The ASPCA doesn’t care if your dog is awesome or not.

So lately my rheumatoid arthritis has spread into my feet, making it almost impossible to walk and Victor felt so sorry for me that he decided to get me a puppy, which is a lot like giving a piano to someone who is only a torso but WHO CARES BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING PUPPY!

His name is _____________.

This is where I’ve been sitting for the last 6 hours because none of us can agree on a name so now we’re just calling him different names all the time, waiting for one to stick. The top contenders so far:

Mr. Pickles
Snugglepants the Death Bringer
Knuckles McGee

I have to get a name quick though because I need to know what to call him when I take him to the vet because last time we took the cat to the vet they accidentally declawed her and I was all “The fuck?” and they were all “Oh.  We thought that’s what you wanted” but it wasn’t and I had to pay anyway but they said I could have a credit so I’m going to use the credit to have the dog declawed because now neither of the cats have claws so it only seems right to level the playing field.  But then when I called the vet they were all “Uh.  We don’t de-claw dogs” and I was like “Well that seems kind of racist” and then there was this big pause probably because she was thinking “Yeah.  That totally is kinda racist”.  Then we got disconnected.  So I’m just going to take him up there and ask them in person.  And if they refuse to declaw him I’ll just have his ears pierced instead.

UPDATE:  Our ASPCA doesn’t even have ear piercing equipment, y’all.  What, do we live in the ghetto? So then I asked how old dogs have to be before they can start getting tattoos and the receptionist was all “WE DON’T GIVE DOGS TATTOOS“. And I was all “LIKE I’D EVEN LET YOU GIVE MY DOG A TATTOO, LADY”. And then we had to leave because Mr. Pickles was getting nervous from all the shouting. I mean, honestly, these are the same people who accidentally declawed my cat. You think I’m going to trust them to tattoo my dog? We’ll go to a professional for that, thankyouverymuch. The last thing I want is Truman ending up with some prison tattoo from the ASPCA.

PS.  I called the tattoo parlor and they were all “Huh?”  Honestly, I’m getting the worst customer service ever.  So I made a mock-up of how I want Alfie to look and I’m emailing it to them because maybe they just can’t appreciate how kick-ass this dog is going to look when he’s done.

And the answer to your question is “Yes. Yes, he is the luckiest dog ever.”

Comment of the day: You need to name him “My Vagina” that way you can call the vet and say things like “there’s something wrong with My Vagina” or “My Vagina just swallowed a shoe, is that dangerous?” ~ Anissa@hope4peyton

380 thoughts on “The ASPCA doesn’t care if your dog is awesome or not.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Are those dreidels on his earrings? Like it’s not enough that he’s pierced and tattooed, he’s Jewish now? Does the vet do circumcisions?
    Hey… Dreidel. Maybe that’s a good name.

  2. Dude, Hanukkah is OVER! If you really love TacObama, you will start prepping him for Valentine’s Day with some Cupid earrings. Please.

  3. I have a dog named Oliver once and he was AWFUL – always ran away and then we would have neighbors calling us. Then one day he ran away and nobody called. And he never came back. 🙁 BAD dog name that dogs don’t seem to want to listen to.

    I like Barnaby.

    Erica’s last blog post..Bus Strike Adventures

  4. I suck at naming pets so good luck with that! The two pets I have that I named both have cheese for names (Colby and Gouda, the other two were luckily named by other people) but only the second cheese was intentional.

    On the other hand, Gouda’s odd name seems to help everyone at the vet’s office remember him! (Or maybe it’s just the 500 times we had to take him to the vet last year. That may have had something to do with it.)

    Erin’s last blog post..Surprise, We’re having Pork Chops for Dinner

  5. A few name suggestions…

    Mr. Dead Hobo Fingers
    Amy Sedaris

    But actually I like the name you gave him in that second photo best: Mockup.

  6. I suggest Avenge Me! (complete with the exclamation point!), so it will sound awesome when you step outside and yell for him to come home, but your neighbors, hearing “AVENGE MEEEEEEEEE!” will be all, “Um, ok, what do we have to do?”

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..a tiny tits list

  7. I say Mr. Bigglesworth. But I name everything that. And clearly your sweet puppy is planning something.

    Ariel’s last blog post..Quiet

  8. In my family we always try to get everyone to name their child/dog/pit viper/husband ‘Harley Otis’. No one ever does. Go figure. Just make sure whatever you name him sounds really cool when you are yelling it down the street when the little f@#ker won’t come to you… cause you won’t be able to hear him coming now that he has no toenails clicking on the sidewalk. Stealth. There’s a name.

  9. Congrats on the new pup! I like Knuckles McGee – it’s a a “don’t mess with me” vibe. Although he does have a certain Mr. Pickles aura…

  10. Well, since he’s a Jewish dog, if you name him Dreidel, then you can call him Dr. Dre! Although he’ll probably be mighty conflicted having tattoos and being Jewish and all.

  11. I looked at all the pug rescue places but all those dogs either had aggression problems or massive health issues so instead we found a lady down the street whose pug had puppies. He’s the runt but at least he has all of his legs.

  12. @ Jamie you can’t go around calling a dog D.B. for short, because people will think she is referring to him as a Douche Bag and well… actually that would make sense for her to do something like that.

    never mind.

    Ryan’s last blog post..Run-Run-Run, Fun- Fun-Fun

  13. I like Snugglepants DB. Eventually he will be just “DB”. I have a cat who ended up with about six names because he has multiple personality disorder – we usually refer to him as “Evil One”.

  14. I. Am. In. LOVE.

    I demand to meet Mr. Alfie Snugglepants Pickleface as soon as possible so that I can photograph him and squoosh his face and kiss his fat puppy belleh.


  15. I vote for Mr. Pickles — as in “Mr. Pickles, I’ve got some Snausages for you.” — if you haven’t decided.

    Meryl’s last blog post..Tomorrow

  16. Well, since it looks like you pierced his ears with Dradle earrings.. Perhaps you could name him Dradle.

    “I have a litle dradle
    I made it out of clay
    and when it’s dry and ready
    with dradle I shall play
    O, dradle dradle dradle I made you out of clay
    dradle dradle dradle with dradle I shall play”

  17. Congratulations on the pup.

    I can’t help you with the name, since I don’t know the dog. Names must match personalities. But I can tell you that we almost named one of our pugs Bilbo (pugs looks a bit like how I always imagined hobbits would look – before the movies came out), but we were afraid when we called his name outside, people would mistake it for Dildo. We ended up calling him Frodo instead. One Baggins is as good as the next, right?

  18. I vote for Snugglepants the Death Bringer.

    Or something long and pretentious sounding like “The honourable captain Truman Oliver of ____ street”. Then you could call him essentially anything for short.

    Elle Bee’s last blog post.."Duh" story of the day

  19. Grifty McNuggets.
    Mr Whiskers.
    The Baller.
    Ballsy Magee.
    The Sperminator.

    Yeah, basically anything involving testicles.

  20. My cat’s name is Oliver, so that’s taken. If you’re going to go I-am-Spartacus, you’ll need to be ABSOLUTELY SURE that he’ll be equipped for and amenable to starring in homoerotic epic films (you don’t want him to become a laughing stock and develop a complex if he can’t live up to his name, do you?).

    Truman’s good.

    slag’s last blog post..Unexpected Consequences

  21. i think he should be named “joaquin” and he should have “bye” tattooed on one paw and “good” on the other.

  22. My dog is named Chickenbone, and we often just call him Chickens for short. My mom was so horrified that we “did this to him” that we decided the next one would be Hambone, aka Hammy. You just watch, I will so do it.

    Amy’s last blog post..A real trooper

  23. Pugs are my favorite breed. They are all googley eyed and snorty. Plus they are so wiggly. Once I called a breeder about their pug puppies and asked if she had very wiggly puppies. She didn’t answer; instead she told me her puppies were a kajillionity dollars.

    Oh and to be au currant and true to his breed, I suggest calling him Google.

    Robin’s last blog post..Markel Farkel Friday

  24. Judging by the dreidel earrings he must be Jewish. So why not give him a Yiddish name? If he’s not the smartest puppy in the kennel, “shmendrik” is a good choice. If he’s a good dog, he can be “Gittel.” I hope that in the next picture you post of him, the puppy is sporting a beard and hat in true Hasidic Jew fashion!

    M.J.’s last blog post..Goals for the New Year

  25. You always have too many comments. By the time I read them all to make sure someone didn’t already say what I want to say, then I’ve forgotten what I was going to say, and if there’s like, a LOT of comments, I’ve forgotten the post.

    I bet someone above me already said this. I didn’t read them all today.

    RhodesTer’s last blog post..Targeting the snackbar – revisited

  26. First, with that face, ET should be the name of the dog.

    As to the arthritis, have you looked in to Enbril injections? Works wonders. But you better have the govt or insurance paying for it. Very, very, very expensive.

  27. I think I’m going to second Dr. Dreidel.

    I’m also going to second the cheese names. Only I’d go with Stilton, because it’s SO GOOD dipped in reduced port wine sauce. Not that pugs share that quality. I’m vegetarian, I wouldn’t know.

  28. It doesn’t really matter what you name her, you can always change it later. We named our dog Gunnar at first but then we realized that was like the worst name ever so we renamed him Paul but then my husband’s dentist was named Paul and he bad associations after a root canal gone wrong so we renamed him Speedy Gonzalez but people kept asking us if it was drug-related and then we renamed him Big Lou because he’s little and I enjoy irony. And since I like irony so much now I’m thinking we should name him Irony but I think that might be a hard sell with the husband because he doesn’t get the Irony of the name Irony.

    So what I’m trying to say is, name changes are no big deal. Our dog Irony has adjusted really well. Sure, he’s a little confused most of the time but I think that’s just because he’s Stupid. Which will probably be his next name.

  29. I’m starting to kind of hate you. I’ve had rheumatoid arthritis for like 10 years and I’ve only inherited hand-me-down dogs that are complete assholes and don’t listen to a thing I say. No one has given ME a puggypuppy.

    One of my dogs (the third worst out of three) is named Oliver. If you use his name and your dog turns out better than mine I will never forgive you.

    Jen’s last blog post..Foto Friday

  30. I love little Yoshi!! (yeah, that’s his name, didn’t you know that) Although, what’s up with the two eyes. I thought you knew one-eyed pugs were the business. I mean, mine is more like a 1.5 eyed pug (yep, it’s possible) but that just makes him even cooler. So, please tell Yoshi to step his pug eye game up. Thanks!

    Victoria’s last blog post..Lessons Learned: The AJC Edition

  31. Since when do dreidels have six sides? I guess I should tell my Jewish friends to patch and reboot their religion.

    Don’t you hate having to reboot for those tiny upgrades?

  32. I’m just wondering about that ad in the sidebar that says, Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.

    I bet we can’t BLOG drunk either. Or comment drunk before noon.

    Life is sad.

    And you could so write a better ad than that. Call the ad council and see if they’ll feature TacoBama in a new ad.

    V-Grrrl’s last blog post..All That Time

  33. Oh, I agree with Chipotle! Then they would totally have to advertise on your blog!

  34. We always pick literary names for our pets. I would vote for:


    Whatever you pick, he’s an adorable pug. Congratulations!

  35. I say you combine two and call him Truman the Deathbringer. A tribute to one of the top three best presidents of all time, who, let it not be forgotten, is the only person in the word to authorize the use of NOT ONE, but TWO atomic bombs.

    Also, I am getting a dog today, too, so it’s a doggy happy day for the both of us.

    El Santo’s last blog post..The Webcomic Overlook #63: Brawl In The Family

  36. I like the following names, but it’s not my fucking dog:

    Piso Mojado (wet floor in Spanish, I think. It’s on all those yellow signs when the floor is wet)

    Fitty – He could use some street cred

    Garras or Las Garras – It means claw or the claws in Espanol. You could call him spleef garras which meand the pot smoking claw but kinda sounds like Leif Garrett

    I also think either Jack Lord or Lloyd Bridges would be cool

  37. I vote for Truman or Barnaby. I wouldn’t go with “Chester” though, because if you want your dog to get famous on the internet (like some people want their dogs to do) there is already a SUPER famous Chester Dee, who is also a pug.

    Also he is super fat, and if you name your pug Chester, you better hope that he doesn’t get super fat, because then at least people could say “Well, I was looking at pictures of Chester…Skinny Chester.”

    You know. That sort of thing.

    Here is a picture of the pre-existing Chester:

    Here is how he is famous:
    (among a lot of other drawings about him)

  38. I have a pug named Pants. You should see the looks I get from neighbors when I call for him, as in “Pants! Where’s mommy’s Pants!?”

    I nominate “walleye” since he seems to have a touch of it..

  39. I think you should name him Ambien or Lunesta. Cuz Pugs snore. A lot. Or Chuck. Then when you call him, people will be all “Oh, Wow, she is totally calling God right now”. If not, then I vote for Mr. Pickles.

  40. I think you need to talk to the guy that does the cows’ ears. I’ll bet he can hook you up.

    That dog looks him smuggy.

    that girl’s last blog post..

  41. Okay, this is not a funny name, but I think it’s totally cute: Po-Po. Plus, since he’s a pug, he would be Po-Po the pug, which is all alliterative and fun to say.

    Or, Cutie McCuterson.

  42. Aren’t pugs those enchanting little doggies with bladders the size of a pea that just piddle all over the place because everything literally just goes straight through them? Fantastic! Good thing you’re crippled so everybody ELSE can clean it up!!! Well played, Ms. Bloggess, yes, very well played!

  43. See? You should have adopted a greyhound instead. They come with their ears ALREADY tattooed! (no kidding!)

    My hounds are the coolest ever.

    And I think Tacobama is the perfect name for an adorable little puglet.

  44. My vote’s for Minion. You can call him Min for short!

    I had to name both my dogs after comic book heroes as a compromise with my husband. We have Logan (Wolverine) and Steve (Steve Rogers, Captain America). But they’ve ended up with about 157 alternate names, my favorites being King Arfer (logan) and Sir Paddington (steve).

    Sensitiva McFeelingsly’s last blog post..Promises and Chiropractic Hijinks!

  45. I’m pretty sure the most reasonable name you could give this dog is, “Will Be Lucky to Survive Long Enough to Achieve Full Grown Status”. I realize it’s kind of long, but strange long names are all the rage with celebrities, and if your dog is going to be pierced, he might as well aspire to be a Hilton. In which case, he should get one of those trendy “white” tattoos, which isn’t racist because it means the ink is white, not the person getting the tattoo. Plus, your dog looks like a home boy.

    Cat’s last blog post..Gray is Old and I Think it’s Awesome

  46. I would have suggested Festivus and Fester for short, but your dog seems to have decided to become a chosen one. Oy. Name him Oy. It’s what I scream out in frustration all the time.

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..HASAY: Weak Week

  47. I’m thinking you should tattoo ‘I love mom’ on his belly, and maybe get him a nose ring, that way you can lead him around like a bull and you can dress in a cape and a sombrero when you walk him.

    (Not really sure if that is how you spell sombrero but whatever, you know what I mean right?)

    mariah’s last blog post..I Need Weed

  48. I named my dog Frodrick Frankenstein (but you have to pronounce “Frow-drick Fronkenshteen” like Igor does in “Young Frankenstein”), but we call him Frank for short. I’m a big fan of long, rediculous names that you only use when they’re in trouble (or to confuse the vet – seriously, there’s nothing quite like hearing the little 16-year-old vet’s assistant calling someone to bring “Frowdrick Fronkenshteen to the front desk” while looking painfully confused). Don’t believe me? My cat’s name is Asparagus, but I call him “Gus” for short. How awesome is that?

    Kate’s last blog post..Bagel, I expected more from you.

  49. My dogs name is Inspector Angus.
    Are those dradels or however you spell it.
    And how are you going to walk a dog with bunked up feet?

  50. Our neighbor has a dog that looks just like that and his name is Brutus. I think you should name your dog Brutus.

    And yes, you can get tattoos on dogs. I know because one of my dogs had one. It would have been pretty kick ass if it hadn’t just been a couple of numbers on her ear. Now that I think about it, it sort of made her look like a concentration camp survivor. Also, we were living in Germany at the time so …… yeah.

    Jen @problem girl’s last blog post..You’re gonna love my nuts

  51. Welcome to the pug club! It’s full of rotten ass farts and loud ass snoring. Which despite what you may think, is the best place in the world to be!

    I vote you name him: Mr. Bigglesworth the Nuclear Ass.

    Sarah’s last blog post..That’s What She Said

  52. As the owner of 2 pugs myself, I say congratulations. Pugs rock. I like the name Winston. Then you can tell everyone you named him after the first pack of smokes you tried in 4th grade.

  53. are those dradle earrings?
    Is your dog jewish?
    And if he is: did he get circumcised?

    are you having a brisk…is that how you spell it?

    Don’t you work for a Christian organization? Are you making Barnaby a Jew for Jesus maybe?

    SO many questions….

    great mental image of that Snugglepants the Death Bringer as a hasidic jew

    ktothett’s last blog post..Putting It Out There

  54. My dad gave my mom a dog and they named him Chester HoneyHugger.

    Your peeps have such great name suggestions… now I want to get another dog just to use one of them. My current dog’s name: Mr. Right.

  55. Truman and Chester are both good ones. For some reason pugs seem to suit cranky old man names.

    My husband and I are totally going to get a pug (once we move to Burlington, please god let it be soon) and name it Louis-Phillippe and make him wear a beret and scarf to give him a gallic air.

  56. I just found your blog and I have been laughing my ass off at work ALL morning. I have to tell you that I’ve snatched a line from your post about Disney to use as my email signature.

    “Everything in Disney World is shaped like Mickey Mouse’s head. Sandwiches, plates, pancakes. I was honestly afraid to ask for a tampon. – Bloggress”

    (Damn, I just realized the chocolate mint truffles in my suit pocket have melted.)

  57. My friend has a cat named Beavis. I only bring this up because Beavis’ face is smushed in just like your puppy’s. Maybe you could name him Butthead and the two of them could get an act together and go out on the road.

  58. What happened was I send my cat there to get fixed (not declawed because I heard they cut off your cat’s knuckles) but then they called my husband and was all “If you ever plan to have this cat declawed you should do it now because it’s dangerous to put it under the anesthesia more than once” so he was all “DO IT!” and then when the cat came home it had little feety bandages and I was all “They removed her ovaries through her feet?!” and Victor was all “No, I had them declaw her because I didn’t want her to die later” and then I explained about the knuckle thing and he was all “Really? Because she looks fine to me” and then when we took off the bandages her knuckles were still there, which was weird. Maybe I don’t know what cat knuckles look like. So anyway I guess it was more like my husband accidentally declawed her but he only did it on the vets urging so I blame them because Victor gets enough blame for everything else.

  59. I just read an article of strangest dogs names for 2008 and my fav was Spatula. So that’s my suggestion. Or maybe Whisk…or Waffle Iron. But you don’t have to stick to kitchen items. OH, you should totally lay out a bunch of random household items on the ground and the first one he pees on can be his name.

  60. My vote is for Mr. Pickles. Or maybe Snugglepants the Death Bringer. But then you have to come up with a nickname because it’s so damn long. Maybe Death, for short? That would easily get you a few looks when you shout it at the dog park.

    When I get a dog, I’m going for the two-for-one deal. I want to get a super giant one and call him Johnny Tutankhamun (“Tut” for short) and an itty bitty tiny fatty and call him Biggie Smalls.

    You can borrow my names, I suppose, if you like them. They’re pretty damn awesome.

  61. I say name him Butch or something else really masculine so he feels big and intimidating, even though he has his ears pierced. And then tattoo him with I Love the Bloggess and you have a walking, pooping billboard for your blog.

    Just a suggestion.

    Petra’s last blog post..The Spin on Guilt: Me, Guilty?

  62. Maury. (Don’t you think Maury Povitch looks a little like a pug??) Maybe I need glasses. Then you could dress him in little plaid golf pants, which would totally set off the earrings – like Travis Barker. Ooooh!

    Vic’s last blog post..Hard to Handel

  63. I vote for Ass, as in Holy Freakin’ Shit That Dog’s Face Looks Like Dirty Ass!!! And not in a good way.

    On a slightly different note (but not really), I find Pugs to be, um, a slightly unattractive breed of dogs. Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s the ugliness that makes them so adorable, blah, blah, blah. Also, as a breed, they are chock full of health issues – nasal problems, skin problems, chronic farting, etc. I guess it’ll make for good blogging, though, so I’m not complaining!

    My second choice is Snugglepants the Death Bringer or, possible, Marty Feldman.

  64. Don’t you let them tell you a dog can’t get a tatoo. . . my dog has one. It’s right next to her cooter and is supposed to let everyone know that her equipment is gone. We call it her tramp stamp. Fight the power.

  65. See, this is why cats are better than dogs. No one ever objected to piercing or tattoing my cat. The ASPCA can be so unreasonable. Can you do it yourself? Maybe with hypodermic needles and a waffle iron? I’m sure it would be just fine.

    As to the name, why not call him “Mr. Bitch”? It works on so many levels … only, maybe not appropriate for the kid. So yeah … I guess if you’re particular about that sort of thing, go with Chester. He looks like a Chester. Chester Field. Awesome.

    Momma Trish’s last blog post..It’s in his kiss

  66. How about Splat? Pugs always look they just made a ‘splat’ sound. Plus his paws would make that sound when you get him declawed… It’s a win-win, besides C.S. for Cheney Snack is too obvious.

  67. My brother got a black pug recently and they are the best dogs ever. If I had some name suggestions they would be:

    Lord Puggington
    Mordecai (since he’s Jewish)

    You should totally get him some little curly sideburns and a hat =D

    Aaron’s last blog post..Home Games

  68. Ok so first off – LOVE your blog. By far one of the highlights of my day! Second – I vote Alfie or Mr. Pickles. Hands down the best of the options. Or you could call him Shithead! Just a thought.. 🙂

    sarah’s last blog post..a fresh start

  69. OMG, people! You can’t give a Jewish dog Snausages!!

    I think you should add a little Yiddish flair in the name.
    Mr. BUBBALA Pickles.
    Knuckles FERSHTINKINER McGhee*

    *Then that would make him Gangster-German/Jewish-Scottish. That might be hard to live up to.

  70. You could use the vet credit to have his face smushed in even more so he will be EVEN CUTER.

  71. Pugs are my FAVORITE dog!! I had one once and named him Brit. I was working at a club as a stripper and instead of using my real name I used Brit so when I got my pup that is what I named him. No idea why.

  72. As I was sitting here reading this, I had an obese pug right next to me snotting on my pants leg & snorting in jealousy at Mr. Bojangles & his awesome bod-mods. His name is Kaiser, & I think that’s the best name ever for a pug. Except for Napoleon. Or maybe Bonaparte. Good luck!

  73. Adding we hardly called him Brit. It was either
    Fatty Boombalatty (which was accompanied by a song! Yay!)
    and many others I have sadly forgotten.

  74. I nearly had a heart attack over #15 – that is funny shi*.

    How about Mr. Mugglesworth? Just take his face in your hands and scrunch it up a little more than it already is – you’ll totally see why :).

    The suggestion for Minion was also good.

  75. I think you should call him Henchman Squishyface McSnugglebutt because he totally would have voted for you if he had opposable declawed thumbs.

  76. Wow, I just re-read my comment and it sounds like I hate Pugs. I don’t. I love all breeds of dogs (mostly) – even the ugly ones. WAIT! THAT’S IT!

    Name him PUGLY!!!

  77. Because you don’t have enough suggestions already, I suggest Rabbi – b/c the dreidel earrings MAKE the dog.

  78. Since he’s Jewish, I would say Morty,

    Something a little more fat puppy cute, “Morty Chubby Bunny”, “Morty Snuggle Puppy”, “Morty Boo Boo Face” and so on. Oh and say in the tone people use when talking to a baby.

    I have a Rooster named Robert “Bob” Rooster. He has Cerebral Palsy and I have to carry him everywhere.

  79. he is so cute! we are looking at getting a pug too. i looked at the pug rescue places just last week. i wasn’t prepared for the health problems either. and my kids really want a puppy. we have never had a dog so they think we have to start with a baby one. i’m ok with that. does your neighbor have any left? since i am now in houston that would work for me!

  80. Have you considered Bugsy…as in Bugsy Siegl? If he is going to be a Jewish dog with driedl earrings…he is going to need a tough name. There is even a song
    “O 2pac’s 1996 song 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted, Snoop Dogg references Siegel with the lyrics “my dream is to own a fly casino like Bugsy Siegel, and do it all legal”

    AmberStar’s last blog post..Tuff kitty

  81. I say name him aftr the oldest man I know–well, he’s dead now…

    Lemontine Cahouth “L.C.” for short. He was supposedly very cute–and very grouchy. My great-great Grandfather.

    Tho, Ollie (Oliver) is quite fetching.

    He’s adorable–may he help you forget all your pain.

  82. Your SPCA declaws cats? Here if they find out that you own a declawed cat, they won’t let you adopt. Instead they put your name and cell number on a billboard under the banner: “Guilty of TORTURE.” Not quite, but almost. There was even an article in the paper about it.

    Jodi’s last blog post..The Revolution Will Be Televised

  83. You should name him Phyllis. It’s kind of dirty but sophisticated, like your blog. 🙂

  84. Oh, and my grandparents used to breed pugs. They gave their dogs creative names like “Bully” and “Ginger.” Truman is way better. If I ever get another cat (which must be preceeded by a divorce, so sayeth the spouse), I’m going to name it Nudge. Not that you needed to know that, but if you want to use that name I’m OK with it because apparently I have to wait for my husband to die before I can get another cat.

  85. So there is already a pug named Truman… and another named Kennedy. We had to do the whole democratic presidential thing… I will say if he is a little tubby… it is totally a fitting name.

  86. Not being to walk well due to your ailments you need to teach him to do his duites close to your vacinity, therefore, I suggest the name ‘COME CLOSE’.

  87. Another idea…

    If you wanted to screw with people’s minds (and if it’s not already, that should be your blog’s mission statement), you should call him Miss Kitty. Then people would be all like but it’s a boy. And it’s a dog. And you can reply, “His name is Miss Kitty bitch!”

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Two for the Price of One Book Review

  88. Our dog is Vinnie but we call him Vinnie the Chin or mostly refer to him as Wolfie (because I once gave him a bad hair cut and he looked wolfish and then we knew these retarded kids who changed their dog’s name from Scout to Wolfie and we thought it was so hilarious that we joked about it). Well, actually, the kids aren’t really retarded, just mean little kids but whatever.

    So anyway..that doesn’t really help you now though, does it?

    I always think of snorting when I think of Pugs b/c they snort with their little smushed faces. You could call him Snort. Or Wide Eyes.
    Or Corky for his corkscrew tail.

    Or you know, just a normal dog name. From your list, I vote Truman.

  89. Totally Minion. Then you’ll either have another dissatisfying minion, or you’ll have one you can trust. Though Dr. Dreidel is totally awesome too. I just heard about these guys who robbed a jewelry store in New York dressed up as fake Hasidim. I think big felt hats with curls already attached are going to replace those souvenirs from Jamaica with the fake dreadlocks.

    We have two cats named Roscoe and Gerbot, and an invisible pug named Spencer. That way his bug eyes don’t get clawed out.

    Jenn’s last blog post..Financial Stylings

  90. I had a dog with a pierced ear once. Sure, the hole was from my brother’s stupid bloodhound who was jealous of how cool Annie was and put the hole there with her teeth, and she never actually wore an earring, but you could see daylight through it.

    And if I ever get a tattoo, it’s going to be of Herve Villachaize.

    I think Nancy Reagan would be a good name, since her eyes are on the sides of her head, too.

    The Dead Acorn’s last blog post..This Has To Stop

  91. you should totally go with TacoBamma: The Count of Winged Death. Then explain how you call him SnarkyBagels for short but that he also answers to Rodrigo. That way EVERYONE is confused and you have the coolest dog ever.

  92. You could call him Fire.

    Because just think if your house went on fire when you were, oh, rearranging your kitchen drawers or whatever and then you shouted Fire! Fire! and little Fire came running into the burning house and dragged you outside and all the neighbors would be all: “Oh, what an amazing dog! He just saved Jenny’s life!”

    Or Mr Prescott.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Build Your Own Stab-o-mizer TM

  93. TacoBama! Totally. The nickname possibilities are fantastic:

    Taco – easy.
    Bam Bam (or Boomer) – depends on how housebreaking goes.
    Stinker – if Obama doesn’t fix the economy in the first month in office.

    goodfather’s last blog post..Spin Cycle: Guilty as charged

  94. Dooce!?! When I read that I spit coffee on my screen, and I haven’t drank any coffee for hours. Awesome.

    However, since that my violate certain copyrights, Mythical Hobbit might be a better choice.

  95. Hello Jenny the Bloggess:
    I just discovered this site YESTERDAY – spent 2 hours last nite reading previous posts and LMAO. Love it. Then, today, you get a pug!!! We just go a pug puppy too, as a Christmas gift for our 9 year old son, because we are dumber than dirt. But he is just about the cutest little pee and poop machine ever. My brilliant son was so happy to get the little guy that he named him “Lucky” as in “I am so lucky I got this dog for Christmas!” (we tried to talk him out of that, we of course liked “PUGnatious”). Well, that name has already backfired, my son took Lucky down the street to his pal Amanda’s house to show him off, and when it was time to come back home, I yelled at him, “Alex, you go over there to Amanda’s and get Lucky and come home!” ……. Amanda’s daddy was not amused.

    Moral: do not let your kids name their own pets.

    Pugs are very cute dogs. I like Reuben for yours, as he is Jewish.

    Thanks for the great blog!

  96. My friend has two pugs… a tan one (Otto von Titsling) and a black one (Gerturde Condelezza Price). I love the names.

    But I am not one to talk… my dog’s name is Pico (really Sir Alphonso Picasso – he came with that name) and he is a fat mini dachshund. I bet he is culturally confused, as none of his names are the slightest bit German. We are ALL about diversity…

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Quick Update

  97. It’s like that in real life too. When I call him Mr. Pickles his left eye looks at me and when I call him Truman his right eye looks at me. It’s…disturbing. Almost like he’s two dogs trapped in one body and each personality controls a different eyeball.

  98. Bodaciousness.
    Sniffy McSnifferson.
    Pig Squiggles the Pee-Diddler.
    His Royal Highness Most Adorable.
    ‘Claws’ McGee.

    the tattoos should be on his lips and tail, “cuter at other end”

  99. My parents’ dog is called Maddy. They claim “that was her name when we got her and we didn’t want to confuse her”.
    Because it’s not confusing at all, as is.
    So just don’t call him Hailey.

  100. Mr Pickles is perfect…Our cat’s name is Pickles and we always get the strangest looks when people find out. Now I can say she is married to the pet of the 7th most popular blogger in the world(or something like that) !!!

    p.s. I am totally a minion –henchman sounds like too much actual labor is involved….

  101. you should name him like chipotle or borrito or something insanely advertise-ive (totally a word)… then to that chipotle guy you can be all like, screw the blog ad! i named my amazing tattooed and ear-pierced dog after your dumb establishment. you owe me a million bucks.

    jaymz’s last blog post..Preparing for your future

  102. I never saw a dog with such a – oh fuck – look on his face. Kind of looks like he just discovered he is sitting in his own pooh.

  103. you have to name him chester so when he starts humping your leg you can totally call him chester the molester

  104. Otto

    Papa Smurf


    Those are my top three picks…or you could do a name like Clive Owen, then you could totally say “I’ve got to go now, Clive Owen is licking my toes” or “Hugh Jackman needs me to spongebath him”

  105. Knuckles McGee is the coolest name ever, although I’m not sure how well it goes with the “love” tattoo. Maybe you could get him a Chuck Norris tattoo or something to show just how tough Knuckles is?

    Oh, and thanks for helping me decide what to name my first child (who I will not be getting tattooed until he or she is at least 12 because I’m strict like that).

    FunnyGal KAT’s last blog post..holy swizzle sticks, batman! get me a vodka tonic – STAT!

  106. His name is like totally Boner Jones.

    The cool thing is, I realized after his name appeared to me in obvious flames of burning pie that his initials would thereby be BJ, which of course is one of your potential topics on this blog anyway.

    Boner Jones.

  107. Truman. Please. I Love it. And, yeah, Chester’s taken over here, too.

    And e-mail or tweet me if you want help reducing yr RA symptoms. Beyond my advice to snuggle that cute puppy up. A lot.

  108. Instead of working (Like I’m supposedly paid to do) I read the archives of your blog. I’ve come to one conclusion: You are completely nutso and I want you as my BBFF*. Okay, that might have been two conclusions. I also came up with this half-hearted plan to create my own blog to blog about my mission to become your BBFF and then I realized that you probably have more experience in stalking then I do. And then I was distracted by my boss walking into my office and looking confused that I was actually still working for him.

    Either way, I’m now going to stalk you. Congratulations!

    *Bestest Best Friend Forevah

  109. You should name him after people you know. This honors them, and, if they’ve ever done anything reprehensible to you like piss on your couch, you can be calling them on it vicariously.

    Or, you can just name the animal after my father.
    His name was “Dad.”

    Glad to help as always.

  110. I vote Ninja.

    I got a puppy about 4 months ago and I can tell you one thing- just pick a name you can yell when it takes a nice big shit on the floor right in front of you while you’re watching TV.

    Good luck and congrats!

  111. I’d call him Whackles Von Dreidel Lawson and call him Whack for short because he looks like he whacked himself into a plate-glass window. Granted, his middle initials would then be VD, but it’s all about the love, right?

    mrtl’s last blog post..The True Secret to Monster Removal

  112. Just know that here I am, your faithful dog expert. Feel free to intrude and demand answers at any time. After all, my blog is nominated for FOUR Maxwell awards from the Dog Writers Association of America, which will be announced next month at their banquet in New York, which is stupid because if I already KNEW I won I would totally go to the banquet, but would I really spend all that money to go to New York (which is not on my list of “places to go, ever”) only to freakin’ LOSE and have to clap and smile all politely while I really want to cram an ice sculpture up someone’s ass.
    But seriously. Lori Knows Dogs. At your service. (We can discuss fees later, like maybe enough to finance a trip to New York. Or Fiji.)

    Lori’s last blog post..Worst. Addiction. Ever.

  113. Yeah, I’d go with Snugglepants the Death Bringer. It’ll sound good at 3:00am when he’s wandered off and you’re trying to call him in.

    Steve’s last blog post..WikiPolitics

  114. Oh, and, if you do go with Snugglepants the Death Bringer, you have to enter him in a dog show and post a video of the announcer introducing him.

    Steve’s last blog post..WikiPolitics

  115. What about Lord Awesomelatronton the 3rd? Then whenever he pisses on your carpet or foot, you can threaten him with the mysterious disappearances of the 1st and 2nd Lord As’. It’s classy and fear inducing.

  116. DUDE. I’m down with Snugglepants the Death Bringer or Pugnacious D as suggested above. Both are full of win so you really can’t go wrong.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..The Eye Has It

  117. OT, but I will be eternally grateful to TBogg for introducing you to me on his blog. You’ve got a new fan.

  118. Yikers, I’m so retarded, I posted my comment in your last post … and it was about this post … fook.

    SweetPeaSurry’s last blog post..

  119. I gotta say it: you are the smartest blogger out there. Smarter than Josh at CC, smarter than Bossy, and smarter than the Mattress Police.

    “…hmmm, how can I get my numbers up after that crushing defeat by the Comics Curmudgeon? I know! PUPPIES!!! I’ll blog about a new puppy! AND PUT HIS PHOTO AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE!!!!! Thats like fucking minting money.”


    You, foxy momma, are not just The Blogess, you are a god!!!!!

  120. Well, when you have a dog and you are not well, no matter how cute, taking care of it becomes a chore. Before long, everybody is all complaining, “The damn dog…. needs to go out, peed on the floor, chewed my shoes” whatever. It doesn’t matter what the name is, in a month or so, he becomes “The Damn Dog. T.D.D. May as well just start where you full well know you are going to end up. Name him “The Damn Dog”

    Outside, calling throught the neighborhood, “Where’s The Damn Dog? Come here Damn Dog?”

    I have 2 boxers; Isabell wiggle-butt the Scoliosis Dog and Rufius Maximus the Destroyer. We just call them Izzy & Rufus. More often than not, they are “The Damn Dogs”. If you have a treat, they come no matter what you call them.

    michelle’s last blog post..How Come…..

  121. I know its a boy but you should just name him “Princess Consuela Banana Hammock”…

    … this name should spark up some interesting conversations.

  122. Name? How ’bout Oz cause you’re living in a dreamworld (except for the reference to that prison program as that place didn’t really seem so dreamy).
    Are you kidding me? My husband gave me two potholders – for Christmas. And you get a puppy for what?? Plus the best natured & incredibly adorable child as well? I’m going over to the boobs & dr pepper blog so I can rebuild my self esteem…… Please, no psychoanalysis today….

  123. Yeah, I don’t get the Dreidel earrings either. He doesn’t look Jewish. (Are you supposed to capitalize Dreidel? I don’t want to offend any Jewish readers.)

    I was going to pick the name “Mr. Pickles” because of that song by Outkast before they sold out to the Top 40 Demons. Anyway, its that song Wheelz of Steel from the album ATLiens. Something about being cooler than a polar bear’s toenails and it tickles to see you try to be like Mr. Pickles.

    Yes, I called it an album. I grew up in the 70s. They will ALWAYS be albums. Not CDs, not MP3s, not LMNOPs or XYZs. They’re ALBUMS.

    P.S. I know a guy who knows a guy who used to race greyhounds, he will totally tattoo Mr. Pickles for you.

  124. I haven’t read the whole post yet because I’m drunk. But, I love the earrings because I’m Jewish. and, OMG, CHIPOTLE! You have to call him CHIPOTLE, and then you can call him CHIP for short. TOTALLY suits him.

    I LOVE HIM, by the way!


    Haley-O’s last blog post..Yoga Mama Drama….

  125. Jenkins McPenisSnap.

    there’s actually a story about “penis snap,” but i don’t like hijacking other bloggers’ comment sections to tell my own only mildly amusing stories, so i’ll abstain for now.

    but seriously. Jenkins McPenisSnap.

    Lara’s last blog post..Lara in Third Person

  126. OK all dogs are cool unless they’re like that Saint Bernard in Switzerland that tried to take off my right ass cheek but chomped down on my wallet instead. TRUE STORY — you don’t hear much about St. Christopher wallets deflecting bullets or dog bites do you? Well, you still haven’t because it wasn’t a St. Christopher’s wallet, just a plain old wallet. But a pug? I mean, cool on the side of lukewarm but anyway call it whatever you want but don’t let it bite people on the ass cheek. Not that its jaws are big enough. Anyway.

  127. I would only go for “Joey” if I were you, as my husband calls every fuck-up, Joey (even our 4 little boys), as it is in: Buttfuoco. The fact that this man was even named Buttafuoco, and anyone ever thought that it wouldn’t be a major disater is funny in itself. So, call him Joey, and think of us, two simple souls (well, him, at least) who like to laugh when their boys say, “why are you calling me Joey?”

  128. Why is your new doggy giving me the look of disapproval? He looks tough. He looks like a doggy bouncer!! Hey maybe you should name him after a famous bouncer!… Or maybe you could just name him Laurence Fishburne, because Laurence is pretty good at that disapproving look… and, better yet, Laurence is now on CSI! Don’t you want your puppy to be associated with William Peterson?!

  129. oooooh…Mr. Pickles, Mr. Pickles, Mr. Pickles!!!

    also, I might have to find a way to reach through my computer screen and steal your puppy, claws and all. Just saying.

    Miss B’s last blog post..QUACK!

  130. My sister’s dog has a tattoo. She has really weird tattooing friends. And she lives in Houston, so I can totally hook you up if you want.

    And I love TacoBama. It’s political and country at the same time.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Having a Bad Day? Try the DPS.

  131. Well, since he is clearly Jewish(or just a dreidel lover, but who isn’t really?) I think his name should be Mr. Picklestein.

    Lacey’s last blog post..Ergh

  132. I love my pug. Her name is Jynx but you should name yours Churchill. When he gets all fat and wrinkly you’ll understand.

  133. Mister Pickles? Really? Huh. I thought this was a humor blog. Oh wait. That contest proved it isn’t, so my bad…

    Anywho, I’ve gone with cat names for dogs and vice versa after that experience with naming two kittens while studying Hagel’s Theory Of Dialectic Materialism in school. Yep, you guessed it. Theyw ere named Thesis and Anitithesis. I was hoping for a Synthesis out of them but Thesis ran away. BTW, do you know how hard it is to repeatedly call a cat named Antithesis? It got shortened to Tits and there was much fun walking into a room where my then flatc hested sister was and saying ‘Hey, Jan. You got Tits?’

    You know what? I just realized I’m probably personally responsible for the low body esteem that led to Han getting a boob job. Huh.

    Steve McSheffrey’s last blog post..Bratz Theatre, Act Five: Ethan Upgrades

  134. If you DON’T name him Minion,
    You’ll never be able to make faces at yourself in the mirror again.
    Normal people just look,
    But I suspect differently in your case.

    My other suggestion would be Phil.
    Short for Sperm O. Philiac.

    Sharkey!’s last blog post..…it’s O-S-C-A-R…

  135. Trying to think of names…but have to take a dump…is my anal sphincter attached to my brain impairing my synapses?… PS the anal sphincter is the smartest sphincter in the body…can tell the difference between a load of shit and a fart you can squeak out all clandestine-like…

  136. I’m new here, and I just read six of your posts, and now I can’t stop laughing. I may need to get my diaphragm removed before continuing.

  137. Snuggle Pants the Deathbringer has a really nice vibe to it. Have you thought about getting his aura read? That might help.

    And they will so tattoo him. Our last cat had an ear tattoo instead of tags so people could return her to us if she was lost, which we hadn’t really thought too hard about when we had the tattoo thing put on her because eventually, she was so psycho we wanted her to get lost – or for the coyotes to eat her. They never did. They were afraid of her too. Eventually a woman in the city took her off our hands. Apparently our crazy cat was the reincarnation of her mother. Which explained a lot.

    How does Victor expect you to walk a dog with gimped feet? Did he get you a scooter too? I think he totally should. It’s probably a required.

    annie’s last blog post..I Hate Dead People

  138. I think you should name him Mr. Pickle. For some reason I just like it.

    BTW–Your freakin’ hilarious.

  139. Meshuga. Since he’s Jewish and all. I think it means crazy.

    Did no one mention Ninja?

  140. Call him Adament James – call hi A J For short. That leaves him a bit of dignity to go with his outrageous self.

  141. You should call him Kick me. And then you could be all like: ‘Kick me! Kick me, here!’ If you don’t go for that, I support Minion. And Henchman. Or Sergeant Pepper/Pickles

  142. I like the earrings and I have a fetching dreidle lapel pin that my dad gave me for Hannukah that I am totally going to send for the dog. You will just have to figure out the lapel part. And with all that judaica around, Schmuel is about the only name Mr Picklesworth (or whatever you are calling him now that seems REALLY goy-ish)could possible want. Or Moishe…

  143. I’m really digging the Dreidle earrings. If you can find a place that does tats on dogs, hook me up and I’ll being my Goldendoodle down and get him inked. He’s kind of the pussy of the neighbourhood right now and I want to give him a tough-guy image. Of course, with a stupid name like “goldedoodle” that may be asking the impossible!

  144. ok i think you should name him Amy Sedaris, but my daughter thinks ‘snuggle pants’.
    but she’s 7, and not to be trusted.
    my cat, on the other hand, suggested that ‘lunch’ would be a better choice.

    gwendomama’s last blog post..Speech Therapy is GREAT!

  145. MY VAGINA!!! Yes! Totally!!!

    My husband has a crush on you and it’s pissing me off.

  146. He looks like my son’s stuffed monkey, so the perfect name would be Mr. Grumpamonkey.

  147. It’s as if getting a puppy is some sort of consolation prize to getting RA. “Here we know it’s a bitch to walk but we want things to not look so bad so here have a puppy.”

    And, I like the name Truman. Cuz shit, this blog is almost exactly like the Truman Show, yes?

    Also, hang in there. I would never wish RA on my worst enemy.

    One Crazy Chick’s last blog post..If it’s not one thing, It’s your Mother…

  148. Name him Hoss…I was a big Bonanza fan.

    Name him “Festus”, cause Gunsmoke totally kicks Bonanza’s ass.

    Or, instead of “Tacobama”, “Taco the Wonder Pug”

  149. Forgive me for asking, but I’m fairly new to this whole “reading a blog everyday” sort of lifestyle and I’m not sure what the rules are regarding it, but is it normal/unusual/freaky/pathological to visit your site several times in one day and feel a sense of loss/longing if you haven’t posted anything new? Just curious, I’m not saying that’s happening to me or anything. I have a life all these archives to read so many other important things to do. Like edit my own site, which is NOT falling behind schedule. Really.

    Oh, and I might have a crush on you, and it’s pissing my wife off.

  150. You’re a whore. My now husband promised me two pug puppies if I relocated from sunny California to Manassas, Virginia (or Mannasshole, Vagina as I like to call it). BULLSHIT. I had to promise my vagina to ONE man for THE REST OF MY LIFE and you want to know what I got? Knocked up and a fucking Party Cocker. As in Spaniel. And now you are complaining about your feet? And you got the cutest dog in the world for some wrinkled up toes and extra large toe-knuckles? Boo-fuckin-hoo sista.

    Seriously. I love you. And your crippled feet. I wouldn’t name him Chester cuz then people like me would be all, “how’s Chester-the-Molester” today? But I could totally see you doing that because you have a wicked sense of humor. Just call him asshole because that is what you will be calling him anyway for the next year or so.

  151. Wait- Dude, you’re a fucking genuis. I just tore my meniscus in a motorcycle accident and have been gimping around for two weeks. I have always wanted a midget. A gay midget. And I want to take him shoe shopping. And his name…Gidget the shoe shopping Midget. So maybe if I preform certain acts for my dear husband he will take pitty on his gimp wife and fulfill my wish. If I get one, we should hook up and have a playdate.

  152. I have two dogs…and they have names but I tend to call them other things…stinky bilinky, chunky butt, Mickie Schmenkman and a laundry list of other names. The Vet though, he calls them Willow and Mickie.

    Good Luck with the pup and the RA (I have it too…it sucks…in the bad way).

    Jenn’s last blog post..And On Wednesday…

  153. I LOVE the name Mr. Pickles and it seems appropriate. But I’m very partial to I-am-Spartacus because I had a horse named Spartacus (who we called Spart) growing up and it’s the best name… ever.
    They’re all good choices – except Oliver. And Chester. And maybe Barnaby. Too ordinary.
    Good Luck!

  154. We got a pound dog once who had a tattoo on her belly. It was the symbol for female. I though “what sick fuck did this? And why this symbol?!”. And then I didn’t want to know. Then we realized it was the pound; they did it to mark her as fixed so no one would try to fix her again. So they totally have the equipment.

    I’m voting for tacobama, although PugnatiousD is pretty sweet too.

  155. I vote no on Truman, b/c that is Sweetney’s pug’s name and that is too 6 degrees of separation for me. I LOVE Booker T. Also, Rumsfeld.

  156. I’m so glad someone already mentioned this, and I’ll also be glad to reiterate that Natalie and Drew of Married to the Sea already have a pug named Chester, and that would not be very original of you.

    Chipotle, on the other hand, is very original.
    I also second whoever said to combine two to form Trueman the Death Bringer.

    or just call him asshole.

  157. oh and P.S. I renamed the family cat Perot back in 1992 when I was about 8 years old because “He has big ears and he purrs a lot. Purrr-oh.”

    That cat is still alive and still lives in the same house with my parents.

  158. 2 things:

    1.) I vote for Alfie &
    2.) You really can get your dog tattooed. The groomer we used to go to in Chicago said that there are places that do it and it’s catching on in popularity, because microchips can fall out, but tattoos, well those are forever. Unless of course you get them removed. Or get Kat Von D to alter “Alfie” into an elaborate tribal band. Cause your pug is punk rock like that, yo.

    Bethy’s last blog post..…to thine own self be true,

  159. Jenny! Name him Snort. Not only because of the Are You My Mother book with the big machine called a Snort, but also because this is what Pugs do. snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort-snort.

    If I ever had a Pug, I would name him Snort. All Pugs should be named Snort.

  160. I’ll be impressed if you actually read the 300 & something-th comment, but I have to share this with you. I swore that I would name my next pet after one of the characters in Dr. Suess’ poem – “Too Many Daves.” I have it narrowed down to either Oliver Boliver Butt or Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate. From your list, I would vote for Knuckles McGee.

    Katy’s last blog post..New Year’s Resolutions

  161. On serious note, my wife has RA, and it is a most unfunny disease. There are many treatments out there, but that is because they don’t have one yet that just works. I feel for you, and for your hubs. I just hope it doesnt cramp your writing style, cause it is snickeriffic and guffawtastic.

    For the record, I found you thru the Curmudgeon, whose snarky humor relies on the incredible difficulty of creating an interesting comic every day. Your humor though, is like fresh spring water, while over there it is just trusty, ol municipal water. Best of luck and keep it up, you make me laugh and I love that.

  162. yeah. All kidding aside, I hope you feel better. Its no fin to be in pain, but your attitude about it is great. Take care of yourself.

  163. Mr. Pickles. Totally. Although I like Churchill as well! Definitely NOT Truman, because there already IS a Truman (Sweetney’s dog) and he got into legal trouble not to long ago, and you just really DON’T need that kind of headache, what with the Chipotle debaucle, the dead hobo fingers, your fear of snakes and your wishes to be a Navy prostitute. Seriously.

  164. I kind of follow my mom’s rule not to name animals people names, however I do find it totally cool to name them the last name of famous people. I had a stray cat named Baldwin and my daughter named a girl stray cat VanGogh. SO, point is, I vote for names that sound like last names. And I like Mr. Pickles too!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..The Year in Review- Blog Entries

  165. The two most popular ones seem to be Mr Pickles ans Snugglepants the Death Bringer. To head off the incoming turf war, I suggest you strike a compromise and call him Mr Pickles the Death Bringer
    …or maybe Mr Deathpickle
    …Mr Deathpants the Pickle Bringer?
    …Mr Picklepants?

    Forget it. Just call him Gordon.

    Steve’s last blog post..WikiPolitics

  166. after reading all the suggestions as well as your intentions the logical conclusion is…


    Try saying it …. sounds easy and fun.

  167. My suggestions:
    Askim (“What’s his name?” “Askim!”)
    Jesus Christ

    But I really like Ninja and Mythical Hobbit, too.

    Out of your list, I like Alfie, because it reminds me of A.L.F., heh. And I hope you feel better soon. But while you don’t, you should totally get a bell to ring when you need something. Victor would just *love* that! *grin*

    Angel Smith’s last blog post..Don’t forget to Name YOUR Wang!

  168. My old cat had a tatoo, that she got from the SPCA. It was a female symbol with an x through it…you know…not a female anymore. She got it as a consolation prize for being spayed.

  169. OMG…he’s just too adorable! And I laughed until I cried reading about the ASPCA!!! I definitely think he’d look cool with tats LOL!

  170. First thought looking at the mug is Duncan. Don’t know why, but I think it fits. Lots of love and luck with pugster and hopefully you never have to express his anal sacs. (google it)

  171. Name him mr. pickles…that’s so cute! and i’m sure you probably don’t care about what i think, but b/c of the weblog awards i just discovered your blog. i think i like it.

  172. also i hope you feel better, do you get strong pain medication? i have sickle cell so i get really bad pain crisis from time to time and i hate pain, well extreme pain i guess. ok i’m rambling, but i hope you feel better and have meds unless you’re opposed to them.

  173. OMG you have 321 comments before me, you are like GOD.

    Anyhow, I LOVE Mr. Pickles!! My Grandma named her dog “Mr. Wiggins”. My mom has since inherited him and he’s a total spitfire and hates everyone but me 🙂

    Julie’s last blog post..I’m going to Hell

  174. That’s a tough call, for sure, because most of your list is spot-on for that kind of dog.

    I’m going to go with “Chester”, though, because it’s highly likely he’ll end up molesting various stuffed animals and such from time to time, so it will be appropriate, and thus he’ll have no trouble rising above any potential teasing at the dog park.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Book Review: K is for Kwanzaa

  175. Good thing for you pugs are so ridiculous-looking because now you are a shoo-in for the best humour blog – all you have to do is post pictures of him. That Victor, always thinking. But I’m a bit worried about the obvious inbreeding, because if you can fit “ambivalence” on one foot, it must be a club foot. And he will look nearly as bad-ass as my cat would have if I had actually managed to stick an earring through his perforated lip that time, except a bit candyass too, with those dangly earrings. Dude, go for the hoop or the stud. Unless the dangly bit is a skull or a knife. You want your dog to get beaten up?

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Welcome Wagon

  176. Call him 2pac – He will need more tats. With the new Obama presidency, it will be great to celebrity diversity by all of the white families in America naming their dogs after gangster rappers.

    Maybe just call him “Dre” or “Ice Cube”

    Fun Husband’s last blog post..I hate Monday

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  178. Snugglepants the Death Bringer is pretty much so a PERFECT name for a pug.
    My pug thinks he can be no further than 1.3″ from me at all times.
    I pretty much so thought that the Pug Fart was going to be the death of me. (yogurt in his food daily did help a bit)
    Enjoy! They are the funniest dogs ever.

  179. I just had to come back and read some of these comments.

    We’re getting a newfie soon (cause the Goldendoodle needs a friend!) and I have enough material in these comments to keep us in name suggestions forever!

    Actually, we’re just thinking about calling him God. When we’re outside yelling at God to hurry up and finish his business it will remove all doubt, in the minds of our neighbours, that we are certifiable.

    “Get off the damned couch, God!”

    “It’s time to take God out for a walk!”

    “We’re taking God to be neutered today!”

    And the list goes on and on!

    Auds’s last blog post..Why? An Open Letter to the Vomit Faerie

  180. It’s your lucky day because I’ve just created a domestic animal tattoo/piercing parlor in the back room of my apartment. I’ve been practicing on the neighborhood’s outdoor cats. My biggest seller so far is “widow maker.”

  181. I want a dogggggggggggggggggggggg.

    His name should be all those names in order. Dogs having at least 7 middle names is whats hot in the streets now.

  182. Jewish Name: Schmeckie (you put dreidles on him)although not a good know why.

    Gangster name: Old Dirty Bastard (or Young, your choice); Lil Baby Jebus (to rep the WuTang Clan), LLCoolPug, Notorius P.U.G.

    Other than that –
    Snugglepants the DB

  183. And don’t forget to dye his fur to match your purse so you can sneak him into anywhere you want by jamming him down a little deeper… How else are you going to show off your precious darling to the mucky-mucks at Chipolte in a last ditch effort to make your millions AND get Joe to beg for your semi-nude pic? Hey, if the blog advertising isn’t going so well, offer space on your dog, since you’re already set on a tattoo, why not get him one that pays you? See… always thinkin’!

    And btw, can I be a minion now? I held my sister’s head in the toilet until she agreed to read your blog, and now she follows you… that deserves minion-hood or a place on the blogroll or something…

  184. MY GOD, I am so insanely jealous. I have wanted a pug puppy since the dawn of time. No lie.

    By the way, there’s a trackback from Good Mom/Bad Mom and the title is “There should be a better word for genitals.” I’m concerned, Jenny, concerned.

    Anyway, my pug will be named Bocephus, so DON’T STEAL THAT SHIT. From your list, I like Oliver and Truman, but someone waaay at the top suggested Dickwild, in fact, she dared you, so I’m pretty sure you have to take that. You don’t want the rumor starting that you’re a damn coward, do you? I’m about to start that rumor on my blog. Check it, yo.

    Also, may I suggest Mr. Chubby Wrinkles as a name? I’ve used it on pugs I’ve housesat and it worked really well.

  185. Barnaby was the name of our fiercest, most blood thirsty cat. He skinned countless chipmunks, leaving their gore alongside Barbies in our backyard and arranging their entrails for the mailman. After he was done, he’d retire to the purple and lavender princess bench in our house.

    I personally think your pup looks more like a dark Kristen Chenowith…KC?

    amanda’s last blog post..D’lurk delovelies

  186. I was only allowed 4 hours to name our new puppy, because as soon as I got it home the children would call it after a fricking Pokémon.

    Given my experience of him in those first four hours was howling psycho demon of high pitched hell, and that I was driving in a foreign country, the damn creature is lucky to have got off with Oscar. Or, at the moment NOOSCAR. BADOSCAR. GETYOURTEETHOUTOFMYLEGYOUBASTARDOSCAR.

    Hope he’s taking your mind off the RA though. Poor you.

  187. Call him Shorty…then you can go around singing Lollipop and really be talking about your dog, not blow jobs. You follow?

    “Shorty wanna thug…bottles in the club
    Shorty wanna hump…you know I like to touch Jenny’s lovely lady lumps”

    Also…those kind of dogs ARE short.

  188. First, I love the dreidel earrings almost as much as I love your blog.

    I came over here because I was checking out the entries for Best Weblog Awards, and now I have gone through almost all of the archives, laughing like a maniac. I made my wife read the blog too, so she will know I am much better than Victor, but then he pulled the puppy ploy –CURSE YOU, VICTOR!

    I think you should choose “The Doggess” especially if you use your ASPCA credit to get him fixed.

    If not, “Ambivalence” works, especially when he runs off and you have to run around the neighborhood calling “Ambivalence!” Won’t that make the neighbors talk.

    PS. I voted for you, anyway.

  189. Look, I really need a new post. I’m starting to suffer withdrawal. Yeah I know, I could read back postings, but it ain’t the same. I’ve been reduced to reading the blog of my REALLY annoying new neighbor. God, she’s awful. So please, stop playing with the dog for fifteen minutes and give me something good!!!!!

  190. I love the comment about naming your puppy God, and I’d like to raise it one by suggesting Jesus. And then I want to follow you around as you yell at him in public. Please????

  191. Have you ever read “A Porcupine Named Fluffy”? Anyway, it’s about a porcupine whose name is Fluffy and how he makes friends with a rhino whose name is Hippo. So I think you should name him Kitty Cat or King Kong or Megatron.

  192. I begin to worry that Our Hero Jenny named poor Boner Jones something truly awful and embarrassing, and in a fit of annoyance the little fella had his revenge. Even as we speak, Jenny is no doubt nursing tiny little bite marks in her calf and is unable to hobble to the computer to sate our greedy desires for more….

  193. Precious, but not in the cutesy sorority girl way. In the creepy Lord of the Rings way. My Preciousss. If you go with a jewish name, call him Schmuck. That wasy when he does something dumb, it’s built into the name. Or Shecky.

    Snugglepants the Deathbringer is cool too, as is Mr. Pickles. I tend to call my dog stinky butt due to the evil smells that come out of it but his real name is Sam because he looks like an old man and needed an old man name.

  194. I just finished Carrie Fisher’s autobiography, Wishful Drinking…stay with me here, I have a point, and she talks about going to ComicCon…and there is an anatomically correct Princess Leia doll…she told Lucas that he might have the rights to the character, but he does not have the rights to her ‘lagoon of mystery’…how is that for a dog name? Call it Goonie for short.

  195. a friend of mine has one of those little cuties. He named in Beauregard.

    I think they look like a little alien. I see you’ve already named him, but he sure could be called E.T. or A.L.F.

    pamela’s last blog post..Hearing Things

  196. Ok, so, I’m so not cool enough to comment on your blog, but I’m going to do it anyway, b/c apparently you bloggers like that? I don’t know, but I have to say the dreidel earrings are so awesome, I’m taking my dog to get some RIGHT NOW! and then I’m renaming him Penis. Except I don’t have a dog….hm. I’ve regaled all my friends with stories about the Iphone and “my vagina” and now they read you too. My best friend has been doing the Kegels her gyno and husband couldn’t convince her to do, just so she can read your blog and not pee on herself from laughing. LOVE you!

  197. Cute dog. And the Humane Society totally tattoos dogs, by the way. Our big boy sports his jailhouse tat from back in the days of lockup. Anyway. . .not that you’ll get to this 364th comment, but I wanted to stop by more regularly after running into you and the fam and Half Price and stumbling all over myself because you are the most famous person I know. Totally. I am such a dork like that.

    Sabrina’s last blog post..Breaking up: Quite easy, in fact.

  198. I ALWAYS read the 364th comment. I read all of them actually because I’m OCD. I just never respond unless it’s a direct question because I get too intimidated to comment in my own comments section. I realize that’s insane. But once is like a week old I’m fine with commenting again because no one is paying attention to me.

    So hi! How are you?

  199. Mr. Pickles is so gangsta! But you probably should shorten it to M. Piddy- that is a little more thug.

    PS- Smart A$$ mom said I am the funniest blogger she know- right after you. So the bar is set really high I see… shit!

    Beth’s last blog post..What gets you through???

  200. I don’t know if you’ve named him, but “Pugsley – Lord Destroyer of Worlds” works for me! LOL!!!

  201. Jenny,

    My husband is SO happy he is not the only dude who bought his wife a rat dog because he felt bad that she had rheumatoid arthritis. That’s how I got Mingo. His ears aren’t pierced nor is he tattooed, but he does have a mohawk. It’s pink. We dyed it with Cool Aid.

    Hope your feet feel better soon. Dana

    Dana Corey, Spicy Princess’s last blog post..Same old, same old…

  202. Really, naming it “My Vagina” would be genius.

    My Vagina just peed all over the floor!

    I totally got a puppy to make me feel better. And she does. Funny how puppies can do sometimes what medicine cannot. I prescribe puppehs for all!

    Chloe’s last blog post..Oh shit! Oh god! Oh no!

  203. what about stain my husband says then when we want him to come to us we would say Come stain come I know I like pawson my self good luck finding a name

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  205. Love your column! Discovered it last summer while doing a websearch for pug names, since I adopted a couple boy pugs here in Massachusetts. I love Snugglepants the Deathbringer, by the way. Hilarious because, well, cute pugs having power over life and death…just awesome! My pugs names were Bam-bam and Baby, which I totally had to change right away for their sake. Now it’s Bear and Badger, though their superhero names are Capt. America and Thor, in case you ever meet them while they’re saving your life.

    Anyway, what did you end up naming your pug?
    Keep up the hilarious columns!

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