Thank you. Seriously.

This isn’t a real post.  It’s a thank you.

Thank you because for the third week in a row Let’s Pretend This Never Happened is on the NYT list.  Thank you because today is the premiere of my book in the UK.  Thank you for making the tour so successful that they’ve added another leg (or two) of the tour.  I still don’t know how this happened, but I do know who to thank.

Thank you.

Leg two of the Let's Pretend This Never Happened Tour

Click on the links for all the gory details:

May 16th ~ 7pm : Atlanta, Georgia

May 17th ~ 7pm : Concord, North Carolina

May 19th ~ 4:40pm : Gaithersburg Book Festival

May 20th ~ 2pm : Annapolis, Maryland

Will you come?  Pretty please?

PS.  This is where I’d put something funny and clever but I’m not funny because I have tonsillitis, sinusitis, bronchitis and Ancient-King-Midas.

PPS.  That’s sick humor.  It doesn’t translate well.  I apologize.

481 thoughts on “Thank you. Seriously.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. And thank you for being you and also for picking me to win your book. I just might have to make a trip to your NC signing.

  2. Congratulations! I am not able to go to any of your stops, but I cheer you on from my home!

  3. Wow…I hope you feel better soon!! Congrats! I’ve just begun reading your book & it is hilarious! I think you should add Phoenix to your tour…just sayin.

  4. Oh, please come to Boston! I know you have fans here and I would love to hear you speak. And the accent? C’mon, listening to real Bostonians on the T (i.e. subway) is worth the trip alone.

  5. I think Ancient-King-Midas! Except everything I touch does NOT turn to gold….
    Conga-rats on the Tour! You deserve it!

  6. Oh hells yes – Finally some Chicago lovin! I will have to hunt for some Mosefoy worthy taxidermy around here…

  7. Sorry you’re feeling icky…hope you feel better soon…..

    Can’t wait to meet you, now in NJ probably…since that will be closer than MD and I’m kinda lazy when it comes to driving long distances… 🙂

  8. I keep hoping you’ll come to my neck of the woods, but alas, I guess it was never meant to be…

  9. I keep looking and St. Louis is never on there. I’d buy 5 copies of your book if you would just come to The Lou!!!
    Is that bribery enough???

  10. Can I lure you to Chicago with the offer of a taxidermied puffer fish with googly eyes? The eyes are fake, but the fish is real.

  11. We want to see you on the west coast again!! Oregon to be exact. I’d drive anywhere in the state for a signing because you’re awesome!

  12. Oh, Gaithersburg…I’m so up in you!

    I’ll be bringing a gift… No you shouldn’t be afraid… You should be all “I can’t wait for Gaithersburg”… Just like I am…

    WG

  13. Ugh it would be amazing to see you in Cincinnati, I still need to read your book, but I wanna because I know it’s awesome 😀

  14. I’ll be there to get my copy signed in Atlanta!! Huzzah! Hope you feel better soon…

  15. Ok, I am cruel fan to ask this of you when you’re suffering from so many itises (yeah…that’s not a word, and if it is, damned if I know what it means) BUT please come to Toronto. It’s all the excitement of going to another country without having to go very far at all. PLEEEAAAAASSSEE!

    Even if you ignore my desperate please, you are so totally welcome. Your amazingness is the antidote for shittiness on the internet. Good for you, lady!

  16. I will eat fish and chips while looking at a photo of you.

    Also, can Heather Barmore and I just have you come to Upstate NY for a very mellow reading. We’ll cure you of any lingering itises. I take that back, you’d probably leave with one, but it’d be cool and make you carry the spirit of hicks, lumberjacks and the generally underestimated but-cooler-than-shit and capable of more than you think people who live ’round here.

  17. Yay Chicago! I will definitely see you there! Unless your tour date is the one weekend I’m out of town…then I’ll just cry 🙁

  18. Nuts! Concord’s only 2.5 hours away, but a five hour road-trip the night before I have to leave for the coast (for a wedding)… I need to find somebody else who loves you here to carpool with. Anyone from the Triangle who wants to split driving/gas? I have a car (it’s a manual), what could go wrong? 🙂

  19. Ah, New Jersey, excellent! I did not get to come up to the first NY signing, so perhaps I’ll be able to make this one! Fabulous! 🙂

  20. If I say that I will see you on leg three and that I will be there with bells on…will you actually be expecting me to wear bells? See you in Chicago!!

  21. For the love that is good and worth your time… can you PLEASE come to CANADA! Toronto is only 90 minutes from me and I would very much like to see you in person!!! Please??

  22. All signs point to seeing you at the Gaithersburg Book Festival. Hubby and daughters are coming too (though I have the feeling that they’re going to wonder off and leave me in the vast crowds rushing to meet you)! If you handle the crowd, so can I!

    Feel better! I heard whiskey, straight with a bourbon chaser is great for whatever ails you!

  23. I am beyond excited that you’re going to New York again. I’ll have to plan a trip there that day. I absolutely refuse to miss you again!
    But Rhode Island and Connecticut are often ignored locations and I’m sure they would both make excellent tour stops.
    Just a thought. 🙂

  24. My 6 year old saw the picture above and said “That’s George Washington.” HAHAHAHAHA! Kinda.. She is taking the nation by storm, it appears. 😉

  25. Please come to Denver! Read your book on my flights this week and I am pretty sure the strangers next to me thought I was crazy because I was laughing so hard!

  26. GAH! I need to request time off and make a roadtrip to Atlanta! ORRRRRRRR you could get them to send you to Jacksonville, FL. That would be pretty sweet.

    I’ll cook dinner!

  27. I’m not sure which side of the “boob signing fence” you ended up on (wouldn’t that be an awesome fence?), but if you come to Calgary (Canada), I’d totally sign your boob.

  28. Go West, young lady!
    To Denver.
    (Take your time. It must be exhausting to be traveling and keeping your face on all the time!)

  29. Feel better rightquick!
    I just finished your chapter on needing an old priest and a young one…thanks for reminding me why I don’t live in the country.

  30. You’ll see me at one or both of the MD dates since that may be the closest you get to DC.
    It’s gonna be a PARTY!

  31. AND….you know what’s RIGHT next to Chicago?? IOWA! (I bet you were going to say “Lake Michigan,” and while that would have technically been correct, it was not as relevant.) Come visit the children of the corn…you know you want to. 🙂

    Hope you feel better soon! I’ve found that bloody mary’s (maries? what’s that in plural?) and fresh ginger do wonders for sinus garbage.

  32. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I can’t believe it! You are coming to a place near me on May 19 and I can’t go! I have planned a homeschool conference for that day, so I can’t skip, though I am quite tempted! UGH!!! Please know that as many people show up, there will be another one very sad she missed you. So glad your tour is expanding though. Very happy for you!! Rock on Jenny!!

  33. Please come to the Philadelphia region. We have several zoos and science museum’s.

  34. “I have tonsillitis, sinusitis, bronchitis and Ancient-King-Midas.” ~ You realize this means that all of your phlegm and snot will turn to gold. Cha-Ching! 😉 Seriously, get well soon.

  35. Please come to Denver with the snowfall…We’ll move up into the mountains so far that we can’t be found…And throw “I love you” echoes down the canyon…And then lie awake at night till they come back around…Please come to Denver. Pretty please with Ron Weasel-y on top?

  36. Oh, sweet Jenny, get well soon!
    Also, today is Mother’s Day in Mexico, and since you are in Texas (like me), you get to celebrate too! Happy mother’s Day!!!!
    I will have a wine slushee in your honor and to your health.

  37. So, buying stock in the manufacturer of Xanax would be a good thing to do right now 😉

  38. OMG. I have six days to try to get my crazy under control enough to leave the house and get to Barnes and Noble. I will make this happen. I’ll be the redhead shaking like a leaf and probably crying. OMG.

  39. AH! You still need to make a POWELL’s bookstore stop here in Portland! I can guarantee crushing amounts of fans. And if all else fails, it will be me and my adoration for you. Which fills a room on it’s own. COME TO PORTLAND!!!!

  40. You’re welcome North Carolina. Clearly, I have found favor with the universe and my wishes have been made reality. And you’re welcome, for I have brought Jenny Lawson to our fine (though sadly very, very backward) state. I will be there on the 17th, with as many friends as I can round up, and possibly a dead chihuahua in a kilt.

  41. it’s taking me forever to read the book because i only have about 10 minutes of reading time in the morning (thanks for the short chapters!), but i’m LOVING it!
    so happy to see there will be more NY dates. Maybe I’ll get to come see you after all. YAY!

    Feel better!
    xo

  42. Gaithersburg or Nap-town. One of them will have you and I in the same place. MWAHAHAHAHA! Um, I mean . . . it will be a distinct pleasure to very un-creepily meet you. Yeah, that’s it. 😀

  43. Boston.
    NOT second Sat in June, thats Boston Pride. If it’s that day we make you march with us, by putting you on the back of a Harley with things taxidermied to toss to the crowd.

    Otherwise I will free my schedule.

    cant WAIT!
    thankyouverymuch

    p.s. and Im serious about Pride. this is my serious look : I

  44. Upstate New York is being ignored!!!! Please please please come visit us! Please?

  45. Yay! So glad you’re coming to NC! And Concord Mills is the SHIZNIT! My favorite mall EVAH! Well, it has a Sanrio store, so of course it’s gonna be my fave. I’m off work on Friday, so planning to try to scoot outta work early to beat traffic outta Greensboro and haul ass that hour and a half to see u! Can’t wait!

  46. OMG OMG! *a quick squealing lap around the house* You’re coming to BOSTON!?!!

  47. I got my book in the mail on Saturday and I am almost done with it! I have sufficiently annoyed my husband by laughing uncontrollably while reading it at home and the majority of co-workers by attempting (and failing) to laugh silently while reading it at lunch. I WILL hook my co-workers on your humor 🙂 Can you come have a book signing in Spokane? Pretty please?

  48. I was seriously upset when I finished your book. I tried, desperately, to read it slow…but it was hard.
    Honestly, what a great read. I can relate so much to your anxiety and your humor is priceless.
    My husband is pissed that I read this in bed for a few nights and kept him awake with my laughter and shaking the bed.

  49. Congratulations!! If you weren’t sick or famous and busy right now, you’d see someone stalking your blog. Someone in Texas in the Boondocks. That’d be me. But since you’re a little distracted and incapacitated I’m going to continue stalking without feeling paranoid, so thank you. (And…you’ve been an inspiration. More on that later.)

  50. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE come to Canada on your tour! We love you here and can appreciate the taxidermy humour. fyi…my in-laws are delivering my husband’s great-grandfather’s deer head to our place in a few days. I’m so stoked! Gonna decorate it with some big fancy sunglasses for the summer-time. He’ll be livin’ it up in style.

  51. I wish you’d come to Canada. I keep book talking your book to everyone in bookstores here (including the employees). Yes, I read aloud parts. Essentially, I stage book readings of *your* book because it’s so freaking funny. And because I grew up on a farm and attempted to raise baby skunks because my dad had shot their mother.

  52. Oh, why not. I’m taking Thursday afternoon off and driving down to Concord. Probably be my only chance to say hi in person. 🙂

    Also, I’m pretty sure some of the Death By Puppets folks will be at the Atlanta event. Possibly with puppets.

  53. Bought you’re book a few days ago and read it in under 2 days. HILARIOUS. Please come to Canada so I can gush to you in person! WE LOVE YOU UP HERE TOO

  54. Alright you are coming to MD, NY and NJ. What do you have against Pennsylvania? Please come so I can visit and be embarrassingly fangirlish about having you sign my book.

  55. I see only two words: JUNE CHICAGO JUNE CHICAGO JUNE CHICAGO!!!! I am going out of my mind with excitement!!!!

  56. OMG! Im with jane! CHICAGO IS HAPPENING!! Its all my dreams come true!! I cant believe it!!

  57. I blog a lot about relationships. Mine, to be specific. My often-disfunctional ones, to be more specific. Sort of like a Carrie Bradshaw, but in the wilderness, not the city.

    I LOVE your writing. I read your blog religiously and am halfway through your memoir. I am inspired by your not-always-tidy life, and your humorous style of writing about all of it.

    I want to know more about your and Victor! I wonder what he thinks about your fame, your writing, and your endless mentions of him. Does he worry that any of your conversations might end up on this blog? Does he get excited about it? Has he ever thought of writing a blog of his own?

  58. Please add Denver to your tours….. I finished the book and laughed on almost every page!!

  59. Reasons to come to South Dakota:
    1. Mount Rushmore
    2. Crazy Horse
    2. Wall Drug
    3. Corn Palace
    4. Black Hills
    5. DeSmet, SD AKA the Little Town on the Prairie

    All that PLUS…South Dakotan readers love your book! Seriously if you get within 300 miles of Pierre, the State Library staff will be road tripping.

  60. I absolutely and completely second Denver! We’re so cool we don’t realize we’re cool (and that’s cool here).

  61. Loved your book! Please come to the west coast! Seattle to be exact!

  62. I can’t believe I’m going to miss you in Atlanta – I’ll be in Canada of all places. Boo 🙁

  63. Yay for more legs!

    Soon you’ll be an octopus!

    But you need to come to Seattle!

  64. Very cool! Congratulations!! Nice to see such a wonderful success story happen to a really genuine, talented and appreciative person. May you have many more legs – a veritable centipede of the book tour! 😉

  65. If you come to Chicago, please, please, please swing through Des Moines or Omaha…

  66. Mmm.. Chicago is the closest to Canada I think you are going to get…. may have to make a trip down… 😉

  67. Here’s a bribe for you: I recently acquired a died-from-natural-causes mouse who I am pretty sure is one Hogwarts robe away from being Draco Mousefoy. Okay, “acquired” is a strong term and “natural causes” is a bit of a stretch. My a/c man pulled him off the motor. Yanno what, never mind. I don’t have taxidermy for you. But come to St Louis anyway please! It’s not that far from Chicago. Or I guess I could just road trip up there… let’s pretend this comment never happened.

  68. i will come see you in chicago….just need to know when! and also, feel better soooooon! cause i don’t want to catch all that stuff when i meet you in chi-town. 😉

  69. I’m grieving having finished the book today. No more funnies. Also wondering what it will take to get you to England. Not the weather, that’s for sure. and all that talk of green open space? Bullshit. But we do have the NHS, which means free pills!

  70. YAY chicago!!!! i’m going to bet anderson’s bookstore, probably in naperville. downers grove would be even better ’cause then i could walk there. but there’s WAY more room in the naperville store.

    i hope you’re feeling better! see you soon!!!!!! yay!

  71. Unfortunately, I cannot make it across the country… Starving college student and all. If you wanted to come to Seattle, however…. 😉

  72. Please come to Vancouver!!! Its beautiful and we love you here!!

  73. Woo Hoo you are coming to Chicago!! I may have to take the day off work. I’ll be at your signing in Chicago. BTW, this will be the first I’ve ever went and stood in line for an author’s signature…..

  74. Dangit! How come you’re in NC when I’m gone? I want to get my book signed.

    Now we’re in a fight.

  75. Congratulations on all the well deserved success! I will add to the chorus of voices saying Toronto would love to see you. 🙂 I know your book is being promoted here, I have seen it face out in the “new and notable” section of two separate book stores!

  76. Any chance for a leg four that could include Portland, OR? We love you out here!!! I’m so happy your book is doing so well.

  77. Hi! Congratz!!!!!!!!

    And… YEAH LADY. Who do we need to blow to get you here to Seattle? I mean, I thought Seattle would be an obvious stop for a book tour. 🙁 And plus I need it. 😀 I’m 27 and currently living with my Mormon parents for ..a while…(god knows how long). And I need a break. I need bloody, squirrel-corpse-puppet stories to sooth my pain of living an overly pure life. I don’t want to be pure. I want to walk around naked in my own house and say fuck this and fuck that. But I can’t. Oh. And to top it off. My boyfriend lives with us as well. Oh! Aaaaaaaaaaand my un-medicated 4’11, 39 year old schizo-effective sister is coming to live with us in a month! I’m so excited. -.-
    Damnit. This turned into one of those millions of sob comments that I’m sure you get all the time.

    …. But its all true so I win. (If it was a contest) <–I know, that's fucked up.

    ……*-*

    I know. I l know. There are children starving in Africa…

    Have a good day 😀 Come to Seattle?
    -Beth

  78. I’m reading your book and loving it. Read the laxative chapter last night and nearly stopped breathing from laughter. My husband actually came in the bedroom too comfort me. He thought I was sobbing.
    I’m so proud of you, so excited for you, and so happy for your success!

    Please come to Salt Lake City, UT!

    P.S. If I die from laughter related causes, you may have a lawsuit on your hands.

  79. Bitch, please. OF COURSE I’LL BE AT YOUR ATLANTA SIGNING! I will be there even if the zombie apocalypse happens. While the mindless zombies try to get into said Atlanta B&N, I will be in line, awaiting my turn to have my copy of your amazing book signed. And, once that happens, you and I will feast on the brains of those left in line behind me.

    Awesome, n’est-ce pas?

  80. You’re welcome.

    PS I just finished listening to your audiobook and you sound EXACTLY like Patricia Arquette in True Romance, so I kept expecting you to talk about that time in Detroit when you were a call girl and then married Christian Slater.

  81. 4th leg to Raleigh NC please. I dont go to Charlotte area.
    besides, everyone knows Raleigh > Charlotte.

  82. We’ve never met, but I’m as proud of your success as if we’d grown up together. You inspire, amaze, and amuse me.

    Congratulations!

  83. My Worlds have collided / The Squee heard ‘Round The Firm:

    I just opened my Amazon package containing the audio can and THERE IS A BLURB FROM NEIL GAIMAN.

    I am going to have a hard time restraining myself from listening to this until I drive to MA for my Grandmother’s 100th Birthday party in June.

  84. GAH! New Jersey! Hopefully somewhere in Central/South jersey cause I would love it!!

  85. Today my copy of your book went to a friend to cheer her up from the unique hell of dealing with lice for the third time this spring. It makes a great pity gift for the less fortunate.

  86. Jenny – Minneapolis is just 1 short flight from Chicago … please consider adding us as a stop I your June tour! Love the book!

  87. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY dance. I will SO be there when you’re in Gaithersburg. I feel like I need to wear a costume. OMG! I’m going to wear a red dress. HEY! All of you going to see her in Gaithersburg we should all wear red dresses/skirts/outfits!!! It would be awesome! And we should all bring twine. I know I am! I cannot WAIT!

  88. Jenny, I’ve been trying since your book came out to find somewhere to buy it in a DEM-free electronic format. My ereader doesn’t play nice with books that are all locked up in kindle or other proprietary formats. But it’s my ereader and I love it anyway and I would never cheat on it.

    Anyway, I can’t seem to find it anywhere for sale in DRM-free pdf or epub format, or at least not anywhere that spells it out clearly enough for me to trust them that it is so. Before I gave up entirely and just resigned myself to not buying it, I figured I’d try asking you. Is there somewhere I can buy it like that?

  89. Who did your outstanding art? (The drawing of you holding a hair dryer, or, this one of you holding a spatula?)

    I want one of my very own! But, er, of me, not of you. Right.

  90. I’ve shoved my kindle in so many people’s faces and demanded that they read your book – and now they all want their own copy. Put me and my slightly confused friends down for another vote in the “Come to the UK” bracket.

  91. Your book arrived with me today in sunny Scotland via the Royal Mail!

    i have gotten nothing done today. You’re a terrible person for writing this book and getting it published.

    *does British ‘tsk tsk’ librarian face.

    If you can get a UK tour out of it you should definitely come to Glasgow. Spare bed here if ye fancy!

  92. Having Ancient-King-Midus at the same time as tonsillitus, bronchitus, and sinusitus is a blessing in disguise, really. That way you won’t be accidentally hugging your loved ones and turning them into gold. Plus you can turn all your used tissues into gold! Then you’ll be rich AND you won’t have to worry about dragging your sick self out of bed to go to the trash can. It’s kind of gross, but I mean … it’s gold now, right? No one’ll know. It’ll be like Fried Green Tomatoes, and how everyone thought the burgers tasted great even though they were made out of a dude named Frank. Except, you know, with less cannibalism.

  93. The nice thing about Seattle is that it’s between Portland and Vancouver, so you’d get folks from there as well. It’s really the perfect stop.

  94. since you arent coming to Canada, I went to the Comicon in Calgary and got Will Wheaton to sign my book instead 🙂

  95. Please come to Philadelphia! We have cheese steaks and Tastycakes and cream cheese and soft pretzels! (Can you tell I like to eat?) But if you don’t come here then I will be traveling to Jersey! Must get my book signed!

  96. Boston! Bistonbostonbidton!!! Wtf? So I’m writing this on my little frickin iPhone in the las Vegas airport. I’m semi fucking hammered from drinking a maragarita, a carona and a shot of patron in like 30 minutes whe I wait for my flight back to new Hampshire. I say Boston cause no one knows where the fuck new Hampshire is. does all this booze mux well with my depression meds? What an I taking? Not Zoloft, not the one stat starts with a c. Ummmmmm lotramin? No that’s not it. Um, it’s a good one anyway, I have awesome insurance. Who cares. Anyway, you have to come to Boston. Boston is awesome and you will totally have fun and not be freaked out at all. And I will totally come and buy another book for you to sign. I bought your book already but I have it to a friend of mine got Christmas, even tho it came out in April so it was 4 months late but that’s ok cause she is super cool. She bought me a video game that doesn’t come out for a year, so u guess my present was better cause it’s less late??? U don’t know but anyway you should none to Boston.

  97. Hope the mucus dries up soon! (And I STILL say you need to make a stop in Indianapolis!) (Hear that Mr. or Ms. PR Person? Indianapolis…it’s better than Chicago because it’s closer!)

  98. DENVER. DENVER. DENVER. The Mile-High City awaits your presence.
    (And gawd knows there are some real nut-jobs here — plenty of fodder for your sequel.)
    Hugs.

  99. Please come to Seattle and get drunk with my best friend Viv and I. I’m positive we’d have an awesome time telling wild, nonsensical stories and shocking Viv’s hubby and my boyfriend. It would be amazing.

  100. I discovered your website two months ago, fell in love with it, and read the whole thing while at work(shhhhh). I thought it was wonderful timing that you were coming out with a book, and promptly ordered one. I’m almost halfway thru, and love it just as much as this site. Thank you for.. I’m not even sure. Making me feel ok about my depression and weirdness? Making me laugh? Definitely all of the above and more.

  101. Congratulations! I TOLD my husband this would happen, and now I get to rub it in his face, even though he didn’t really argue with me. How exciting, both your success and the face-rubbing! Woot!

  102. ACK! Here I’ve been hoping you’d come to NC and you are! The ACK part? Next Thursday?! There is a HUGE meeting that I can miss or heads will roll…..mine. So on the agenda for the next few days? Figure out a way around it. Because, dammit, I HAVE to get to Concord.

  103. Hell to the yeah !! I am trying to get a group to come see ya in Hot’ lanta !!!!!!!!!! I think I just wet myself with excitement ~~Oh wait nope just spilled my tea

  104. I’m nearly finished reading your book. Do I like it? Just let me say that it’s the first time I’ve ever laughed out loud on a plane trip, which probably made my fellow passengers a little nervous. I also had to shield a few of the chapter titles from them (it’s an e-book and I need LARGE print). But. it. was. worth. it. Totally.

  105. I was reading the chapter about HR late at night and was hyperventilating/laughing so hard my mom barged in because she thought I was having phone sex. Thank you for being the one to give me that experience.

  106. Jenny, LOVED the book! Read it for book club! Would you consider coming to Philadelphia??? Pretty PLEASE!

  107. So not sure if you get to reply to your comments… i noticed the Gaithersburg is listed as – 4:40pm. does that mean you’re hiding until then, or will you be hanging out at the bookfair for some time before hand? Just trying to figure out how to arrange the work schedule for myslef and some kidnapped co-workers.

  108. As I am also sick your humor translated just fine. Now get your butt to Denver, we need you here. Seriously, we do.

  109. NO. NO. COME TO MISSISSIPPI.

    Anyway. So, like, I asked for your book for my sixteenth birthday and my dad gave me like thirty dollars so I got that and something about gangsters in mid-19th century New York. Somehow, they’re related.

    But really, congratulations. It’s a huge thing to get it published and this tour and gosh. I hope you’re having a good time, at least, and see how much people really do support you.

  110. Boston?!? I’m there! Wait, when and where in Boston? Never mind, I’m pretty sure my fiance and I would do pretty much anything to get there!

  111. I’ve seen many votes for Philadelphia already and let me add my voice to that chorus. Yoo-hoo, Jenny’s publisher — PHILADELPHIA!
    In other news, I’ve been very grateful to recall several times this week the mantra, Depression is a lying bastard.

  112. I don’t know where to begin, except to thank you for your book. I came home yesterday to find it waiting on my doorstep and I about squealed with delight. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has a strict “only 3 cackles per day” rule (apparently he enjoys hearing me laugh but not *that* much), so I could only read part of the book last night. Also unfortunately, but at the same time fortunately, I was rather sick and stayed home from work today and in the peace and quiet of my house I was able to finish the book and cackle all I wanted. It was good therapy, except for that my throat hurts and laughing doesn’t actually help that. At all. But it was totally worth it. Loved every minute of it, from heartbreak to hilarity, can’t wait to read it again!

  113. I need to know the date for the Boston day so I can make a point to take the day off of work and drive out!!

    and just so you know This week is antique week out in Brimfield Ma, and I am telling you this, because one of the places has a rusted big metal Chicken.. Beyonce needs her Jay-Z!! Next time I drive by it I will take a picture for you so you can show it to Beyonce. 🙂

    Get well soon!

  114. OMGOMGOMG!!!! You’re coming back to NY!!!!! This excites me muchly and I will do my absolute BEST to get there to see you! In the mean time, I hope you feel better… Ancient-King-Midas is nasty stuff!

  115. I had to tell you about this: http://tmblr.co/ZvoEtwLFtpLw

    Neil Gaiman is selling an original doodle, about which he says, “The other doodle. It is also on eBay but will probably be a sad also-ran, because THERE ARE FEWER PEOPLE WHO LOVE IGUANAWEASELS than there are people who love Morpheus, Daleks or a small sleeping rat.”

    As soon as I read that I knew who loved iguanaweasels… you!

  116. Today was a red letter day, I mean a 2 package day at the post office. One was your UK edition AWESOME cover!!!
    Second, your audio book, a gift for my friend who told me about your book to begin with! Since she has to spend 10 hours on the road this weekend, I figured it was a great time to introduce her hubby to your book as he drove and she laughed!!! Should I warn 911 to stand by just in case???
    We will see you in Annapolis at the Harbor Mall, which is MILES away from ANY harbor, and it is not really an enclosed mall, just s fancy strip mall. And it is miles away from downtown Annapolis. But it IS only 30 minutes from “here”, so we will be there to see you “there” and get a bunch of stuff signed.
    I saw an electrocuted squirrel up on some power lines, and I though of you..I will have to go back and get photos. He was in a “Hail Mary” pose. Hope it was quick. (Oh, no need to autograph the squirrel, just the photo, if you please. 🙂
    See you next Sunday!!!

  117. Ahh!! You’re coming to New York in June!! You’re coming to New York in June!!

  118. Just ordered yesterday, as a Mother’s day gift for my Sister….we are BEYOND EXCITED! Congrats and many blessings to you and yours:)

  119. If you don’t feel up to speaking at the next book tour stop, you can always do pantomime or charades. Your audience will understand (love the book, btw). Feel better soon!

  120. I have some astoundingly bad news: I just googled herpes butt images, and your face appeared. I knew you were the face of depression and rheumatoid arthritis, but I have to tell you, your face was not what I expected a herpetic ass to look like!

  121. LOVE YOU! I am so happy about all of this, that everyone knows how awesome you are!

    Please come to Kentucky! I bet you’ll find plenty of road kill and taxidermy animals! Remember Daniel Boone and Davy Crockett??

    Have a great time on your tour 🙂

  122. I am swooning that you are going to be close enough, in Chicago, that I can see you in person. Road trip!

  123. I glanced at the locations and saw Concord NH, just for one tiny, tiny, hope-filled instant.

    Think: New Hampshire.

  124. Thank you for the book! I can’t think of any of the funny things I was gonna write…so I’ll just go to bed with you and then try again tomorrow maybe.

    Umm..that didn’t come out right…go to bed with the book. Anything else and I think my wife would have something to say…

  125. Ok so I totally flew to Dallas to see you there and it was amazing. And now you are coming to Chicago!! So I’ll see you here soon! And this time I won’t be all shrilly….maybe.

    I changed my mind. I’m going to be SO shrilly.

  126. Your sick humor might not translate well, at least not the way you meant it, but it was great for me because it was like you read my mind *in advance* when you were writing this. As soon as I read “I’m coming to you,” I immediately thought of the part of the movie (/play) “Bells Are Ringing” where the dentist is making up a song about a steamboat, and he ends the song with, “I’m coming home to yooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu.” And in that same movie, there’s a play called “The Midas Touch,” and also the dentist rights a song called “The Midas Touch” (but not for the play) (I mean, not the play-within-the-play).

    Anyway. Right there in your post, bam, two references to “Bells Are Ringing.” Made my day.

  127. You KILL me !!!!!!!!! I find your book one of my all time favorites. Your way of looking at the world is delightful. Will see you in a week at Concord, NC…..

  128. so excited for the third leg 😉 definitely coming to see you in chicago!!

  129. Safe travels on the next leg of your tour kiddo. In addition to getting even more famous by now you must’ve conquered your anxieties about traveling. Knock em dead.

  130. …keep coming… I-95 North… you can make it to South Jersey/Philly, I know you can! Just so we’re clear, though, you want the sun setting on your left and the nation’s capitol behind you. I’ll keep hoping…

    You’ll know you’re here when they start charging you a ridiculous amount of money to ride on crappy, overcrowded roads. Don’t mind the folks waving their middle fingers at you. It’s the local custom for “hi, damn glad to meet you!” Or at least that’s what I tell myself.

  131. CANADA!! CANADA!! Come to Canada! I’m halfway through the book, SO fantastic. I often read your posts to the hubby and “OH MY GOD! HEY GIRL!” is now the regular greeting around here. Thanks Juanita. But seriously, thank YOU for giving such a loud voice to all of us fighting depression/anxiety. YOU, madam, are our mascot 🙂

  132. YOU’RE FINALLY COMING TO BOSTON! HELLS YEAH!
    I told my husband and he said it was a good thing he was given a crossbow this week, as he totally has time to kill and stuff something for you before you arrive.
    I married a good man.

  133. Whatcha doing the weekend of May 19th/20th in between the shows? I live in the area and am planning on attending one of them. Would be happy to be your local tour guide. Want to see puffins have sex? National Aquarium in Baltimore. See a vehicle that has logged over 148 million miles? Space Shuttle Discovery at the Smithsonian-Dulles. Get tipsy on George Washington’s whiskey? His distillery is now open at Mount Vernon. Visit Nora Roberts bookstore? It’s a beautiful drive to Boonsboro, and there are a lot of wineries in the area. How about a visit to the third smallest national cemetery in the United States? The Civil War Battle of Balls Bluff in Leesburg, Va.
    I have the weekend off, including Friday.

  134. Safe travels!!!
    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come to Seattle, washington!!!!!I am one of your gays and It would rock my world to meet you!

  135. YOU ARE COMING TO NJ!!!!!

    I just told my husband that I wanted you to sign my boob. But then I was all “she’s probably been asked to sign that already.” Then I went in to deep mumbly think mode….

    Then.. I might have fallen a sleep. But just for a minute. I had a great dream, but I don’t think I’ll be able to build a gianormous platypus out of rudimentary objects in time….

    Looking forward to stalking you (in a total NON THREATENING way. Maybe.),

    Valerie :o)

  136. Joisey! YES! I know this book tour must be insane for you, but you are AMAZING and I will definitely be there. I wonder if they still make those Bloggess-inspired NJ lottery scratch-offs??? Hmmm…

  137. you really need to come to Canada… we have our own Real Housewives show now.. that makes us a real city, right?

  138. I’m so excited that you’re coming to Gaithersburg! Just ordered my book today 😀 Now to decide what I want you to sign…

  139. TWO in Maryland but NOT ONE in Virginia?! Or even DC (which is between MD and VA, and considered by some people to be An Important Place).

  140. “We are not amused.”

    Sorry, the Queen is ALWAYS like that.

    Even about your UK book launch.

    Blame it on the Corgis.

    And her stupid son, the never-to-be King Chuck.

  141. Last Sunday the husband and I were sitting on the couch together in a very rare moment of relaxation and togetherness. I was reading him the chapter “Jenkins, You Motherfucker” and we were laughing so hard we woke up our 1 year old. It was one of those rare moments between our jobs, chores, and our wonderful, hyper munchkin that we got to sit together and just laugh until we almost peed (or maybe peed just a little).

    So thank YOU.

  142. Awesome! I wish you were headed out to the west coast again.. I couldn’t make the SF stop and was so bummed… On another happy note I was getting my pedicure today and I flipped open the People magazine and there was a 1/2 or 2/3 sized review of your book! and it was awesome!

    Thank you for being you.. You have helped more people than you will ever know!

    PS. If you didn’t see that review (which I doubt) and want proof it exsists… i took a pic with my cell phone and am totally down to text/email it to you LOL

  143. I have read your book like 5 times now and am ECSTATIC you will be in Boston!!! Please oh please let it be a Saturday or Sunday!!! I have no vacation time at work and I am DYING to get my book signed!!!!

  144. I’d like to put my vote in for you to please please please come to Chicago!!! Mid-west! (said in a westside rapper kinda way)

  145. cleaning every day helps your clean home stay that way. Even if you ignore all the other housekeeping rules, make sure you follow this most important clean room guideline.

  146. Woot! You’re coming to NC! Nowhere near me, but still, a heck of a lot closer than you were until now. 🙂 I hope I can manage to get my butt out to Concord to see you so that I can tell you to your face how much I enjoy reading your stuff.

  147. …. i have to work on may 16th. i am so crushed 🙁 i was looking forward to you adding an Atlanta date. i really would have liked to talk with you about handling anxiety issues… my friends and family just don’t get it.

  148. MINNEAPOLIS!!!!!!! Why won’t you come to Minneapolis? It’s like you hate us here.

  149. I just gave your book to my friend to take on vacation with her because she wasn’t going to be able to buy it before then, but I’ll make her buy it when she gets home.

    I don’t like that New York is on the TOP of the leg three list, cause I’ll be there in late June. Excuse me while I pray to your agents that they put it later in the month! Or send you out to the Southwest. You know, either really.

    At least you don’t have the plague. Or boils. Pus is so unbecoming

  150. Yay for more legs on the tour!!!!!!!!!! Now come to VEGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  151. Really still no Seattle? You know how much cache this town carries especially for the strange and quirky? We have a giant troll that lives under a bridge! Trumps metal chicken!

  152. So sorry you’re sick. Did you know that the mountain air in Denver is said to be a cure for all of those itises. Or maybe that was osis. Tuberculosis. Or cataracts. Or maybe the herp. Anyway, PLEASE!!!! come to Denver! We don’t even care if it’s after your book has fallen off of the charts! We have been there for you for years, before you were a successful author. Please?????? You’re not coming anywhere near us! *whine* Did someone say wine? 😉

  153. Your blog has literally pulled me out of some really heavy anxiety/panic attacks. Feeling crazy is bad enough, but being crazy and thinking you are the only one who is losing their mind totally throws me for a loop. Just knowing that there is someone else out there who is experiencing the same kinds of emotions I am is SO encouraging and such an amazing validation. I am not the only Crazy person who sometimes just can’t face the outside world. Thank you Jenny!!!!
    Anywho-Colorado ROCKS and I am SOOO Sad that I don’t see Denver on your itinerary!!!! Please, please tell your publisher peeps that Colorado LOVES the Bloggess and that by allowing you to add Denver to your book tour, you would actually be helping the mental state of AT LEAST a million people here in Denver. Probably 2 million-Maybe even 2.5 million. Plus, our weather kicks ass and Colorado is just an awesome place to be. If you think starting an email campaign would help, I am totally down for that. Just let me know.
    AMy

  154. Come to Portland (Oregon)! We have the best bookstore ever! It’s a City of Books!!!!

    I’m afraid it’s probably too damp for much taximdermy though.

  155. Oh, Chicago in June? Couldn’t you just pretty please go the extra little bitty way to Madison to visit us Wisconsin folk up here? The Midwest loves you just as much as the Coasts do!

  156. For the love of all that is holy, would you just come to Salt Lake City already?! It really is a delightful city and we really really like you. I’d even settle for Denver, as one of the earlier commenters suggested. It’s an 8 hour drive but would be SO worth it.

  157. Sigh, and I see Seattle or Portland still get no love. We will just have to admire you from afar (even though Seattle is one of the highest per capita book purchasing cities in the country….). Ok that little factoid may or may not be true, but we do have a really good reputation as a city of readers who actually buy books.

  158. One more plea for Denver. Or even Boulder. This town is filled with fabulous and crazy people. You would feel much love here.

  159. YOU’RE COMING TO NEW YORK AGAIN!?!?!?! 😀

    I am SO frickin excited. Now I can tell you how much I love your book in person, instead of just in my head, where I plan blog comments I never get around to typing.

    Sincerely,

    The Chick In The Black Dress Who Asked You For Zombie Apocalypse Survival Tips in NYC 🙂

  160. YEAH Chicago! Now just need to get a date so I can take off of work. Cannot wait!!!

  161. Just ordered your book today! Can’t wait for it to arrive 🙂

    And then COME TO AUSTRALIA – please! Well, Melbourne, Victoria to be more precise…..

  162. Okay on Chi-town but if you keep going west on 80 …. and like Davenport or Des Moines or some other Iowa town with S’s you don’t pronounce lands on your schedule, I would be all. up. in. your. itises. with homemade chicken soup.

    I know, Iowa, right? Potatoes, right? And cows? But stranger things have happened.

    Love and good mojo and spiritual vitamin C.

    P.S. It’s corn and pigs, but who’s fact-checking this shit?

  163. ARIZONA!!!! PLEASE!!!! Chandler is in the East Valley near Phoenix. Surrounding cities that frequently have authors are Mesa and Tempe….PLEASE!!!

  164. I hope you’re feeling better.

    I’m giving up my seat at the Phillies/Boston game to head to Annapolis – see you then!

  165. You should come to Arkansas. Hot Springs, in particular. I think we have a bookstore or two. Actually we have one really awesome one that would be a really sweet place to have a reading of your book except I don’t know how that would go over because a.) it’s a used bookstore b.) the people who own it are super old and (while really sweet) they’re super Jesus people and I don’t know if they’d ‘get’ the amazingness of your book, and, well, c.) there wouldn’t really be room because that place is packed tighter than a hoarder house (no joke) and only skinny people can fit in there (again, 100% true), and if you do manage to squeeze your way in, the books are stacked like 7½ feet high, and it’s terrifying because if one stack comes down they ALL come down and if the thousand pounds of books didn’t kill you inhaling all the 50 year old dust would. And no one would ever find you again. But it’s a great photo-op. And the little old lady hugs everyone who comes in.

  166. So, I just got the book today. It’s my mother’s day present, because my husband knows how to keep us both happy. I just got through the introduction, and actually had to stop because I’m so pregnant that laughing hurts….THANK YOU!

  167. I went to the bookstore today and saw they had an entire part of a display window devoted to your book. And I thought to myself … “hey, I know who that is ….” How cool is that?

    Sorry you were sick. Sending some feel better vibes your way.

  168. AmazonUK finally got my cope to me last week, by which point I’d already read it on kindle, so now I just stroke it and sleep with it and lick it, but don’t read it because then I might crack the spine.

    Also, UK tour? UK TOUR. Why no UK tour? I would totally come. I would be ALL OVER THAT SHIT like taxidermied animals on a shelf in your office.

  169. Dealng with sinusitis myself right now. It sucks and I feel your pain. I can’t even imagine all the other things on top of it. Although the King Midas thing might be cool if you don’t want to eat and you want a lot of gold. Feel better soon, Jenny!! You are way too awesome to be down sick with all that!! 🙂

  170. Sigh. We in Portlandia sit here, laughing into our coffee/tea/mango juice cups, langishing, all alone and Jenny-less. We are the only city that could properly appreciate you…and here we sit, tears running onto the pages/ipads/smart phones where we read your book. Or maybe that’s just rain….or the skin peeling from our faces from the taste of sun we’ve had this week. Either way, we’re emo over our jenny-less-ness.

  171. I sooo wish you could make it near St. Louis. I would totally come to your signing! Along with a bunch of my friends who’ve been mercilessly prodded into loving your blog. ^_^

  172. You simply must come to Kansas City! Even the song says we have “crazy little women here” – name me one other city with it’s own song which so perfectly encapsulates you! And you can get here anyway you want to . . . you can take a plane or a train or you can even walk (because we really are that close to you!) Please, please, please.

  173. OMGness I totally just bought your book and I am litterally bouncing with excitement! I can’t wait to read it 🙂

  174. Please make your way to Charleston, SC. It’s pretty, I’m sure we have some stuffed animals somewhere, and I could feed you and get you drunky!

  175. This comment is for whoevere is booking your tour. Ever hear of the Midwest? You know, there’s a town called Chicago that’s the third most populous in the country, right?

  176. Oops, didn’t notice the bubble on the side about leg three. Disregard my last comment.

  177. I noticed you’re skipping right by Detroit, which is understandable, but we’re not all knife-wielding psychopaths. And some of us can actually read, no matter what you hear in the news. Plus, if you lived in Detroit, you’d be begging for some tours to stop by… Wheaton still hasn’t visited. Great book, too, thanks.
    – TommyO
    p.s. I carry Gerber knives, they sharpen easily after slicing things, people, etc.

  178. My husband bought me your book for my birthday – I took it to work and started reading it at lunchtime and I had to stop reading it because I kept getting looked at when I burst into giggles!

  179. You are so welcome, Thank you for making me look like a crazy person laughing hysterically on the plane last week. See you in BOSTON!!!

  180. WooHOO on you coming to Boston!! REALLY looking forward to it!!! (unless that puts undue pressure on you, then never mind). Hope your various itises leave you soon!

  181. Sorry you’ve got a bad case of Midas, but beyond excited that you’ll be in ATL next week! I’m takin’off work and driving in from Birmingham to come hear you!!!

  182. Chicago? OMG, LOL, BBQ! My knitting group has a love affair with you. I can’t wait until you post the date. We often comment on how if you lived in the suburbs of Chicago, and knitted or crocheted, or were bi-stitchual, that you would find our shoppe, and consider us friends. Some struggle openly about depression & mental illness, some learn from others, and everyone loves a well dressed mouse.

    Thank you for all you write.

  183. Sorry to hear you’re not feeling well. On that note, since you’re already not feeling well, now is the perfect time for your publisher to add a Midwest leg to your tour – sure your nose will get clogged, your throat will get sore, and your allergies will attack – but you ALREADY FEEL THIS WAY ANYWAY, right? You could use this trip to cleanse your body of toxins – and if that doesn’t work, the UM hospital here in Ann Arbor is very good. 😉

    Also, I’m over halfway done with your book, and purchased an additional copy for Mother’s Day, and can I just say, you are ridiculously adorable? And human. Thank you – it has been a pleasure reading, so far.

  184. Won’t you pretty please consider coming to the greater Philadelphia area? I will bring you a sandwich or something to your signing if you do. See? Sandwich bribery. Pennsylvanians know how to operate.

  185. Well done, and I hope you feel better soon. I am going to have to try and get my hands on a copy somehow… Do you know if it is being sold in South Africa at all?

  186. Chicago in June, whoohoo!! I will totally be there, enormous pregnant belly and all. Can’t wait!

  187. If you’re going to be in Chicago in June, you need to come to St. Louis in June as well. You may not know this, but we have a rivalry. You can’t visit one and not the other, or people will think you are picking sides. Plus, you don’t want to be on Chicago’s side. So, come to the Lou in June (it even sounds like a bathroom, am I right?). Just not the last week in June, as I will not be there to see you then! So, I suggest the first half of June, just to be safe. And Left Bank Books, because it’s an awesome place to hang out, and one of my favorites.

    And the mindless nattering will stop now.

  188. My copy arrived yesterday (UK release day) and I got 30 pages into it before I had even taken my coat off. Then my daughter saw it, stole it and I haven’t seen it since 🙁 The good news is she’ll probably have finished it by the time I get home from work today and I’ll get it back!)
    Thank you for making us laugh 🙂

  189. My jaw hurts … I cannot stop laughing!!! I went to B&N to look for a new book, picked up yours, and … well, let’s just say that I have been harrassing my friends daily to get your book, as well. I am now a horrible mother, not wanting to do anything else but read, and … will follow my loving, and extremely patient husband around the house reading him passages! I am trying to read slowly so the book does not end! Congrats on the new leg of the tour! xo Connie xo

  190. Okay, so when you’re here in Chicago in June, pleasepleasePLEASE don’t be in the suburbs. If it’s a weekday, I’m totally taking the day off anyway, but I hate the suburbs almost as much as I hate ginormous crowds of people. :-p

    And holy shitsnacks you’re gonna be in Chicago!!!!!!!!!! :-O

    Feel better soon, Jenny. <3

  191. YAY FOR COMING TO CHICAGO!!!! We were hoping and hoping – we’ll definitely be there to see you!

  192. You’re coming to Chicago!?! Woohoo!

    Thank YOU Jenny for brightening up my morning (and every morning I read your blog). Your writing makes me furiously happy.

  193. Jenny! I just downloaded your book on my ereader and I can not wait for my train ride home to read it. But in the meantime I wanted to share the (one and only) negative review I found on the Sony e-reader bookstore site, because it is just so hysterical!

    “This book arrived in the mail the other day. Great title. Great cover. I couldn’t wait to read it.
    Then I turned the book over and started reading the back.
    And that was as far as I got.
    Forgive me, but I cannot read this book. If my dad saw me reading this book, he’d wash my mouth out with soap. My mom would have put me in the corner and grounded me for a month. I have friends who would have had a public burning of this book.
    I’m afraid it’s not a book for me. I’m not really a modern girl who casually mixes the profane with the sacred.
    I wish it had never come in the mail for me.
    Can we pretend this never happened?”

    I don’t get it… seems to me your book is EXACTLY the book for her…
    Congrats on your well deseved success – I can’t wait to start reading.
    Hugs,
    Elizabeth (a modern girl who casually mixes the profane with the sacred)

  194. Yikes – I’m still getting over the whole tonsilitis, bronchitis & sinitis…pick an itis….It’s been almost 4 weeks of this mess. I feel ya. Congrats on the the book!

  195. I am so excited that you will be in Concord. I was going to pick up the book, but now I will wait and get a signed copy! Thank you for being hilarious, and thank you for being real. I can’t wait!

  196. I’m so sorry I missed you when you came to NYC, but it’s probably for the best because I think I might have burst into (happy) tears and hugged you for an inappropriately lengthy period of time. I loved your book and I’m so happy for all your success.

  197. GOOD LORD YOU’RE COMING TO CHICAGO

    Thank God. I was ready to wage war with states you’ve visited. Now all is okay.

  198. Jenny,
    I was unable to see you in Lansing, because, I had to work..I know right? I thought about calling in sick, but I had already posted on my Facebook that you were coming…So, it is your patriotic duty to come back to Michigan. Or, fly me to Texas to Taxidermy with your Dad. Either way, its win.

    Love from the Mitten,

    Rebecca

    PS-You need to get Viktor a Taxidermed Bobcat for his Birthday, for his Office, wearing a cowboy hat and chaps.

  199. DUDE! You totally added a leg of where I USED TO LIVE UNTIL 10 DAYS AGO! I’m SOOOOO bummed. Okay…midwest next. midwest next. I know you hit Chicago earlier, but I wasn’t in the midwest yet. Maybe souther in the midwest?

    I’m SO bummed. Curses.

  200. Yay! Atlanta! Finally! 9 hours to Florida at 7.5 months pregnant is a bit much, but I think I can handle half an hour stuck in traffic to get to Buckhead!

  201. Come to the beautiful Pacific Northwest so I (and my sister, and my girlfriends, et al) can come see you!!!

  202. I have not laughed this hard in forever…seriously. Last night one the chapters I read was where you cleaned out your colon. I spent a good part of that chapter in the bathroom so I wouldn’t pee in the bed from laughing

  203. You should TOTALLY come to Memphis…tell your people this!!!!!

    I would absolutely love to come and see you and buy your awesome book, because I am a supporter of all things awesome…

    🙂

  204. Chicago in June? I may actually be able to make it depending on the dates. That would be epic.

  205. Ya know, Minneapolis is lovely this time of year. Just in case you’re available to book tour here!

  206. OH MY GOSH! You’re coming to Chicago? I may have to see you! I mean, I’m in Wisconsin, but I want to meet you, state lines be damned.

    Also, I was reading Lets Pretend This Never Happened in my shrink’s waiting room this morning, and I started giggling and grinning like a maniac and it felt really odd, but also oddly appropriate.

  207. Omgomgomg! I can’t believe you are coming to Annapolis! I am SO there. I am making the boyfriend come too, and plan on reading aloud from your book for the entire drive, so he will be up to speed on your awesomeness when we get there. You’re welcome.

    Get better soon, though i’ve heard that King Midas is tough to kick.

  208. Woo-hoo for the Maryland stops! I’ll be there with bells on. Well, not real bells. Unless you think that’s cool. Then I’ll totally wear bells. Jingle, jangle!

  209. Please come to Nashville. You can stay at my house. Please.

    Or, you could stop by my house on your way from Atlanta to North Carolina to sign my book and say hi. It’s kind of on the way, but not really. Please.

  210. (Sad Face) Are you going to come back to Northern California? Would love to see you, adored the book!

  211. Does this mean you’re coming back to California? Please please please? San Jose loves you!

  212. Oh, and I’d ask you to come to my town, but we don’t sell books here…..or really anything besides gas and Mickey D’s. So I better find your next stop..lol!

  213. Thank you for all your awesomeness and your willingness to share with the rest of us that are slightly warped.

    I am ashamed to admit I missed you in San Antonio and Austin, TX and I live an hour from each. Timing just could not be worked out but I have friends who did make it and I hear you are even more awesome, if that is possible.

    Feel better soon and THANK YOU!

  214. Are you having an English leg? Of your tour? I’m off to Kindle to get it Whispered on over, but want to meet you in real life and just be in awe… So, whenya coming?!?! You can stay on our sofabed if you pass through Oxford 🙂

  215. No, Jenny, THANK YOU!!! I loved the book and I think I’m going to read it again on a blue day when I need a laugh or need some perspective. Thank you for always providing plenty of both.

  216. Thank you thank you thank you!!! I read whole chapters outloud to my friends, and we were laughing the whole time. Such a funny read and will definitely buy your next 🙂

  217. I’m another with my vote in for Seattle. 🙂 I’ll even bring you TWO TACOS if you come. PLEEEEEASE???

  218. Feel better soon! Maybe you need a little down time? I really enjoyed the book, by the way.

  219. Will definitely make my best effort to get to Annapolis…not too far to drive, and I know the area. I may be hiding in the ladies room but at least I know I will find you there….
    Who else is planning on going to the Annapolis signing?

  220. Just finished last night – I’ve actually never laughed so much at a book in all my life! Recommending it to everyone now, so much to relate to!!

    Come to the UK, more specifically Scotland!!

  221. I’ll totally come to Annapolis, but can you clarify for me — it says tickets for the signing are provided with proof of purchase. I, uh, kind of pre-ordered my book via Amazon … does that mean B&N won’t let me approach?

    And will there be pitchforks involved if I attempt to?

  222. COME TO ST. LOUS!!! Close-ish to Chicago…get more out of your flight by hitting two cities in one trip. We also have a fantastic Indie bookshop (Left Bank Books!) that would be a perfect spot for you. I would like you to sign my book plate again…or my boob…people seem to enjoy that.

  223. I know this would be a mutha-fuckin miracle, but I totally hope your book-signing gig in Chicago is the same week/end as the WizardWorld Con is. STAN-FUCKIN-LEE is gonna be there, as well as “my boys” –The stars of my (severely unhealthy–SHUP) obsession with all things Boondock Saints related. (Norman-FUCKIN-Reedus y’all, Rocco and Sean Patrick Flannery) I’mma gonna have to rob a bank or something. Thrice.

    I will totally hide in the bathroom with you, I promise to bring my flask & my very own ‘Judy Garland trail-mix’. I promise I’ll share.
    And if you need a place to crash, 3 hours south east of Chicago near Muncie {Go BALL U}, I offer my humble abode. We don’t answer the front door or nuttin. You can totally hide here….until my Mom shows up. Just try not to say the “FUCK” word around her too much, it makes her more nervous than a Chihuahua on water pills, red bull & crack. —
    Which is why we (me, my 18yr old daughter & sometimes, if he slips up, my 13 yr old son) say it all the time. It’s awesome. You’d love her. My mom, that is. You might like us too. I promise not to curtsy, it’s really hard with my cane & all. heehee

    YOU TOTALLY DESERVE ALL OF THIS….and just breatheeee, we love you. And then you can take a vacation. From your brain. And when you figure out how to do that, please let me know. I need one too. (Brain-cation)

  224. Chicago?!?!? Um, I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH for putting us on the tour! I cannot wait to meet you. OMG, I love you!!!

  225. I’m sorry you’re sick, and sorry I can’t read through 345 comments to see if anyone’s already asked this, but: did you talk to Wil Wheaton about how to handle book signings and meet n greets? I know everyone wants to hug you, but the sad truth is that you will stay MUCH healthier if you limit touching when possible. It sucks, but true fans will see it as helping you be a MORE productive writer! 🙂

  226. ohmygodohmygodohmygod!! you’re coming to BOSTON!??! for this, I will make a 4 hour drive to see you!!

  227. My mom and I really want to come see you in Chicago, but she hates driving in big cities, so we probably won’t come. But we want to!
    -RJ

  228. For the love that is all that is good and holy, (insert Juanita pic)can you stop by Philly or nearby? Don’t make me get a hotel room to see you!!!!

  229. Your book was sitting on the coffee table when I let the ferrets out to play. Corrignoor pushed the book off the coffee table and was nudging it across the floor. I don’t think it will fit in the ferret stash.

  230. I bought the audiobook and love it. I listen to it while at work. Unfortunately, there are times I want to refer back, or share with my husband, and I can’t because my brain is incapable of recounting the story accurately or finding it again in the audio format; consequently, I now have to buy the damn e-book as well. Well played, Jenny, well played.

  231. Thanks to your book, a long flight from Houston to Rio passed very quickly! Any Canadian stops planned for your tour? Pretty please?

  232. Ugh, traveling is the worst for your health. Drink lots of water and avoid sugar if you can, okay? Road warriors need to stay healthy!

    It’s great that I may get a second chance to see you in NY, having missed it the first time. Just don’t come the last week of June, pretty please!

  233. Been made redundant so with no money have been debating whether I am better buying some dinner or your book. Am going for your book, as who needs a full belly when you can have a belly laugh .

  234. I really wish I could come hear you speak and have you sign your book for me!! Unfortunately I’m stationed at Shaw AFB and they have me working both nights. You’ll be only a few hours from me.. and that hurts me but it’s also exciting bc you’re like RIGHT there. I could reach out and touch you! Well not really… bc that would be creepy. But still! I could at least bask in your pure amazingness! *sigh*

  235. I love it that the email I just got from Barnes & Noble lists LPTNH as a Mother’s Day read! I may have to re-read it tomorrow just because it’s that good. The husband is getting used to my laughing aloud and muttering to myself as I read it.

  236. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!! I am so excited you are coming to NJ!!!! And I just found my very own Beyonce–it was fate that I found her just this week in time for me to bring her to you so you can sign her!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!! Thank YOU for writing this wonderful book and writing your wonderful blog–we adore you here in Jersey!! FIST PUMP!!!!

  237. Congratulations! Thank you for being you and you deserve more credit than we do. You know, since you’re the funny one.

    I’m looking forward to the day you have enough taxidermied critters that you can present a full orchestra.

  238. You know, Phoenix is in the top 5 biggest cities, and I know for a fact you have a ton of fans out here. Just sayin’ . . .

  239. No, thank you. I wish you could come to me here in Kentucky. It would be really awesome to hear you speak/read. I love the book: could barely finish the chapter on Stanley the Magical Squirrel, I was laughing so hard. So hard that I’d then start coughing and hacking and it wasn’t pretty, but it was wonderful. Thank you.

  240. I hope you get well soon. In book news, I was reading in bed last night and was laughing so hard that I was freaking my puppy out. That’s not a euphemism.

  241. I’m not one to ever go to book signings, but, holy shit, I might just break that rule.

  242. Awesome!!! I recommend your book to everyone I know! Can you PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,PLEASE, WITH A CHERRY ON TOP COME TO TORONTO? Or Guelph, nice town, I live there. PLEASE????? I’ll be forever thankful, and I’ll bring you Starbucks, or a taxidermied warthog. PLEASE?????

  243. I tried to email, but it was kicked back…so this is going to be a long comment…apologies in advance

    I know you get these emails all the time…”oh my gosh, you’re so funny….blah, blah, blah”, and of course, here I am sending another one.  I just HAD to write, though, because I am also a (former, thank God) west Texas girl.  And you think you were shunned in school….

    How about growing up poor IN Midland, where everyone had a lot of money or worked very hard to appear that way.  Everyone except my mother, that is…who insisted that homemade clothes from my grandmother (which always came in two sizes…one for me, one for my older sister….which naturally meant that I got to suffer through every article of clothing twice, because I got the hand me downs too), and thrift store items from the seventies were WAY better than clothes from Dillard’s, where I sooooo longed to shop.  And if the clothes weren’t reason enough for me to be ruthlessly mocked by the mean queens of middle school, there was also the VW bus that mom insisted on driving.  That was poop brown.  I wish I was making all of this up.  

    I did escape for awhile, and find solace in New Mexico, where I actually did find acceptance and a thriving social life for awhile.  Although it was just in Roswell, which at the time was solely known as “that place I stopped to pee on my way to go skiing in Ruidoso”, prior to all the alien hubbub (and don’t think I don’t hear enough of the alien/UFO/probing jokes when I tell people where I went to high school).  New Mexico in that area was basically west Texas with smaller malls.  

    We have lived in the Dallas area for twelve years now, and I will say that for the first couple of years, I would have gone back to Midland in a heartbeat.  I still have some of my family there, and my husband is from Andrews (if you’ve ever heard of it), so most of his family is still in the area between Andrews and Snyder (site of the yearly family reunion.  In a building called “the barn”.  With a tin roof, no a/c, held every year in the first weekend of August (wtf is wrong with these people?).

    Sorry…the whole reason for this diatribe is to tell you that I relate very much to your book…and my friend who is reading it too says that every page reminds her of me….only maybe on crack.  Which I took as a compliment…hope you do too.  And to let you know that I purchased miniature versions of Beyonce the chicken at our monthly trade days and gave them to my best pals.  Mine is Roscoe P Coltrane.  😉

    II enjoy your writing as only someone with a common background could….someone who caught horny toads as a kid, to see if they really squirt blood out their eyeballs when threatened (I personally never saw it…I guess I don’t frighten horny toads much), some who actually played with tumbleweeds larger that myself, and thought dust devils were the runt of the tornado litter.  In short (too late for that, I now realize)….please keep doing what you do.  I definitely appreciate it!

    A fan,
    Debbie

  244. Believe it or not, but you DO have fans in conservative UT!! (one, so far….ME) However, I have been actively been spreading the gospel of Jenny to all that will listen. Actually, I COMMAND that they read your posts! Much love and much luck to you!

  245. Wooo!!! Three generations of Jenny fans headed to Gaithersburg! Admittedly, one generation is only 5 years old . . .she is a future fan. And my little Juanita Weasel will make a perfect dashboard co-pilot!

  246. Jenny – looks like I have joined you in the League of Those With Auto-Immune Disorders. This week, a neurologist at Methodist Hospital diagnosed me with myasthenia gravis, and the next couple of weeks are being devoted to tests to determine the extent to which I am affected, as well as plasma exchanges to get rid of the antibodies. At least now I have an answer for why I have been so damned exhausted all the time, and afraid to go out in crowds (which is why I didn’t see you at your tour stop in Houston – for which I made up by purchasing your audiobook in addition to the Kindle edition.)

    Take care, and keep up the good work!
    ~EdT.

  247. That book is the only thing to make me laugh out loud after my awful breakup; you MAY have saved my sanity; thank you:)

  248. When you were a kid, if you ever dreamed that what was going on would land you where you are, did you ever actually believe that it would?

    You are amazing and so deserving. Congrats on all of it 🙂 Wish you were headed back to the SF Bay Area!

  249. Man, by the time I move back to the states you will be far away! dang it !!!!

  250. Holy shitsnacks!!! You are coming to NC!!!! Can’t wait to meet you and thank you personally for making me laugh out loud while reading a book…in public. And I love when someone asks what I’m laughing at and I get to read passages to them like the wine-tasting review comments. LOL!

  251. Start taking Airborne. It’s practically koolaid but with good stuff in it. There’s also this stuff called Immune-C and Emergen-C …something like that. But you have to use it like mad (couple bottles) for a couple of days. Then just start having the Airborne a couple times a day. Better vitamins than nasty pharmaceuticals that will just kill you in the end. Just sayin…

    xoxoxo

  252. You are welcome – I just downloaded it. YOU HAVE NO IDEA how hard it was to wait – I was making myself finish the book I was reading before your’s came out. But I am SOOOOOO excited to start. The acknowledgement page alone is worth the 12.99 I paid for the book.

  253. Ahhh!! I’m SO HAPPY you’re coming to CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Jenny!!!!

  254. STILL NO PACIFIC NORTHWEST STOPS. This is just wrong. And discriminatory.

    If I make really big sad pathetic eyes will your publisher schedule a book signing in Seattle or Portland? Pretty please?

  255. I’m so excited!! You’re coming near me on the new leg of the tour!!! I have no idea how to get to Gaithersburg from Northern VA, but I will see you there!!

  256. You deserve it. It is such a good book. I may have been caught reading it on my kindle at a conference when I laughed out loud at an inappropriate time in an education session.

  257. I can’t wait to see you thursday. My Sister and I will be coming from the upper part of SC.

  258. Just bought copies for myself, my mom, and my mother in law, and would love to see you in SEATTLE! I hope there’s a leg 4 for us out on the west coast!

  259. I seriously just did one of those fist pumps to the side with the combination knee lift when I saw you are coming to NC!!!! I don’t care who is watching my kids but I am going to be there!

  260. You are awesome. Also I hope the NJ stop is in S. Jersey close to Philadelphia (although coming to Philly itself would better!)

  261. Hey! So I should probably leave this comment on the Beyonce thread but it’s got like a bajillion comments on it already and, well, this post is RIGHT HERE AT THE TOP. So, I am a crazy chicken lady, and next week I am getting a pair of show chickens. Well, a show hen and a show rooster. AND I AM NAMING THE ROOSTER BEYONCE. Just thought you’d like to know 😀

  262. Thank YOU for writing this book. It made me really happy.

    You should totally come to the U.K. and continue your book tour over here. I’ll buy you an icecream. WITH a flake! AND sprinkles!

  263. Crossing my fingers that Boston will be early in June. I am now buying a copy of the book, just so you can sign it! Well, that and the fact that our library waitlist is prejudiced against college students. (Seriously. No offense to all you middle-aged mothers, but I was definitely before you! Cheaters.)