Random Crap – Page 172

Texas is trying to kill us.

The last 24 hours have been weird and so I don’t have time to write a full post because I’m too busy building a basement to hide in so instead I’ll just share my tweets from last night: Not sure if that was a mountain lion or an enormous yellow lab chasing that deer butContinue reading “Texas is trying to kill us.”

WELCOME TO NEW CANADA, BITCHES.

So last night I couldn’t sleep so I became the President. Hang on. Let me share the events as they unfolded, live: [protected-iframe id=”c91383a2724db743ef5e757d0115ba32-58006636-1561224″ info=”//storify.com/TheBloggess/i-am-the-best-president-canada-has-ever-had/embed?header=false&border=false” width=”100%” height=”750″][View the story “I am the best President Canada has ever had.” on Storify] (I can’t figure out how to make the whole story appear here so you haveContinue reading “WELCOME TO NEW CANADA, BITCHES.”

You are fantastic and I would live under a bridge with you.

It’s been a rough week but if you’re reading this it means you’re still alive. Or that you have very good internet reception in the afterlife. Either way, this calls for a small celebration: It’s the small things, y’all. ******* And now, our weekly wrap-up. Buckle-up, Buttercup. Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE”Continue reading “You are fantastic and I would live under a bridge with you.”

Totes MaGoats

My friend Jeremy (Meddling with Nature) is full of awesome. He’s a taxidermist/artist/prop maker who works with roadkill/animals who died of natural causes and who sends me wonderful emails that include lines like “Today my biggest challenge is making a zombie dog that can vomit a gallon of fake blood.” He made me Rory (the ecstatic raccoon who is onContinue reading “Totes MaGoats”

All I want for Mother’s Day is Herbert and his two front teeth.

me: For Mother’s Day this year I want this teddy bear. Or rabbit, maybe? It has teeth and it’s adorable. Victor: I…don’t think I want that in the house. me: It’s tiny and under $40. Plus, I’m pretty sure you can’t say no to me on Mother’s Day. I made a human out of my body.Continue reading “All I want for Mother’s Day is Herbert and his two front teeth.”

FURIOUSLY HAPPY TOUR

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT, Y’ALL! I’M TURNING INTO A BADGER. Wait. No. That’s not it. I’m coming to your town to sign your books. ALL OF YOUR BOOKS! And your babies. Whatever does it for you. Put a blanket (or a load of warm cats) on your sofa because I’m on the way to see you. Or IContinue reading “FURIOUSLY HAPPY TOUR”