Thank you!

in I am totally overrated, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Random Crap

EEEEEEEE.

That is the sound of a hamster being squeezed too tightly by a three-year-old.  It is also the sound I’m making after finding out that your tremendous support of the paperback version of my book (which came out last week) is now #5 on the NYT paperback list.  I am so incredibly lucky to have such an amazing community behind me who is willing to buy a book all over again just so they can read the bonus chapter.  Also, I have lots of great tour stories to tell you when the tour is finally over (Come see me?) but for now let me just say that the greatest part about touring is watching nervous people creep in alone but leave as groups of new friends.  I am so lucky to be a part of your bizarre tribe.

Picture of a few awesome people from last week's book tour. They smelled like cupcakes and magnificence.

And to thank you a tiny bit for all of  your bad-assness I’m giving away five autographed copies of the new book this week.  And if you already have one you can just sell it on eBay, or use it as a coaster, or give it to your newest friend to test how easily offended they are.  Just leave a comment and I’ll pick people before I leave again for the next leg of the tour.

PS.  For real.  Thank you.  We did this together.

2,093 thoughts on “Thank you!”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. I bought your book for my sister for Christmas and she refuses to give it up long enough for me to borrow it and read it, so obviously I need a copy of the paperback! I sooooooo wish you were coming closer to where I live so I could come see you!

  8. Me really hopes that you picks me to win your paperback book. Me already has your hardback book but me would love an autographed copy of your paperback. Me is not sure why me is talking like Cookie Monster… Maybe because me just ate a box of oreos????

  9. Thank you for sharing your stories with us! You are a quirky inspiration to all of us awkward oddballs, and I sincerely wish you lived closer so we could be BFFs.

  10. Such a loser here. Procrastinated and missed you on your SOLD OUT visit to St Louis! So happy the tour is going great. Please pick me!

  11. Pick me! since you are not coming back to Colorado 🙁
    Congrats on all your successes ( or would that be ‘successi’?) let’s just go with ‘success’………. so very well deserved!… every one of them!

  12. The thing I like the most about this post is that you have nearly 10x the amount of comments you’d normally have because you’ve offered free stuff. People love you, but they love free stuff from you just a bit more. And that’s something I love.

    On an unrelated note, kyak would be the screaming sound you’d make if you were in Asia, specifically if you were in Korea. Now that’s a funny sound.

  13. Pick me please!!!!! I was going to come see you Thursday in Kansas City, but my crotchfruit has the flu so I won’t be able to make it 🙁

  14. Hi! I had been wanting your book for a year, and I finally bought the paperback version at the St. Louis Airport a couple Tuesdays ago! My flight got delayed from eight fifty pm, to two o’clock in the morning. So I bought it and almost finished it while waiting for my plane 🙂 Thank you for entertaining me in an airport!

  15. I had gotten your book through my Kindle – this Christmas my sister gave me the hardcover version – and I was so excited to have a ‘real’ copy of the book to own! This weekend I passed it onto two friends to read – but of course, I want the hard copy back!

  19. I love your blog–love your book! I pre-bought my sister a copy in Dec. 2011 for Christmas thinking it would be signed, but it wasn’t! WAAAH! Fortunately, the book was still ROCKIN’ AWESOME!! I would love to have my own copy. (She made me give hers back!)

  20. I would love a physical copy of your book, I only have a e version that I read on my phone and it hurt my eyes. But I kept reading it because it was hilarious.

  22. Please come back to Seattle…hang out…my family will cook for you. Oh…and a book wouldn’t hurt either.

  23. I would absolutely LOVE an autographed copy of your book!! I love your blog and I want to read your book so much, but I can’t afford to buy it. Please pick me to receive one of your books! I would be most gracious!

  24. You’re hilarious & have provided many laughs among my friends! Hoping to see you Thursday in KC.

  25. I live in Alberta which is like the Texas of Canada. There is a ton of taxidermy here. These are good reasons to pick me.

  26. I would love love love this! I almost bought the book today, but hemming and hawing over that vs e-book. Thought to myself – “what is the point of a hard copy, if it is not autographed?” Help me solve the dilemma once and for all please!

  27. No one got me your book for Christmas or my birthday so they all suck. If I don’t win a copy, I’m buying it anyways, so like, whatever. And like Kelaine, I live in Alberta but can only confirm good taxidermy at the Gopher Hole Museum. My daughter & I went when she was 3 & loved it.

  28. A signed copy of your book would be my most prized possession! All the way from sunny South Africa, we just LOVE YOU!

  29. Until I started reading your blog, I thought strange shit only happened to me, or that I was the only one who saw strange stuff at the mall or other places. The big difference is that I talk to myself, out loud, about these things when I see them, and you bring a friend. That, at least, makes you LOOK more normal.

    Listened on CD but would like an actual real live get your hands on it book!

  30. I ordered your book online last November and thought I’d misread the screen (or ballsed it up) when delivery said March. Yeah Right! Australia’s a long way but that’s ridiculous. But, sure enough, it didn’t turn up until last week. Now I know it was waiting for a reprint. Am very glad to have the shiny and new version. Worth the wait. And I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to be part of your tribe of groupies! So many like-minded gals (and guys). Feels goooooood! xx

  32. I NEEEEEEEED a copy, please please please!!! I spent all week last week reading your blog. At work. For reals, I made it to page 40. I have so much more to go but I laughed out loud a zillion times and ended the week feeling more proud of my weirdness and not giving a shit who thinks I’m weird. Thank YOU! It has been liberating!!! I heart you and your humor!!

  39. I would love an autographed copy to keep forever and ever. You are awesome.

  40. You totally need to bring your book tour to Key West!
    Meanwhile, I would love to win an autographed copy!!!

  41. Wow! I knew the book was popular, but I got a hand cramp scrolling down through all the comments. I would love to win your new book, so pick me! Pretty please!

  42. I need another copy. I mailed mine to my blind cousin to read because I couldn’t stand the thought of her going another minute without reading it. I tried to read it to her but I laughed so hard she couldn’t understand me. Also because I have Verizon “It’s the Network”, and I can’t get a signal so I kept hanging up on her so I mailed it to her so someone near could read it to her. Only no one has. I promise to try again to read it to her. Maybe would could Skype.

  46. i was there too!!! WAAAAY in the back. Great time, such a joy to meet you. You at least acted like you had the time and interest to talk to every single person. Way to go Jenny.

  48. I want one! I know…want in one hand and shit in the other, then see which one fills up faster.
    (But I do!)

  51. Have I ever told you that the two cats I’ve owned in my life apparently faked their deaths to go live together in your house? True story. Or at least I think it must be true since I don’t have my cats anymore and I’ve seen them in the pictures you post. A free book would really be a nice way to say I’m sorry for stealing your cats. By the way- I don’t need them back taxidermied.

  55. I think I know the girl in the blue striped shirt in the front row! I’d love a signed copy, because I idolize you!

  57. A book of my own would be great! I’ve exceeded the renewal limit of my library copy!

  59. I loved the book in hardcover and will love it even more in paperback ! I laughed so hard while reading it that I literally cried! I had to go and hide in the back room at work so my co- workers wouldn’t think I was crazy.

  64. I totally checked the book out at my local library, and it was so good. 😀 I would be over the moon to have a copy for my own! 🙂

  65. It was like reading my life story, except for not living in Texas, but totally with a dad who put reptiles in the freezer and let six year olds load shotgun shells

    Would love a signed copy from a sister from another mother… and father… and 15 years younger…

    Laughed all the way through. Bravo!

  66. I got it in my head that trying the paleo diet would be a good idea, and tonight I decided to make a big chicken salad. But when I taste-tested a piece of pan-fried chicken, one with just the right amount of crispiness, it stabbed the roof of my mouth. And it hurt. I immediately thought of you being legitimately assaulted by chicken. You are not alone, Jenny, those birds are dangerous. And as much as I would love a signed copy of your book and the chance to read the extra chapter, I really just wanted you to know you aren’t the only one who’s been hurt by chicken.

  67. Thanks Jenny for giving us anxiety ridden, lude, weirdos a reason to laugh again. You make me proud of who I am and I’m glad I don’t fit in. I would love a copy of the paperback because I forced a friend to read the hardcover and she refuses to return it now. I would appreciate it so much I would send you a gift in return, you have a Armadillo yet? Or being from Texas a horny toad? My aunt’s used to catch horny roads and dress them up, I feel like that’s in my blood. Just say the word I’ll get you one.

  68. Congratulations on your success, not imagined but actual for real freaking success! I drank the kool aid after stumbling on the infamous Beyonce the Big Metal Chicken on Pinterest….really don’t think I have ever laughed so hard for so long. Still go back to reread it whenever feeling blue or just annoyed with the world. My husband is a lot like Victor, there’s loads of eye rolling and snorts of disbelief coming from his general direction throughout my brilliant observations. I come from Texas, but live in South Africa now in a very small town near the Kruger National Park. It took forever to get my copy delivered from Amazon, but was SO worth the wait. You are simply awesome. I would love a signed copy! Pick me, hey?

  69. So two ducks walk in to a bar. The 1st says to the other “have you read that paperback book from that kookie dame, the Bloggess? The other duck said “Quack Quack MotherUcker”.

  70. You are my inspirations… I have vivid daydreams of having an all weekend zombie-fest with you, all the while regaling you with the highlights of my 40th zombie/fairy birthday party, all jazzed up with a jumpy castle FOR ADULTS ONLY, tiaras, and the greatest hits of the beastie boys. I think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and want you to be one of my pocket people (special people who I like to think would be perfect to carry around in my pocket and take out when I need to smile or laugh~)
    That, and I think t-rex jokes are funny, and I think you might appreciate them, as well.
    So glad you made it, girl!

  72. You know, even if the book just featured 200 pages of you exhorting Nathan Fillion to send you a picture holding string, I would love it. Well, okay, maybe you’d have to throw in the Beyonce story. But I think you’re a fabulous writer, and I continue to congratulate you on having written the book. You deserve all of the success that it has brought you and then some. Yay!

  73. Oh Jenny, I love you so much it is bordering on creepy. I read your book to my husband when he is trying to quietly read his own book in bed and I can’t even do a good job because I am laughing too hard. If you ever come to Toronto for a book tour I would want to come to a reading but then I would be riddled with social anxiety and not be able to come so I obviously need a signed copy sent to me so I don’t have to be nervous and neurotic in public. Is this contest even open to Canadians? I don’t care, I just wanted to say hello and that I love your book and I think you are brilliant.

  74. I missed you when you came to Seattle, mostly because my friend who lives in Alaska refused to fly down for your book signing.

    Since I missed the signing, I also missed buying the book. I actually kept thinking my Alaskan friend would send me a copy as an “I’m sorry I refused to shell out $400 for a flight to come to a 2 hour book signing” present. I’m still waiting for that one in the mail.

    So, if I win one, I will taunt her with it and perhaps be the bigger person and send it to her as an “I forgive you for being a brat” present.

  75. *waving hands in the air* Me, me, me! I’m too poor to buy one and the waiting list for the copy at the library is a mile long. And from what I’ve heard, deservingly so (the waiting list, that is!). Regardless, either way, I WILL read your book and look forward to it.

  76. My current odds of being randomly selected are .05% (1/2070). I’m feeling lucky! Love your book! Thanks for keeping me “sane.”

  77. OH how I’d love to give this to one of my friends for her birthday. She suffers from depression AND she needs the laffs. I have a copy (and NO I DIDN’T shoplift it!) I’m a proud owner and want to spread the joy. Please pick me JLaw! ~ Cathy in Shrewsbury, MA

  79. Am I too late to get in on this? Would love to get the book, and havent taken the time to get it yet…

  80. I’m sure I’m too late to get in on the giveaway but wanted to share my own embarrassing moment with the paperback version of your book.
    Last week, I was traveling from my home in Chicago to visit family. While waiting for my flight, I went to one of my two favorite places to kill time in the airport: the bookstore
    (The other favorite place is the bar but it was an early morning flight, and I couldn’t quite convince myself it was 5 o’clock somewhere).
    Your book was prominently displayed. I picked up copy after copy, flipping the cover open and skimming through the first few pages, eagerly looking for one you ninja signed when you were in town because I was totally going to buy it if I found a signed one. My boyfriend asked what I was doing, I explained. Then I stopped because it hit me: I was flying out of Chicago Midway. You flew through Chicago O’Hare. Face. Palm.
    It would have been less embarrassing if I’d gone to the bar…

  81. The implicit inspiration that you have granted me, obviously can’t be expressed. But, in short, you totally rock!

  85. Yes, please! I’d LOVE a signed (!) copy of your book (who wouldn’t? Nobody, that’s who!). And I promise I won’t be using it as a coaster or selling it on ebay. I’d have read it already, but my library still hasn’t gotten a copy of it (what the freak are they waiting for!). I’d buy it, but I have exactly zero dollars to my name.. negative dollars if I’m being totally honest. Okay, that’s enough over sharing. Thanks for being your truly awesome self, and letting us in on it!

  87. I just “discovered” you via a friend’s link of one of your blogs this a.m. I have had THE best morning laughing out loud by myself while perusing your blog site :). What therapy…. Thank you!

  88. OMG I loved your book (EBOOK)! When can we expect the sequel? I am so ready to laugh until I cry. Hopefully Victor can handle a second book.

  89. You are AMAZEBALLS!!!!! Who wouldn’t want a dose of your ass in their life? haha

  90. Hope it’s not too late – would love to have your john hancock..so to speak. That sounds really dirty.

  91. Oh, Jenny, I NEED an autographed copy of your book! B/c I discovered your blog at a time in my life about two years ago, when I was in so much emotional pain I thought I was going to lose my mind, and you definitely contributed to saving me. The first post I ever read was when you bought Beyonce the rooster (Knock knock, motherfucker), and I laughed for the first time in weeks. Then I pre-bought a copy of your book as soon as I could on Amazon and was planning to come see you to get it signed when you visited Houston, but my boss wouldn’t let me off work. Apparently meeting one of your heroes doesn’t count as an emergency. And that company should totally change their policy on what counts as an emergency. Also, I emailed you that picture of my taxidermied javelina head that hangs over my fireplace, and which I named Hugo. And I stood in the middle of Costco reading the extra chapter in your book while my fiance wandered up and down the aisle aimlessly, trying not to look terribly embarrassed as I doubled over in laughter. Then I bought it and gave it to a friend of mine, who I also happen to work for as a healthcare giver b/c she’s stuck in a wheelchair due to severe spinal problems. I knew it would cheer her up. And those are all the reasons why I need an autographed copy of your book.

  92. I am hoping I am not too late! I haven’t been keeping up lately, thanks to my non-internet life (I know, geez, why even have one?) 😉

  93. The reasons why I need an autographed copy of your book (if you’re still doing this):

    1. My birthday is in 11 days.
    2. My daughter’s birthday was yesterday, but this wouldn’t be for her because she wouldn’t appreciate it.
    3. You make me laugh.
    4. You make thousands (millions, even, maybe) of people laugh.
    5. I need to laugh.

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