The Bloggess

 Blog called on account of rain.  Mostly because it’s Texas and when it rains here the whole State shuts down.  But I’m not entirely MIA because I’m doing a giveaway today.  See the eyeball necklace on my left sidebar?  That’s my friend, Dr. Brassy and she makes awesomeness with her own little hands and she’s giving away a few gift certificates here today so you can have your own little piece of fantasticness.

Want one?  Just leave a comment and a few of you will be randomly chosen.

Also, I realize that I’ve given you nothing pertinent to comment on so here’s a random topic:  They say you should never meet your heroes because they’ll never compete with what you imagine, but that’s not true because I met Neil Gaiman once and we ended up wearing sock monkey hats and telling stories of beauty pageants.  I guess the moral here is that you should always meet Neil Gaiman, and carry your own monkey hat just in case he forgets his.  (Which is unlikely because the man is magic and I think he carries a suitcase of bad-assery with him everywhere.)

So here’s your question…which of your heroes would you still like to meet?  Or, which have you already met?

Spill, people.

UPDATED:  My God, I love you people.  You seriously pick all of the best people and I think we should be friends forever.  However, only two people can win so using (Random Number Generator) here are the winners:

“You know, I’m going to go with Wonder Woman. I had her UnderRoos and I felt like a badass when I wore them.” ~ Jenbug

“I ran into Joe Piscopo and his ex-wife at a grocery store years ago. Never having seen a celebrity before I followed (OK … stalked) them from the frozen food aisle to the bakery then check-out. A few weeks later I was in a bowling alley and Joe (I figured we were on a first-name basis since we shopped together) was playing pool. I made a beeline for him and shouted “Hey JOE … It’s ME … CHRISTY … Remember? From the grocery store?” To this day I can’t understand why he downed his beer and went out the back door.”
~ Christy 

Also, for being such amazing sports I’m going to pick a few of you to send signed copies of my book, so check your email.

We now return to regular programming.

I just showed this to my seven year old daughter:

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Her reaction:  KATY PERRY HAS A TV SHOW?

I’m a little sad for America right now.

PS.  More Katie/red dress/non-farting details here.  Set your DVR’s, y’all.

PPS.  True story, I almost stole the necklace I’m wearing there.  I figured if I got caught I could blame it on Brene Brown inspiring me to “dare greatly” enough to steal a necklace from the Katie Couric show.  Then I actually read Brene’s brilliant book and it didn’t have anything about shoplifting in it at all.  Missed opportunity, I think.

UPDATED:  So the show was great and I owe a giant thank you to everyone who ever supported the red dress project in any way.  Thank you!

As a quick aside, here’s a 5 minute clip from the show if you missed it or if you’re my mom and don’t have a DVR:

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Personally I watched it with Hunter S. Thomcat, who made an amazing cameo:

He was unimpressed with the whole viewing, which was nice because it kept me grounded.

His smugness lasted for about about 2 more minutes until I showed up wearing the red dress and I screamed, “HUNTER, I’M ON TV WITH KATIE-FREAKING-COURIC!” and then he freaked out and fell backward off the bed.  Probably because of the volume.  Or the awesomeness.

My bet’s on the awesomeness.

Conversation between my husband and me:

Victor:  What the hell is this?

me:  It’s a globe.  It’s literally been there for years.

Victor:  No.  I mean the thing in front of the globe.  The thing that looks like it wants to eat my face when I sleep.

me:  Oh.  That’s an antique alligator baby in a tutu.

Victor:  Okay…why?

me:  My sister sent it to me.  It’s like the white swan in that Natalie Portman ballerina movie.  But with less bulimia.

Victor:  And why – and I already regret asking – why doesn’t she have any hands?

me:  My sister has hands.

Victor:  The alligator.  Why doesn’t the alligator have hands?

me:  Oh.  I think they were eaten off in a former life, but OMG…THAT’S THE BEST PART.

Victor:  Not having any hands is the best part?  I’m questioning all of your goals now.

me:  No, the best part is that my sister sent me an alligator with no hands, and then the very next day…my parents sent me an alligator hand WITH NO BODY.  I mean…what are the odds?

Victor:  Um…what?

me:  They found it at a flea market.  See…IT’S A PURSE..

Victor:  It’s a purse…MADE OUT OF A HAND.

me:  And it’s awesome because vintage alligator skin purses are probably crazy expensive but they got it super cheap because I guess the vendor didn’t realize it was real alligator.

Victor:  Or because IT’S A FUCKING HAND.  YOU HAVE A HAND FOR A PURSE.

me:  You should see the coin purse.

Victor: Stop.

me:  It’s half of a frog.

Victor:  You need help.  You and your whole family.

me:  I think the real problem here is that you just don’t understand family dynamics.

Victor:  No, I think the real problem is that that you have a hand for a purse.

me:  It’s awesome because when I put my hand in the purse it becomes a really fucked up glove.  I just need to find another one to have a matched set.

Victor:  And that’s why you’re never allowed to go shopping alone again.

Conversation between Victor and me:

Victor:

Me:

I was the only one laughing.