I started writing this yesterday on twitter and then it got long so I decided to turn it into a post that I finished last night and then I logged on was all “Why aren’t there any comments?” and it was because I never hit “publish”. I am awesome.
My husband joined Facebook and is refusing to add me as a friend because I’m “too unprofessional”.
Seriously, he added 3 friends and he’s all “I’m done. No more friends until one of them dies”. Social networking is wasted on him.
And he doesn’t even have a profile picture. He just uses that default, faceless silhouette thing. I’m married to *that* guy.
I tried to update his profile and add a picture while he was in the kitchen and he’s all “WTF ARE YOU DOING?” I’m *helping*, asshole.
It wasn’t even a bad picture. It was a picture of him hugging a monkey and it was very flattering.
In answer to everyone who just asked: It was flattering to Victor and to the monkey.
Victor just asked me what “Mafia Wars” is. It’s like I’m living with a 5 year old.
But I did advise him not to join Mafia Wars because I love him.
I also told him if he didn’t “poke” his friends at least four times a day they’d automatically be deleted from his profile.
That’s the kind of shit that you have to expect when you don’t friend me.
Two hours later:
Victor: Facebook is kind of cool.
Me: I’m going to murder one of your three friends so there’s room for me.
Victor: Did you just say you were going to murder my friends?
Me: What? No. Why would I murder all your friends? Where do they live exactly?
3 hours later:
Victor : Oh my God.
Victor: Oh. my. God.
Victor: Paul is stuck at the airport and needs some sort of Cuban paperwork to get out.
Me: Paul? Your friend from Facebook?
Victor: He sent me a message for help.
Me: Dude. That’s Mafia Wars. Say no.
Victor: YOU DON’T SAY NO WHEN A FRIEND ASKS FOR HELP.
Me: Oh my God, you installed Mafia Wars, didn’t you?
Three hours later:
Victor: Okay, I just added you as a friend. Go accept my request.
Me: No way. You just want me to join your mafia clan.
Victor: You are insane.
6 hours later:
Victor: I’m going to get my hair cut and when I get back you’d better have accepted my friend request.
Victor: There is some serious shit going down in Cuba.
Me: Right. I’m blocking you now.
Victor: A FAMILY STICKS TOGETHER.
Me: You’re making me hurt inside.
Victor: La Familia!
Me: It feels all weird when you become the unstable one in our relationship.
Victor: Dude, I’m just messing with you. I never installed Mafia Wars. Probably.
Me: I’m going to set fire to your computer.
Victor: I have three computers.
Me: I’m going to set fire to the left side of our house and drag all your computers in there.
Victor: So, which one of us is the unstable one, again?
Me: I just wrestled back control, motherf’cker.
Victor: Dude. This is just. like. Mafia Wars.
Me: Get out.
Comment of the day: My fiance uses the default facebook photo too. I became annoyed so I changed it to some photo I found in his parents’ old photo album. He was, like, 7 with his pants pulled up to his nipples. A really great photo. He finally noticed when he started getting e-mails from people commenting on his photo. ~ Brooke