The Bloggess

JAPAN!

June 8, 2019in International incidents, Random Crap, weekly reruns

We’re leaving tomorrow to take Hailey to Japan for a week and I’m full of anxiety because I am a terrible traveler but Hailey and Victor are okay with me hiding in the hotel so it’s good that they have low expectations. That said, I really want to go to the Parasite Museum and watch a robot do burlesque and hike through a volcano and you should let me know if there is anything else amazingly weird that we absolutely should do/see in Japan.

Since I’m leaving tomorrow I’m doing my weekly wrap-up early and I’m not sure if I’ll have access to my blog in Japan so next week I think I’m going to share some of the best-loved bloggess posts of the last 12 years. If you have a special request, let me know.

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And on an entirely different subject, it’s time for the Sunday wrap-up!

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

As requested: Lawson Academy for Gifted Strangelings Bookbag

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

A lot of you asked me about my TMS treatment for depression and anxiety and I asked my doctor the questions and we decided it was easier to just make a casual video where I ask him the questions and you can see me in the chair getting treatment. If you aren’t interested in TMS this will bore the shit out of you but if you are like me and anxious about treatment about anxiety it may help.
My parents have not managed to catch the small survivors of the Oregon Trail but they are thriving and eating all of the my dad’s shop cat food.
My favorite part about this is all the explanations you came up with for how it got there.
Damn good company.
Relatable.

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Storyworth. Remember my post about my dad’s stories? Father’s Day is next Sunday, and a StoryWorth book is the perfect present for your father/grandfather/etc. Once a week for a year, he’ll get an email with a question about his life – asking him to describe his life in high school, or his favorite memory of you as a child. All he has to do is reply with a story, which is forwarded to you and any other family members you invite. At the end of the year, his stories are bound in a beautiful keepsake book you will cherish. I can’t recommend it enough. Get $20 off at www.storyworth.com/bloggess.

Once it’s in a book it’s a real word. That’s the law, I think.

June 5, 2019in Random Crap

Words in my next book that spell-check says aren’t real:

Janky.

Tricksy.

Panickedly.

Vomity.

Halfsies.

Floaty.

Dickhole.

Bitey.

Crotchal.

Thingie.

Laggy.

Naugahyde.

Borked.

Welp.

Weirdos.

Judgy.

Cootch.

Squoosh.

Roadkill.

Wronger.

Chupacabra.

Teets.

Foxen.

Rigamarole.

Battlestar Galactica.

Betitted. It’s my new favorite word.

June 3, 2019in Random Crap

I was looking at swimsuits at the mall but I didn’t want to try them on because I already hate myself enough and I told the lady helping me that they should have more realistic mannequins so that I wouldn’t have to try stuff on to see that there’s no way my boobs are going to fit in those skimpy things and the lady agreed completely in theory but said that if the mannequins were more realistic people would try to have sex with them and I’m pretty sure that’s a big jump but she was like, “Even the headless, armless, completely flat mannequins are getting groped and undressed every time I turn my back so I can’t even imagine what would happen if they were fully betitted” and I was a little sad for humanity, but also “betitted” is my new favorite word even though spellcheck says it isn’t real.

This isn’t a real post but it’s a nice one

May 29, 2019in Random Crap, TMS is painful but not as painful as depression

So today was my last day of TMS treatment. 40+ hours in the chair. And I think? I think maybe I’m in remission from my depression? I’m afraid to say it out loud in case I jinx it all but I feel good and I’ve felt good for a few weeks, which is a long time for me to go without a depressive funk. It’s probably not forever, but it’s something…and I’ll take it.

In the last month I’ve worked on my book. I’ve left the house. I’ve answered emails and phone calls. Victor and Hailey usually travel without me because I’m not a traveler. They’re going to Japan in a few weeks and Hailey asked if I’d come with them this time. And I said yes. I’ve already warned them that I’ll probably stay in the hotel and just read while they explore but even that is a big step and one I’m happy about it. And scared about.

I’m feeling a lot of stuff right now…lucky, afraid, hopeful. But it’s good to feel. It’s a nice change from the exhaustive numbness of depression. And I’m writing this down so that I remember that it’s worth fighting for the good days even if you know the bad days will probably come again. You’re worth fighting for too. I promise.

Name that bear

May 27, 2019in Random Crap

This weekend I made a new friend and live-tweeted it and it was glorious and terrifying:

So basically I thought I had a great bear name and then I saw all the other great bear names and now we need a new poll. Also, the bear is gender neutral at the moment and I’m gonna need a line on a triple-XL kilt probably.

Lawson Academy for Gifted Strangelings

May 24, 2019in Random Crap

This week I posted about our decision to homeschool Hailey and honestly I expected some pushback but instead you guys were supportive and wonderful and came up with a million great suggestions and I was a little shocked at how many of you are currently homeschooling or were homeschooled yourself. Thank you. You are magic.

Last night Hailey and I were considering what the school mascot should be and we decided on Vin Weasel, a battered antique weasel we found at a resale shop who was originally crawling on a log but was pretty much made to ride or die (for knowledge).

And to answer the obvious question, yes, I’m currently looking for a remote control motorcycle so Vin Weasel can speed through the house and around the neighborhood and scare the shit out of the squirrels but I’m a little concerned that our neighborhood owl (Owl Roker) will think he’s a snack so for now he’s just staying on the toy motorcycle that I push around the house and freak the cats out with.

Several of you asked if you could be accepted to Lawson Academy for Gifted Strangelings. A giant group of misfits around the world continuing to learn and grow while they avoid the assholes and support each other? YES PLEASE.

You are in. You are all in.

And I’m so grateful for it.

PS. Is there a school shirt? Of course there is.