why the terrorists hate us – Page 3

But if we did have an acronym it would probably just be a big “L”. Except we’re too affected to push the shift button so it would be lower-case and everyone would think it was a capital I. This is the tragedy of that disease.

I found this site where you choose the characters and type in your script and make them have completely inappropriate conversations and I cannot stop myself from making these movies. [protected-iframe id=”40806264b04d5a71f97323a94328a972-58006636-3982706″ info=”http://www.xtranormal.com/players/jwplayer.swf” width=”500″ height=”350″] You know how long I’ve been working on that movie? Four and a half days. Update: Wait. No. It’s only been 35 minutesContinue reading “But if we did have an acronym it would probably just be a big “L”. Except we’re too affected to push the shift button so it would be lower-case and everyone would think it was a capital I. This is the tragedy of that disease.”

I blame the Pope

So the other day I was talking to my friend Christine and I told her she should stop reading my blog this week because I was about to take down the Pope and she’s all “Honestly, you make me hurt inside. Please leave my Pope alone” and I’m all “Well he fucking started it” and Christine was allContinue reading “I blame the Pope”

The ASPCA doesn’t care if your dog is awesome or not.

So lately my rheumatoid arthritis has spread into my feet, making it almost impossible to walk and Victor felt so sorry for me that he decided to get me a puppy, which is a lot like giving a piano to someone who is only a torso but WHO CARES BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING PUPPY!Continue reading “The ASPCA doesn’t care if your dog is awesome or not.”

I just need a name for my hookers. Like something about loving “sea men” but classy, you know?

The other day I was thinking that if I was a prostitute I would totally join the navy because first of all: free room and board, and secondly: captive audience because those Navy guys couldn’t leave the ship to buy stuff and so they’d have all this extra cash. Plus, no police on board. But then myContinue reading “I just need a name for my hookers. Like something about loving “sea men” but classy, you know?”

I bet the trainee ninjas totally practice on the white people first.

My husband, Victor, calling me from Japan: Me: So have you seen any ninjas yet? Victor: Yeah. I saw one in my bathroom yesterday. Me: Fucking amateur. Victor: I hit him in the nose with one of those things you use to put your shoe on. Me: A shoe-horn? Victor: No, one of those longContinue reading “I bet the trainee ninjas totally practice on the white people first.”

Oh, milk. You kinda fucked this one up.

This is the part where I would assure you people that this is an unretouched photo that I actually took from my car window but I don’t know that it’s even necessary to clarify that, simply because it’s not possible for me to get high enough to come up with something this fucked up. I’m not really sure what the message is here. I’mContinue reading “Oh, milk. You kinda fucked this one up.”