Part 2: While William Shatner was busy denying my existence I single-handedly stopped teen pregnancy.

shatner is not pleased

This week on my Sex Column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a total dick):

    This week on the internets:

  • William Shatner blocked me after I asked him to save my marriage.
  • Gawker wrote an entire piece about how I was a scary “psycho” but I’m pretty sure they meant it as a compliment.
  • The ensuing twitter revolt against William Shatner was swift, terrible and really entertaining.  Here’s the link which for some reason goes to my twitter page instead of my twitter favorites when I try to hotlink it so you’ll have to manually copy and paste it if you want to see it: http://twitter.com/thebloggess/favorites . It’s like we’re living in the dark ages, y’all.
  • Then MSNBC picked up the story and defended me, saying I was “funny as all heck and tarnation“.
  • .

    I should point out here that in spite of William Shatner continuing to deny my existence I do still love him and he’s still totally invited over for dinner even though I had to figure out how to save my marriage without him and I can’t give you the details because it’s complicated and personal but it rhymes with “low-jobs”.  Also, a very special thank you to MSNBC for having my back and for giving Yosemite Sam a job again.  I fucking love that guy.

    This week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

    The end.

    Comment of the day: You know, The Shat’s pretty old. Like three times your age. Maybe his doctor made him block you, cuz the excitement was just too much for him.

    Or maybe he just blocks everybody. “Get off my lawn, you damn kids!”  ~El Gregorio

    49 replies. read them below or add one

    1. The upshot is he should be able to get a cheap ticket to come and take you up on the ethnically diverse hooker offer.
      .-= amanda´s last blog ..Freezing the Frames =-.

      Like

    2. If nothing else, all of this has definitely brought you to William Shatner’s attention. Now you’re not just some crazy bitch he blocked on Twitter, you’re a crazy bitch he blocked on Twitter that has an ARMY of people defending you!
      .-= Chibbsy´s last blog ..Beanie Babies! (not really) =-.

      Like

    3. The fact that there is a Bloggess Army out there should truly scare William Shatner under the covers for at least a month. I wonder if he’s hired body guards yet?
      .-= Dijea´s last blog ..Dear Hanes: =-.

      Like

    4. You rock. That is all.

      Like

    5. You know, that what William Shatner gets for blocking you. The rage of the Internet. Who shall we take down next President Admiral?
      .-= Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Month 3 Day 15 =-.

      Like

    6. All I can think about is how William Shatner is being kept awake at night because of all the hate spewed by your Twitter peeps.
      And it keeps me up at night.
      GODDAMNIT, William Shatner. You ARE an asshole.
      .-= Amber Mc´s last blog ..Photo Phriday: Worse Than a Papercut. =-.

      Like

    7. Well fuck me dry. MSNBC now on top of Gawker? HOT DAMN!!

      Please get Nancy W. Kappes’ opinion on this shit as soon as possible.
      .-= Akilah Sakai´s last blog ..The Time Has Come =-.

      Like

    8. Seriously….I wonder if Wil Wheaton is paying attention to this? He’s had beef with the Shat for years.

      Like

    9. so are we still tweeting truth’s about Bill? Like the fact that he ordered a hit on the Travelocity Gnome? Because that is totally true and not slander AT ALL.
      .-= miss thystle´s last blog ..Think on it Thursday: The Reason I don’t have a donkey =-.

      Like

    10. 10
      Willendorf Venus

      You are kind of psycho. But that endearing kind of psycho, not the scary kind. I have actually read a couple of your posts to my pre-teen son. Now, THAT is psycho, exposing a youngster to the writings of an endearing psycho. I HAD to read him your “Advice to Virgins” column. For pedagogical reasons, because they are indoctrinating him in Abstinence-Only un-Sex education this week. You would think that a state with initials KY would have a different curriculum, but no.

      Like

    11. Wait… Anonymous? That’s your picture up there. You have your last name on one of your other sites, And we all know where you live. That’s hardly what I’d call anonymous.

      Wait, this is soundling less they-should-get-their-facts-straight and more I’ve-been-watching-you-sleep-and-I’m-coming-to-get-you which was not my intention at all.

      Uh. msnbc needs to get their facts straight.

      And you might want to invest in an alarm system.
      .-= ktjrdn´s last blog ..Short =-.

      Like

    12. My prediction is that a Bloggess/Shatner summit will happen. You two will hit it off, because best friends and start a twitter account together (twitter handle @TheShatless) It’s going to be AWESOME.
      .-= Y´s last blog ..I not fat, I’m energy deficient. =-.

      Like

    13. The main thing I got from that Gawker post is that you live in Houston, which I found inappropriately exciting. I guess it was mainly because I think of all the trash talking smart/witty bloggers as living in New York. Or maybe Boston. I’m really excited to see someone representing for Texas. Also, since you’re on my “if I weren’t so lazy I’d be a cyber-stalker and if I ever did these are the people I would stalk” list, that would save me a lot of drive time since I’m in Austin.

      Oh, and thanks for the link to Texts from Last Night. I didn’t want to get anything done today anyway.
      .-= Jennifer (Conversion Diary)´s last blog ..7 Quick Takes Friday (vol. 46) =-.

      Like

    14. Or, you know BECOME best friends.
      .-= Y´s last blog ..I not fat, I’m energy deficient. =-.

      Like

    15. p.s. your blog just told me I was commenting “too quickly.” When did your blog become all judgmental?
      .-= Y´s last blog ..I not fat, I’m energy deficient. =-.

      Like

    16. yes, i agree a lovable psycho. The Shat is apparently terrified by real emotions and of course over paying for travel
      .-= fidget´s last blog ..The great burn catastrophe of 09: an update (and other stuff) =-.

      Like

    17. Oh yeah! And I know that you made these, and technically they’re for blog trolls, but here! I figure you need it anyway. https://thebloggess.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/card1.jpg
      .-= Chibbsy´s last blog ..Beanie Babies! (not really) =-.

      Like

    18. The Shatner is without fear. If the Shatner willed it he could destroy us all, it is only through the grace of Shat that we continue to breathe. Also he’s Canadian.
      .-= The Great Joe Bivins´s last blog ..PITCHER: You’ve Got Unpopular Blog! =-.

      Like

    19. You are so going to be a ROCK STAR of the Internet some day really soon…when you are will you autograph my right boob, please? You could autograph it now and avoid the rush of boob signing request.
      .-= Cedarflame´s last blog ..Crap We Should Never Have To Think About =-.

      Like

    20. Totally. Please bring your boob to Houston.

      Like

    21. Also, yeah…I don’t understand why they keep calling me anonymous either. My name’s Jenny Lawson. It’s on my card. Oh wait, no it’s not.

      Like

    22. So I already loved you because you were, indeed, funny as all heck and tarnation. Which is not something I think you would actually say, despite being from Texas, because you have an extremely foul mouth and I’m amazed they let you parent a small child. She will grow up scarred, scarred I tell you! But that’s not the point of this comment – the point is, the fact that you love both Amanda Palmer AND Neil Gaiman (who are a weirdly adorable couple!) means that my love for you is reaching capacity. If you don’t do something to make me stop loving you very soon, I think I might go into a love seizure. If that’s a thing, which it might be. You could cover it on your sex blog!

      Like

    23. ok, I’m now following William Shatner on twitter, NOT because I’m against you, its because I’m FOR you! I’ll let you know if he says any shit about you. I totally got your back.

      You know he’s prolly got a little dick. Can someone verify this please?? I know someone knows *someone* who’s done him. Spill it.
      .-= peedee´s last blog ..I’m Officially Obsessed =-.

      Like

    24. Wouldn’t you be disappointed to learn that William Shatner’s never been on twitter in his life and all this is going on totally without his knowledge, cause I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he has some college kid running that account for him. Note to that kid: You fucked up big time.
      .-= EdenSky´s last blog ..Lil Rainbow Rides Again! =-.

      Like

    25. Why did the articles refer to you as “anonymous”? I think that discredits anything they have to say because clearly if William Shatner is blocking you, you are someone. He wouldn’t bother to block one of the anonymous unwashed, would he? Provided it’s really him and not someone on his payroll (I’m with EdenSky. Not convinced yet).

      Anonymous? Clearly they don’t know their blog royalty.
      .-= annie´s last blog ..And It’s Friday =-.

      Like

    26. you are fucking rad. william shatner? gawker? msnbc? you come over to my house for dinner any time. bring william shatner’s hookers.

      oh, and bring dinner.
      .-= Yo is Me´s last blog ..past and future, folds and collides =-.

      Like

    27. Rhymes with “low-jobs” lol. That is hard to figure out. K bye.
      .-= Jones – Keeping Up With Mom´s last blog ..Reno 911 Drunk Driver =-.

      Like

    28. A haiku to Capt. Kirk. Sorta.
      http://tinyurl.com/llg3eo
      .-= mad´s last blog ..Epitaph =-.

      Like

    29. If the Shat doesn’t unblock you, it’ll be criminal.
      .-= Ryan Meray´s last blog ..RyanMeray: @bchesnutt September 18th is fantastic! Penciling it in until further notice! =-.

      Like

    30. Death to Canadians.

      And, you’re welcome.

      🙂
      .-= AJ in Nashville´s last blog ..John Hughes Addendum =-.

      Like

    31. awesome. That is just so awesome. You are a buzz machine.
      .-= Katy´s last blog ..Pork Chops like Grandma Used to Make =-.

      Like

    32. I’m totally on Shat’s side. Let’s consider this: I have been trying to relay my unabashed love and admiration for you for the better part of a week. That’s a lot of time. It takes a lot of energy to do unabashed stuff you know? This is totally like that time in third grade when I tried to tell Mandy Park that I had a crush on her but she was already kinda, sorta playground dating Tony Zettler and Tony pushed me into the mud for macking on his chick. Shatner is totally going to push me into the mud but I’m ok with that because it’s Bill-fucking-Shatner. The man was there when Spock died for Christ’s sake. And he cried. And he did that thing with the whole KHAAAAAAAAAAAN! which totally gets him points in like a million-kabillion people’s books. Shatner is like Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris doesn’t even know it. That’s some serious power. How do you expect to beat that? Honestly woman? My love is weening and I might very well be developing a bro-crush for William Shatner. If I turn gay, my mother will blame you.
      .-= C.J.´s last blog ..William Shatner killed my chances at requited love with The Bloggess but I don’t care because he’s awesome. =-.

      Like

    33. I’m jealous. MSNBC has never taken my side.
      .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..The 3 H’s =-.

      Like

    34. Shat had to block you….it was that or out his secret lust for gnomes.

      Like

    35. Jenny, seriously, who cares about William Shatner, okay I do a little but has HE made it to MSNBC? You are just as famous as he is now except you just haven’t had as many TV shows and movies but who cares right? You have followers….many followers…….some of them even could even be considered stalkers or wolverines. So, can William Shatner say that? I think not. And who knows, you may be invited to the White House for beer with the President if this “feud” continues with William Shatner. Now that would be ____________________, well you fill in the blank.

      Like

    36. 37
      El Gregorio

      You know, The Shat’s pretty old. Like three times your age. Maybe his doctor made him block you, cuz the excitement was just too much for him.

      Or maybe he just blocks everybody. “Get off my lawn, you damn kids!”

      Like

    37. You realize that, by pissing off The Shat, you have probably started a war with Canada (Yes, The Shat is Canadian eh.) If we’re lucky, President Obama will surrender Detroit to the Canadians. And throw in Newark, for good measure.

      And Hailey’s grand-daughter’s school texts will blame this all on… Victor.

      ~EdT.
      .-= Ed T.´s last blog ..Watching You, Watching Me… =-.

      Like

    38. You are funny as all heck and tarnation and it’s really comforting that MSNBC recognized that (I mean – they do have to be sorta cool as they have Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow on their network.)

      I think VW totes meant it as a compliment. They pretty much mean everything as a compliment, me thinks…

      Keep on being adorably psycho.
      .-= Kate´s last blog ..True Fail Saturday: =-.

      Like

    39. Dude. William Shatner had no idea he would make you into even more of a star when he blocked you, did he? Now you are almost more famous than he is 🙂
      .-= Elisa´s last blog ..Living on a prayer (and out of a suitcase) no more =-.

      Like

    40. […] respond, I went to send him a link about how much I love him, WILLIAM SHATNER BLOCKED ME, Gawker called me an interesting psycho, MSNBC covered the feud, thousands of people made me laugh hysterically as they rallied […]

      Like

    41. 42
      AprylsAntics

      William Shatner trains telemarketers and invented packing peanuts.

      Like

    42. […] Comming across a find like this is awesome for one thing, but it’s even better when she’s engaged in a full out war against William Shatner: […]

      Like

    43. MSNBC is on your side… does this mean that Fox News will be on Shatner’s side just out of spite!
      .-= Los Angelista´s last blog ..The Moral Case For Health Care =-.

      Like

    44. This has “Reconciliation on Conan O’Brien” written all over it.
      .-= laurie´s last blog ..Is This the Coolest Quilty Thing Ever or What? =-.

      Like

    45. He’s just playing hard to get.
      .-= Diana´s last blog ..This is Lapa.This is, verbatim, what my mom wrote in an email… =-.

      Like

    46. Since when are you “anonymous”, everyone knows U, that is hardly anonymous!
      .-= Jules´s last blog ..Is The Word “Feminist” Broken? =-.

      Like

    47. I know, right? Weird.

      Like

    48. […] clear to me and I was part of The Bloggess’s Twitter army — see The Bloggess Part One, Part Two, Part Three and Part Four — which besieged William Shatner until he unblocked The Bloggess. […]

      Like

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