It would be even funnier if we later found out that God’s name actually was Chuck.

So the other day we were all praying at work. (This is a big aside where I reveal that in real life I work at a faith-based company and you go “No fucking way” and I’m like “I know, right?”  HR needs to do better background checks.) 

So there’s like a hundred of us in the hallway during this celebration and the Bishop says in this really loud and dramatic way, “Oh Heavenly Father: Hear our prayer!” and immediately some guy from engineering’s walkie-talkie blasts out: COME IN, CHUCK!” and I had to walk out in the middle of the prayer because I totally snorted and was drawing attention to myself because all I could think of is how I bet God was only half-listening and then was all “WTF?  Did the Bishop just call me ‘Chuck‘?” and that’s when I realized I was probably not getting into heaven unless God has one hell of a sense of humor, which he probably does because hello? he’s making me work at a faith-based organization.  I mean, he’s not making me work there but I hear he kind of controls everything so technically this is probably his fault.  If anything, they should blame God for making me snort in the middle of the prayer.  When I get fired I’ll have to remember to tell the Bishop that.

Comment of the day: I’ve know since the 80’s that Charles was in Charge.  ~Katie

179 replies. read them below or add one

  1. A heaven without Jenny is hell.

    Maria’s last blog post..Twenty Four

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  2. I’m snorting over the news that you work for a faith-based organization. If it weren’t for my exceedingly good reflexes, I would have snorted coffee into my keyboard.

    Jane’s last blog post..Road Kill, Straw Sanctuaries & a Feeling That I’ve Been Here Before

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  3. I think I just peed a little…

    Captain Dumbass’s last blog post..Celebrating Labour Day By Doing None

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  4. Holy crap Jenny. I just snorted Diet Dr. Pepper and scared the crap out of my kids.

    I would have had to run out of there, too.
    That is freaking funny.

    rachel’s last blog post..Mouthwatering Monday: Coffee Malts

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  5. Dude, my last post is sooo not Coffee Malts. Huh? That was last Monday. Crazy. Let’s see if it does that again.

    rachel’s last blog post..It’s a Double Helping of Mouthwatering Monday

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  6. I hate it when I laugh in the middle of a prayer. Many times after I’ve done something rude or said something off color (so pretty much after every other statement I make) I look up to the heavens and say, “Just joking God…”

    gingela5’s last blog post..Sneeze Guard…

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  7. A God named Chuck? Now that’s a God I could get behind!

    Jill (CDJ)’s last blog post..Guess The Mess

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  8. I think your admission only adds more to the puzzle. You are your own oxymoron.

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..It’s a Good Giveaway

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  9. obviously Chuck has a sense of humor because he lets me teach Sunday School. Believe me, that is just WRONG.

    Susan’s last blog post..thrills, spills and bellyflops

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  10. I’ve know since the 80’s that Charles was in Charge

    Like

  11. I don’t work for a faith based company, but I’m like.. the one heathern in an office full of holy rollers.. so I totally feel your pain.

    Mahala’s last blog post..Short, Sticky People Invade and Using the Past to Live the Present

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  12. I think this was the funniest thing I’ve read all day, with the possible exception of me talking about my OB/GYN and enemas… but you know. It was a close second.

    Jen E’s last blog post..Monday Morning in the Afternoon

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  13. I can’t believe this is the first work story you’ve told. How can you work at a faith-based company and not have, like, a thrillion hilarious stories to tell us?

    Erin’s last blog post..CineMonday Kick-off!

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  14. I wish I knew your blogging schedule. Then I could make an agenda for my laughter.

    Writer Dad’s last blog post..Writer Dad Through the Looking Glass

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  15. OK – by your logic, I feel MUCH better for flipping off a priest last weekend. I didn’t know he was a priest before I flipped him off, and he almost ran me over with his car when I was jogging, but still. Clearly, God WANTED me to give that bad-driving priest a little what for before he actually ran over someone that might be important.

    manager mom’s last blog post..At Least I Know What She Wanted To Buy At Target

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  16. I love your logic. Seriously love it.

    Lilacspecs’s last blog post..Feel the Burn

    Like

  17. There is a lot of snorting from your readers.

    blogversary’s last blog post..the joy of having two

    Like

  18. When you get fired, just tell them that you’ll be appealing their decision to a higher authority, get on the phone and call Chuck direct.
    Cheers

    Maddy’s last blog post..Review – a Laborious Day

    Like

  19. I miss you when you don’t post, at least I miss laughing uncontrollably. I think God/Chuck has an excellent sense of humor.

    anymommy’s last blog post..Set in Stone

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  20. This was my first good laugh of the day. I would have totally snorted with you (which sounds like we would be doing drugs, but probably not, since we would have been at your faith-based workplace, but maybe later, after work).

    I have a long history of laughing inappropriately during prayer. Or anytime, really.

    Like

  21. Hubby’s name is Chuck.

    It is pretty much the most all-purpose joke name there is. Period.

    A guy I went to high school with named Sean always professes his jealousy of hubby for having an awesome go-to punchline name like “Chuck”.

    And on hubby’s more egotistical days, he probably does think God’s real name is Chuck.

    Sunshine’s last blog post..August Wrap Up: Rock the Comment

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  22. Dude, if God’s name is Chuck, I’m totally going to start praying, like, all the time. Like, over dinner and breakfast and before bed and while I poop. And every time, I’m going to be all, “What’s up (wait for it…) CHUCK.” Because that would be totally awesome.

    Mr Lady’s last blog post..Back to School

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  23. They would have needed a stretcher to remove me from the building, because I would have died laughing! Only in a big dramatic laughing out loud, falling over way!

    I think it is funny as hell, and now I will have the damn giggles ALL DAY~

    Fiesty Charlie’s last blog post..Willie Nelson Has Nothing On Us!

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  24. Bah, Chuck doesn’t use walkie-talkies anymore. It’s all text messaging now:

    WretchedSinner69: o hvnly chuck, hEr R prayR
    AlmightyChuck42: dood! wzup?
    WretchedSinner69: we pry 4 4givnss, o chuck
    AlmightyChuck42: LOL np
    WretchedSinner69: amen
    AlmightyChuck42: l8r

    Steve’s last blog post..RFID Has No Vulnerabilities. Honest!

    Like

  25. 25
    Just A. Reader

    I thought it was Howard.

    Our Father who art in Heaven,
    Howard be thy name…

    Like

  26. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve totally lost it with laughter during a prayer…

    Well, I don’t know what would happen if I had a nickel for every time I broke down into hysterical laughter during a prayer, except, you know, I’d have some more nickels.

    Kyla’s last blog post..So, my kid might need a feeding tube…

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  27. In Chuck we trust.

    Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..Always Asleep and Uncool*

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  28. If you think about Occam’s Razor, the most logical explanation is, in fact, that God’s name is Chuck.

    Nora Bee’s last blog post..The garbage truck vs. the fire truck

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  29. Oh man I would have wet my pants for sure.

    Maria’s last blog post..celebrating stillness

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  30. Hey- can you send Chuck over? I could use a little help over here.

    Vodkamom’s last blog post..Stuck in School!!!

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  31. Bwahahahaha… “Chuck” seems so much more approachable anyhow.

    Judith Shakespeare’s last blog post..The Post Where Judith Calls the GOP Bloody Brilliant (Bring Your Ice Skates)

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  32. a faith based organisation leads me straight to the god squad. I can only hope Edward Norton is there singing karoke with Chuck.

    Deidre’s last blog post..One Box of Gluten-Free (Vanilla!) Outback Animals Later

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  33. Once upon when I went to church, our Sunday School teacher asked, “Do you think God has a sense of humor? Why?” and someone, totally straight faced said, “Well, yeah, he made Emily.” True story.

    When I worked as a waitress this summer, I’d always manage to walk into banquets or family reunions JUST as they began the prayer, always with a full tray of drinks and I just have to stand there and not spill anything. AWESOME.

    Like

  34. You totally missed it. GOD was coming to you THROUGH the walkie talkie. You think he still uses burning bushes and shit to get his point across?

    *Geesh*

    mtnhighmama’s last blog post..Or Maybe…

    Like

  35. I bet Chuck is laughing with you up there. or at you. But laughing anyway, and people always love a girl that can make them laugh. So…God loves you! Or chuck does. 🙂

    Mama’s last blog post..Romans 1-3

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  36. That is pretty funny.

    kc’s last blog post..Twilight?

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  37. I swear I come here thinking “She can’t possible be funnier.” and then you are.

    Rock on.

    Erica/TxGambit’s last blog post..Blog Trip – Day 1 – Welcome! This is me!

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  38. So I’m reading this and start giggling and snorting uncontrolably. And my two kids come running over and they’re all like, “What so funny? What’s so funny?” I started reading it to them, but they looked at me like I’m really crazy and walked away.

    So thanks for making my kids think I’m crazy. 🙂

    Wendy’s last blog post..Bitch Fest

    Like

  39. He strikes me as a Larry.

    Like

  40. oh my BOB that is frickin’ hysterical! i have never so instantly loved a blog in all my life. nice one. you rock! i will so be back (but it’s midnight now and i’m about 35 years behind on my beauty sleep. i know, i know, people say they’ll be back. i really am fricking coming back stop hassling me already.)!

    hollydolly’s last blog post..the men in my life take me for an idiot

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  41. that’s fantastic! I knew you were one of my faves for a reason!

    Like

  42. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Actually I suspect that whole episode is a very good example of how God actually has a kickass sense of humor.

    Several hundred years ago, when I was a college freshman, a good friend of mine and I disgraced ourselves badly when a similarly random event occurred that made us snort during a talk by a particularly pompous artiste of some sort. I won’t go into it here because it’s not funny written down, but it was hilarious in the moment, and we got nasty looks from the head of the Honors Program. At least it wasn’t the Bishop.

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..Bibs and Bobs

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  43. so, it is normal for God/Chuck to drop by when you guys work/pray? I mean, where you expecting God, so it was funny when Chuck arrived, or was the whole thing a surprise?
    fellow faithful getting mad at me on my blog undoubtedly about to occur…secret is out.

    Karen’s last blog post..this post is not about birth

    Like

  44. I would never have guessed you for having a faith based job. God has quite the sense of humor if he let that happen.

    Like

  45. People pray at work? In groups? With Bishops?

    Like

  46. Well, now your “Like Mother Theresa” tagline up top makes more sense. See, I can’t even spell Teresa right—-I am definitely NOT at a faith-based company.

    BTW, I’d totally be psyched if God was named Chuck. He’d be much more fun to have a beer with in heaven.

    Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..I’m Not That Important

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  47. *SNARF* We are dying laughing here!

    Turnbaby’s last blog post..Sportsmanlike Conduct

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  48. They’re not supposed to give away the secret name of god like that. That bishop is going to be in deep shit.

    Jim’s last blog post..Poor Souls

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  49. The Fairly Odd Mother totally beat me to my comment. I thought the same thing, Mother Teresa.

    shonda’s last blog post..Never Let Your Husband Hold the Remote. NEVER!

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  50. No fucking way !

    Like

  51. If they fired you for having a sense of humor, that’s another reason to laugh.
    Not that I believe in a God but, dude, c’mon, Platypus!? ROTFLMAO!

    Sleep Deprivation Ninja’s last blog post..Burbles

    Like

  52. I believe his actual name is Charles. So, um, Charles? About the lottery, dude, a little help?

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Absoluteluy A-dork-able

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  53. “Our Father, who art in Heaven. Harold be thy name”.

    Taken from an old movie with Henry Winkler.

    Namaste.

    Phil’s last blog post..Lets look at what was happening last year

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  54. You kill me, girl!

    slackermommy’s last blog post..Betchfest Rant #2: No Regrets

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  55. i’m pretty sure Chuck was saying “WTF Jenny?!” i think you make him/her laugh….hard.

    Krista’s last blog post..Run a 10k…..

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  56. since i’m like comment 55 will you even read this? sucks to be 55. actually it kind of sucks to be 35 if i think about it.

    Krista’s last blog post..Run a 10k…..

    Like

  57. What’s even worse is when you think you’re 55 but then I go back and approve some comments that fell into the spam filter and then you become 57.

    But I read every damn comment anyway. I’m kind of OCD that way.

    Like

  58. Eddie Izzard’s Glorious has ruined me for all religious activity ever.

    My mother almost shot my father and I as we giggled through Christmas eve mass, “take this bread is it my body…cannibalism!”
    “take this wine it is my blood….vampires!”
    “take these tomatoes they are my knee caps”
    “I’d like to order the body of christ platter please!”

    Shaba’s last blog post..It’s a Survey. Not a Meme.

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  59. Hee… makes me think of when my sister the heathen and I attend Christmas Eve church services with my mom. We love how everybody sings out real strong on the first and second verses of the Christmas carols, but the third and fourth verses, the more obscure verses, become hilarious mutters and major fumblings for the hymnals. Bet Chuck totally loves it, too.

    Like

  60. If God’s still in the smiting business it won’t be because you laughed. It’ll be because you referred to him–informally–as Chuck when everyone knows he goes by Charles. Or Charlene, if God turns out to be a woman. And? If God is a little bit of both…RuPaul.

    apathy lounge’s last blog post..The Calm Before

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  61. Oh good Chuck.

    Jessica’s last blog post..Ashley and Jason: The Wedding

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  62. WTChuck– if I can be married to a gospel singer, you can work for a faith based company. They NEED us.

    Babybloomr’s last blog post..PICTURES! Not so many words this time!

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  63. I work for a faith based employer too (Episcopalian even), and we have Bishops too. I almost fell out in the aisle when I went to church there last week (for a “blessing” of the staff). I shit you not, at least 20 people came up to me and said “Peace be with you” and I was supposed to reply “And also with you” but I’d forget and they’d just stand there all…bellboy with his hand out waiting for the tip…and I was all…OH! crap. And also with you. But it was way funnier then. sigh.

    Are you there Chuck? It’s me Martie.

    of http://uncontainedchaos.blogspot.com

    Martie’s last blog post..Dinosaur Valley…

    Like

  64. Every Chuck I’ve ever known is gay, which would make Chuck Almighty even more awesome, and based on my mortal Chuck experience, probably a great dancer.

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..the best laid plans…

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  65. First of all, I already know where you work, but I had no idea you all had events where you had a bishop come in and you all prayed together. You should definitely stay away from any of those and so should the guy who had the walkie talkie volume up when a BISHOP is like praying. FUNNY!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Thai Carrot Soup

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  66. Aww… somebody beat me to the platypus point. Which either proves that Chuck…er… God has a wicked sense of humor or access to some kick ass drugs.

    If they fire you there, you could land a job with any of the late night talk shows. You’re way funnier than any of those schmucks.

    For reals.

    Mojo’s last blog post..Ruby Tuesday (#2) and Wordless Wednesday (Tuesday Edition): Rockets’ Red Glare

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  67. Um, going to hell, much?

    P.S. Hmmmmm……Perhaps, in hell, we can finally discover that rare, elusive Vodka Pantry of which you speak.

    cagey’s last blog post..When you find yourself caught “between a rock and a hard place”, is the rock still not hard?

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  68. That is one of life’s moments where you know HE must have a sense of humor. You just can’t make that shit up. HILARIOUS. Thanks for sharing. You made me laugh.

    Rhea’s last blog post..Men Only

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  69. Alright, I am too damn lazy (can I say damn now? Now that I know that the Bishop is reading?) anyway, too the heck lazy (yeah, that is better, they will never know) to check if anyone else said this… cause dammit, I mean but of course it is common knowledge that God is Chuck Norris.

    Derr.

    Kelley’s last blog post..Dinner and the Awesome Mummy

    Like

  70. Uh, hello. “Come in Chuck” was God responding! I haven’t read all the comments and if someone said this before me, tough.

    Like

  71. Go totally has a sense of humor. I realized that when I looked into our unwanted chinchilla’s cage and told my husband “There’s more than one in here.”

    Kylie’s last blog post..We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Blog Post…

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  72. That should read “God” not “Go”. Who the heck is Go?

    Like

  73. Snort…wheeze…snort! This is a riot. I love the idea of God being named Chuck–except that that is my dad’s name and it would ruin prayer for me.

    Wanda’s last blog post..What me worry?

    Like

  74. 75
    I can't read my nametag

    Prayer time would be so much easier if God’s name were Chuck. Think about it: “What the fuck, Chuck?” covers the angsty “why me?” prayers and the direction-seeking “what is your will for me?” prayers and even the “we could use a little help here” supplications all in one tidy, four-word package. Sure, it’s a wee bit casual and exceedingly profane and maybe it does sound like a discarded line from Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” but it’s so damn marketable. Think of how many “WTFC?” wristbands we could sell at Spencer Gifts!

    Like

  75. So, if I were there, and worked with you, and heard you snort, I’d totally be all, “Chuck Bless You.”

    And then we’d both be hit by a colossal lightning bolt.

    mommypie’s last blog post..McConspiracy Theories

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  76. Chuck bless you!

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..New Orleans

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  77. You’re so going to Hell.

    Robin’s last blog post..My Dad, A Fire, and a Cracked Rib

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  78. My god is called Chuck.

    What the hell is a faith based industry? Have I been away from the God Blessed States of America too long?

    A Free Man’s last blog post..Into the valley of death*

    Like

  79. Dammit, I got beat to the “What the fuck, Chuck?” joke.

    Is anyone else having Peppermint Patty flashbacks though? If God is wearing a Charlie Brown shirt if/when I meet him I’m totally haunting you Jenny! But in a good way!

    Like

  80. first of all, you live in texas, so OF COURSE you work at a faith based business.

    second of all, i just got yelled at on my blog because i said that college football was church at my house. and my friend the bitch said, at our house church is church. and i said, hey, church is as church does. i’m sure jesus understands. heck, he even attends the notre dame home games.

    not sure what that has to do with your post about chuck and snorting and the bishop. sorry.

    Like

  81. My first impression was the whole walkie-talkie as burning-bush thing. So what if God called the Bishop Chuck – even gods can make mistakes every now and then. After all we were made in God’s image and we certainly muck up enough…

    Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Connecting Desires with Actions: James Chartrand Interview

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  82. Good luck Chuck!

    Love it here…will be back!

    Candy Grrl’s last blog post..iFiller…

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  83. Uh… if God’s name is Chuck, does that mean that my cheeseburger and Boone’s Farm last night counts as Holy Communion?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..A new beginning this Macro Monday

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  84. I just finished a musical at a theater that is owned by a very religious Mormon family and they say blessings over each meal they serve (They have an optional cookout meal beforehand) and there is always a cast prayer before the the show.

    I was asked to say the blessing and I blessed the food. (Way to go, heathen.)

    P.S. If God’s name is really Chuck it would weirdly make me feel a little better about Him.

    Hmm…

    Loralee’s last blog post..By: Angie

    Like

  85. P.P.S.
    Maybe God offers a nice unemployment plan. 😉

    Loralee’s last blog post..Letting down my state one craft project at a time

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  86. I once worked at a faith based organisation. Which was weird. I never heard god referred to as Chuck but Chuck doesn’t really cut it as a name in Australia. We’re more into names like Kevin and Kylie. I don’t think God is called Kevin. I think Kylie is more likely.

    Fuck. Do you think god could actually be called Kylie?

    dani’s last blog post..Steamy Kitchen Recipe Testing

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  87. Yeah, I’m pretty sure God has a sense of humor. He created me after all!!! 😉

    Candy’s last blog post..Chocolate Candy Craft

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  88. another great thing if God was named Chuck…

    the name game song.

    furiousball’s last blog post..Mr. T is my co-pilot

    Like

  89. Ok, so during the prayer that turned into some weird seance for some guy named Chuck from the “other side’ that’s when you say “what’s the frequency Kenneth?” and then nobody ever bothers you at work again. Only to really sell it, you would have had to control your snorting.

    Like

  90. That is so fucking weird. This weekend I listened to “What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?” on a loop for two hours because it’s the only song I can write to. It’s like it’s a sign. From Chuck.

    Like

  91. Jenny, thanks…well, not really “thanks” as my head just imploded in such a way while sitting here, sipping coffee, reading my morn’n blogs when seemingly out of nowhere BAM! I’m having a Brain Aneurysm induced solely by trying to wrap my head around the “So the other day we’re all praying at work,” and then you hit me with, “that I work at a faith-based company”

    It’s been enough for me over my 46 years to try wrapping my head around the whole God, fire/brimstone, locust thing, but THIS, nothing less than a miracle made my head implode, seriously.

    Obviously, this means you’re one of “Charlie’s Angels” and you can help me double my fish purchase for my dinner party tonight…because tuna steaks are fucking expensive in Maine!

    Shit…Tuesday can’t get much better than this!

    Kim’s last blog post..Cleaning the House, Cooking some Grub, Nailing Down the Appliances…

    Like

  92. Dear Jenny,

    I just got an angry e-mail from the Lord and he’s still upset about the informal Chuck thing. (or Charlene…it’s so hard to tell and I’ve never looked under the robe when we go out for drinks). He/She says if you don’t stop, it’s going to start raining really hard down th–OOPS. Too late.

    Apathy Lounge

    apathy lounge’s last blog post..The Calm Before

    Like

  93. I totally would have snorted too…

    KD @ A Bit Squirrelly’s last blog post..We Almost Lost Her Yesterday

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  94. THAT is why I read your posts! You are freakin’ hell-arious! For the rest of the day I’ll have a sly grin, thanks to you.

    Like

  95. I’m still trying to wrap my head around you taking part in prayer every morning at work- what must be going through your mind? Do you all hold hands?

    Like

  96. Humor me for a moment, Jenny…

    Imagine Charlie Brown.
    Imagine “Chuck” and his nemesis, LUCY
    If “Chuck”= the big guy
    And “Lucy”= fiery, horned arch nemesis
    ______________________________________

    Then Jenny= Total First Class Round Trip Ticket to Hell…cause YOU is the Devil in Disguise!

    I suck at numbers so somebody check my math, please.

    WOOOOOHOOOO, again, Tuesday can’t get any better!

    Kim’s last blog post..Cleaning the House, Cooking some Grub, Nailing Down the Appliances…

    Like

  97. I’ll keep an eye on the news for when your building mysteriously and spontaneously bursts into flames. Amen.

    CarolynOnline’s last blog post..Clemson vs. Alabama

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  98. I pray for strength at work every day. Please let me not trip my co-worker out of spite. Please let me not say something stupid to my boss. Also, please let no one sneak up on me while playing “Milkshake” by Kelis at my desk and dancing.

    jenboglass’s last blog post..Because It Was Either That Or The Garage

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  99. Do you think the angels call him Up-Chuck behind his back?

    Just wondering.

    Lesley’s last blog post..I Am (SO NOT) Bossy

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  100. I’d like to nominate Katie for comment of the day with her “I’ve know since the 80’s that Charles was in Charge” comment.

    Great post. I’m honestly not surprised that you work at a faith-based company. I don’t think I have a powerful enough filter on my mouth to work at such a place.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Government

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  101. I have a similiar work situation and I have to say, I’d have had to excuse myself too. Some things are just damn funny (and God knows it).

    Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas’s last blog post..Sarah Palin Looks Like Me!

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  102. I never knew his first name, but from the talk around my office I’d swear his last name was “dammit.”

    Like

  103. See now, when I read the first comment (Maria’s) I thought it said “Heaven w/out Jelly would be hell.” And I was thinkin’, yeah…that kind of would suck. It would suck more if there wasn’t any peanut butter. Ooooh…and it would suck even MORE if there were no honey buns.

    Please tell me there are honey buns in Heaven.

    Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?’s last blog post..Back to School Diet

    Like

  104. I just snorted a little because if I were named Chuck, and I were praying with my coworkers, and the bishop said, “Heavenly Father, hear our prayer!” real convincingly like, and then I heard someone say, “Come in, Chuck!” I think I’d be checking my pants for shit. Because did that mean God was calling me into heaven? Was God talking through the walkie-talkie directly to ME, and telling me that I was going to be meeting him soon? Because what if I wasn’t ready to be done with the whole life thing?

    And then I realized my name isn’t Chuck, and I wouldn’t have to worry about someone saying in a faith-based company, “Come in, Shutter Bitch.” It’s just not going to happen.

    So! Pants clean. I’m safe.

    Shutter Bitch’s last blog post..Good Enough?

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  105. I love your readers!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Thai Carrot Soup

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  106. Maggie keeps bugging me about getting a “Church Mint” on Sundays.

    Last week, after the Homily, Maggie actually cheered, “YEAH GOD!”

    Catizhere’s last blog post..Saturday at the pool / my mini stroke

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  107. If God had a name,(Chuck)what would it be
    And would you call it to his face
    If you were faced with him in all his glory
    What would you ask if you had just one question

    And yeah yeah Chuck is great yeah yeah Chuck is good
    yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

    What if Chuck was one of us
    Just a slob like one of us
    Just a stranger on the bus
    Trying to make his way home

    I half-blame you, Jenny, that this is now rattling around in my cranium. The other half-blame is due to undiagnosed and untreated bi-polarity (or would it be bi-polarization)

    Like

  108. i would have lost it…absolutely lost it…

    biddy’s last blog post..3 day weekend

    Like

  109. Hang on a minute. I’m still stuck on the whole “working in a faith-based company” thing…

    Nope. Still can’t get past that one! 🙂

    tracey’s last blog post..How to earn my loyalty…

    Like

  110. I, too, work at a faith based organization (a Baptist Hospital) and they do these prayers over the intercom. Since I keep my iPod plugged in my hears 24/7 at work (not really, since I do go home), I fail to hear them. But sometimes, just sometimes, I’d love to blast my music loud right in the middle of the prayers. I think some Akon singing “Smack That” with Eminem would definitely get a rise out of some of the conservative bible thumpers I work with.

    Sigh…….

    Emily’s last blog post..Happy Third Birthday, Katrina! Part 5

    Like

  111. I think this every time my mom guilts me into church.

    brittany’s last blog post..Walnuts goes to the fair

    Like

  112. Aahhhhhh, I remember vividly the day that I realized I was going to hell.

    My mom and I were at a Christmas Eve midnight candle-lit service, and during one of the hymns, she leaned over and whispered “Shepherds QUEEFED at the sight???” and we both started giggling so hard we almost dropped our candles and burned the whole motherfucker down.

    Jane’s last blog post..Chicago by Motorcycle

    Like

  113. OMG, if I were to work at a faith based company they’d probably all get together and stone me to death. I don’t know how you do it!

    Pants’s last blog post..RNC

    Like

  114. My vote for best comment goes to Ed T.

    Of course cheeseburgers and Boone’s farm are communion. How else would all of those college students get into heaven?

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..Not a Good Start

    Like

  115. If there’s a heaven, which I’m not sure I believe in, but if there is, it will so need funny ass chicks like you.

    Come in Chuck….love it.

    Issa’s last blog post..T-12 days or so

    Like

  116. No fucking way!

    Kile’s last blog post..Where’s my title bitches?!

    Like

  117. seriously cannot stop snorting about this.

    btw, hi! rss reader/lurker here.

    suriel’s last blog post..swamp update

    Like

  118. I know have to refer to Him as Chuck at all times. Forever. All because of you. I think I’d have had to leave cause I would have shouted out “OMG, how’d he know my kinky sex name?” and then I’d be escorted off the property.

    And your shepherds may queef, Jane, but I called them crooks at the live pageant when I was 12.

    Ruby Soho’s last blog post..Randomness hits again

    Like

  119. I think God’s name is actually Jenny the Bloggess. Which will totally piss all the misogynistic fundamentalists off (not to mention Chuck) but, whatever.

    maggie, dammit’s last blog post..What just happened here?

    Like

  120. And the only way I could picture you doing ANYTHING religious or religion-related is going bar-hopping as a nun. You’ve blown your image.

    BLOWN!

    Maternal Mirth’s last blog post..I am “It”

    Like

  121. We all know God is really Chuck Norris’s alter-ego when he’s not punting small children into the sun.

    E!’s last blog post..And the Beat Goes On…

    Like

  122. i have said this before and i will say it again. i would rather have a good time in hell than be bored in heaven.

    wait, do you seriously work for a faith-based company. that just totally gives me the creeps

    amyz5’s last blog post..The Perfect Labor Day Outfit

    Like

  123. 124
    Just A. Reader

    I think God’s name is actually Jenny the Bloggess.

    I believe maggie, dammit has quite possibly stumbled onto The Truth.

    I kneel before Jenny the Bloggess. I am humbled by her awesome power. Jenny the Bloggess is an awesome God. Or is She an awesome Chuck?

    Wait, I’m confused.

    Like

  124. 125
    Jerseygirl89

    Let me just add another “You work at a what?” comment.

    Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Is Your First Grader Stylish Enough?

    Like

  125. I must be having a slow day, for I can only think one semi-coherent thing at the moment.
    “so Chuck, where’s Larry?” 😛

    Like

  126. Girl, you don’t even know. The Almighty’s knock-knock jokes are INSANE.

    Like

  127. Hey, next time you get God/Chuck on the radio, please ask him if the clouds in heaven will hold my fat ass. Because otherwise I can stop trying to be good. Also, please ask him if they have chocolate. Otherwise I am totally not going.

    Elisa’s last blog post..Motherhood mafia

    Like

  128. So THAT’S who Ted Jesus Christ God’s Dad is. Chuck. Ted Jesus Christ God is the son of Chuck. And it makes sense, too. I always wondered why Ted didn’t go with Theodore. Wouldn’t it be more “God” like. But when the almighty Dad himself goes with Chuck rather than Charles? I’d pick Ted, too.

    Plus, it makes him seem more approachable. Like, you could have a beer with him, confess some sins, have some pizza…feeling good with Chuck and his boy Ted.

    WhenSheWorePonytails’s last blog post..Sarah Palin is a bad mother

    Like

  129. how do you manage to CRACK me up — TO TEARS — every time I come here? HOW? it’s crazy. This was beyond. As always. love you because totally needed laugh right now and because you’re The Bloggess!

    Haley-O’s last blog post..Sigh….Our Weekend

    Like

  130. Um, I hate to break it to you, but his name isn’t Chuck. It’s Melvin.

    Seriously.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Halloween in August

    Like

  131. But then everyone would scream “Oh! Chuck!” during sex and that would just be weird…

    Mr. Noodle

    Mr. Noodle’s last blog post..Love hurts…

    Like

  132. Are you sure the Bishop’s name isn’t Chuck and God wasn’t answering him through the walkie talkie? “Heavenly Father, hear our prayer.” “Come in Chuck! What you got for me today? Heal the sick? Done. Peace out, Chuck. Holla atcha later.” (P.S. I am also not going to heaven, clearly.)

    Kristabella’s last blog post..Wordy Recap

    Like

  133. @emily,
    I peed a little in my pants when I read your comment.

    shonda’s last blog post..The (future) Lady’s Man

    Like

  134. Guess that means I have to change all my OMG’s to OMC’s?

    X’s last blog post..Tomorrow is the Beginning of My Hell

    Like

  135. My snorting laughter just woke up the dog and now she is PISSED! BTW, I can totally see God’s name being Chuck. It would make praying more fun now wouldn’t it?

    Kat’s last blog post..who will come and visit me in the underworld?

    Like

  136. WHOA! You work at a faith based company. I think my world just turned upside down.

    I think anytime someone mentions god, I’m now going to start referring to him as Chuck. It flows much easier.

    perksofbeingme’s last blog post..Letter to myself

    Like

  137. You should probably not tell the Bishop about this blog, because then they totally won’t give you a useful job reference.

    And I would propose that Chuck is Jesus’ more talented but overshadowed younger brother.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..North Dakota on my mind

    Like

  138. I am pretty sure God doesn’t care what you call him, as long as you *call him. That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.

    Except, Chuck? Chuck? God isn’t Chuck Norris, right? Right??? Because if so, we are in deep doodoo…he is gonna show up with a big-ass rifle and fix all of our wagons.

    T.

    T@SendChocolate’s last blog post..Just So You Know I am Not All Gloom and Doom

    Like

  139. You are so going to hell. I’m grabbing the tequila and I’ll meet you there.

    Gina (@amoxcalli on Twitter)’s last blog post..Call Me Crazy – Cream Puff Crazy

    Like

  140. You DO realize, of course, that of Gd’s name is Chuck, that makes Christians the “Bride of Chuckie”!?

    Oh the horror…

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday and the Republican National Convention

    Like

  141. Dude, I’ve FARTED in the middle of a prayer. If I’m not going to hell for that, your little snort won’t get you in.

    Robyn’s last blog post..Devious Couplehood

    Like

  142. Makes me think of that song…What if God Was One of Us. One of the lyrics could be…Just a guy named Chuck, like some of us….What do you think?

    Jo~Jo’s last blog post..Monday’s Maddness on Tuesday Night

    Like

  143. Are you kidding? They were salivating to hire you. Your like candy to the their Jesus soul saving selves!

    Lotta’s last blog post..Optimistic or Sarcastic?

    Like

  144. Oh shit. All this time I’ve been calling Him Larry. I’m totally screwed!

    Jen@Happily-Ever-After-Land’s last blog post..Power Play – Keep ’em Confused

    Like

  145. That was hilarious! So it’s true what you hear *read* in the blogosphere… your blog is awesome!

    Melissa’s last blog post..Madame Tussauds

    Like

  146. Ed T, Actually, it make all the nuns the brides of Chuckie. That’s even funnier!

    Like

  147. God always seemed like more of a Richard to me.

    always home and uncool’s last blog post..Remnants of Summer’s Demise

    Like

  148. What if this half-listening God heard “COME ON, FUCK!” – oh, that could be good.

    Ann’s last blog post..I’m The IT Girl, AGAIN!

    Like

  149. I just snorted reading this. It’s kinda like when I talk to my aunt in heaven, I just think is she like in prayer or something & her cell phone rings when I say her name.

    Heidi’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday!

    Like

  150. Great post!!! Actually it was freaking hillarious!

    Now you are going to have me praying to Chuck.

    TentCamper’s last blog post..Tropical Storm In My Coochie

    Like

  151. I am not sure why everyone is snorting to this news. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth!

    Totally kidding..haha

    Jeremy Martin’s last blog post..Mental strangulation….

    Like

  152. If I was Chuck and people had been calling me a word that spelled ‘dog’ backwards, I would be so pissed.

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..The Herculean History of the Hemorrhoid Cream

    Like

  153. I would have snorted too. Last year during a Christmas service in church, the minister said, “And all God’s people said–” and my child wailed so loudly no one could be heard saying “Amen,” and the minister actually started over again.

    Damselfly’s last blog post..What I’d Wear Wednesday: Fall

    Like

  154. I do like the sound of “Chuck” over “Bob.”

    ????olqu??o?’s last blog post..Last week went really well…

    Like

  155. Shit, they’re on to me…..

    Like

  156. Holy Hell! Reading the comments is so much fun! Now I’m picturing God as moonlighting at big box electronics store.

    Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday #13 – When Dad Makes Dinner

    Like

  157. Geekologie is where all the great tranny stories go when they die. If Legos are involved.

    Kurt’s last blog post..Random Friday Blog

    Like

  158. […] The Bloggess had to leave a prayer. Which is pretty cool because she works at a faith based company. (She’s not in my blogroll because she’s not that hot. I had to walk out in the middle of the prayer because I totally snorted and was drawing attention to myself because all I could think of is how I bet God was only half-listening and then was all “WTF? […]

    Like

  159. Of course God has a sense of humor. It’s the only explanation for why I haven’t been struck by lightning yet: He’s too busy laughing at me.

    Wendy’s last blog post..I Eat All of Mine So They Aren’t Stuck to Everything

    Like

  160. God must have a sense of humor. That’s why he invented Spanx.

    I had a religious organization for a client once. I had to resign the account. Couldn’t stomach the gay bashing and being told that India is a country that God forgot about. I’m from India so that one hurt.

    Like

  161. That’s totally unfair… your tale of snorting made ME snort, and now my mother suspects me of being mad.

    This was possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever read.

    Raz’s last blog post..Ground Level

    Like

  162. is it sick for me to be jealous because I don’t have any haters?

    Sissy’s last blog post..The Other Side of Matt

    Like

  163. This made me laugh.

    Come in Chuck.

    Our father who art in heaven CHuck be thy name.

    Like

  164. Would Chuck be his real name or since he’s God would his formal name be CHARLES? Ponder.

    Michelle Lamar’s last blog post..Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be…TEENAGERS

    Like

  165. […] one made me snort.  This one almost made me pee.  This one actually made me pee, a little.  This one made me mop.  This one made me […]

    Like

  166. I was reading Jen Lancaster’s blog and she linked to you. This is my first vivst but definitely not my last! This post made me cry I was laughing so hard! You are hilarious!

    Shawna’s last blog post..The truth has to come out

    Like

  167. You are killing me tonight!

    lisa’s last blog post..How Many Books Have You Read?

    Like

  168. Visiting from writers Dad’s. I will be back, you are hilarious. Thanks for the giggles. 😀

    Like

  169. I got an email today from Insight for living, I swear I couldn’t make this up if I tried. The subject line says…

    Subject: God’s Word, Chuck’s Voice, and Your…

    All I could think about was this post. I swear milk almost shot out of my nose!

    Shawna’s last blog post..Yep, that was mature

    Like

  170. That’s giggle-out-loud hilarious! My husband worked for a Catholic-run hospital for many years. He and the other directors had to take turns offering the prayer before their monthly group meeting. I’m a HR manager and thought that was totally wacky, that they would be all praying at work. Is it in the job description? “Must be comfortable praying out loud in front of your peers.”

    Like

  171. YOU are seriously awesome, and this post made me laugh like you wouldn’t believe. Thank you!

    Christie’s last blog post..Tuesday Tunes: Wake Me Up When September Ends

    Like

  172. I used to like your blog.
    Now I love it because ever since watching the video of you at Blogher I can totally “hear” you saying all these things that you are writing.

    Great post, too funny!

    Ninja Mom’s last blog post..For Ninja Honey…

    Like

  173. ROFL! You are hilarious!

    Anyway, it’s a known fact that God’s name is either Andy or Harold. Andy because of the song ‘Andy walks with me…Andy talks with me…” or Harold because we always say “Heavenly Father, Harold be thy name…”

    😉 Keep up the good work!

    Sherice’s last blog post..Woopra! Add Free Real-Time Web Stats to Your Site

    Like

  174. Another Saturday at work, which is why I’m *just now* commenting on a post from like 3 years ago. Also, because procrastination is kinda my thing. Like how some people are natural born phenominal athletes? That’s me, except replace “athlete” with “procrastinator”. They should have Olympics for that. Procrastiantion and attention disorders. Because I would totally win for the USA in both catagories. Obviously, considering the entire reason I’m even commenting on this post is to be your spiritual guide, NOT to talk about how highly I excel in things like procrastination.

    Don’t worry, God totally has a sense of humor. We were “created in his likeness” so he completely digs Xanax, profanity, Vodka, and bad jokes. Even ones at his expense. As a matter of fact, I bet he’s kickin’ back with a tall glass of Vodka and cranberry right now, reading your blog, shaking his head, and thinking, “That Jenny, man she kicks ass just like me.”.

    Like

  175. 176
    Lady Penelope

    Is that why when someone asks a question the answer is; “Chuck knows”
    Oh, wait – it’s “*fuck* knows”.
    Never mind …

    Like

  176. Clearly you do not watch Supernatural, or you would know that Chuck is, in fact, the name of God. #truthbomb

    Like

  177. […] this entry from The Bloggess about work is my absolute favorite of all time, bar none. It was written in 2008, and still makes […]

    Like

  178. This post ALWAYS makes me laugh out loud. Always. I picture the Bishop jumping out of his skin because HIS name is Chuck and when you pray you don’t generally get a response that fast. I grew up as a Methodist preacher’s kid, and my funniest story is that my dad was trying to do a children’s sermon on “priceless treasures.” He pushed up the sleeve of his robe to use his watch as an example of one of HIS priceless treasures. My sister yells right into his mic….. “NO IT’S NOT! YOU GOT IT AT BURGER KING FOR $2.99!”

    Like

    theantileslie recently posted Tolstoy Abridged.

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