If I were you I wouldn’t read this.

So apparently you’re supposed to do a 2008 year-in-review post on your blog but no one told me about it so I’m doing it late but it’s awesome because it’s a post that I don’t really have to write.  Just one that I have to research, analyze, link to and introduce.  And you get to read reruns.  Yay!  We both lose.

The most popular most viewed bloggess posts in 2008:

1.    So I got a box in the mail filled with 80 body parts.

2.  An open letter to Apple regarding dead hobo fingers

3.  A letter to my very anal husband who is asleep in the other room

4.  Naked pictures of me

5.  The fruit test

6.  Best scooter ever (Updated again)

7.  And now I totally want a pet chicken

8.  This is the third post I’ve written today and I want a medal (alternate title – How to deal with trolls)

9.  My cat is worse than global warming.

10.  The post where I finally get sued

Also, in completely unsurprising news, I’m getting my ass handed to me in the Best Humor Blog Contest by the Comics Curmugeon.  In brighter news though I got sort of featured in an Ill Doctrine video.  Not in the “Old Person’s Guide to ‘No Homo'” video, which is my personal favorite…

but in this one.  It’s hard to catch but my name pops up for like a half second right when he says “exasperatingly mind-numbing stories that I don’t want to talk about at all“. 

Awesome.

Comment of the day: I currently don’t have a blog, but I still wanted to do a 2008 Year In Review, so, while standing in line at Starbucks, I started enumerating what I thought would have been the most-viewed blogposts if I’d had a blog. I’m reasonably certain the other patrons agreed with my ranking because, except for the child-carrying mom who started shaking her head when I got to number seven, “That’s So Nazi of You” and the short, hairless gnome who harrumphed and stormed out of the store when I listed number nine, “Shine On You Crazy Bald Man,” they completely ignored me. Which is pretty much what I would have done to a Year In Review post, too.   ~ I can’t read my nametag

40 thoughts on “If I were you I wouldn’t read this.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I love that when I view the video, GayThugDating is advertised on the bottom. I wonder if it displayed because of the video’s content — or because it *read my mind*.

    Spamboy’s last blog post..The Friendly Skies

  2. So, is number 1 the most viewed or is number 10 the most viewed?

    I would think number 1, because it’s in first place, but 10 seems like a higher number.

    If I’d known that this was one of those math posts, I never would have clicked on it.

    Off to read The Comics Curmugeon. They would never put me through this.

    Marinka’s last blog post..As You Probably Know, I Have Model-Good Looks

  3. I’m using a comment I did earlier this year. It was my “Best of”:

    The cool thing about trolls is that if you put them in the microwave they explode.

    Oh no wait…that’s babies kittens hot dogs.

    The cool thing about trolls is hot dogs.

    That’s what we call “commenting genius” in the biz. True story.

    Kurt’s last blog post..I Am Not A Manimal!

  4. ok, i totally didn’t read it. just went down here and started commenting. so i have no idea how this comment will go. i might offend someone and the post could be about like rescuing babys from babyfuckers or something.

    so if this is offensive, it’s completely your fault. i mean who would want someone to make light of babyfucking.

    you are filthy. like babyfucker filthy.

    furiousBall’s last blog post..“shia” is just a “t” away from shit

  5. Comics Curmudgeon is shamelessly encouraging readers to stuff the ballot box. You should do the same, except with a degree of shame.

  6. Yeah, I didn’t do the “year in review” thing either. Silly me, I thought people would prefer fresh content… I do like reading your old stuff though since I am new to this blog even though it’s totally famous and crap…

    Libby’s last blog post..What Is This?

  7. I currently don’t have a blog, but I still wanted to do a 2008 Year In Review, so, while standing in line at Starbucks, I started enumerating what I thought would have been the most-viewed blogposts if I’d had a blog. I’m reasonably certain the other patrons agreed with my ranking because, except for the child-carrying mom who started shaking her head when I got to number seven, “That’s So Nazi of You” and the short, hairless gnome who harrumphed and stormed out of the store when I listed number nine, “Shine On You Crazy Bald Man,” they completely ignored me. Which is pretty much what I would have done to a Year In Review post, too.

    Then I had coffee.

  8. So, you’ve got, like, a bazillion fans, but apparently they only love you enough to read and comment. Nobody’s willing to take it one step further and go vote for you.
    Oh, shit, now you’re probably suicidal.
    Forget I said anything. I take it all back!

  9. I just started reading a few weeks ago, so I just read “And now I totally want a pet chicken” and now all I can think about is chicken parrots. It’s like Captain Morgan has a real parrot, but his retarded cousin Admiral Nelson has a genetically engineered KFC chicken on his shoulder instead. Mmmm, rum. The chicken is far more entertaining. I hope you have that picture framed on the wall in your house.

    Lara’s last blog post..Heeeeey FATTY!

  10. I’m just getting into my 3rd month of blogging, so I dont have enough posts yet to do this. Wow, the things I have to look forward to next year.

    Btw, I’m soooo an IllDoctrine fan now.

    Brandy’s last blog post..Demonical Me

  11. I think the hobo finger post was the first one of yours I ever read. Or maybe it was the first one I commented on, because I didn’t have my iPhone then and I always have cold fingers so I thought my dreams of owning one were shot. I did end up getting one, though, and mine works fine with my frigid digits, so I guess it’s jut you. Sorry.

    Also, I’m sorry I didn’t pass on the memo. I totally knew we were supposed to blog about 2008, but I haven’t done my post, either. I never was much of a rule follower.

    Was the letter to your Husband the one about setting the kitchen on fire? That one was a classic (after the hobo finger post I spent a few hours reading the archives).

    Lisa Walsh’s last blog post..It’s Feels Like We Got A Bail Out. Only Not Really.

  12. I’m reading this at the library and laughing really hard but quietly and the homeless man next to me just asked if I was laughing at him. If he kills me, you can have my finger.

  13. Review? What review? I don’t see no stinkin’ review on my blog!

    I guess I suck at following the rules. Happy 2009 Jenny!

    Carrie’s last blog post..Alone

  14. this is also the time of year where we all run around to each other’s blogs wishing each other the win for that award..all the while we’re negotiating with satan for that fucking win and hoping we see you at BlogHer next year so we can have some sort of validation while quietly lording it over you and hoping you don’t snub us at the cocktail parties.

    Oh, and I’m the fattest woman on that panel and I just didn’t get to meet you in ’08. And you’re my hero, in an honest way, for what happened last year. But we won’t talk about that.

    and I’m kidding about the lording thing.

    (who the fuck am I lying to…it would be like winning Wheel of Fortune to me. I would have t-shirts AND condoms made)

    Jesus. I need to get back on the medication.

    crystal’s last blog post..Size Matters

  15. The Fruit Test. That is my all time favorite thing ever. I am laughing just thinking about it. You should know that Big Mouth Billy Bass also makes me laugh every time I think about it, but that’s a whole different thing (I promise, I’m not trying to say you are only funny to people who like campy vinyl fish)

  16. LOL! What a bumper list of entertaining posts! My personal favourite is the angry transvestite army and of course, Affirmation Girl in that Trolls post. That was one funny video! 😀

  17. Um… hate to burst your bubble but I was one of those votes for you and only found your blog 2 days ago so I’m not a loyal follower just yet but am slowly being converted.

    Nihilady’s last blog post..Dark in here

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