I shouldn't be allowed to mix with real people

So this weekend I went to Blogher and basically it confirmed that I should never leave my house again.  It was awesome and terrible.  Like a tornado filled with glitter and pretty shoes.

I did a reading at the Community Keynote and (surprisingly) was the only one drinking heavily backstage and (unsurprisingly) was the only one who had to physically hang on to the stage curtain to keep from falling over because “the stage was slanty” (it wasn’t).  Oh and my anxiety disorder kicked in so I had to wear my “confidence wig” and I think everyone kept thinking there was a reason I was wearing it, and were waiting for me to do a Britney Spears interpretation or something but no, actually I’m just a weirdo and it turns out that most people don’t even own a confidence wig.  Laura sent me a videotape of the whole thing and it’s hard to hear which is a blessing, because basically I lost my place on the page I was reading from and just started ad-libbing crap and talking about the NRA.  What the fuck, me? 

I also went to the party I was supposed to be hosting and it was so awesomely big that I ended up staying for about 14 minutes before bolting and hiding in the men’s room for the next four hours.  At one point I was interviewed in the bathroom and (I’m told) I gave an educational seminar about peeing standing up through labia manipulation.  We can only hope that video tape was destroyed in the shoe tornado. 

Then Laura shows up like 4 hours later and I’m still sitting on the sink and she’s all “The fuck, dude?  People are concerned.  I’m getting calls from people saying you’ve been in the bathroom for four hours!” and I’m like “Well, that’s probably because I’ve been in the bathroom for four hours.  Hey, have you met the Backstreet Boys?! (I don’t really think they were the Backstreet Boys)” and she’s all “Those aren’t the backstreet boys and why have you been in the bathroom for four hours?  You missed your own party!” and I’m like “Um…because I’m me”  Then Laura’s like “Well..good point.  We’re getting you some fresh air” and then she grabs my hand and pulls me out of the bathroom and I’m all “I miss my sink!  Where are we going?” and she says “To the bar” and I’m like “YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND EVER, LAURA!”  But then we get to the bar and she tells me I can only have water and she turns away for 12 seconds and suddenly a cocktail is in my hand and she’s all “Where the hell did you get that?!” exactly like I did when Hailey found the Tijuana porn under my bed but really I think she was more amazed than mad.  Laura re: the drink, that is.  Not Hailey re: the Tijuana porn. 

Then I realized that I had forgotten my antidepressants.  And that’s when things got really weird.

More to come unless I get distracted.  Oh look!  Dust!

PS.  Photos stolen and vandalized from the awesome Aimee Greeblemonkey and Califmom.

Comment of the day: I totally did not know who you were backstage. I am not lying. I mean, I read your tweets and shit, but I did not have a real idea of what you looked like and I thought maybe you were a cancer survivor with a bad blonde wig. I am not making this up. ~ Suebob

186 replies. read them below or add one

  1. From what I hear, you ROCKED! Glad you’re home safe and sound.

  2. OH Jenny, I wish I could have been there in the bathroom with you…..for I pee down my leg every time I try to go standing up. My husband just read this over my should and asked me if I wanted a little labia manipulation tonight…MEN.

  3. I feel sorry for Guy Kawasaki. He probably had to pee all night, but was too intimidated to go into the men’s room.

    Jessica’s last blog post..Awesome Tool Alert: The EAD Library

  4. I was a little intimidated at your party as well. Wish I’d been in the bathroom with you, instead. One can always use a little peeing instruction, no matter how old. Nice meeting you there.

  5. Even though you second-guess the wisdom of going out and circulating amongst people who aren’t related to you, I know that each time you make somebody’s day, week, or even month with your shenanagins.

    C’s last blog post..Drunkblog

  6. 6
    Just A. Reader

    You’re quality entertainment. Even in the hard-to-hear video. I would gladly pay whatever your speaking fee is if you would come sit in my living room and talk to me for an evening.

  7. Your recaps are teh awesome.

    Avitable’s last blog post..New meaning to “Office Pool”

  8. Your reading was still incredibly entertaining, even amidst all of your wig-wearing-panic-enveloping splendour.

    janet’s last blog post..Shades of San Francisco: Part I

  9. How cute you were on stage with your curtain buddy! I loved being backstage in the “Green Room” with you and it was really run to look through everyone’s purses while they were reading. Are you really putting that stuff on Ebay?

    Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..I’m So Not Bitter! – BlogHer 08 Post Mortem

  10. I really am. That’s post number 2. Get an ebay account, quick.

    PS. Thanks guys. I so love you people.

  11. As the hostess, you’re allowed to hold the party wherever you’d like. So just consider everyone rude that they didn’t join you in the bathroom.

    I hope someone brought you drinks.

    the slackmistress’s last blog post..No Date for the Prom.

  12. Hang in there chica! I’ll get you a curtain if you need one…

    Katy’s last blog post..Matthew 26-27

  13. I wish I could hear you over all the laughter. You’re awesome!

    Wendy’s last blog post..Especially Tasty Iced Tea

  14. I think you are brilliant.

    OHmommy’s last blog post..A Giveaway and the Last Mention of BlogHer08

  15. yo, bitch! How come I didn’t see you for more than like 5 minutes?? Next time I’m in Houston your ass is mine. Like. Seriously. Did you hear I made out w/ one of our blogger friends? See. I’m not fucking around.

    Defiantmuse’s last blog post..times like these

  16. Miss you.

    Maria’s last blog post..Stop Hatin’.

  17. My favorite part is the shot in the bathroom where the girl is dabbing your chest. Do you have people now?

    buffi’s last blog post..Why Bug is my favorite right now

  18. you slay me. in a good way.

    slouching mom’s last blog post..home again, home again, dancing a jig…

  19. 1. I totally did not know who you were backstage. I am not lying. I mean, I read your tweets and shit, but I did not have a real idea of what you looked like and I thought maybe you were a cancer survivor with a bad blonde wig. I am not making this up.

    2. You not only rocked the house, you burned the house DOWN. That performance could have been on Johnny Carson if Johnny Carson let brilliant comics talk about drugs and the C word (no, not “cancer”)

    3. I would have hung in the bathroom longer with you but that blonde girl was screaming her f***ing head off and it was breaking my delicate ears.

    Suebob’s last blog post..I DO have a lot to say about BlogHer 08

  20. I am honored to have my fine photography featured on your blog. I feel a future career forming for me: Men’s Room Photojournalist. Brightkite me with your next “party” location, and I’m there.

    califmom’s last blog post..How Do You Sleep?

  21. Everyone keeps asking me about drinking in the bathroom with you (because I posted it on my site) and now I’m thinking, “That slut. She was drinking in the bathroom with OTHER PEOPLE before me” but then I remembered that you were in my panties.

    For the duration of the day.

    When I said that to people (the exact wording was “The Bloggess is in my panties right now”) they acted like I was drunk. Sadly, I was not.

    Mocha’s last blog post..It’s Pathetic, Really

  22. OHMYGOD that reminds me, I have that short video clip of you and Y singing in the bathroom! (Runs to upload)

    Coming shortly…

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..BlogHer 2008: A (not so) brief highlight

  23. You SHOULD leave your house. And come to mine.

    Mr Lady’s last blog post..13,148.96 Days Later

  24. PS: In case you missed it, I TOTALLY had anti-depressants. Wow, could I have hooked you the fuck up.

    Mr Lady’s last blog post..13,148.96 Days Later

  25. Wow… I’m DEFINITELY going to BlogHer next year.

  26. I just posted about how you made my night. Now I’m wondering if I drove you to the bathroom instead.

    Damn barbie dolls.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..BlogHer ’08 from MPOV- Part One

  27. Next year I say throw the whole darn party in the bathroom! I’ll bring the cupcakes!

  28. I would have joined you in the bathroom had I known!

    And also, I don’t think anyone knew you went off on a tanget and ad-libbed during your reading. It’s the beauty of reading a drunk post!

    You had a pretty dress, even if the stage was slanty.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..BlogHer Aught Eight – The Cheetos Caper

  29. Your comment on my blog made my day!

    I hope that’s not scary.

    If I go next year, I am absolutely coming to the parties and getting drunk. (I only did the second day this year). I would totally have been in the bathroom with you.

    I stalked followed you out of the final keynote to say “hi” and “you kick ass,” but you were deep in conversation in the cool green coat, so I went to my car and left.

    Lunasea’s last blog post..I Blame G’s Genes

  30. Dude. I was so looking for you in the wrong bathroom.

    love you large bebeh.

    flutter’s last blog post..here’s a doozy

  31. I hate to tell you, but I probably ruined Laura’s video with my LOUD DONKEY BRAYING since I was sitting next to her and laughing my ass off. And snorting a little.

    Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..Things I Learned at BlogHer 08 (or, as I like to call it: “Facebook LIVE!”)

  32. OK, so Jenny,
    I’m really green at all this blog-shit and can barely post on my own [sad] blog…and can’t ever figure out html codes to make shit look cool.


    I’m 46…
    I’m raising a son…
    I’ve been living/married to the same man for just over 20 years…
    I’ve buried my father…
    I’m not [currently] addicted to anything…

    and my point is this–my vote MUST count for something, some where.

    I vote for YOU.

    Just like I’d vote for Kathy Griffin…You know Kathy Griffin, don’t you? Tell me you do…Because I just want to scream at people who take themselves so fucking seriously on these blogs and remind us/them all…Fuck! This is BlogWorld…Take a Pill!

    I sit in my cozy house on the coast of Maine and get a HUGE dose of LMAO every day I read your blog.

    You’re doing great…You look great…You have a beautiful family…and…


    I hope you feel comfortable in your skin…because you really do make the mundane of life comfortable for many of us out here in blog-where-ever-the-fuck…

    Hug your family…they rock!


    Kim’s last blog post..Sending a Birthday Balloon to Kelly…

  33. While I don’t have a confidence wig I DO, however, have a confidence merkin. I highly recommend it (but you cannot borrow mine, sorry, I have boundary issues).

    Sadly, stupidly, pathetically I pussed out of Blogher even though I bought the whole shebang package. Instead I stayed home across the Bay combing my merkin with my daughter’s My Pretty Pony brush and putting butterfly clips in it. Next time. Next time I go, I drink, and hopefully get to meet you.

  34. I’m totally buying a confidence wig for myself now. But red, cuz I love me some redheads.

    Thanks for the laughter you gave me in a much needed moment when the grief was weighing me down and trying to drown me.

    You brought joy.

    Thanks for that.

    (And thanks for letting me totally grab yer tits. Made my night. heh.)

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Naked at BlogHer

  35. must. get. confidence. wig.


    ali’s last blog post..i will never learn…and i suffer from the wonk-eye

  36. Jenny. I missed you. It’s true.

    Robin’s last blog post..It doesn’t get better than this

  37. OMG, I just drunk commented on your blog. (I can now cross that off my to-do list).

    Robin’s last blog post..It doesn’t get better than this

  38. dude, it wasn’t ALL of the backstreet boys. only nick. i saw him everyday. he’ll deny it, but we know the truth. that tall blonde haired fucker was totally nick carter.

    jennster’s last blog post..why blogher is so awesome (and a little scary)

  39. Hon, I’ve been on stages that really were slanty, and have a box full of wigs in bright colors – you can have any of them that add to the confidence. Can’t wait for the next chance to get together.

    Plus Q and Hailey must meet!

    Lady M’s last blog post..Now We All Know What ‘Buck’ Means

  40. i’m guessing you don’t remember, but you and i met and chatted a bit during the ruby skye party. i actually hadn’t known who you were until you spoke at the community keynote, but i think i love you a little bit already. oh, and i totally had antidepressants to hand out, if only i’d known you needed them.

    Lara’s last blog post..BlogHer08: Cheers and Jeers

  41. Jenny, if you never leave your house again, that means BlogHer09 will have to be in your living room. I do not want to be at BlogHer without you and your fabulous Endora coat.

    heather spohr’s last blog post..In The Face of Fear, True Beauty

  42. “You and me and the bottle makes three tonight”……Jenny, you rock the party that rocks the party. I love you, you crazy bitch.

    PS – On my way to the airport? Jen and I saw a person on the sidewalk with a sign that said (thank GOD Jen was the for verification)…

    “Please help: family kidnapped by ninjas. Need cash for kung fu lessons.”


    PPS – I felt your boobs up at the People’s Party. I couldn’t help it – I did it for the people.

    qt’s last blog post..R.I.P. BlogHer

  43. People, people who need curtains
    Are the luckiiiiiiiest people…

    Oh, and it totally did look like a bathroom in the first pic.

    Hay’s last blog post..The Hippy’s New Jacket

  44. The “real” #1:

    “Like a tornado filled with glitter and pretty shoes.”

    I **heart** you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. If you offered a class in “Improving your writing by painting THE BEST WORD PICTURES EVAH”, I would be first in line.

    1) I was SOOOoooo right, small wonder I made the BLOGGESS COMMENT OF THE FREAKIN’ DAY!

    2) I felt it in my bones….

    3) And I wish we had a picture of “that” (you lying in a splash-pool on the bathroom floor, NOT peeing-by-labia-manipulation (is that like voting-by-proxy?))

    4) What’s the cat-fight Willowtree’s talkin’ about???


    Robin’s last blog post..A little crabby…and a little buggy

  45. Chick, I am getting tons of hits on my blog with your name and another certain blogger, and something about ‘abuse’ and ‘smackdown’ and ‘The Bloggess loses her shit’.

    Damn you woman. I am still hangin’ here. You are such a goddamn tease. Don’t tell me ‘more later’ and then nothing… Put me out of my misery or I am gunna have to make up shit. And put your name on it.

    Kelley’s last blog post..I am going to hell. Alternative title ‘meet my new boyfriend’

  46. That was a really nice looking men’s room. Do they all look like that? I don’t think I’ve ever been in a men’s room, despite being called Kyle all through my childhood.

    I should totally get a confidence wig.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  47. You are so hard on yourself-I have a lifetime supply of antidepressant AND a security bra.

    Mrs. G.’s last blog post..PostSecret Mrs. G. Style

  48. What exactly is that woman on the right applying to your chest? She appears to be holding a pressure bandage. Were you wounded or was she ‘making her move’ in a kind of cute but clumsy way?

    Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..Oh Boy! A Package From Jozet at Halushki!*

  49. Wow – sure beats the “We’re here to talk about AMWAY” intro you gave at MDcQ I. Glad you guys made it out there and back OK, what with the drinking limits on the airplanes and such.

    But, the GUY’s bathroom? The heck, dude?

    BTW, hate to be a nag, but when can we expect an announcement re: TPFKA MDcQ III?


    Ed T.’s last blog post..A message for those who would annoy me on Wordless Wednesday

  50. So, in the first picture, is the girl to your left dabbing your bosom? Because it looks like she’s blotting your chest with a tissue. But your face betrays this not at all. So either a) she’s not actually dabbing your boobies with a kleenex, it’s a trick of the camera angle or b) this is so ordinary for you that you can continue a conversation and have your picture taken while being dabbed.

    Cara’s last blog post..Speedbumps

  51. I don’t entirely remember what was happening there exactly but the chest dabber was awesome and had the most adorable Australian accent. I just wanted her to read to me all night and I think perhaps I may have asked her to. Or asked her to dab my chest. It’s all a blur.

  52. I don’t have a confidence wig but I do have sunglasses that make me invisible. I totally would have loaned them to you so you could be covert under-cover hostess of the party.

    CarolynOnline’s last blog post..Blue Monday.

  53. A new drink! The Confidence Wig!

    Two shots of whiskey in a Red Bull.

    My tongue feels blond and hairy already.

    You were fab. The curtains matched your…curtain.

  54. Wish I were there with my blond confidence wig hanging with my favourite chickita in the bathroom. Love ya. Miss ya.

    Sandra’s last blog post..Top 10 Things I Learned at BFF

  55. I couldn’t decide if you are the funniest woman I’ve ever come across, or totally out of your mind. Or Both. But in a good way.
    Either way? I wish I’d found the cajones to walk up and say hello. Or find you and Mocha when you were enjoying amaretto in the bathroom. I couldn’t drink amaretto, what with “fetal alcohol syndrome” being whispered in my ear by the spectre on my shoulder, but I would have smelled the bottles and maybe dabbed some on my neck- like perfume.
    Also I may have then tried to mug you for your spectacular green coat, but you would have forgiven me eventually.

    MeL’s last blog post..This Is Not The Post You’re Looking For.

  56. The video is the funniest thing I have seen in my life. Due to your inspiration, I am going out to buy a confidence beard!!! Cause I can’t grow one.

  57. I, on the other hand would like to hire you to deliver a speech in the form of drunk dialing.

    furiousball’s last blog post..well, he did have a lot of help

  58. Genius is often confused for insanity.

    You are brilliant.

    In an insane world, the sane appear insane. Eckhart Tolle says so too.

    Welcome to the atypical, aka sane club.

    Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..This Should Be a Named Disease, Something That Sounds Like Black Hockey Jesus

  59. You have full permission to smack me for not being there with ya. Next year!

    Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Please Help Me to Understand

  60. The bathroom party sounds like the best fiesta at Blogher. The BathHER!

    kimblahg’s last blog post..testing 1-2-3

  61. I often go off page when speaking in public. I am think the confidence wig might be the answer for me.

  62. They should totally have your presentation in the bathroom next year. I’d like to reserve the first stall, please.

    vodkamom’s last blog post..How to gross out your daughter…

  63. Wish I had been there to witness it. I do enjoy a good confidence wig.

    jen from boston’s last blog post..Quotes from the Potty Training Seat, The Libinator, age 2.5

  64. Wow, I have never heard of a confidence wig before but I just wanted to give you kudos for actually getting up there. You are to be applauded for that, great way to overcome your fears.

    Renee of Cutie Booty Cakes’s last blog post..A Poem

  65. Girlfriend, wherever you are is where the party is. Wish I could have been there. The chickas at BlogHer need to bring the conference to Texas!

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: The World’s Funniest Joke

  66. Ha! You are adorable.

    Maria’s last blog post..glad I listened to my instincts (but)

  67. Wow, bathroom conferences parties sound like so much fun! Can we have one soon here in Houston, just because?

    Greis (Grace)’s last blog post..Like a Twinkie, but not…

  68. Someone’s Following you on twitter, you turn around and BAM!!!! It’s your new favorite blog. You rock, sister. You can borrow some of my meds anytime.

  69. YOu are magnificent, Jenny!

    Am kicking myself for not looking for you in the bathroom. Because, doh, where else would you be? (-;

    Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..I haven’t written about BlogHer yet, because I must sleep

  70. OMG- Best post ever.

    love the confidence wig. I want one!

    maya’s last blog post..Nick @ Nite Part 1

  71. I have to say that you have the most entertaining commenters ever.


    Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..Picture Day

  72. I love the shot of you and the curtain love affair. You rockstar. xo How did I miss out on quality bathroom time with you? 🙂

  73. Holy crap the confidence wig is delightful. I wonder if I can make that work for me.

    will betheboy’s last blog post..Hobo Record Club Strikes Back

  74. that wig was so wonderful.

  75. Is it odd that I actually think I like you more now?

    michellew’s last blog post..Showers of happiness…

  76. Ooooooh. I’m with all the others, definitely getting a confidence wig and heading to BlogHer next year. I suspect that both of your parties were awesome, both the bathroom party and the official one. The pic of you and Mocha Mom on her site is sooooo fricking cute. Yeah!

    Rock and Roll Mama’s last blog post..Justin Timberlake has ADD/OCD- Swoon.

  77. Dude, is the woman powdering your chest superhuman? Is that a second arm? Or is it like the Bionic Woman in that episode where she fanned her hand over the cigarette in the car super fast to make it look like she smoked it?
    I missed your bewigged presentation I think you should get a Jessica Rabbit wig. It’d look great with the green coat.

    amanda’s last blog post..Journal of a Traveler

  78. Dude. I spent half of Guy Kawasaki’s party sobbing by the pool and then hiding out in his poolhouse. THEN I spent the rest of the conference bolting in restrooms and random hotel suites to either sob or hyperventilate. That is, when I wasn’t showing my tits. And I also saw the Backstreet Boys, and maybe also a unicorn or two. So you’re not alone.

    Mad love to you, sweetie. MAD LOVE.

    Her Bad Mother’s last blog post..Now The Party’s Over. I’m So Tired.

  79. confidence wig. i need to remember that.

    blundstone’s last blog post..oh yes: oh yes of the day (101)

  80. i would have loved to have joined you in the bathroom. actually i would have loved to have been anywhere at blogher! next year for sure! for sure!

    natalie’s last blog post..Coming up with some answers.

  81. I so would have hung out in the bathroom with you. I could have worn your wig, you could have tried on my tiara, and we could have powdered each others boobs all night. It would’ve been a blasty blast.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..vicious cycle

  82. You gotta hang with more women of color, Confidence wigs are a way of LIFE with us!
    You would have had full support!

    Dr. Wright
    and her confidence Wig Sandy
    The Wright Place TV Show

  83. I could like, totally, imagine the conversation you, like, had in the bathroom with those Backstreet Boys. 🙂 Wish we’d had a chance to spend some time together. I’d like to hear more about those “Riot Guns” sometime. By the way, I heard you only have Wisdom teeth on the bottom? Or was it the top? And yes, you are are the only one with a confidence wig. I generally wear my confidence penis when I need some extra help. That and some El Patron and I’m good to go. Bitch, you need to come to San Diego so we can raid Mexico together. The invite is always open.

    Oh and one more thing, I heard you only had 2 wisdom teeth, is this true?????

    Petite Gamine’s last blog post..I’ve been outed

  84. I *totally* forgot about the labial manipulation line – and I was there! Apparently we’re tied for drunk.

    As for antideps – yeah, I kept forgetting mine too. Oops.

    Dawn’s last blog post..Hair – On a very special BlogHer recap

  85. I think you looked smashing in your blonde wig. Or at least in the picture you did! And from the sound of the comments of those who actually met you there was nothing wrong with your performance. It sounds like you just kicked it up a notch which I’m sure is something all those BlogHer ladies were waiting for! Way to rock!

    Oh and thanks for you kind words on my new blog!

  86. I am jealous of all the fun that was had in that bathroom, but no like “oh, I want to kick those bitches asses” jealous. Just “darn! I missed out on some good times. I need to get to hooking so I can go party in the bathroom with Jenny next year.” Although I might not make it past the plane. Maybe Mrs. Flinger can help me with that part…she can be my seeing eye lady or my bitch slapper or something!


    Mrs. Tantrum’s last blog post..Almost Famous

  87. “I did a reading at the Community Keynote and (surprisingly) was the only one drinking heavily backstage and (unsurprisingly) was the only one who had to physically hang on to the stage curtain to keep from falling over because “the stage was slanty” (it wasn’t). ”

    A little confidence builder is excellent just before making an important speech!

    threio’s last blog post..Toucan Sam coming Home

  88. So THAT’S where you were. And you totally said “I’ll meet you in the bathroom” to me and it didn’t click that you ACTUALLY meant you’d meet me in the bathroom. What a moron I am.

    You were awesome, BTW.

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Sometimes Life Gets In The Way

  89. I laughed so hard I cried during your Community Keynote reading. You rock, big time. And you’re beautiful. I really wish I could have gone to the People’s Party & hung out with you and everyone else (or stood in a corner and felt like a dork, which is probably what would have happened), but I felt like I had to put my son to bed & hang out with my hubby, since he was taking my son to school, etc., so I could go to BlogHer. That’s the problem with BlogHer being in your hometown. That, and my life is run by guilt.

    (P.S. I’m sorry this comment isn’t funny or clever but I’m just in too much awe of you.) (P.P.S. Was that grammatical? I don’t think so. Oh well.)

    Cynthia’s last blog post..Just back from BlogHer ’08, and now have blogger’s block.

  90. […] of the Day, from The Bloggess: Like a tornado filled with glitter and pretty […]

  91. Well it wasn’t apparent that you thought the stage was tilty (good news), and peeing in urinals is an art (good news?). Did you do a demonstration, or just an explanation?

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..And a couple more thoughts, now that I’m starting to think

  92. Oh, just an explanation. Possibly a mild demonstration…but with clothes on. I think.

    Shit. Must stop drinking.

  93. I would have been disappointed if you hadn’t made a scene! And I kept telling people to look for you in the bathrooms – see? It was where YOUR party was going on!

    Don’t go changing – you are priceless!

    we_be_toys’s last blog post..Just Hear Those Sleigh Bells Ringaling

  94. Okay, you were the high point of my night! You were absolutely hilarious and I blogged about you because I accidentally told the girl who tried to kill herself when she was 7 months pregnant that she was HILARIOUS because I thought it was you without the wig. It was embarrassing to say the least. Seriously, cunt is my favorite word and it just isn’t used enough for my taste!

    stefanie’s last blog post..Everyone Wants To Be Famous

  95. let’s be roomies next year. we can be fucktards hiding in the bathroom together.

    but, erm..why the MEN’S room? eww

    biddy’s last blog post..picture it…sicily…1923

  96. This post? Brilliant. And classy.

    What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU…. your readers rock!

    And dammit if I missed the party with you and Mocha in the lav. The best time she and I ever had together was in a trunk… and there was no amaretto to be found within a hundred miles. Literally.

    Kristen’s last blog post..Cause people have so many things to say to me

  97. i can not wait to watch the video. my employer may or may not know that they pay me to not only plan weddings, but to read blogs too… however, i think they might notice something has gone awry if i start watching videos of drunken bloggesses at my desk.

    speaking of my job… my phone just rang and normally i’m supposed to say “private events, this is katie?”… but in the middle of saying it i thought how funny it would be if i said “private vaginas!” then i burst into laughter and couldn’t stop and i hung up in mid gasp. its truly amazing i have an actual job.

    katie’s last blog post..depression > grumpy

  98. You had me cracking up at your wonderful craziness. I have a friend who used to do peeing contests with her sisters and friends to see who could pee the farthest, when they were little girls. (kind of like boys aiming far) I always thought that was kind of funny until I read your post and learned that other women do the same thing. Priceless!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Order Your Bodega Party in a Box Today

  99. OH and one more thing! I’m going to BlogHer next year for sure!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Order Your Bodega Party in a Box Today

  100. So what you are saying is that in order to be famous I have to be slightly wierd. Not fully, but just slightly.

    I hope the curtains smelled good.

  101. What is this BlogHer that everyone is talking about? I was online all weekend and never heard anyone mention it.

    Neil’s last blog post..Never Trust Men or Dockers

  102. 103
    Just A. Reader

    Who loves you, Bloggess? (Everyone.) Who told you everyone loves you? (I did.)

  103. That was The Best YouTube video I have ever watched. Oh, except for the ones that feature my kid. But seriously, I peed my pants.

    alli’s last blog post..O what peace we often forfeit

  104. Oh, god.

    Ok. First of all, your keynote was fucking awesome and hilarious.

    Second, it was totally the Backstreet Boys, and not just Nick Carter. Kevin was there too.

    Later they turned into the Yahoo boys who you abused at length for not knowing how to spell Bloggess.

    And I feel confident there was spillage at some point, but maybe I just wanted my photo taken with my hand on the Bloggess’s boobs. Who knows.

    Missy’s last blog post..My First Brush With Fame Award

  105. I’ve got it on video, too and I watched it every time I wish I wasn’t working! Since we are both in Houston, I’m pretty sure that drinks are in order. And I’m buying!

  106. you were by the far the best thing about the whole weekend. what a clusterfuckapalooza!

    at one point i tried to jump from my 9th floor hotel room but the window was painted shut. figures.

    don’t worry about the whole ‘confidence wig’ thing. i have a ‘confidence tampon’ that i only wear on days i feel insecure. i don’t know what’s wrong with it, but it’s getting to be a bitch, getting in and out.


    shauna’s last blog post..we are live people!

  107. One thing I’ve definitely discovered: Don’t believe the hype. But I believe in you, chica. You rule.

  108. This post is great!!! I appreciate the fact that you admit to being drunk in public, whilst addressing a LARGE crowd!!!
    Right on…
    Also checked out Good Mom/Bad Mom – I recently relo’d back to Houston from L.A.!!!
    P.S. thanks for the mention of us on!!! Mucho appreciated…

  109. You look AWESOME! I am so jealous! (for many reasons) but I have “known” Aimee/GreebleMonkey for about 6 yrs and I still haven’t met her face to face.

    It looks like it was a BLAST!!!!!

    Any local get togethers in the works??

    Erica/TxGambit’s last blog post..I miss my babies!!!!!


    Your Mrs Flinger sticker fell off. I WAS HELPING!

    Missy’s last blog post..The Fucking Awesome Mythical Hobbit Jesus Santa Award: Jenny, the Bloggess

  111. You met Missy from Australia! I love her!

    She totally just came up to my lonely table one day, plopped herself down and said “I’m Missy I love your blog” or words to that effect but I totally wasn’t paying attention because I was all “Did she come here all the way from Australia? That is some bloggy dedication. I almost couldn’t get myself on the train to come here this morning.”

    And she was awesome.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Why Not?

  112. I love that for all the people who’ve been “I hated blogher, no one talked to me, I didn’t make any friends, blah blah blah”, you’re holding court in the crapper.

    That’s seriously classic.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..A child died today

  113. Bring on the more. I won’t be able to sleep until you do.

    manager mom’s last blog post..I’ve Had The Time Of My Life

  114. I think the stage was slanty, but only for you. I blame the ninjas.

    Shania’s last blog post..A deconstruction of the implications of lifestyle choices on the future of the world

  115. But don’t they always say everyone always gravitates toward the washroom at parties? Oh, er, maybe it was the kitchen…. Oh, I don’t know. I’m drunk. Well, no I’m not. But, would like to be?

    Love the wig…! You look hawt!

    Haley-O’s last blog post..Why I Blog

  116. Okay, next year? I’m totally getting a suite and having a party in the huge ass bathroom of said suite. And I will take pictures of you with my Nikon instead of PhotoBooth.

    Recovering Straight Girl’s last blog post..BlogHer08 Wrap Up

  117. Now that was some funny shit.

  118. Ahhh bless her. There’s nothing wrong with touting around with a security blanket but maybe next time you could take something with you, something a tad smaller and more portable.

    Maddy’s last blog post..Pincer Grip

  119. I’ve never thought of buying a confidence wig. I usually buy red clothing to boost my confidence. Then I have a closet full of red clothing. OMG! I am my own therapist because I just realized that lately I have very few red clothes so I must be feeling pretty good.

    simplypink’s last blog post..feels something like summertime

  120. I just surfed over from amalah and read a bunch of your posts and I am now officially in love. In a non-threatening, I live thousands of miles away kind of way, of course. And that’s not just the wine talking. Mind you, it doesn’t usually talk. Usually it just sits there in the glass looking pretty until I drink it. So that’s how I know.

    Um… Where was I?

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..The Saddest News in the World

  121. My fave was the people at my table who had no clue who the fuck you were…

    They kept looking at me and asking if ‘you were for real!?’

    What could I say..I just read your blog!!

    I wish I had talked to you though…sigh

    crunchy carpets’s last blog post..Not About BlogHer..really

  122. There had better be some video of your keynote! Sounds amazing.

    Raging Dad’s last blog post..Penguins and wild dogs

  123. Oh Jenny! Had so much fun meeting you! Bathrooms forever! lol…

    ~Laura Iriarte/aka @lauralovesart

    Laura Iriarte’s last blog post..Product Review ~ Mott’s Cinnamon Applesauce

  124. Oh now see – I *knew* there was a reason I was sitting in the hallway outside the bathroom!! (I’m going to say it had to do with me mystically avoiding having my picture posted up there – but really it was because my feet hurt and I was cranky and those WEREN’T the Backstreet Boys – they were ostensibly ‘guys from Yahoo’ who were following @LauraLovesArt around like lovesick puppies!)

    Still, you are the rockinest!! Don’t you worry a thing about, well, a thing! We all adored you for being just exactly who you are! At least your neuroses are funny and entertaining – mine are just anti-social and kinda scary around the edges! 😉

    I’d party in any bathroom with you, any time. You are an amazing woman and I’m so thrilled I got to see you for real! Next year – screw the Peoples’ Party – we’ll have the Peoples’ Traveling Bathroom Parties – smaller venues for more agoraphobic BlogHers! 🙂

  125. See, you just should have come and hid in my room because I was trapped in there with a sleeping Faith – but somehow the bathroom looks more exciting.

    I have social anxiety disorder and I totally would have stood up to kick someone’s ass, but I probably would have fainted or vomited and it just would have made everything worse.

    Everyone loves you, except maybe hobbits who can’t differentiate between hobbits and fucking awesome hobbits – and we just don’t need that shit. We need xanax.

    I’m taking a confidence mustache next year.

    holli’s last blog post..The Sisterhood of BlogHer.

  126. When I forget my antidepressants my brain starts to wiggle and shiver.

    I try very very hard not to forget for this reason.

    Emily’s last blog post..The Hermit VS Kermit

  127. Just so ya know, I LURVE you! You are funny and kind and you better keep on blogging!

    As for Blogher next year, you…me…and all the Celexa in the world! in the bathroom of course.

    Katrina’s last blog post..Protected: We have walking!

  128. Damn, I’ve got a hangover just from reading this. For the rest of the day, I’m going to think about getting a confidence wig.

    Franki’s last blog post..Bonkey Says, “Huh?”

  129. Man, was I at the wrong address. You rock on, J.

    always home and uncool’s last blog post..BlogHer ’08 and the Damage Done

  130. I love you people. Seriously. I want to impregnate you all.

  131. Unless you don’t want to be impregnanted. Then you can just have some gum. Either one. Impregnation (?) or gum. Your choice. Also, I need to get some sperm.

  132. 133
    Just A. Reader

    We eagerly await impregnation so that we may bear you a multitude of Tiny Bloggesses (not to be confused with Tiny Sasquatches).

    Ummm, wait right there for just a minute. I need to make an appointment for a womb transplant.

  133. Holy shit, Emily better win for comment of the day.

  134. Not that being impregnated by the Bloggess doesn’t sound AWESOME, I just don’t think the world is ready for that yet. So, I think I may just have to settle for the gum!

    Fuck, on second thought, I think I’ll take the impregnation. I’ve always wanted kids. 🙂

    Greis (Grace)’s last blog post..Like a Twinkie, but not…

  135. I think you are wonderful.
    That’s all.

    Mrs. Fussypants’s last blog post..It is over, and I am so darn happy

  136. Can I borrow your pretty kaftan-dress? Puh-leeeeeeze?

    2kids3martinis’s last blog post..Living

  137. Glad you DID come out. You are teh awesome. And totally cute. *TOTALLY*

    Sorry for crashing your video with Carl the flyswatter. teeheehee
    Hope it turned out!

    VDog’s last blog post..We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled *BlogHer Recap* Programming For A Mommyblog RANT

  138. I can’t believe how many people came to my blog after your tweet. I’m not kidding, record day. On a day I thought nobody would come, you have no idea, I totally cried.

    You have fucking brilliant bizarro superpowers, you know that?


    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Is this thing on?

  139. Wow, you really know how to party. I’ve only used the men’s bathroom once, and that was to vomit.

    bejewell’s last blog post..Manic Monday on Wednesday

  140. Dude. After seeing this video, I totally regret not having you at my wedding. I have a feeling we would have made the nightly news.

    Chase’s last blog post..Oh Yeah. Those Picture Things.

  141. Jenny: We need to have a drink together.
    Megan: Yes! At Ruby Skye tonight.
    Jenny: No. Right now in the bathroom.
    Megan: Um….
    Jenny: I have airplane bottles of booze in my bag right here. Let’s go.
    Megan: (stunned into amazed worship)

    No, I didn’t drink with you in the bathroom at the party, but drinking in the middle of the day with you and Mocha Momma was clearly the superior choice. I just had to bide my time.

    Seriously, I’ll never drink coffee without booze again. Ever. Such a waste of time.

    And just ditto everything everyone else has said. Crying laughing at the keynote. Velma from A Smeddling Kiss sat next to me and thought she would need her inhaler.

    Velveteen Mind – Megan’s last blog post..Like Tom Hanks but Without the Cash

  142. You are funny (I’m new here)…SHE is an untalented, one note hack. If SHE had written what you wrote (which, by the way, was not in any way insulting), SHE would have found it hilarious. If you really want to insult her, cut and paste a bunch of blog entries, “edit” them and call them a book (don’t forget to moan for months about how much work it is)! I’m sure yours would be more enjoyable to read.

  143. Your impregnation wish made me remember this, the most awesome creature in the entire world:

    Pseudobiceros Hancockanus (that’s their actual name): http://www.pbs.org/kcet/shapeoflife/episodes/hunt_explo2.html

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Sauerkraut and Rumours

  144. I would kill to have hung out and drank with you in the bathroom. Ok, I couldn’t have drank…did you say drinking? Sorry I have wine on the brain.

    I have not seen such an outpouring of love for one blogger as I’ve seen this week. It’s pretty dam awesome.

    Issa’s last blog post..She’s says I need help: well duh, that’s why I pay you lady!

  145. Ok, I was going to totally be witty in the comment but the commenter who talked about poor Guy Kawasaki needed to pee but was intimidated made me laugh my ass off.

    You fucking rock.

    That is all.

    loralee’s last blog post..I made out at BlogHer and I can’t even use, “I love Jesus, but I drink a little” as an excuse. *Edited. Which means that the other half of the photos I uploaded actually show up now.

  146. I KNEW this was the year to go. DAMN IT!!!

    Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..Negotiating With God

  147. All I can say is that I’m a TOTAL loser for not going. I feel like I missed Joplin’s last concert or something. Off to pull out my eyebrows….

    Ann’s last blog post..Carpet Art, A Dog Psychic, & A Throwdown

  148. Ha! My comment got caught by a “sick freak” filter! Woohoo!

    Seriously, though. That’s their real name. And they fence.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Sauerkraut and Rumours

  149. You’re topping my must meet list.

    Mama C-ta’s last blog post..Mama Ain’t Raisin’ No Genius

  150. I’ve gotta get me one of them confidence wigs

    and the idea about hiding out in the mens room at BlogHer? sheer brilliance. I remembering that one. Of course, next year the mens room at blogher is going to be full of all of us who read this post and needed a time out.

    judy haley (coffeejitters)’s last blog post..The Best Use for Worn Out Panties

  151. Not only should you be allowed to mix with real people, I would highly recommend it. I know it’s hard sometimes, but think of it as altruistic. It’s not fair for Victor and Hailey to be the only ones exposed to your awesomeness!! That’s too much awesomeness to be contained!

    BTW…LOVING the dress!!

    JessicaC’s last blog post..Sleeping with Sock Monkeys…I’m Cheap!

  152. I’m gonna have to get one of these confidence wigs…

    SpondyGirl’s last blog post..Thursday Fun

  153. First off, i’m a complete newbie to the blogging scene, and I guess i’m a faker because I only have a food blog, but i have just discovered the fabulosity that is the bloggess and you my dear have muther fucking king kong size balls, and I would gladly lick them during my impregnation.

    that is all.

    Laura’s last blog post..Chocolate Mascarpone Cheesecake?

  154. Ooooooooooh you are hilarious. I love your story telling style. Thanks for the report.

    c.a. Marks’s last blog post..The Daily Plate

  155. […] someone with 153 comments actually read all of […]

  156. I’ve decided that we need to have a Confidence Wig Party. I’ve always wanted to be a blonde, despite the fact that I’m Asian that blonde Asians. . .well they send a “special” kind of message to the world. Let’s do it!

    Cory O’s last blog post..Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery?

  157. I am off to get a confidence wig…? Everyone should have one!

    ourcrookedtree’s last blog post..On Social Media~ What Does It All Mean

  158. When I sell my children to the gypsies so I can come to Blogher next year, can I please hang out in the men’s room with you?

    Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Haiku Friday – Search Terms Edition

  159. Off the friggin’ chain … confidence wig and all! Gotta love that – smiles! Looking forward to reading more…

    Wifey’s last blog post..100 Posts, But Who’s Counting

  160. Blogher09 Team Bloggess t-shirts.

    Esthela’s last blog post..last count: 465,342

  161. I was in the bathroom as you gave instructions as to how to pee standing up. I was trying so hard not to laugh because I thought it was a serious vid for something super important.

    I wish I’d known you were in there…I would have hid with you. Instead, I just left. It was way too packed and overwhelming. In a fabulous way, though!!!

    Christine’s last blog post..BlogHer recap #2: Or, the one about being got.

  162. I’m bummed I didn’t make it to BlogHer. I would’ve loved to have met you. True Story.

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..The One Eyed Creeper

  163. I once wore a huge afro wig and danced on a bar while skinny assed drunk white guys shoved dollar bills in my ankle boots – can we be confidence wig friends????

    flybunny’s last blog post..The Day After

  164. I once wore a huge afro wig and danced on a bar while skinny assed drunk guys shoved dollar bills in my ankle boots – can we be confidence wig friends???? Because there was now way in hell that I would have done that sober or without a wig.

  165. I don’t have anything particularly profound or witty to say except that I’m glad that I found your blog and I want to give you a hug.

    Lorrie’s last blog post..There Is A Cure For The Summertime Blues

  166. How many guys were at blogher? I’m considering going next year, and my husband is all bout it bout it…

  167. wow. i totally thought everyone was kidding about being in the men’s room.

    Yo’s last blog post..happy campers

  168. The men’s room? Ech. I hope it was clean.

    Captain Steve’s last blog post..Give me the good stuff.

  169. I love your confidence wig. Could I use you as a case study at the next anxiety disorders conference? I’m thinking, “New and Fabulous Treatments for Social Anxiety: Confidence Wigs and Respit in the Men’s Restroom”

    Your blogher keynote address was hilarious. What I heard of it!

    phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..my favoritest, largest jewel

  170. 171

    I just wanted to say that you are awesome. I “get” your jokes, even if some people can’t laugh at themselves. You are beautiful inside and out (even though I’ve never met you).

  171. I missed your reading because I had to go feed a demanding baby. And I missed you in the bathroom because I had to drink heavily while other people were holding that demanding baby of mine.

    And I miss you now, because I love you to pieces and wish you lived next door.

    mothergoosemouse’s last blog post..The car DVD player: peace and quiet, or complete chaos?

  172. I loved the bathroom party with you. The Yahoo guys who followed my friend into the bathroom, not so much. But it was memorable.

    Your party rocked, and thrilled I actually got a picture with you before you high-tailed it to the loo.

    One complaint: the booze was gone by the time I got there from Guy’s. That sucked.

    And your comment about a tornado filled with glitter and pretty shoes? Frickin’ brilliant. You have more talent in your little finger than many have in their whole blog. If they be hatin…ignore it.


    TLC@SendChocolate’s last blog post..Yes, But Does It Come With a Wardrobe?

  173. If it helps at all, I found you fairly charming, even in the bathroom. Though I do not own a confidence wig, one of my blogher roommates does. I tried it on but found it reduced my confidence. Maybe that has something to do with my super dark eyebrows clashing with the blond wig.

    nonlineargirl’s last blog post..Dear Friends

  174. What can I say that 170 people didn’t say before me?

    I’ll admit, I didn’t really “get you” at first. I thought you just really loved the spotlight or something. The last keynote drama was weird, but I didn’t know the whole story.

    And when I heard about the anxiety thing… well, I also have mega anxiety and I can tell you that I don’t think I have the balls to get on a stage and do what you did, wig or no wig.

    Plus I vaguely recall having a wicked drunken convo with you on a random street corner after the Mighty Haus party and I think that’s when I decided I wanted to have your babies. Plus your green opera coat thingy was spectacular. So glad you didn’t stay home.

  175. I can’t believe you own a confidence wig. You kill me. Oh goodness.

    I *heart* you. And feel free to call me a hobbit any day. Although we’ve met in person, so I guess I’m not an awesome mythical creature, am I? Damn.

  176. Wow, girl, you were really hammered. But it seems like it’s fluttering on you and you still rocked. Works for me 😉

    Elisa’s last blog post..Stella’s productive week (from the “Stella the Charming Terror” series)

  177. […] invited to the blogher parties, talking about not fitting in, envying the skill and successes (and even the artful neuroses) of other bloggers, lifting my insecure writer skirts being both entirely unseemly and so […]

  178. I can’t stop fixating on that one picture with the urinals. It is just the strangest thing.

    I had to blog about you. LOL! Frickin funny blog, btw. I’m a bloggess virgin. 🙂


    thedemigod’s last blog post..Transsexual Urinal

  179. That convention sounds like it was fun. I’m reading this months later, as I just found your blog last week through Antonia at Whooppee–but you know that, ’cause you commented on the post where I linked to you. (And, now that I’ve spent the better part of a week reading you, I know that the term for that is “kawasakied.”)

    I’m not part of BlogHer and I’ve never been to one of their conventions, but I’m beginning to think I should both join and go. I saw that Philadelphia is in the running for the next site. Fingers crossed, ’cause I live near there and could maybe browbeat/wheedle/cajole/bribe my sister and another friend who live near there to come with me.

    –V’s last blog post..Avalanche!

  180. […] mean… OK. Let’s just not go into it. Besides, I think the searcher was looking for this Jenny… Who, by the way, said I could hang out with her in the men’s bathroom at the next […]

  181. Men’s rooms are gross and smell like pee.

  182. First of all, I know it’s cheesy, but I love you and your blog.
    The video of you speaking was really shocking or maybe just mildly shocking. But anyway, I was really surprised by your um. . . valley girl accent. I think you should consider investing in a brunette “confidence wig” to balance things out a bit.
    .-= Hillsy´s last blog ..Myspace Stalking/ Keeping up with Friends =-.

  183. […] every year I wear a confidence wig (or two) because I’m scared of people and it helps me pretend that I’m someone else but […]

  184. […] notes that it’s probably pretty strange to be in the ladies room with a bunch of men.  Clearly this woman does not know me well.  She didn’t really explain what type of haunting occurred in the stall but my guess is […]

  185. Wow, this looked like one fun filled night. And, yes I don’t think you should leave the house either lol.

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