rants – Page 8 – The Bloggess

It’s like we’re living on the Oregon Trail except none of us has dysentery yet

Yesterday Hailey’s preschool called to tell me that she had a rash on her stomach and back so I picked her up and I figured it was probably just a reaction from new detergent but I thought I’d run her by the Readi-Clinic just in case because it was on the way home and alsoContinue reading “It’s like we’re living on the Oregon Trail except none of us has dysentery yet”

Saving the world is hard, y’all

I know this might come as a shock to some of you but last night I had a revelation and it will change the way I write. I was outside contemplating the sunset when I realized the pure perfection of the world and my place in it. That’s why starting today I will no longer be usingContinue reading “Saving the world is hard, y’all”

Or maybe you just shouldn’t do whatever the bathroom wall tells you to do.

So I was in the bathroom at Taco Cabana and someone had written “LIVE EVERY DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST” on the wall of the stall which is really horrible advice because if it was really my last day on earth I’d spend that day calling all the people who have wronged me to tell them they’re assholes. But then you’d wake up theContinue reading “Or maybe you just shouldn’t do whatever the bathroom wall tells you to do.”

An open letter to Apple regarding dead hobo fingers

Dear Apple: My iPhone is very pretty but also totally useless because it thinks I’m dead. I assume it was designed to only recognize live human touch on the touchscreen but I guess my hands are too cold and so my phone rings and I desperately try to answer it but 80% of the time it won’t work at all and I start screaming atContinue reading “An open letter to Apple regarding dead hobo fingers”

How not to market to pretty much anybody

So I was going through my email and found this spam… …which looks innocent enough until you highlight the body and that’s when I discovered it was actually an invisible, secret code… More specifically? It’s an invisible, secret code calling me an “asshead”. Repeatedly. Awesome. It’s like the Da Vinci Code. Except, way more insulting. And also? Why exactly am I still getting billionsContinue reading “How not to market to pretty much anybody”

This is the third post I’ve written today and I want a medal (alternate title – How to deal with trolls)

Yesterday someone asked me how to deal with trolls and haters. I have no damn idea. Trolls are just like you and me. Only shittier. Or more honest. Or likely to murder gypsies. Fuck, I don’t know. I’m not a mind reader. I don’t know the motivation of everyone reading your blog but what I do know is that in realContinue reading “This is the third post I’ve written today and I want a medal (alternate title – How to deal with trolls)”