Apparently it’s only inappropriate when I’m winning

So last night I was laying in bed with my cat Posey (whose entire family was accidentally killed by my father-in-law 12 years ago) and I’m all “Posey’s the only surviving member of his family.  He’s like a member of the holocats” and Victor just keeps watching Deadliest Catch and I’m like “Get it?  Holocats?” and he’s all “Yeah.  It’s a holocaust joke about cats.  That’s completely inappropriate.”  And I’m like “But it’s only funny when it’s in writing because most people would think I was saying ‘Hall of Cats‘.  Because they don’t remember the holocaust.” and Victor’s all “Or because it’s inappropriate to make Jew jokes about your cat” and I’m all “Whatevs, dude.  You’re just jealous that you didn’t come up with holocats” and then there was this long silence and I’m all “You’re trying to think up a better cat holocaust joke aren’t you?” and Victor’s all quiet and then sighs resignedly and is all “...Yeah” and I’m like “Good luck, buddy.  Because I bring the thunder” and then like 30 seconds later Victor’s all “Posey’s just upset because he remembers Meowschwitz”.

So yeah…fuck me.

Updated: Okay, I actually wrote this post two weeks ago but I decided not to publish it because it seemed more offensive than normal and also because Victor was winning but then all of a sudden it hit me and so I ran into Victor’s office and I’m all “HE’S PROBABLY JUST GRATEFUL THAT HE SURVIVED THE PURRED REICH!” and Victor gives me this angry ‘WTF?‘ look and I’m all “Posey.  You know…like the Third Reich…but for cats?” and he mouths “I am on a fucking. conference. call”  but I suspect he was just faking it because he just doesn’t want to admit how awesome I am.

Comment of the day: I actually like “Holocats” better than “Meowschwitz.”

Other possible cat/third reich jokes:

– Feline/Frauline = Freline
– Purr/Führer = Pührer

I don’t know. Kitler? Herr Ball? Mein Katf? Catstapo? ~ scott

174 thoughts on “Apparently it’s only inappropriate when I’m winning

Read comments below or add one.

  1. HE TOTALY GOT YOU WITH THE MEOWSCHWITZ. I’M STIL ROLLING FROM THAT ONE. SOMETIMES THAT HUBBY OF YOURS REALLY COMES THROUGH….

  2. Those jokes are insensitive and totally inappropriate. You should really try to be more considerate when you’re writing these blogs and think about the feelings of the cats you’re mocking.

    The jew jokes are fine.

    Courtney’s last blog post.."Where’s my person?"

  3. I bet Victor crashed your site on purpose so that people wouldn’t get a chance to read it until he’d come up with another come back.
    Sneaky…

  4. Ok, we know it’s wrong, but we read this out loud and were laughing so I suppose something very, very bad is going to happen to our little family. We have kittehs as well, and they don’t remember the Holocaust although every trip to vet seems like it, especially for poor Pepper.

    Pop and Ice’s last blog post..It’s My Party and …….

  5. I feel sort of guilty because I laughed – and certainly guilty that I laughed at Victors Meowschwitz more than holocats

  6. I actually like “Holocats” better than “Meowschwitz.”

    Other possible cat/third reich jokes:

    – Feline/Frauline = Freline
    – Purr/Führer = Pührer

    I don’t know. Kitler? Herr Ball? Mein Katf? Catstapo?

    Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.

    scott’s last blog post..How to End the World

  7. You know, my husband has gotten funnier since meeting me, and I have gotten less funny sine meeting him.

    I can’t even imagine what you were like before you found Victor…

    Libby’s last blog post..Sounds Like Utah

  8. Ok, this post was funny enough but Scott and Random have me rolling on the floor!

    So did I miss the story of how a whole cat family was wiped out by your father-in-law? That sounds like there is a good story behind it.

  9. I just like the Victor stories because his name makes it sound all Harlequin Romance and I picture these scenarios with you in a peasant wench dress and him in his lordly tights and velvet.

    Yellow Trash Diaries’s last blog post..I’m on 8Asians

  10. i was going to say something witty about horrible naz-fleas, but alas your shit was shut down due to the hoards of angry jews trying to send you hate mail, and the naz-fleas humor ship has sailed.

  11. How can you tell when one of your posts is more offensive than normal? Isn’t it kind of like how infinity equals infinity plus one?

    And that’s why we keep coming back.

  12. I just want you to know that I read this post to my 65 year old Jewish mother and she laughed so hard her heart started palpitating and we had to rush her to the hospital. Okay, not really, but she did pee herself.

    Beth’s last blog post..Expectations

  13. I’m supposed to be putting my kids to bed. Instead, I’m sitting here trying to think up cat holocaust jokes–and I’m half Jewish.

  14. you two have, like the best, if totally inappropriate, relationship. Although, I guess it’d be more inappropriate if you were acting out the holocats with Posey….making little sole survivor shrines on your father-in-law’s car…HEY you should totally do that. It’s the only proper way to honor Posey’s family. Why not? Oh my god you totally suck because you pretend to remember the holocats but you only pay it lip service and then freaking JOKE about it? Stop being so selfish! She *needs* a memorial shrine. Like a family of stuffed kittens glued to the grille. I know gluing wouldn’t be entirely appropriate, given the horrors of the holocats, but at least it’s something.

    Naptimewriting’s last blog post..thinking makes it so…

  15. As a daughter of Jewish man that lived and fought during WWII (in the Pacific duh..stay away from crazy Germans), I have to say…

    …good on you! And Purred Reich isn’t quite as good as Meowschwitz, in my opinion…don’t hit me! 🙂 Yes, yes…the holocaust was terrible. But if we can’t laugh at tragedy what can we laugh at? I’m looking at you, you stick-in-the-mud WTC survivors. *Eyes*

  16. uhm. thank you for making my venture into reading blogs from my phone because my ‘net went to shit totally worthwhile. thank you by a lot.

  17. Hi Bloggess, glad I found your twits on twitter. totally fucking crazy but I prefer crazy then the normal BS that I find in most of the Twtter posts. I hate reading about the elite people and their hot lattes and other BS. Keep the crazy shit coming.

    fox

  18. Can I marry Victor too? ‘Cause I love him as much as I love you. Or would that be an insult to the Mormons?

  19. Ok I admit, at first I was half paying attention when I started reading this. so I didn’t get the whole ‘holocats’ thing until it was pointed out. Then I went & started it over. It was hilarious. I’m surprised Victor even had a come back. From what I get out of your other blogs, he usually tends to just ignore your awesome crazyness.

    Anyways after spending ten minutes laughing my head off, I copied the url and sent it to all my friends.

  20. Meowschwitz cracked me up. You know, he’s GOTTA have a sense of humor if he’s married to you.

    Wait, did that sound insulting? It’s not. It means he’s funny and must have AWESOME taste in women.

    I mean, only the one woman. You, of course. I swear I haven’t seen him on the street following pussy around.

    I mean, cats. I saw this guy following cats around, asking them about the holocats … never mind.

    Victor is awesome.

    Miss Rosa’s last blog post..Titillating Tuesday

  21. I thought you were talking about cat holograms at first, and I was all, “Genius! Her cat is holographic! No litterbox needed.” I don’t remember the holocaust ’cause, y’know, I wasn’t born yet. I’m going to make a million dollars selling holocats.

  22. Hey – I like this pink better than that pee-colour you had.

    On a non-romantic evening, like a Friday or a Tuesday, sometimes I like to tell Nick that “I’ll be playing the role of Hitler tonight.” Then he knows to Beano me when I’m not paying attention.

    emvandee’s last blog post..Rape Whistle Dog Attack? Make Pad Thai.

  23. Yowl, mein Furrer,,,
    You two are crazy – can you come be my neighbours, please?
    And is the reason Texas is so hot right now because hell is coming to you?

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Schadenfreude

  24. I’m pretty sure that should be written into wedding vows: “To have and to hold, even when we are both being completely inappropriate, ’till death to us part…”

    That’s part of making a marriage work. Making really bad, politically incorrect jokes and then laughing so hard until you cry together. Or until you run and make a really bad blog post about it. *whistles innocently*

    Chloe’s last blog post..#7 On Chloe’s Must-Have List For Summer 2009: A Maxi Dress

  25. Christ, you are hilarious. Wait can you say Christ in a comment about a post about Jews? It’s all so confusing where the appropriate/inappropriate boundaries are drawn. But hilarious as usual.
    And WTF, you got all fancy pants with the blog. At least you know I’ll keep coming back. Because I like pink and all. Well, basically just because I like pink. I really don’t know what the “and all” part would be.

  26. Reminds me of the story which allegedly went around Disneyland a while back.
    Apparently a memo was issued from management informing staff that referring to the park as Mousechwitz was completely inappropriate and had to be stopped. By that afternoon the term had been replaced with Duckau..

    Alan Brookland’s last blog post..The Neil Gaiman effect..

  27. Oh, and honestly, instead of “meowschwitz” I mis-read that Victor said something about “meownischewitz”. It’s what underage cats like to drink behind the 7-11.

  28. Firstly, I just want to express my shock at the colour change. It’s pink. There, I said it. Now I am going back to read your post.

  29. Awesome.

    You know, my dad’s family were nazi’s, and my mum’s family is jewish – I think that’s why I have so much inner conflict.

    Just sharin’.

  30. I think it is terrible that you talk of things with such levity. Kitler was just a whisker away from causing a total apocatlypse. I don’t want to pussy foot around the matter, but just take paws before you post such things. Purrrlin was devastated at the time and the invasion of Pawland was just the start.

  31. *long silence*

    That was me trying to come up with a better cat/jew/holocaust joke. Can’t do it.

    But I’d totally love to hear that story of your FIL killing Posey’s whole family! Shit, I could use that one on my in-law bashing blog!

  32. LMFAO. That was brilliant. If only I could make jokes like that and not have my boyfriend respond in the EXACT same way. Holocats? Meowschwitz? Both brilliant. IMO, it’s a tie.

  33. ohhhhhhhhh.
    myyyyyyyyyyyy.
    goddddddddddddd.

    yes, it’s inappropriate. that’s why it’s completely hilarious. also? i don’t think Victor wins BECAUSE you came up with holocats in the first place and that’s just genius. Had you never come up with holocats he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to think of Meow schwitz. I mean, it’s hilarious and great, but you thought of it first. So you win. 🙂

    Regardez Moi’s last blog post..Happy Momma’s Day

  34. Does it ever amaze you how totally numb we’ve become to what people in the “real world” might consider offensive? I’m not sure if Jenny did that singlehandedly – or maybe we’re all just assholes.

  35. I got really excited because I thought that holocats were the sign that science had finally developed holograms and is testing the idea with housecats to keep it hush hush…and to scare the bejesus out of pet owners when they see their cat has been cloned overnight.

    Sigh. Another day, another disappointment.

  36. Your blog is now pinkalicious and I looooove it!!

    Isn’t that an awesome word? You can borrow it if you want. I don’t mind. Only as long as you keep the blog pink, it’s a condition of my generosity! =) Spell check says it’s not a word but who really asked them anyway?!

    LB’s last blog post..The internet doesn’t know me well at all.

  37. I like Jamie varon
    but i liked the old blog layout better.

    What’s it say about your readers if your totally inappropriate joke makes us laugh?

    Xjaeva’s last blog post..Grover Scarf

  38. The pink ROCKS! You are hilarious, and so is Victor. These commentors are the best on the innernets and I am really only posting so I can be near them, since I can’t think of anything even remotely funny to say. Scott (#12) wins with Catstapo, with Chicky’s Hissler a very close second. Also, sorry to way, I think Meowschwitz is a clear winner.

  39. Was Posey in Dachmeow? Did she have her Hair Bar Mistzvah before the Fürrer got a hold of her? Was she forced to read Mein Kat? I’m going to stop now because I suck.

    Virginia’s last blog post..A Bird in the Hand…

  40. Nothing to do with your post but I found that creamed corn movie…
    Just thought I would share for any of you who were interested.
    Playboy: Inside Out (1992)

  41. When I read it, I didn’t get holocaust. In my head, I read Hologram. Like Jem and the Holograms. I just figured you had a cat that could sing AND synergize. Like maybe Posey is TRULY, TRULY, TRULY OUTRAGEOUS.

    But whatever, Holocaust jokes are cool too.

    Jenn’s last blog post..Caution: Pop Culture Related Rant Ahead

  42. OMG! You and Victor need to start your own website with pictures of cats with captions. Only, instead of happy, cute stuff like LOLCats, your captions would all be offensive stuff about the holocaust, child prostitution, and serial killers. You’d make a fortune! Actually, I’m not really sure that you make money from those sites, but you could add it to your internet resume. You know, with the sex site and all. (BTW, I’ve got to award Victor the point for Meowschwitz.)

  43. ohmyfuckinggod! “Meowschwitz” caused me to swallow my own tongue I was laughing so hard!!!

    Victor may have won this battle, but you win the war every day! Viva la Bloggess!

    elfini’s last blog post..Maiden Voyage

  44. And for some reason I totally thought it was in appropriate when I posted about buying African babies from Sally Struthers or whoever and wanting to return them if they had AIDS. But now yours does seem a lot less offensive than mine. Hmmm. If I had shame, I might not post this comment. I’m all out of shame today. Would you like a sarcastic comment? Maybe come cheese?

    Samantha’s last blog post..I pretty much suck…

  45. I don’t think this is inappropriate because it is simply too silly. I mean, cats weren’t even THERE for the holocaust, so how could Posey understand the jokes? Besides, Manson jokes would have been more on line since Posey’s family was murdered by the same person.

    I like the new theme but I prefer to see your face at the top, not just the curlers and your eyes.

    I didn’t see anyone in the comments call you a cunt.

    Memoirgirl’s last blog post..A Quickie

  46. I don’t know if I’m enjoying the post or the comments more…Too funny…especially the idiots who read it and then took the time to insult the humor. You’re hilarious – love love LOVE IT!! 🙂

  47. I love the people who are posting w/ offended remarks. Helloooo- This is The Bloggess and that is what you do. You entertain us with totally offensive and hysterical whit. Thus tags like Posts that will get me hate mail. Some people crack me up!

  48. I love this post, and I love the look of the site – it is WAY more ‘you’ now. In fact, it even made me say “ahhhh” with a beatific expression on my face.

    Oh, and thanks for the laughs… AGAIN.

    🙂

    Natalie’s last blog post..Thoughts

  49. I scrolled through every comment. I tried to come up with a comparable pun. I’m usually really good at this.

    Nothing. Not. A. Thing.

    I bow to the masters. May the Furs Be With You.

    feefifoto’s last blog post..Then What Happened?

  50. So, I went and looked at the way the layout is supposed to look, and mine looks like that, except the ninja is more hidden. That either means there’s something wrong with my computer, or that the ninja is about to attack. And, since I’m a snooty mac person, I’m just going to brace myself for the attack.

    Amy.’s last blog post..“Finals Suck,” the playlist.

  51. Yeah, my cat’s jewish too. They can be hilarious. Posey sounds, I don’t know, swedish or something. Did you rename him for fear of persecution? That’s why I renamed my cat Banjo instead of his original Dr. Goldstein. The Deadliest Catch is also awesome. Did you know that jews get all the money from the crabs and spend it on killing everything non-jewish? It’s on Mel Gibson’s blog. Very informative.

    MayoPie’s last blog post..Donald Trumps us all

  52. Was it really an accident? Or did your father-in-law just make it look that way? There’s something not kosher about this catastrophe.

  53. I am at war with myself over being offended and offering you my hand in friendcrush marriage. I think the proposal wins. “will you be my stalkee?”

  54. HA!!!!! When I was a kid we had an infestation of mice from a new development one year. We killed so many mice that year my mom called it “Mouseschwitz”. I thought it was hilarious though totally non-PC and haven’t shared that with anyone til just now.

    Lizz’s last blog post..Sleep Pretty Darling, Do Not Cry

  55. Kitty gas isn’t something to joke about. That foul stuff clings like oil to your nose and then swings from your nose hairs until your eyes water and you’re begging for mercy. Don’t. Piss-off. The Survivors. Too bad Posey isn’t Purrsian instead of Mewish.

    Did anyone else think that one of the Hitlercats looked like a beetle with his bowl cut?

  56. When you said, “I bring the thunder!” I was totally waiting for a ThunderCats joke.

  57. You think you’re funny but you’re really not.

    I think the whole point is that WE think she’s funny. I don’t know if we care if JENNY thinks she is funny.

  58. ok cuz it is you 🙂
    my parents were in holocaust and they still remember.
    I like your blog and cats.. icanhascheezburger.com is one of my favorite sites

  59. Another post, another catastrophe.

    Does this all have something to do with the Felinal Solution??

    Jack, Amanda, FloJo, Gus, Leo, Emma, Raney, and Violet have worried looks on their faces.

    (This new bleached and acid-washed page is going to take some getting used to.
    May I suggest some splattered artfully strewn bloodstains to create a warmer and friendlier ambience…?

  60. So. I don’t even know how to start this one. But thanks to this post my sister is scared her husband, like, wants to leave her for you. Because you are funnier than she is. Or something like that. He can’t stop trying to come up with cat/Holocaust jokes. I don’t think he’ll really leave her. Or stalk you. And, so far, none of his jokes are very funny. But still.

    Goldfish’s last blog post..He will rock you

  61. Completely inappropriate and disgustingly funny. I am going to hell for laughing, See ya there.

  62. I reject completely any suggestions that this post is inappropriate. Tragedy+Time=Comedy, after all. And what’s more tragic than the Holocaust? What’s more hilarious than Holocats/Meowschwitz??

    I totally respect every step Victor took in this post, from pretending to denounce you while lying in wait building an atomic bomb of awesome, to admitting doing so when you called him on it. I love that you know him so well, too.

    You’re like my wife and I if we were at least 10 times funnier.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..A conversation with D-: An honest voice finally pierces my fog

  63. You seem not to know about the 8 second rule. If he gave his line 30 seconds after yours, it’s automatically the loser because it wasn’t fast, and therefore, not witty.

    So you are winning by a lot.

  64. @Jenny – omg laughed so hard reading this i dribbled coffee down my front. Now I’m going to have people staring at my coffee boobs…

    @highway – I think I peed myself a little laughing at that..

  65. OMG…I so needed this today (and most days for that matter). You made me laugh outloud to the point of tears. You have such a way about your writing. Liked your discussion with your rheumatologist, too. (Well, didn’t like his answers, but the illustration was perfect of how it truly goes with these guys.) Sounds very much like conversations I’ve had with mine. :/

  66. I can’t see the ninja/wolverine side banner, either. Rats. My res is 1280 x 1024. Dude, I thought you said HALOcats at first.

  67. Way for me to be all behind with the blog commenting on older posts. Scrap my techie talk but keep the part about HALOcats!

  68. I want you to know, I have read this post like 5 times and I still laugh to the point my stomach is going to burst. I absolutely love your conversations with your husband. Probably too much. And I probably spend too much time here. I also might spend too much time on your advice column. and your sex is. and your twitter. I need a life.
    .-= Megan Erwin´s last blog ..Free Range Chicken & My Sister. =-.

  69. My Dad showed me our dog doing a great Hitler Youth impression; he lies on his side and if you press under his front elbow he’ll raise it dead straight at just the right angle to mimic the “Hail Hitler” action. On cue every time.

    It’s hilarious.

    P.S. I’m told most jack russell type breeds do it.

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