I think I got a pig heart in the mail. UPDATE: No, it’s a dog sleeping bag.

I know I said I’d have more info on the People’s Party today but apparently I’m a big fat liar.  Instead I’m going to show you a screenshot of my email.  Please keep in mind that all of these emails are from real people and are not spam. (Click to enlarge.)

Also, I just got a package from the girl who sent the email with the subject line “Pig heart in the mail”.  I’m afraid to open it so I’m going to post this and if I don’t post an update it’s probably because I’m dead.  

PS. I want to be buried in a giant pile of marshmallows instead of a coffin because it’s cheaper and also ecologically sound.  And mourners could eat them while they mourn and no one can cry eating marshmallows and someone would do that thing where they try to stick the most marshmallows in their mouth and they’d choke to death and then I could be buried with that person, like I’m some kind of marshmallow pharaoh.  Also I’d like to have a pony buried with me in case they don’t have cars in heaven.

UPDATE:  Opened the first layer of packaging.  Contains brown paper packages tied up with string.  Except the brown paper packages have robots drawn on them.

UPDATE 2:  First package contains buttons with angry lego crossdressers on them.  Also a bag to put dirty underwear in.  True story. 

UPDATE 3:  Opened the second package from pig-heart lady.  It’s a sleeping bag for Barnaby Jones.  And it’s awesome.  For me.  He hates it.

UPDATE 4:  Fuck.  It’s a duvet, which apparently means “bed cover”.  So I’m supposed to stick old underwear and towels in the first sack and then put the duvet over it and it makes a dog bed.  Which is awesome.  Except that I don’t have any old towels or underwear.

UPDATE 5:  I mean, I have underwear…just not enough to fill an entire dog duvet with.

UPDATE 6:  Problem solved.  I stuffed the duvet with a car battery.  Awesome.

UPDATE 7:  Dog refused to get on duvet.  Instead I stuffed the duvet with bag of wire hangers I was going to send back to the cleaners.

UPDATE 8:  This dog is an asshole.

UPDATE 9:  Okay, I took all the hangers out and when I walked back in the room the dog had put himself back in the bag. He looks very proud of himself.  The cats are giving me a look like “we totally warned you”.  They totally didn’t.  These cats are assholes too.

UPDATE 10:  Me: I HAVE NOTHING TO PUT IN THIS DUVET TO MAKE IT LOOK NORMAL.  Victor:  How about the dog’s old bed?  Me:  I hate everyone in this house.

Comment of the day: Look at that poor dog. If ever a dog needed Snuggie sleeves. ~ Steam me up, kid

128 replies. read them below or add one

  1. my mommy taught me not to play with my food or eat food that has been mummifying dead people….unless of course those mallows are served with grahams and chocolate. in which case, i’ll make an exception.

    Maddie’s last blog post..It’s hump day. I believe I’m due for a good rant.

  2. dude. This is so very odd. Yr my favorite. Why is Truant calling you a motherfucker. I’m all pissed at him.

    amy’s last blog post..The press. They’re callin’ me the "Big Daddy of Punk"

  3. They don’t have cars in heaven they have clouds. I think it’s sweet you are banking on that ticket into heaven just because you went to Jesus Camp.

    Ryan’s last blog post..Dear Foxbury – Letter FOUR

  4. Your inbox looks like my spam folder.

    James’s last blog post..We Attempt To Brighten Your Cloudy Day

  5. You won’t need a transporation. All those meds also help you fly in heaven.

    always home and uncool’s last blog post..My Blogoversary — Exposed!

  6. I think you’ve started a giant labia trend. Am looking forward to the post where you go into Subway and they call out your order for Ms. G. Labia!

    Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..A Very Special Night at the Opry

  7. Hey, where do you live? I’m coming to visit you and get some of whatever it is your are smoking and if you could get Nancy to meet us there, we could have one awesome party at your ours and we maybe smoke some of whatever it is that you get to smoke before you come up with this stuff, lol, or you can come to Alabama, that would really be a hoot

    Jerri Ann’s last blog post..Parenting Sites 411

  8. The People’s Party and marshmallow coffins aside, your e-mail folder names are truly inspired. And how did you manage to mold your life in such a way as to require an entire folder devoted to e-mails re: free booze? Any tips you might be able to offer would be appreciated as I am sick and tired of paying for my own booze.

    Lesley’s last blog post..And By "Soon" I Mean Before The Second Coming Of Jesus (WHO TOTALLY LOVES THIS BLOG, BY THE WAY)

  9. yeah… graham crackers, marshmallows, chocolate chips and FIRE!!


  10. Short time reader… first time commenter…

    Your inbox is freakin’ awesome. Take a picture of whatever came in the box.

    Mel’s last blog post..Feed Me!

  11. Leigh? Free Xanax Leigh? EMAIL ME.

    (Unless there’s a chance I already know you – I do know a heavily medicated Leigh- and your idea of ‘free’ is not my idea of free, Ms. Grabby Hands!)

    (But, whatever, go ahead and email me, too.)

    Joey’s last blog post..drinking when I should be sleeping, sleeping when I should be waking up

  12. Wait, why are you dying? Are pig hearts deadly? I cant imagine why they would be unless you eat it or its really a bomb. Its probably a good idea not to eat random animal body parts that you get in the mail (just as a general rule) and if it was really a bomb the email would probably be titled “the exploding pig heart in the mail” …unless its all part of a plot to kill you. Although if it was a plot to kill you shes doing a pretty shitty job at it since I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to email the target and let them know the bomb is coming…or pig heart…or whatever.

    Liz Stabbert’s last blog post..Slideshow 2

  13. Way cool. I had to teach 4th graders how to dissect a pig heart once. Everyone had a great time. If you get it, ship it to me and I’ll do a tutorial.

    The Mother’s last blog post..Mothers of Older Children

  14. Why a pony not a Pegasus? Everyone knows ponies can’t fly.

    Califmom’s last blog post..Comments are Curative: The Village Voice

  15. That pig heart thing sounds cool, but then you’re supposed to send a $1 to like 12 people and it turns out to be a pain.

    Wendy’s last blog post..Well, Doc, lately I get these pounding headaches.

  16. Marshmallows. Awesome.

    Where the hell were you and your great ideas before I buried my grandmother last week?

    Chookooloonks’s last blog post..that someone else was just on oprah

  17. Chubby bunny.

    The marshmallow game…hopefully not what’s in the box….

    My inbox isn’t nearly as “interesting”. I’m either doin’ something very right or very wrong.

    Robin ~ PENSIEVE’s last blog post..What if you were so hungry, the lion in your stomach stopped growling?

  18. I ate a chicken heart once. It’s the other not so appropriate white meat.

  19. 19
    Willendorf Venus

    Well, those are definitely the best subject lines evah. Have you decided what the music and the appetizers will be for your funeral, yet? I am working on the guest list for mine. Wanna come?

  20. I would like to sleep in a bed of ladies underwear but they keep telling me I can’t when security throws me out of Victoria’s Secret every week.

    Kurt’s last blog post..Questioning The Answers: Week Four

  21. Fucking. Awesome.

    I love you so much I just joined Twitter…

    I NEED to know what’s in that box. I am kind of compulsive like that…

    Jelly’s last blog post..Teething Rings & Cock Rings – Can YOU tell the difference? Huh?

  22. No pig heart? WTF? Check the invoice and make sure you didn’t get charged for a pig heart.

  23. yessss, your dog is an asshole, but in a good way. i’m not disappointed, which is awesome.

    pig heart sender’s last blog post..diana f+++

  24. Oh sure. You take a screenshot of your inbox just before I was going to send you an email. I missed my chance to be immortalized. (sigh)

    Steve’s last blog post..Pizza

  25. Is there something wrong with the doggie’s eyes?

    Young Werther’s last blog post..Livin’ down under

  26. I can totally see how you would think that was a pig heart. Don’t pigs have, like, thirty minute orgasms? My neighbor has a pig valve in her heart. I’ll have to ask her if she’s noticed a difference.

    derfina’s last blog post..The Story Behind The Song

  27. He’s a pug. All pugs have weird eyes. I considered photoshopping them so they’d point in the same direction but that seemed weird.

  28. 28
    Just A. Reader

    When I die, will you deliver the eulogy and cover me with marshmallow creme? And then set me on fire. I want to be cremated, but I always figured it had to happen in one of those creepy ovens. But wouldn’t it be cool to just be coated with marshmallow creme and set ablaze in front of all the mourners or partiers or indifferent passers-by?

  29. Why the fuck are you using sqmail? Gmail, Yahoo, Outlook, Thunderbird, all better options that will allow you to categorize and harass your readers.

    One Love.

    Eddie Lynn’s last blog post..Respect Due – Staten (Go Hard)

  30. Based on the much more interesting subject lines you posted here, I’m extrememly flattered that you opened my email at all, much less responded and sent me a sweet Jesus-related video link.

    Andrea’s Sweet Life’s last blog post..Who Takes Their Kids to a Cannibal?

  31. holy shit, you named your pug Barnaby Jones? that is fucking great… i need to watch Frisky Dingo again soon.

    furiousBall’s last blog post..hair done did

  32. My 3 year old said “wow, I want that button because it’s really funny because it’s got the girl pink clothes on it”

    Then she said “what’s that?” and I said that it was her leg and she laughed and said “is that really a leg for real? or is that a butt?!”

    she then walked off laughing “that’s a butt mom!”


    @ElizabethPW’s last blog post..ElizabethPW: feeling that rebellious anti-work lethargy coming on, so I’m signing off & closing the laptop for the night. later my peeps!

  33. it makes me chuckle that you’re still blogging without pants.

  34. I wish I got enough email about free booze to make it an inbox folder… even if it was super sketchy and involved directions to meet people in remote places alone. It’s the thought that counts?

    Dani’s last blog post..If i were a woodland creature spring cleaning would be like deforestation, right?…

  35. Sometimes when you live in San Francisco, you hang out with inappropriate lesbians who decide that a potluck dinner full of people who don’t know each other is a good place to explain that the easiest way for a woman to pee standing up is to use a fashion a “tube” out of the center of the top of a Cool Whip tub.

    I wonder if that’s what your email from ~Jamie~ said.

    kristy’s last blog post..I’m Leaving San Francisco, But I’m Pretty Sure My Heart Is Coming With Me (Part III)

  36. I love that Guy Kawasaki is asking for a favor.

    Or were YOU asking HIM for a favor and he’s responding….hmmmmm.

    amo’s last blog post..I told you he was good…

  37. Holy hell!

    You’ve got a spot in your mail for “PEOPLE I SHOULD STAB.”

    I applaud you.

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Rainbow Hair Down There

  38. P.S. I was all Huh? Create a MILF? and I thought your new ad was something kind of racy. But then I realized it says “MeFile” and I’m the one with issues.

    kristy’s last blog post..I’m Leaving San Francisco, But I’m Pretty Sure My Heart Is Coming With Me (Part III)

  39. I would set your body on a pyre and we could roast the marshmallows over your corpse. This would mean that you died doing a good deed, and besides, everybody knows roasted marshmallows taste better than plain ones that have been in the dirt.

    Jane’s last blog post..Is Pathetic the New Black?

  40. 40

    Maybe she could send a pig kidney. Paul needs one.

  41. I would like to read those emails from Nancy W. Kappes.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..I swear it’s all related

  42. I don’t understand why his falls under the Stalking Amy Sedaris category. This isn’t even about Amy Sedaris. And cats are assholes. That’s why we have them.

  43. It’s awesome that you want to bring a pony to heaven. You’re an optimist. That’s so cute.

    xoxo, SG

    ShallowGal’s last blog post..Shallow-land. A play in 3 scenes

  44. Does it need to be a live pony? Because I think that might be kind of mean.

    Momma Trish’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: ‘Cause I think I’m getting laryngitis anyway

  45. Now I’m paranoid. I’ve sent you mail that you’ve actually responded to. Did you file me into the folder of people you should stab? Or worse, did you just delete it?

    andy’s last blog post..Ashton Kutcher speaks for homosexuals?

  46. Maybe the duvet cover was made out of the pig heart!

    gingela5’s last blog post..Do You Know What’s Awesome…


  48. I wish my inbox looked like that. You emails are way more interesting than the British lotteries and penis enhancing emails I get. Especially the one about ninjas.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..beauty

  49. 49
    Michael in Seattle

    I sent you photos of the best dog bed in the world and you said your dog couldn’t have better furniture than you. Now I see this. I’m heartbroken. I could cry….

  50. oh, I came here cuz I thought you tweeted that your dog HAD an asshole- I remember the whole dog anatomy issues with belly buttons, earlobes and shit- I thought it was a continuation- my bad.

    tena’s last blog post..WTF Wednesday

  51. um,can you forward me that free xanax email? kthxbye

  52. Bwahahahaahah Your dog is one spoiled little dog. I want a damn duvet cover. You could bury a steak in it and watch him try to get to it. That would be fun, cept if you like steak and YOU wanted to eat it. Or, guess you could just put the asshole kitties in there and let him dig at them. Or something. I give up.

    Ashley’s last blog post..WFMW – Display your child’s artwork

  53. I think the cats probably stuffed the dog into the sack, just for kicks.

    EdenSky’s last blog post..My Hero

  54. If it’s around Easter time, we could use Peeps instead of plain marshmallows….

  55. A friend told me to read your blog because you’re funny. I’m sold. And that dog is incredibly adorable.

    Allie’s last blog post..A Visit From Our Favorite Reality TV Star

  56. Most cats are assholes at least a few times a day.

    Assertagirl’s last blog post..Kitchen Renovation Day 5

  57. here’s some ideas from other customers on what to fill the duvet with. like old dog beds (well done, victor), polyfill &/or crack needles.

  58. Oh my gosh… your dog is sooooo cute!!!
    My husband is constantly going on about how we need to get a pug.

    Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)’s last blog post..When You Wish Upon A Star…

  59. I think the real question here is: what is a stranger doing sending you a bag to put your dirty underwear in?

  60. Look at that poor dog. If ever a dog needed Snuggie sleeves…

    Steam me up, kid’s last blog post..I peed a little

  61. How big is the duvet? I could probably make a pillow to fit it.

    Gretchen’s last blog post..

  62. Your inbox organizational skills make me wanna be you… Except that I hate marshmallows. And coffins. And horses. But I do have plenty people that I could stab, so it just may work.

    Judith Shakespeare’s last blog post..When Captions Go Horribly Wrong… (A Wordless Wednesday)

  63. I WILL NOT EAT YOUR CORPSE MARSHMALLOWS. OK, unless, of course, there is hot chocolate at your funeral. Because who in hell drinks hot chocolate without marshmallows? Heathen, infidel, un-Americans, that’s who.

    Tracy Lynn’s last blog post..You Get Three Shots, In Case You Need A Ride, Or Some Heroin Or Something

  64. Oh my god, my dog is jealous she does not have a duvet. And I’m jealous I don’t have tranny Lego buttons.

    I must make friends who will send me “pig hearts” in the mail.

  65. Thank god you clarified that was cat coming out of the dog’s head. I just knew a fucking alien was jumping out at any moment.

    shonda’s last blog post..Fifty Years Old and the Broad’s Still Perfect

  66. I want my inbox to look like yours! Mine is completely boring and filled with spam. Plus, I want tranny Legos sent to me. And I agree that being buried in marshmallows is a GREAT idea. I’m positive my friends would eat them.

    Jules’s last blog post..The World Ends When the Ink Runs Out

  67. Bear use to send me e-mails with title’s like Monkey Knife Fighting. Now, he is just boring and sends me what day of the week it is. Kind of makes me said.

    Also, I am kind of disappointed that there was not a pig heart in there. But then, its early and I am feeling a bit morbid.

    WickedStepMom’s last blog post..Survival

  68. SAD… not said..

    See, I told you it was early!!!

    WickedStepMom’s last blog post..Survival

  69. Wholey shit – email from that bitch Nancy W. Kappes! Can you read them to the class?

  70. Your email filters must have a really hard time distinguishing your real mail from spam, no?

    –V’s last blog post..Jumping the gun a wee bit

  71. Putting pets in duvet covers is completely normal, don’t worry.

    Chris Wood’s last blog post..Isn’t One Life Enough?

  72. I wouldn’t mind it if your replies got crossed and I ended up with Nikol Hasler’s phone number.

  73. Would we be able to roast the marshmallows for s’mores? Cuz that’s the only way I eat marshmallows.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: Bud Light

  74. You should turn the duvet into huge novelty panties.

  75. That’s nowhere near as much fun as a pig heart, as your dog is obviously figuring out.

    But it is a little like when you get your kid a nice, new toy, and they like the box better.

    The Mother’s last blog post..Is modern life making women “Ignorant and Ill-equipped?’

  76. hmm i wonder what “favor” our bloggess asked of guy. then again, i probably don’t need to ask.

    highway’s last blog post..My Superbowl Picks

  77. Actually it was Guy asking me for a favor. Then I accused him of being in the Yakuza because that’s totally what the mafia does and told him that I wished Alltop had a feature that would let my write “NO ONE LIKES YOU, WHORE” on top of people’s feeds that I don’t like. He said no but he said it in a very friendly way for being a member of the Japanese mafia. If everyone had the sense of humor of Guy Kawasaki the world would be a much less angry place.

  78. 78
    The Isopteran King


  79. You could put a pig heart in the duvet. Oh wait, you don’t have one. Yet…

    Amy Rossi’s last blog post..Just Barely Has Moved!

  80. It is so perfect that you have a pug;-)

    Turnbaby’s last blog post..My Baby Meme

  81. What about having an open cremation and then let the mourners roast the marshmallows. Add some chocolate in there, how could anyone one be sad.

  82. Aw, you think you’re going to heaven. That’s precious.

    The Dead Acorn’s last blog post..Kirby’s Giggling

  83. You’re a nut.

  84. Sometimes I worry that my life is too boring. Then I come here to reassure myself that if it were even a bit more interesting I’d go completely bonkers. You are a true hero of interestingness-osity.

  85. You are hilarious! First time stopping by…

    Kelly’s last blog post..ARGGGHHHHH

  86. Jenny Lawson, you are the reason I live.

  87. I like that #74! Or-huge real panties for giant labia woman!

  88. “Don’t pigs have, like, thirty minute orgasms?”

    Dude…wouldn’t you want to be on the grant committee that saw that request?
    Hey! We’ve got a grant application from some jokers wanting to study pig orgasms!

    avonlea’s last blog post.."Hello, Kitty!"

  89. You’re totally a hero because I was about to duct tape a garbage bag over my head, but then I saw this post and that my email is still in your inbox, the one about Amy Sedaris’s brother, and for some reason it was enough to stop me from sticking the TNT in my butt and lighting the fuse. So you should totally get a purple heart for saving my life, although most likely they won’t give you one because you’re arthritic, and nobody likes to see a crippled soldier.

    Cat’s last blog post..Other Signs That I Should Seek Medical Attention

  90. Dude I think it’s awesome you get mail from Pig Heart peeps!

    Jenni’s last blog post..Reconstruction Paper

  91. You can have my old underwear. Really. I gave up wearing underwear when I moved to Canada. I don’t think one has anything to do with the other. I just didn’t like underwear and since I retired from teaching (you have to wear underwear when you are educating teenage boys who wear ankle bracelets), I was able to live my dream.

    Seriously, the underwear is clean and going to waste in a drawer because Goodwill won’t take old underwear.

  92. I busted out laughing at “People I Should Stab”. What does that say about me?

    Your dog has the smooshiest, most adorable face EVER.

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Planning to attend BlogHer ‘09? Buy Tickets Now!

  93. Little tangent here because I’m behind on reading. Maybe it’s because I’m on drugs now for ADHD (who knew??), but more likely because your insanity has infiltrated my brain like some parasitic invasion… On FB my husband (currently in Qatar) was marveling at how unbelievably stylish his reflective belt is, and I immediately envisioned the Air Force redesigning their reflective belts using glued-on dead cat eyes (which would be AWESOME because, hello, recycling and saving the planet! and making even more use out of the cats you use for homeless mittens). Oh, yes, I dig dead cats, too.

    Hey, that’s a segue! Be sure to check out my cake. There’s crazy coming at me from this end, too. It’s a virtual DP of ::wait, wait, checking thesaurus for other options:: lunacy.

    mrtl’s last blog post..Tossed Salad Cake

  94. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..What a door should NOT look like

  95. So you have no idea how much I wanted to be able to click on Nancy’s e-mails so I could get to the deliciousnesss I knew I would find inside. Post more, please! The people need more Nancy!!1

  96. You’re right. No one does cry while eating marshmallows. I went to cyingwhileeating.com, and I found no marshmallows, s’mores, or ice cream with marshmallows on top. Nada. Frankly, I’m a bit let down.

  97. You won’t need a pony to get around in heaven. Zero gravity = propulsion by flatulence.

  98. OMG!!! OMG!!! Can’t even read the comments because I have passed out twice just reading this post!! From laughing….You MUST move into my house. That’s all. My life will not go on until you come here and teach me to make my absurdities as hilarious as yours. Right now, they’re just a pain in the ass. PS – my life weirdnesses + your skills = 2 happy millionaire beyotches! You could have all rights to the in-law stories. I get everything else.

    ML’s last blog post..At Least 82 Reasons It’s More Than Miraculous I Haven’t Caved on the Lenten Sacrifice of Chocolate

  99. […] filthytombstone this morning letting me know post haste that I may have irritated the minions of Jenny the Bloggess by sending an email to Jenny yesterday with the subject line “You motherfucker.” […]

  100. Totally disappointed there was no pig heart, damn it.

    Kelly’s last blog post..It may be 80 today but just last week…

  101. Note to self: Make a folder for people you want to stab STAT.

    Miss Yvonne’s last blog post..Captain Carl’s Foaming Pipe Snake

  102. I feel the need to defend myself for sending Jenny an email with the subject line “You motherfucker,” especially since Amy called me out on it.

    My rebuttal is today’s post here: http://www.theeconomyisnthappening.com/blog/

    Johnny B. Truant’s last blog post..Hot talk about murder and suicide

  103. Fuck, now the blog gestapo is moderating my posts because I included a link. So just click on my CommentLuv’d post below for my rebuttal re: the “You motherfucker” email listed there.

    Johnny B. Truant’s last blog post..Hot talk about murder and suicide

  104. Now I have two in moderation! What the shit?

    Johnny B. Truant’s last blog post..Hot talk about murder and suicide

  105. loooooool @ the tumor cat

  106. My Vagina is one weird looking dog, cat tumor notwithstanding.

    You give out your home address to people?

  107. After reading your post I told my husband that our duvet cover is supposed to be filled with panties and car batteries.
    Now I’m grounded from your blog. Apparently you’re a bad influence, which of course, only makes me want to read it more. So if anyone asks, I was totally at a friend’s house.

    MonsteRawr’s last blog post..Holy shit, I’m brilliant! or I also dreamed about nachos.

  108. ha!

    this is so frustrating, I want so much to read these emails but when i click it does nothing!

    im going to review my old email subject lines from the last 28 000 years stored away..remind myself that me and my friends we also used to be funny….now it’s just boring “RE: baby food” or “RE: my new washing machine”

    screamish’s last blog post..fun at the zoo

  109. My whole inbox is labeled people I should stab this week.

    I’m not going to get to them all this week.


    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..UPDATED! My Car and Wednesday Conspired Against Me – Jerkoids!

  110. My favorite e-mail subject line in my inbox this week was “So you guys like poop, right?” Yes, friend, I do like poop.

    Bridget’s last blog post..It’s called discretion, and I totally have it

  111. I want to try again to see if I can post without it going into moderation.

    Johnny B. Truant’s last blog post..Hot talk about murder and suicide

  112. I heard a rumor that comment moderation is turned on here…

    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..UPDATED! My Car and Wednesday Conspired Against Me – Jerkoids!

  113. Oh ha ha… No it isn’t… Fuck you Johnny B. Truant.

    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..UPDATED! My Car and Wednesday Conspired Against Me – Jerkoids!

  114. But can you clip the doggy duvet to the running board when you take My Vagina for a drive?


    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Vapourware

  115. Wait, I was comment 105, now I’m 113? Now I’m going to have to read all the comments all over again to see which ones have sneaked in when I wasn’t looking.

    This time I’m taking notes.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Vapourware

  116. The ghost of Joan Crawford is going to rise from the gave and haunt you -NO WIRE HANGERS!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

    I know this because I went as Mommie Dearest to a Halloween party last year. I won a prize. Yay me!

    Condo Blues’s last blog post..How I Slashed my Electric Bills without Moving into a Yurt

  117. a) you are hilarious
    b) I want to be you
    sub b) and by that i mean I want to work in HR and be hopped up on pills
    sub sub b) but only the good ones. You can keep your meth.

  118. You’re going to get me fired. They do not appreciate loud, obnoxious laughing in this here office of mine.

  119. Damn, girl…

    Too bad you didn’t show my silly ass email about the g-spot… which I STILL thank you for! xoxo, Karen 😉

  120. OK, this is weird because I see my cousin Nikol’s email in your inbox and I got the exact same one, which I believe makes us twins. Except I don’t get sleeping bags in the mail. I did, however, get a pajama-gram from TNT. Should I send it to you, sis?

  121. First of all, I think Pug In A Bag could be the hottest thing since Beanie Babies.

    Secondly, the thought of being buried in a pile of marshmallows almost makes me look forward to being killed in the tragic, heroic accident that I just know awaits me.

    Thirdly, I think I want to adopt your folder labels to categorize my entire life from now on.

    Can you see about getting on Oprah to talk about this, to lend this massive life change of mine some legitimacy?

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..A conversation with M-: The wipe that shakes the barley

  122. UPDATE: Fucking hilarious.

    jenni’s last blog post..The F-Word

  123. 123

    If you’ve seen Truant’s post, I totally tattletaled so I could find out what his email was about because I’m also nosey. WHY DON’T I HAVE MORE FRIENDS???

  124. MORE NANCY!!!! I need a dose of her, STAT!!

  125. U r so damn funny!

  126. 126

    Okay, bitches, how did wire hangers get into this? I made a shirt that I totally should have claimed as my own: I put a photo of Joan Crawford, in all her Splendrous Eyebrow Glory with the quote underneath; “I NEVER LAID A HAND ON THOSE FUCKING KIDS.”


  127. One of my closest friends summed up this post with this statement:

    “That was fucking awesome.”

    Thanks again for a laugh->pee moment.

    Saskia’s last blog post..Thoughts. (Someone should really stop me from thinking. Hello? Anyone?)

  128. Oh my god, I am laughing so hard I’ve got tears running down my face. No pressure or anything, but if all of your blogs are this funny, you’ve got a new reader. 🙂

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