It’s like a cross between being insulted and entertained. I’m insultained.

Remember last week when I told you I was switching to Youdata because they pay you to look at ads that are based on your specific personality test and then like two minutes later they sent me ads for tampon flashdrives?  So a few minutes ago I found 3 new ads in my queue.  One for tea.  One for pretty things that I totally want. And one for butt cream.   Swear to God.

PS.  This isn’t a real post.  I just can’t fit it into 140 characters to twitter it.

UPDATE:  Oh holy shit, y’all.  Forget the butt cream.  The butt cream was just a  subtle prelude:

“For shaving.”

Please, God, tell me I’m not the only one who got sent this link.

Comment of the day: I must not be fancy enough for coochy shaving cream because my coochy is fine with regular old Barbasol. I have a laid-back coochy. ~ The Introvert

119 thoughts on “It’s like a cross between being insulted and entertained. I’m insultained.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. When comparing my need for butt cream to coochy cream I don’t know which one I’d rather…or need…or even want….erm, yeah. It shall have to remain a modern day mystery.

  2. I’m on YouData and canNOT figure out how the hell you are getting this stuff because aren’t they supposed to be based on those surveys you fill out so WHAT DID YOU SAY IN THOSE SURVEYS?? From what I remember, there aren’t even places to write in your own answers!!

    Ally B’s last blog post..Symptomatic

  3. I’ve never received an ad for it, but if it’s the same “Coochy” that Pure Romance sells, man, that’s the absolute BEST stuff I’ve ever shaved with, legs, pits or bikini. Best ever.

    HellTygr’s last blog post..2009 Home Show Stunner

  4. Ok, so you got me. I had to go and look at the website, and for whatever reason the “Embarrassing Ailments” section caught my eye. What could be that embarrassing?

    How about an enema bag/douche combination? Really? You WANT to combine those — ever?!?

    Thanks for my daily dose of “ew”. You’re the best.

    Mikki’s last blog post..No I’m not.

  5. Alarmingly, I own this. It was purchased in a moment of weakness at a sex toy party. I have no other rationale.

  6. I totally know someone who uses this. She bought it from her aunt who runs one of those sex toy party things. Anyway, she swears by it and her husband seems like a happy man.

  7. Awesome. My husband used to get this exact shave cream from his friend that does Passion Parties (sex toys) for shaving his chest way back when we first met. I convinced him hairy’s much better. But I used it to shave my legs, etc. Really quite a nice product!

    Amy’s last blog post..One More for Today

  8. And here I always thought it was spelled “coochie” with an “ie.” You know, like “cookie” or “nookie.”

  9. Yours for only $124.88! Femtone – A Set of Vaginal Weights for Kegel Exercises

    Everyone needs more exercise!

    Yeah, I got the shopinprivate.com ad too…

    a’s last blog post..Ponies

  10. OMG, my husband loves this stuff, which he utilizes to shave his -AHEM- lower unit. I won it at a sex toy party. Which is always attended by women. But face it..don’t the guys totally benefit the most from sex toy parties? So shouldn’t they have to arrange for the sitter, feed the kids, and then attend, AAANNNDDD have to do all the gyrating banana-between-the-knees party games too? With all the attendant stress of knowing too much about your PTA friends, and worrying that you left the iron on, or that Baby Louie is teething and the sitter is busy ignoring his cries while texting her boyfriend??? AAAHHHGGGHHH! I think I need some wine. Thank you very much.

  11. OH MY SHIT. I just got the ad for Coochy Shaving Cream. I take back my previous comment… we’re all being monitored by YouData and they are now officially fucking with me.

    Ally B’s last blog post..Symptomatic

  12. Why do people keep telling you how wonderful your Coochy is? I feel so deeply wronged. I can’t even get pie.

  13. Holy moly! That site also has Anal Bleaching Cream for $9.99. They let you know that a salon bleaching would be $100!! Do it yourself ladies … or invite a neighbor over for precision bleaching. You don’t want to get that stuff in your cooter. It may burn.

    Whoa! Also an Oral Sex Trainer and Liquid Virgin Drops that’ll tighten you! Haaa!!

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Thongs To The Rescue!

  14. At first you think only a man could create such, but then when you get to the Monistat…you suddenly realize, that was a co-sexual collaborative effort!!

  15. You totally could have gotten that into Twitter! Here is what I just typed in for you that would have fit…

    Youdata ads to be viewed = 1 for tea, 1 for pretty things I totally want and 1 for butt cream. 1 Coochie cream coming up. No pun intended.

    Hahahaa…OMG I crack myself up. With my own joke thrown in for fun.

    Ahhh, coochie cream jokes…just can’t get enough of them. I guess I left out the shaving part in there. Dammit!

    So Not Mom-a-licious’s last blog post..This is Cheese-tastic!

  16. I used to sell it. When I left the company, I bought 5 for myself so I could still use my employee discount!It is great stuff.

  17. I can vouch for the Coochy shave cream! I just to be one of “those ladies” Bobbie Magee was talking about, hocking sex toys at adult parties – Coochy was a huge seller. And much less embarrassing than going for a Brazilian, right?

    Malibu Niki’s last blog post..the subliminal mindfuck America

  18. Will someone explain to me the etymology of “coochie” and how it went from a repeated word in a nonsense phrase ending with “coo” oft spoken by adults in order to tease a smile out of a fleshy, tight-lipped baby to suddenly meaning… um… er… oh. I think I just figured it out.

    Never mind.

  19. Shaving cream – For shaving *snort*

    I already used ‘insultained’ once today at work but people just looked at me strangely.

    But I laughed so hard a peed a little, which, come to think of it, could be why they were look at me strangely…

    Jelly’s last blog post..Stating the Obvious Saturday.

  20. They clearly have a formed a very good picture of your randomness. To be fair, advertising can be a bit random. But think about these people who came up with the concept for “coochie shaving cream” and the tampon flash drive.. I mean, were they just sitting in the office and went “oh, I know what I really, really want. I know what I’ll do!”

    Who the hell is mental enough to come up with these things?!

    And Anal Bleaching? wtf?

    Luv Luv

    xx

    Selaen’s last blog post..Blogging world

  21. Possibly Youdata picked up on all your Wolverine comments earlier, because he would be kinda hairy and all, and might need some of that shaving cream for… um… you know….

  22. For what it’s worth, I got the add for vaginal weights, too. Which could possibly come in handy, if, y’know, I had one of them new-fangled vaginas.

    That said, the customer reviews in the Sex Toys For Men section are quite illuminating:

    “Feels great, but tears after a few uses.”

    I’m intrigued.

    Evn’s last blog post..Attack of the 50 Foot Ego

  23. I was at Walgreens the other day and saw “special” sized razors for shaving your hoohoo. They were tiny.

  24. I must not be fancy enough for coochy shaving cream because my coochy is fine with regular old Barbasol. I have a laid-back coochy.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..crush

  25. Huh. It’s only showing me Star Wars action figures and decorations appropriate for my mom’s basement. Maybe our browsing habits are different.

  26. Jenny,

    You n]make my day everyday will have your hilarious crap. I have been reading your blog for years, that along with xanax and tequila have me rolling on the floor. I have huge favor to ask, I have a friend whose 11 yr old son whos in TCH under toatl life support, I would love to hve you give them a shout out and ask for prayers, especialyy your readership is awesome. Keeping ti real I attach my drop by and tell me what you think. Pat

    oat’s last blog post..Sadness beyond compare.

  27. At least you’re getting PAID to see the kind of “enlarge your member” adds most of us have to see for free in our inboxes.

    P.S. “I can’t read my nametag” please stay far, far away from my baby! lol, that’s just wrong.

    EdenSky’s last blog post..Mother/Daughter time, old-school.

  28. So I went to the site and found this:

    Coochy shave is a extra gentle shaving cream that can be used for pubic shaving and other private areas.

    I immediately freaked out thinking it was for shaving in public and in private. I was going to make a comment about people who shave in public but didn’t want to open another can of worms.

    Dingo’s last blog post..The Health Department Is Even Afraid Of This Place

  29. I got anal bleaching cream. Shit you not. Pun may or may not be intentional. Ok it was. Beat that. biotch.

  30. EdenSky, what you don’t see in my comment above is the google-search between “um” and “er” where I learned that the two uses are likely unrelated, the first possibly a gentle bastardization of a Welsh word meaning “to cuddle” and the second a term from a controversial segment in the Vagina Monologues called “The Little Coochie Snorcher That Could.”

    I probably should have included that information in my comment above but I was distracted by one of Jenny’s earlier blogposts and forgot.

    So technically, it’s not my fault. I blame Jenny’s giant labia…

  31. I have that shave cream (*for shaving). Two bottles actually. And if you read the back of the bottle, they totally recommend putting it in your hair (on your head – just thought I should clarify) to use as conditioner. I haven’t actually tried it that way, but to use it as shaving cream (*for shaving), it actually works pretty well. I’m not sure how well it would work on giant labia’s but it’s worth a shot.

  32. Keep your eye out for Anti-Monkey Butt Powder. One of the kids found it in the store and had to show it to me.

    I think I am going to start signing up for that for the entertainment value alone.

    WickedStepMom’s last blog post..Survival

  33. At least they didn’t send you this one:

    “Pills that might make your penis larger (for a few hours)”

    The one I liked best, though, was this:

    “Anal Bleaching Cream”

    *ewwww* Who’s looking, anyway?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Welcome to Spring Break 2009!

  34. DONT USE THE COOCHIE SAVE CREAM.

    I bought some out of the advice of a friend who has HERPES–no lie– and she told me it would not irratate me or anything and I’d be smooth..she also told me it doubled as a conditioner..ok..

    It made me so fn itchy and irratated me so badly! Don’t use it..it’s a lie!

  35. Seriously busted out laughing when I saw this. I was like, is that Coochy Cream? A few years ago, one of my friends had approached a guy about what he used to shave his head since it’s a fairly sensitive area and he needed to shave almost every day. He got all embarrassed and told her Coochy Cream. She asked where to get it, and went to get some, tried it on the advertised location and also on her legs. No razor burn. And she got horrible razor burn regularly. She converted nearly all of her friends, but I sadly never got around to getting myself some.

  36. I do not shave my vagina bald but now that I’m middle-aged I have noticed that the hair that some call “pubic” and expect to be confined to the area more or less immediately around the vagina, has become ambitious and is striking out for new territory further south. Therefore, in an attempt not to gross out everybody at the beach, I have some aggressive pubic-hair-tending duties that take me from the “bikini line” out about three inches. Ugh. And I am a delicate, delicate woman, so this usually leaves me with razor bumps, which further leaves me with the important decision — is it worse to show the kiddies my aggressive pubic hair making a break for freedom around the edges of my suit, OR to show them the hideous red-and-puss-engorged scars of razor bumps, OR do I need to become a devotee of some misogynist religion so I can’t wear a bathing suit any more? So I may try this coochy-shaving cream in the hopes that it will alleviate the razor bumps and allow me to die of skin cancer, which just seems better to me than the alternative, which is probably being stoned to death by my fellow-ultra-conservative-religionists for continuing to read this dirty blog.

    But enough about my pubic/leg hair. A couple of people have mentioned the Kegels in these comments, but COYLY. And I want to know, DO THEY WORK?!!? And by “work” I think I’m expecting two things — first, women who tend to leak a bit find they’ve got better bladder control, and second, women have better orgasms. And I guess there’s also supposed to be this additional set of Thai-prostitute coochy-dexterity skills you develop, of being able to shoot ping-pong balls from your vagina and open beer bottles with it and things like that, but I am NOT asking whether Kegels work for that, I would prefer to keep working in IT, where manual dexterity is sufficient. Just the no-more-involuntary-peeing (not a problem I have yet, by the way, but given the tenor of a lot of the “You’re so funny I just peed my pants!” kind of comments you get here, I’m thinking some of your readers might consider whether it’s a problem THEY have) and the better, longer orgasms part (which — hey, I don’t think I need to explain why that part is of interest to women everywhere).

    So — do they work?!!!? I want deets.

  37. So, I also bought some of this at a party I went to. Love it.

    5 year old saw it in teh shower. Who taught that kid to read, anyway?

  38. I thought coochy was spelled coochie. I don’t know if you should trust them. It might turn your nether regions red or something.

    Or make you smell like bananas.

    Either way, I wouldn’t chance it.

    At least they didn’t send you hemmoroid cream…oh except they did.

    Nevermind.

    Ashley’s last blog post..My New Birth Plan

  39. I’m not sure there is enough in there for your giant-sized super hero labia. At least they are proactive, though, because the butt cream reduces the chaffing from the labia curlers.

  40. I have the shave cream, its awesome. I have to admit that I removed the label though….mostly because I started using it in college and that’s not something I care to have in a community bathroom.

  41. Hmm..

    1. Coochie is with an IE.
    2. Kegel weights? Can’t I just use something from around the house like they tell you to do with canned veggies for your arms?
    3.I must order this product. It will go on the shelf with the other things I bought purely for the stupid packaging or the weird name.
    Like the colon clenser with a line drawing of your colon on it.
    and this stuff http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/

    amy’s last blog post..What drugs is the guy at the A & P on?

  42. You now have an obligation to your loyal readers to shave one side of your giant labia with Coochy Shave Cream and the other with Barbasol and let us know how it goes.

    You owe us, Jenny.

  43. I like that they felt like they had to specify that it is “for shaving”. I’m wondering who used it wrong and what they used it FOR.

  44. Like Sharon O, I also got a link to kegel weights at shopinprivate.com. What she didn’t mention were the various links on the same page to: ManDelay – Premature ejaculation cream, Americaine Hemorrhoidal Ointment That Numbs, and various nose hair trimmers.

    Oh yeah, I’m insulted. Now please excuse me, while I purchase lambskin condoms and peruse the phermonal perfumes.

    ick.

  45. yes, coochie shave cream does work very well, finally bought a bottle at a sex toy party after hearing so many people rave about it. The stuff lives up to the hype.

  46. I found you through Cecily’s blog (Uppercase Woman). I just have to say that I am laughing so hard reading some of your stuff that I’m literally crying. My 4 year old keeps looking at me like I’m nuts and asking if I’m Ok and if his Optimus Prime will make me feel better. Thank you for writing this blog. Can’t wait to read more!

  47. I would also like to add that Nad’s is the best coochie hair removal product on the market, especially for those of us with sensitive skin.

    Just sayin’

  48. Oy. I think you’ll soon get ads on special lubricated gloves, just for fisting. Wow. If they are choosing ads based on keywords on your blog, you can expect a lot worse.

    I feel for you. No, really, I do. This here? Is not a real snicker. Nope.

    Elisa’s last blog post..Watchmen against insomnia, 1-0

  49. CheezeWhiz!!—That site has everything a person needs for a three day camping adventure!!
    I’m Impressed !!!

    The stripper pole would come in especially helpful to put the food where the raccoons couldn’t get at it, and the lovely instructional book on “how to do it” would probably make rigging up a solar-heated shower a cinch!!!

    What a great site for campers!!!!

  50. Dear Sirs, Madams,
    Do you have to change your name to use that shaving cream?

    I mean, if you’re already named Coochy, it’s a given, OK, but what if you’re called Bridget or Ralph or RapperLi’lHotThang?—–isn’t this some kind of problem?

    Kindest regards,
    Confused in Kentucky

  51. I have to say I am a believer in the choochy cream stuff. It works really well (for shaving anyway, the whole use it for conditioner thing is a bit of a stretch). But I do suggest removing the label if you
    A)have small children learning to read
    b)a husband who’s sense of humor never matured past junior high
    c)you shower at the gym every morning (man those beotches at 24 hour fitness should mind their own shower stall, ok maybe they were just all looking ’cause I smuggled the crap in in my towel like it was a bomb or something). Nuff said

  52. I am doing a focus group for razors ($100 woot!) and on the questionnaire is asked if I use any of the following shaving creams and one of them was Coochy Cream and I was so horrified I said to the 3 other girls “There’s a product named COOCHY CREAM!?!?!” and now here it is on your blog. Ew.

  53. I’ve had a few friends send Coochy to there husbands serving in the middle east to help with the irritation they were getting when shaving. Amazingly it works really well.

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