Subtle bribery

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Random Crap

I’m still in full tour mode (next stop Florida!) so to make it up to you for being MIA I’m giving out a signed copy of the UK version of my book and a signed copy of the audiobook (which includes an extra chapter, me singing the titles, and a blooper reel).  All you have to do is leave a comment saying whether you want the paper version or the audio version and I’ll randomly select some winners.

The UK edition is a tad more whimsical on the outside. Same guts though.

In other tour news, looks like I’ll be adding a few more cities to the tour so I’ll keep you posted on that.

I’m doing in-store Skype events if you happen to be in Cincinatti’s JOSEPH-BETH BOOKSELLERS May 9th or Lansing, Michigan’s SCHULER BOOKS & MUSIC on May 10th.  (They’ll have signed bookplates on-hand.)  Also, I’m signing books in person in Florida this Friday, and in Gaithersburg, MD on the 19th.  I’ll add some more dates soon, and then I’ll turn into a hermit for the rest of my life, so if you want a signed copy of my book you better strike now before I go into seclusion forever.

A huge thanks to each and everyone one of you for supporting me on this terrible and wonderful roller coaster.  I know there have been book shortages around, but the good news is that the books out right now are all first editions so if you can find one you’ve got a collectors item.  One that will probably really be worth something several decades after we’re all dead.

PS.  If you want to buy the UK version it comes out on May 10th and you can get it at Amazon UK, Waterstones, and Independent UK bookstores.

UPDATED:  Winners ~ Daryk Masterson and Rob R.  Thanks so much, everyone!

3,856 thoughts on “Subtle bribery”

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  7. I too would love the paper version – adorable (and AMAZING CAPE)! Good luck with the rest of your tour!

  8. I want the paper, the paper, the paper! (For some reason, an old rap song about the bitches! the bitches! the bitches! is now in my head. I should thank myself).

  10. paper version, so i can read it over and over again, because let’s just say, this book cannot be anything but awesome 🙂 really happy you wrote it.

  18. there’s a toss-up, right? I mean, on one hand I really want to physical copy so that I can keep it on my shelf after, but I want to hear the audio-book….

    flaunting wins out – physical book! please!

  19. I love the new cover, but I have been wanting the audio version since I read the first 5 pages. However did you (or whoever) read this aloud without laughing continuously? And please come to Chicago!

  23. I love that cover, but i’d have to say paper!! dying to hear the bloopers and have you read it to me 🙂

  25. Am about 3/4 through my digital copy… this book is hysterically funny… THANK YOU for making me laugh out loud (emphasis on ‘loud’) in inappropriate places! And for making it very challenging to explain to people why I’m laughing so hard.

  26. Would *love* the book version! So sad we’re going to miss you here in Atlanta!!

  30. Aaaah! I am so excited you are coming to Gaithersburg. I’ll be in line for sure to get to meet you. But I’d love to put my name in for the audiobook.

  34. Audio because I’m sure that the only thing funnier than your book is you reading your book.

  38. Paper please! So enjoying following all this craziness, as well as your best-of posts, as I am fairly new around here.

  44. Ok, book version please! Then I can start petitioning you to come over on the book tour…

  50. I have the ebook – which I am LOVING by the way, I text excerpts to my boyfriend during the day. Example: Me – “Homeless people just ate her pet duck daffodil!” Him – “Ha ha, glad you’re enjoying it.” Me – “EATEN BY HOMELESS PEOPLE!” Him – “Ok…”

    I would love the paper edition to give either to my brother who would love it, or to my grandmother who would be horrified by it.

  53. I would love the Audiobook! I’ve read the paper version and heard it in my voice, now I want to hear it in yours.

  55. audio, please. I love your voice. …um. ….not in a creepy way.

  57. Oooh… hook me up with the Audio version please! 🙂

  58. Paper please. Nothing like the tactile feel of a real book.

    Thanks

    Shane

  59. Wow, hard choice! I love the cover of the UK version, but I think I have to choose audio, since I’ve already purchased and read the US paper version.

  61. Paper version! I LOVE YOUR BOOK. I laughed so hard I unintentionally lost control of my bladder twice!

  63. I would get a huge kick out of the audio version…and who *couldn’t* use a huge kick now and then?!

  64. Wow! That. Cover. Rocks. Totally want paper (and a MA/RI stop on the tour? Or HI, I need to get back there anyways!)

  66. I’m already into the paper version and I would LOVE the bloopers and singing so audio!

  71. I just bought the Kindle version, and have spent much of the time either laughing hysterically or relating on some small scale. I would love to get the UK version 😀

  72. I would LOVE the audiobook. I’ve read the ebook version and am dying to know if your voice sounds the same in real life as I imagined in my head. 🙂

  74. Paper version for my wife! She channels you or you her. Or something.

  76. Paper please as I don’t think I can drive and listen to the book at the same time!

  79. Audiobook is awesome because my husband could listen to it at work and make everyone wonder what he’s laughing at!

  82. I would absolutely love a paper version, ebooks are good, but nothing beats holding an actual book.

  85. i have audio and hardback. so i suppose the UK version in paper.

  91. i long to hear your voice…audio me! (that hardback cover is tremendous, though.)
    did you add pittsburgh to your list yet? do it. you won’t regret it.

  92. I would give you my left flip flop for the audio version. I already am the proud owner of the paper one! 🙂

  93. I accidently bought the audiobook, I would love to have a matched set with a paper copy!

  97. I’d like the audiobook! I have a hella commute and listen to them three hours a day! Congratulations on your success. It’s wonderful to witness.

  101. Audio. I’m going to edit it to make the voice for the landmark GPS robot I’ll be designing for you.

  102. It’s so hard to choose…. oh I’d love the audio version more I think. I’m so sad I couldn’t come to Dallas for the tour, but gas is expensive and, alas, I am broke.

  105. I’ll take either! Oh wait, I have to choose? Fine, paper book it is then…Please!!

  106. Audio version! I think the only way this book could get more awesome would be to hear you narrating it.

  107. Oh my gosh why don’t the rest of the versions have that amazing font?!? I really want a copy, but if I win I’d really like the Audio Book.

    Also… you really need to come to Philadelphia!

  109. Oh, such a tough choice… I love the whimsical cover, but would have to choose audiobook if I get the option 🙂

  110. Audio version, please! Though that UK paper cover is pretty awesome.

  111. Audiobook would be AWESOME!!! I need to hear you read it, and my husband REALLY needs to hear it as much has I have talked about it and obsessed over it!

  113. Paper–only because words that make Mommy laugh don’t make CPS laugh when my kids parrot them.

  115. That is fantastic, as is that cover! We’re boring here in the US.

  116. Okay that cover is pretty awesome. Would love that version.

  117. I would LOVE a copy of the audiobook. I read the physical book in one evening. Couldn’t put it down. 🙂

    Also, Gaithersburg, MD? I’m in. That sounds like the best way to spend a Saturday. EVER.

  119. Audio please! Extra content means extra laughing, which means extra happy.

  120. I would love to hear the audio version! The voices already in my head would enjoy the company 🙂

  121. While I want the paper one for myself, I’d have to go with the audiobook. Because I have a friend who needs to read you (for multiple reasons), but she’s dyslexic so reading is a pain for her. So the audiobook will have to do.

  122. I’d love the audio version because I already have the dead tree version. And come to Seattle please.

  123. Audiobook, please! I’ve read the paper version (LOVED it, and the looks I got from people who saw me laughing hysterically while reading a book in the corner) and audiobooks help me to remain a peaceful driver in traffic 🙂

  124. oooooooo… fingers crossed for an audio book! perfect of listening to on my train ride to and from work every day. and on the shuttle bus too – when reading actual words can be upset tummy inducing.

  126. I’d love the audio version but even if I don’t win it, I’ll likely buy it.
    B&N was slooooow to get my copy to me so I just started reading it a couple of days ago. I find myself hearing your voice as I read, Jenny. It’s funnier than my voice anyway. Loving the book—I can’t remember laughing this much at anything I’ve read, ever. I may start using “Jenkins, you motherfucker!” as a random curse or punctuation in conversation. It’ll be awesome to watch people’s faces as they struggle to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!

  130. Papier. Because the UK version’s typography ROCKS! Just bought the kindle version to pass time while on bedrest with twins… yowza.

  133. Whimsical anglophilia is my middle name. It’s a mouthful and my initials are AWAB (no Kim Jong Il jokes please) but it fits. I’d be thrilled to get a paper copy!

  135. I would love the audio version. I must say though that I love the cover for the UK version.

  140. I would LOVE the audio version! It would be amgical to be driving down the street and listening to you read your book…oh the fun i would have and the fear the other drivers would feel <3 win win 😀

  141. Ooooh I like the font on the UK edition. As for paper or audio… I plan on buying myself the paper version, but I never would buy an audio version as much as I love them so…

    Audio! 😀

  144. I would love a paper version. I need to get my laugh on right now.

  146. So yeah, a first time for everything: commenting! Just came to say that your book is now available in the Netherlands (audio, digital and hardcover) on bol.com. Maybe some other Dutch folk reading this care to know. Or you might. I’m buying it, obviously. Yaaaay.

  148. I love both, but I’ll go with audio, seeing as I alread have two copies of the hardcover 🙂

  151. My paper copy is speeding it’s way toward my house now (oh happy day!), so I’d LOVE an audio version of your book!

  156. AUDIO!!! I already bought the book and will see you in Miami on Friday night to get it signed – woo-hoo!!!

  157. I would Love the audio version! Oh the fun i would have listening to it while driving and the fear the neighboring drivers would feel…its a win-win situation 😀

  159. I cannot WAIT to read your book – it should arrive from Amazon today. BUT if I could get the audio book too, that would be fricken amazeballs.

  165. Audio!! I finished the book in less than 12 hours so now I need something to listen to while I drive!! (and have all the other motorists on the morning commute wonder What in the HELL is wrong w/this chick?)

  167. OHMAHGAH!

    I’M KIND OF FREAKING OUT. I’ll be there in Gaithersburg!

    For reals. Boom. done. AWESOME.

    (also, I REALLY want to hear the audio blooper reel. I predict awesome.)

  168. Audio version please! And add Denver to your tour! 😉

  169. Am really enjoying my hard-copy (with pre-order book plate!), *BUT* I feel like I’m missing out on something by not having the audiobook….

    (This means I would like the audiobook. Just so we’re clear. ;-> )

  170. I would love the audio version. I pre-order my book moths ago. I haven’t seen it come in the mail yet.
    Are you going to come to Chicago to do signings?
    Hope so, also, I hope I have my book by then. hehe

  171. Audio. The only thing I love more than being read to, is being sung to. 😀

  172. Audio version would be so neat! (btw, just finished the part in the book about your dad throwing the live bobcat on Victor. I think I peed)

  173. That UK edition is so fancy. Paper please…so it can one up my US edition…and then they can play battle-to-the-death the bookcase version.

  174. The UK version is gorgeous! I’d love a paper copy. It’s my favorite book, ever.

  176. Oh man, I’d love a copy of the audio book. I can’t quite imagine the bloopers being funnier than the book, but … maybe they are as funny? Funny in a different way?

    I just finished reading the book last night. I read it as slooooooowwwwwwwwly as I could, ’cause I wanted it to last as long as possible.

  177. Oooh, I’d love the audio version! Hope you come to Portland or Seattle!

  179. Audiobook! Next book you need to get some pals to kick in on the audiobook, Wil, Geri, et al. Hilarity WILL ensue, or I’ll cut a bitch.

  181. I’d love the aduio as your voice is different in my head than in real life! Thanks Jenny, for being you.

  182. Paper please… Missing your blogs but am rooting you along your journey! Congratulations!

  187. Audio would be wonderful. Love the cover of the UK book though. You are amazing and you make my day everyday 🙂

  188. I would love to here you read your book in your voice. I’m sure it will add to the delight, so audio, please 🙂

  190. Audio version. I’ve already read and loved the book so there’d be nothing better than having someone read it to me!

  191. I would love the audio version! Wish I could’ve caught you at one of the Texas book signings. Alas … next time!

  192. I’ll take either one happily, but I have a slight preference for hearing you be funny!

  196. Audio . But if I win give it to someone else. I don’t want to be greedy .
    I can not stop myself from commenting. Free is my version of waving a red flag in front of a bull. Bought your book. (you would have to know me to appreciate what a compliment that is.)

  197. I want the audio version due to my ability to focus long enough to actually read. plus, i’m sure you have a GREAT singing voice 🙂 also, i have 4 kids. so i could use some awesomely vulgar language!
    Alisha

  199. I would LOVE to have the audio version. That way I could listen to it in the car, or the tub or I could play it for our 19 month old to get her started on the right track! Everyone needs to learn to love and appreciate The Bloggess from a young age!

  203. I would love the paper version. With a baby due any day now I’ll be having lots of late night haziness to muddle through with 2am feedings and all so having something to distract would be awesome 🙂

  205. Or Paper, because I am almost in need of a new home to store all of my books 🙂 I’ll swing EITHER WAY!! LOL

  206. I’d love to have the audio version. I can’t wait to hear the bloopers!

  208. Oooh! Audio, Please! Love that book cover, by the way. You rock!

  215. that UK version is SERIOULSY whimsical, but i think i’ll go for the audio, ‘cos it’s just awesome.

    i’m still Pretending to be Awesome… thank you for that HUGE piece of advice at your SF book signing!! i’m not writing a book, but a Master’s Thesis, which is probably just as scary. But that advice is hugely helpful. Hugely.

  216. crossing my fingers for a paper version – i’m on the waitlist at my library and it’s just taking TOO DAMN LONG

  218. I already have the (US) paper, but I’d LOVE to listen to the audio version. Would make car and train rides so much better, even if I embarrass myself laughing out loud (like I did this weekend).

  220. Audio, because the only thing in the world better than reading it, is listening to you read it to me!! Oh and I already have a paper copy 🙂

    Such awesome!

  221. Oh my god, I want the paper, because that cover is glorious. Also, I don’t think I can order from Amazon UK from the States, can I? I know when I lived in Japan, you had to have a Japanese shipping address to place an order.

    Will the audio be available for purchase sometime? Because it, too, sounds amazing. 🙂

  225. i love that you’re just above jim lehr on the gaithersburg book fest site. my librarian friend told me you were coming and i was **thrilled** until i remembered that i’ll be about 38 wks preg at that point, and the book fest is *just* beyond the 1 hr leash my dr has me on.

    i mean, unless you want me to have my baby in line to get your autograph 🙂 then you could just sign my kid 🙂

    so close, jenny … and yet so far away.

  226. I needed (another) excuse to come to Florida!

    Paper version would be awesome.

    (As would a trip to FL!)

  228. Subtle bribery indeed! It is overt bribery. Paper please. (feel like I’m at the grocery check out stand).

  229. Paper pleeeeeease!

    (And a ferret in a hat if there’s any going spare……)

  233. Since I already have the paper version (AND I LOVE IT), I’d like the audio version. It would make me furiously happy.

  234. OHMYGAH…Is the Gaithersburge event just a signing or will you be reading and saying stuff too? I don’t mean JUST a signing but in addition to the amazing event that is a signing, will you be saying stuff too?

    This is a real question.

    Also, audio version please.

  236. I would love the paper or audio–I’m an equal-opportunity literary fanatic. 🙂

  239. I would love to have the audio book. I already bought one for my son and his wife but I would like one of my own so I can get the bonus chapter.

    Aside from that, please come to Columbus while you are in Ohio. Pretty please with sugar on top.

  240. Ooh, ooh! Paper version, please! Unless it’s a UK version of the audiobook in which you attempt a British accent. Then I TOTALLY want the audio version.

  245. The audiobook would be my best friend ever. I would tuck it under my boob to keep it warm and sleep with it under my pillow at night. Thank you.

  246. Audio! Pretty please w/cute little mouse turds on it! You know, instead of that sugar thing….

  248. I love having the US and UK version of a book, but you have a pleasant voice. Audio it is. If I win. Because you picked me. Pretty please.

  251. Just pissed my pants when I saw the added Maryland stop. The good news is that I’ll be there. The bad news is that you owe me $600 for the ergonomic desk chair that’s now covered in my pee.
    (or the paper-version book)

  252. I want the paper. No, I want the audio. No, the paper. The audio. GODDAMNIT I WANT IT ALL.

    I’m still making my way through my fancy-pants first edition and I don’t want to finish it because I don’t want the book to end. So… if I can win this it would be awesome.

    Ok, fine, twist my arm, I’ll take the audio.

  255. I know your book schedule doesn’t revolve around my life – but if you’re in DC May 15th or 16th or May 23rd or 24th or 25th I’ll be super freakin happy!!!!

  256. Audio please. You definately need a Chi-town stop on your whirlwind tour. Just throwing that nugget out there. 🙂

  257. Love that you are coming to Gaithersburg, MD! Can’t wait to meet you!

  258. audio!!! to hear you tell the story would be AWESOME!!! I’ve already finished the book and i miss you.

  259. Oh such a hard choice – but I think I’d like an audio copy. And I would be wiling to find you a taxidermied nutria if I am chosen!

  260. I would LOVE the paper version! I can’t wait to read this!

    Also, while you’re adding tour stops, Tuscaloosa, AL would LOVE to have you!

  261. ??Wub bubble for you Jenny??? I’d love to have the audiobook for the blooper reel!

  262. Although the paperback looks amazing with that cover, I’m dying to listen to the audiobook, and since I’m poor, I haven’t been able to get it yet! BTW, way proud of you!

  264. I just ordered the book so I would love to have a copy of the audiobook.
    Though the UK cover is much cooler!

  267. Paper version!!! If you set up a tour date in Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, or Norfolk, VA; I shall grace you with my presence in costume!

  268. Audiobook, please! I just finished the hardcover today, and would love to hear you narrate this story yourself. Seriously still peeing my pants over here……..between your marriage proposal, and the laxative story, I thought I would die.

  269. Audio. Book. No, audio. I can’t decide!! I don’t care. Either. Audio. Let’s go with audio.

  273. Happy to have either one of them!!! I’m not picky! 🙂

  274. I would love to throw my name into the hat for the audio copy please! Your voice is very nice to listen to and it would bed fun to pretend you were telling stories directly to me!

  276. Please, ohpleaseohpleaseohplease add Las Vegas to your tour dates.

  278. Paper! I had to go to the hospital 2 nights ago after reading the first 4 chapters of your book. Really. Apparently intense laughter can trigger contractions. But they managed to stop the early labor, and my husband has confiscated your book for the rest of my pregnancy. Which is good, because I was totally considering naming my son “Jenny” if he were born that night.

  279. I’d love the paper. Thanks for being the bitch that makes me laugh! 🙂

  280. Tough choice!!! I think “the book” because I freakin’ love that cover – although the bloopers are verrrrrry tempting!

    PS So totally wish you were coming to STL!!!!

  281. Paper please! So I can lend it to friends and share the fun (or alternatively prop up a leaning table – that’s something you cannot do with an ebook)

  282. I would love the paper version. I am currently putting a little money aside each month so I can buy it before summer is over. No, seriously!

    Hope you enjoy the book tour in spite of massive hordes of fans. Oh, the horror 😉

  283. Audio, would love to listen to the sound of your voice over and over and over and over…..

  284. As I can’t read UK, I would love the Audio version. I understand Audio. Unless the Audio version is in UK, then I am screwed.
    Sigh.

    (Meant to be read in Comic Sans)

  285. I have already read my paper version twice (with it’s very own book plate – IN CANADA no less!!!) but would truly love to hear you sing.

    I would love to be the blissful winner of the audio book please. 🙂

  286. Although that is one sweet cover, I’ll take the audio version because I already have the book, which I can’t stop talking about and now my family thinks you’re starting a cult. Which you totally should. When you’re done touring.

  288. I would totally give up my eternal love for Sean Connery if I could have the signed UK book. Also? I would have my cat stuffed and given to you if you would add an Atlanta date to your book tour. I mean, he’s not dead. Yet. He’s a really crotchety, confused 14-year-old Snowshoe who like Doritos and biscuits with honey. But, as soon as he kicks off, he’s yours. If you come to Atlanta. Otherwise, no dice.

    BTW. You’re book makes me laugh. Really big, loud guffaws that cause my husband to wonder what the fuck I’m reading. But I don’t tell him, because it’s our little secret. Sssssshhhhhhh…..

  290. I’d love the audio version. I’d love to hear these stories in your own voice.

  291. Paper edition please!! I was so bummed out that I couldn’t get it here right away! Congratulations on your first book!

  292. Between FL and MD you should make a pit stop in NC so my book doesn’t feel left out 🙁

  293. I would totally want the UK version – because the typography on the cover is great!

  295. My husband informed me that I had better get him a ‘great anniversary present’ because he got the paper version for me.

    So I think turnaround would be fair and I should get him the audio version. I’d win bigger if I got the audio version for free…

  296. Audio, please. I’m in the midst of finals week for school and I should be writing a research paper, yet all I’ve been doing is reading your book. Such a good student, srsly.

  297. p.s. – you should swing the tour through Las Vegas… I’d be happy to join you in the restroom for drinks and laughs!

  299. Luckily i’m in England so i’ll get that when mine arrives can’t wait!! An audio version would be cool tho especially good for the journey to work. Sure you don’t want to.come visit here in good old England? I know a few fans who’d love you to sign their book!? 🙂

  300. Audio! I already have the e-version. A friend and I were bugging your Twitter a few weeks ago about coming to Georgia. Apparently you missed the memo. You make my heart smile.

  305. I’d love the audio version, to keep me company on my 800+ mile drive to Canada this summer!

  306. I’ve bought the Kindle AND paperback version! Love love love this book!

  307. I would really like the audio version, please. I can’t wait for you to get around to blogging about Dallas. that was…intense.

  308. I would LOVE a paper copy more than Copernicus loves plotting his most adorably horrifying homicides. Yes, more. And that really is saying a lot.
    xx

  309. Oh man, I think an audio version would be pretty cool since I already have the written version (albeit the US printing.)

  312. Audio please! I own the book and I cannot wait to hear you read it! <3

  313. Audio. That way I can pretend we’re bosom buds and continue stalking you very, very silently. In a complimentary, uncreepy way, of course.

  319. I would like the audio version, so I can listen to your wisdom while I “work out.”

  326. Paper please!! And a book signing in CA would be lovely, too!

  328. If it was anyone other that you yourself reading/singing, I would say paper, but given the circumstances — please please please please please I want the audiobook so much please please please!

  330. Paperback please! The UK cover is way cooler than the US version. 🙂

    Didn’t even realize there is an audiobook version. That had to have been a ton of fun to narrate. I’ll have to check that out soon!

  333. Ooh, ooh, paper please! And if you decide to extend your tour to the UK, that would be super too!

  334. Paperback. I just saw that you’re coming to gaithersburg and I am so freaking excited!!!! I’m totally attending the shit outta that book fair. And if I don’t win, I’ll buy a book anyway.

  336. Paper, please. Also, can I just say I’m sitting here wondering how in the hell you’re coping with the tour. I mean physically and mentally. I would be a total basket case. I’m such a baby when traveling. I need to go to bed early and not see people until the last possible moment. I’m tired all the time and I eat too much because I’m not at home where I can control calories. That sort of thing. How are you pulling this off? Aside from brushing your teeth with Clearasil, I mean.

  337. I’d love to hear you reading the audio version please.

  338. Would it be asking too much for the paper version and a stop in Chicago??! If so I’ll just take the stop in Chicago 🙂

  341. Hi! I just finished reading the book today and I loved it! I enjoyed reading the book during my commute and laughing like a maniac in the subway while people looked at me funny. I am not ashamed to admit that I also cried a bit in one part while I was walk-reading on my way to work. I have loved you for years and now I love you even more. Big hug.

  342. I would love the paper cover! This is a great book!! I’m reading it for the second time!

  343. I dig the paper version. 🙂

    Also, if one of those tour stops happens to be in St. Louis, I will make you cupcakes. 🙂

  345. Audio would be…different. I don’t generally like listening to books but you’re totally different and it seems like that would be an awesome experience.

    On a side note, you’re going to all sorts of weird states where I forgot people actually live there, but New England loves you too! Even if we never get to see you, I guess just know we totally love you.

  346. Both! Either! But really, the audiobook would be amazing. However, it may lead to injury as I flail off the elliptical machine at the gym while laughing uncontrollably. 🙂

  348. I would LOVE the paper version! That cover is awesome! I just found out that you’ll be in my hometown (Gaithersburg) but I wont be here that weekend and I’m pretty upset about it. A signed version would be out-of-this-world awesome!

  349. I’d be honored to have the audio edition of a book from someone who makes me smile and laugh more than 99.9999999% of the other people on the planet (including almost all professional comedians).

  351. And my head has just exploded with the difficulty of deciding between the UK version of the paper book and the audio version. The small scraps of brain left are murmuring, ‘audio.’

  352. I would love either one of them….and thank you…for making my entire DAY every time I read your blog. Today…I read the chapter on the post-it notes you left for your husband. I cannot stop laughing and people at work are looking at me strangly.

  353. Paper please! This is the most fun I’ve had reading anything in a very long time. 🙂

  356. Me me me mememememememe please! That would possibly help to make up for me missing your Dallas book signing. I would love to have the audio version, pretty please/thanks. I love that cover but I already have the book and would LOVE to hear you singing the titles and the blooper reel! And the extra chapter! Yay!

  357. I would adore the paper version, but would accept the e version. I’m hoping you come to Denver. I’m broke (on disability) so I haven’t yet bought it. WOULD LOVE SO MUCH TO WIN IT! It would make me tremendously happy! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! Also, I had a panic attack earlier today, and thought of you and felt not alone. Thank you. <3

  359. ATLANTA!!! ATLANTA!!! ATLANTAATLANTAATLANTA!!!!

    Maybe you should come to Atlanta, otherwise I just might not stop yelling…

  360. PAPER!!!!!!!!
    But.. I would forgo it if you would come to Canada. I would like it even more if you would come to Toronto, to my house, in my bathroom. We can hide in the tub together. I make good wine slushies and my hubbys a chef so he can slip us food under the door.
    Please, will you come to my bathroom.
    xo

  361. Audio if you read it. Paper if you don’t. Thanks…oh, and Will Weaton tweeted about you! Love that!

  362. that cover is AMAZING. I’d love the paper version 🙂
    I was dying to see you when you came to Los Angeles, but unfortunately I had to work that day 🙁

    Laura

  363. I would totally love the audio. If I don’t win, I will probably buy it.

  366. Oo! Mine’s a signed first edition. Now it’s extra special. 🙂 Friends of mine are totally going to squee that you’re coming to Maryland. And to Gaithersburg, not less. Needless to say you’ll find friendly faces to welcome you there.

    Print, if there’s still a running to be had. I really love the font on the cover. 🙂

  367. Audio, chickie! I want to hear you get your read on! Whoo hoo!!!!!!!!

  369. Oh I was thinking it was more like… tentacles than guts… but either way… it’s interesting. My dearling celestial sister managed to get me a copy of your book, signed by you of course, in San Antonio. Next best thing to seeing you IRL of course. So that’s the long way of saying I’d love the Audiobook 😉

    Shawna

  370. audio version purdy please…..i’d die to hear you sing the titles 🙂

  372. You had me at “singing the titles”… Audio version, please!

    Plus, I think I can argue with my fiance its relevance in our library when it’s the author’s voice reading the book… can’t say the same for Douglas Adams. 😛

  374. Even though that cover is awesome, I totally need to hear you reading some of those stories! So, I’m going for the audio book.

  375. wab <– that's sound in Klingon… I'd like the audio version please 🙂

  376. So the bff and I are driving down to New Orleans from Delaware this summer and the audio-book would be awesome for the drive down as we are both huge fans of yours.

  377. I would love the audiobook so I can listen to it on my Kindle Fire!

  378. UK Version – because of the kick-ass cover and I may have smeared peanut butter on my 1st edition US version. . . crossing my fingers!

  379. am i unable to enter said contest because i live in Ireland and not the uk because i would like the paper version to keep me company during my hour long poo that actually only takes 2 minutes but i can never quite make myself leave because the quiet, serenity and dampness of the loo makes it feel like a cave that I could forever hide in to forget about the weirdos lurking outside the door.

  381. as enticing as all the extra perks of the audible version are, I shot my wad on my new life here in France and don’t have a player. I would love a paper copy and I’d probably wet my pants if it were signed.

    (hey that paper version might come in even handier …)

    I remember you when …. did yourself proud, girl. and all of us, too. xx

  382. Definitely the audio! I’ve already purchased and read the paper version twice! Just read it twice, not purchased it twice…sorry 😉

  384. Paper Please! I need this! I read the sneak peek on Amazon and am in LOve!

  386. Paper…no audio…oh I don’t know. I have the US version of the print, but I love the look of the UK version. Okay, audiobook it is then.

  388. as awesome as the UK paper version is, I would like the audio book version!!! Please “randomly” select me

  393. audiobook by preference (I mean, come on, you’re singing the titles there!!!!!)

  397. I’m in the UK, can I play for the UK version of the book? 😀 I LOVE what they have done with the title!! Have fun on the tour — I wish I could be there!!!

  398. Any Jenny is good Jenny. Paper, please. But any Jenny would be fine.

  399. paper. Love the cover, already have the audio book. Sadly, we finished it yesterday. Husband thought the bonus chapter was the best chapter of the book.

  400. Sweet Jeebus, come to the midwest, puh-LEASE! And should I win, I would love the paper version, but I would shank an infant for the audio version as well. I’m not picky.

  401. OMG I was so hoping to get your book for my birthday but I didn’t so I was going to buy the e-book from my desk to read the second i get off work….. so Audiobook.

  402. I’ve been a lurker for a long time but my relationship with audio books is passionate, so please, please, audio, please. xo -Kate

  404. I really wish we had gotten that UK cover! So I’ll put my name in for the paper version.

  405. Getting a signed audio book would be the greatest thing since metal chicken statues.

  415. This is sooooooo hard to decide. I want the dust jacket of your UK book, I love the font of the title and your name. But I really like hearing things in your voice – so I chose the audio book. Pick me, pick me, pick me! P.S. Listening to your read a chapter at your LA stop (with Soliel) was really a treat.

  416. Paper please! The cover is sooo fun! (But as much as I reallly really do want it, I already have a signed US paper copy and a signed audiobook, and a signed “put a bird on it” bag, so maybe you should give it to someone who needs it more than me… plus in my head you are my best friend so i totally win)

  419. I would LOVE the audiobook! And maybe you could add at Tennessee stop to your tour? I’d even take an Atlanta one 🙂

  421. Put me in for the audio book please! I look forward to making my workouts, housecleaning, and car rides much more fun.

  422. Ohh I really want the audio one, because I know the out takes will be AWESOME!!!

  424. Although, I would also like the paper version, please, as the cover is different from the one I have.

  427. Audio!! While the UK cover of your book is awesome, who wouldn’t want to hear you singing chapter titles & a blooper reel? Also, it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to get to a signing, cos I’m pretty sure you’re not makin’ it to rural Virginia…

  430. Pick Me! Pick Me! Audio version, please, ’cause I have the print, and want to listen to you tell the stories in your own voice.

  434. Paper please! I love the cover. Congrats on being a New York Times Best Seller! You deserve it. My plan is to continue moving copies of your book to the front of every store I go in.

  436. I pre-ordered the hardback book and devoured it as soon as I was able. Would love the audiobook, because I imagine hearing you read it is the only thing that would possibly make it better!

  439. Ooooh! The audio version — I already have the paper version 🙂

  440. I would love to have the audio version. The book is awesome. You have no idea how many people I’ve recommended it to already. One immediately bought the Kindle version this morning after I sent her the links to a couple of your stories!

  441. Come to Seattle!!!!!
    Paper please 🙂 (Imagine that said with a snooty British accent; not a normal, working class accent, but some high falutin’ snobby accent. And I’d like a scone with a side of clotted cream please. I expect that comes with all UK versions.)

  442. PAPER!!! Man that UK cover is cool. Why are we North Americans so boring?!? Sigh. Oh well, it’s what’s inside that counts right? And *that* is funny as hell. Your book is getting me through bad patches with annoying co-workers. But my colleague across the hall keeps having to ask if I’m crying or laughing really hard. Usually it’s both: crying from laughing so hard. Thank you for this wonderful gift of laughter! (And yet sorry if I’m laughing at you, but you made me do it.)

  443. That’s awesome of you to give away the UK version. It looks amazing! I’m not putting my name in the drawing though because I think you deserve the revenue of a purchased book. 😀

    But ya, yet another example of your awesomeness.

  449. I would love a paper version! I wish you were stopping in St. Louis on your tour!

  451. UK version please… I appreciate all the extra “u”s they toss in there for good humour.

  452. oh and paper 🙂 there’s nothing like a book stained in yellow cheetos fingerprints!

  453. I would love a paper version. I have it on kindle, but you can’t exactly autograph a kindle copy. Well… you can, but it might make it difficult to read all my other books. 🙂

  458. Audio version please. I read the book already (kept my husband up with my laughin), and I only imagine that it will be that much better listening to you actually tell the stories.

    BTW, heard there is a shortage of Xanax because some new author on tour has been eating them like candy. Know anything about that? 😉

  463. I am totally a slow reader, but I am enjoying your book thoroughly. You are really courageous to be so forthcoming. Best of luck on the rest of the tour.

  464. Audio…it would be wonderful to hear you read to me. I hope Chicago is one of those dates that gets added.

  466. audio, pretty please. i don’t think i was done gushing uncontrollably at your NY appearance about how much i LOVE you. do i get points for not stalking you on 86th St. after the signing? 🙂 xxxooo

  467. I’ve already finished your book, so the audio version would be great!

  468. Tulsa! Tulsa, Tulsa, Tulsa! Come to Tulsa! Also, while the Brit cover is awesome, I neeeeeeed the audiobook ’cause I’ve never seen/heard a blooper reel for a book before. That and it is so going onto my iPod.

    Also, come to Tulsa!

  472. Would LOVE the audio! Already read it on my Kindle, but to hear it in YOUR voice would be beyond awesome!

  473. PS: My husband says “You’ll be bouncing off the f###ing walls if you get one from her!” in his adorable English accent. 😀 (I’m American! 😀 )

  475. Really torn. I love holding a paper book but with audio, I could listen in my car. Which is way safer than reading in my car. Okay, okay, okay. Audio!!

  477. Paper!! I so wish you’d come to NC/SC/GA area on this tour!

  479. The audiobook would be awesome just because you read it yourself!

  480. Also? I realized I can’t fucking spell.

    Ahem. First paragraph sentence should read: “Snowshoe who likes Doritos” and that second paragraph “you’re” should be “your”. This is why I leave the book writing to you.

  481. Audio, please!! That way I can laugh my way through the dishes and laundry and drudgery that is my glamorous life. <3

  484. Wow, winning this will be almost as statistically improbable as winning the next mega-millions drawing. That said, Audio, please!

  485. Did you read on the UK audiobook version or was it your alter-ego Persimmon Pennywhistle? I feel like I’d have to get into my UK character to listen to it (Basil Hogplum).

    Godspeed on the rest of your book tour young lady.

    Pip pip cheerio

    P.S. Now, I’m hungry for Cheerios. Thanks.

  486. paper please! audio defeats the purpose of the book smell, but is very good for the illiterate.

  487. I would love a signed UK paper version . I know I said earlier to give it to someone else if I won, disregard . I want it.

  488. I’m thinking sarcastic thoughts about subtlety, but would love an audio version! I already have the hardback and the Kindle :0

  491. After reading the book electronically, I’d love to hear the blooper reel. I’ve told my best friend if she doesn’t buy it soon, when I visit her in July I’m bringing a copy because she just has to read it. An audio copy would be an even better gift 🙂

  493. Audio book please! – I thought i had commented before but i dont see it 🙁

  494. AUDIO! I love singing and bloopers!! Is there bloopers of you singing… cause that may just be too much awesomeness for me…

  495. I’m sooo bummed. I arrived in Dallas last Thursday when you were doing the book signing, but I arrived too late to go. 🙁 And now you are doing one 4 hours from my house (in Miami), and I can’t go because of kid’s activities. Don’t you want to “swing through” Orlando, FL so I can get a signature, too?

  497. Want paper..please..pretty, pretty please..*sad-puppy dog face*I looked out the window today and saw my 70 something year old neighbor groping his 50 something year old (supposedly gay, but guess not) ‘friend’..I could totally use your book instead of eye-bleach.

  498. I would love to have the audio book! We have a road trip coming up and that would be so awesome!

  500. Audio!! Audio!! However, I worry if listening to it in the car would cause me to have an accident from laughing too hard while also yelling at my GPS to stop judging me. So maybe the paper back would be better. Safer, maybe…I don’t know. I’ll leave it up to you.

  502. I’d rather give you the money by purchasing a copy myself. Come to Atlanta, pretty please? With sugar AND sprinkles on top?

  503. Audio, all the way. I need to add a little (more) dysfunction to family car trips. It’s good for my kids to see what happens when bladders get old and are pushed to hysterical limits. Builds character. And, it’s really embarrassing to a 12 year old boy to see his mom pee her pants.

  505. Paper, no! Plastic. No, paper. Yes definitely plaper.

  506. OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! You’re finally coming kinda near me!! YAY! Now, I have to hitchhike to Gaithersburg… and I want the AUDIOBOOK!! :-*

  507. I already listened to the audiobook. Hilarious! I hope you make it to Boston!

  508. I would love the paper version ! This way I will have it to pass down to the next generation! I’ll find something dead and stuff it if i am chosen! or I’ll have my nephew stuff for you, he is good! Bribery works both ways!

  509. the UK version is so pretty! but i have the US hardcover and am dying to know what’s in that bonus chapter. plus I think your voice is sweet. And I imagine the only thing that could make your stories funnier would be you reading them.

    audiobook pretty please 🙂

  510. I would love a paper copy to give to my ex-wife (who is also my best friend).

  511. I almost threw my laptop and cancelled all plans on May 10, I couldn’t believe you were coming to Lansing! And then I read it was Skype (insert sad face). I suppose I could settle for the paper version of the book though to soothe my sadness.

  512. Of course I want the audio version… Singing Titles?? Bloopers? Who can say “no” to that??!!!

    Also.. Gaithersburg, MD??!! HUZZAH!!!! See you on the 19th!!! Yay!!!!

  513. audio! oddio! oddeo!

    –odeofun 🙂

    or something. OH JUST GIMME. TAKE MY MONEY WOMAN

  515. Wow, would LOVE to hear your voice on the audio book! It would be fun to share your stories with my best friend on our next road trip.

  516. I would LOVE to have an Audiobook! Having you read it will make me laugh even harder. And I couldn’t listen to it in the car and be laughing my ass off and freak people out. And then they would try to tune into the station they think I’m listening to, but they can’t because I’d be listening to you on my audiobook.

  518. Paper please!!! I would love to have a version of this awesomeness to put on my coffee table in full view of everyone! 🙂

  520. I would be beyond grateful for any version, and would repay you by having you sign the strangest thing EVER!

  521. Oh, it looks like someone had fun with the fonts on the cover of the UK version. I approve. I would love to have the UK book. (Not that I’m not curious to hear your audiobook. Do you have a UK version of your audiobook with you reading in a British accent?)

  522. I would like the actual book, because books on tape aren’t *really* books.

  524. So excited for the 9th! You spelled Cincinnati wrong but I forgive you.

  528. Audio, unless you have board books, with an almost 3 year old that seems to be the only type of book I can read, well except for tween literature (40 year old women hanging head in shame)

  535. Very disappointed you are coming to MD, but on Shabbat and I won’t be able to make it. Hope you will come back again!

  540. Paper version please because you’ve just reminded me why e-readers suck. I want my kids to be able to read your book when I’m dead!

  543. Audiobook!!! LOVED hearing your words in your own voice in Dallas!!!!

  544. The choice… It’s too hard! You’re making me think, and that hurts 😉 Have to go with the paper version, just ’cause of the cover. Congrats on all the success, you deserve it!!!

  548. The paper version, please, if I’m lucky enough to be selected!

  550. I need more whimsy in my life. Paper please! Thanks so much!

  552. The paper version just looks too awesome. Fox Mulder agrees.