It’s like a hoodie. But with fangs.

Last week my friend Suebob pointed me toward an enormous taxidermied wolf on Etsy THAT YOU CAN WEAR.

The girl who made it is actually INSIDE of it. And possibly about to get shot.

It was made of awesome, and I was able to verify that the wolf died of old age/kidney failure so I could buy it with a clear conscience and PETA couldn’t throw blood at me when I wore it at formal events.  I told Victor that I would name him “Wolf Blitzer” and that I would use him as a sleeping bag on cold airplanes (and also to menace anyone who took my arm-rest.)  Victor pointed out that airport security gets uptight about snow globes and nail-clippers so they probably wouldn’t let me bring a wolf on a plane as carry-on, but I was already formulating a plan to make Wolf Blitzer my service-animal-companion since I have chronic panic attacks, and airplanes have to recognize disabilities.  Like the disability of not being able to be relax on a cold plane without some xanax and a dead wolf snuggie named Wolf Blitzer.  Victor started to argue with me but then he gave up because Wolf Blitzer was very expensive and he knew I couldn’t justify paying that much for a blanket with claws.  And he was right.  Which is why I immediately went on Kickstarter to submit an application for a fundraiser to help me pay for a dead wolf to wear on plane rides.  I labeled it under “Performance Art” and promised to repay patrons by sharing photos of me wearing it to the Twilight opening.

**********

Kickstarter responded almost immediately:  “Thank you for taking the time to share your idea. Unfortunately, this isn’t the right fit for Kickstarter.”  Because apparently Kickstarter doesn’t appreciate helping people with disabilities.

**********

I was about to give up when I found out that the person I’d originally chosen to read my audiobook (James Earl Jones) was not responding to my emails and so instead I would have to read my own damn book, and I told my agent that I’d do it but only if I could be paid in dead wolf snuggies.  Then there was an awkward pause and I explained that I’d wear it while recording my book, and that way Wolf Blitzer would be a tax deduction, and she said she needed to go.  Probably because talking about tax law is super-boring.

**********

When I explained to Zhon (the girl who made Wolf Blitzer) that I needed him quickly (because I was Team Jacob and needed him for opening weekend) she didn’t even pause to question me.  Because she’s awesome.  And also because she once made a life-size Tauntaun to wear, so she’s really not in any position to judge me.

**********

me: I just bought Wolf Blitzer so that I can wear him to see Twilight-part-whatever, but you can’t yell at me because he didn’t cost anything.

Victor:  How the hell did that happen?

me:  I bartered for him in trade for narrating my own audiobook.

Victor:  AND THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE FINANCIAL DECISIONS WITHOUT ME.

me:  No way.  That was a great financial decision.  I feel all in touch with my 1/64th Native American heritage.  I just bartered a story for a dead wolf head-dress.  I’m like Pocahontas, but with an audiobook.

Victor:  My head hurts.

**********

Wolf Blitzer arrived.  And he was MAGNIFICENT.  But Victor refused to take me and my dead wolf to the movies because apparently he’s Team Edward.  Luckily, my friends Maile and Laura were willing to come along for the ride.  Laura dressed up as a member of the Volturi because we thought it would be funny to have some sort of West Side Story dance-fight at the theater.  Maile hadn’t actually read the Twilight books and so I tried to convince her to wear my Bigfoot costume, and I told her that Bigfoot totally played a huge part in this movie.  And then at the end I’d be like “I can’t believe they cut the Bigfoot part out!  He was so integral to the book!” but Maile has known me for far too long to trust me and so instead she dressed up as a very cynical friend who doesn’t understand how fun it is to wear a Bigfoot costume to the movies.

**********

We laughed.  We cried.  Maile saw some very conservative looking friends and casually  introduced Laura and I without explaining at all why we were dressed as werewolves and Draculas.  I took a picture with a very brave stranger who asked what my deal was.  I told her I was here to see the Muppet Movie.  She looked confused.

My work there was done.

**********

 You want pictures, don’t you?  Fine.  Here they are.  Because Wolf Blitzer and I love you.  Much more than Kickstarter does.  Apparently.

Buying my ticket. And yes, it was a little embarrassing. A women in her 30's going to see Twilight, I mean. Not wearing Wolf Blitzer. Wolf Blitzer is awesome.

"Holy crap, is that a Volturi? Don'tcomeoverhereDon'tcomeoverhereDon't - Oh shit."

It's fine. She's tweeting. Just keep your head down and she probably won't even notice.

 

Fuck. She noticed. Awk-ward.

Eventually they let us into the theater and we drank copiously.  Laura and I rooted for our respective teams and Maile photographed the debacle.  It’s sort of amazing that we weren’t kicked out of the theater.

Twilight movies are like the girl version of watching the Superbowl. In that they can only be enjoyed when really drunk.

And it was awesome, except for the part when all the werewolves started talking to each other WITH THEIR MINDS and then it got really stupid and I leaned over to Laura and Maile and whispered, “Okay.  Right now, for the first time all night?  I’m kind of embarrassed to be wearing a giant wolf suit.”  And they nodded sympathetically, because that’s what good friends do.

The magic of the theater. And friends. And Wolf Blitzer.

524 replies. read them below or add one

  1. …am laughing… and snorting… and the husband is confiscating the lap-top….
    WORTH IT! XO

    Like

    Janet NZ recently posted ThanksGiving.

  2. I’m so insanely jealous! I want a Wolfe Blitzer of my very own, plus I wish my best friend lived closer. Sigh…why did I choose to live in Alaska? Thanks for giving me the giggles while I try my damnedest to conquer this horrid cold.

    Like

  3. HA! that is AWESOME! You have amazing bartering powers! AMAZING!

    And I love the wolf!

    Like

  4. This is the most epic thing I have every been privy to. You are my hero. And then some.

    Like

  5. omg, you are freaking awesome!!!

    Like

  6. I totally love you. And your wolf suit.

    Like

  7. I fucking LOVE you. LOVE. This is the greatest thing EVER.

    Like

    LilyBelle recently posted A bit of an update.

  8. Your very own Wolf Blitzer can almost make even the Twilight crap entertaining… almost.

    SD
    TheSimpleDude.com

    Like

    Simple Dude recently posted Horny Ghosts? Who Knew?!.

  9. Tomorrow when my mother goes around the table and asks each person to name one thing he or she is thankful for, I’m going to say, “Jenny Lawson wearing Wolf Blitzer.”

    Later that night, when I’m eating Thanksgiving dinner at Chuck-a-rama because my mother kicked me out of her house, it will have totally been worth it.

    Like

    Jenny recently posted I Choose You, Depression!.

  10. And if you get tired of calling him Wolf Blitzer, you can now just call him Blitz and know that it’s Herman Cain™ approved!

    Oooh, did I just trademark Herman Cain’s name? Oh snap!

    Like

  11. OMG. Bloggess. How I love thee. And wish you lived in California so my friend Nikki and I could partake in your shenanigans. I kid you not, Nikki and I will walk through a Beverley’s/Michael’s/Ikea and can’t be trusted to not wear/touch throughout the store. It’s a wonder we haven’t been kicked out yet. I wish I could attach a pic onto this comment to prove that Nikki was Team Jacob months ago. It was a hat/scarf/wolf combo but it was entirely too hot to purchase so we left it behind. Anyway, you are so randomly awesome and you should really consider comin’ out here to California, I guarantee you’d have a motley crew at your beck and call.😛

    Like

  12. There was no booze when I went to see Twilight…. no one in a giant wolf suit either. Or a Volturi cape. I’m all sorts of pissed off right now!

    Like

    not blessed mama recently posted Yup, I Am One Of Those Twilight Moms.

  13. I would’ve thought you’d get William Shatner to do the audio book. He owes you a favor.

    Like

    Steve D recently posted A Very Megyn Kelly Thanksgiving.

  14. Please tell me you’ll wear it to parent teacher conferences.

    Like

    Jenny Grace recently posted Awk.Ward..

  15. JELLIS.

    dammit. I wanted to leave that to stand on its own, but I feel obligated to mention that I do know how to spell Jealous, I just wanted to spell it wrong.

    Like

  16. OK. If I have to see the Twilight movies, I will only watch it if Jenny is there wearing Wolf Blitzer.

    Who votes for a nationwide movie theater tour?

    Like

  17. I feel so abnormal most of the time. And then I read your blog and feel super normal but laugh like a crazy person. I’m so glad I stumbled upon your blog last year.

    Like

    Karen W recently posted Being an Aggie (aka The Longest Post I've Ever Made).

  18. Photos are brilliant. When are the holiday cards coming out? Sign me up for Wolf & Co.

    Like

    MD recently posted A Brief Note on Giving Thanks.

  19. This world needs more Wolf Blitzer. I would stalk the aisles of my grocery store, hunter-gathering my heart out. It would be awesome.

    Like

    apt9000 recently posted A Round-up of Awesome.

  20. You truly are my heroine! Wolf Blitzer is beyond the awesome and it’s a much better costume than sparkly body paint.

    Like

    Kristin recently posted My Secret Girl Crush.

  21. You look very warm and cozy wearing Wolf Blitzer, I think it was an excellent purchase.
    But even better because you bartered for him.
    You’re a total package Jenny, beauty and brains. Yay you.

    Like

    monstergirlee recently posted 326:365 November 22 Lines.

  22. I like your hoodie lady!! Kind of want to pet it…. (that just sounds wrong)

    Like

  23. There is just no end to the awesome that is you. Glad you got your snuggie. But, it’s still creepy.

    Like

  24. Oh Lord! There are no words. Well, maybe there’s one – envy. Wolf Blitzer envy. Why is it that I can instantly think of 10 things I could do with that dead wolf? Can you not envision grocery shopping in that? No, no, school!!! Or, wait…

    Like

  25. If you ever get the chance to meet Wolf Blitzer, please promise me you’ll wear Wolf Blitzer.

    Feel free to “confuse” the two. On air.

    Like

  26. I have never, ever been prouder. This is like the soccer trophy of my dreams. Except that I never played soccer.

    Like

    Suebob recently posted Something is Better Than Nothing.

  27. though dead & stuffed (does it count as stuffed if it’s a person inside?) he REALLY looks bored in that tweeting volturi photo! Maybe a cameo in PT 2? P.s. what does a humanely taxidermied wolf who died of kidney failure smell like exactly?

    Like

  28. Frankly… Words don’t describe how awesome/amazing/insane this, and you are… So happy you GOT IT!

    Like

  29. And here I thought my son in his velvet leopard print cat suit in Target was getting a lot of looks…

    Wolf Blitzer is seriously the coolest thing ever.

    Like

    XLMIC recently posted What it is to be TOUGH....

  30. How embarassing is it for a grown woman to wet her pants while sitting up in a fancy-schmancy bed belonging to her dear, sweet, generous friend who is hosting her for an ENTIRE WEEK so she can get the hell out of Middle of Nowhere, Michigan because she needs a break forgodssake, happily surfing the internets, catching up on blogs she hasn’t had time to read when all of a sudden out of freaking nowhere comes a story about a television journalist-turned-lycanthrope and the giddy woman who bought him, and the grown woman wonders if perhaps that’s not some sort of prostitution, but decides it must not be if one isn’t actually doing the wolfy deed with the Blitz and the very thought of that has an effect on the margarita-filled bladder of said woman and dammit…just how embarassing do you suppose it is to try to explain the pile of laundry generated by one flipping blog post? Very. Just, very.

    Like

    Katie-how boring is that? recently posted Audacity is a Survivor.

  31. Oh. My. Gawd.
    You cannot get any more awesome. No, really, you can’t. And I am so showing this to Mr.Spouse, so that he will finally understand that things like this are BUSINESS NECESSITIES! (He’s still convinced I don’t need a life sized elephant topiary in my office, the rube)

    Like

  32. Ugh, you totally stole my idea…I am Team Jacob all the way..

    Seriously, I’m pretty sure this get-up is competition for the radness that is Beyonce…you know knock knock..

    Like

    Julie {Angry Julie Monday} recently posted Wordless Wednesday: Holiday Decor Prep.

  33. I LOVE THAT THIS HAPPENED.

    Like

  34. Between the mental health resources and this, I don’t know what to be most thankful for at dinner tomorrow. I’ll probably just say The Bloggess.

    Like

    tamaratattles recently posted A Word About Miss Moscato and Other Sage Drinking Tips.

  35. I’m pretty sure the drafthouse has never thrown anyone out for any reason. My favourite part: “I told her I was here to see the Muppet Movie”. I have nothing clever to say because you have used it all up today. But I will be back. And i *will* be clever!

    Like

    TriGirl recently posted You Wearin' a Cup Under that Wetsuit?.

  36. Damn. Lady made a Tauntaun costume. Now that takes some special dedication.

    Like

  37. Thank you for sharing the photos! I needed that chuckle🙂

    I went in costume too- as a heavily pregnant woman. Except I wasn’t carrying a moster vampire baby. And it wasn’t really a costume. It was just a coincidence. It was a little embarrassing actually, LOL. Awk.ward.

    I’m sure you got much more interesting reactions though! I would have loved to have seen those: priceless.

    Like

  38. I’m glad you didn’t go to the Alamo Village premiere. That would have been AWKWARD and all since I was wearing my Robert Pattin-skin snuggie.

    Like

  39. The picture of you buying your movie ticket!!!!!!!!!!! THE BEST!!!!!!

    Like

    Y recently posted My Grandma, June 14, 1922- November 14, 2011.

  40. So. Fucking. Awesome.

    Like

  41. Best part? Wolf Blitzer can TOTALLY double as a wolfy version of a bear-skin rug when you’re not wearing him… no more guilt about leaving your clothes on the floor! Score.

    Like

    Linz recently posted Happy Holidays, Damnit!.

  42. Whenever anyone points out that having mannequins and other assorted body parts in my home doesn’t qualify as interior decorating, it’s comforting to know there’s one person who would understand, and (hopefully) approve. Keep being you, Jenny. You are awesome.

    Like

    Barbara recently posted Fight Internet Censorship.

  43. Is it a little bit sad that the first thing I noticed is that you and I have the same glasses? I think this means we’re meant to be best friends or something. Only I don’t have a wolf costume. I did dress up as a zombie last year though. Zombies and werewolves can be friends, right?

    Like

    JessicaZombie recently posted My shopping list : pizza, pizza, breakfast pizza, appetizer pizza.

  44. If you wear Wolf Blitzer and Uggs at the same time does that make you a Wolf in Sheep’s clothing?

    xoxo. Love you!

    Like

    Ciaran recently posted What’s Cooking at Disney for the Holidays?.

  45. Its the Alamo draft house – excellence in silliness is encouraged, they only kick you out for using your phone.

    Like

  46. you are so awesome. I can’t believe you really wore it outside of your house. or inside.

    Like

    jenjenk recently posted Turkish Souvenirs: Spices, Towels, and Turkish Delights.

  47. Is she still selling the Tauntan?

    Like

  48. this would probably be the only way id go see Twilight something or other movie, ONLY WAY

    Like

  49. I just laughed so hard that I accidentally snorted porridge out of my nose. (For context, I’m currently eating breakfast.)
    It wasn’t very nice.

    Like

  50. Ok so now I’m late for work because I wasted a good few minutes rolling around laughing then another few being reprimanded by a 3 year old mini me for not being able to control myself. Its all good though as I can explain to the boss that I saw a woman in a wolf at the cinema and it made me late …

    Like

  51. You look great. That wolf really makes you look tall. wow.

    Like

    Mary recently posted Travelpro Sweepstakes: Win 500K Delta SkyMiles + 2 Travelpro Rollaboard Bags.

  52. Holy jesus christ on a cracker.

    Like

  53. So amazingly awesome. I Fucking hate the Twilight movies, but now, NOW, I love them.

    Also, you look hot.

    Like

  54. I don’t even have the words to say how much I love you. You might possibly be the most awesome person I dont know but wish I did.

    Like

  55. I have been keeping completely ignorant of the Twilight series because I can’t let anything get in the way of my Harry Potter fanatacism. Also, the plot sounded annoying, and the characters.
    Now, for the first time, because of the pictures of you and Wolf Blitzer, I feel a tiny tingling at the back of my head. . . . Could be interest in Twilight. . . . Could be discomfort at how sexy I think you look are in a wolf suit.
    Also, thank you for introducing me to the term, “ethically taxidermied.” I think.

    Like

    Sharon Wachsler recently posted Disabled Writers Need Not Submit.

  56. Oh my fucking Christ you look hot in Wolf Blitzer! Also? Gorgeous Volturi. I would have liked to seen the Suspicious Friend, though.

    I wish I had your balls. And now I’m hoping you don’t have Wolf Blitzer’s balls….

    Brava, madame. Brava!

    Like

  57. That damn wolf suit has more of a life than I do!

    Like

    Cheryl D. recently posted Decadent Diet.

  58. I want to be you. Since I can’t be you, thank you for blogging your awesomeness.

    Like

    Angela recently posted RIP Anne McCaffrey.

  59. Wowzers. I don’t think the ag inspectors would let me wear that on the plane, but I really hope someone in TX lets it slide. Because I’ll bet if someone was kicking the back of your seat, and you just turned Blitz’s head around to glare at them over the headrest, they would TOTALLY STOP DOING THAT.

    Like

  60. Only you Jenny, only you could think this up. Thanks for the laugh, you made a bad day brighter.

    Like

    Natalie recently posted We’ve Lost A BackStreet Boy!.

  61. I know this sounds weird coming from a non-confused straight woman, but you look *totally* hot in Wolf Blitzer. Like not temperature, just really, really pretty. This leaves me confused.

    Like

  62. Speechless, absolutely speechless!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    But I can still write. Thanks for that it is 7.19 and I am sitting here before work contemplating a shit day and here you are again, making the world seem Ok even as I choke on my weetabix…… You are a star in a dull universe

    Like

    Tom Stronach recently posted Don't blame me if you're not laughing, it's the way you're reading them.

  63. I’ll admit it. I have a not-so-small crush on you, Bloggess. Especially as Wolf Blitzer Bloggess. Thanks for the laughs!

    Like

  64. You look wonderful in your wolf. I like the pictures of you. I love reading your blog.

    Like

    Connie recently posted I got my Wolfgang Puck oven..

  65. I was wondering how you were drinking at the theater, then I saw the counters and thought “Wait, is she at the fucking Drafthouse? I love that place!”. Sure enough, there were the signs for The Drafthouse in the earlier pictures. Doh! But in my defense I was so overwhelmed by the magnificence of Wolf Blitzer that it was easy to overlook anything else.

    Like

  66. 2 things…….
    first…..HOLY SHIT BALLS I love this!!!
    second…thank you! Today is my birthday and yes…I am fully aware every few years it falls on freaking Thanksgiving…This post was the PERFECT way to start this day…and as the day wears I will think of you wearing Wolf Blitzer and I will laugh my freaking ass off!!!

    Like

  67. Fekkin’ BANGIN!!!!

    I laughed so loud at JessicaZombie’s comment. “I noticed that you and I have the same glasses?”. You’re wearing a fucking wolf and she notices yer spex! Priceless.

    Like

  68. I’m in the market for a Charlie Sheen pelt. It’s quite easy to breathe through the coke-hollowed nostrils and it scares everyone but porn stars and Denise Richards. Happy Thanksgiving Jenny!!

    Like

  69. So that wolf thing is made out of awesome.

    And that wolf mind talking scene was so bad, I was embarassed for everyone involved, including the craft services guy.

    Like

    Karen Peterson recently posted Thankful.

  70. You are all kinds of awesome!

    Like

  71. FULL of awesome.

    Like

  72. (I think I’m the seventeenth person to say “awesome” in the comments. I guess that means awesome is what it is. It’s unanimous.

    Like

    prin recently posted On making my blog private....

  73. Hahahaha oh sweet mercy! Wolf Blitzer is pure awesome. You look SO hawt. I bow to thee chanting ‘I’m not worthy!’ a million times over.

    I haven’t read the Twilight series, nor seen any of the movies and I think I’d rather gauge my eyes out with a spork before I watched them, unless you’d be going with me wearing Wolf Blitzer, then I’d go willingly and proudly and watch them all – smiling happily all the time. Promise!

    Like

    Eli (Cara) recently posted Shopping with mothers.

  74. Love the photographs, especially the third one. Wolf Blitzer rules!!!

    Like

  75. When I started reading this I was hoping there would be pictures but nothing could have prepared me for the awesomeness that I saw. Thank you for being you!

    Like

  76. The Drafthouse with a wolf body/carcass. Greatness has been achieved.

    Like

  77. I gotta give it up for Viktor. Every comedy duo needs its straight man and Viktor, bless his heart, does his job very well. ; } And now I am officially homesick hearing about you and your girls having beers at the Alamo. Have a super T-day and make sure Wolf gets a little turkey, too.

    Like

  78. My birthday’s not til Friday, but man oh man this makes an awesome present for me too😉 I’m pretty sure the only thing better would be reversing time and attending with you. You look totally hot as a wolf.

    Like

  79. I make my 16 year old daughter read your blog when its so funny I have to share. Tonight she finally asked, “Are all these written by the same person doing all this stuff?” After I answered yes she asked “What’s wrong with her?” I promptly told her, “You know she’s someone’s Mom. Guess I’m not so bad afterall.” To which she immediately gasped and corrected me by declaring, “Are you kidding?!! She’d be AWESOME!” I agree. You are full of win. And on a side note those pics of you in Wolf Blitzer sitting on the bench totally look like something from a high-fashion mag!

    Like

  80. Only you could pull off Wolf Blitzer. Except for maybe Wolf Blitzer.

    And yes I had to Google “Wolf Blitzer”. I was pretty sure he was a person, but whenever I’m in doubt I Google.

    Like

    LynnDee recently posted Why Having a Boyfriend Is Like Having a Dog.

  81. You make me proud to be a woman! If you come to Nashville bring Wolf Blitzer. I’ll dress up as Red Riding Hood and we’ll go out to the country bars and freak out the locals. Although, they probably have guns. Might be a bad idea. And, how bad is it that I want that friggin Tauntaun?! That girls got talent!!!

    Like

    Lorelai Perrin recently posted Chasing My Childhood.

  82. I think they should pull the movie from theaters, re-cast the wolf dudes with you and Wolf Blitzer, then re-release it. You could play every wolf. It would be like Back to the Future, or every Eddie Murphie movie ever made. Actually, I think you and Wolf Blitzer should play all the rolls:

    “Oh Jenny Wolf Blitzer, your skin is so cold” Jenny Wolf Blitzer said, her fingers resting on the chest of Jenny Wolf Blizter.
    “Jenny Wolf Blitzer, you help me feel I could be warm again,” said Jenny Wolf Blitzer.
    “Don’t leave me, Jenny Wolf Blitzer,” Jenny Wolf Blitzer sobbed.

    I haven’t read the books or seen the movie, so that was my best guess of how the dialogue goes.

    Like

    Teresa recently posted This could be exciting, if you have a low threshold for excitment..

  83. I am surprised and amused.

    Did they give you money as well as Wolf Blitzer? Because cool as that is, having to read your own freaking audiobook seems like it’s worth some money to roll in as well. While wearing your wolf suit.

    Like

    Jen recently posted Happy Thanksgiving, From the Elka Almanac!.

  84. I’m not supposed to ever say things like this, I know, but the fact that I consider all of you (including Sue) friends makes me so fucking happy I can’t see straight. I’m doing something right, I just know it. I like being a degree away from all of this. Sue me.

    I love y’all. I love you. There is just no end to the things you do and how perfect they are in this world in 2011. You make me want to punch through every barrier to the real, crazy, best deal and that is why I’m so very grateful that I know you.

    Also, taxidermied wolf.

    I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JENNIFER LAWSON.

    Like

    Laurie recently posted Life List 2011.

  85. That is so amazingly awesome. i now want one:/

    Like

    LisaAnn recently posted I am a man o.O.

  86. How are you not institutionalised by now?
    seriously?

    Like

  87. Best photos ever? Probably.

    Like

    Veronica recently posted Showcase Tasmania: Boks Bacon.

  88. well shit. that’s made the entire effing week worth all the caca! BWA HAHAHA!

    gosh. i am so thankful for your shenanigans!

    Like

  89. You and your friends are fabulous! I hope the others at the theater appreciated how lucky they were to be there with you. :>

    Like

  90. You are fabulous. I just love this so damn much… I think it’s hilarious that when someone sees an interesting dead animal, you are the person that they think of to contact.
    This website makes my day every time I read it.
    THANK YOU!!

    Like

    Rebecca recently posted 10 Day You Challenge ~9 Loves~.

  91. Jenny, you simply are my hero. I want to be just like you when I grow up.

    Like

  92. You are made of awesome. Wolf Blitzer is a wonderful investment. Maybe if you point out to Victor that in addition to being suitable attire for seeing a Twilight movie, it can also be worn for any Red Riding Hood or werewolf movies plus any production of Peter & the Wolf, he will understand that you have mad barter skills. I mean, come on, Peter & the Wolf has an orchestra and requires fancy dress and Wolf Blitzer is clearly fancy.

    Like

    NerdGirl recently posted A Murder of Hats.

  93. Today I am thankful for you.

    And I’ll totally narrate your audiobook for you , if you like🙂

    Like

  94. I really do not know how you come up with this sh*t, but I am forever grateful that you do.

    I didn’t think you could top the dead mouse. I was wrong.

    Like

  95. You look so good in those photos that I’m genuinely starting to wonder if I now have a taxidermied wolf fetish.

    You are my hero.😀

    Like

  96. Again with the laughing with bronchitis, but it is sooooooo worth it to read your posts!! I love the wolf suit. I love wolves period, so I am glad to hear he died of old age and wasn’t killed randomly. Checking that makes you beyond super awesome!! 🙂

    Like

  97. Apart from the excellency that is a wolf that you can wear… can I just say, you and your friends a definitely repping the wolf/vampire look with some fierce wolf-sexiness… if that’s possible. I think it is. You seem to be doing it.

    Like

    Mysterious Mystery recently posted Look beyond your shit. Everyone craps too..

  98. I am 1/8th friggin American Indian and NO ONE ever gave me a friggin wolf headdress, which is so racist I want to howl at the moon but I can’t because I don’t have a friggin wolf suit.

    Who CARES that it’s coyotes that howl at the moon, and not wolves. This is NOT about that.

    Anyway, I will narrate your book for free if you let me wear Wolf Blitzer to a New Zealand meeting of Greenpeace, because they will totally get it.

    You should probably insure the wolf suit just in case.

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted Fergie Burgling – Oklahoma Democracy in Action… Plus Also Fumes, Beer and Whoa..

  99. P.S. I am so whoring your book on my blog.

    So can I borrow the wolf suit?

    Whore Wolf P.R.

    That will be my company’s new name.

    How awesome is that?

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted Fergie Burgling – Oklahoma Democracy in Action… Plus Also Fumes, Beer and Whoa..

  100. It’s hysterical that the rest of the theater was empty. Did all of the other patrons run away from your awesomeness? Or did you … go in the middle of the day? (I’m imagining the other patrons were real vampires and thus did not show up on film.)

    Like

  101. Oh wow! That’s pretty fucking amazing! Though it’s a wonder you weren’t attacked by all the Team Edward supporters. Teenage girls are vicious.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Motherhood & More: Thanksgiving is about all the right things*.

  102. I was unaware that you were part Native American. Surely, that is a PETA accepted reason for wearing fur! And,if they give you any more hassle, just ask them if they know who else was a vegetarian and an anti-vivsectionist.
    Adolf Hitler, that’s who. It’s totally true. You can look it up on Wikipedia. Seriously.

    Also? That post was made of awesome.

    Like

    Network Geek recently posted Geek’s Guide to New York.

  103. You are all kinds of awesome!

    Like

    Rainyday recently posted Let there be snow!.

  104. As I was reading, I kept hoping you would post a picture of this awesomeness…. and as usual, you did not disappoint!!
    HIGH-LARIOUS!

    Like

    Ciiku recently posted Gratitude Month.

  105. I totally love your doggy style.

    Like

    ErikaMarie recently posted My Baby Like Whoa.

  106. I’m dying to know what Wolf Blitzer felt like on the inside. In my mind he’s lined with cashmere.

    Like

  107. You are my hero.

    Like

  108. Just clarifying that before when I said institutionalised I meant it in a ‘oh you crazy funny thing you’ way not in a lock you up kind of way because trust me you would totally be joining me, if this were the 50’s and they still had asylums. I wonder if you can wear wolves in asylums, I bet you can, and you wouldn’t be the crazy one because that other chick draws pictures with her feces.

    Like

  109. Damn. Nice legs.

    Like

  110. OMG LOVE! I hope you wear it to all blog conferences in the future.

    Like

    tracy@sellabitmum recently posted I’m Thankful for Anthropologie..and For These Kids Too, Of Course….

  111. I think I’m in love… With Wolf Blitzer, that is. I don’t think my professor understands why I suddenly find phonetics hilarious.😀

    Like

  112. I can see this catching on like the Travelling Red Dress: allowing women everywhere to celebrate their impulsive, beautiful and – ultimately – wolfish side. The world needs more Wolf Blitzers!
    xoxo

    Like

    Claire J recently posted Grad School & Their Return on Investment.

  113. So.. like.. why isn’t Will -the paper collater – Wheaton doing the narrative? He so owes you. Without you he’d be “will who”?

    Like

  114. Muppets made me lose it. And you can drink? In? Your? Theatre?

    Like

    cathy recently posted No. No, That’s NOT The Best Of The Seventies. At All..

  115. You should send Wolf Blitzer on walkabout. We can take turns keeping him for a week and blogging our adventures before we send him on to the next person. Me first.

    Like

  116. After I read your stories (and stop hiccuping from laughter) I can never decide if I love you or Victor more. (It’s you. But not by much.)

    Like

  117. I just laughed so hard, I woke up my baby. This is possibly one of the greatest things I have ever read.

    Like

  118. I’d need to be less drunk to wear a dead wolf than I would be to voluntarily cough up money to watch any Twilight movie.

    Cue PETA reps in 3… 2… 1….

    Like

    andie recently posted A post in honor of Movember or "Dirty Porn-staches Abound".

  119. That second to last picture is the damn funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

    Like

    Brian recently posted And this is why..

  120. You are amazing! I can’t believe you actually got that wolf. Wearing it to the Twilight film was a no brainer. I think even I would have done that. I’d be more embarrassed to go to the movie than wearing a full blown wolf outfit in public.

    Like

    When Pigs Fly recently posted Housekeeping on the Blog Front.

  121. haha i agreed with Brian. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

    Like

  122. Where to start!
    You worked “carry-on” into talking about a dead wolf – because you’re awesome.
    Pocahontas totally needed an audiobook – awesome.
    You’ll totally read better than James Earl Jones, though I think you’re book would be good read by Samuel L Jackson.
    I totally went to the premiere dressed as the cynical friend who doesn’t understand how much fun it is to wear a Bigfoot costume in public, but I do get brownie points (self inflicted brownie points) for wearing a ‘Team Alice’ shirt and going with 6 women.
    Yeah, ESP wolf-talk was lame!
    Oh, and you’re totally hot in picture 2.
    I’m totally going to stop saying totally now.

    WG

    Like

    WilyGuy recently posted Follow NOW for Black Friday deals!!!!.

  123. OMG I can’t believe they bought you Wolf Blitzer. Your Publisher ROCKS! and it really is amazing (if completely and utterly creepy)
    have fun!!!!

    Like

  124. I’ve never been more sincere about a cliche in all my life: thank you for being you.

    Like

  125. I’m doing my best to understand why I’m not surprised.

    I can not believe Beyonce’ wasn’t sitting right there with you.

    Wolves love chickens, you know?

    Like

    Carrie recently posted It’d only be worse if it were a man calling me Kelly. When, yeah…I’m not Kelly..

  126. Do the legs knock against you when you walk? Are the toenails still on? Because if so, you’re going to want to be careful about not wearing your best hosiery with Wolf Blitzer.

    Like

    Rev. Back It On Up 13 recently posted Conversations: Too Little, Too Late.

  127. Oh my sweet, sweet Lord in heaven… I FUCKING LOVE YOU. There aren’t words for how much I needed this post.

    MASSIVE congratulations on Wolf Blitzer. He’s awesome. But not as awesome as you are.

    You need to dress Beyoncé up on the Wolf Suit. Because wolves swallow chickens. We know that from cartoons. You can clip Copernicus to his nose and pose the cobra vs mongoose montage in front of the scene and have Hamlet von Schnitzel in front narrating the scene.

    Also, I need a black 1950s cocktail dress. And combat boots. For a photo shoot for my blog. Because I don’t have the vaginal fortitude to pull off wearing a dead wolf.

    Coming soon to my blog: photos of my madcap friends who are HUGE fans of yours… posing with Jay-Z, the giant metal peacock we bought in your honour.

    Like

    Jennie recently posted Hope for the Future..

  128. Wait… when did you add the moderation requirement, or has it always been there and I’m just too ADD and/or drunk most of the time to have noticed?

    Like

    Jennie recently posted Hope for the Future..

  129. How did Laura get her eyes to glow red in that one shot?

    Like

  130. I know, can you believe that; like they could really talk with their minds………….

    Like

    Bill Dorman recently posted Life in the social media bubble, is it real.

  131. …and this is why I live my life vicariously through you…and it makes me SOOOO happy. The smile on my face should last the rest of the day. You are the definition of “awesome”.

    Beyonce and Blitzer getting together for drinks later?

    Like

  132. You are a very brave woman. Not just about the dead wolf pelt thing, but because you dared to call a sparkle vamp movie ‘stupid’. On the internet. May God of SEO and Google be watching over you and your loved ones so that sparkling fans don’t show up en masse at your door to defend Edward’s honor.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    Like

    Chelsie recently posted Three Ring Mom does NaNoWriMo (again).

  133. When you wear Wolf Blitzer you remind me of Princess Mononoke.

    I hated the mind reading part too. It was too cheesy.

    Like

  134. Those shoes totally go with that dead wolf you are wearing. Do I see a new fashion trend starting? Absolutely!

    Like

    Lisa Card recently posted Kevin O’Leary Knows Best (Or so he thinks).

  135. jesus christ. I vote to make you the patron saint of the crazies. my brother had bestowed this title upon me, but woah, he didn’t know about you.

    you.are.my.hero

    Like

    Cat @Breakfast to Bed recently posted Orange Ginger Cranberry Sauce.

  136. That is the best wig you have ever worn. You might need to ship it to yourself for events like BlogHer, but Wolf Blitzer will be totally bad-ass in the Ladies Room.

    Like

    unmitigated me recently posted Automotive Wish List.

  137. I’m totally forwarding this link to Wolf Blitzer. The resemblance is uncanny.

    Like

  138. did wolf blitzer pop a boner upon seeing jacob’s six packs?

    Like

    Goradde recently posted What do you want for Christmas?.

  139. Ok, I spend a fair amount of time out and about, shopping in lots of different stores and places. I spend way too much time on the web, surfing in unlikely places. And I am hardly what anyone would call “normal” (Thank God!). But in all my time doing these things, I have never, ever seen giant metal chicken sculptures, stuffed monkeys with leprous faces, or wearable full wolf pelts. Quite clearly, when you do these things, you quite routinely forget to make the planned left turn at Albuquerque.

    Hats off to you for once again leaving Victor speechless!

    Like

  140. WTF- how can you be Team Jacob?!

    Does it come in a larger size? Just wondering.

    Like

    Marinka recently posted I’ve been quieter than usual.

  141. You are my hero.

    Like

    Milaka recently posted The Horrors of a Blank Screen.

  142. 142
    UnderwaterAttackCat

    If I were your friend I would have worn sparkly lip gloss so that onlookers might get the impression that it’s from giving vamps BJ’s.

    Like

  143. 143
    Sandra (a.k.a. Sandrandan)

    You’re amazing.

    Like

  144. You are now also totally set for Game of Thrones (season 2 starts in April.) Wolf Blitzer just goes so many places!

    I also think you should ask Wil W to read your book. I bet he would. Or NPH.

    Like

  145. I would have worn the big foot costume! I once dressed as a life size California Raisin to go skating…..and a silver skidoo suit to humiliate my friends while tobogganing. The only thing I found weird…..your movie theatres have tables infront of each seat??

    Like

  146. Wolf Blitzer needs a baby blitzer. You totally need a mini version of this costume for your cat.

    Like

    Wendy recently posted When Good Turkeys Go Bad.

  147. Holy shit, I want one. That wolf suit is incredible!

    Like

    Kendahl recently posted Being fit. Not skinny, but fit..

  148. Team Jacob? Seriously?

    Like

    Jill Amery recently posted Vertical Navigation Menu (PSD).

  149. Am I the only one who thinks this whole Team Edward / Team Jacob choice is kinda wrong? Basically aren’t they just asking us to choose between Necrophilia and Bestiality? Can I state for the record…if there is a human interest…I’ll be on his team! …just saying!🙂

    Like

  150. I don’t remember the last time I laughed this hard.

    Like

  151. This presents a problem — when I see a person wearing a wolf outfit, how can I tell if they have a perfectly logical reason (like you do) or if they are foam-at-the-mouth crazy?

    P.S. It looks like there are no people sitting near you two in the theatre. I wonder why.

    Like

  152. Shit, I scared the cat and may have to change my pants before I go to my mom’s house.

    Like

  153. You should also wear Wolf to the pet store every time you need to shop for your cats. Then you’d be like a big wolf who owns a bunch of cats, which is silly because why would a wolf go to the pet store for his cats? He’d go for himself. Actually, come to think of it, what did your cats think of your giant wolf outfit? I imagine that would be pretty awkward as well.

    Like

    Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted What are you thankful for, Superman? – Updated.

  154. You’re probably the best person ever! In that you make wearing a wolves hide look chic. Laughed my ass off! Thanks for a great start to my day!!🙂

    Like

  155. Brilliant!

    Thankful for you, always making me laugh.

    Like

  156. Only you could pull this whole thing off. You rock!

    Like

    Brenna recently posted Let me go wash my hands again.

  157. This year? I am thankful for The Bloggess and Wolf Blitzer and Sno-Cones. Exactly in that order. Happy Thanksgiving, Jenny!

    Like

  158. THIS. IS. AMAZING. You are the most hilarious person ever. Also, awesomest.

    Like

  159. It puts the lotion on it’s skin or it gets the hose again.

    Like

  160. “I told Victor that I would name him Wolf Blitzer”

    It’s like there’s nothing you can do about that joke, it’s coming and you just have to stand there.

    Like

  161. I love you. That is all.

    Like

  162. Wolf Blitzer is most awesome, but what’s most amazing is how natural you look in him. It kind of looks like one of those strange photo shoots that Tyra sets up on ANTM. lol

    Like

  163. I’m filing this under things to be thankful for.

    Like

    alaina recently posted Gone Batty..

  164. I want one… but my boyfriend assures me it would be a deal breaker.

    Like

    Dom recently posted Hike to Sunfish Pond.

  165. Oh man that is fun! You are so much FUN! Sorry, shouted. And the costume is weirdly beautiful.

    Like

    Jody recently posted I swear I didn’t have kids just for this.

  166. Oh my GOD. That’s hilarious. HILARIOUS! That wolf was totally wearing you, though. Happy Thanksgiving!!

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted Yeah, I Said It…I’m Excited About Christmas.

  167. 167
    Judith Mayne

    Jenny you are everything I aspire to be in life. You have made my very shitty day bearable. Thank you.

    Like

  168. Best. Purchase… EVER.

    Like

  169. Brave woman – my hero as always.

    Like

    Jeans Y recently posted Hisssstarically bad.....

  170. I can imagine all the guys pointing you out to their friends, saying “That wolf has great legs!” I’ll bet you and your friends caused a lot of guys to recieve a nasty look and an elbow in the ribs from jealous girlfriends.

    Like

  171. Oh my God! You got it! I’ve been wondering what happened with all that. This really was brilliant! Wait til the IRS sees the pictures! They’ll give you extra deductions just for making them giggle for the first time in their lives.

    Like

    Eva recently posted Casually Pepper Spray Everything Cop.

  172. This is the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen in my life!!!!

    Like

    Jaime recently posted I have a superhero in my pants..

  173. You bring a whole new meaning to furry fandom.
    RAWR.

    Like

  174. This is like the most amazing thing ever. I bow to your awesomeness.

    Like

    Jayme (The Random Blogette) recently posted The Obligatory Thanksgiving Post.

  175. Oh. My. God. This is amazing. I love how smart you were about bartering for this totally necessary item. Thank you for taking photos. THANK YOU!

    Like

    Rease recently posted Affordable Africa: the pros & cons of overland truck tours.

  176. Please be careful if you are ever traveling the Candian wilderness while wearing that. From one dominant female to the other, those female wolves can be real bitches.

    Like

  177. So funnee!

    Like

    The Animated Woman recently posted The Supah-Sam CONTEST!.

  178. Cripes, it’s posts like this that make me want your life.

    Like

  179. You are the coolest person I don’t know but totally pretend I know. I prove our pretend friendship by showing that you are following me on Pinterest. That totally means we are BFF.

    Like

  180. OH MY GOD, my dogs just looked at me and wondered what in the hell is going on!! That’s freaking HYSTERICAL!!!!

    Like

  181. I got all warm and fuzzy just reading this…

    Like

    Joni recently posted Nuts.

  182. Best…Twilight…post…EVER!!!!

    Can I come live with you?

    nicole

    Like

    nicole @WriteSpell recently posted Oh so pretty.

  183. Alright, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I’m with Victor on this one.

    Like

  184. Oh my gosh! You gals kill me!!! So freaking funny.

    Like

    Amy @ Living Locurto recently posted Holiday Party Invitations {Free Printable}.

  185. You freakin’ rock!

    Like

  186. I see no reason why TSA wouldn’t allow you to take Wolf Blitzer on to an airplane.

    Also, how to get around KickStarter: just tell them you’re starting your own #Occupy movement, called #OccupyWolfSkin. Or, pitch it as a full-body condom – with teeth.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    ~EdT.

    Like

    EdT. recently posted <i>Chopped</i>: Class Acts.

  187. Oh no you didn’t.

    Of course you did.

    Awesome!

    Like

    Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted Searching for Life’s Purpose.

  188. I just added wolf snuggie to my Christmas list, right after Rockette lessons. And then gave it to my husband.

    And he was all “I…..am just going to get you jewelry.”

    I have NO idea why I married him sometimes.

    Like

    Lauren recently posted Having Myself a Merry Little Christmas...While Ryan Quietly Sobs in the Shower. I Can Still Hear You RYAN..

  189. Love this! Maybe you should send Wolf Blitzer around like the red dress!

    Like

    Liz D recently posted Defending the Twilight Saga.

  190. Oh my freakin’ goodness! Hysterical!
    I went to see it with my daughter yesterday, sans a wolf suit. Yes, telepathic wolf conversations are the dumbest thing ever. Like, ever in the history of ever.
    But outside of said ridiculous in-the-head-wolf-discussions, Team Jacob = awesome!

    Like

    theflameinside recently posted On a clear day you can see forever.

  191. So many kinds of awesome, I can’t comment. The only good thing about “Twilight” is that it allowed you to get Wolf Blitzer.

    Like

    elz recently posted Friday Favorite-Running for Champagne.

  192. Yet again, if ever my friends and work colleagues think I’m slightly left of centre, I just point them in the direction of your blog. Brilliant!

    I’m going to see this movie at the weekend but now I am going to feel underdressed whatever I wear.

    Like

    TheDHW recently posted Not quite Harvey Nicks.

  193. 193
    Paradox Fyre

    I have no words to describe your awesomeness. – Except for right there. Thank you for expressing your faboo self in all it’s glory and bringing us panic-attack, depression-fighting, wish-we-had-Wolf-Blitzers-of-our-own Soul Sisters some glee (but not always of the singing variety) and inspiration to be who we are with megaphones. – But quiet ones otherwise we’ll get kicked out of the theatre. And libraries where we are reading up on how to craft our own Wolf-Blitzers. I will, once again, celebrate and affirm who we uniquely are by doing my impersonation of a marauding Godzilla (technically an “imZilla-ation”?) while here in the office. I’m sure the accountants and software programmers I work with will appreciate it to no end and be inspired to express themselves similarly. Thank you.
    p.s. Yes, we need some cards or something with the Wolf Blitzer photos on them, especially of the one where you’re sitting on the bench, waiting for the movie. It says so much and a card with that on it would help express the sentiment of so many occasions. I’m running out now to buy stamps. Don’t tell my boss.

    Like

  194. Are you like my sister? Because I totally think we could be sisters. I too buy weird things *did you know that there really is a NARWHAL* I only say this because I am making 25…I could make 26 and send one to you for all the Culinary Students in my class. Because we are now Team Narwhal. That was random and I’m sorry about that. But I’m really not. And if you want a narwhal just let me know, I’ll make you one too! And I love you and I too would like a wolf pelt. I wish I knew they had exsisted because I saw Twilight at Midnight *well 8pm* and that would have been awesome to wear. No one would have MESSED WITH ME! So yeah.❤ More pics please!

    Like

    Lesley recently posted Team Narwhal.

  195. I just want you to know that I think you are HILARIOUS!!!! Remember this comment and the others below when you are having a dark day! You have a real talent for making people laugh! Take care xx

    Like

  196. When were you planning to explain how the cocktail dress and ballerina flats complement Wolf Blitzer? In my dream, he ate the office admin we all hated in a fit of awesomeness at the company Christmas party.

    Like

    Erica M recently posted lovelinks #32 is open for voting.

  197. How come we don’t have theaters like that??? What a concept, give people booze while watching a movie…Canadians just don’t think of shit like that.

    I am totally pinning this, you guys are my heroes…

    Like

  198. Okay, seriously, I’ve NEVER SEEN A STUFFED/DEAD/WEARABLE animal in public ever, and being a military brat/spouse, I’ve lived ALL OVER. How on EARTH do you stumble across these things?! I mean, I’ve spent… at least 25% of my life in Texas (East, Central, South) and still. Unless they’re hung on someone’s wall staring at me with dead, marble eyes (which are usually crossed), I’ve never seen one!! But you find them EVERYWHERE. I’m beginning to think you have an odd taxidermist stalker.

    Like

  199. I only need to know if Wolf Blizter smells. Because I imagine that a taxidermied wolf that died of kidney failure would smell unique and not delish.

    Like

    Jessica recently posted C**try Living.

  200. Love it ..just one thing, you have to take out Victor’s logic chip! Or, is that the only modicum of sanity that exists in the family.. Happy Thanksgiving you mad, wonderful, talented lady!

    Like

    tinty99 recently posted Look up.

  201. You need to wear the epic red dress while donning Wolf Blitzer. Then call up the New Yorker and tell them you have never seen photos of Wolf Blitzer in a red dress. That would top it all! And if you do this, I have to tag along.

    Like

  202. This Wolf Blitzer thing really has legs! (I’m so punny.) You could incorporate him into other gatherings, too. For Thanksgiving, everyone could come dressed in their favorite taxidermy and you could wear Wolf Blitzer again!

    …or is taxidermy like Academy Awards dresses?: you can only wear each dead wolf once or else people will talk.

    Like

    Crusty recently posted PARTY RATS!.

  203. 203
    Tom S. Benedict

    Nice gams on that she-wolf. Oh, to be young again, (sigh).

    Like

  204. 204
    Alabama Worley

    My dearest Jenny, you are our greatest joy. Seriously. Instead of gossiping, when the gals and I get together, we read your blog aloud. And we hereby volunteer to do your book!
    Hugs and kisses to the funniest broad we know and thanks for the laughs!

    Like

  205. Just so you are aware…You’re my hero, and I LOVE this blog!

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

    Like

    Jules recently posted Muffaletta, Turducken, and Thanksgiving….

  206. I love your brain and how it does it’s thang! You’re hilarious! Thanks.

    Like

  207. OMG – you are my hero. Hysterical! When I see you’ve posted something new I stop everything I am doing to read it – and it’s always worth it! You’re a genius!

    Like

  208. You are the Bestest Wolf Ever.
    Happy Thanksgiving, my friend.🙂

    Like

    Daddy Scratches recently posted Zombie Dinner Party … with your chef, Dr. Hannibal Lector.

  209. This is the first thing I read on this Thanksgiving morning…and it will set the tone for the rest of the day. So many kinds of awesome…can’t come up with words! Except…thanks for being you and having such awesome partners in crime and for sharing all the awesome/weirdness with us.

    Like

  210. 210
    Mrs. Mustache

    You’ll just have to be wary of people trying to have sex on you, because that’s what they do on fur rugs. Unless it’s your fur sex rug, in which case you’re on the wrong side.

    Like

  211. Damn, girl! You are wonderful!! I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed and begin this ridiculous tradition of cooking food we never eat the rest of the year because would anyone really appreciate it anyway?? Yes, I was in that kind of mood this morning. I was about to bite someone’s head off or something, and so I thought to myself: You need intervention, NOW. So I typed in your blog address. And, I’m going to be honest with you: I was thinking: damn bloggess, She probably won’t even have a new post up, cause her vagina tried to kill her and it’s Thanksgiving, so she’s probably off enjoying her family, not even thinking about me (us) who rely on her for funny thoughts; so inconsiderate. . . And then, without knowing it, you bitch slapped me upside the head with the FUNNIEST POST EVER!. After reading about Wolf Blitzer, I was laughing and knew then that I could do any type of food prep because all is right with the world because a wolf attended a Twilight movie. You have made me furiously happy.

    Like

  212. BTW, how did you find an empty theater? Also, you look smoking hot in that wolf snuggie. You’re beautiful!!

    Like

  213. I also think Haley should go as red riding hood for halloween. You two would win all the marbles.

    Like

    Mrs. Mustache recently posted Apology Pie. It Has No Crows In It. I Think..

  214. Wolf Blitzer makes you look sooooooo thin! I need one. Beats the hell out of dieting.

    Like

    Amy recently posted 11/16/11.

  215. Jenny, I love you so much. I think the Drafthouse should ask you and WolfBlitzer to do one of their “talk and we’ll kick your ass out” ads. You could sneak up on the talking person and pretend to attack them and it would totally scare the shit out of them.

    Like

  216. Totally effing awesome! I love doing crazy things like this in public, especially just to see people looking at me like “WTF?!”. And I thought my cooked turkey hat I’m wearing to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner was going to be amusing. Amusing only because I became a vegetarian a few months ago and this is my first Thanksgiving without eating turkey. Irony = amusing in my book! But Wolf Blitzer has blown that out of the water. Damn you, you’ve one-upped me yet again! Someday I will be almost as awesome as you. Someday…

    Like

    Stephie H recently posted Settling into my plant-based world.

  217. Could Wolf Blitzer turn into ‘The traveling wolf of badassery”??? It would be like the traveling red dress; but more BADASS!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  218. I needed this today, thank you!! You’re awesome.:o)

    Like

    Lorilei recently posted A Goodbye Cake.

  219. Wolfblitzer totally needs to go on tour – and his first stop should be my house. It’s in Canada – it’s cold here – so he’ll totally be useful. Plus, I’m pregnant and totally need pregnant belly photos while wearing him.

    I’m so jealous.

    Like

  220. Lmao… I’m thinking that Wolf Blitzer needs to make an appearance in NYC for BlogHer… Just sayin’. I’m thinking blog of the year… Guest presenter…. Hmmm

    Like

  221. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard ‘and this is why you can’t make financial decisions without me.’🙂 But in the end, everyone’s happy and forgets that I had to spend money to bring something fantastic home for everyone’s enjoyment, so really it’s a win-win.

    Like

    Emily S. recently posted You can have a cat or a baby..

  222. Sorry cute picture of my kids on my computer background, you’ve been replaced by this one http://thebloggess.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/wolf-blitzer-bloggess-4.jpg of Jenny, Laura and Wolf Blitzer.

    Like

    Marc Nathan recently posted Help Tapja win the Global Startup Battle.

  223. Not since Knock Knock Mother-Fucker have I laughed this hard. Seriously.

    The picture of you buying the ticket? CLASSIC!!!

    Like

  224. Awesome!! Don’t be embarrassed, I want to see it and I’m in my 40’s (barely).

    Like

  225. I totally agree that the werewolves talking with their minds was the worst part of the whole movie. And although I love the story, the whole I had sex, got pregnant and ALMOST DIED part…is a little ridiculous, too.

    Like

  226. OMG… I so needed this post today! Thank you, Jenny. Crazy is as Crazy does and lady, you should be nominated for Queen of the Crazy. ❤ your posts and your sense of humor. *so wishes she had a Wolf Blitzer*

    Like

  227. OMG, I almost peed myself laughing

    Like

    sarina recently posted We will never forget.

  228. LOVE!!! And I would much rather heaar you reading your book anyway…

    Like

  229. Wolf blitzer is a totally slimming look.
    Thank you for making your humble fans furiously happy.

    Like

  230. Ummmmmm….

    Like

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Not every day sucks - today notwithstanding.

  231. There’s not really anything about that that isn’t awesome.

    Like

  232. I don’t think you will ever be able to top this awesome post.

    Like

  233. This is just amazing. I don’t even know what to say. I can’t wait to get drunk with my best friends and go watch that movie. Not for the movie, because Twilight sucks. But for the getting wasted with my friends part.

    Like

    Amanda recently posted Failing To Pick People Up: A Case Study.

  234. I’m jealous—I wouldn’t have the balls to do this. (Figuratively speaking, of course.)

    Like

    EmSpeaks recently posted Happy Thanksgiving!.

  235. Now I want a Wolf Blitzer. And not the lame-o CNN one.

    When it comes to Twilight, I’m team Couldn’t-Give-a-Shit … you think that matters when it comes to securing my own hoodie?

    Like

    Becky Rice recently posted Overscheduled-giving.

  236. abso-freaking fantastic!!!!!!!

    Like

  237. I’m beyond jealous… I can’t even get anyone to go with me to the movies when I wear my “regular” fur-lined hoodie… and, it’s soooo not real fur, no fangs and – ok – not nearly as cool. And, you can not only pull off a full wolf hoodie but you also have friends who will join you. Have I mentioned I hate you?

    Like

    The Hubby Diaries recently posted 10 Things I’m Thankful For (Hubby Diaries Style!).

  238. Totes awesome. And again, I love those shoes.

    Like

  239. Pocahontas FTW!

    Like

  240. So I totally lmao at this, but from the beginning of the post I couldn’t help but wonder if Wolf Blitzer smells weird. Lol.

    Like

  241. “It’s sort of amazing that we weren’t kicked out of the theater.” Yes. Yes it is. Unless they were WAY too afraid of you both😉 And. Need I reiterate? You (AND Laura) are totally made of awesome.

    Like

  242. posts like this are the reason i created a twitter account JUST to follow you.

    Like

  243. Your conversations with Victor completely rival myself and my hubs. Love it!

    Like

  244. That would be Awk-weird.

    Like

  245. Total awesomeness!

    Like

  246. I bet if Victor think that if he had done the negotiation he would have gotten Tatum too. Which would have been AWESOME.

    Like

    sara recently posted That is awesome..

  247. Side note: Wolf Blitzer makes your legs look fantastic. That’s a good reason to keep him if nothing else.

    Like

  248. Your friends make my friends look like shit. 🙂

    Like

    Kim recently posted I’ve got 99 problems and a rehab nurse ain’t one, motherfuckers..

  249. Girl, PETA can suck it! That wolf would be proud to be so useful and bring so much joy. They don’t actually help animals anyway. They just make commercials with naked actresses (not known for their brains to begin with, poor dears) to help “raise awareness”. And money, of course, but not to actually help animals, which is just as fine anyway, as animals live by the creed “only the strongest survive” and do not appreciate all the “help” from PETA.

    Like

    momiss recently posted Speaking of Hot Toddies......

  250. O.M.F.G. – you get the coolest dead animal stuff! I’ve been wanting a taxidermed squirrel forever and my hubby says no but you get to have multiple ones!?!? I love the fact the Victor just lets the whole thing drop after you get your way!

    PS – I am totally Team Edward and I saw the new Twilight movie and thought i was going to piss myself laughing between the really bad imprinting scene and the Transformer like voices of the wolves talking to each other.

    Like

  251. OMG! That is hilarious!

    So glad you got Wolf Blitzer😀

    Like

    Wayfaring Wanderer recently posted Confessions of a Lazy Travel Blogger.

  252. Somehow on you Wolf Blitzer doesn’t seem the least bit strange. I wonder why that is. I just hope James Garfield and Copernicus don’t get jealous since you never really take them out and about.

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Another Mish Mash Monday.

  253. I have never before in my life wanted to be BFF’s with anyone the way I want to be yours! You are fucking hilarious and so random that I think we are twins separated at birth!!!

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours Jenny! And keep flying that freak flag of yours!!!

    Like

  254. Somehow you make wearing a dead wolf look cool and even a little bit sexy …I bet my dog would be all over that.

    Like

    Redneck Hillbillies recently posted Four. ESS. Baby!.

  255. For the record, I would happily (for free) record your audiobook. I’ve been told I have a very nice voice. In fact, my voice has gotten me a couple of jobs (I promise they weren’t phone sex jobs!)

    Wolf Blitzer looks like he was tailor made for you! Plus, you’re being environmentally responsible for re-using his pelt, so maybe you can barter for some carbon offsets, too!

    Like

    MsDarkstar recently posted Busy November (for which I am thankful).

  256. The absolute joy this post brings me cannot be put into words.

    Like

    Untypically Jia recently posted It Turkeys Could Talk.

  257. I had no idea wolf hoodies worked for panic attacks. You seriously need to market that shit. Feeling nervous? Beginning to hyperventilate? Just remember you are wearing a WOLF PELT!!! If something makes you nervous, JUST BITE IT WITH YOUR WOLF TEETH!!!

    I’m pretty sure that would calm anyone down.

    Like

    Emma recently posted Job Hunting.

  258. You are my hero.
    I love Wolf Blitzer — you two would be welcome at my place any day for tea.

    Like

    Marie recently posted If the weather channel was the KKK, my mother would be the Grand Dragon.

  259. holy crap, I laughed so hard I almost peed myself.

    Like

  260. I so totally know that theater….and if I had a wolf blitzer, I might go to a movie. However, I don’t think I could go see Twilight. That way I can keep my membership to NASTY (No, Ain’t Seen Twilight Yet). Maybe I could wear a Wolf Blitzer to see Hugo? I could do that. Yeah. Or maybe some elf ears.

    Like

  261. How much more freakin’ AWSOME can you get??? Love you, Girl!

    Like

  262. Ok, I love you…just love you.

    Like

  263. Holy crap! I am laughing so hard I am crying and people are due here any moment. You are so awesome!!!

    Like

  264. “The night Jen wore her wolf-suit and made mischief of one sort or another…”

    Like

  265. Totally. Dying. Here.

    Can I be you when I grow up? Oh wait, I’m already gonna be my friend Mickey when I grow up, but maybe I can be you for a year or two before I become Mickey.😀

    Seriously, I was wiping away tears before I got to the pictures….. WOLF BLITZER IS AWESOME!!

    Like

    CaroG87 recently posted Surviving the Whirlwind.

  266. But what will you wear for New Years now?

    Like

    Aunt Snow recently posted Abundance to give thanks for.

  267. This is destined to join “Dogs In Elk” and “I Haz A Sweet Potato.”

    Like

  268. From the minute I saw the original Wolf Blitzer picture I was like oh hell yea! Tell me she bought that shit!

    Like

  269. Have I told you why I love you? No? WELL IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE FRIGGIN’ AWESOMEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😀

    Like

    Feryxlim recently posted Whoring my ass out. peace..

  270. You are the next best thing to smokin’ weed.

    Like

  271. and this is why you are my heroine!

    Like

  272. Dude. I have an alaskan malamute who looks A LOT like Wolf Blitzer. Guess what I am going to do with her when she dies?

    Like

    Jennifer @therebelchick recently posted Family Fun with Spy Kids: All The Time In The World on Blu-ray & DVD!.

  273. My 3 problems with this otherwise fine film (CAUTION – SPOILERS!)

    (1) Same as you, Jenny. HATED when wolves began their mind talking. (It was like ‘G-Force,’ except with werewolves.)

    (2) When Edward’s venom was flying through Bella’s veins, it reminded me of the opening credits of ‘Look Who’s Talking.’ (Another awful movie to which I have been exposed.)

    (3) Renesmee? Okay, I have no cheesy movie references for this one but, as a Michele with one “L,” I’m here to say that this kid has NO shot at finding a personalized name plate for her bike. None. Poor mudblood vampire. (Fine. Technically, that IS a movie reference
    … but it’s an awesome one so it doesn’t count.)

    Seriously, I hope your movie theater offers a re-release of ‘Dances with Wolves’ soon. Not only will you be a legend wearing it there, but you’ll also be able to tell Victor that the outfit practically paid for itself by then!

    Like

    OldDogNewTits recently posted At least it won’t be MY house that has turkey bits falling between the counter and the stove this year.

  274. the timing on your post could. not. be. better.

    think we all know what just went to the top of my holiday wish list!

    wolf costumes for everyone this holiday season!

    Like

    Anna ~ Random Handprints recently posted Happy Thanksgiving - Suffragette Style.

  275. This is so what me and my goofy barn friends would attempt to do… the problem is, I’m 49 years old, they’re all teenagers, I’m supposed to be the grown up and I act as ridiculous as they do… and it makes me so happy … I read your blogs to the hubs and he just sighs and says I can’t visit your page anymore… he has great empathy for Victor… I say he’s blessed to have you! Who wants boring and predictable every day? Love ya chick – stay giddy and surrounded by amazing friends –

    Like

  276. What else would you wear to a Twilight movie? I wish we had theaters with alcohol.

    Like

    a recently posted File Under: A Little Competition is a Good Thing?.

  277. TOTALLY BEYOND AWESOME……..MADE MY DAY🙂

    Like

  278. OMG! I would wear that to the Elvis Chapel in Vegas when we get all remarried up on our 20th anniversary next yeaar. Because it is soooo Fabulous!

    Like

    fabgrandmaF recently posted Gluten Free Sweet Potato Casserole Recipe.

  279. 281
    victor (not your husband)

    Jenny,
    Wolf Blitzer is pretty cool but you should have pointed out how totally amazing your legs look in the photos.

    Like

  280. 282
    CrazyBoredMommy

    awesome. love you. I’m pretty sure you say exactly what the other voice in my head would say . . . if only she were wittier.

    Like

  281. Oh my gosh that’s the best thing I’ve seen in forever. I can so see this being me and I just loved the whole post. So glad photos were included.

    Like

    Brandy recently posted Have a Happy Marvel Thanksgiving!.

  282. You are as entertainingly insane as Misha Collins but you have way better legs. JSYK.

    Like

  283. My god, woman, you and your friends certainly get dressed up to go to the movies! And I do NOT mean the Wolf Blitzer thing, which is totally awesome and gorgeous btw; no, I mean the nylons and the heels and the dresses. Is that Texas thang? Cuz up here in the North Wood of Wisconsin we wear jeans and plaid flannel shirts and bib overalls.

    Like

    kmkat recently posted The annual knitting retreat with CPE credit..

  284. Those are some AMAZING photos. Because of the situation. And the lighting. How did no one else in the theatre show up in (or get bothered by) them?

    Like

    Jell Jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown recently posted Guest Preggo: 11 Weeks..

  285. So, I read this and I fell in love with the pictures. I asked my husband if I could get a dead wolf snuggie of my own, but he said no. But he’s not the boss of me, and I have Connections. So, I went to my father, who happens to be a taxidermist. I showed him the pictures and excitedly asked if he would make me one.

    I can’t have a wolf… But I might get a dead coyote snuggie for Xmas.🙂

    Husband is unpleased.

    Like

  286. This whole thing is just made of awesome, great activity and article. Really nice photos too.

    Like

  287. You come up with the best names for your animals – both living & stuffed. I laughed out loud at the pictures.

    Like

    Courtney recently posted A Baptist church in North Carolina has voted to stop legally marrying anyone until homosexuals have marriage equality..

  288. OMG….I love the slam to Twilight first off. Second, this makes me want a stole. heheheheheeeeeeeee

    Like

    Karen Sanders recently posted The First Thanksgiving (in nearly 4 years).

  289. You’re my fucking hero!!!!!! I need new friends. I need friends that understand the utter awesomeness that is Wolf Blitzer.

    Like

  290. BTW, I got married and I’m actually Karen ((Hawks)) Sanders.

    Like

    Karen (Hawks) Sanders recently posted The First Thanksgiving (in nearly 4 years).

  291. I totally peed my pants reading this. Thank you.

    Like

  292. Dear Bloggess, you just saved Thanksgiving. After a four-way screamfest between my mother, father, sister and brother-in-law, with multiple threats of divorce and violence, and my niece and nephew hiding in their rooms, I broke the tension by laughing so hard at your blog I nearly peed myself. Then proceeded to read aloud your stories about Wolf Blitzer, Beyonce, Hamlet von Schnitzel and Copernicus to my 67 yo mother and 78 yo old father, obscenities included. They laughed so hard I think my mother pulled something and my dad may have had a stroke. My niece also found it hilarious (obscenities deleted) and asks if she can also have her own Hamlet von Schnitzel to bring with her to visit me in New York someday. We are all preordering your book for xmas and my mom promised me the “Be nice or I will stab you” poster for my office. So thanks again for saving Thanksgiving. Because you know, blood doesn’t really go with pumpkin pie.

    Like

  293. Seriously. My mother was wondering what the hell I was laughing at gave me a quizzical look when I told her I was reading about a woman who bought a wolf skin hoodie with fangs and named it Wolf Blitzer. She thinks I’m nuts. I think it’s all relative.

    Like

    Brandon S. recently posted All That Glitters Isn’t Gold … It’s Pink!.

  294. Hee hee, not sure I could get away with that look, but you pull it off nicely. (as the actress said to the bishop)

    Like

    Ms Kate recently posted Plait for a plait.

  295. I need to stop reading your blog posts while holding my sleeping baby. I almost woke him up laughing at this post.

    Also, you totally made me miss Alamo Drafthouse. (ok, ok, I *always* miss Alamo…).

    Like

    Marcy recently posted (almost) One year.

  296. I thought you couldn’t top Beyonce…Then you did. Well played.

    Like

    Lindsay @ Lindsay Blogs recently posted Dear Everyone,.

  297. You need to check out Revolutionary War re-enactments. There are all kinds of hides and stuff at them. My husband wore a partial head as top of his hat. I have a buckskin dress. If one is ever in your area, you should check it out.

    Like

  298. You are an effing awesome negotiator! And you rocked the wolf-snuggie look. For someone who experiences serial, debilitating panic attacks, you sure do some panic-inducing stunts. I would have had a panic attack just trying it on. Good for you, though, to allow your inner wolf to come out and play.

    P.S. I’m glad that you are reading your audio book yourself. I’ve already pre-ordered the book, but I may find myself also buying the audio version when it comes out, just to hear you read it. However, I hope you read it with feeling. One of my other humor blog favorites read her audio book with such a flat affect that it almost ruined the book for me. Not to make you nervous or anything.

    Like

  299. Make that, if one of the re-enactments, also called Rendezvous’,is in your area, not the buckskin dress.

    Like

  300. This is beyond epic. I am overjoyed that cleolinda linked to it.

    Also, you are far braver than I; I’d be too afraid that faithful Edward fans would see me and cut me with their razor-sharp hair to wear that to the theater.

    Like

  301. This is yet another post where I am left feeling empty and sad because we are not neighbors. We would have the best block parties EVER IN RECORDED HISTORY. Tell me you were drinking Bloody Mary’s.

    Like

    Julie the Wife recently posted On the Edge.

  302. Can we please turn Wolf Blitzer into the new red dress, where you wear him and make your dreams come true, no matter how fat your ass is?

    Like

  303. Holy crap dude, I think this is brilliant and you are one of us. We almost got kicked out for laughing so hard and mocking so hard!

    Like

  304. If I had a Wolf Blitzer, then that is the ONLY way I’d possibly be willing to go see the twilight movies…

    Like

  305. as a native american, I am disgusted at this disrespectful misuse of an actual wolf pelt. Typical uncaring white people.

    Like

  306. That is awesome! I would totally buy a Wolf Blitzer! Looks really comfy!🙂

    Like

  307. Had me laughing out loud the whole way through. My husband loved it, too. My favorite part was where you pointed out that a 30-year-old woman going to see Twilight was more embarrassing than Wolf Blitzer. Truth!

    Like

    Maia recently posted Favorite Holiday / Beethoven's "Song of Thanksgiving".

  308. hilarious. I’ve spent my entire day of work reading this blog, totally made my day so much more enjoyable!

    Like

    Meg recently posted Really random ramblings.

  309. Darling woman, you are my hero! IF you ever decide you want a full body suit of whatever animal, real or imagined just see my friend Lionel: http://lionofthesun.com/

    He’s responsible for my Son’s werewolf costume which my daughter later used in her Little Red Riding Hood costume.

    Like

    ladykatza recently posted Bi-Polar Weather.

  310. I laughed. I cried. I snorted. I snorted so loudly that I woke up my 14 y.o. daughter. Who had to ask “what is that *noise* you are making?” Then I had to read your post out loud to her. Actually I performed your post for her amusement. I guess Kickstarter wouldn’t approve. Apparently.

    Like

  311. I HATE Twilight. But…if I was going to see it with anyone, it would have to be someone wearing a ridiculous outfit like yours. Wolf Blitzer would make it all worth it!

    Like

    Kez recently posted Parenthood is ridiculous..

  312. See now, the only thing that kept running through my mind was how you shouldn’t be embarrassed for showing up in a real wolf suit, but that you admitted to being “Team Jacob”. That is just wrong on so many levels. The wolf suit was a howl (tried to make an animal equivalent noise here but had you been an owl it would have been so much easier because I could have said “hoot” instead of howl and it would have flowed so much better but owl would be Harry Potter and you just can’t show up at a Twilight event representing Hedwig, or could you? You could have been all, I’m Team Potter and REALLY thrown everybody for a loop). Still, Wolf Blitzer =’s complete awesomeness.

    Like

    Joanna Reidy recently posted Are you ready to RUUUMMMMBBBLLLEEE???....

  313. I’m only halfway through my first cup of coffee – for that entire first paragraph I was under the impression you were going to rename Victor Wolf-Blitzer….
    but yeah, you’re insane, I love you.

    Like

  314. 316
    katearch1978

    You may very well be my hero. Thank you for being this awesome!!

    Like

  315. Jenny, I just… I love you so much.

    Like

    zchamu recently posted Things I Wrote At Care2….

  316. priceless. you can tell kickstarter I said so.

    Like

    angelica recently posted social taboos, untouchables and the evil eye.

  317. How much do I love you?!? Let me howl the ways… You are my Hero!!!

    Like

  318. 1) Everyone probably just thought you were a really committed furry.
    2) You’d be surprised the level of depravity you have to sink to to get tossed from a movie theater these days. Trust me.
    3) Wolf Blitzer is amazing and you look amazing wearing him.
    4) I hate lists that end on odd numbers.

    Like

    Monica recently posted Craft Friday: Angry Birds, Unplugged.

  319. Quite frankly, I never thought I’d be supportive of someone paying to go see that movie…But when you throw Wolf Blitzer and booze into the mix, it makes me reconsider my views.
    I’m so happy you got him. He really brings out your eyes.

    Like

    Britt recently posted Whip It, Whip It Good..

  320. Have to say – you look hot in that wolf pelt in the second pic! That’s awesome! It’s like a high fashion photo shoot. Funny and smokin – a role model for women everywhere.

    Like

  321. Holy crap you’re my hero.

    Like

  322. I agree with Liz, I had assumed Wil Wheaton would be doing the audiobook.

    Like

  323. I hope you put Wolf Blitzer on and sneak around the house on your hands and knees scaring the shit out of Victor when he least suspects.

    Like

    A Morning Grouch recently posted Sleep Deprivation Can Make You Do Stupid Things. Or, Maybe I Have ADD..

  324. p.s. does this mean you are a furry now? Careful, you might start attracting the wrong crowd.

    Like

    A Morning Grouch recently posted Sleep Deprivation Can Make You Do Stupid Things. Or, Maybe I Have ADD..

  325. Your blogs never fail to amuse me… Read this one at work and choked on my tea at the part about your Bigfoot costume!!!

    P.S. Completely agree about the wolf mind talking bit, almost made me feel embarrassed to be watching the film and I wasn’t even wearing a costume!

    Like

  326. I fucking LOVE you… The end!

    Like

  327. I FLOVE Wolf Blitzer, and that you’ve got the ovaries to wear him out to the theater. Total win, all around.

    Like

    Maura @evewaspartiallyright.blogspot.com recently posted Let's Play - "Guess What is In The Picture! ".

  328. 330
    TamaraPaints

    OMG you are so awesome. I discovered your blog a few months ago, thanks to Pinterest and Beyonce (the giant chicken, not the singer) and from that moment on I was hooked. So, I decided to go back as far as I could, which was something like 130 pages, and I have read EVERY SINGLE POST! It took me two months, and it was so worth it! I especially loved it when I was having crappy days at work, and I would come over and read a few pages and laugh (or cry) when appropriate (or not). So now I am completely current, and I randomly send friends over to your blog, and I quote you in conversation with my husband, who now refers to you as that “online writer lady that said that thing about the tornado of glitter and shoes”. So thank you for being you and giving me a little something extra to look forward to!

    PS you are totally rocking the wolf!

    Like

  329. HAH! I follow Zhon on DeviantArt, so immediately recognized Wolf Blitzer. well done!🙂

    Like

    Amber recently posted Beeswax Venus De Milo Candle - $20.00.

  330. I remember one time in university we all went to the Star Trek movie opening dressed up as Federation officers only to find that it was sold out. But, already being drunk, we felt that we needed to go to A movie. So we went to Titanic instead. I’m pretty sure that the other members of the sold-out audience were convinced that we were patients from the local psych hospital, out for the night. Especially since we kept cheering anytime Billy Zane came on the screen. But, like teenage girls cheer for a pop star escaping out the backstage door and into a limo. Seeing your photos, I only wish that we’d had wolf costumes. Then we could have cheered for Victor Garber.

    Like

    Craig Norton recently posted Day 23.

  331. I shared Wolf Blitzer with a friend. She asked me if you know if the woman who had your had another. Do you?

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted What is your Thanksgiving kryptonite?.

  332. SERIOUSLY. BEST. POST. EVER. Gave me the ugly laugh.

    Like

    Cindy recently posted MWA-AH-AH-AH-AH!.

  333. I’ve never read any of the books or watched the movies, but I TOTALLY would if it meant I could wear my very own Wolf Blitzer to the theater and freak the fuck out of all the little hipsters.

    Like

    Carri recently posted I Still Hate Kohl’s.

  334. I want to be you when I grow up!

    Like

  335. omg….Victor is a lucky man!

    Like

    Tina @ heatherandtina.com recently posted What are these plates saying? It’s not Happy Thanksgiving.

  336. THIS IS FUCKING EPIC AND AWESOME.

    Like

  337. I love Wolf; he’s brilliant. But I am shocked you wanted James Earl Jones for the audio book. Where is your loyalty, woman???? Why haven’t you asked Will Wheaton? It would seem to me he owes you a favor or two or three for resurrecting his KLOUT score!

    I’m just sayin’…………..

    Like

    Sj recently posted We, The People ~ Thanksgiving Edition.

  338. You are amazing. The end.

    Like

  339. I am in awe of your awesome awesomeness. And Wolf Blitzer’s, of course. (I can’t help but noticing how none of my hoodies have fangs. Or even claws.)

    Like

    alejna recently posted One potato, two potato..

  340. Photo Op suggestion for you and your Volturi friend – epic battle (fake) scene. :-p

    Like

  341. I’m sure you get this all the time… but you’re my hero.

    Like

    Nicole Pamani recently posted Friday Favorites – Thanksgiving Edition!.

  342. Two things, love the black dress, understated elegance so as to not detract from Wold Blitzer. Two, umm, why wouldn’t you tell your local readers what you were up to? I would have driven by JUST to watch you buy your tickets!!!

    Like

    Dana recently posted Thanksgiving Is Inching Closer And Closer.....

  343. u are awesome

    Like

  344. I think the costume would do better in Celebrity Jeopardy than the actual Wolf Blitzer.

    Like

  345. You are fucking awesome! That’s too damn funny!

    Like

  346. I totally love this on so many levels… first, for the sheer ballsiness of going to the theatre dressed in Wolf Blitzer, second, for actually posting about it, and finally, because I can link to it via Facebook. Most of my peeps will love it, but I have a couple of management douche-canoes at work who clandestinely follow me just to see if I’m getting uppity. This will fuel speculation.

    p.s. I have a voice that’s the combination of James Earl Jones, Tom Netherton (from the old Lawrence Welk Show), and that psuedo-narrator from the old Mormon Tabernacle Choir TV broadcasts. I’d LOVE to narrate your audiobook for FREE. Okay, maybe as a small token I could borrow Wolf Blitzer for a week or weekend, just to keep my my handlers guessing even more.

    Like

  347. I never dare to comment on your blog, because, let’s face, being number 4 billion and sixty two, no one would ever see it. I’m not sure if you’re Star Wars fan, but maybe Victor could wear the tauntaun. Or not.

    Like

  348. Your Indian name is “Dances with Vampires.”

    Like

    the muskrat recently posted you probably have it pretty good.

  349. I was Team Edward, but I believe I’m now Team Blitzer. Obviously.

    Like

    guarros recently posted What's worse? You be the judge..

  350. You should call Fuller Brush to have a representative come over, then when he rings, answer in Wolf Blitzer. Ask for the Fuller Brush Beech Half Round Boar Bristle Hair Brush because your wolf likes pork. Do it.

    Like

    The Good Luck Duck recently posted As Heard At Our House™, Thanksgiving edition.

  351. How do I get your job? I want to write an awesome blog and wear a wolf that died from kidney failure suit.

    Jenna
    callherhappy.com

    Like

    Jenna@CallHerHappy recently posted Thanksgiving Warm-Up.

  352. I just showed the pics to my husband and all he said was “that’s kinda hot.”

    Like

  353. I started to think Lazar Wolf(like Fiddler on the Roof), but Wolf Blitzer is much better. Also, I am totally jealous. I went to see Twilight in some stupid regular girl clothing. What was I thinking?

    Like

  354. I never comment on your blog because, you know, like you’d ever see it. But hell, I just have to say this: I effing LOVE you.

    Like

  355. So good — almost worth going Twi-hard for. Love Wolf Blitzer — also, does he keep you warm? NYC winters are pretty rough and I’ve been told I need to buy a real coat…but why do that if I could have a taxidermy wolf??

    Like

    Roo recently posted So many things, belated Thanksgiving edition.

  356. I dislike that movie, but if I could go with someone wearing a wolf pelt, and share it, that would be awesome. :3 Seriously, and then you want to Alamo Drafthouse. That place exists for those who don’t want to be normal, boring pooheads like Victor.

    Like

  357. Best Breaking Dawn post I have seen! 🙂

    Like

    Stefany @ ToBeThode recently posted Funny for you… Lost Cat?.

  358. WHY!?HOW?! AGAIN WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING AMAAAAAZING!? It’s making my head hurt.

    Oh and can you do a traveling Wolf Blitzer? Because I’d totally wear that shit around Norfolk and Va Beach like nobodies business. Plus it looks uber warm.

    Like

    Rebekah Mae recently posted Poem for class.

  359. You are my hero! That was the best story I ever heard…you had my husband and I laughing so hard we fell off the couch…and now I would like a wolf suit for Christmas…but like Victor, my husband thinks its totally un-necessary…
    Thank you bloggess!

    Like

  360. I am guessing that Wolf Blitzer’s facebook fan page will be coming soon! To join the ranks of Beyonce and Copernicus, naturally.🙂

    Like

  361. I love your blog! Please, please get a t-shirt that says “I❤ My Furbaby!" and wear it while towing Wolf Blitzer in one of those wheelie contraptions for disabled dogs. That would be so rad.

    http://kvetchmom.wordpress.com

    Like

  362. You may want to call your lawyer again…. ‘Cause Restoration Hardware has this now….

    http://www.rhbabyandchild.com/catalog/product/product.jsp?productId=rhbc_prod364408&categoryId=rhbc_cat199021

    Like

    Brandon S. recently posted All That Glitters Isn’t Gold … It’s Pink!.

  363. First off, I’m a little disappointed there isn’t any Wolf Blitzer merchandise made already.

    Second, there’s a metal goose statue in St. Paul, MN entitled “Red Alert”, and everytime I see it, this is what I see:

    Wolverines

    Like

  364. I have a friend that wants this badly. He has a strange trade proposal for you.

    Like

  365. I have officially reached a level of jealous that I didn’t even know existed.

    Like

    lisa from insignificant at best recently posted CouponCabin’s 25 Crazy Days of Giveawayz.

  366. So so so amazing and awesome😀. It make me so surprised to your idea and blog. I have to remind the Twilight.

    Like

    Sophia recently posted My Way to Forex Trading.

  367. My husbands has told me next time I drag him to twilight, he will only go if he can wear a wolf.

    WINNING!

    Like

  368. Truly, I never thought there was anyone funnier then my friend Jenn G who follows you and introduced us….that said, game over. Speechless, no words…just hillarious, stomach hurting laughter!

    Like

  369. I don’t know you, I don’t even know how I came accross your blog. I read you from Spain and don’t always get all the cultural references but I swear to god that I laugh myself to tears everytime I read you. Thank you!🙂

    Like

  370. Batshitcrazy, and looking damn fine doin’ it! LOL

    Like

  371. And this is why I can’t stop reading this blog. I came because of Beyonce, then got sucked into Copernicus, was fascinated by the talking fruit, slightly horrified by the Cobra/Mongoose/Naked Mole Rat statue and now love Wolf Blitzer. You are awesome.

    Like

  372. I’m glad that the Team Edward fanatics didn’t attack you and ruin the awesomeness.

    Like

    Tammy recently posted Hobbies and Life Balance.

  373. You have a wicked sense of humor…..I love it! Very happy that the wolf died of old age…or so I would like to believe.

    Like

  374. Wolf Blitzer is…oddly slimming. And at least you had something to crawl under in second-hand embarrassment during that wolfs-channel-Optimus-Prime” scene in BD.

    I was going to say I want one but in “Team Edward” until I realized that would be going a little “Silence of the Lambs”-y. Boo.

    Like

    Snarkier Than You recently posted A Special Thanksgiving PSA From William Shatner.

  375. I can’t get over how hot you look as a wolf.

    Like

    GirltoMom- Heidi recently posted Vaginal Bleaching and Dying- Oh My!.

  376. I loved you before, but NOW you are officially A GODDESS to me !!!!!!! This is FANTASTIC !!!!

    Like

  377. Can I like…Internet Marry you or something? Because god damn if you don’t make me split a side laughing more times than I can count😀. I’d totally go to Breaking Dawn with someone wearing Wolf Blitzer.

    Like

    Enrique Gomez recently posted Take Shelter.

  378. Evening attire and heels are the absolute perfect accessory to Wolf Blitzer!

    Like

  379. I feel fairly certain that it would make my year to see a picture of Beyonce (the fabulous metal chicken) wearing Wolf Blitzer. PLEASE, hook a sister up.

    Like

  380. I’ve taken your name in vain again. And soon there will be pictures of me and my friends with a giant metal peacock.

    Like

    Jennie recently posted Happy Snarksgiving!.

  381. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
    Can’t….breathe….

    Like

    Dusti Lewars recently posted $WINTERHOLIDAY shopping !!.

  382. Bwahahahaha! This is awesome, and why we love you here at my house! P.S. I am so excited about your new book, I just can’t stand it! The release date should be declared a national holiday…just sayin’

    Like

  383. Oh, my god. YOU WORE A WOLF PELT TO A “TWILIGHT” MOVIE. I love you. I fucking love you. I love you in all the ways a total stranger can love another total stranger.

    Like

    Amy recently posted Camping & Rafting Trip 2011.

  384. We are not worthy!

    (But honored, nonetheless – and a bit twitterpated that you noticed!)

    Like

    Bite_Me recently posted Yet More Proof That The Twilight Series Is A SotA!.

  385. That’s the sexiest damn thing I’ve seen all day.

    Like

  386. 388
    Barefoot Liz

    I feel old. Old, because I don’t do weirdly fun stuff as a mom. I think I’m going to have a mid-life crisis and do something wild. Or stupid. Or wildly stupid. I don’t think it’ll involve a wolf though. Can I wear a human pelt? Hmm, that would probably get me arrested.

    Like

  387. SO JEALOUS!!!!! Not about Wolf Blitzer – he’s amazing and you look fabulous – but that you’ve got a movie theater that serves BOOZE!!!

    WANT!!!

    Like

  388. You’re posts never cease to amuse me and make me laugh. Keep writing.😀

    Like

  389. You. Are. Amazing.

    Like

  390. I kind of want to print out one of those pictures on the bench, and when people come to bitch at me at work, I’ll be like “Look at this awesome picture of a woman wearing a wolf. You’re argument is irrelevant due to your lack of this level of awesomeness, now fuck off.”

    I’ll need to work on the wording there a bit…it’s a mouthful, and could probably get me fired. I’m more concerned about the former.

    Like

    Renee recently posted I’m fucking famous…in my mind.

  391. I laughed so hard I cried. Sobbed, really. You are too fucking awesome for words.

    Like

  392. I now await Wolf Blitzer to make an appearance on the Drafthouse films threatening us to be quiet and not use our cellphones (or dead animals).

    Like

  393. I have followed you amazingly funny blog for a long time now, and I have to say that I now have even more of a love for you! you are awesome, and I thank you for making me laugh so hard I piss my pants..( yep its true!)
    I love you… I love that you wore a wolf pelt to a twilight movie, I love that you bought a six foot cock, I love that you made a t-shirt that says “”knock knock mutherfucker”” and I love that you write for a sex toy comapany..
    yes I know that sounds weird as hell and you are probably thinking that i am a creepy stalker… but I assure you that I am a sexy, funny creepy stalker, and we should toteally hang out sometime.
    thanks for being the amazingly awesomely histerical smart woman that you are.

    Like

    kristie taylor recently posted C'est Magnifique Dec Kit.

  394. You are the nuts in a very wonderful way. And yes nice legs. BTW I just watched the video of your presentation from the Ignite Evo conference in July and I have one question. Where did you get the picture of the woman biting her laptop? Okay two questions. If it is proprietary can I use it? I work at the Wayne State University PC Clinic and I think we need it.

    Like

  395. Two quick things.
    1) Lamar or Anderson?
    2) You don’t live around the corner from me, do you? Because we just moved into this neighborhood a few weeks ago, and the house down the hill has YOUR GIANT CHICKEN. As long as you aren’t still decorated all up for halloween it probably isn’t your house. Probably. Or your chicken has escaped.

    Oh my god. Has your giant chicken escaped? … I’m going to go check outside. Be right back.

    Like

  396. It’s really sad that I know this, but unfortunately airplanes don’t have to accommodate wolves as emotional help animals.

    Effective March 15, 2010, the Department of Justice is limiting the species of service animal to “any dog…[who is] individually trained to do work or perform tasks for the benefit of an individual with a disability, including a…psychiatric, intellectual, or other mental disability.” 73 FR 34508, 34553 (June 17, 2008).

    Under these new rules, other species of animals, wild or domestic, do not qualify as service animals under the ADA. 73 FR 34508, 34553 (2010). The service animal must still be trained to specifically assist the disabled person in overcoming the disability, and examples of work listed in the new definition include “retrieving items such as medicine or the telephone…and helping persons with psychiatric and neurological disabilities by preventing or interrupting impulsive or destructive behaviors.” Id.

    As such, a wolf is not considered the type of animal which would classify it as a service animal, and only a minority of courts have held that emotional help animals provide the type of service which would classify it as a service animal. Since the wolf would not be considered a service animal under Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act, it would not be classified as a “reasonable accommodation”. Therefore, the TSA/airplanes wouldn’t have to allow you to board with it.

    I know no one probably cares, but I am law student. Hear me nitpick!

    Like

  397. I know that if I lived nearer to you we would totally be bff. or that I would follow you around also drinking and being very non-discreet about being following you (because I am not discreet about *anything* when drinking). My movie theater had noone in costume, but did have vampier vs werewolf themed drinks. And yes, I had a bunch if only to get over the embarrassment of seeing this movie in public. Luckily, I went on a Tuesday so the only people there to witness my shame were a bunch of other 35 yr old professional women and 3 dudes- 1 gay, 1 awesome/browbeaten boyfriend ,and 1 dad.

    and I agree, the wolf mind argument was a bit over the top. I laughed so loud (see above about being discreet when drinking) that I thought the self proclaimed “twihard” next to me might stab me.

    Like

  398. 1:21am thank you for yet again amusing me. (funny shit) You are the best thing I’ve found…plus liquir since losing my husband…to prison…ha ha

    Like

  399. OMG I love you….. AND you have great legs!

    P.S. Wolf Blitzer makes your whole head sparkle.

    Like

  400. I have been an accountant for over 10 years, and Wolf Blitzer is nit even close to the strangest tax deduction I have ever seen.

    Like

    Sheri D recently posted January’s Adventure.

  401. This is the best thing ever!!!!

    also, here is a link for some expensive african taxidermy: http://fab.com/sale/2030/

    enjoy!!

    Like

    michelle recently posted circle master copy.

  402. That is freakin’ hilarious! I need one of those!!!

    Like

  403. All I have is a fake tiger hat!

    Like

    Melissa Lawler recently posted Flash Giveaway $5.00 Amazon Gift Card.

  404. I wanted to say this is just absolutely amazing!
    I feel honoured that you displayed it with such pride at this social gathering!😄
    What will be the next outing?! (I almost want to see this go to the opening of Underworld Awakening and you could be supporting all the Lycans!)
    You look awesome in Wolf Blitzer!

    Like

  405. Wow. Your legs are awesome! Yes, the story is great, but that’s what I come away with. I want legs like hers.

    Like

  406. If you were willing to rent out Wolf Blitzer then Victor would have to let you keep him! WB is made of total awesome!

    Like

  407. That looks like something Gaga would try to do.

    Like

    Ashley recently posted Just Some Writing.

  408. I honestly cannot see how anything from a page showing the poster from Breaking DAwn can refer to my blog Unless, of course, the interwebs know that I read this and throughly enjoyed it.

    Which would be scary, I thinke.

    Like

    Ole recently posted How on Earth do I get a reader referred from this?.

  409. 412
    An Oregon Coast Guy

    I see a lot of these comments are asking where you can get your own wearable skin–there are a few people who make them, but the one I buy from is Lupa. She sells pelt costumes at fairs and conventions here in Oregon. (I always see her at Fairie Worlds). She’s on etsy and some other places, search for Lupa or “the green wolf”.

    Like

  410. My Crack Puppy would look awesome in Wolf Blitzer.

    Wait.

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted Fergie Burgills for Oklahoma Snenates.

  411. I laughed so hard I have tears running down my leg…that is no lie! Cheers

    Like

  412. oh hell yes! wolf pelt ftw!😀

    Like

  413. Lol, that’s awesome.

    Oh, and I’ve taken my wolf on the plane before, though it wasn’t nearly as big as Blitzer xD

    Like

    Lupen recently posted Quiz.

  414. I love you!

    Like

  415. hysterical – now i have to go back and read a whole bunch more because i’m snorting and laughing and need to keep it going – thx!!!

    Like

  416. Just wanted to tell you that I was reading this at work and my boss came over my shoulder.

    He said, “A dog?”

    I said, “That’s a woman.”

    He said, “So it is.”

    I said, “She’s going to Twilight.”

    Then he walked away.

    Like

    Mels recently posted Halloween, in the dead of the night, hear me scream!.

  417. I have been out of town and just now read this blog… omg… loooove it! I would totally wear the wolf and/or volturi costume to the theater… why didn’t my bff and I think of that???

    Like

    Sheila recently posted Observations: Family.

  418. So…when’s the pic of Beyonce wearing that going to be posted?

    Like

  419. Wow. I am actually not sure what to say except that now I can’t go see the movie unless I have a similar outfit. Dang.

    Like

    Jules recently posted Start Something That Matters Giveaway!.

  420. Ok, so this is the first time I have commented on your blogs although I DO read them with almost religious fever…but O. M. G….you had me going strong until the mental picture of Victor as Team Edward when I apparently went over the top and went into spasms of uncontrollable gaffaws…

    Like

  421. LOVE LOVE LOVE it..Wolf is AWESOME…and I am totally jealous! Must come to Santa Barbara Ca and bring wolf..and we must do a photo shoot…I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS

    Like

  422. You are my hero. This is amazing. I want you to be my best friend so we can do lunch together while you wear the wolf!

    Like

  423. I was intending to leave an exceptionally witty comment.

    But yet again.

    I’ve been out awesomed.

    The chicken, great.
    The Weasel (mongoose, whatever) Snake thing – great.

    Going to twilight as a wolf, IN a real wolf….

    I’m … I’m going to hang up now.

    Like

    Indignant Rant recently posted Are YOU "Taking back Christmas"?.

  424. I burst out laughing with the Wolf going up to the counter to buy tickers!!!! OMG> YOU”RE AWESOME!!! I LOVE the photos and commentary on your outing with the Volturi…. Looks like you guys got along. I love wolf blitzer….. I want my own….. So i can be a wolf buying tickets to a movie…. You know what else i’d do? Go to a fine restaurant in my wolf hoodie and order steak, chicken and venison. Completely natural, I’m a wolf. What do you want me to do? Eat Veggies??? Can you do that and post pics? (Since i don’t think any of my appeals for friends to buy me a wolf outfit will be successful….)

    Like

  425. Peta will be all up in your grill for this! Good article.

    Like

  426. 429
    Tommy "Robot Omens" Osborne

    You seem to be broken just right, don’t change your meds.

    Like

  427. 430
    Captain Heinybottom

    Its like a cartoon where its a wolf but for some reason it has hot legs. Yeah, totally hot legs. I am going to find a dirty sock. To dust with. TO TOTALLY DUST WITH!

    But I am admire you spunk and wearing that. I woulda been that guy hitting on you asking if I could get some tail. ‘No literally, your tail is falling off..let me get it for you’😛

    Like

  428. You can drink at the movie theater??? I’m jealous😦

    Like

  429. Totally agree with you about the wolf talking scene! Totally cheesy!

    Like

  430. I so wish I lived near you and that we were best friends so that I could borrow Wolf Blitzer to wear to the grocery store.

    Like

  431. I asked my husband for a Wolf Blitzer as my push present. He said, “only if we can wrap the baby in it for his announcement photo.” But seriously, what’s the title of your upcoming book? We want to keep an eye out for it.

    Like

  432. holy shitballs! i haven’t snorted that hard in a long time., i’m at work and i think i just got caught trying to not loose my shit reading this post. i suggest you sit in your tween neighbors front yard, like a wolf. then when they catch you, get up and run like a human, they’d be all “woah! that wolf just turned into a lady! holy shit twilight is real!”. tweens will believe anything….. including vampires believe in moron sex.

    Like

  433. There are no words for how magnificent these pictures are. You are my hero.

    Like

    Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted The World's Sneakiest Christmas Present.

  434. I just don’t know what to say, I mean , really. I think I may have pee’d in my pants a little. Akward when you are at work.

    Like

    sue @ cakeballs cookies and more recently posted Sugar cookies for kids to decorate.

  435. Frankly, I think Wolf Blitzer is incredibly glamorous, and I only regret that we have gotten so casual as a society that it is NOT normal to go to the theatre dressed in head-to-toe wolf. I’m pretty sure we found about seven of these in my grandmother’s closet when she passed — in various colors, of course.

    Like

  436. I love you. You are so OMG, I just really really love you!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  437. Love you to the moon and back. For freak’s sake.

    Like

    Amy recently posted Here comes the sun… and vampires..

  438. Like I just said to Laura, I wish I could hang out with you guys. This is HILARIOUS!

    Like

  439. SHIT THIS IS GOOD. I may or may not have sent this to every person I have ever met.

    Like

    John B recently posted be kind to your mind..

  440. I thought seeing Breaking Dawn would be the highlight of this day.

    But the Bloggess, Team Jacob (gag), Volturri get up, copious amounts of booze, EFFING WOLF BLITZER, and a conversation between you and Victor made it VILLIONS (vampire millions) times better.

    Like

    Erika recently posted Subway Scenes..

  441. Honestly, if there was one person who might convince me to go see a Twilight movie, it would be you wearing Wolf Blitzer.

    Like

    Jo and the Novelist recently posted How Blogging and Apple Crumbles are the Same (but not really)….

  442. What kind of movie theater did you go to? Did you have tables? And you could drink in the theater? No one yelled because Wolf Blitzer was sticking up too high? Wow.

    Like

  443. Girl, you are do damn crazy. But thn, that’s why I love you and your wolf , and Victor so much.

    Like

  444. This is just all kinds of awesome. You’ve done it again!

    Like

  445. I wish I had your courage. I told my husband about this. I swear my husband is related to Victor.

    Like

    Christene recently posted Ten Reasons I am Thankful.

  446. So, while punctuating snoopy laughs with snorts,Ii realized how incredibly deprived I am, and how sad the theatres in AZ are. IF the Harkins out here had a BAR- I may not have gouged my eyes out with nachos while being forced to watch that drivel with my eleven year old.

    Like

  447. This is a CLASSIC, Jenny.

    What I don’t understand is why your publishing/editor-people (I don’t write books, I just read about them on the internet) didn’t just go along with it! Did they not READ your book/blog? Don’t they know that wearing a dead wolf is actually kind of EXPECTED when dealing with you?

    I just love that you love taxidermied animals so much.

    Like

    tracey - justanothermommy recently posted Still digesting....

  448. EPIC. POST. EPIC. YOU.

    Like

  449. wow. This definitely rivals the chicken. A close second, I think. You rock.

    Like

    Shab recently posted I heart faces photo challenge: Beautiful Eyes.

  450. You are my fucking hero.

    Also, wolves are WAY bigger than I expected.

    Like

    Maggie recently posted Because it's not hard enough.

  451. Words cannot possible begin to describe how fucking amazing you are!

    Like

  452. 456
    The Introvert

    Please. You were in Austin. Both of those outfits are completely acceptable – if not a little conservative – in that town. We’re talking about a place with a famous homeless man with breast implants who wears a tube top.

    Like

  453. I wish I had seen this post before I had started my campaign to convince my husband this weekend that I NEEDED this boar’s head for our wall. Seriously, this boar…. I named her Sandra…. was the Miss Congeniality of the Taxidermy world. She was so happy looking. It was like she didn’t even care that her head was on a plague in the shape of Ohio. I swear, she had a twinkle in her eye.

    If only I had read your post beforehand and figured out a way to BARTER for good old Sandy. She would be lighting up my living room as we speak.

    Like

  454. You have totally and completely made my day! WOW! I have no words. I am in awe and feel true admiration for you. Hugs!

    Like

  455. Team Jacob!!!!! I, too, am a 30-something getting ready to see Twilight; at least we’re not the weirdo 50-something moms who try to sleep with the cast members….

    Like

    Jess recently posted I'm Getting Old.

  456. I’m sort of Team Tyler’s Van (except I think the books/movies are extremely entertaining. I like to imagine the Volturi with skinny, waxed, black mustachios and capes laughing maniacly while Bella ties herself to the train tracks. Because she totally would.), but THIS IS AWESOME

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted We Survived! (And No One Mentioned the Word "Shriveled").

  457. I’m sort of Team Tyler’s Van (except I think the books/movies are extremely entertaining. I like to imagine the Volturi with skinny, waxed, black mustachios and capes laughing maniacly while Bella ties herself to the train tracks. Because she totally would.), but THIS IS AWESOME

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted We Survived! (And No One Mentioned the Word "Shriveled").

  458. Er, I don’t know how I managed to post the same comment twice without even finishing my sentence. That was supposed to read, “…THIS IS AWESOME to a degree that I might actually have to join Team Jacob or at least stop making fun of what a terrible actor Taylor Lautner is.”

    I know you were going to lose sleep on how that sentence ended. You’re welcome.

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted We Survived! (And No One Mentioned the Word "Shriveled").

  459. The means with which you procured Wolf Blitzer amaze and inspire me. Now can you use your sweet bartering technique to get me this AWESOME velociraptor costume?

    Like

  460. I suddenly have the urge to break into my Uncle’s house and steal one of his Team Jacob authentic outfits!!

    Like

    Shash recently posted McDonald's has REAL Coffee this Coffee-O-Holic LOVES! #bringbackthebreak.

  461. I am so disappointed now. We had three wolves come and dance at the premier I went
    to but they were nothing compared to Wolf Blitzer!!

    Like

  462. I’ve never seen a sexier Wolf Blitzer. DAAAAAAAMN!!!!

    Like

  463. de-lurking to say – Great Gams! You are one georgeous Wolf Blitzer Jenny.

    Like

  464. P.S. James Earl Jones lives in my hometown. Let’s make this happen.

    Like

    Ry Pepper recently posted Banking.

  465. I love you Bloggess

    Like

  466. LMAO!! LOVE IT : )

    Like

    MSRheinlander recently posted Thursdays Friends Cafe #BlogHop {12/01}.

  467. I can’t stop laughing. I love creative people who are not afraid to share their mind with the world, ha,ha.

    Like

  468. The Wolf Blitzer should be the NEW Red Dress. Just sayin’.

    Like

  469. I love this. I wish we were friends.

    Also, the Alamo Drafthouse is my favorite place on earth. I think. That’s a pretty bold thing to say now that I think about it…

    Like

  470. This post was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Also seems clear that your spirit animal is a wolf.

    Like

    J. Martinez recently posted turns out i’m pretty inept with cars.

  471. Ok, you’re like the Luna Lovegood of Twilight. You realize this right? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, because Luna totally rocks. She IS a LITTLE out there though.

    Like

  472. You are my hero. I wish I had the balls to wear a Wolf Blitzer in public. Amazing.

    Like

    Ashten recently posted Quote of the Week.

  473. Stephenie Meyers is the devil. TWILIGHT *A YOUNG GIRLS CHOICE BETWEEN NECROPHILA OR BEASTIALITY*. Great mormon choices. Don’t have sex until your married kids, thats wrong – but marrying then doing man’s best friend or a really hot dead guy is totally ok with god.

    Like

  474. i just died. I peed my pants first laughing so hard. And then I died.

    Bwaahaahaahaaahaa!!!

    Like

  475. OMG. I adore you. I think I just peed my pants a little because I was laughing so hard. *off to bathroom*

    Like

  476. LOVE. Legendary.

    Like

  477. I am your newest and now admittedly biggest fan!

    Like

  478. New fan here…totally jealous! I wanna be you!

    Like

  479. Wait – a movie theatre where you can watch movies while eating dinner and drinking alcoholic beverages? WHY ISN’T THIS AVAILABLE WHERE I LIVE? Or maybe I should really be asking why this isn’t my new business model.

    Like

  480. OMG!! This post was THE BEST!!! I haven’t watched but a small bit of one Twilight movie & haven’t read the books so it wasn’t that but the fact that you wen to the movies with a wolf pelt!! Pure awesome!!

    Like

  481. LMFAOOOOO! You crack me up.

    Like

    Jenny recently posted It’s raining It’s pouring.

  482. Congrat’s…I have a big brown hairy coat witha hood that has wolf ears on top now – cause it just had to happen – and wear it out on halloween and the like, over my work suit. It’s about 50/50…those who stare, and those who high five….but oooo I wish I had a wolfie, totally differant league!

    Like

  483. Lol – I can see why you would be embarrassed, all that mind-reading was pretty dumb.

    Like

    Vicky recently posted How do you sanitize a baby's mouth?.

  484. *long, low, liquid whistle*
    That is a rockin’ LBD. Makes absolutely the MOST of your legs, which need no enhancement.

    Wait, there’s a wolf suit?

    Like

  485. Why have I only discovered you now?? I’m on the floor laughing🙂
    I want a Wolf Blitzer of my very own. But perhaps next time it could be a Polar Bear! Just a thought …

    Like

  486. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Totally so.

    Like

  487. 492
    Montana Husband

    Dear Victor,

    I thought I was all alone, swimming upstream in the estrogen ocean of insanity. Now I realize that there’s someone else out there living with clones of the adorably insane women of my life. My wife and daughters share selected snippets of the Blogess with me, if only to point out that they are simply creative geniuses marching to their own drummers (and full time orchestras), tempered only by cranky husbands/fathers, such as Victor and myself.

    Thank you for being there. I now know that I’m not alone.

    BC

    P.S. Blogess, you’re just funnier than hell! My wife would SOOOOOO wear Wolf Blitzer, just not here in Montana (fear of being shot)…. and she’s still trying to find another chicken yard ornament!

    Like

  488. I will narrate your book. It’s what I do. Well, I typically don’t voice audiobooks. But I DO voice all kinds of stuff. I bet I could come up with a great voice for Wolf Blitzer. It’s kinda like a stripper name, btw.

    Hit me up about the vo. I’m serious.

    Like

  489. 494
    Oneika Breastfeeding Majava

    My husband doesn’t understand why Victor doesn’t want you to be happy. He said he would not only allow me wear an awesome wolf hoodie, but he would kill the wolf for me.

    Like

  490. OMG Your site is HU-LARIOUS!! Tears and doubled over, can’t breathe laughter. Seriously, your posts are friggin’ hilarious. My head and side hurt and my mascara is all over my sleeve, cheeks and the formerly clean laundry.
    Thanks for this. O. M. G.

    Like

  491. You. Are. Hilarious. I love your writing style. That was magical.

    The End.

    Like

    CarolineCollie recently posted Plastic Baby Jesus.

  492. This. Was. EPIC!

    Like

  493. I pee’d my pants a little. That was hilarious!!!

    Like

  494. I seriously need a Wolf Blitzer! PLEASE email me the etsy shop-I couldn’t find it!

    Like

  495. So one of my really good friends is the girl you bought Wolf from, and like you mention, there’s the Tauntaun as well as a life size minotaur suit. Rammulus. One time we went to the resfest here in Colorado, and this large, drunk man kept calling her a goat. Well, this small, equally drunk pirate wench (aka me) decided the best thing to do in retaliation was to pull my plastic sword out on the guy.

    Made sense in my mind.

    Like

  496. I like you.

    Like

    Lonestarcasie recently posted Hillbilly.

  497. Wolf Blitzer…best.financial.decision EVER!. You really should have gone to the Muppet movie in it too, I think you could have caused a lot more crying there.

    Like

    Geri recently posted Lucky’s First Snuggie: Part II.

  498. It truly is mainly an inferior type from the snuggie quilt however , with flashlight sleeves so that your pup could possibly get engrossed.

    Like

    dog snuggy recently posted Get your dog snuggie pictures in this week.

  499. Ohmygosh, it’s like I’ve found my long lost twin. I love your blog, & pretty sure I love you. In that platonic idol-worship non-stalkeresque sort of way. And for future reference, I would totally narrate an audio book for you.

    Like

    Heather recently posted Day... um... (looking for calendar)....

  500. Thank you for making me laugh so much in so little time!

    Like

  501. 506
    conejitoasesino

    I have got to try watching Twilight drunk!
    BTW… The cross legged pic of you wearing Wolf Blitzer is super sexy!

    Like

  502. 507
    Anonymous

    this does no good to the wolves out there, propagating it is cool to have a pelt of an endangered species

    ignorant folks *shakes head*

    Like

  503. OMG! This is just awesome! How did i miss this the first time? I’d barter for a wolf pelt, and watch Twilight – i’m team Jacob all the way in the movies – the book however – yeah, i’m Edward😉

    Like

    Gypsie recently posted Day 2: 7/23/12 (with the Huz’s notes).

  504. DANG GIRL!

    That DOES IT! On your book tour you HAVE to come to Dallas and hang out with THE WIFE and me!

    I DEMAND IT! (OK, not really demanding because that would be totally bully-like, but I would enjoy it!)

    Like

  505. How the fuck did I miss this the first time?!

    Legendary.

    Epic.

    And all that other Bloggess shit you hear all the time.😉

    Like

    Mel recently posted What a crazy month!.

  506. That hoodie score 52 cuddle points and about 1,472 AWESOME points.

    Like

    Banana Stickers recently posted SPIDER SEX! Alternate title: Fun With Windows Paint!.

  507. I totally see where you’re coming from. When I went to see the Avengers openig weekend, I wore and all black leather suit, and this past weekend was the opening weekend of The Dark Knight Rises and I wore an all black leather suit… with a really fluffy tail…

    Like

    Havana recently posted I love Lady Gaga but she owes me 10 bucks.

  508. When I see the photo of you and your friend in costume watching the movie the only thing I want to know is why the hell our movie theaters still don’t have liquor.

    Like

  509. I very desperately wish you were my next-door neighbour. I don’t suppose you want to come live in Australia?

    Like

    Klementine recently posted Let’s See Where This Goes.

  510. I am very jealous, that is a beautiful pelt and you make it look even more beautiful, however I would not call it a hoodie. You might be able to get away with calling it a hoody if you could put you arms through it’s front legs like sleeves, but there really isn’t anything to this. It’s just a pelt.

    Like

  511. Im a fashioon designer myself who wears lots of fur (not real animals) throughout ever season of the year and would love to know is this an actually Pelt for the floor or is this an actual hoodie pelt – either way you did a great job – & if you can email me the link you bought this from – maybe in my fashion bloggs i can mention this & how it started – thank you –

    Like

  512. Because of this post, I will be wearing a cape tomorrow to the marathon. With 9 other 40-something year old moms, who will be drinking and eating copiously as well.

    Like

  513. i love the costume do you know were i could find one. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  514. I LOVE LOVE WOLFS and i have always wanted to pretend i was a wolf and if i could find 1 it would be a wish come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

    Like

  515. im a US Army Vet. and a survivalist nut and since i cant hunt anything but deer where i live and i cant find bears at the moment where can i get that for cold nights in the woods let get down to brass tacks…how much for the wolf?

    Like

  516. Holy shit this is awesome. And I can’t laugh out loud because I’m in bed and will be in trouble for waking up my sleeping other half. Ohhh he just moved gotta go!

    Like

    JJ - 84thand3rd recently posted Sweet Adventures Blog Hop March: Cocktail Party! #SABH.

  517. 522
    kerrywolflover

    are you going to make more and sell them people like me will play a lot for one, I am totally jealous, I really want one for xmas

    Like

  518. Oh dear Lord I adore you.

    Like

  519. 524
    Nicholas Wolf Shadow Raven

    If at any moment you are looking to sell it I’ll buy it. I’m a Lipan Apache Marine veteran and the wolf is my totem and part of my given name sack I have been searching for a wolf pelt to replace the one that was stolen from me many years ago. The wolf is a powerful spirit. If you are not looking to sell please take care of that pelt and its spirit will protect you.

    Many blessings from the great creator

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s