Giant squid phobia – Page 3

The internet wants me to be a super-fat shut-in, God hates kittens

Today I started a diet and it’s not going well because I’m starving and I used to be really good at anorexia but I’m not anymore and all I can think about is mashed potato sandwiches, so I thought I’d visit some blogs to distract me and then this happened: So then I left that comment andContinue reading “The internet wants me to be a super-fat shut-in, God hates kittens”

50 things is 49 to many

My friend Arianne said I should write 50 things I like about myself to make myself feel better about having just been totally dissed by all of my friends and several construction workers who just saw me naked which would possibly be really easy to do if I hadn’t just been dissed by all of my friendsContinue reading “50 things is 49 to many”

I'm quite afraid I've built up this ninja post too much

So according to my blog keyword search, a crazy amount of people are insanely paranoid about ninjas and are crap spellers. I mean, I’m obviously not one to cast stones after my recent, tiny ninja punctuation crisis but this shit is ridiculous. I mean, no judgment and I totally can’t tell which of you got here by butchering ninja phrases but really? InContinue reading “I'm quite afraid I've built up this ninja post too much”

Puerto Rico, part one: Things I learned in first class

(Taken directly from my journal because I’m lazy.) Things I learned on my trip to Puerto Rico: 1. The President’s Club at the airport offers free alcohol. Surprisingly, no one is drunk. 2. There are no President’s and lots of old white people in the President’s Club. Disappointing on both parts. 3. I just figured out why no oneContinue reading “Puerto Rico, part one: Things I learned in first class”

We are tight like O.J.’s glove

Random hallway conversation with coworker: Kregg: If I’m ever dying in the hospital I just hope someone shows up with a hammer and a pillow. Me: Oh, I’ll do it. No problem. Kregg: Aw, thanks. Me: I’ll be all “Kregg said he wanted these” and then I’ll just lay them down in the bed nextContinue reading “We are tight like O.J.’s glove”

If my blog was a cocktail party, someone would be topless

I like to randomly click though my comments and pretend that I’m throwing a cocktail party for all my friends and that I’m just picking up little bits and pieces of their bizarre, disjointed conversations as I drunkenly push my way to the bathroom. For example: Nonlinear girl: What kind of Christians are these that have such a bigContinue reading “If my blog was a cocktail party, someone would be topless”