Subtle bribery

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Random Crap

I’m still in full tour mode (next stop Florida!) so to make it up to you for being MIA I’m giving out a signed copy of the UK version of my book and a signed copy of the audiobook (which includes an extra chapter, me singing the titles, and a blooper reel).  All you have to do is leave a comment saying whether you want the paper version or the audio version and I’ll randomly select some winners.

The UK edition is a tad more whimsical on the outside. Same guts though.

In other tour news, looks like I’ll be adding a few more cities to the tour so I’ll keep you posted on that.

I’m doing in-store Skype events if you happen to be in Cincinatti’s JOSEPH-BETH BOOKSELLERS May 9th or Lansing, Michigan’s SCHULER BOOKS & MUSIC on May 10th.  (They’ll have signed bookplates on-hand.)  Also, I’m signing books in person in Florida this Friday, and in Gaithersburg, MD on the 19th.  I’ll add some more dates soon, and then I’ll turn into a hermit for the rest of my life, so if you want a signed copy of my book you better strike now before I go into seclusion forever.

A huge thanks to each and everyone one of you for supporting me on this terrible and wonderful roller coaster.  I know there have been book shortages around, but the good news is that the books out right now are all first editions so if you can find one you’ve got a collectors item.  One that will probably really be worth something several decades after we’re all dead.

PS.  If you want to buy the UK version it comes out on May 10th and you can get it at Amazon UK, Waterstones, and Independent UK bookstores.

UPDATED:  Winners ~ Daryk Masterson and Rob R.  Thanks so much, everyone!

3,856 thoughts on “Subtle bribery”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I too as well as the umpteen others would like a PAPER copy of your marvelous book to be sent me /random post

  2. I would love a copy of the audio version please please please Jenny! I live in Japan so it’s quite hard for me to get paperbacks and whatnot, although my wonderful mum does send me a big box crammed full of goodies every 6 months or so. Did you know that Japanese deodorant doesn’t work? True story! Anyway, I downloaded your book on my Kindle and spent a marvellous day cackling like an old, delirious woman, much to the concern of my fellow teachers who probably thought the past few weeks had finally got to me. An audio booking of you singing would probably make my week, if not my month!

  4. Miami really isn’t Florida; we needed you in Central Florida somewhere….the land of the rat…er, uh Disney.

    Does the Canadian version have words like ‘colour’ in the book? Sometimes the meaning gets lost in the translation.

    Congrats and good luck on the rest of your tour.

  5. Pre-ordered the UK one for my daughter there. She’s the one who introduced me to your Blog. We both thing you are awesome. Save the book for someone else. I just wanted to, again, express my appreciation for your wonderful writing.

    Katy

  6. I just started reading your blog, and I have to say that I’m still cracking up at the Beyonce chicken post. So funny! I can only imagine how funny your book must be. I would love a paper copy!

  9. I’ll take the audio book, please. I already have the paper one (of course).

  10. [Singing] Iiiii want the aaaaaudio boooooook!

    (I also wonder when those book plates we all signed up for are s’posed to arrive?)

  11. Tough choice- who doesn’t love a good blooper, but the cover of the book is pretty- I’m going with paper.

  13. Audio? Paper? Audio? Paper?
    I think Paper. When you listen to Audio books on public transportation no one knows what you are listening to. If you carry around a book, you look cultivated and all growd up…well….maybe not with this book, but I’ll still take the book version thank you.

  15. My wife and I would love a print copy of the book since we already have (and have completed) the audiobook. So in picking use you A) don’t lose a sale and B) make two fans happy with one stone or book as the case may be.

  17. The paper copy! I’ll display it proudly on my coffee table and bookshelf next to my vintage Aldo Leopold and John Muir books. It’ll be like the mega awesome centerpiece of my completely random book collection.

  19. ooh ooh, audio book please!! I’ve already read the paper copy and would llllooooove to hear you tell the stories in your own voice. The voices in my head don’t do you any justice!!

  20. audio please – love the book! Please consider a tour stop in Boulder CO!

  21. Already bought the hardcopy, so may I have the audiobook, pretty, pretty, please?????

  22. Paper paper paper!! I already have the audiobook, so I know I’m spoiled, but a SIGNED COPY? Yes, please.

    Also, a side note: My dad called me tell me that he saw a chupacabra while he was taking out the trash the other day. He lives in the woods in Missouri, so it was a rare sighting, but he was unharmed.

  24. I would love, love, love the audio version. I was at Book People in Austin and I think your voice suits you!

  25. a tough choice as both have their own charm…but i am intrigued by the singing and the blooper reel, i cant even imagine what you would consider bloopers! i would cherish either, but the audio book wins my vote!

  27. Audio book please! My stuffed animals that I wish were as cool as your gently taxidermied friends may want to listen. 🙂

  28. Oh, I love the UK cover! * secretly hopes the editors sneacked some British spellings in*

  31. I bought the hard cover book in the hopes that I would be able to convince someone to get me the audio book for my upcoming birthday, so I would REALLY love the audio book. From what I have read so far the book is just as wonderful as everything you do, which makes me even more sad at the though that you won’t be making it to El Paso.

  33. Audio! I do door to door debt collections and need something to make me laugh inbetween houses so i dont kill my customers! Xoxo

  34. I would love a signed paper copy of your book. Please have mercy, I have to put my cat on Prozac!

  37. I want the audio. My hard copy just came from amazon today. I want to start reading it but I know as soon as I start it will be over too soon! Won’t want to put it down. The audio is for my husband! He’s a clone of your dad. He’s a nuisance control operator! Just last week he was trapping beavers for a local farmer. I took photos of the trapped beavers with my I-phone. I have had the BEST time asking everyone if they’d like to see a photo of my husbands beavers!!!! You should see the expressions on their faces. Course when my friends were told he was looking for beavers they thought he was on main st. You can’t make this stuff up! Love your humor! Dont stop.
    Rondi leslie

  39. Oh Oh!!!! Me! Me! I’d like the pretty, UK, paper version!!!! Please, please, please!!!!!!!

  46. The paper — love the cover. Reading is a tactile experience, kind of like sex!

    Come to Sacramento!!!!!!!!

  47. I can’t wait to hear you singing the chapter titles, so AUDIO!

    And I cannot even process the fact that you’re coming anywhere CLOSE to me… I will see you in Gaithersburg!

  49. Paper—and celebrating finding my own Beyonce yesterday! She is creating much havoc at my school… :o)

  50. I didn’t know it was possible, but the British cover is even cuter than the American one! I’d love to have either (though if I have to decide, I’d pick the book).

    Congratulations! Please, please, please plan a tour date in Seattle or Portland (or Spokane) .. if you wanted to make a visit to the tri-cities, I would even cook you dinner! I’d offer to take you to dinner, but there’s no where worth eating here.

  51. I’d love the audio version. I want to give it to my mother for Mother’s Day, but I can’t afford it (the audio version, that is, if I don’t win it I’ll buy her the a dead tree copy.)

  52. paperback, oh yes please!
    and if I am lucky enough to win I am totally playing the lotto.
    I just finished the book this week on my kindle and loved it…even my darling husband has loved the parts that I read to him.

  53. You, singing the titles? Oh man, that is too awesome even to imagine. I wonder what I could do with that? Like if I were the kind of person who could animate things, I would SO make a stop motion that would go with your song.

    Audiobook, please, (please, please, please!) and I’ll buy my own copy of the paper one. Oh wait, I already did! And I’m making my book club read it, too.

  54. Somehow that cover seems more fitting for the book. I vote for the paper! (though I’ve already read tthe US version and am now already listening to the audio… You’re welcome…)

  57. Come to Chicago! We need your awesome madness here, and I would freak out if I won the paper copy of your book!

  58. Audio!!! But how FUN is that UK cover? The Brits get all the cool stuff…..

  59. Audio please! Also, reading your book is like a trip down memory lane down to the cow arm condom, except it was a sheep and I was aiding it in giving birth. I was reading it to my bf and I had to explain it to him and he gave me a look like ” whaaaaaaat?!”. Also, you need to come to Vermont. Guaranteed attendance of 5! Give me a number, I will get people there. By force if necessary.

  63. I would love the audio! My sister gave me the paperback for my birthday and I am slowly reading it as I don’t want it to end. I would love the extras on the audio version!

  64. I just finished reading your book! Super funny!! Big fun!! I’d love the audio!

  65. Because we keep reading thought-provoking things by Anne LaMotte, and depressing things like Unbroken (I totally skipped that meeting), and we just finished the Lifeboat, so now we need something that’s more like real life. As in, totally nuts with random dead animals.

  66. Oh C’mon,
    You’re going to Lansing, Michigan and you can’t come to Minnesota? We’re way more cool than Michigan. I guarantee you would fill up the Mall of America if only you’d come sign your book here in Minneapolis.
    Oh yeah, I’d love the audio version please. But mostly, I want you to come here.
    Fondly,
    Barb in Minnesota

  68. I would LOVE an audiobook! I bought the book, but I’ve been on the waiting list at the library or the audiobook for forever!

  70. Audio! I really would love to hear that blooper reel. And the singing, of course. 🙂

  72. The whimsy of paper please! Hanging out to read your book but not sure if it will be available in Singapore

  73. Honestly? I would be whooping around my living room if I won either. Though the book cover is just delightful!

  74. Audio, please! I already own the paper version, and while I LOVE the UK version’s cover, I am dying to hear your words in your own voice. The voices in my head never sound as good as the real thing. Plue the blooper bonus would be kick-ass awesome.

  75. Goddammit, of course you’d be in Gaithersburg. That’s my boyfriend’s hometown, but he came out to live in Colorado to live with me, and now neither of us will be able to be there to see you. 😛

    But uh… I’d really super love a copy of the audiobook! Though I’ll probably try and buy a copy anyway, even if I don’t win it.

  76. Paper!
    2 of my neighbors bought your book because they heard loud snort-laughs coming from my balcony and needed to know what caused it. 6 of my friends have also bought it…which means you have 8 more fans in Seattle that would LOVE to see you…and Juanita.

  78. Aaaaahhhhhhhhh—–I LOVE THAT COVER!!!!!! (I’d like the paper version, please.) 🙂

  79. Love the cover, how come you didn’t use that one here? Paper, please!

  81. I’d be happy with either, but I do prefer paper copie of books. And that cover is brilliant!

  82. Audio please. If you get to the Seattle or Vancouver area, I’d come see you – even though I already have the book AND a bookplate.

    Enjoy your book tour. If you have plans for Italy and need a guide, I’m your gal.

  83. Oo! Pick me! I want the paper copy! On an unrelated note, you have kind eyes and great taste in taxidermy (and I’m certainly not trying to tamper with the random selection process or anything…)

  84. As tempting as the audiobook is, I have to say whimsical paper. Audiobooks are harder to eat during the apocalypse.

  85. Singing the titles? Definitely Audio! I love the book. It’s not only funnier than the Bible, it’s more informative. I can’t wait for the next one.

  86. I almost hate leaving a comment since I’ve already purchased an electronic copy and a hardback copy; however, I’d love a UK paper version. I have plenty of friends who would fight for my other copies.

  87. You are coming to MARYLAND??!!! YAY!!!!!!!! Congrats on your success. I hope I get to meet you!

    If you pick me, I’d like the paper version please.

  89. Paper 😀 I suck at listening to audio books.

    I missed you in SF – wish I could have made it 🙂 LOVE your blog!

  90. I would love to win the audio version of your book. I’ve finished the hardcover and my husband finished reading it today. We both loved it. Well done!

    Also? Please come to Boston.

  91. Rock, paper, scissors. Either. Both!! That paperback cover is bitchin’ but to hear you in audio would really bring it to life. I already have a copy and have read it, but then I could share the love with some of my lesser fortunate friends who need a good laugh more than I. Love you Jenny!

  92. Would love the paper version! Enjoy the rest of your touring!

  93. Awesome cover (Paper would be great)

    I’m glad you’re coming to Fl. I wish there was more than one stop in the state. 🙁

  94. I can’t think of anything better than kicking back with a wine slushee and listening to the AUDIO version!

  95. I would love to have either!

    Thanks for being you. You really have brightened up some rainy days for me!

  97. Paperback
    Is there ANY WAY since you will be in MD you may hit Baltimore, Delaware, or Philadelphia area? I would be there if it weren’t my daughter’s 4th birthday party. 🙁

  98. Just in case you’re not going to go anywhere else when you are in MD, I’m recruiting friends who will go in my place since I can’t skip the birthday party.

  101. I would love the audio version. I have already read the paper version two times despite it being time for finals in college. I may need to rearrange some priorities however your book is such a page turner and WAY more interesting than boring school work 🙂

  102. Audio version please!
    Come to Vermont – you would love it!

  103. SO, I already have the Kindle version, but I <3 you, and I know I would LOVE the UK version-paper please. I can't tell you the last time I bought an actual book I could hold. I will cherish it and love it and name it after an amazing diva!!!!!!!

  104. How can I choose?! I would go with paper. I love everything UK so I can read the paper book and pretend I am in London. (PS: if you read the audio book in a British accent for the UK version I would totally be down for that!)

  108. I’d like the paper book please and thank ya’ govnah’! Did that sound British? Sorry, I’m from Maine, everything sounds fancy west of Boston.

  109. I’d love the audio but I would gladly take either!

  113. paper por favor! I just watched your helpful vid re: depression and I’m so glad there are people like you out there who are open and use their popularity to help and create change. I suffered from anxiety and PPD and have been to that dark place more than I ever wish on anyone. You are an inspiration and I totally hijacked this comment thread with something completely off topic! Go me! And you, of course.

  116. I’d love the audio, but even better, I’d love to hear you read in person — come to Illinois! (C;

  120. AUDIO! I already have the book!
    PLEASE come to someplace near me! Like philly, or lancaster! OR HERSHEY PA. We have um chocolate. And snack foods. And more chocolate. And soft pretzels. And whoopie pies. And shoo fly pie!
    And now I’m hungry

  123. I cant make such a difficult decision! I want the book that I can have forever, but to hear you read it??? I could only imagine! I’m hoping you will pick me and someone more committed to their choice so you can pick for me!!!
    Please come to Phoenix !!!

  124. audio! i already have the us paper version and would love to have something to listen to on the treadmill!

  125. Dear lord, it took FOREVER to scroll down to the end of the comments! Audio please! Definitely want to hear you singing titles!!

  128. I would love the audio! Wish you were coming to Virginia on your tour!

  130. Audio, because I already have the paper edition and read it all. So it’s gone now. But in audio it would be like HAVING A WHOLE NEW BOOK!!!!

  131. Paper! Yer awesome! Does flattery help? Probably not, yer still awesome.

  132. I would love either one, but if I absolutely have to choose I choose audio. No, paper! Wait, I meant audio. No, paper definitely paper. Yeah, paper!

  133. Paper! You are wonderful! Paper! I laughed so hard I almost pee’d. Paper! Oh yes, paper was needed after the almost pee’ing. Paper! Honestly though, I laughed so hard that my side hurt. I was awesome! Paper! I want to be your friend. Paper! In a very non-creepy way. 🙂 Paper!
    Paper pleeeease!

  134. I would like the UK version of the book, please.

    Whimsy is my middle name, you know.

  135. Huzzah! Seattle, please? (She asks hopefully for the billionth time.) I would actually love the audi version because I want my husband to read your book but he usually won’t read books I recommend. Okay, he has a good reason – he’s seriously dyslexic – but I want him to love you as much as I do. Also, I’m hoping this way he’ll understand why, even though I gave in and bought your book, if you do come to Seattle (PLEASE!), I’ll prob have to buy another copy so I can get it signed! Thanks and please bring Copernicus to Seattle, he wants to hug me!

  137. I read the paper version in three days and would love nothing better than to hear your voice relaying your stories! Audio book, please!!! 🙂

  139. I just started reading the paper book about 3 days ago before bed, my daughter gave it to me as an early Mother’s Day you-have-to-read-this-now gift.

    I’m usually so busy, that having the audiobook would be easier for me to listen throughout the day.

    So, audiobook. Final answer. 🙂

  140. OOooooh! UK Version. I’ll put it right by my UK & German versions of The Secret Garden.

  141. dear Jenny,
    the paper version would be the best. birthday. present. EVER. (next to a stuffed ferret named Captain Giggly)
    hugs,
    kmack

  142. I love the cover for the UK version!! Did they not think we are whimsical enough to handle it here in the US? lol

  146. oh crap. i posted twice. erase that first one please. or maybe make it “audio” instead of “paper.” just to be fair.
    balls.
    hugs,
    k

  149. Audio! I would love to hear your dulcet tones discussing taxidermy and unauthorized penises.

  150. Audio!!! Would love to listen to on road trips with hubby!

  151. Paper… but only if you ALSO stamp a hand-print from one of your taxidermied army 😀

  152. Um…. *bites her lip* Audio. I think. Either. I would be happy with either. Gaaaah, I don’t know, existential crisis!

  154. Paper version!

    Please add some Canadian dates to your tour! We’ll give you a taxidermied beaver if you come to Toronto.

  157. I would love a paperback version so I could give it to my mom, please. I just got my hardcover in the mail and am loving it so much I don’t want to share!

  160. I would love a paper version. Relatively new reader. Thanks for making me laugh.

  162. An audiobook would be amazing. When I was reading the book, I heard it all in your voice (jeez, that doesn’t sound too creepy or anything) and bet that the real audio would be even better.

  163. Already have the download and US hardcover, would love the UK hardcover.
    Thank you.

  166. Paper please. You can give it to me when you add St. Louis to your tour dates!! (pleasepleasepleaseplease!!!)

  171. Paper! I am new to your wisdom, but I have to say that I have throughly enjoyed the blog and the book!

  172. decisions, decisions. i’ve heard rave reviews about the book and even rave-er reviews about hearing you read the book. so…i’m going with audio!!

  173. Audiobook please! I want to hear you sing the chapter titles. Thank you!

  174. I would love the audiobook!! I have already read the book (and loved it!) but I am too poor at the moment to get the the audiobook. 🙂

  176. While I would love to hear you read your own book, I’m kind of a paper freak…and that cover is AWESOME! It makes me want to doodle on my cover. But really…it’s a first edition and no doubt will be worth much more than I paid for it some day so I will not spindle or mutilate the dust jacket.

  177. Yay! You are coming to visit me! See you in Gaithersburg! And if I’m ever so lucky, I’d like paper, please. Thanks!

  179. Me, pick me. I have the market on crazy in Wisconsin. I want the paper version since in a few years the technology for the audio books will have changed and I won’t be able to listen again and again. And I promise to tell everyone about awesome you are next time I am “drunking”.

  180. The UK version’s cover looks so fun I might just have to get another copy just for kicks. 😉

  181. Audio! No one could possibly tell your story like u can. I giggle just thinking about listening to it!

  182. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE the UK version!!
    I ordered the audio book because I HAVE to hear you read your book. I already read my friends american print copy and laughed the entire way through. A little nervous about listening to the audio book in the car… but I’m not driving so maybe it will be safe?
    p.s. Thank you Jenny, for being awesome and for being open about your mental illness. Your video this week is going to be on my desktop to reference on my bad days. I had my husband watch it also, thank you for being able to explain things to him for me. <3

  184. I would love the audio version so I can listen to it in the carpool line. I don’t dare read the hardback as I would be laughing so hard that I would forget to move forward and incur the wrath of the policeman directing traffic. I guess I could get the Kindle version and have the Kindle disembodied voice read it, but it just wouldn’t be the same. I’m still laughing about your audio version of “Everybody says….”

  185. I would love either. I am not picky about free stuff. As a teacher I have learned to just say, “Yes, please.”

  187. Audio please! I would love to listen to you on my work commutes!

  188. While I’d love to hold you (er, your book), I’d prefer the audio book so I can hear the cute way you say “fuck” all the time. And I’m totally working “what the fuckness” into my daily conversations.

  189. Audio, Definitely!
    It would be awesome to have your singing voice displace the other voices in my head.

  193. Paper…audio…paper…audio…rock/paper/scissors/lizard/spock…audio wins.

  195. Since I have the plain ole American version I would LOVE the UK version. Then it’s a set.

  196. UK paper version! I already have the audiobook. Your accent is charming; especially the way you end ‘ing’ words with a cross between a and a hard sound. I don’t understand why you think your voice doesn’t fit you. How could it not? It is you. I love your work. Thank you for writing.

  197. I will take whatever you give me! Just started reading your blog and I love it! The funny you. The not so funny you. Thanks for being real and yourself! Either. Both. I’m all for it!!!!

  201. I got my copy of your book via pre-order and L-O-V-E it. Your life is the most relatably un-relateable story I’ve ever read! I am also celebrating Mom’s Day by ordering myself a passle (or is it passel? — must be passel) of stuff from your Zazzle store (hey, Zazzle rhymes with passel.. maybe it’s pazzle? ) I adore you and the others that follow you here, for all their awesomeness in helping out with red dresses, silver ribbons and the like. I am so happy to be in a place where I can support you by buying stuff from your store, then giving it away! The word must be spread! There’s no stopping the signal! *runs off to protest something, though not sure of what… #RebelWithoutAClue #XanaxSavedMyLife

  202. I pretty much need to hear you singing the titles, so audio please!

  208. That’s a toughie, but I’d have to go with…..paper!! 😀

  209. I would love the audio version. 😀 By the way, you are amazing. 🙂

  210. Already have three copies of the book but would love an audio. i SOOO would love to hear you singing the titles =)

  211. Audio! I need laughter that brings me to tears on the drive to work.

  213. Audio!! I live for bloopers.

    You are fantastic! Love the book!

  214. I should totally say the brit book so I could give it to my mom, but I totes want the audio one for meeee! Hope I win!

  215. I would love the audio version. I already ordered a copy of the book, and it will be here next week!

  216. I would like either, but I don’t know that that is a valid choice, so I officially choose the audiobook, because then I can play it when I drive my mom around (everyday) and maybe it will keep her from talking while she laughs and laughs and laughs. Hopefully. Please… anything to get her to be quiet!

  217. I would lubba lubba the book version! I’d read it to my live pets and love it to death!

  219. I don’t know why your blog is calling this a duplicate comment … except that I’m probably being completely unoriginal in my small sad attempt at humor, but I didn’t read through the 2,000+ comments, so I don’t know.

    I’ll switch it up and try again … politely now … I would be delighted to win the audio book! Pick me, random number generator! And don’t believe whatever that spambot detection doodad tells you about duplicate comments. Lies, all lies.

  221. AUDIO! Or paper – reading it to myself in a British accent might be entertaining. No, AUDIO. 🙂

  223. You must come to Portland, Oregon! The audio version would be nice.

  224. Holy cow, over 2,000 comments! I know my chances of being selected are slim, but if chosen, I would LOVE to receive an audio copy! It would be great to have something to listen to on road trips, because my husband instantaneously falls asleep whenever he’s in a car. =P

  227. YOU’RE COMING TO MY TOWN. MY OWN LITTLE GAITHERSBURG. MY TOWN!!!!!!!!! (and for your contest, I’d like the audio version since I already have the hardcopy — WHICH I’LL BE BRINGING TO THE BOOK FAIR TO HAVE YOU SIGN!!!!!!!!!!)

  230. So glad that your book has been such a great success. And paper would be lovely.

  235. OMG, i would love a copy! Audio, but I would gladly take either version! I was just thinking today that I can’t just get a kindle version like i normally would because im going to probably want to lend it to people so they can bask in the awesomeness. I havent actually read your book yet, but i have faith that its going to be a “must show to everyone” book. <3

  236. I would love a paper one. The audiobook sounds brilliant, but my partner is in hospital post surgery at the moment and I feel the surly old man in the next curtained off area would not be able to appreciate Hamlet von Schnitzel the same way via audiobook.
    Also, doesn’t Hamlet von Schnitzel just look totally in his element in the UK cover? he is all like “Thus it is so destined, that I am the most DRAMATIC, Bitches!”

  237. I would give REAL money to hear the audio version of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened”…oh wait, I’m trying to get a copy for free…

  238. I’m torn. I want the audio one, to see if you sound the same as the Jenny in my head. I’m also scared I won’t be able to tell the audio version apart from the Jenny already in my head. Like identical voice twins. They’ll start playing tricks on me. Oh, wait. I think they already are playing tricks.

    Maybe, you should give me the UK paperback. As I read it, I can create a British Jenny voice in my head, so I can tell the two voices apart. Oh, wait. What’s to keep them from switching places on me too? Darn identical voice twins! They’re too sneaky.

    Maybe, you should just do a small book signing at our office in NC? We have a kitchen which can hold several giant platters of nachos & a ton of booze (I work in a small law firm. Alcoholism is kind of expected). Plus, we have three bathrooms and several desks for you to choose from should you need a place to chill. I can direct you to the best one of each. Pretty please? Will you come?

  239. I would really enjoy the audio book, and to hear the titles sung!

  241. Paper please . . . because I think I will die if I do not have a book with that cover. Though audio would be handy too. If you give me one, it is likely that I will buy the other.

  242. Audio audio audio. Please, I need something I can listen to on my headphones while my adorable one and two year olds scream my name at the top of their lungs in falsetto because I can’t seem to cook dinner fast enough for their liking.

  244. Paper, please! Can’t wait to put Hamlet on my office desk and tell the entire world how great your book is!
    You rock Lady-you really rock!!!
    Thanks!

  247. Audio Version! I spend much too much time in the car, plus I want to hear your lovely voice.
    A

  248. Paper or audio, I’m really not picky – they both sound equally hilarious! Wish I wasn’t so far away in Australia so I could come to one of the stops on your tour!!

  251. I’d love the paper version. I love that font! How come everything in England is better than we’ve got here? All the guys have sexy accents and you can take a freaking underground train to France to buy wine. And now they’re flaunting their font superiority. Bastards.

  252. I need the book version. You see Justin, my new hubby (you know him as fatelvis04@gmail.com from Beaumont, TX) really wants to read your book, but I bought the Kindle version, and I’m reading it on my Kindle on my lunch hour. So he may never get to read it because it’s my Kindle and I need it. He doesn’t have a Kindle. Only books. It’s very complicated.

  253. As much as I LOVE LOVE the UK version paper copy, I just ordered a copy for myself, so audiobook please 🙂

  257. Omg you SING the titles?!?!? Audio audio audio!!!! I would die!!!!!!!

  258. I am new to your blog and LOVE IT! An audio version of your book would be awesome. 🙂

  259. Is the UK version of the audiobook you with a British accent? It doesn’t need to be said, but that would be all manner of fun.
    I’d love the audiobook. It would match my book. And, strangely, my eyes…

  260. I love the design of the UK version, but I would love to own the audio version even more. That way I could keep it on my iPhone all the time and listen to bits when I was having a bad anxiety day. 🙂

  263. Audio please!
    I love reading everything you write and I personally think that you are amazing. Thank you for all that you do, I don’t think you realize how many times you have saved me from tumbling back into a dark place.
    Also, I think you should book tour in Chicago. Or Milwaukee. Or anywhere remotely close to there. I will seriously drive 5 hours just to meet you, but you have to come to the Midwest! Please and thank you 🙂

  264. Paper for shizzle!! I have heard your book is fantabulous!!!

  265. Why didn’t the US get a more whimsical cover!? I’m jealous! I would love the book, please! 😀

  266. I would love the paper version! The cover of the UK version is quite festive. 🙂

    I’m really hoping that Chicago is on your tour itinerary!

  269. So would love the UK book. I’m broke, and I’m like number 502 on the request list at the library, and I AM DYING TO READ THIS BOOK. I need to read this book.

  270. The road to the finish line is littered with the blood of slow villagers. I dont want to be one want to be one of those slow villagers. PLEASE pick me for the audio book. And i already bought two books as gifts for others.

  271. Paper please, but if I win, which I doubt is possible, and all you have left is audio… I’d love it almost as much. Thanks!

  272. Audio!!!

    I would gladly trade you the audio for this lovely bag of magic… It’s invisible… DON’T JUDGE ME!

  278. Ooh, paper please! I’m digging the font they used on the UK cover.

  279. Paper. Otherwise I’ll never get to know what is in it with my 3 kids always around. I lock myself in the bathroom with a good book and read while I pretend to tend to my bodily functions for lengthy periods of time. Don’t tell my library. Pretty sure taking library book into the restroom is against the rules.

  280. Audio please!!! I have already bought your paper copy and adore it!!! It would be the bee’s knees to have the audio book as well!!!

    P.S. Please come to Canada for a book signing. Your Canadian fans love you too!!!

  281. I would love to have the paper version. That font on the cover is adorable.

  283. I would LOVE to have the paper book. It is something I want to keep forever!

  284. Paper, please. Thank you for making the world a bit brighter and a whole lot funnier!

  285. I lived in Surrey for 4 years, and there is a lovely American community that would be thrilled to have you visit! Summer is not a good time, as all the ex-pats head back across the ‘pond’, but I could introduce you to a fabulous independent bookseller in Cobham. Please let me know if I can help you make some local connections. Love the book! All the best, now and always!

  288. Its hard to decide, but I’d have to say the audiobook. I have depression so I think listening to it and hearing the blooper reel would be sure to make me laugh (which I desperately need most days)!

  289. The paper version! Seriously, that cover looks like it came straight out of Narnia. You know, if Narnia was full of dead mice holding skulls. Which kind of would have made for an even better read, now that I think about it. Ok, so for your next book, I request a retelling of the Chronicles of Narnia, but with dead mice instead of children, and maybe like, an ancient near-toothless cat instead of a lion. Also, there should probably be some unicorns in there, because really we’re too far down the rabbit hole to stop now.

  290. I would love the audio book to hear your dulcet tones singing out the titles!

  291. From one Texan Jenny to another: may I please have the audio book? LOVED the book, by the way!

  294. Um, I just want to hear the muscial version of the book, so definitely Audio.
    P.S. I read the e-book version on a flight to San Diego today whilst sitting next to two middle-aged women who became less chatty with each other when I got to the chapter about needing an Arm Condom. I giggled. They decided to stop getting up to go to the bathroom every five minutes. Being that I was in the aisle seat, I appreciated that they were suddenly cured of their incontenence. So, thanks. 🙂

  295. Oooh, pick me, pick me! I’ve got to get my hands on your audio book, one way or another!

  296. You are so authentically hilarious! I would love to hear the audio version now that I have read the e-book 🙂

    Please never stop being you! (and sharing it with us)

    Rebecca

  297. Audio please! I read the paper version and LOVED it. My favorite title name is Why Neil Patrick Harris would make a good mass murderer. God I love NPH. I bet he smells like glitter and lube.

  298. Audio please. Oh and tell Ferris Mewler he’s hot! I have a crush.

  299. forgot the http:// on my website.

    You are so authentically hilarious! I would love to hear the audio version now that I have read the e-book 😀

    Please never stop being you! (and sharing it with us)

    Rebecca

  301. I would love the audio version, even though I read everything you write in your voice any way.

  302. I want the paper version!!!!!!!!!! (but will be just as stupid excited for the audio version! Please and thank you!)

  304. Oh, I SO want the audio version so I can listen to it while I drive 5 hours to see my fiance… I’ll risk the accident I might have from laughing so hard. 🙂 Thanks for the chance to win!

  305. Audio, please! My book arrived today. Can. Not. Wait. to read it.

  306. Another dreary comment hoping for an audio book and BEGGING YOU TO COME TO TORONTO.

    Ahem. Lost a little of my Canadian composure, there. So sorry.

    Do come to Toronto.

  308. I read your book non-stop and you are truly wonderful! If I had the paper UK version, I could lend the US one out to everyone. Love to you and Victor, too.

  310. Oh, that’s a tough choice! I think I would like the paper version…there’s just something about turning the pages of a book that makes it more exciting. Also, it has a taxidermied rodent on the cover acting out Shakespear…and you can’t get more boss than that.

  315. Audio please! I would LOVE to hear you talking about the deer sweater. I think I cried (with laughter) for 24 hours each time I visualized it! Pleeeeeease come to Canada. Toronto would be great! :o)

  316. Ooh, Ooh, audio book! Already read the paper version. Loved it!

  319. I would *love* to have the audiobook!!

    I would also like to say that I love you so very much. You are one of my favorite people ever!!! Thank you for everything. Really.

  321. Audio please. I adore your voice! Love that you got praise form Augusten Burroughs on your very whimsical euro cover. Squeeeeee! Total fangirl!

  322. I opened this as I was doing facebook stuff, and sidetracked me read “subtle bribery” then your first line “I’m still in full naked mode” and my head went…”wait, why are people bribing her to get naked????” and then I read it again and realized that I was completely wrong…and a little disappointed that you didn’t have a good story about being bribed to get naked on your tour…
    And because it’s you bribing us with awesomeness…I’d like the audio. 🙂

  324. Would love the audio version. I have a horribly long commute and having the opportunity to listen to you while I drive would actually make me enjoy the drive!

  326. Paper! Pretty pleeeeeeeeease. Who would not want that whimsical cover?? I have been reading your hysterical tome to my hubby. He has cancer and hearing him laugh is the most wonderful thing. You have no idea how many sleepless nights and tiring days your humor has gotten me through. 🙂

  328. Paper please, I have the version on my Nook i can’t wait to read but my kids decided to get sick.

  329. Audio please. or maybe just a copy of the blooper reel. I’m sure that’s pure awesome.

  330. Paper please! or audio…or paper…or…decisions, decisions… 😉

  333. Oohhhh! I totally want to hear TheBloggess reading to me. Audio version please.

  334. You are really going to make me choose? That is so unfair. And downright unBloggessy. But I guess I’d have to go with audio. And only because you sing. That’s some furiously happy kind of shit.

  335. Audio please, because even though I personally like paper, how can singing possibly be passed up??

  336. Audio! Or Print. I already have the Ebook but I’d love hear you read it. But I’d also like to share the print book with friends!

  338. I’m old school – I prefer tree books, so the paper version one please!!!

  339. If possible, the audio would be wonderful. I loved the book! I literally fell off my couch laughing and cracked part of my kindle case, it was that awesome! Great job!

  341. Paper, please. Also, I wish I was in the part of Florida where you will be. 🙁

  342. Audio copy, gurl! I was in Dallas while you were in Austin and Austin when you were in Dallas! IThe audio version to hear your awesome voice or a personalized trip down here either one would be fine as restitution 🙂

    Love your work!! Keep on keepin’ on, gurl.

    – Kate

  343. Audio please! I’ve already read the book and heard your voice in my head anyway…would love to ACTUALLY hear you tell your stories! AND…I’ve begged a time or two, but I’m going to shamefully beg again — could you PLEASE add the Pacific Northwest to your tour? Boise, Portland, Seattle…or a little town in Northeast Oregon where I might happen to live, perhaps???? <3<3

  346. aw why is the UK one so fancy, I like it so I choose the the UK version

  348. I will take the audio version, because I am Lazy and would rather be read to, you can read me bed time stories. =)

  349. I would love the Paperback, but whom ever get’s this gift will be blessed. YOU are amazing and loving and you make my rainbow shine just a little bit brighter Just being a part of my virtual world. THANK YOU for everything you do. YOU are MY Inspiration Mrs. Lawson.

  350. I already have the U.S. hardcover, and the Kindle edition, so I would love to have the audio version, too! Love the book!!

  353. Paper, please! I can use it to squash rodents and send them to you!

  354. Audio book…So when my kids hear it in the van it will be in your voice instead of mine. I wonder what they will grow up remembering as I read the hardback copy to them as a bedtime story 🙂 I bet their child hood memories will be awesome!

  355. I would love the paper version. Today’s my birthday and it would be a great present.

  356. Paper, please — especially if there are lots of extraneous “u”s. I love how greedy they are with their vowels.

  357. Audio book, please ^_^ After hearing you speak in San Angelo, I would love to hear you read the whole book.

  358. I soooo need the audio version of this book! Your delivery is one-of-a-kind!!!

  359. The audio book, please! We actually already bought it, and then listened to the first half on a road trip, but now it’s on my husband’s phone and I haven’t been able to finish it! So clearly I need my own copy. 🙂

  360. Audiobook!!! Also, please for the love of bacon,please come to Portland. We have Powell’s. It’s a bookstore that encompasses an entire city block. And rain. We have lots of rain.

  363. I would like an audio book, please, ma’am, because I’m a knitter and I like to listen to things while I knit. And just in case I accidentally laugh too hard and spray snot all over my knitting, well, I’ll make sure to be working on a gift.

  364. OMG OMG you’re coming to Lansing MI and that’s AN HOUR FROM MY HOUSE!!!!! I will fucking be there! woot!!!!

    also, paper.

  365. You could bribe me with the audio version! I really want to hear that blooper real. 😉

  366. I normally would say paper, because I still like bending spines of real books. but I really really want the full effect of the jokes having them read by you the way they are supposed to sound. 🙂

  368. Paper!! Nothing like good ol’ paper!! Plus, I really wanted to know, is the book out in stores in India any time soon?!? Been looking for it!!!

  369. OMGOMGOMGPAPER! PAPER! PAPER YAY!

    (if Australia is outside your postal limits, you can send it as a gift to my mom in Minnesota. she NEEDS your book!)

    and thank you. 🙂

  371. Well, maybe after you die. I doubt it will go up when I kick. Audio, please. Thank you.

  372. Ohhh are you doing international postage? I’m in New Zealand and would love the audio version

  373. Madame, I would kindly and courteously request the version of your (mostly-true) memoirs in the version which may be heard audibly rather than the version available visually on trees which once lived in a distant forest I shall never visit. That is, of course, should my entry be chosen. Elsewise, I shall be forced to continue locking myself into a small dark closet with a camping lantern and continue reading the printed American version I currently own, giggling, trembling, and peeing myself with laughter.

    Thank you for your kind consideration.

  375. Comment number 2282??! You sure it’s random? Won’t help if I say something funny? Like Aardvaark?? I would LOVE a paper copy. I can but dream …

  377. i bought the kindle version of your book but getting the opportunity to grab a copy in British English is just too much to pass up. You see, I’m Australian and there’s a certain satisfaction to spelling hints with “s”s instead of “z”s and adding a “u” here or there that my American colleagues and friends are not expecting. This book would be shared – a LOT. Paper version please.

  379. Audio please! Please pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
    pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease
    pleasepleasewithacherryontopI’llbeyourbestfriendforeverpleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease………………………………………………………

  380. Probably waaaaaaaaay too late to the party but I’d love a signed paper copy!

  381. As awesome as the audio version sounds, I think I would like the paper version. Mostly because my husband says I don’t listen for shit, and I’d really hate to find out that he’s right.

  385. I just got my copy of the book today. I’m so excited I’m still just looking at the cover periodically and stroking it. I think I’ll start reading tomorrow. LOL

  386. paper version, pretty please.

    (I’m hoping your Random Winner Generator appreciates manners.)

  387. I don’t have anything witty to say… BUT, I did have to scroll FOREVER to get to the bottom so I could leave a comment. Does that count? I would love the audio version, well, if i’m honest with myself, I would love the signed UK version of your book too. But thats just being greedy. I have been waiting to read the book until after this horrible semester is over, because I want to enjoy and read it in all its wonderful bloggessy glory. I can’t wait. I think you are amazing.

  392. Audiobook please, because I’m buying the ebook version next week to take on a trip!

  399. Audio ! Does it count I met you at the float auction in Kyle?

  400. I already devoured the paper version- it was delicious. I’d love to hear the audio! (To be clear, I didn’t actually eat the paper one. I meant, like, I ate it with my mind. Absorbed the meanings into my brain-parts. I- oh, nevermind. If I win, could I have the audio version, please?)

  403. oooh , I like that cover, but I think i;d rather hear you read the audio version to me. Just me. ok , that’s was wierd!

  407. I would love an audio version, because your voice is like a clear ringing bell of joy. And I’ve already read your book three times, partially because I’ve packed all my other reading material. AMAZING!

  408. Audio… No paper… Wait….. Seriously, either one would be awesome since I would probably just go out and buy the other one anyways. I just want a signed copy since I won’t make ir anywhere on your tour.

  409. FANCY PAPER BOOK omg. I have no reason other than it is very fancy. I am a boring comment person. 🙁

  410. AUDIO VERSION….pretty please.

    I’m awesome, you’d like me. 😉

  411. Paper, please! Can I have the UK version? Although, if you’re doing an english accent in the audio, then I’m all for that, too!
    So excited! I put your book in my birthday wish list, but none of my friends got it 🙁

  412. I would love the audio version! I’ve just finished reading the paper book, and if I had the audio book, I could re-read it a dozen more times while I’m running errands and exercising and working. I’ll probably cause people to think I’m crazy because I’ll be giggling maniacally, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take!

    Love the cover of the UK version!

  414. Wow. This is like getting in line at Disneyland. If the furry little gods of random smile at me, I would tell them that I’d take the paper version. Then they would give me whatever the hell they felt like, because they’re gods. Even furry little ones have attitude. Which makes sense, really. They’d be the banty roosters of the universe, daring anyone to laugh and then turning them into a blue slushie or a zebra with the colors reversed. Of course, they’re the hit of all the deity parties because everyone’s making bets on who will end up as a melty treat at 7-11 when the sun rises.

  416. Audio book, for sure. And here’s hoping that you’ve added a Central Florida stop to your tour!

  417. Audio, pretty please. I lose my voice while reading it to my husband. And, well, me giggling unable to read leave him waiting. He’d like it. 🙂

  418. Would love the book. Currently reading your book on my iPhone so I have no idea where I am in it…it has over 1000 pages on the phone version. My kids think there is something wrong with me because I’m just staring at my phone and occasionally laughing out loud. And today I laughed until I started crying. My daughter got concerned that the book on my phone was making me cry. LOVE this book…exactly what I need right now!

  419. Paper. Simply put, there’s no honor fucking greater than basting in the weirdness that is the UK version signed, sealed, and delivered by THE Bloggess.

  421. I have the American hard back and I have the kindle version.
    I’ll be in London at the end of May and can by the Uk version at Daunt.
    This means I totally need the audio book!!

    Please.

  422. I’d love a copy of the Audio book!!! I love catching up on your posts at work and if I had the audio book, I could listen to it on my way to work!

  423. I love subtle (and unsubtle) bribery — paper please! And just imagine how much more it will be worth with actual tears of laughter swelling all the pages.

  424. I don’t normally like audio books, so I’d say paper, but you totally sold me with your description of the audio book. So, audio would be awesome.

  425. I would LOVE an audio copy! I’m at work, school or on the bus all day, and I’m constantly looking for things to “read” with my ears.

  431. While I seriously LOVE the cover of the UK version, I am very close to finishing the written version, so if I get picked I would have to go with the audio book. Because the only thing better then reading about (spoiler alert) your father throwing a box of ducklings in the living room just to watch his grandkids run after them is hearing you tell the tale.

  432. Audio, please. 🙂 I’m loving listening to audio books during my commute to and from work every day. Beats the flap and commercials on the radio!!

  435. Paper paper paper paper paper!!! Also, come to Little Rock? Pretty please?

  439. I’d LOVE the paper version! I’ve read the sample available, but i just don’t have the extra money right now to buy it. I have only one bra and it’s under wires are sticking out poking me in my boobs… no lie. I have to find money for that first, sorry. I know this makes you as sad as my boobs have been feeling.

  442. I’d love the audio version! I’ve already got the wordy version on my kindle!

  443. I would love to win the hard copy, because I love the cover!

  445. I would LOVE a paper copy, books remain my absolutel favourite way of reading. And then you have iot on the shelf afterwards to read and enjoy again 🙂

  447. I would absolutely positively without a doubt love to have the audio version. Really.

  454. Since there’s a UK version book on offer and I’m in the UK (Scotland, more specifically 🙂 I’d love to win the paper copy. And also because your blog is helping my daughter in so many ways, I’d love to win the book for her – not sure I’m so keen on the fact that the blog deepened her interest in taxidermy mind you – trying to explain to her grandmother why there was a magpie in the freezer was ..um…interesting!!!)

  457. Ooh, paper, please. It looks lovely and would look even lovelier in my bookcase.

  458. Paper version would be fantastic… and if there’s any chance of you doing a book tour in the UK it’d be even better 🙂

  459. I want the paper version!

    I also want to post something witty to go with this req—, demand, but I just arrived at work. So no.

  460. I would love a copy. I’m in the UK and I’ve been waiting impatiently.

  461. audiobook please 🙂
    p.s. hope it doesn’t take you 11 years or whatever to write your next book – I don’t think I can wait that long!

  462. I have had sooo much fun reading the kindle version but would love a paper real book to hold especially with that snazzy cover!! I was so SAD I couldn’t come see you in Houston!! A really big bad mean RA flare has been trying to kill me. Kind like the baby zombies! I’m sure the touring has been rough but hang in there and remember, its not just depression that lies, anxiety does too!! Go xanax!!

  465. When are you coming to Canada?? Vancouver needs more stories of your adventures in taxidermy.

    Paper would rock my world 🙂

  467. Paper please! Because I’m a Canadian living in the UK and my grandmother was a war bride – which are all entirely pointless reasons to give someone a book but still, they’re what’s on offer.

  471. I would happily accept either audiobook or paperback – if I win, you can choose for me (which I’m sure would be a thrill for you!)
    Also, I live in the UK – that earns me bonus points, surely?!
    Please pick me!

  472. I would love the audio version. I keep reading out loud to my hubby, he really needs to hear for himself!

  473. I would TOTALLY love the audio version – I’m reading it right now on my iPhone, which initially was really annoying. I mean it’s a teeny screen, so there are 1058 pages to get through…… I have since come to my senses and realised that this means there is MORE book, and it will last longer! Hoopla!!

  475. BOTH. Mwha ha ha ha! Actually I am more a caring, sharing type of girl so I vote audio for me please. Thanks ever so much for the chance to win. Good luck with the rest of the tour!

  476. Audio, please! And could you sign the cover “To the most awesome member of the Unicorn Success Club EVER!”

  477. OOH Paper please then I can hear it in different voices in my head depending on how I feel!

  479. Paper version please! Audio version is too likely to lead to me making ridiculous faces while walking to work trying not to laugh.

    Any chance of a UK tour (or Skype event)?

  481. The best day of the year for your book to come out. May 10th is my wedding anniversary. An audio book would be the perfect gift. x

  482. The UK version is so pretty! I can’t wait to get it! I want to buy one for everyone I know. PLEASE come to the Southwest of England! We can all meet up at Stonehenge! Or my house. Up to you.

  483. I’d love an audio version as I’m in the UK and we don’t seem to be getting it here 🙁

  484. I would love the audio version! When I bought my copy I went back and forth for awhile on which to get! I will most likely end up with it soon anyway! Love your book and your blog always brightens my day! Thank you!

  485. I would love the paper version, please, especially if it was signed! (Cheeky me!)

    Just to say – you know when depression is busy lying to you? Does yours have a ‘tell’ that clues you in when it is lying (a twitch or something?) because when I am getting lied to, I totally believe it and I really need to find that tell!

  486. Audio, please! I already have the original, and loved laughing out loud at a book for a change. Thanks!

  487. I want the audio version for SURE! Hearing you read that one chapter about the laxatives in New York was absolutely hilarious and I need need NEED to hear you read the other chapters too.

  489. So, being comment number 2335, my chances of winning are near zilch – but I would love the UK book if by some miracle I get picked. And good luck on the rest of the tour! I was so happy to have been able to be there for you for the launch in NYC.

  491. Paper would be good. I’m a UK person so love that your doing something specific for the UK bods. Your blog makes me laugh every morning when I read it at my desk with breakfast… keep it up. 🙂

  494. Paper!

    Oh, god, so many comments, now that she’s a BEST-SELLING author.

  495. This would be the most perfect Mothers’ Day surprise. Paper, please.

  498. Wow, I feel a little bad posting on here asking for something when you’ve already given me so many FREAKING laughs! However, I only feel a little bad…….so paper, not plastic please 🙂

  499. I already have it on my kindle, but I’d love the audio book… and I’m from the UK so unable to come see you on tour.

    Pretty please, pretty, pretty please with a successful unicorn on top farting rainbows. 🙂

  502. I would literally do anything for the audiobook. TRY ME! ANYTHING!

  503. paper! Love love that title/font treatment 🙂 please come to NC!

  507. Paper please. I’ve already got the awesome audio 🙂

  508. I would Love a copy in audio book format.. if you pick me Ill send you pics of random hotel guest and staff where I live*yes I live in a hotel *holding the book and possibly twine too*(im not sure but coallating papers though:)

  509. You’re coming to Gaithersburg! Squeeeeeeeeeee! I’ll be there with bells on.

  510. I’m random… audio of course – you had me at “singing the titles”

  513. PAPER PAPER PAPER… and speaking of bribery, I’ll buy ten more UK copies (since I’m in the UK) and give them as gifts to people who I hate (there’s nothing more spiteful than giving nice stuff to shitty people because they have to be nice and say thank you …lest they die by fire)

    HIT ME!

  516. Print copy, please! I would love to walk in the door of my book club with that cover in hand!

  524. Audio version, nothing quite like being read to, is there?

  525. OMG I am soooooo excited that you are coming to Gaithersburg!!!! I was worried that you werent coming to MD!!! Thats 5 minutes from my house, so dont be offended if I roll up there in PJ’s! And I would love EITHER version of your book!

  526. GAAAAH!!!! Like the poster above me, so excited you’ll be in Gaithersburg!!! I’ll definitely be there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  528. I´d love the paper copy since I already have the audio. Loved it!

  530. OH! yay! Paper pretty pretty please 🙂 ( with cheesecake and bacon on top, because EVERYTHING is better with cheesecake and bacon! )

  535. I would prefer the audio version. I really enjoyed the book and would love to be able to listen to you read it to me in the car. 🙂

  536. The Audio version would be awesome!!

    I hope among hopes that you are coming Cincinnati and not some weird Cyborg version of Cincinnatti that is from the future and will most certainly try to protect us from eating spoonful’s of cinnamon since in the future it turns out cinnamon causes a virus that leads to zombification and I do love French toast but I want to be one of the survivors…..not one of the wimpy survivors either. However, if Carl is in my camp, I will most definitely chain him to a tree since he has a tendency to wander off. STAY IN THE CAMP, CARL!!!

    Ps. All of this happened in my head while I was typing, therefore the reason for the run-on sentence is because of that.

  539. would love the paper edition but would love for you to be in North Carolina even more!

  540. I would looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove the audiobook version! Come a bit south after your trip to Maryland and visit us in Virginia!

  541. I would love to be entered for the audio version.

    And… hmm… I’ve never been to a “skype event” I suppose I’ll have to check it out.

  542. Paper please. (If Wil could collate and deliver in person, that would be tip-top).
    Thank you.
    Ali

  544. I’d love the audio if you choose me (pick me! pick me!).

    Also, I bought (and read) your book yesterday. My laughing out loud every few minutes was driving my 8 year old daughter crazy. She asked me what was so funny and I tried to tell her about how your dad threw a bobcat on your boyfriend, but I got “…he threw a b-” and then I couldn’t stop laughing and I couldn’t breathe because I was laughing so hard and I really thought she was going to call 911. Thank you – I love you!

  547. oooooh! oooooh! oo00000! pick me. pick me. I would love a paper version.

  550. As I JUST missed you in NY and am forced to live on another continent, I would love, love, love the UK version of the book, OR you singing!!! I love the cover, so fantastical and lovely. Congrats, Ms. Lawson. You’re amazing.

  552. Both, but if I have to choose, I’d go with the audiobook and just buy the UK version in hardcover. 🙂

  553. Paper please. Loving the updates on your tour! Congrats on the book and thank you for being you!

  557. Oh, an audio book, please. This broke grad student would love some Bloggess-induced laughter breaks. YAY!

  560. I would love the paper copy! I can’t wait to read your book

  562. print please, but signed for my friend Elizabeth, whom you remind me of, please!

  564. I would love the paper version. Digital versions are impostors of real books.

  566. I just scrolled through some 2300 comments to the bottom of this page to kindly request PAPER PAPER PAPER if I win! Which would be very cool.

  568. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the audio copy sooooooooooooooooooooo much!! I would listen to it in my car….it would be my new “jam”!! hahahahhaaa

  569. I would LOVE the audio version, I am already in love with the paper version, so, you signing sounds delightfully laughter indusing!!!!

  570. I’d love a paper copy. I’m from the UK but I just became a US citizen, would help me feel connected to home lol! Love your blog. You’re an inspiration:)

  573. I would love the audio version – it would be so great to have your voice in my head instead of my mothers…

  574. Decisions, decisions….I think the audio book since i’d get to hear YOU reading it and that would just be a hoot. Pick me pick me!!! And congratulations on your tour, your NY Times #1 and all the love and support that is being sent your way. You rock.

  578. OK, had to come back & change my choice –before I said paper version -after much thought & debate I have to hear you sing the titles –that alone is worth the price -oh ya it’s free, never mind the last part of that comment. Plus I wanna hear your accent -how you pronounce “y’all” especially. So audio book please -besides the hardback copy I have is all stained because I read the chapter about your job in HR while drinking tea which proceeded to fly from my nose -at least Luzianne doesn’t burn like Coca Cola on it’s way out onto the page.

  579. I would love a copy of the audio book! Congratulations and thanks for the opportunity!

  580. The audio copy sounds awesome! Assuming I’d be able to hear it over my teenage daughter squee-ing, that is.

  582. Paper, please! Oh pretty, pretty, please! I need some laughs really badly right now.

  584. I would love the audio book. I can’t seem to read two pages of the book without hearing “mommy I want some milk” or hear the youngest crying b/c his brother threw him in a wall.

  587. The paper version please, love your blog…can’t wait to see your word on paper

  588. Paper please. This would make my morning commute on the metro much more entertaining.

  589. Audio version. Then I could feel like I almost got to see/hear you on the book tour. Thanks for sharing the journey; it’s almost like we’ve been on tour with you.

  590. If I manage to be lucky enough to be picked out of the bajillion people who left comments, I would absolutely love a paper copy! As much as I want to hear your lovely voice, that cover is just Awesome. Who/where did that fancy font come from?

  595. Wow that’s a lot of comments.

    I would love the paper version the most! And the audio version the next most. Please and thank you.

  596. I’d love the audio version, the blooper real sounds priceless!

  597. All hail the Bloggess! I have read LPTNH twice since Saturday and am going to lend it to my sister over the weekend to spread the awesomeness! I would love to have the Audio version. You ma’am, are a brave, beautiful, awesome, twisted and oh so wonderful human being. I heart you so much.

  599. Hi!

    I would love a copy of the paper book…please! I need something awesome to read! 🙂

    I love your blog…thanks for all the posts. It make me realize that I am not the only awesomely wonderfully random person out there! 🙂

  600. I would love the audio book! It’d be like the Harry Potter audio books – where the reader has a different voice for each character – but BETTER!

  602. I don’t want the audio book….. I *NEED* the audio book.

    I have your hardcover, and have already laughed myself hoarse & read most of it out loud to my husband so he could laugh too. But I need the audio book to give to my mom – who doesn’t read very well but loves audio books. Woman needs a laugh.

    I’d consider offering my firstborn in trade… but he has a broken hand and an intense LEGO obsession. So, I’ll spare you the endless monologues extolling the virtues of Hero Factory versus Bionicle & how the latest Ninjago episode affects the characters, and how much he really needs the next big kit, etc. I’ll spare you all that and just beg:

    Please!! Pretty Pretty please? With sunshine & unicorns on top!!

  605. The audio version! To hear your voice singing in my ears! I love your book. Tormenting my husband with excerpts and hiding the book when I leave for work has become my new favorite game.

  606. Ooh the Audio Book would be perfect for my 2 drives to Florida and back!

  612. I love that Augusten Burroughs reviewed your book. His memoir was hilariously dark and a joy to read. I’ve also read his “Wolf at the Table” and “Possible Side Effects.”

    I also love the whimsy on this book cover! But I would love the audibook version. Mainly because I want to hear your singing voice, but also because if the blooper reels are funnier than the actual book, my goal is to die of laughter.

  614. Audio – there would be nothing sweeter than to hear you read the entire book!!

  616. I’d love the paper version. Just found your blog last week when my friend lent me your book. I’m almost done. You’re great!

  618. Audio please! 🙂 What better to listen to as I drive my daughter to music class!

  623. Paper Version please! Also I just peed my pants a little that you’re coming to Gaithersburg!!! I know it sounds like a silly little town, but I’m so excited to meet you. I’m reading the ebook, but I now I need a paper copy for you to sign!

  624. I’d love the audio version since I’m pretty sure my husband is giving me the paper version Monday for my birthday. You rock!

  627. Audio Please PLease PLEase PLEAse PLEASe PLEASEEEEEEE
    ow and thank you

  628. Would love the audio as I frequently listen to books while sewing……

  629. Hey. Don’t go spelling Cincinnati wrong. You don’t wanna piss those people off. I used to live there for awhile. Just FYI. Oh and I have the book – lovin it!

  632. While the font on the paperback is wonderful, I would like the audiobook if chosen 🙂

  633. Paper, because I’m old and still like the feel of a book in my hands!

  636. I want the audio! I live in my car, so that would be perfect!!!!

  637. I’d like the paper version, so I can read it with a British accent 🙂

  638. Audio Book please ma’am! I’m certain it is even more hysterical (if that is possible) with your voice behind it!

  641. I need some humor in my life right now. Paper por favor. You know you rock, right?

  642. I’m reading your book for the second time, I LOVE it (and yes, I’m kissing ass, but its true)! I would totally love the audiobook!!

  643. i’d love the paper version! i’m glad to see you’ll be coming to maryland so i can get that puppy signed (not a real puppy, although i’m sure you’d be into that). i’m over 8 months pregnant and if i read one more thing about a mucus plug or how i’m supposed to shove my entire boob into my newborn baby’s mouth so we can bond, i may die. your book would bring great levity to the crazy that has consumed my life…and will (apparently) forever remain after this child enters the world. poor baby.

  645. I would love a copy – the paper version please. (Can’t get over my love of “paper” books.)

  646. Holy crap! That’s a lot of commenting. I’d love an audio copy. I want to hear the blooper reel.

  647. Oy oy oy I would love the paper copy by joe…. in my best british LOL

  649. The audio. It will solidify your place as “Friend in my head” 🙂

  651. Yay, i don’t have to wait until June! I was gonna get the ebook since it’s already on kindle uk and google books, but thr google book preview was missing footnotes 🙁 so I’ve resigned myself to the dead tree version.
    While here, if you pick my comment, please can i win the audio book?

  653. I would absolutely love the paperback version! Even if I don’t get picked, next paycheck I’m going out to buy it! I just wish I would’ve found this blog earlier, I can’t tell you how many hours I spend on this site while I’m supposed to be working lol!

  656. PLEASE come to Wisconsin! I finally got my copy of your book and I really want you to sign it! If you come here I will bring you wine and/or cupcakes. Totally your choice.

  657. I would love the audio version. I am a Momma to two girls and have no time to ready anything but your blog at work… But I have a 30 min drive to and from work… I could claim I read your book…

  660. Audio would be great – I’m reading the book now, but would love to listen to the audio next month when my husband and I drive to our vacation in the Smokies!

  661. Cincinnati! Yay!!! I’ll be there! And you’ll be internetthere!

  662. audio…. it would be fantastic for listening to at work… don’t worry i’ll still pretending i’m working, but no one really notices me because my desk is in the hallway… well sometimes the squirrel outside my window comes up to look at me, but then i feel like i’m in an exhibit at the zoo.

  663. Are you kidding you are going to have a million comments to go through, and yes I would love a paper copy oh please, oh please. I would love to hear the Blooper real but I love reading more so yeah still rather have paper. I almost smacked my coworker, she got me totally hooked on your blog and then didn’t mention your book signing she was going to until the day after, between school and work and buying a house I have been so busy I totally missed it. Oh and we got our newest coworker so hooked she brought Beyonce to work, who now hangs out in her office watching us all. Damn I think I am a fanboy lol.

  666. Gonna have to go with audio–then I could pretend you were reading me a bedtime story. A Mostly True bedtime story!

  672. Oh the pressure…would I like the book with a dead mouse on the cover, or to hear your lovely voice (is it your voice?)…hmmmmm…I know, SURPRISE me!!! Yeah, LOVE surprises!!

  674. I’d love the audio version to match my book. 🙂

    And those Brits are awfully fancy, huh?

  675. Paper copy please! My car is so old it only has a (broken) casset player, so listening to audio books never really works out for me.

  680. I would love the audio version! My mom listens to books on tape during her long commute to work and this would be the perfect gift for her!

    Also, you should come to Iowa 🙂

  682. I just bought your Ebook and I can’t even stop laughing! I would love to have a paper verision too!! You are the bestest!

  683. Audio book!

    I have the paper version already with a bee-yoo-ti-fully signed bookplate, so I’m set there (because I planned ahead for once and PRE-ORDERED, which is, frankly, an unheard of for me). And I have recommended your book to all and sundry because there were parts where I was CRYING laughing. So AWESOME. Congratulations on the very well-deserved success of your book!

  686. I absolutely loved your book to the point that I finished it at 3am after starting last night about 9pm and i giggle and hooted through the whole thing … except when Barnaby Jones Pickles got attacked by that vicious batch of bees 😐 those dirty whores are evil i say …. hope you have another one out in the future i enjoyed it immensly !!

  687. I need the audio version. My husband always asks me to read to him at night (not unlike a small child) and I have been reading him your book. The downside is that we both laugh so much it takes me forever to get through a chapter. Having you read to us who be MUCH better.

  688. I already purchased the hard cover so the audio would be awesome!!!

  692. I love the look of the UK print version! Pick me! Oh pretty please pick me!

  694. Audio version, please.

    I don’t have time to read actual paper anymore, so my hour commute is spent listening to books instead of the goddawful radio.
    Thanks,
    Ken Love

  697. OMG! Yes, yes, YES! I’m so excited you’re coming here! And Jen Lancaster will be at the Gaitherburg Book Festival too! Bonus!

    *happy dance*

    Thank you. Thank you!

  698. Paper please, pretty please!
    Congrats and you were awesome in LA!

  700. Hey Jenny,

    Would do love the audio version makes me chuckle just thinging about how your personal vocal delivery would be.

    Kirsten

  701. If I won, I’d like a good ‘ole paper version please! Love that UK jacket design!

  704. I would love a signed copied of EITHER!! Love that cover!! i just finished your book I loved it!!! Hilarious!! PLEASE COME TO ATLANTA!!! I would be in LINE!! I have been reading your book aloud to everyone, my hubby, kids, my mom, my co-workers, practically everyone. Love it

  705. Put me up for the audiobook, I’ve already read your book cover to cover and now I I have to hear bloopers.

  706. are Non-Americans eligible to the giveaway? I have a good sense of humor, even though I’m Canadian…

    I recently discovered your blog and would love to read your book.
    Paper version, please!

  707. I would love the paper version. I can’t wait to read your book!

  709. Can you please come to Pittsburgh? Would love to meet you!
    Audio

  710. You come to Maryland the same day as Wine in the Woods? Do you hate us?

  712. i’ve already purchased the book-book, so i will take the audio book! yay!

  713. paper version! i live in gaithersburg – marking the 19th on my calendar!

  720. If I don’t win an audio copy, well then, I’ll just go out and buy myself one! So there!

  724. I’d love love the audiobook. I’m dying to hear though I’m still enjoying the paper version that I ordered. I’m stoked to have a first edition with my signed book plate so that is enough for me to be grateful to have discovered you almost two years ago! I’m so excited and proud of you for making this happen and being a crazy success! You rock!!

  725. OH I would LLLOOOVVEE to have the audio copy!! I’m addicted to blooper reels for almost everything that might have it. And to hear you tell your story I’m positive would be SO much better than just reading the book….which ive already done. LOVED IT by the way!! 🙂

  726. The UK cover is quite lovely, but I think I’d prefer (only if I have to choose just one!) the audiobook. Also, since I bought my first edition in a physical store, how can I get my hands on one of those signed bookplates you slaved over?

  728. I would love the paper version. Do I have to read it with a British accent in my head? Thanks for making me laugh on a regular basis, BTW.

  730. The audio. I just got the regular US paper version from the library, and am loving it so far. But I could use a Bloggess Aria in my life. Thanks for the chance to win!

  731. I would adore (!) the paper version as I accidentally ripped the pre-ordered copy I got when taking it out the packaging. I guess I got a little too excited. DAMN YOU AMAZON AND YOUR EFFICIENT PLASTIC WRAPPING!

  733. Paper please! I love the cover! And I left a letter out of my email address on my last comment 🙁

  735. I enjoy the tactile sensations of interacting with dead tree products; so I’d prefer the paper version, if I were so lucky as to win a copy.

  737. Freaking awesome Jenny Lawson! Send me the paperback! Your Peta story is probably the second funniest thing i ever read, after Beyonce the Chicken of course!

  738. What a wonderful blog and book! I do hope to get a paper version 🙂

  739. Shit: 2724 ppl got there before me. That’s like being last in the queue at the bakers and you have had your eye on that strawberry cream cake praying that none of those people in front of you buy it. And you think finally, God is smiling on you as it is still there when you and the person in front of you begin to get served at the same time and just as you open your mouth to speak you hear the words from the other person’

    “Oh! and I’ll have that last strawberry cream cake, it has looked so lonely there on it’s own”

    Aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!!

    Oh and did I mention my birthday is on May 10th it is too I can post the proof on line

    Love you Jenny Lawson and I am always (well almost always defending you against Victor who can be so mean to you sometimes)

    Love you Jenny Lawson xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  740. Since I’ve already read your book (in 1 night) I now want YOU to read it to me so Audio book please !!!

  741. I would love the Audio book. I’m really LOV’N the book. I’m just about done. Come home to Texas soon, we miss you!

  742. You and your taxidermy obsession are hilarious and endearing. Audio, please!

  744. Paper version would be awesome… oh and a book tour in the UK even better

  746. Paper version.

    And just for the record, Victor is wrong, people don’t vomit into trash cans, they vomit into puke bowls.

  748. I would looooooooooooove the audio version 🙂 I could listen to it over and over again during a 3 day drive I’m making from Toronto to Calgary

  750. Paper please. Already read it on my Kindle but I like to smell my books.

  751. This would be a fabulous audiobook! But probably not one to listen to in the car with the 4-year-old, I suspect… 🙂

  752. I’m SOOO glad you’re coming to MD. Was beginning to think you were going to completely ignore the Mid-Atlantic area, which would be a shame. I’ve got half may friends hooked on you already, and I only learned about your blog from a co-worker a couple months ago. Woot!

  753. Since I live 70 freakin’ MILES from a bookstore, and I LOVE the British cover, and since it will be another 6 YEARS or so before I am in any financial position to order anything off the interwebs….Paper, please!

  756. I already own the book & love it! I Totally want the audio book, please & thank you!

  757. I would ride a billy-goat backwards… naked, all while singing ‘Ba-Ba-Black Sheep’ to get the paper version.

    Good Lord, I really don’t have a filter,huh.

  758. Book version is my favorite, but I haven’t heard the audio version yet and I bet that would be if I had.

  760. I would adore a copy of the audio book!!! Please please please!!!

  761. so my anxiety says that all the people above are way funnier and got here first, so i just won’t say anything…

  767. Paper please. (Wow! I had to scroll down 4evah to leave a comment.)

  768. Would love a paper copy please!! Have fun on the rest of your tour!! 🙂

  769. I would like the audiobook for three reasons:

    1. My husband thinks that dead animals and taxidermy is morbid, sick, and unsanitary and doesn’t like them. You’d think after 13 years he’d have realized that I am also morbid, sick, and unsanitary, but he still seems to be okay with me.
    2. I have a 14-hour car trip to my in-laws coming up. With my family. In a car. TOGETHER.
    3. I pre-ordered a US copy of the paper version, so I have the manual. Unless the US/UK versions aren’t compatible. Shit.

  770. Holy shit snacks Batman!! I apparently have no shot in hell of winning. I am on my second time reading it on my kindle but would love the audio with the blooper out takes. My husband and son have read it as well and think you are a goddess.

  775. I would love the paper edition. I am old school and love to read a paper book. Your blog is so funny, it gives me faith that smart, funny girls can be successful!! Those stuffed creatures crack me up, being a Texas Girl too, i am used to carcasses “decorating” a home. I had a friend in college who had a muskrat proudly displayed over her fireplace when I met her. I was five drinks down the hatch when I saw it and it scared the crap out of me!!

  776. I would love a paper copy please. Love your blog and have introduced it and your book to several friends. Thanks for making me laugh 🙂

  779. Winning the ‘UCK’ edition of your book would make me furiously happy.

  780. My (somewhat boring) blog records our progress building a house in the woods in the Laurel Highlands of Pennsylvania. I try to squeeze a (pathetically mundane) entry in when I can. You, however, are a stellar, magnificent, entertaining, and charming blogger. A friend turned me on to you (so to speak) about the time Beyonce made his/her/its appearance. Now I elevate my dreary (healthcare marketing) work existence through your antics every day. Can I have a paper copy of your book?
    Yours truly,
    Michelle

  782. Paper please, please, pretty please with a taxadermied rodent (of your choice) on top!!

  783. The Audio version would be amazing! I purchased the paper copy but to hear your stories in your voice would be freaking amazing!

  784. #1 – PLEASE come to Wisconsin.
    #2 – I’d love the audio version
    #3 – I absolutely love your blog and might cry if I got an email from you. 🙂

  785. I will forever love paper versions. The look, the feel, the smell, the bugs that sometimes become entombed. Pick me! Pick me!

  787. I would love the audio version. I love extra awesome and I already have the US version in print.

  793. If I was the lucky winnah, I’d love the paper version. Congratulations on all your successes, Jenny!

  800. I’m feeling so depressed I need both versions so I can constantly laugh at life, but let’s say the paper book. I said something sad sarcastic and inappropriate to my dentist yesterday – he said you are fun to talk to (made him laugh) – not the first person to say this to me and thinking of you ….I said “I need to figure out how to make money on that talent”

  803. I would love the audiobook. I downloaded the ebook and have thoroughly enjoyed it but I would love to hear you read it to me. Pleeeeeaaase!

  804. I have the paper version on pre-order but I would LOVE the audio version to listen to when I am working 😀

  807. Oh man do I need that audio version. I totally pee’d my pants reading the book, I cannot imagine you actually reading it to me! I’d have to buy depends!

  808. It’s like Karma! I was so sad when your tour wasn’t going to come my way, but now you will be in Cincinnati on May 9th and I will just happen to be visiting my family in Cincinanti on that exact day!!! I am so coming to see you.

    And Audiobook, please, if I am randomly selected. I so want to hear you read your funny, funny anecdotes!

  809. Paper version!!! Crossing my fingers that you’re adding Boston to your tour!!!!!!!!!!!!

  811. Paper please! 🙂 Reading the ebook right now and would love to give a copy to my sweet mother in law. 🙂

  814. I missed you when you were in Austin, but I would love to have your audiobook! I’m amazed at how well you are handling the crowds. I felt nervous, from home, looking at the pics of you in full auditoriums. Keep on rockin’ the US!

  817. Paper would be wonderful, this way if selected my cats can enjoy the fun too by fighting for who gets to sit on the pages while I try to read.

  818. Audio would be great so I can listen to that
    instead of my husband!! Love you! Love what you do!
    Write on my friend…=^..^=

  819. Over here on the soggy right bank of the Atlantic I’d like the paper version. So kill a tree for me – an evil tree obviously, I’m not a monster.

  820. Paper version to add to my collection! Might I suggest coming to DC please??? Gaithersburg is not as close as you might think.

  822. I would kill animals, stuff them with my arms and into cracker boxes and then dress them for that audiobook. just sayin’

  823. paper please, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess it’s something I couldn’t listen to in the car with my 3-year-old 🙂

  824. Sorry…I just realized (after reading more carefully) that you are Skyp-ing Cincinnati, not visiting in person. 🙁 I got so excited when I read Cincinnati that I didn’t even finish the sentence. Still going to come and bask in your awesomeness, but by video instead of in person!
    Audiobook

  825. The print version is very cute, but since I already bought the US version, I’d love the audio version!!

  826. Me, me, me! I would LOVE LOVE LOVE an audio version! I have never won anything….except a 10 speed bike at the school carnival. Two days later my brother recked it on the dirt hill by our house and the proceded to dismantle it along with my cherished rollerskates to make a go-cart….turd…still a turd….

  830. I would love to read the paper verson of your book <3 you make me laugh and feel better every day.

  831. I would love the audio version. I have already bought and read the U.S. version, and it was so great! And I can imagine the audio book is even better!

  832. I would totally want a paperback version – you’re not doing a UK book tour, and even if you were, you wouldn’t be anywhere near the wee small south of Scotland town I live in! *sadface* I need a new bookworld to disappear into when my kids drive me out of my mind, and your blog posts just aren’t long enough to save my sanity over the entire summer holidays!

  833. paper please 😀 I’ve been so PUMPED waiting for your book to come out in the UK xx

  835. Audio, pretty please. I’ve read the book already – twice!

  836. I would love the audiobook!! I really, really want to hear the bloopers!!!!

  838. audiobook pleeeeeease!!!! I finished the hardcover version (pre-ordered) and it made me feel a lot better about just letting myself be weird. As in, making-my-boyfriend-guide-me-to-his-dorm-because-I’m-wearing-a-box-and-can’t-see-weird. And it sure is a lot more fun. Thank you, Jenny!

  840. I’d love the audio book. And congratulations, again, on your success. You are truly using it in the best way possible and I am so pleased for you and your family. Also, I hope you truly do take advantage of the end of your book tour and sleep for ten years.

  846. Audio version would be cool – I’m reading the paper version now! And please visit Jacksonville! I’ll totally come see you!

  847. I would love an audiobook copy. Woohoo! Please, please, please.

  848. I would love EITHER version — but I would prefer the audiobook. Would so love to hear your outtakes and singing the titles…Is that chapter titled AWESOME???!!!

  849. Soooo… I’d love to have any of them and I bet the audio version is hilarious (singing the titles AND blooper reels, FTW) but I guess I’m a tree-killing kind of girl. Paper, please.

  850. Wow! How will you ever choose? I would like the paper, please. And I’m so psyched that you’re coming to Gaithersburg!!!

  851. I would love a copy of the audiobook since I will be out of town when you are in the area! If I had any idea that you would be visiting Gaithersburg on the 19th I would have suggest that my sister reschedule her 40th birthday so I could see you read in person!

  855. Paper! Thanks. Would love to have your book for my next vaca but I think if I buy another book my husband will go all “no more towels” on me 🙂 xoxo

  856. Paper please – this read will be featured in our hilarious-lady reads book club! Tina, Jann (Arden), and Bloggess!!

  857. I am soooo driving over 100 miles to see you in Gaithersburg!!! I pre-ordered the book way back in February and finished it in two days….so I would love the audio book!!! I HOPE YOU PICK ME!! Thanks for making me laugh every day!

  861. Oh, I am torn… I like feeling the pages, but singing titles and a blooper reel?!? I will have to go with the audiobook.

  862. I am sooo driving over 100 miles to see you Gaithersburg!! I pre-ordered your book waay back in February and finished it in two days. I would love the audio book so PLEASE PICK ME!! Thank you for making me laugh out loud every day..you rock!

  864. Jenny Lawson, this is horrible!!!!! I have been pleading with whatever gods may be to send you to Cincinnati (my current home) or Lansing ( my growning-up-going-to-college-having-a-career-home) and NOW I hear you will be Skyping to NOT ONE, but TWO of my favorite bookstores and the only one near me (walkable dammit!) is on the only day in May I simply can’t get anywhere. Life is tragically unfair. But I just read the chapter about babies and cried my eyes out (been thereish).
    Also, could you post a post about how to use a book plate. I’m afraid I’ll get it wrong and imaginary authority figures will confiscated my book or something. Something like I’ll just feel dumb. But at least I know not to use it as a plate-plate. That counts for something, right? Oh good grief, it’s unlikely you’ll ever get down this far in the comments anyway. But I could still use advice n bookplates. Youtube is not helpful.

  865. Audiobook. The first time I’ve picked audio over the real thing, but singing titles and a blooper reel? How can I pass that up??

  866. Paper! 😀 I like prizes!
    Plus, this book is amazingly hilarious.

  871. Audio please. I saw you at the Writer’s Bloc in Hollywood – love your singing.

  874. I already have an e-copy, but would have loved to come see you in person….had it not been FIVE HOURS to drive to. 🙁 As you’re flying over central florida on your way to your next stop wave at us.

    On a side note, I have recently been in the hospital because my pancreas tried to kill me, which is a ridiculously long story that I won’t get into here…but I was scripted an anxiety med, because apparently I freaked out when they tried to stick me in the CT Scan machine while I was high as a kite on other meds they had given me. Well, duh, I’m clastrophobic. Shooting me up with morphin won’t negate that fact. After that, they sent a psychiatrist in to make sure I wasn’t suffering from depression, which btw I actually think is nice of them…if I was drepressed. But you see I’ve always been the type of person who if faced with the choice of hurting myself or someone else, I’m picking the other person. ANYHOO, my body stopped trying to kill me and I’m back to normal, enjoying your blog! I missed the laughs.

  875. I would love to have the paper version.
    And please, please, pretty pretty please come to Seattle. We’re a bunch of techie geek hipsters stuck in fleece & dreary rain & we could really use some of the weird, twisted sunshine that I imagine you bring wherever you may go.

  877. Audio… because for some reason my brain goofed and made my fingers write paper…

    Well, that counts, I guess?
    Plus, this book is amazingly hilarious.

  881. Audio version please!!

    Also please come somewhere around VA, NC, SC, or GA 🙂

  882. ohmigosh, the only way to make the book better would be by hearing it in your voice!

  883. Oh wow! I would love to have the audiobook version, to give to my sister. I mentioned her to you in an email recently– she’s blind, due to a complication from her rheumatoid arthritis. I think this would be a great (read: vaguely surreal) way to cheer her up. Or confuse her utterly. Either will do, really. 😉

  884. I would be thrilled with either! I’ll let you pick so it will be a surprise. (I have never one a contest before anyway, so that alone would be surprise enough.) 😉

  885. I have the e-book version so of course the paper version would make my life complete! Love that cover!

  886. Audio! I have a signed paper copy – but I love to hear your voice, you’re right, you totally don’t sound like you. Or what you’re supposed to sound like in my head.

  887. Paper version please! you’re the best. long live beyonce and juanita!
    also, i work in HR, so i loved the bit about that…

  888. Audio would absolutely ROCK… And I realize that my chances are slim to none, and my luck has been from shit this month, but hey…I’m game.

  890. I’d love to hear you singing the titles. It would bring whimsy!

  891. Audio, i love the cover but with a one year old i don’t get to read much + listening in the car and the people next to me at a stop light wondering why i am laughing to my self is awesome!

  892. I would display a huge metal chicken in my (shared) front yard for a month to win that paper copy!

  893. I LOVE the UK cover, but since I already have the guts in my Kindle, I’d take the audio version with extra guts 😀

    I am SO SAD that I missed you in New York 🙁 Please come back before you hermitize yourself!

  895. congrats on the book- it obviously sounds like it’s going amazing well!!! i would love to get a copy of the book (i’m not good with audio books, they make me feel like i’m in elementary school)
    in dramatic fashion

  896. Paper please. And if I am selected, I will purchase books for others to pay it forward.

  897. I would love the paper version. I’d never get through the audio book, because my mind wanders. A lot!

  899. I would love the audio version! Mom and I have a long commute to work every day and we’re both HUGE fans 🙂 We’d love to listen to you on the road!

  900. Audi-yo!
    Or Paper – seriously, this book will be awesome both ways.

  902. I already have a first edition but i would love a copy of the audio book!

  904. Audio – I’ve never had an audio book, but this would be the perfect first!

  909. Paper. Because British and Whimsical go hand in hand together. :]

  910. Jenny, I would love the paper version with the lovely graphics on the cover. I also wanted to tell you since you might not be watching a lot of TV, that the latest episode of Nathan Fillon’s Castle show features a ZOMBIE!! Actually lots of zombies and even NF as a zombie. When it came on I thought, “Jenny Lawson would LOVE this!!”

  911. On the off chance that I get picked, I would just love the audio book. I thought about it, and though reading your words is so much fun, hearing them directly expressed by you would be amazing. Amazing amazing. It would sort of be like having a one-sided conversation with you!! Plus I just love being read to. 😀 Thanks for all you do!

  912. come to minneapolis!!

    and also, audio! i’d love to hear you sing.

  915. Paper, please! I’ve never won anything before so this would be excellent for a first-timer. Well, except for this one time when I received a phone call saying that I had won free carpet cleaning for 2 rooms in my house. No catch, didn’t need to buy anything, they just asked that I “spread the word” if I liked their services. I’ve never been so excited at the prospect of clean carpets before. And then the guy shows up at my house in a suit and tie (that was my first clue that he didn’t get down and dirty in people’s carpets) and proceeds to target random spots in my carpet just so he could show me how great the machine worked in the hopes that I might drop over a thousand dollars on the darn thing! I should have known it was too good to be true. So technically, I still have not won anything and my carpets never really did get completely cleaned.

  916. I would love the paper copy…

    Although, if you read the audio book in a british accent for the UK copy… I’d want that! 🙂

  917. I would love the paper version.
    Loving that cover.
    Also, would really like to win because I just scrolled through 3,000,000 comments while trying to do my day job at the same time.
    Customer service and scrolling do not mix. Neither does klonopin and jack daniels. Unless there is a one drink minimum, but let’s be honest… Minimums are for wussies.

  919. I’m easy to please when it comes to books, especially yours; the print or audio version would make my week. Thanks for sharing your stories with the world!

  920. Paper! I have the Kindle version, and I’m really regretting not getting a hard copy instead so I can display it proudly on my coffee table and force visitors to read my favorite chapters aloud in silly voices.

  926. Paper version please! I bought one for my friend’s birthday and realized I should’ve gotten one for myself as well!
    Thanks!

  927. I would love a paper copy because I listen to audio books in the car and would be forced to wreck my car during a fit of uncontrolable laughter.

  929. Please reward me for not yet having bought your book! I’d LOVE to have the paper version! I’d start collecting dead things in your honor, just to put on the bookshelf and HOLD the book while I’m at work and not reading it.

  932. I got excited for a moment and thought there was a UK audio version, and thought you read it with a British accent. Sigh. I already own the print version so I’d love the audio version, even without a british accent.

  934. I neeed the audio version, so I can play it for my husband and show him why my snickering and snorting while I read the Nook version was totally justified.

  937. I would love a paper copy!!!! Your book is FABULOUS!!!!! Love it.

  938. Gah! You’re going to be close enough for me to come see you (Gaithersburg, Md), but I have to work that day! I’m going to go cry now. I might feel better if I had a signed audiobook to listen to…;)

  940. I already purchased the audio book, but I still want the audio version for those out-takes. And the autograph, of course. It will be worth millions!

    On another note, the book is excellent and hilarious. Have fun on your tour.

  944. I would love the audio version! <3 Will be buying it anyway!

  945. I would LOVE the audiobook!! I’ve never commented before, but I always read!

  946. I’d love the print copy since I already have the audio (which I’ve listened to – twice!). It’s so brilliant. Congratulations.

  948. I’d love the paper copy. A strange OCD leaves me unable to have taxidermy animals in my home, but I’d prop the book up on the mantelpiece and Hamlet would be the first in my collection.

  953. Omg! So excited. Had no clue there even WAS an audio version. Had been debating about whether to buy the book or not b/c honestly, I buy so many already that I never get around to reading. Plus I’m trying to save up for an awesome 5th anniversary trip to Ireland with the husband. But I’ll listen to an audio version straight away, prob laughing and snorting and driving my coworkers nuts… Hope to see you in Gaithersburg!!

  955. I would wade though a shit-ton of zombies for the audio book. (Even though I couldn’t bring myself to cross the Bay Bridge to get to your SF signing. I’m so sorry. Bridges scare the bejesus outta me. )

  956. Audio! Also, I’m trapped in NM and can’t see you- Taos is beautiful this time of year. Eh? Eh? You won’t even notice the allergies until you leave!

  960. JENNY!! I am so thrilled about your book and cannot wait to read it! I want to know when you are coming to Arizona!! PPPPPPPLEASE!!! No one in the world has ever made me laugh as long or as hard as you have!! When I am having a rotten day, I want to say thank you to you because I know just visiting this site makes it so much better! I adore you! Thank you, and thank you Victor too!

  962. Either would be great, but I’ll choose the paper version for that totally awesome cover!

  963. After seeing you speak when you were in L.A. I definitely want the audio version. Partly because I think your timing when you speak is great. And partly because I can’t think of a better way to cope with L.A. Traffic. It might actually save lives.

    At the very least it will save me from a rush hour break down on the side of the freeway. It’s sad how many hours I have lost to crying on the side of the road since I moved here. Post commuter stress disorder. Someone please medicate me.

  967. OMG I just love the cover of the UK version! That’s great! Why is the US version different? If I won, I’d love the paper copy.

  969. The audio version would be perfect to have! I desperately want to hear you sing the titles! Hahaha. You are so awesome Jenny. I can’t wait to read your book.

  970. I would love the audio version. I bought a copy from Chapters and have been reading it to my partner Andrew. I am having some vision problems lately though, and can’t read for long. Would love to hear it read in your voice.

  973. come to houston again…but this time to maybe the east side. or even further east…say Beaumont?!?…that would be super.

    paper please.

  974. Paper version!! As the voices in my head like to read to me.

    And you have to come to MI. Do you know how much trouble we could get into?!?!?! Oh wait, my husband even manages a book store. Imagine that…………

  976. That paper edition looks cooler than my paper edition, but I would LOVE the audio version so that I could listen to it in the car and I would feel like you’re sitting in the car with me reading your book to me….and we would laugh and laugh and laugh. It would be so fun.

  979. holy fucking christ there’s a lot of comments to scroll through to get to this comments box!
    i’d like the audio version. please and thankyou 🙂

  981. So, I have a hardcover copy (to keep on the shelf with the bookplate sticker), a Kindle copy (to actually read) and the CD audiobook (for the bloopers). My wife has a Kindle copy, and I bought a hardcover for my daughter as a surprise gift — but then it turned out she’d preordered, too, and she just loans out the second copy. Thus, I’m thinking that I don’t need either — please pick someone else 🙂

  982. The audio version would be awesome, I have your hardcover and have finished it already – most chapters I’ve even read twice! I think it would be so great to have you reading it!

  983. Audio baby!!! Because you sing in it. And for the bloopers, too!

  985. I’ll throw my name in the hat for paper. But what I really want to say is: PLEASE COME TO SEATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  987. The husband said we could go to the book signing in Gaithersburg!!!! HAPPY GIRL DANCE IN HER BIG GIRL PANTIES!!!! WOOHOO!!!! I am so excited I may not be able to stand the next few weeks waiting…..is it time yet? is it time yet? is it time yet? PLEASE!!!!
    btw I think he secretly wants to meet you too, because he laughs just as hard and swears we were cut from the same cloth…

  989. I had never read your blog, but one day Amazon told me to by your book so I did(Amazon is a pushy bitch sometimes). The book came the day after a horrible break-up and kept me laughing for nights as I got used to sleeping alone again! Thanks Miss! You rule!

    Also, I may have read a few passages to my English 101 students. They also laughed.

    Oh, if you pick me, can I have the audio version please and thank you.

  992. I would love the paper version please!
    I already have my copy pre-ordered, but would happily cancel it 😛

  993. The audio version is what I’m after now…have the book and it’s signed!!! Thanks for coming to Dallas!

  995. Very appreciative of your work, time, and talent!

    While I would love either, I would prefer the paper version 🙂

    Thank you for all you do!

  998. Audio if you please. Already have paper and eBook. This would complete the collection!

  1004. This is comment #295376238 or something like that so I’m pretty sure I’m out of shit-snacks-luck, but whatever. I would love a copy of this book in paper because you are very funny, but also because at first glance, it looks like your name could actually be ‘Zenny Awsom’…

  1007. I’d LOVE a paper copy! Let me tell you why! I like to read not listen. Listening puts me to sleep. I have trouble staying awake at meetings because of this. Also, I get sleepy when I’m getting my hair cut, my hairdresser is all “blah,blah, blah” and I get SO sleepy. I don’t want to miss any of your blood, sweat and tears, so that’s why I’d like a paper version. Also, the UK verson of everything rocks just a tad harder. They have Doc Martins (I’m wearing a pair right now), and the Queen (sometimes I pretend I’m royalty), and awesome accents (you may be able to guess that I occasionally lapse into an accent….one time, right after my gf and i met, we started talking in British accents, but then.. we couldn’ stop.. we finally did..but it was weird for a bit).
    Another reason? My best friend would be so jealous that she might try to kill me. It’d be SO worth it.
    xo- Cj.

  1008. I purchased and read your book on my Kindle. I pre ordered well before I found out you were reading the audio book. I wish I would have waited and bought that. I loved the book but I think the added benefit of hearing you read it would have been amazing. I WANT THE AUDIO PLEASE!!!!

  1010. Omg. I’ve read the book three times already and then shipped it off to my mother so I can buy another copy and spread the love! I’d love to have the audiobook so I can have someone else read to ME for a change. Lol! Keep up the awesome, Jenny!

  1011. Please Jenny paper. No, audio…no, paper….no, audio….no, paper…..no, audio……Arrgghhhhhhh. Gah! I probably won’t win anyway. But….if I do I would love the paper version. My alternate personality is such an optimist.

    I’m reading the book. Slowly, so that I will have many many days of hilarity.

    Thanks!

  1014. AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!AUDIO!
    I have a 2 hour commute to work and would LOOOOOOOOOOOVE to be the one people are staring at because of the convulsions I have because of laughing hysterically in my car! so Please?? Pretty PLEASE???
    XOXOXO

  1015. Paper, so i can stalk you til you sign it.

    Because I missed SF, because I would have had to drive 2 hours there, get the signature, hug you, grope your ass a bit, then drive two hours back. All in time to get up the next morning and do shit I don’t want to, but have to. And I was too pathetically tired to cope. Sorry, I suck.

  1016. Dangit! I have to PICK WHICH ONE! GAAH!

    OK, I guess I will go with the… fuck… uhmmmm the Paper version! Since it is the UK version, my brain will have you doing it in a cockney accent, a la Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. Well, with YOUR voice of course, I really wouldn’t want to imaging Bert’s voice reading it. Oh damn, I probably will now. See, SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!

  1018. Audio!!! I already got it from Audible and it was so full of teh awesome.

  1019. Audio. But really I just want my name on your blog when you announce who won. That’d make an otherwise shitty week pretty much awesome. Well, that and heard there’s a picture of Adam Levine mostly naked on Pintrest. A mostly naked picture of Adam Levine and my name in your blog all in the same week might qualify as coolest combination of events ever.

  1022. honestly, you’ve been MIA? I’d hardly noticed as I’ve been too busy chuckling at the fact that people have made you dead mouse sandwiches! I’d love the paper version of the book if I’m lucky enough to win as I can’t afford to spend my hard earned wages on a book about your life but soooooo badly want to read it.
    Thanks for the comp and fingers crossed.

  1023. You need to bring your crazy ass to Atlanta. I bought the book today for my sister’s birthday, but would love a hard copy for myself! And, I can beat Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s offer (above). I have a 20-yr-old cat who sleeps with her eyes open and could be mistaken for stuffed … until she sees me (only me) and starts screeching her head off for three bites of a new packet of food and a nap in my lap, which is non-existent because I am running around being a mediocre parent and zookeeper. Think I need a booze slushy.

  1025. I’ve spent at least ten minutes at this point weighing the merits of an audiobook (I get to hear your voice! There are bloopers! You sing! But then again I don’t spend that much time in the car on a daily basis…) versus the British version (it’s got a cool cover and, you know, British spelling, which just makes everything seem classier somehow. But then again, I convinced our local bookstore [The Flying Pig] to pre-order your book and then bought it from them the first day it was available. so I’ve already got a paper version.)

    What makes this agonizing so ridiculous is that my odds of winning are roughly 1/(the thousands upon thousands of Bloggess readers who are entering this contest). If the comments thread reaches 10,000, I’ll have an equivalent chance of being struck by lightning at some time during my life assuming I live to 80 years. At least according to the National Weather Society. BECAUSE I JUST SPENT ANOTHER FEW MINUTES LOOKING THAT UP. Because I am a geek.

    So, now that I’ve spent at least 15 minutes on this decision (more if you count the time I spent pondering the effect my having already lived 45 years has on my lifetime probability of being struck by lightning), I think I’d like the book, please. Thank you.

  1026. Isn’t Bob at 2946 nice…he’s asking you to pick me!!

    I’ll take an audio book for my car travels!!

    Are you coming to Pennsylvania??

  1029. Holy crap, almost 3,000 comments? You’re terribly popular, you know. (I’d love a paper version of the book, by the way. That compliment? My own form of subtle bribery.)

  1035. Audio please!!!!! And you are such an inspiration, I started a blog after reading yours! I thought I was the only crazy on the internet that wasn’t in prison…

  1036. AHH! Paper please! and i really hope you’re adding a Seattle date! 🙂

  1037. I absolutely LOVED your book and would be even more thrilled with the audiobook version! I haven’t been read to in YEARS! 🙂

  1040. Please, oh please, add to my collection (one e-book and one paper–for the bookplate, of course). Send a paper version, please. I am in love with the font, wishing that the publisher had done this on the US version.
    And if you make it to Milwaukee (and my fondest hope is that you do) I promise that I know all of the best bathrooms in which to hide for a while. They’ll never find us.

    Hugs,
    Nadine

  1043. Paper please, I imagine it’s even funnier written in an English accent!

  1045. I love your book! I love your blog! I want you to be my friend…. so you need to pick me so we feel more connected! LMAO! Your hilarious!

  1047. audio please. I only hope my seven year old doesn’t get a hold of it somehow. Is Vermont on the book tour yet?

  1048. i would love the audio book! the book was amazing but it would even be more amazing listening to YOU sing and tell the stories straight from your mouth

  1054. It would delight my heart to have either… but I’ll throw in my request for the paper version.

    Your squealing fan,

    Freya

  1056. I just got hooked on your blog a couple months ago when a friend sent me the link to your awesomely updated Nathan Fillion post and I laughed my arse off on the bus (quietly, for the most part, so as to be thoughtful of those around me….). Going through some of my own mental health discoveries (ADHD! Woot! Turns out there IS a reason I procrastinate pretty much ALL THE TIME and can’t figure out how to be on any sort of normal person schedule to save my life…) I have appreciated both the humour and frankness with which you treat your own life. I’d love to hear more… while I’m riding the bus perhaps – audio, please! 🙂

  1058. Audio please, I would love to hear the voice that goes with “The Bloggess” blog! Carp-a-doodle, but I laugh so hard when I read your blog.

  1060. OK if the closest you will be is Gaithersburg then I will really really try to overcome my mild agoraphobia and drive there. I may end up hiding in the bathroom but figure you will find me there 🙂

  1061. Since I’m 2/3rds done with your book I would love to have the audio! I told my husband just a couple of nights ago that while I am reading I can’t help but feel I am missing something because I want to hear YOU read me the book! I see the pictures of people crying from laughing so hard as you read excerpts. I want that. 🙂

    So, Audio please!

  1062. Oh wow, I’d be so excited to get that audiobook! I’ve already got the hardback and Kindle version, I need to complete the set! =D

  1063. I would feel quite posh guffawing over the UK version of your book. 🙂

  1065. Go green! Paper please! Many great wishes on your tour…missed you in Houston 🙁

  1066. Audio please!! 🙂 I would LOVE to have a copy of the book where I can actually have you reading it to me! That would make my year indeed.

  1068. Oo, oo, pick me, pick me! I’ll take both…or just the paperback works, too. 😉

  1069. I would love the paper version! As much as I would enjoy the audiobook, I figure that since I’m in the UK, this is my only shot at being able to get a signed copy of your book. :o)

    (Y’know, unless you fancy doing a little UK book tour – particularly in Scotland??)

  1074. how come the Brits get the banging cover?
    paper me. already got the audio for my Bday – full of random hilarity. thanks.

  1077. I would love a paper copy!! Scratch that, I would be freakishly EXCITED if I got my dirty paws on your book!!

    I’m a junior at the University of Georgia, and it’s finals week (AKA the “week from hell”). Thus, what better way to make it through the week than with the incentive of your AMAZING book? Please and thank you!

  1079. I’d love some audio book because I feel like it would do a way better job than morning raido at waking me up on the way to work. But I’d settle for a paper version too if that’s all you have left if you do happen to randomly select me…I am flying to Europe this summer so I’ll need something to laugh out loud at so people will give me dirty looks on the plane. It’s kinda what I live for.

  1081. Audio version, please! I’ve already read the book, and think that the only possible way to improve on it (other than, y’know, making it 1,000 pages long, a la War & Peace) would be to listen to you read it. Um, please?

  1084. I would L_O_V_E your audio book. I have your book book, and love it too.

  1085. Audio please and thank you. Just recently became a fan… thanks to a girl I work with introducing me to Beyonce.

  1086. Jenny, I would love, Love, LOVE to have an audio version. I’ll bet the blooper reel is fantasic!

  1087. I would love to have the audio version. It would mean sooooo much to me.
    PS: Love the cover.

  1088. So, you came to Dallas. And I missed it. Because I was getting married in Hawaii. I know, right? 1st world problems. But I cried, dammit. I missed the book signing because I was off getting hitched. How unfair is that. Seriously. Un. Fair.

    Could you come back? I mean, you wouldn’t have to come back officially. You could just like, swing by Mi Cocina and sign my kindle. Because I bought the book electronically, because I’m lazy and didn’t want to carry an extra book on top of all my other crap on the plane. (And then I read it on the beach. How many other fans can say they read your book on the beach in Maui while watching humpbacks breaching in the distance and ukuleles were playing in the background, and cabana boys were bringing them ass-raping-expensive Pina Coladas? HOW MANY, I ask you?!!)

    Also, because I’m a walking pharmacy, and could possibly bribe you with Klonopin, Xanax and booze? How about Ambien? Need some decent sleep? I’VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE.

    PS – I’m the mom of a 17-month old son whose favorite past time is screeching his un-verbalized commands. Of course I’m medicated.

    PPS – We’re planning to have another baby eventually. Does this mean there’s better medication out there that I haven’t tapped? Do doctors feel sorry for you after baby #2 and you reach, like, another level of drugs? I need to know these things.

    PPPS – Mi Cocina? You could use a mambo taxi. I’ll buy.

  1089. Paper version! How come everything in the UK is always more whimsical?!

  1091. my parents are step brother and sister. And also, my father is a nudist and my mother is a belly dancer. Some how I think this makes you and I twins that were born in different wombs at birth.

    I have the book on my nook. And I plan to go to Gaithersburg and get you to sign a print copy…so I’m missing THE AUDIO COPY. listening while driving will keep me from texting while driving. YOU COULD BE SAVING LIVES HERE. and we are family.

  1092. Paper is amazing. Its kind of like taxidermied trees I guess … except they arent really taxidermied .. and can you really say that its a preservation of a tree? I dont know … Either way, I’d love to own a gorgeous paper copy of your book! I absolutely love your blog, even though I only discovered it a week ago! <3

  1094. So I’m a day late, hopefully you haven’t picked the winners yet. I would love a paper copy to put in my book collection! Also an added stop on your tour to Hampton Roads VA would make me even happier. I’ll bring you some wine slushies!!

  1096. I swear to god (God?) that this entry gained 200 comments during the time it took me to catch up with reading your entries. You go girl!

    And to hop on the bandwagon (proverbially speaking, having never been on an actual band’s wagon before) I wouldn’t mind a paper copy of your book :3

  1098. I’d love the paper version, though I must admit–I already have the ebook and I came to visit today because I just had to tell you how hard I was laughing at the highschool chapter and the photos of you and your sister dressed as Hollie Hobbie/Laura Ingalls love children. You have a gift.

  1099. I’d love me the paperback, I keep ordering it but then something big and householdy breaks or something else wedding related needs paying for and I end up having to cancel. I’d actually rather have this book than a wedding…

  1101. ooh ooh, pick me pick me…the adorable paper version please!!

  1102. You are awesome!! Love reading your blog. I believe if we lived in the same town, we would be the best of friends. Wish you continued success!!

  1106. The UK cover is fanfreakingtastic! But since I already own the US version is hard copy, I would ‘slightly’ prefer the audio book version. Bloopers rule!

  1107. Over the moon that there will be a UK version, that means I can bribe and beg my inlaws to get me one and send it here to Sweden. I would totally trade my kitty and diazepam for that… or maybe not. I love the feel of curling up with a good book, but on the other hand I found listening to audiobooks really helps me unwind and go to sleep. Paper!

  1108. Paper! Though singing chapter titles and blooper reel is tempting, I love the cover on the UK version. I have to go to Joseph Beth on the 9th!

  1109. *SPOILER ALERT*
    (Dont think that was really required, but I dont want your editor getting mad…)

    I’m thinking about trying the Jenny Lawson colon cleanse and will need something to read since I dont have cats to pass notes back and forth to, so I’m basicall saying, PAPER PLEASE!

  1110. Over the moon that there will be a UK version, that means I can bribe and beg my inlaws to get me one and send it here to Sweden. I would totally trade my kitty and diazepam for that… or maybe not. I love the feel of curling up with a good book, but on the other hand I found listening to audiobooks really helps me unwind and go to sleep. Paper for me! Please and thank you

  1111. I have just discovered you! Oh my, I have to catch up on your blogs and get your book — Paper Please!!

  1118. Congratulations on your success! I read your blog every day. Being that I work in a library, the book version would be best. Needless to say, I’m NOT donating it to the collection. It’s mine, MINE, I tell you…Ahhahaha

  1120. Audiobook please! I already bought your book but have no time to actually sit and read it. I could listen to the audiobook in my car, while changing diapers, etc. You get the idea. Can’t exactly read a book while changing diapers, or at least it’s not recommended. I shouldn’t have to explain this further, really.

  1122. Audio, please! Just because I HAVE to hear you singing. It will make me do that annoyingly high-pitched laugh I have when something just makes me want to hug the world because humor like this exists. Bonus: that laugh hysterically annoys my teen-age son to no end, so WIN all around.

  1123. PAPER!! no… AUDIO… no …. PAPER!! no…. DAMN IT! you fucking pick! Im conflicted.

    ~Valerie

  1124. Oh Oh Oh! Me Me Me! I’d take either one for sure, but I wouldn’t mind having the Audio Version so I can listen to it during my 1.5 hour commute to and from work each day! My current paper version is going with me to Mexico later this month for my first real vacation in years!!! 🙂 Can’t wait! Love you to pieces!!!!

  1127. Since I’ve already got the hard copy book, I would totally go wobbly in the knees for the audio version. But I’m saving the book for my vacation in June (even though it’s killing me).

  1128. are you kidding? blooper reel? singing?
    I want the audio book!!
    (besides i fully intend to buy a hard copy too)

  1129. Do you speak with an English accent in the UK audio version? Audio please!!

  1132. Pick me Pick Me! Paper Copy Please… though it would be hilarious ot listen to your audio version. Oh whichever…

  1136. I’ve completed the US book…LOVED it! I would like the audio version, please….

  1137. It would make my wife extremely happy to have the audio version of your book, and that way I can listen too, when I’m in the room pretending to do other things.

  1138. OOH PAPER!!! I love me some paper. And your book. Well let’s face it, if I don’t win I’m totally buying it anyway, but I really like that UK cover!

  1140. My little sis introduced me to your blog and I can’t stop laughing! Paper or audio book, you choose. Either way I’ll enjoy your stories!

  1141. I would love the paper version, something about turning the pages makes me feel accomplished. I’ve never commented before, but since I am here . . . thanks for the daily laughs.

  1142. The audio book sounds divine. I have only recently discovered your blog and passed it along to many friends. You are a HOOT!

  1144. If it so pleases you, I would love the paper book!! And I would love it if you came to Seattle. :):)

  1150. For some strange reason, when I read your post, this scenario played out in my head:
    “Hi, welcome to The Bloggess, would you like to try my whimsically covered UK released book today?”
    “Yes, please.”
    “Will that be regular print or awesome bonus material sized audio?”
    “Awesome bonus material sized audio, please.”
    “Drive through to the window with the taxidermied mouse.”
    :::drives around corner and stops at window:::
    “What the heck are you doing? I said go to the stuffed *mouse* not apron wearing weasel!”

    Needless to say, I was *very* embarrassed. (Though in my defense, the lighting near the windows was not very good. Did I forget to mention it was night?) Unable to think of a highly amusing response that might redeem me somewhat, I quickly drove away.

    Why you were working the drive through window, I have no idea. Hopefully, you’ll continue selling LOTS of books, however, and can ditch that side job. 😉

  1151. The audio version would totally be made of win. I could listen to you on road trips…heck, I’d take a road trip with my husband or best friend just so we could listen to your book because it is so freaking awesome and laugh and cry and laugh until we cry!

    Audio…pretty please!

  1154. Oh please, oh please I’d love the paper copy! So would my three month old son, to whom I’m reading my friend’s copy of your book. He already gives it a big fucking thumbs up! (His words, not mine.)

  1155. Audio!!! I pre-ordered (and gleefully received) two copies of the paper version already, but I’d love to have the audio version, too. Very very muchly so.

  1156. Paper version if you choose me… I want to frame the cover! I’m addicted to your blog, must read EVERY day!

  1159. Audio…. or paper. Honestly, they’re both pretty damn awesome! 🙂

  1160. Kill a tree or pollute a river… Lets go with tree.
    I can plant a new one. A happy one.
    Paper verison please.

  1162. What’s up with the whimsy only for the UK? I would totally appreciate a little whimsy on my USA cover!
    Oh well, I’m sure there is whimsy to spare inside!
    I would love either audio or whimsypaper-o. You choose, I will smile with either! 🙂

    p.s. While on a historic homes tour, I totally saw a gigantic metal rooster through the fence in a backyard of one of the huge historic homes in my town…i just can’t remember where. maybe i was just dreaming, but I swear it was there. The hunt will begin one lazy Saturday!

  1163. Oxymoronic as it may sound, I always count on the English to bring the whimsy! Paper please (fingers crossed).

  1164. OMFUCKINGG! More than 3000 comments already?! Still better odds than the lottery… the money lottery, not the Shirley Jackson one (which I would probably win even if there were 10,000 entrants.

    Audiobook, please.

  1165. I’m ashamed to say that I have not bought my own copy of your book yet, so a paper copy would be ever so lovely 😉 Even if I decide to buy it, I’m ok with an extra.

  1166. Definitely the Audio Book, I’m (im)patiently waiting for my paper copy to arrive in the mail. I live in a country town right down the bottom of Australia, and your book still hasn’t hit our backwoods shelves, so I had to resort to buying it online from the US. I wish the postage would hurry up.

  1167. I already know how to read really well, but people keep telling me I need to learn how to listen. I figure your book is a good place to start, so CD me with the audiobook, please.

  1169. Why are UK book covers more whimsical? To make us buy TWO copies of the books we love? I’d love the UK version for my bookshelf. Congrats on your success!

  1174. I am comment number 3165 and I would love a hard copy of the uk version! Can’t wait for you to stop by and tell me I’ve won!

  1175. You realize you just made me rethink the benefits of reading paperback, right? I never thought that day would come. I mean…pros v. cons, the audiobook definitely outweighs (singing titles, extra chapter and a blooper real? That’s super-hard to resist) paperback, but I never thought I’d opt for audio instead. Although the cover for the paperback is amazing. And if I had a choice between whimsical UK version or boring US version, I’d definitely pick whimsical. Yes, I am debating it as I’m writing the post, but I have made a decision!

    UK Paperback wins!

    Really, if you’d mentioned the audiobook was a “UK” version, wherein you read the ENTIRE BOOK with an accent…I don’t think that would’ve even needed a debate.

  1176. I’m going to be buying my own paper version in a week, before I go on vacation so I would love to be randomly selected for the audio copy!

  1177. Paper! Because I love the cover and I prefer spelling colour rather than color…and so I can make my hub read it without having to hand over my Kindle

  1178. would love the audio for my hubby to listen to while driving at work! Enjoy your tour and congrats on the success!

  1180. pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me, pick me…..please! audio book!!!! 😉

  1182. I would give my dog’s left testicle for the audio version! Love you Jenny and am loving the book!! (Guess what chapter I just finished reading?!)

  1184. Audio!

    FYI, I cried when I finished the book just because it was over and I was going to miss your voice in my head. You are WAY funnier than the rest of them. 😉

  1185. I’d really appreciate the audio version please. Paper books can lead to paper cuts & they’re very painful. I read the e-version & didn’t have to worry about that. Thanks so much!!

  1186. Really want the audio version so I can take it to Ecuador for six months with me whilst I will most likely be bookless! Love the UK cover those, we do love whimsy!

  1187. Paperback, please. First time i read your blog was in a extremely boring meeting. I was crying and shaking so hard that many people thought I was either having a nervous breakdown or somebody died.

  1188. Jenny, I find you absolutely hilarious! I would love a copy of your book – I would LOVE the paper, but would gladly take the audio, i wont be too picky 🙂

  1190. Paper version please! I need something to sit dead center in my pretend curio cabinet. (the wall that has various weird things nailed to it)

  1192. I love the UK version, but audiobook. I’d love to hear it, and I have a friend I’d like to share that with.

  1193. Either one would be unbelievable. You are an absolute inspiration. Come to Boston, pretty please?

  1194. Paper! Or Audio! I don’t care! I live in Rural Indiana and don’t have any bookstores around me!

  1197. paper. I love how it looks! I’d like a copy for each bathroom for guests to read. Then I can start saying things like, “Sure, use the UK restroom. I’ve got knitting soaking in the American sink.”

  1198. I would love, LOVE a paper copy pretty pretty please with sugar on top!! 🙂

  1200. I would certainly love the extra u’s in the UK version!

    (and the fancy pants cover.)

  1201. I don’t know if you’re still taking entries, but I would love the audio version. Oh, and I’m happy to hear that you’ll be in my area, Gaithersburg, in two weeks!!! Awesome.

  1202. I would love a hard copy of the book. I have the e-reader version and it is great!

  1205. I would love love love the paper version! It’s so pretty and makes me smile!

  1207. I’d love the audio! I’ve been pimping it out on twitter since the soundcloud link went up. Not literally pimping it out. I’m not sure how effectively that would work.

  1208. Audio, pretty please with a taxidermied hedgehog polka band on it!!

  1209. AUDIO !!!! I want to get the blooper reel !!! How can it be a blooper when everything is so utterly fabulous. It will be the giggity-bomb !!!

  1212. LOVE the look of the cover of the paper version – SO cool! Sounds like you are having some grand adventures on the book tour – have fun!

  1213. Paper version…….please come to Milwaukee! Beer City needs you!

  1214. I would be tickled to hear your audiobook!
    My first edition won’t be worth much since i’ve snotted all over it (from snorting with laughter).

  1215. Audio version! Just finished my fabulously signed copy and I’ve never laughed so much reading a book–it was so much fun! Can’t wait for book 2 :)!

  1216. DO I have to choose?!?!?!? That cover is GREAT… but I pick the audiobook. That way my sister and I can enjoy it together.

  1219. I would love a copy of the audio version. I just started reading the print copy but would love to hear you read it. Thanks!

  1220. Audio 🙂 It would probably be that much funnier. Than the Bible.

  1221. paper if you are willing to send it to a stressed out veterinary student in Ireland who would love to read your book once finals are over! =)

  1222. I’d love to win the audio version of the book, since I have to drive to Florida in June with five other people and we’re planning to drive straight from Boston to Tampa (27 hours, baby, yeah!) and need *something* to keep us awake. And I get carsick if I try to read in a car, which is unfortunate, because I already bought your book and read passages from it to whoever happens to be near me when something makes me laugh out loud. So basically I’ve already read the whole thing out loud, anyway. But hearing it in your awesome Minnie Mouse voice would be so much better.

    If I don’t win the audio book, though, I’ll probably buy it anyway for the road trip. Mostly because hearing, “What, what the fuck? Did she really just say that?” will be entertaining for several hours, or (hopefully) all of South Carolina.

  1224. Paper please! Well now I feel like I’m at a grocery store but saying “paperback version” just sounds pompous. Yeah, I’ll just leave it at that.

  1227. I’m so proud of you. You total stranger, you.
    Only you’re not. And that had to have been scary as hell.
    I’m proud of you.

    I’d love to have a copy of the UK version if you catch my number.
    But let’s be honest.
    I’m going to buy the book as soon as I can find a copy. I hope I get a chance to see you on your new dates – (Think CHICAGO!) Hopefully I’ll have a chance to have you sign it.

    Best of luck, lady. Keep your head up. I know it’s scary. Wonderful can be scary too.

  1228. Paperback all the way, I would be unable to drive and listen to you without losing control of my vehicle. I can however drive and read at the same time.

  1229. On YouTube I caught a video of you reading a chapter and I thought hearing it in your tone and with your personality added a whole new dimension to the book. I’m going to be a true fangirl and get the audio book now as well.

  1232. Does the UK version have a British accent? Would love the audio version!!

  1234. Does the UK version have a British accent? Would love the audio version!!

  1240. Please, please, PLLLEEEAAASEEE pick me. Paper copy please. Pretty please.

  1241. Paper please! Which reminds me…does it annoy anyone else that every, single commercial/sitcom/movie where a person is returning with groceries shows them carrying paper bags? Yet, I never see this in real life. Also, they always have some sort of leafy vegetable hanging out of the top. It’s not even in a produce bag. Where are these magical stores that let customers pluck carrots straight from the ground and then whimsically situate them so that everyone knows you eat healthy?

  1245. I read the U.S. hardcover version of your book but I would love love love the audiobook, if only for the singing!…and because I could play snippets of the book to people instead of badly retelling your stories 🙂 I loved reading the book- at times it made my cry (I could relate so much) and at times I laughed so hard I thought I’d pee myself…the true test of excellent literature.

  1246. I would love the paperback as I let my friend take a look when she was over. She laughed hysterically, told me how great it was … and then took it home with her. I’ve been told I won’t get it back.

    I need a new book. And a new friend. But mostly … the book.

  1248. Beacuse I’m sure I can’t have both….I’d love the audio version. Singing titles? Whats not to love about that?!

  1249. It’s too hard to choose! I love the feel of a book and reading but I would also love to hear you read to me, like a bedtime story! A very strange bedtime story. So, surprise me.

  1250. As much as I’d love to hear you singing I’m a traditionalist. 😉 I’d love to have the hard copy! I wish you were coming to Georgia for your book tour!!! 🙁 We’ll miss you here!!!

  1252. This list must be giving you a headache…or a heart lift! or both!
    Audio please, if I am so lucky!

  1253. Throwing my hat into the ring here for the audio version! Thank you!

  1254. Paper, please. Is there much difference between the UK & US versions? Did you have to learn British slang?

  1259. Audio.
    I thought I was the only nut-job with a morbid/slightly whacked sense of humor and life-perspective out there who has day to day experiences unlike anyone else. Apparently there are two of us. The stories we could tell over a beer…or four! My husband wonders how I survive day to day. Ask him how his day went..”fine.” Ask me and it begins with “the most awesomest thing happened on the freeway today.”..and it goes from there. I am not making this up. My friend recently traveled out of town with me and she was all “Holy crap! Kevin is right. Shit really does happen with you everywhere we go!” That trip was complete with three bizarre and disturbingly funny episodes.

    Anyhow..love you blog and would love to read your book! Congratulations on your success!

  1260. My husband has said that we must listen to your audio book together as a “date” so Audio please.

  1261. I would LOVE the audio book! I’m so happy for you and all the wonderful GOOD things that are going on in your life right now!

  1262. I have just finished the book and would love, love, love a copy of the audiobook, please!

  1266. God, I would love to have a paper version. Probably more than I’d like to have a pet elephant – which you may not know, but I happen to believe one day this dream will become reality – despite my boyfriend’s sharp wordily comments about not bringing home any more stray animals. Psh. But really, I love you. Almost as much as elephants.

  1269. Audio please. I think I hear your voice in my head already as I read the book. I want to see if I’m right.

  1270. Don’t know if you’ve picked a winner yet, but it can’t hurt to try! I would love the audiobook, now that I’ve gotten used to the idea that you don’t have a Texas twang like I’d imagined 😉

    Thanks!

  1271. I would absolutely love a paper copy of your book.

    PS. Why does it ask for a website when I post a comment? I just put in google.

  1277. I do love that cover but the audio book would be great! I know I would laugh for the whole 50 minute (each way) commute I have every day. Glad to hear you are adding more cities on your tour, would love to see you in Denver.

  1278. I would love either, actually.
    Moreso the paper version, just cause I’m not sure what format the audiobook would be in and I wouldn’t want to risk not being able to “read” it.
    Just a couple days ago, I saw this on a shelf at Walmart, then looked it up online later…skipped it over for now.
    Then today, someone just recommended I come read this blog, cause it had her laughing so hard she woke up her bf in bed a couple times this past week. Then I get here, and the first post is about your book, which shocked me. I was like, omg it’s that woman! no way! LOL.

  1279. Oooh ooh! Pick me! I would love to have the audiobook version- just to hear you singing the titles! awesome!

  1281. oooooooohhhh! that cover is so preeeeeeeeetttty! I never understood why the US and UK versions of books are often different.
    Anywho, audio book, if you please!

  1282. UMM, I TOTALLY want an audio copy. So I can listen in the car. And at work. And while “exercising.” But really, I’m a rocket scientist and I build satellites and the nerdy old men I work with give me funny looks when I wear flower headbands to work. I need some funny in my life.

    Also, I bought a copy on my nook and I heart this book.

  1283. I would give you my soul for a copy of your audiobook with you singing the titles. My SOUL. Well, I’m an atheist, so it would really be just a ziploc bag of glitter and glow in the dark zombie figurines. But it’s soul-like to ME. And I would give you two of them, so you would have a spare in case you needed an extra soul.

  1284. I’d love to have the paper book please.
    Laughing along with the ebook, and it would be great to have another to pass on to a friend in need of some no nonsense words.

  1285. Holy Hawkeye there are a lot of comments here! We are all so excited about your book. If I’m selected, Audio please!

  1286. Pick me, pick me! The paper version please!! I’m holding out to buy the book until I can get an autographed copy, hoping you will add someplace near me to your book tour.

  1287. Oh my sweet lord! I now have carpal tunnel after scrolling and scrolling and scrolling…

    Over 3,000 comments – show-off 😉

    I’d love to have the paper version. The whimsy is just too irresistible.

  1288. Paper…pleez??? OMG’sh. I have never posted on your site b4 but I swear you have got to be my sista from another mista!!!!!! I read your blogs and think “that is soooo me! ” and my friends tend to agree. Not a bad thing 🙂 And I live in Florida but you aren’t coming anywhere near L.A. …aka Lower Alabama really but actually and truly in Florida. All the way at the tip ….northwest Florida. Ok, I will quit rambling because you may think I’m some kind of freak stalker or something. Which I am not! However I am not above bribery so milk, dark or white chocolate? Oh, and did I say PAPER?

  1290. My comment seems to have disappeared *POOOF* Please pick me and let me have the audio version. Unless you have already chosen that winner, then please choose me an let me have the UK version. Really, cause I love you and you seem to have forgotten to add Utah to your book tour.

  1291. Paper vs. plastic??? 😉 Paper please! Because my husband listens to audio, I don’t, so he would probably get the audio copy and listen to it and fall in love with you, and that would just be awkward all around. I am not quite ready to be a sister wife, though getting to share your wardrobe would be rather sweet …

  1292. I love checking in to your blog, it brings me daily happiness!
    If I were to win a book, paper would be divine!

  1293. Jenny,

    I have an hour commute to work and have just discovered my love of audiobooks. I can’t imagine a better ride to work than hearing you read your memoir. Plus, since I would be listening in my car, I couldn’t leave a comment telling you how your voice doesn’t sound like I thought it would.

  1294. I would love the paper version. I’ve followed you since way back on the original Newspaper blog, and you are way better here 🙂

    On another note, thanks for sharing…You are an awesome and amazing person.

  1295. Audio please! And please let me know if you are coming to DC or Springfield VA!!!!

  1296. Audio please. I’m half way through the hardcover and love it! Would love the extra chapter, and I’ll donate the book to a library or hobo that I think could benefit by your commentary about polar bears who don’t belong in social situations.

  1297. Jenny! I would loooove the audio. I already have the Kindle version. As a matter of fact, if I manage to catch you on tour, I’m having you sign that motherfucker. Yes, my Kindle. I’d probably like you to write, “GIVE ME SOME BASKETTI” on the back. I haven’t decided yet.

  1298. Audiobook, please! Then I can listen to it while “reading” my paper version, like those read-along cassette tapes when we were little. I hope the audiobook has the option to have a little TInkerbell sound play when it’s time to turn the page.

  1302. Audio version, please! I have a long road trip coming up and I would love to have something to make the hours seem shorter.

  1303. I’m a big fan of real paper books! And since I’m too cheap to buy it myself, winning would be awesome.

  1305. Audio version please (and thank you!). We have a ten-hour drive (one way!!!!) to get to my son’s wedding in June…This would be ideal…and maybe save me from chucking people out the window…

  1307. Paper please! also on a random, totally unrelated question ive always wanted to ask. Are you familiar with the vlogbrothers on youtube? if not, totally check them out!

  1309. I have a first edition??

    My life is totally complete and I can die happy.

    Not right now. I still have shit to do. But when I do, it’ll be miserably happy.

  1310. I don’t know if my brain could handle the wackiness that would be actually listening to Ms. Jenny read her very own book to me…..Madness, I tell you. I just bought your book today on iTunes and my iPhone has been glued to my hand all day….made little things like grocery shopping, working, and diaper changes hard!

  1312. Either would be great, though I suspect that the paper might be better since driving while laughing so hard you are crying is generally frowned upon in most societies.

  1314. I would love the paper copy :we love you in atchison Kansas !

  1315. Audio! I have to drive from Florida to Maine with a one year old. I really hope I get this!

  1316. But … do you have a version of you singing a chapter *in a british accent*?

    Or Wil Wheaton singing the excerpt on photocopied penises in a british accent, that would be good.

    Not Nathan Fillion, though. The idea of Nathan Fillion in HR is just … terrifying, you know?

    Amy!

  1318. Payy-pahhh por favor.
    You should consider a tour stop in Hawaii… Oahu, more specifically. Just sayin’.

  1321. Audio book or paper copy would be beautiful, please! Also, will you please come to Portland, Oregon? I can’t afford to fly to any of your venues, and I would love to meet you. 🙂

  1322. Audiobook please! I’m thinking of getting it for my parents for Mother’s and Father’s day and I’m currently attempting to buy a house so I shouldn’t spend the money so if I won it that would be freakin’ awesome. ~deep breath~ Sorry, got excited. 😉

  1324. I would love love love the audio – I am an audio book addict – I read books and then listen over and over and over to the audio books when I can get my hands on them PLEASE I would love it

  1326. If I don’t win the audiobook, I’ll buy it! I will!

    I don’t understand how threats work.

  1328. I am #81 on the wait list at the my local library and I am obsessively checking the list daily bc I hate having to wait my turn. I would love a copy of my very own so if I get picked can iplease e get the paperback version?

  1330. a paper copy would make me happier than a college student after finals.

  1332. Audio is nice, but paper will never be ‘not a supported format… please upgrade’.
    Can’t wait to read your book… you are so impossibly entertaining!

  1334. As a left handed lesbian twin, I have already experienced randomness in a great way, but I would love to add getting your UK version in print via randomness. I hope you are having fun on your tour, you deserve all the praise, as you are great as a writer. Thanks

  1338. I would love the print. I need the paper to make a new pair of winter shoes.

  1340. I have only just found you…I live in the literary wilderness of Spain – thank goodness for computers.
    Would be over the moon with either version, but the audio wins by a smidgen -:)

  1342. Ummm… hello! I want an audio version! because when I’m ear-podding it all over Buffalo, NY, I want the randome cackles and talk-backs to be to you and your former self. Looooove, Emily.

  1344. COME TO NEW ZEALAND!!!!!!!!! Will welcome you with open arms!

    I would love the book! (Hopefully you can ship to NZ!)

  1345. I would love the paper version! My attention span is by far too short to manage an audiobook, alas. 🙁
    Plus, I feel you owe it to me because as far as I’m aware, your tour doesn’t include any Australian locations. Clearly this is an oversight on your part that can only be corrected by the sending of at least one copy of your book to Australia… 😉 (Hey, it was worth a try!)

  1346. My DARLING wife bought me the UK version as a big surprise! She is slightly jealous of you and how much I love you but she bought me the book cause she knew it would make me happy. . .Now I just need to convince her that the audio book is a must as well. . .

  1347. Damn, it’s hard to scroll all the way down to the comment box on eensy-weensy phone screen. I’d love an audiobook, since I already own a US version, or will when UPS gets it’s act together and stops making me wait for my lovely:) copy.

  1349. I’d love the audiobook! I’m living out of the country right now and couldn’t get a copy if I tried!

  1351. I would LOVE to have the audio copy so I can listen to it on the plane to Europe and pretend I’m not a nervous wreck during the (hopefully very, very short) bouts of turbulence that seem inevitable even though I always ask that they turn that shit off when I fly.

    Anyway, it would be so awesome to annoy all the other passengers by laughing out loud all the way to London and then when they start throwing their plastic cups at me I will show them why I’m laughing out loud and they will all go “Oh, The Bloggess, well of course she’s laughing out loud, that chick is hysterical! In fact, I’ve gotta buy a copy of that book as soon as we land, I could use a good laugh too” and then you’ll sell at least another 256 copies just like that!

    I’m just saying, it could be a great marketing ploy to pick me!!

    PS I just love you Jenny, you make me laugh when I really need it, and always out loud which is the best! Thank you!!

  1352. Audio version.
    I think. But it will be hard to hear over the laughter.
    So…paper.
    But my tears of laughter will damage the pre-priceless first edition.
    So…audio.
    But …
    No. Definitely audio version.

  1356. Yay my UK copy shipped today for delivery on the 10th. Since I’ve ordered the book, the audiobook would compliment it.

  1359. Would love some paper to clutch to my breast. Better still if it had your writings on it then I cold read it first. Ps LOVE the blog.

  1360. I would absolutely love the audio version. Pls make my 1 1/2 hour commute (each way) memorable!!

  1363. I would love the audio book! (okay, i would totally love on the paper version, but i need more silly singing in my life…but, then, who doesn’t?)

  1366. Either or.
    Lots of comments here…. You ever wonder which ones may actually be stalkers? lol I do. *looks to the person above*
    not me tho. I’m not even ambitious enough to clean my house much less stalk. BUT I have my suspicions about these others…..
    Changed my mind, make it the UK edition. I’m fickle like that.

  1367. P.S. by stalker i mean every awesome person should have one. If you don’t think anyone here will do, i’d be happy to shop around for a decent one for you. 🙂

  1368. Is it too late? I tried to enter last night…computer froze…woke up today and had some sort of terminal error on computer screen can’t be good… but made sure I took the time to restart computer before leaving for work just so that I could say… paper please.
    You make me laugh on days I don’t think I have anything left in me to laugh … thank you for that!

  1370. I was so excited to see you on the bestsellers list.
    It feels a little strange to say, since we’ve never met, but I’m insanely proud of you!
    (Paper version)

  1374. I drive 3 hours round trip to the office several times a week- the audio book would make that a lot more fun!! 🙂

  1376. I would love to get my hands on a paper version! Dying to read this book!

    Thanks!

  1378. Audio please!!! So I can pretend you’re in the car with me on long drives!

    cheers
    ann

  1380. Audio please – i am laughing at the thought of hearing you singing the titles!

  1381. There was no way in heck my phone could scroll all the way to the bottom of these comments. What does immense popularity feel like? 🙂

    My preference would be the audio book. Hope you are coming back to the Northeast. Thanks!

  1388. yikes, just found out about you. would love a paperback (or audio)…can’t wait to read ya

  1390. AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

    I lobbied and lobbied, and finally you’re coming….on the ONE weekend I have to be across country. The first weekend I’ve taken since January, and it has to be the one you’re coming to DC!

    I’ll have to settle for my book plate, and Jesus sticker (the gardener) and my first edition. *sigh*

    Robin

    p.s. Why do the Brits get the fancy calligraphy? Now I’ll have to go get one of those, too! (cause you just know I”m going to be pushing this book on ALL my friends!)

  1391. Paper, please! Also, I love you. In a completely platonic way, of course, but it’s still love! 🙂

  1392. Jenny,
    I just read your “Happiness project” interview, and have a follow-up request. Please create some “Pretend you’re good at it” merchandise. Perhaps with Juanita or Hamlet on it?
    Thanks for helping me feel normal.
    Kat

  1393. The Audio version! I already have the book (read it and loved it!). My husband and I are taking a road trip at the end of May and I would love, LOVE! to take it with us.

  1394. Would totally love the audio book, please, please, pretty plese with a Juanita on top (kinda like a cherry, but more your speed with a stuffed ferret. That’s right! I’m always thinking of others.) 🙂 loving your book, reading the iBook version, can’t tell you how many times I’ve laughed out loud!

  1396. I was laughing so hard at some parts, I was crying and had a sore throat afterwards! Even as I was laughing, I was thinking, “Should I be laughing at this? I’m glad it’s a book, because if she was telling me this story, I’d still be laughing, which may be inappropriate and embarrassing for both of us!”

    Buy this book if:
    – you like Jenny’s website
    – you’re not easily offended
    – you’ve ever worked in HR

    Don’t buy this book if:
    -Cursing offends you
    -You’re easily offended

    Big Cheers!

  1398. I love you and your blog. Don’t know if the competition extends to South Africa. Audio Book please!

  1399. I know I don’t deserve it, but I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the audio version!!! Please.

  1407. Oh Bloggess, I am enjoying your book more then any other one that I have ever read in my whole life. You are a gift to humanity and I can’t wait to go to your Skype night at Jo-Beth books (Cincinnati) which is only a mile away- yay! I would love another copy of your fabulous book… AUDIO por favor!
    many thanks!
    maggie

  1408. I would love the audio book…already have a paper edition but the UK cover is fabulous!

    BTW, I just found a birthday card about magical unicorns that I bought for my dad but it instantly made me think of you. If you have a PO box for junk mail from adoring fans, I would love to send you a copy of the card.

  1409. Paper addition, please!!!! It would awesome if you added some tour dates around Northwest Florida! 🙂

  1411. I would love the paper version! I have you on Kindle but would love to hold the book in hand and share it with friends (I know – they should buy there own!)

  1412. Oh, and if I have any say in which tour locations to add, Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta!!!

  1413. Audio would be awesome!!! Congrats, USA TODAY said last week your book was in the Top 20 sitting pretty at #17!!!!

  1415. No chance in hell for me, but I would love, LOVE, love an AUDIO copy of your book. Thank you for always making me laugh. I still want a metal chicken!

  1416. Wow. There are over 3400 comments already! But hey – I just finished reading your book on my Kindle – devoured it actually (so glad I happened upon your blog about a year ago! I look forward to every new post and working my way backwards through the old ones)! I won’t go on an on (though I easily could) BUT, I will say that I kinda regretted not buying the actual hard copy of the book so I could get a better look at the pictures in it (old kindle pictures kinda suck) so the UK version would be great…though I would also love to hear you read it (I love being read to, though not in a creepy way…that probably made me sound creepier actually. I’ll shut up now) AND get the extra chapter, “titles song” and bloopers…! I don’t know why I’m going on and on…of all the times to leave comments that I think you might actually READ – this is obviously not the one. Oh well. Congrats on the book and all that comes with it!

  1417. Oh pick me! Pick me!!!

    I would like a paper copy but I’m not picky.

  1418. Wow, so cool! I would love to win the paper version! Pretty please!

  1420. damn if I wouldn’t love a copy of the audiobook. I would dress it up like a big square Hamlet von Schnitzel.

  1421. p.s. after MD visit, make a quick stop in Boston!! we’d love to have you and all your furry friends.

  1422. Paper copy of the UK book version, please. Unless there is a UK version of the audio-book (you, reading the book in a British accent), in which case I will take that instead.

  1423. I totes would love the audiobook. It would be a great birthday gift from you to me, a complete stranger.

  1427. I would love an audio version. I do a lot of driving out of town and I’m a huge fan of audio books…adding yours to my collection would be the ultimate! Thanks for always bringing a smile to my face 🙂

  1428. Ah poo, I never win anything. Actually, that’s a lie, I won a beer t-shirt at a bar once. But I would LOVE to win this book/audiobook. It’s hard to choose. I’m a book junkie, but I would love to hear you read it and mess up and stuff… So IF I win, you choose. Either way I’ll be a happy camper.

  1430. Would love to have the paper one. Love the cover,very cute!

  1432. I would love to have the book!
    New fan here – I found your blog after reading The Happiness Project author Gretchen Rubin’s interview with you.
    I just read your blog post from April 30th “Depression Lies” and watched the video. Wow. Thank you for sharing so openly… I am changed for the better for having watched this. I deal with depression and anxiety and my daughter has recently started having issues. This video will be very helpful to open up a dialog with her about getting help and moving forward.
    Bless you! Keep doing what you do!

  1433. How do you choose!?! I already have the book (Read it. Loved it. People look at you funny when you’re laughing and you’re alone), but if I had the book I could loan mine out, but there is extra in the audio… um… either! No, that’s not an answer… I choose the cool UK book.

  1434. That’s a hard decision! I’m going on a trip to London, soon, so I’ll opt for the UK version.

  1437. Oooooh, the paper version would be awesome (tough call since the audiobook sounds super awesome too!). We totally picked up the non-UK version last night for my BF’s mom. Kind of a mother’s day/sorry you have cancer sort of present.

  1444. Your book sucks, you suck, this site sucks, your writing sucks, your thinking sucks, your humor sucks, your fans suck————-.
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    I want the hardbound edition. Signed. Or the suckass paper edition. Signed.
    Hurry the fuck up.

  1450. the ? should have been a heart. i understand how they get confused…

  1455. OMG I would love to hear you read this! Audio pretty please. I love this book, although I have discovered that reading it at work on break only makes people think something is wrong with me as I try to contain my outbursts of laughter. LOVE THE BOOK. Thanks Jenny 🙂

  1456. I would sure love a new book right now. Here it is, Star Wars Day, and what did I wake up to this morning? Snow. That’s right. Fresh snow. And forecasted through the weekend, as well. I don’t care if this IS Alaska (it is), snow in May is just… wrong. Well, if I have to deal with it, I might as well pretend it’s winter and get myself some hot cocoa and a book and go snuggle under a blanket. Oh wait, I don’t have a new book. Unless you want to send me one? Pleeeease?

  1457. Audio, please! Then I can listen to you while I travel for work. I will buy it even if I don’t win (but pretend I didn’t say that in case it influences your decision).

  1459. I would love a paper version please. I just moved to the UK from Australia and have saved buying your book for the UK as a special treat. Like a you-actually-moved-countries-you-did-it-yay-you kind of present. You have inspired me to get back into writing. I have a short story being published soon because of you. (Well, obviously not technically because of you. It was really Beyonce. She’s a motivational speaker of mammoth metal proportions.) Thank you. I wish I was in the US and could come to your tour. X

  1461. I would love the paper book please! I haven’t bought it yet, because I’m a poor college student living off Ramen and anxiety medication. I LOVE YOU.

  1462. paper please, although i am curious as to how one signs an audio copy?

    should you find yourself in the chicago area, you can totally hide in my bathroom. i even have a squishy cat you can squeeze for comfort if you’d like. also? i have wine. lots of wine. you should totally visit!

  1463. Oh poop. Choosing is like picking a favorite child. I’m not a big audiobook person but I feel like these stories NEED audio retelling, so I’d say the audiobook. That UK cover is gorgeous, though!

    Also, I’m SO SAD that you’re coming to Gaithersburg on the one night that I have plans (a second cousin of my partner’s wedding). How do I properly stalk you to find out if I can get my book signed earlier in the day? I’ll pay for cholorofo- I mean, brunch!

  1464. Audio please. I have two copies of the hardback. I ordered one as soon as you said it was available from Amazon last fall then bought another at the book signing in Dallas. My neighbor’s birthday is tomorrow, so guess what she is getting!

  1466. Audio would be The Shizz cuz when I read I fall asleep (I got The Preg and a 19month old, so…yeah)

    I think you should pick me because I am a total VIRGIN to your blog! (Not sure why, but I guess that needs caps.) I would love to listen to your awesomeness on my sucky daily commute!

    Pick me pretty please!

  1467. Any time there are more than 3,400 comments I have to add one because you never know when you’ll just happen to come up with a line that is really funny, wise or insightful and with 3,400 other comments it is a guarantee that they’ll pick yours to read twice.

    The first time will be because it is the last or almost last comment and no one wants to read 3,000 other comments. And then the second time will be because they can’t help but wonder if you are really wise or maybe even funny.

    Funny and wise would be great. Funny and wise is like the killer combination that the universe rarely gives out because it is a stingy bastard, the universe that is.

    But one can hope and one can try to catch that brass ring and become both funny and wise. Blog on Bloggess.

  1468. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!! Paper back!!! 🙂 this would be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

  1469. I’d love a chance to win an audio verison of the book!

    … the cover on the UK book ROCKs though!!! 🙂 Glad the book is taking off so well… I’m still patiently waiting for my Amazon order—mail can take a long time when you live at the Arctic Circle! Sarah

  1471. Audio book would be fabulous!! I love the UK’s book cover though

  1473. Oh if only you were to come to my home town, I would happily stand in line for hours to get my signed copy, but alas I would just have to settle for winning a paper copy of your book

  1479. I would love the audio book. I just finished reading your book last night. I loved it! In other news, I have added douche canoe to my vernacular.

  1480. OMG, I wish you were coming in person to Lansing! I would SO ditch work and make the drive! I would love the Audio if I get picked! Thank you!

  1481. I would LOVE, love, LOVE the audiobook!!!! Hope you’re having a great tour so far. It’s looked awesome from this end. 🙂

  1483. I am planning to buy the book at some point here, but just in case I can get lucky and win a copy, I’d love the paper version. I like the whimsical cover. 🙂

  1485. Audio and or Video please. Paper works too.

    What do you mean I didn’t need to read all the previous comments?

  1488. I love your blog & am looking forward to listening to your book one way or another. (Audiobook please;) Keep fighting the good fight & thanks for being an inspiration!

  1490. Is there a way to get a signed book plate for my kindle cover? I bought your ebook and loved it! I couldn’t put it down.

  1491. Audio would be wonderful… then I could give it to my sister, who listens to books on her commute.

    Also, I hope you’re coming to Boston or somewhere in the Northeast on your upcoming tour dates – I’d love to come!!

  1494. Paper version, please? The cover is really fantastic on that one.

  1496. Paper is my preference since I think the cover art is completely kicking and frame-able.

    So how did the taxidermy obsession start? I’m guessing a stuffed moose head fell off the wall and hit you on your noggin when you were a wee child.

  1499. Paper! Paper! Read all about it!! I can not pass a huge rooster without almost peeing my pants!! You are one sick puppy… <——— that was said with much love!! 🙂

  1503. I would love love love a paper copy! P.S. I just found your website today, I am officially obsessed! So thank you for adding hilariousness to my boring work day! So happy to have found you!!

  1504. I would LOVE the paper version please please please – b/c I purchased this on my nook, and would prefer a real paper copy. Thanks 🙂 It is fantastic! Just got back from vacation and 3 of us were all reading it at the same time.

  1506. Holy Cow! that’s a lot of comments. Wowza! Like others before have said, I bought the book as an ebook (on my Kindle) – but I stick by my commitment to not acquire paper books and take up more room and kill more trees than I have to for my Stephen King collection, so my compromise here is to ask for the audio version (besides, you? singing the titles? wow!)

  1514. Oooh, paperback and you are coming to Gaithersburg! Awesome:)

  1515. Oh Id love the paperback! More than you can even imagine. And infinitely more so if it was sent by you.

  1516. I want that snazzy looking UK paperback version, please! I’ve been living next door to the UK for the past year and I’m about to head back to the U.S.ofA. so it would be a souvenir with a great story! PLUS! It would be great reading material for the 24 hour return trip I have to look forward to. Can’t wait to read it!

  1517. Audio Audio Audio Pleeeeease 😀

    You are freaking awesome, you know that Jenny?

  1521. I am currently reading your book and would love to have an audio to listen on road trips with my hubby. he is allergic to books, so it would be the perfect way to bloggess him.

  1525. I would love the audio version to listen to on my long commutes home. Laughing would make me far less ragey.

  1529. I would love the paper version! That little bit of whimsy is so perfect.

  1530. Are you coming to washington? You should totally come to washington! You could come to Seattle and go to Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe. They’ve got all sorts of crazy shit that should probably be on your shelves already, like a real mummy and a two headed calf and some other crazy taxidermy stuff. Really it’s worth the trip just for that 😉

  1531. I would love to win the audiobook version! My husband and I are soon to go on a road trip. That’s make it surreal 🙂

  1533. Is it overly selfish to ask for both? Fine. Audio, please. I laughed my ass off reading it, although my experience growing up in a small west Texas town was slightly different. Less squirrel puppets.

  1540. Honestly, either one. But the Audio would be SO fun so I can have a Bloggess listening party with my friends on the next girls night… kinda like spreading the Gospel only humorous!!

  1543. Sure wish Coral Gables wasn’t four freaking hours away!!! Come to St. Petersburg.

  1545. Paper please. And so excited it made #1 first week. So happy for you. Thank you for all the smiles, laughs, and tears (in a good way).

  1547. Ok…if I could have one…it would definitely be the whimsical paper version. It’s so pretty in that whole dont mind the dead animal on the cover sort of way. Which I dont. And I like how your name looks like it was scrolled with unicorn blood ala Harry Potter.

  1548. I’d love the audio since I’m already part way through my paper copy!!
    Loving it so much and as a bummed Canadian who couldn’t get the special signed book plate….I really think you should just ignore all the other comments and pick me. Come on Jenny…be neighborly

  1550. I would love the paper copy.

    Congratulations on the book and the NYT Best Seller list!

  1553. One day I will send pictures of an ARMY of Beyonce’s I happened upon one day in the woods. One was wounded. I think the others were protecting her. (Audio please)

  1554. please pick me. my awesomeness level has been down lately and i know that if you send me the paper version, it will surely rise back up to spider monkey level. because, you know, all spider monkies are super awesome plus they get to climb in trees, which is what we all really want to do, no matter how old we become.

  1555. Oooh, this is like one of those tough heart-wrenching decisions at the supermarket…paper or plastic….do I choose paper and feel like I’m helping the landfills or do I choose plastic and know I’ll save money on buying those little bags for the bathroom trash can….hmmmmmm…..Paper please!

  1556. I love the book! But now I need the audiobook because my husband hates reading and he *MUST* experience your book! 😀

  1557. If I had to choose, I’d go with paper version but either would work. Thanks for being awesome, Jenny.

  1558. Book shortages, you say? An excellent problem to have. my dear. You can blame me a bit, since I bought two of them. Audio for me, if I win. Since I’ve already hogged the books. 🙂
    By the way, I read the book on my commute to work. I was laughing so hard that I was making other people laugh by osmosis. Remind me, if I win, to share the Barbie Harry Potter double wedding pictures. Hitler crashed the reception and shot up the cake. (This will make perfect sense when you see the photos.)

  1560. Oh my goodness, I would be overjoyed to have the audiobook since I already have the paper and want to hear the extra bonus stuff!!!

  1562. Audio would be amazing cause I already have a signed paper copy and the e-book 🙂 I read it in 1 day and adored it 🙂

  1565. Oh, I can’t decide! I will flip a coin to decide…..paper version it is! Or the Audio, either would be completely awesome 🙂

  1566. Audio bloopers are pretty much my favourite thing on the planet.
    So… audio 🙂

  1568. Jenny, sorry I had never heard of you but read a great review of your book in People (I know) Magazine. I read it in 2 days on vacation. Great book, you are extremely funny! Thanks for the laughs….I think my bf was pissed I basically ignored him the entire trip because I could not put it down!

  1569. I have bought this on pre-order (in the UK) despite being made homeless. So I don’t want a copy of the book, I just want something for free. Maybe a really big umbrella that I can read all my books under as I sit on the street? Or a faithful mutt companion? Or some really good prescription drugs. I could do swapsies, I’ve got three of the top ones.

    I don’t know what I’m on about now. Bye x

  1570. I would LOVE the audio version because I didn’t get to go see you when you were in the SF Bay Area. Pretty please…*fingers crossed*

  1571. I would LOVE the book edition!
    I hope you can add Wisconsin to your tour!

  1579. Audio, please audio! I want to hear your dulcet tones spewing profanity.

  1580. After over 3300 comments, I know chances are slim to none, but I’d love either. I.prefer to read, but I think the audio book with you singing would be better! Have a great time in FL and more photos of you smiling would be awesome! Be safe and try to stay sane here in the land of fucking bat shit crazy.

  1581. I love your book! I’d love the audio version of your book. I’ll play the age appropriate chapters for my six year old 🙂 Also, thought you might appreciate this truck http://wtf-taxidermy.livejournal.com/. From the way you describe your father he might have been happy to drive it!

  1582. I HAVE YOU ON KINDLE BUT I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE MY MOM THE PAPER COPY. YOU RAISED RACOONS WE RAISED A SKUNK. LMAO YOU ARE SO MYHERO AND ROLE MODEL

  1583. Audio, audio, audio (like sunday, sunday, sunday) b/c then laugh like a crazy as I listen to it on my walks, and all the creepies that live near me will steer clear.

  1584. Hello my love!!! I just stumbled on your website (well, not the tech way, and not the literal way, but through the Canadian broadcasting corporation). And already a few words in i love the site 🙂 i don’t often ogle blogs, but when I do, I’m not ashamed to give it the top down stare, it you know what I mean (que creepy eyebrow lift).

  1586. I would definitely take either one but please gimme the audio book if I have to choose. If not, both or either. You decide. You know best and thanks for the chance! And if you choose me, thanks for the book or audio book. Thank you.

  1588. The audio version, please! Also, I never would have pegged the English to have the more whimsical anything – we’re supposed to be STOIC!

  1589. The audio book we be great for my long drives home stuck in traffic!!

  1592. Audio, please! All my favorite talk radio stations have gone under, so I desperately need something to entertain me in the car. And the voices in my head are getting cranky about all the overtime – They’re probably going to unionize soon.

  1593. Paper copy to share with my friends! I just finished reading the book and it was awesome. Page 11…I was laughing so hard I was crying. Because I can identify. No, I’ve never worn a deer sweater….but my father and brother were hunters and I have horrifying dead animal stories too. I wish I could comment on every chapter and how much I loved each one. Thanks for an amazing book!

  1594. I would love the paper version because books smell good!

  1596. Already bought your book but just had to say I LOVE LOVE LOVE this cover!!! 🙂 Oh and if your GPS Robot ever gets made I soooo need that one! 🙂 he he he

  1600. Oh mi gosh that cover. I love that. It’s full to the brim with FANTASTICAL WHIMZY. And OH MY GOSH SINGIN’ IN THE AUDIO BOOK IF ONLY I COULD AFFORD THAT. Oh my gosh. If I got chosen for either of them, I think my existence would give out because that would be made of SO MUCH AMAZING I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT WITHOUT BEING SUPER RIDICULOUS. LIKE FLAMING BADGERS RIDING BICYCLES OF MAGIC DUST OVER RAINBOWS OF HARDCORE DEATHMETAL ROCK AND ROLL WHILE THE SUN IS SETTING AND FIREWORKS ARE GOING OFF IN THE BACK GROUND RIDICULOUS.

    Oh wait. That kind of ridiculousness what this place if for. Silly me. BUT STILL.

  1602. Honestly, I don’t care because I’ve already got you’re book that I impulsively bought off the shelf two weeks ago without ever hearing of it before. I’m merely putting this message here because I couldn’t find anywhere else I could post that you’re my new best friend although we’ve never met and your book is my favorite and I’ve never before related to a book, movie or bible verse like relate to this. It’s radical. You ma’am speak to my jittery,hypo-hypochondriac and mostly nervous laughing heart.

    Thanks for being so true.

  1603. Audio!! I already read the paperback and I cant’ wait to hear the bloopers!

  1605. Hmmm…. I love, love, love that cover – but I have the book, so AUDIO wins. Especially since it has EXTRAS.

  1608. Just wanted to tell you how much I LOVED your book – and I have a first edition with a signed book plate! Best wishes on the book tour – thanks for making me laugh out loud, and often!

  1611. What a decision! I LOVE that cover SO stinkin’ much. The audiobook comes with extras, and the DH is more of a book listener than reader these days. I keep telling him he NEEDS to read your blog, and how it’s all full of awesomeness and taxidermy and all, but he remains unmoved. If I had the audio version of your book, I could load it onto his MP3 player and just delete all the other crap on there and when he came home that day he would be SO grateful! Audio it is, then!

  1612. I would absolutely love the audiobook for the extras. I want to share your writing with as many people as I can and having you in audio format would make the drive to my day job much more entertaining. 🙂

  1616. From one Texas girl to the next … AUDIO!!! i bought the US paper and it ROCKS!!!! been reading it to random people and leave them in stitches (now you favorite fan, but not like the crazy stalker kind)

  1617. I love the purty UK cover! I saw your book mentioned in this month’s issue of Texas Monthly at the Austin TX library and inquired about it: 11 copies have a waiting list until FOREVER. I’m so excited your book prompted me to rediscover your blog! 🙂

    I’d squeal like a pig if I won a copy – I’m a poor Texas child.

  1621. I would love a paper copy…your book is amazing and I loved reading it!

  1624. I would lurve the audio version. I am planning a super-fantastic cross-country road trip, and I wanna hear your beautiful voice as I travel.

  1625. I want both! But that’s so greedy…so the paper copy would please me. And I’ve never been to the UK so it would be like a vacation too, right?

  1626. Paper..no, audio..no, paper…no ,audio…okay, if I have to really choose…audio/paper. NO, I mean paper/audio.

    Paper please.

  1627. Audio please, can listen on Tube and terrify fellow commuters with my hysterical laughter. Also, please bring your book tour to the UK so I can come and worship you in person.

  1628. I’d love either, but gotta go with the paper version in case I get lost in the woods and need to light a fire to stay alive. Naw, not really. I actually already own a copy of the US version, but I’d love the win the UK version of the book to give to my mostly-deaf sister. True story. The audio book would be lost on her. She’d be all, “Stanley the magical, talking epidural? She had to hurl? What IS this shit?!”

  1630. Taxidermy: a haiku

    frozen rodents here
    lying all over the place
    did Jenny stop by?

    The Glorious Boar: a haiku

    kinder than a saint
    the glorious boar called james
    is flirting with me

  1631. oh, paper paper, please.
    Congratulations!
    you are truly so wonderfully funny.

  1633. Paper version 🙂
    And congratulations, again and again. You deserve it, every inch of it, every mile.

  1635. I bought the audio book and finished it in two days. I’m pretty sure I miscounted the petty cash at work because I couldn’t stop listening to your book when counting. I would love love LOVE to get the actual book though! Side note: I found myself having a conversation about my mother’s self-drying vagina with my boyfriend the other day and thought of you. In context that was it much less weird than it sounds.

  1636. I’ll throw my hat in too….paper version…fingers crossed.

  1637. I met you in Florida yesterday!!! YAY! It made my whole year! I want a copy of the UK paper version because after hearing your reading, I am buying the audiobook TODAY!!!!!!!!

  1638. Paper version please; I prefer my trees pulped and served up in very thin layers. Even better when they have funny stuff written on them.

  1639. Have bookplate, require book. Considered putting it on my kindle but that’s not forever.

  1641. Audio!

    I need to give my husband a slap for not getting my (very obvious) hints for your book for my birthday. I left detailed instructions on how to buy it online but nope he forgot. Now I have to go out and get it for myself LOL

  1643. I would take either but can only imagine how hysterical the audio version is!!! I can relate to you on so many levels!

  1644. I’m going through a really rough time right now.
    Major depression, anxiety, adhd, a possible divorce, and virtually homeless if it wasn’t for friends.
    This just might help me to laugh which I haven’t been able to do much of lately.
    Thank you for being so generous!

  1646. Hi! Paper version please.
    I have no witty comments or awesome sobs stories to try to make you pick me. (I’m not bragging.)
    (Or AM I?)
    (I know. I guess this counts as a witty comment now.) D:
    Um. Paper version please? 😀
    Iamatyourmercy. -.-

  1651. Dear Bloggess,

    This hasn’t got anything to do with your post really, though if you decide you want to send me a paper copy of your book, I would be more then delighted. I love your sense of humor, and wish I had room for more taxidermy wildlife, myself.

    What I’m actually writing about is this: I have been having Chantix dreams while quitting smoking. Chantix causes very odd, vivid dreams. And last night, I dreamed that my boyfriend and I got to meet you (I am not clear on where, it was some combination of a Goodwill store, a diner and a posh hotel — you know how dreams are), but in any case, we got along really well, talking about taxidermy weasels, endangered ferrets and stuff. Like you do. And then, we were in a studio, and you and some other folk were doing this podcast, and you were really nice and asked me to read The Rules (of the podcast) for everyone. Except, since it was a dream, of course I couldn’t actually read the paper, and the format, font size and everything kept changing and I started to cry because I was letting you down but my boyfriend put his arm around me to comfort me and you were super nice about it and said it didn’t matter anyway and kept asking me to stop crying, but I was still all weepy because suddenly the sheet of paper with The Rules was gone and I had a lap full of those coupon sheets you get in the mail.

    I just thought you should know all this, and that you were really nice to me in my prescription-instigated dream, and I know it’s weird when someone tells you you were in their dream — it’s somehow kind of wierd and like they stole you or violated your You Copyright, but it really wasn’t at all creepy and until the crying part, we were having a really good time.

  1655. OK, I’ve already put in a entry-to-the-drawing-comment, so this is just because I have scrolled through 3643 comments looking to see if you had posted a response (nope, not yet) and whether, in fact, I have won the mental bet I have going in my head that your first thought when seeing the ginormous number of responses is “Holyshit, y’all.”

  1656. oh, I hope I win the audio version! I think I’d listen to it daily!

  1659. Although I love the cover on this book…I think hearing you read the book would be soooo much better…So I would like the Audio Book please.

  1665. I only recently discovered your blog and am so glad I did. Audio book please.

  1667. Okay, I would LOVE a paper version and here’s why: I preordered the Amazon version and was ECSTATIC when it arrived. I have been saving it to read for when I’m finished with Good Omens (I have been trying to read it for about 3 years and I can’t renew it from the library anymore). Well, my nephew came over last weekend to play videogames with my boymate and they managed to spill soda all over my book. boo. So, I need another. seriously.

  1668. Paper please. Pick me, pick me! I know these other people THINK they love your book as much as I do. But they are totally wrong. Totally.

  1669. I am reading your book on my kindle and LOVE YOUR BOOK. You will certainly never come to my city, Anchorage, so I will gratefully accept a copy of your audiobook so that I can hear you singing the chapter titles.

  1670. I would love the audio version. I LOVED the book. Woke my husband up laughing it was so funny. My odd-ball family seems strangely normal now! Wish you would come to Mississippi…course we have only like 2 book stores in the whole darn state so odds are against it!

  1671. I would love the audio book! Reasons I deserve it more than anyone else:
    1. I have an hour and a half commute daily.
    2. I set the alarm off at your Dallas book signing.
    3. I received an invisible book plate.

    (I’m pretty sure that the lady who went into labor from reading your book probably actually deserves it more than me, so I’m ok if she gets it).

  1672. I would love to have the UK version of your book. Thank you for sharing your wonderful humor!

  1673. I would love the audio book. Here is why you should give it to me, as well as why you should visit me if in the San Francisco area. (I am not a stalker.) I am from the South and say y’all alot too. My dad is from Texas and has a website for being a Huntmaster. I became vegetarian at age 11 and was tragic enough to wear vegan Birkenstocks, to a Cure concert no less. (14 years later I realized meat could be delicious.) I have a taxidermy squirrel named Agatha Christie who wears seasonal outfits and likes to write too. I make good cocktails. Funny but you have helped me embrace my own fucked up past that I didn’t think anyone else shared.

  1674. Of course the PAPER version – love love LOVE your blog. Thanks for writing!

  1675. Paper, please. I read your first Beyonce blog to my friends at a Sunday breakfast and we became loyal fans. Now we need to read the book aloud!

  1677. If the audio book has you reading it, that would just rock. Otherwise either would be awesome. My boyfriend is reading your book now – he is laughing a lot.

  1678. I love the cover on the UK version, but I would really like to have the audio version to listen to in the car.

  1681. As an international (Denmark) follow’er, I would loooove to win the paper version :0)
    It would be a welcoming break to the humdrum of my everyday life.

  1682. Wow – the pressure. Like at the supermarket in years past – paper or plastic. I say Audio! And vainly hope that it’s somehow a better choice for the environment…

  1687. Would love a copy of the audiobook! (Sorry if there is a double post by me, don’t know where the other one ended up!)

  1688. Paper please. Thank you for always making me laugh! What a wonderful gift that is!

  1691. Woohoo! I just found out my parents bought me your book on their America trip. Can’t wait to read it. I still want the audio book as well though, because even though I don’t usually care for audio books, hearing you read it would be too awesome to resist.

  1692. Paper version with a lot of extra “u”s. I’ll feel classy and European while reading it.

  1693. There is something to be said about having a book in your hand; however, I would totally love the audio book to hear you regale the listener with your mostly-true memories. I think that would be swell. 🙂

  1697. Audio! I’ve already read the book, but I wanna know if the voice in my head I hear when I read it sounds the same as you’re voice! : )

  1699. I would love the paper version! I missed you when you where in Dallas, due to a school function. You rock!

  1700. Oh god, so many comments. But… paper, please, if I emerge from the hat.

  1701. I’d LOVE my own copy of the UK version! I’m really excited to read it and haven’t gotten the copy for work yet–it’s on its way though!! But I want my own…

  1702. I worship you in a disturbingly stalky way. Never stabby, though. I have clinical depression, amond other less glamorous disorders, and your book made me LTFOL. My husband had never heard me laugh the fuck out loud so many times, and was quite jealous. He is the one who feels stabby toward you , but he’s a pacifist, so we’re good. Sweet fried jesus on a stick, you are like christmas wrapped in caramel. Can I subscibe to this blog, or do I have to bookmark it and remember that I bookmarked it? I hope I can subscribe, because remembering important things is not my strong point.

  1704. Audio, please, just so I can have something to listen to while on my road trip to Omaha. Thanks!

  1705. I believe I am worthy of the paper version, as I keep trying to paste pages of your book on my wall so I remember your awesomeness, but I have a Kindle. Also, I may die of something soon, and I already left the paper copy you sent me to my best friend in my will. No pressure.

  1707. SO WANT the paper version. Of course, I’m probably not going to win, so I’m buying it on Kindle tomorrow.

  1711. I have a friend would surely lend me her hardcover if I paid the ransom with an audio copy. Signed too?! She would lose it right then and there and owe me for LiFe!

  1712. I would gladly take a paperback copy…or a magical squirrel puppet…

  1713. I’d love the paper version. Man….I’ve never spent that much time scrolling down a webpage to leave a comment; also, you’re the only blogger that I read at all so I guess I don’t have many reasons to do so.
    I love the US version so far; I wish I had more time to read…and that I was a faster reader but alas, I’m pacing myself. 🙂

    I laugh HARDILY every step of the way so thank you!
    Melissa

  1716. Paper,,, omg how DO you pick… ? i never win though, so i won’t hold my breath and die or anything, no guilt… lol. jk 😉

  1717. audio, pleeeease. can’t believe i read about your book a DAY AFTER you were at the wondermous books & books in my hometown. wah wah.

  1719. OMG! I would love for you to read the book to me! Audio book!

  1721. My anxiety about making the wrong decision and irrational guilt over asking for things prevents me from picking paper vs audio or asking you to pick me.

    But best of luck picking a winner! I love your blog and I’m happy to see your book is selling so well.

  1723. oooh – I’d love to win the paper copy. I’ve really been enjoying your blog!

  1724. Well, that was a shit-ton of comments to scroll through. I was on a long road trip to see a parishioner who had a double organ transplant (I’m an Episcopal priest) and listened to the book the whole damned drive. I gotta know something. Was that HR department in the faith-based organization in Houston (I’m from Houston) with a Bishop….yeah, was that St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital System? I don’t think St. Joseph’s has different locations. Anyway, if it was then that’s a hoot.

  1725. love the cover & I really hope I win! paper would be awesome, but I’d take the audio too – I’d love to hear you read it 🙂

  1726. Oooh, I wish I could pick!

    But you know, my birthday is May 27th, and I can think of nothing more awesome to ask my boyfriend for than a copy of your book in print, so maybe the audiobook version, because I’d love to hear you singing! That would be THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!

    It will be, anyway, though, when I get your book. <3 I can't wait!

  1729. First!!

    Lol.
    I have trouble hearing, so unless the ultra-shiny, super spectacular audio version comes with subtitles, I’d prefer the extra-fancy pretty book version of your, uh, book.

    Best of luck on your tour! Here’s hoping you find yourself in Illinois at some point 🙂

  1736. I want the audio because bloopers are the best – and because I have a better chance of winning. Nobody has CD players these days. Including me. But if you give me that book on audio I will Effin find one! Not sure why auto-correct is capitalizing Effin. Also – you like me because you repinned something of mine on Pinterest. Or maybe I repinned you. I don’t know – that thing still confuses me.

  1737. As lovely as the sound of your voice would be in my headphones I would adore a paper copy ;).

  1740. I only would accept a paper copy of the British version if you sign the book with unnecessary “e” ‘s at the end of words and random word lengthening “u” ‘s inserted where they don’t belong. Oh, and try to through in a “to my mind” somewhere.

    Thanks.

  1741. Pick me, pick me! I would love to hear you SING and to hear your voice actually read to me while I do crap around the house and drive around town. That would be heaven. And then I could replay you over and over again, ( i.e. on the “real” dvd player, as opposed to in my head and “not real”).

  1743. I just finished the book and was dying for more so audio FTW!!! Oh and you really need to come to Changing Hands Bookstore in Tempe, AZ, if you get the chance!:)

  1749. I would *love* the paper version. So much! And also bring it to Sweden with me this summer, because why shouldn’t Sweden be a funnier place?

  1750. Jenny, I’m here in the UK and have just received your book. Thank-you for writing something so wonderful. x

  1751. The paper version would be wonderful. I’ve had the most awful year and i’ve never won anything in my whole life so this would really mean a lot to me.
    Keep being amazing! You’re such an inspiration to me! xxx

  1754. I’m totally buzzing, the uk version comes out just in time for me to buy it for my holiday on the 14th 🙂 guess that means if I was to win I’d want to win the audio book as I’ll already own the paper copy

  1757. I would love the audio book! I would also love you to keep coming north! Anywhere in New England would be great! 🙂

  1760. I would LOVE the audio book, so I can take you with me where ever I go, and NOT get dirty looks from other drivers for reading at 70mph.

  1761. Love, love the UK cover. Could be one of the best fonts ever (what is that font called anyway? Goth Taxidermy?)

  1763. I would love the paper version! I had planned to buy your book but ended up in the hospital with emergency surgeries and now I can’t buy a damn thing, been out of work recovering for a month now *sigh* laaaaaame..though ..I mean..they saved my life but still, fucking lame. Also, thank you for your blog. It’s the only thing that made me smile or laugh (which was insanely painful so thanks a lot jerk!) while I was in the hospital.

  1765. What if we don’t care about what form it comes in? Because either one is equally amazing. 🙂

    So my vote is….surprise me! bahah

    and that UK version looks super spifftacular. why on earth is America so plain?

  1766. I absolutely love that UK cover! That tree font is awesome, unless it’s one of those rape-y trees like in Evil Dead. Maybe you should have a disclaimer about that. Like: “This font may remind you of the rape tree in Evil Dead, but even if it WAS the rape tree (and we admit nothing) – it’s now been destroyed it to make these books. Which
    was pretty bad ass of us. You’re welcome.”

  1769. I would cry (hopefully with laughter AND Excitement) if I could get the paper copy! (And every other copy in existence!)

    I’d make a fort out them all…and then no doubt someone would knock on my door mid-fort-shrine and they’d come in and I’d have to pretend it never happened.
    x

  1772. Totally don’t care, just SO EXCITED you’re coming to Gaithersburg. I will be there!

  1774. if you’re still doing this, i would love the book because a) you are awesome and this would keep me from having to talk to the creepy guy at our bookstore in town, b) i am an anglophile and a uk edition would make me all kinds of happy, and c) you’re not coming to north carolina so i don’t get to tell you in person how awesome you are and how you’re my hero. 🙂

  1775. I want the audio version, not because I listen to audio books (I don’t), but because I want to paint a caricature of you onto the bottom of a wine bottle. Then I’m going to set it across the table from me, while playing the audio book, and pretend we’re best friends. You’ll say witty shit, I’ll hit “pause” (which I can’t do with Real Life friends… assuming I’d put up with any*) and say witty shit back to you, then before I hit “play” I’ll ask you to get off your lazy ass and go get me some more wine. You won’t answer, of course, because you’re just a caricature on a wine bottle, but that’s okay, because my Real Life friends (assuming I’d put up with any) are too fucking lazy to get up and refill my wine glass, too*. So I’d get up and get my own refill. Again.

    After repeating this throughout the duration of your audio book, I’d finally hit “Stop” — which would mean both stopping the audio book and the wine — I’d put you away on a shelf (you, the wine bottle version, as well as you the audio book BFF version) — and pass out go to bed. Then, come the following Friday, I’d pull you off the shelf and we’d do it again. Best part? Since I’d had so much wine the first time, I wouldn’t remember having done this before, so every time we hung out it’d be like the first time hanging out.

    Yeah, it’s kinda like Alzheimers, but with wine-flavored burps. Yum!

    * I ask you, would YOU put up with people who don’t shut up long enough for you to get a word in edgewise, or refill your wine? I think not. So, yeah, don’t judge.

  1777. Audio book, please, so I can listen to your voice all day!

  1780. ahem.
    i’m not sure how i lived this long without knowing that this blog existed.
    clearly, i do not get out much.

    love would be understatement.
    paper version, please?

    awesomesauce.

  1781. I love that cover – but since I already have the paper version, I’d LOVE the audio book.

    Thanks for a chance to win.

  1788. Audio, me thinks. I have the paper version (already read it and LOVED it) so the audio version calls to me.

  1791. i would love hard copy. that way i won’t have to save up my pennies.

  1792. Paperback version (sung to the tune of paperback writer). Please. And thank you

  1793. Free stuff, fuck yeah! You know, I’ve been picking up odd and end jobs lately so I could afford to buy everyone I know a copy of your book instead of paying my bills. My anxiety-ridden brain functions like yours (thank God I’m not alone), I find it easier to just hand out the book instead of trying to convince people I’m normal.

  1795. Here’s hoping you have a nice voice because there’s nothing worse when you listen to an audiobook with a narrator who has an annoying one. And when you add singing to that….

  1796. I would totally love the audio version. I am just finishing your book and, Wow, you are a very weird lady. In the very best way.

  1797. How about throwing the audio book my way? I’d love to listen to it while I’m at work, stuck in my cubicle. A hard copy would be great, but it’s tough to read it while hiding it under my desk. I could do it. I’m a nerdy ninja like that. But, if I were caught reading at work, I could be fired, and let’s face it, they need me because I keep my company afloat. Ok, I don’t really. Lowly peon. But your words are the anchor to my sanity when work drives me crazy. And the fluorescent lights. They tell me to do naughty things. Like to not do work.

  1798. Over 3700 comments and I’m supposed to compete with that? Plus I’m almost a week behind…
    Paper please. I’m a seer/toucher
    xo

  1799. Hmmmm… What a hard decision! I’d love to hear you tell it like it is, but the cover of the book is fantastic… and I love the feeling of a book in my hands… Hmm.. I guess I’ll go with the book. Or the audio. Damn! Surprise me!

  1800. Paper! I have the e-version . . . but I do need a shelf copy display . . .

  1804. I would love a paper copy, that way all the peep’s that need a dose of you could borrow that one and I could keep my collector first edition where I could muse and browse whenever needed. You are one amazing person! ( I do understand that I am depriving you of sales but believe in my heart that the welfare of the needy is more important than base riches ) ( besides they will become your fans and future sales are guaranteed! )

  1805. PAPER VERSION! The UK font is so great! It would look fantastic on my bookshelf.

  1810. I have the paper version, which I’m in love with. Like in love with in that I deprive myself of sleep just to read it and I swear it’s like you know me and get my weirdness because you have the weirdness too! This is why I love you more than pie.

    So since I already have the paper version, let’s go with the audiobook because I love that you sing the titles. It totally sounds like something I would do. I so wish you were coming closer to me on the book tour, but since you aren’t I’ll make due with the book and hopefully the audio book too!

  1811. Ohh! Audio Version please! Already read the book, awesome btw, but would love to hear the outtakes and more!

  1815. Paper please, though I have bought it on kindle (can I add here, the first and only book I ever actually paid for, not a free one, sigh!)….. Would consider myself highly honoured as us measly Brits can’t get ours signed any other way…. Unless you want to sign my kindle????

  1819. I’d love the audio version! I read the paper version while on vacation last week and it made me want to give you a hug when I was done reading. You are so sincere and honest.

  1821. As whimsical and wonderful as the paper version is, I just bought the e-version and I would love to hear your rendition, so audio it is! (I also realize I’m 5 days behind on this , but I’m always late to the party, so what else is new?)

  1822. I would love the audio version up here in Canada! I am reading the paper version for the second time right now!

  1825. I would like the audio version mostly because I would hear it more the way it was intended with the correct inflections.

  1826. Do you have to be from the UK to win? I love the cover of the UK version better. On the other hand, I want the audio version, because I want to hear you read it. If I don’t win one I’ll have to buy both and I can’t really afford that.

  1831. Audiobook, please! But I’ll take paper too! I turn 30 in 12 days and need something to comfort me! 🙂

  1832. Your blog post about “Emotion Body Milk” was the funniest thing I’ve ever read. Well, aside from the story in your book about you & your sister not picking up your dad from the nursing home as payback for not going to the movies (“Wasn’t it great when you thought we were coming?”) My hairdresser thought I was upset with her dye job because I had tears rolling down my face and my shoulders were shaking – I tried to read that chapter out loud to her but I kept breaking up and laughing harder…. Finally she gave up and put me under the dryer hood with a conditioner mask to calm down.

    I’m dying for a paper UK version! Love your writing!

  1833. Just finished reading the book. It was perfect. Completely perfect.

    So, my vote is for audio. And I’m one of 3,000. However, luck has been kind to me of late, so I hold out hope ;-).

  1836. Good old-fashioned, hold in your hand and savour, paper version please!

  1838. I would love either! I like books but I want to hear you sing too.

  1843. You’re coming to Gaithersburg? That’s close to me! The blog gods have heard my prayer! Please excuse me while I pee my pants.
    Audio please. I need to hear the singing and bloopers.

  1844. Audio, please!! The blooper part will probably kill me, but it’ll totally be worth it.

  1847. While reading your book I laughed out loud so much my wife kept asking me what was so funny…I told her she had to read the book to find out. Well done you!

  1849. Dang, I missed the giveaway. Good thing I asked for your book for Mother’s Day. I better get it! Although now I’m wishing I had asked for the audio version JUST so I could hear you sing the chapter titles. Thanks for making me laugh so hard that I cry (if that happens just from your blog I can’t wait to see what happens when I read your book).

  1850. Oh, definitely the paper version! It’s so much easier to find the right page than the right spot in an audio when you’re trying to desperately prove to someone that you’re NOT CRAZY, THE BLOGGESS SAID IT!!!! NO REALLY, IT’S TRUE, I’LL SHOW YOU!!!!
    ……if you know what I mean?

  1851. Would love a paper copy. Sadly, my local library doesn’t have it…. yet!

  1853. Dear Jenny,
    I’m a little upset. I live in Columbus, OH and mid last week my husband and I went to a wedding in Ijamsville, MD (that’s a real place, I promise. It’s near Frederick). About halfway there we stopped and bought your book so I could read it aloud in the car. This is what we do on long car rides. It was difficult because your book is so funny I kept having to stop until I was done giggle-snorting. When we got to the ex-lax I started crying from laughter.
    Then just now I learned that while we were in MD you were in Cincinnati. Not cool, Jenny. Not cool. AND, in 5 days you’ll be in Gaithersburg which is even closer to Frederick than Cinci is to Columbus?! Sigh. This makes me so sad.
    PLEASE, PLEASE come to Columbus!!! or at least Cleveland. I would totally drive to Cleveland to see you.
    xoxo,
    Molly
    P.S. At the wedding the bride put out boxes by the dance floor filled with plastic neon sunglasses, plastic neon gangster hats, feather boas, flip flops, and leis. How cool is that?

  1855. It’s too late isn’t it??? I knew it, and I just found your site!!! Dang it, I really wanted a paper copy of your book to keep me happy while I sit at work twiddling my thumbs waiting on people to make me run copies for them!!!!! I so hope you have one signed copy left for me!!!!!!! It would be amazing and then I could brighten everyone’s day with my laughter as I am reading it 🙂

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