my cat’s toes – Page 3

Men don’t understand science.

This was supposed to be a post about how awesome towels are but then my cat Rolly fucked it all up. I was going to share my discovery about how if you wrap your hair up in a tight towel-turban when you’re upside down after a shower it pulls your face-skin back so it’s all tautContinue reading “Men don’t understand science.”

The ASPCA doesn’t care if your dog is awesome or not.

So lately my rheumatoid arthritis has spread into my feet, making it almost impossible to walk and Victor felt so sorry for me that he decided to get me a puppy, which is a lot like giving a piano to someone who is only a torso but WHO CARES BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING PUPPY!Continue reading “The ASPCA doesn’t care if your dog is awesome or not.”

To be honest with you I don’t even like dead whores

Fun Fact: In the last month, 25 people have found this blog by googling the phrase: “It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores”. So…you’re welcome? PS. You could replace “Fun Fact” with “I think I’ve found my tribe and sometimes they bewilder the shit out of me” and it would still be true. Also, you people who came here searchingContinue reading “To be honest with you I don’t even like dead whores”

My cat is fucking awesome.

My cat has a bad-ass paw claw. Comment of the day: Whoever played that cat in that video did not do a very convincing job. I knew the cat was fake. ~Neil

Hallmark is missing a big market

Conversation with a friend: Me: So we had to put Bubba to sleep. Justin: What happened? Me: The doctor started squeezing him and he popped his bladder or something. Victor was all “I think he done broke our cat” and it turned out that, yeah, he did. But it was going to happen anyway. He had someContinue reading “Hallmark is missing a big market”

Fun and hell and blogrolls and cats that aren’t dead

You know how old people say “like fun I will” instead of “like hell I will”? Why are fun and hell interchangeable for old people? Shouldn’t they be mutually exclusive? This is the shit that keeps me up at night. ******************** Housekeeping: I need to update my blogroll but I’m terribly lazy. If you think youContinue reading “Fun and hell and blogrolls and cats that aren’t dead”