Me: The vet just called. Apparently Barnaby Jones also needs to have some baby teeth extracted.
Victor: What the hell?! I thought you just took him in to get fixed?
Me: I did.
Victor: Well, they’re looking in the wrong end.
Me: They did a check-up too and apparently he needs his wisdom teeth removed or something. It’s gonna be another hundred dollars.
Victor: Fuck. Call them back and tell them to give him a $10 shot instead.
Victor: Of antifreeze.
Victor: What? That’s what I’m doing with you. You think you’re just sick all the time from some auto-immune disease? No. I’ve been shooting you up with antifreeze for years.
Me: Why would you do that?
Victor: It’s a slow and easy way to die. You’re welcome.
Me: If I end up dying with antifreeze in my system you are going down. I’m writing all of this in my blog right now.
Victor: Dude. I’m totally just kidding. But not about the dog.
Me: You love Barnaby Jones and you know it. Besides, I need someone furry to snuggle with after Posey’s gone. He’s like 140 in people years.
Victor: Seriously? Posey is in the hall right now looking around like “WTF? Where am I going?!”
Me: I MEANT WHEN POSEY IS GONE ON VACATION. POSEY, YOU ARE GOING ON VACATION.
Victor: He’s totally not buying it.
Me: POSEY, YOU ARE GOING TO BE FINE, I SWEAR.
Victor: He looks suicidal.
Me: He always looks that way.
Victor: Okay, now I’m kind of paranoid that you’re going to accidentally drink antifreeze and I’m going to get blamed for it.
Me: How would I accidentally drink antifreeze?
Victor: How do you do any of the fucked up things you do? You once accidentally swallowed a needle, for God’s sake.
Me: BECAUSE *YOU* FUCKING LEFT IT IN MY WATER BOTTLE.
Victor: You’re very defensive today.
Me: It must be all the antifreeze in my system.
Victor: I doubt it. It’s never had that effect before. I mean, what antifreeze?
UPDATED: Video of Banaby Jones after surgery. He had to wear the collar to keep him from licking himself. And because it was hilarious. But then we took it off after an hour because we love him. And because he knocked over a chair with it and practically gave himself a concussion. We’re not made of chairs, Barnaby Jones.
Comment of the day: Is this the same doctor that squeezed your cat to death? Because I don’t think we should trust him anymore. “Yeah, I know his balls are down there. Just thought I’d check to see if I could charge you with a bunch of shit before I kill this one in front of you.” ~ Lori