why the terrorists hate us – Page 2

Sue me. I’m awesome.

So this weekend I leave for Japan. “Why?” you ask? Because it’s there. And also because I got drunk one night and Victor asked me if I’d go to Japan with him and apparently I said yes. This is what happens when you get drunk around Victor. You wake up in the morning and needContinue reading “Sue me. I’m awesome.”

Yesterday would have been more exciting if I got paid according to traffic.

This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t an asshole): Twilight: The dild0 This week on the internets: The Bloggess Army opened up. I don’t run it, or write it, or even have access to it. It was created by the self-named Bloggess Army who madeContinue reading “Yesterday would have been more exciting if I got paid according to traffic.”

How to not get fired for social networking.

So according to Mashable, “45% of Employers Now Screen Social Media Profiles” and people are totally freaking out about it. Easy solution: Make up a profile for your boss on Facebook. And make him a furry. And update his status with stuff like “You know who I don’t trust? The Koreans”, and “I often dreamContinue reading “How to not get fired for social networking.”

25 things about twitter that are pissing me off

People who are making me mad: 1. People who have their twitter account marked private because they don’t want people to read it. YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET. Also, what you’re drinking at Starbucks is not national security. It makes me want to create a page for my cat and make it private because it’sContinue reading “25 things about twitter that are pissing me off”

Boobs are the new flag pin

So this year I forgot to wear green on St. Patrick’s day and totally fucked up Rodeo Day (which is a real holiday in Texas and stop judging us, Canada) but I am totally prepared for today which is apparently NATIONAL CLEAVAGE DAY. UPDATE: Apparently I am the only person in my office even aware of NationalContinue reading “Boobs are the new flag pin”

Saving the world is hard, y’all

I know this might come as a shock to some of you but last night I had a revelation and it will change the way I write. I was outside contemplating the sunset when I realized the pure perfection of the world and my place in it. That’s why starting today I will no longer be usingContinue reading “Saving the world is hard, y’all”