terrible titles – Page 7

UPDATED Please read this unless you are blind. (Because blind people can’t see fat or pregnant people so it’s not applicable, not because I’m against blind people. I love blind people and totally want them to read my blog. Or have someone else read it to them, I guess? I don’t know how blind stuff works. I’ll stop now.)

Today at work a woman passed me in the hall and asked me if I’d had a boy or a girl. I had a girl. Four years ago. And she was all “Oh. I just had you confused with that other girl in your department.” No one in my department has ever been pregnant. Awesome. Moral: YouContinue reading “*UPDATED* Please read this unless you are blind. (Because blind people can’t see fat or pregnant people so it’s not applicable, not because I’m against blind people. I love blind people and totally want them to read my blog. Or have someone else read it to them, I guess? I don’t know how blind stuff works. I’ll stop now.)”

A lesson to marketers about the importance of reading the blogs they pitch to but who probably won’t read this because they don’t read the blogs they pitch to

The following is an email thread between a marketer and myself and I swear to God it is totally true and not made up at all. That’s why it’s so fucking funny. To me. Probably not to Pete or anyone else in the world. Also, for anyone new here, I do not own a lawn service,Continue reading “A lesson to marketers about the importance of reading the blogs they pitch to but who probably won’t read this because they don’t read the blogs they pitch to”

UPDATED: Enough about my sweet dead friend. Let’s get back to me.

In honor of Terry’s wishes that I celebrate her passing with laughter instead of sorrow I’m posting something only slightly more depressing. I’ve officially been published. It’s the first time ever I’ve ended up in something hard-copy unless you count that time when my vagina was mentioned in Barstool Magazine, which I don’t unless I’m drunkContinue reading “UPDATED: Enough about my sweet dead friend. Let’s get back to me.”

UPDATED: By the time you read this I will be addicted to Meth

So yesterday I left my doctor a teary message begging her for something stronger than the rheumatoid arthritis meds that are not working for me at all and I happened to mention that I read a study about medicinal marijuana helping and then right after that my pharmacy called and said they had “something” forContinue reading “UPDATED: By the time you read this I will be addicted to Meth”

My web host wants my blog to fail, homeless people to die

My blog broke again today so I called the web host guys and the IT guy was all “What’s wrong?” and I’m like “Shit’s fucked up, dude” and I explained that it said I had 76 comments on my last post but that you can’t see any of them and he’s all “Huh.” And I’mContinue reading “My web host wants my blog to fail, homeless people to die”

This post is not about fisting

So apparently the post I wrote today was too offensive for some of my loyal readers so I’m putting this post up in front of it so you can have time to decide if you really want to see the real post I wrote today or if you’d rather just look at this post which is, in fact, aContinue reading “This post is not about fisting”