone taking a picture of you from the opposite side of the mirror at the same distance from it as you.

    You can see from that incredibly suave and sexy explanation why my relationship with boobs has been almost entirely visual to date.

    Nonetheless, that is your left boob, and we, the loyal minions, deserve a correction.

  34. 34
    I can't read my nametag

    Even newer brilliant idea: Bloggess Brand Bra Strap Distractor Decals. Available in Centaur, Ninja, and new Color-Changing Zombie Jesus.

    And here’s the only marketing line you’ll need to sell millions of them:

    Bloggess Brand Bra Strap Distractor Decals are the official bra strap distractor decals of Nancy Kappes, paralegal.

  35. So…I think I get the boob switcheroo, but where does that leave the pot of gold, are you hiding it in your right hand or your left?

    And now that you know how to create pots of gold, does that make you part of the stimulus plan?

    nin’s last blog post..Poetry and Code on a Sunday afternoon

  36. Dammit. It is my left boob. The only thing worse than having a typo pointed out is arguing incorrectly which of your boobs has rainbows shooting out of it.

  37. Blocked. And by ‘blocked’ I mean ‘triple added’.

    That doesn’t even mean anything.

  38. I love you.

    Maria’s last blog post..I heart faces – black and white

  39. After you mentioned the rainbow boob it made me think of you nursing a lephrouchan, also, I don’t spellcheck when I’m drunk and that seemed like the fancy way to spell leprochan? Sorry for that.

    An aside, I just purchased a Jewish housewarming card for my friend and her Jew husband. He was all “wow its the only Jew card we’ve received, ever” so you are right about the market.

  40. Somehow 666 came up for the number of people I’m following. And just to piss off the fake Jesus-lovers, and to make the real lovers of the Constitution laugh, I’m going to try to maintain that number for at least a week, in honor of The Bloggess, cause you say whatever the hell you want. Amen!

    WineWonkette’s last blog post..Another Wine Byte #6: Even Wine Gets Stressed!

  41. Pulling out the ‘I’m the President’ card to get free ice cream is almost as good as pulling out the ‘I have AIDS’ card. Not quite, though, because being the president doesn’t get as much pity. At least with AIDS people feel bad for you, you know? They wanna help you. When you’re the president people expect YOU to help THEM and pull rainbows out of your ass and stuff.

  42. I hate that MFer called twitter. That shit is just ridiculous. Call me an old fashion beeeatch but you could not pay me enough to use it. Give me a rotary dial phone and I will be in heaven. But if YOU use IT, it must be really like 0.00001 percent good. I’ll think about using it again in about a millennium.

    Julia’s last blog post..Decode This!!-Part II

  43. “…which of your boobs has rainbows shooting out of it.”

    Not to worry, it is a very flattering rainbow no matter which boob it emanates from.

    Oh and by the way, is this sort of electromagnetic emanation normal for a bloggess, and does that mean that you don’t need a flashlight when you go camping, ’cause nothin’ is worse than getting up in the middle of the night to go pee and having to spend 15 minutes trying to find the @#$%# flashlight.

  44. Okay. I think I kinda have a crush on commenter “elspi” now.

    Lesley’s last blog post..The Most Boring Post You Will Ever Read – Despite The Gigantic Puppet Spiders And The Fact That Someone Took Out My Eyeball

  45. Oh and by the way, I think you are the funniest thing on the web since fafblog lost its lust for pie.

    All hail Giblets (just in case).

  46. Why does the centaur have to have a human torso and the ass/legs of a horse? Until the equine world is equally represented in the facial area, there will not be peace in the world. Also? If mermaids had the torso of a fish and legs like a woman, guys wouldn’t be staring so much. Perverts.

    apathy lounge’s last blog post..Why, God? Why?

  47. I love reading your tweets. They make the rest of my day seem kinda sane. A bit. Maybe.

    Also, would it be weird if I wore your shirt? Should I make my own? Maybe we should grab fabric markers and white shirts and make them for everyone at BlogHer. We’d be the hit of the party.

    Jessica (from It’s my life…)’s last blog post..Finally, Photos of The New ‘Do

  48. Sexiest photo ever. Talks dirty to my inner nerd.

    gcotharn’s last blog post..Best thing about internet: Well-scrubbed, All-American girls singing into their webcams

  49. That t-shirt is hysterical and I can only imagine a fucking lifecoach wearing one. Or maybe you could put on the back “I AM A SPAM-BOT.” Gloating can be totally fun, though, so I say wear it around town one day and see if anyone notices or cares. A twitterexperiment, if you will.

    Amysprite’s last blog post..Totally Awkward Tuesday

  50. Can we be friends? Please?

  51. Anyone who’s the least bit surprised that your boobs have the Rainbow Magic* really shouldn’t be allowed to stop by here anymore.

    *(isn’t that a My Little Pony?)

    Jennifer Harvey’s last blog post..Toward light

  52. I think you definitely have to send this shirt back with a Thank You card and a demand for a replacement that not only updates your numbers (surely far greater after this) but adds the now-mandatory centaur to the shoulder.

    Also it should feature some sort of chalk outline for where the rainbows shoot out from your boob(s).

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Your post title is on its way!

  53. speaking of Jesus’ wine trick…is THAT what ash wednesday is all about? cause if so that makes no sense. but I’m still trying to figure this out…there are too many damn Jesus related holidays. I mean, he takes a poop and we have to celebrate. If I were Jesus I would be all “just let me read the damn sports section and leave me alone!” and then I would use my magical powers to distract everyone with cool things like griffins and fawns and like monkeys that fly like in the wizard of oz cause that’s pretty much all I would do if I had magical powers like Jesus.

    Hannah’s last blog post..I <3 the Ace and chocolate covered pumpkin men

  54. When I grow up, I want to be just like you, but that will be difficult because I’m pretty sure I’m older than you.

    Also, I recently had Mr. Lumpy (a benign bastard) removed from my bewb, but I would have much rather had a rainbow come out of there instead. Please advise.

    califmom’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Good News

  55. beautiful – just beautiful! what a great way to start my day!

    DeEtte’s last blog post..Just say “NO” to Heroin…. if you are temp-to-perm

  56. Nice picture, Bloggess.

    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Suicidal Jesus

  57. I’m bowing down to you right now… which is making it hard to type.
    I really don’t have anything witty to say.
    Umm… you look like you’re missing your right hand. Which is cool ’cause some people dig that.

    Amber Mc’s last blog post..My Five Month Old…

  58. Please don’t let these small-minded shallow thinkers get you down. If your left lacto-melon can produce a rainbow, there is no reason that your right fun-bag couldn’t do the same. I am betting, because you are my close personal friend, that you are ambibreastrous. Viva La Pi?atit.

  59. I so want a t-shirt with my Twitter status!!

  60. I still don’t get this twitter thing. ???

    But whatever. I don’t come here to understand… I come here to check out your rainbow boobs.

    Debbi’s last blog post..Phat Tuesday

  61. Fuck Jenny. I try to be clever and funny and it comes out sounding stupid. You make it look easy.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..ANSWER – Tuesday Trivia: Code

  62. Dude you totally kick ass…there is nothing else to say.

    Jen’s last blog post..Warning Random Tuesday Thoughts Ahead

  63. I’m completely unworthy of even typing in this little comment box.

  64. I would never block you, because you continually remind me that I am indeed NOT the craziest mo-fo on planet earth.

    So thanks for that.

    By the way, I love the tee-shirt. Can you make me one with an elephant on it to distract people from my fatness?

    Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy’s last blog post..(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Atypical Sunday

  65. I think Twitter was created for the likes of you. In fact, you should set your comments to only accept 140 characters.

    Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..Give Me Shelter: The Recession’s Furry Victims

  66. I love the twitter portion of your show and I totally think that centaur is copping a feel, so just keep your eye on him.

    Kurt’s last blog post..Let’s Pretend This Isn’t Another One About Zombies

  67. I’m only hurting myself by staying away from Twitter, I know, but I can’t find anymore hours in the day.

    annie’s last blog post..The Leading Men Who Made Me the Woman I Am

  68. Is you left boob gay?

    William’s last blog post..Stupid Cats

  69. Just one justification for me to check twitter every fifteen minutes.
    Also, you should get one of the shirts with LEDs in them so you can have your t-shirt do live updates. THAT would be badass.

    MonsteRawr’s last blog post..I’m hardcore, bitches!

  70. Nah, I’ll keep ya. You keep my phone on it’s tones. (Aw, come on! give puns a chance!)

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..John Isn’t The Only One Writing My Posts For Me..

  71. I understand there is centaur porn with midgets. I haven’t looked it up. I’m still scarred from googling tentacle sex.

  72. Centaurs are cool. Although a bit creepy. Okay, mostly creepy.

    Ashley’s last blog post..30 Weeks Pregnant, You Say?

  73. The boob rainbow is kewl. Like a combination of God’s promise that the world will never be destroyed by a flood again and the promise that a good bra never lets you down. Or something like that.

  74. I’m a dork, so I got one of those Zazzle t-shirts to wear to BlogHer. I added a bunch to my number of followers, but it’s already way off. By July it will be a joke.

    The thing is, I’m so much funnier on Twitter than I am on my blog, my blog readers have deserted me. Now they hang around all day on twitter waiting for me to say something hilarious.


    Poppy Buxom’s last blog post..Mental masturbation, or, what I learned from doing Blog365

  75. 75
    Just A. Reader

    Bloggess boob at the end of a rainbow. Beats the crap out of a pot of gold.

  76. I like t-shirts. And rainbows. And boobs. Centuars, not so much.

    michellew_’s last blog post..Dis R.E.S.P.E.C.T

  77. Possibly because I can’t spell it.

    michellew_’s last blog post..Dis R.E.S.P.E.C.T

  78. Block You? Are you fucking kidding me? Never!

    Aria’z Ink’s last blog post..One Hundred (aka Damn It’s Early, and Oh Hey, Have A Giveaway Too)

  79. Man this call for more followers is just going to make this shirt outdated. Unless that’s your plan, so you can get a new one, and incorporate the centaur from the get-go? Brilliant!

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..I just have this one tiny, tiny thing to say

  80. When I first discovered you in October, you had like 2,500 followers. Now you have nearly 7,800. The only word for that is Exponential. There should be a Jenny Expo somewhere.

    betaphi’s last blog post..Stimulus Package

  81. All my boobs produce is milk and even that went away went I got pregnant again.

    Of course, rainbows can’t sustain tiny humans – so in about another trimester… I win.

    Wait. Can rainbows sustain lepracauns? If so, my whole argument just went down the drain.

    The Cotton Wife’s last blog post..Let’s Talk About Farms

  82. You crack me up. Thank you for that.

    Tina’s last blog post..SPT – I am saying "I love you" when I…

  83. You are looking quite svelte these days! Love the shirt!

    Sayre’s last blog post..Fun Monday – Counters

  84. “And now that you know how to create pots of gold, does that make you part of the stimulus plan?”

    Somehow, between “stimulus package” and that photo I think there is something VERY INAPPROPRIATE happening here. But, I can’t seem to remember what it is…


    EdT.’s last blog post..Top Chef NY: Kicking it up a notch in the Big Easy

  85. Oh, and btw Jenny if you are going to get a new job we INSIST that one of the conditions be that they give you complete, unfiltered access to the Intrawebz. And permission to Tweet and blog during the workday. As a priority activity.


    EdT.’s last blog post..WW: Ladies and Gentlemen – The Beetles!

  86. I have a coworker whose boyfriend signed his cat up to twitter. The cat is so popular that we say that soon he will have more followers than our company’s product has concurrent users.

  87. Jenny,

    You look pretty hot in that shirt. *really*

  88. Dood, seriously.


  89. I was at a basketball game last night and kept getting your Twitters. My husband finally asked what the hell was SO funny and I read him your tweet about no more free pancakes but videos of blowjobs were good … and he no longer questioned me looking about looking at my phone. He said anyone who posts links to blowjob videos is good in his book.

    Kristy – Where’s My Damn Answer’s last blog post..Who’s in da DAMN House Wednesday? – Rude Cactus

  90. You are the funniest twiiter MoFo I follow…

    Mz. Nesbit’s last blog post..Zig Ziglar’s BIG Quotes

  91. Jenny – I love you.

    kateanon’s last blog post..unrest

  92. I laughed so hard, I peed. Thanks.

    Andi’s last blog post..Notes from the couch, Part II

  93. Oh, I wanna centaur shirt!

    Brandy’s last blog post..Title: Why I Am The Best Guest Blogger In The World

  94. The wine trick is cool, but I’m not a fan of red wine. Could he turn the water into a nice Chardonnay? Maybe? And instead of the loaves and fish can we have brie cheese and french bread? Yea…lets see THAT one, Jesus!

    Maddie’s last blog post..Weirdest.”Pick-up-line”.Ever

  95. Everyone knows that God wrote the Ten Commandments.

    No, wait. It was Moses.

    No, wait. It was J. Then E. That’s why there’s three versions.

    I’m SO going to get thrown out of the synagogue. Just before my son’s Bar Mitzvah, too.

    Damn. (No, wait. I probably already am).

    The Mother’s last blog post..The Rules Don’t Apply to Her!

  96. I’m thinking you need to donate your body to science. When they pop open your skull they’ll fall over backward as all of the crazy things come flying out.

    David’s last blog post..Chilly

  97. Twitter: Yet another way to “network” with your imaginary friends instead of doing something useful with your life.

    I’m in.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Slow News Day In Scotchland

  98. your the reason i twitter 🙂

  99. You are smoking hot in that tee – no wonder you have rainbows shooting out of your hooters.

    And I would hire you in a second.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Mom O Matic Stimulus Package

  100. So. When you twittered “Am I the only one that has a special ring tone for Chase’s credit card collections department? They call me more than anyone I know,” I @replied with something like, “Wow, I need a special ringtone for Gulf Coast Give Blood b.c they call me all the time.”

    And THEN! Five minutes later Give Blood twittered me and was like, “And now we’re following you!” I stared open mouthed b.c that’s totally not creepy.

    So I recover and write, “Wow Give Blood, too bad Comcast doesn’t respond so fast when I twitter about them. They’re probably scared (and should be).”

    TEN MINUTES. Ten minutes later Comcast is like, “Scared of what? :P” AND I scheduled-OVER TWITTER-a real live Comcast person to come out and look at our crappy-can’t-believe-they-charge-for-this-shit service 2 days later. AND the guy showed up! Which, for Comcast must be some kind of record.

    And now our service is better and I guess it’s you I should be thanking.

    True story.

    la_florecita’s last blog post..Today was infinitely better than last Monday

  101. I. love. you.

    A lot.

    And I thought I wanted to make a custom Bloggess-as-Britney shirt last year for BlogHer, but now I want this one.

    Megan {Velveteen Mind}’s last blog post..Mardi Gras in Mississippi? Bed Racing, Ya’ll!

  102. I hate you because you make us love you.
    I don’t WANT to love you.

    Give us a goddamn choice Bitch!!

    Sharkey!’s last blog post..Insomnia

  103. The centaur bra camo totally works for you!

    Condo Blues’s last blog post..10 Easy Ways to Use Orange Peels

  104. You make my bad days.. funny

    L’s last blog post..This week

  105. wow! you are so thin! did you lose weight? of course the last picture i remember was the one with you wearing a sheet. not exactly the most flattering i guess!

    oh…and do houston people do tweetups? because if so i am totally missing out!

  106. You are really lucky that you have blog readers outside of Twitter. The only people who read my blog are my Twitter followers.

    Poor bastards.

    Memoirgirl’s last blog post..One For The Ages

  107. That t-shirt is amazing. And Twitter is my new religion so I’m pretty sure the 10 commandments are written in the twitterverse somewhere. 🙂

  108. I have recently become addicted to your blog. I think it was the Meth that caught my attention and I have been hooked ever since.
    And I am not gay (not that that’s a bad thing) but from the pics you are kinda hot…I would so do you…I am always down to try new things…

  109. So with the whole supergalactic light coming from your left side, I’d say this shirt screams more that you are a card carrying member of the Glittery Titterati.

    amanda’s last blog post..Yo-ga Abbie Abbie

  110. This is awesome! Clearly I need to be making my own Twitter shirt. Well… maybe when my numbers are a little better.

    TexasRed’s last blog post..Paved With Good Intentions

  111. Did you also add the shirt’ black rings around your neck and arms? Because they kind of look drawn on. It is very odd.

    chirky’s last blog post..Confession: I Judge You By Your Cutlery

  112. 112
    Just A. Reader

    Pssst … Chirky … the whole shirt is Photoshopped on. That’s actually one of Jenny’s famous nude self-portraits.

  113. You are the highlight of my Twittering experience. Seriously. All those people who Twitter about SEO this and links to “important” news stuff are blah! Your Tweets have me rolling!

    Summer’s last blog post..I’m dating a freak

  114. Um, if I was Jesus, I would make rainbows shoot out of both of my boobs…ALL of the time.

    Maddie’s last blog post..And I thought Little Debbie was a snak-pak whore. She’s got nothing on these girls!

  115. Wait…there are still job interviews?!

  116. […] #5 – If you have five free minutes in the day, you should be spending it with Jenny The Bloggess. Because she is TEH FUNNY, people. I would not […]

  117. Twittering – you’re doing it right.

    The Bloggess doesn’t Twitter, Twitter Bloggesses. Or something like that.

    Anyway. You rock.

  118. Does putting the number of twitter followers you have on your resume count as leadership experience? I think it should.

    Dani’s last blog post..The counter-argument for the idea that good ideas come to you in the shower…

  119. I laughed so hard reading this post I woke up my ferret. Now I can’t get dressed.

  120. Fabulous!!!

  121. @BrentO I need a shirt so I too can have rainbows coming out of my left breast!

  122. I would like to be your #2. Wait – that sounds like I want to be your poo. I suggest making shorts vs. shirts.

    Vanessa’s last blog post..Thin Mints Dense Mom

  123. Dude! I love that shirt. Really. And you look so thin…have you lost weight? Anyhoo, ADORE your tweets!

  124. God bless you people. Sadly, I have not lost weight. It’s an optical illusion from the flash. The shirt is a large and I fill it completely.

  125. Hey, I just followed you. I can’t wait for all your pearls of wisdom. 😉

    Amber’s last blog post..Beauty out of Chaos

  126. I can’t believe I’m missing those Tweets. Must set reminder to sign on every morning.

    WM’s last blog post..Ahh, the joy of teenagers…

  127. Dude. Centaurs are hot.
    I don’t establish my worth based on my Twitter followers, but I would totally wear that t-shirt.

  128. You crack me up! Love the shirt photo!!!

    Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)’s last blog post..5 Minutes for Faith

  129. “The shirt is a large and I fill it completely.”

  130. I don’t get the importance of Twitter. Why do people love it? Mostly I just want to turn my devices off so I can take a nap (or play Left4Dead) undisturbed. Why would I want even *more* witty commentary when I don’t have time to read what’s already out there?

    P.S. – I don’t like ponies.

    Red Flashlight’s last blog post..A Toast and a Smile

  131. “I love that shirt. Really… ADORE your tweets!”

    Again, there should be something HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE about this comment. If only I could remember what it is…

    Jenny’s next book: “How to get that high-paying job you always wanted!”


    Ed T.’s last blog post..When Food Attacks!

  132. That’s some major rainbow power you’ve got there. You’re like a superhero or something. Not sure how you’d fight crime with that, though.

    Steve’s last blog post..Tasteless

  133. I’m pretty sure Jesus was involved in the commandments, since all three of those guys are also supposed to be one.

    Also, my mom thinks Jesus wrote the Constitution too- thats why we should still pray in schools. True story.

    Prosy’s last blog post..AAAAAHHH real horses!

  134. […] a week.  First, TheBloggess is seen on the intertubez wearing one of my custom Twitter t-shirts (okay, okay, I sent it to her […]

  135. That was the greatest thing I have ever read.

  136. And this is why I love you. With my whole heart.

  137. Actually, Jesus does track semen emissions. Follow this awesome Bible story:

    Once upon a time (that’s how Bible stories start, right?), there was a chick named Tamar. Tamar was married to some asshole. But God doesn’t like assholes, so he murdered him (it’s probably not accurate to describe a God-rendered death as murder, but whatever).

    Now, because this was the Old Testament and everything was wack, Tamar had to marry the asshole’s brother. The brother apparently dug on the vajayjay but not on babies, and this being before the time of Trojan Man, he took to “spilling his seed on the ground” which is the probably the oddest description of withdraw anywhere in the King James Bible. Or only. I dunno.

    ANYWHO. So this dude is there, just cumming on the ground and GOD STRAIGHT UP MURDERS HIM. For pulling out!

    So the story goes on from there and Tamar ends up pretending to be a prostitute (how do you pretend that?) and getting impregnated by her father-in-law and other Jerry Springeresq situations unravel.

    Long story not so long, Jesus totally cares about semen and if you fuck it up HE WILL KILL YOU. Or not. Guess it depends on his mood.

    And people think the Bible is boring. Psh.

  138. you make me feel so… un-funny. damn you! 🙂

  139. others have noted this already, but regardless of the useful information, you should wear that shirt a lot because it makes you look great. just sayin…

    Mike G’s last blog post..grovernorman: his brain cramp is my free snickers: E10 on the vending machine is not E-1-0, that gets you E1. I’ve done that before, so I’m sympathetic.

  140. Unicorn? Bra strap? What bra strap? All I see are boobs. Beautiful, beautiful boobs.

    Memphis Steve’s last blog post..Hamilton Island Great Barrier Reef Contest

  141. you on Twitter is like butter on toast.. minus the artery clogging factor.. or not.. cause you know, you’ve probably clogged Twitter once or twice with all your awesome Tweets.. bring on the fail whale, I say. die happy.

    love the rainbow boob, where can I get one??

    churchpunkmom’s last blog post..Favorite Music Friday – MxPx Edition

  142. Or… Instead of putting your twitter resume on your boobs, you could just put boobs on your twitter resume. That way you don’t get all stinky from wearing the same shirt. Yeah, always thinking.

  143. 143
    skinny malinky

    To make sure that shirt stays relevant, you should block new people from following you. Then, whenever someone stops following you, you should track them down and try to talk them out of it. If they still refuse to keep following you, you should impress them with your boob rainbow.

    If they don’t see mthe awesomeness in that, shoot them with your vagina laser. That’ll teach them.

  144. Sooooo…I’ve had your blog on my favorites for a bit thanks to Jen Lancaster and I was just perusing the list and decided to read your blog.

    Gotta say dude, your shit’s funny as hell. I can only hope that one day I have a blog half as snarky as yours. Only I think I’ll pass on the kid. Although, if I ever have a kid, I can guarantee I’ll be joining your ranks of F-Bomb Droppers United. The word is just too good to give up forever.

    But I digress. The point is that I find you awesome, and your twitters are what hours of wasted on-line time were made for. 🙂

  145. Hi woman. I never get to visit you anymore. I’ve missed ya.

    Ok. My husband just looked over my shoulder. He thinks you have “a great rack” and he really likes the rainbow. He wants me to ask how I can get one too. (He wants to know if I need to eat a bowl of lucky charms or something?) Ok. Maybe this is funny only if you’ve had about 3 Vo and Diet Cokes? Oy. Men.

  146. i don’t think i’ve ever been here. yet somehow, we’re friends on facebook. not sure about twitter. so…hi. you’re pretty funny. i might come back…if you get me one of those really cool t-shirts 🙂

  147. I hope it’s cool with you that a D.C. faggot is TOTALLY in love with you. O.k.

  148. Oh how I love that shirt. 800 kinds of awesome.

    Your Twitter updates make my shitty work days much better.

  149. It could be worse. You could have been arguing about which vagina a rainbow was shoot from and got it wrong…

    … and just to be clear, I don’t know what that means, but I don’t like the sound of it!

    Or maybe I do… I don’t know anymore. I think I should stop drinking.

    Mr Sketchy’s last blog post..Old Friends…

  150. Crap… shoot was meant to be “shooting”.

    I REALLY should stop drinking, I gotta go to work tomorrow…

    Mr Sketchy’s last blog post..Old Friends…

  151. If you are a member of the “M****F*****G TWITTERATI”, does that make you a lesbian? Just wondering.


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Reading Aloud is a Pain to the AAS

  152. I LOVE your blog – I routinely end up snorting with laughter.

    I’m commenting ’cause I happen to be a chemist that works on treatments for RA, and just wanted to let you know that your meds are totally appropriate, unfortunately named, but absolutely the standard of care for someone in your state.

    Methylprednisone is a steroid that should reduce the swelling in your feet (FYI “Meth” is methylephedrine – now your comments are gonna get all kinds of tags!). Tumor necrosis factor (TNF for short) is one of the worst names ever given to a protein; that medicine has nothing to do with chemotherapy.

    Rest (hopefully) assured that, by giving you a TNF inhibitor, your MD has put you on one of the most advanced RA therapies out there. Even if this one doesn’t work, there are two other classes of biologics that your rheumatologist may try. So, try and take it as easy as possible, call that MD if you’re not getting relief, and good luck!

    Yours in Science,

  153. awesome shirt!! (:

    Kyle Webs’s last blog post..Shopping Day

  154. so you can’t cross your fingers, maybe you could cross your labia? just a suggestion….

  155. […] blame The Bloggess for my new addiction – it was this post she wrote which made me laugh so hard I snorted.  A lot.  At work.  And yes, people saw.  And […]

  156. I used a picture of a centaur that looked exactly like that to draw a picture of a boy I was seeing as a centaur (there’s a joke about how he’s a centaur). When I gave it to him, beaming at my work and thinking how funny I was, he was all, “*nervous chuckle* That’s awesome and…kind of creepy.” I felt like stabbing him because I realized how it could be seen as creppy and I was grumpy that I never realized it before. But then he fell in love with me so I didn’t stab him and we live together now. He now gets to see me be creepy on a daily basis. HA! I win!

  157. Jenny, YOU’RE NOT FAT. KEEP SAYING THAT AND I WILL BEAT YOU WITH A STICK. With tons of love of course.

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